Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 180

These two posts make readers the most angry

I’ve been writing a blog post every day without missing a day for nearly 15 years, and almost 11 years on this platform.

That’s 4,696 days worth of blog posts, More than 4,696 actual posts, since there was many days, especially in the past, when I would more than once on a single day.

That’s a lot of writing, as the folks who are currently redesigning my website have recently discovered. In that time, thousands of people have responded to my writing. Some have become loyal readers who subscribe to my feed or stop by the blog regularly, perhaps bookmarking it so they can return with a simple click. Others find my posts on social media. Still others are directed to my blog via search engines when my content matches their need.

In all the years I’ve been writing this blog, two posts more than any other garner more comments than any other, and in almost every case, those comments are angry, outraged, and often filled with profanity and name calling.

The first is a post I wrote back in August of 2016 titled I spent a week backing into parking spots to see if it made any sense. Here is what I discovered. In an attempt to engage in behavior that thought was foolish, I spent a week backing into parking spots. At the end of the week, I found that I was correct.

Backing into parking spots is silly.

Boy are people angry about this opinion. I don’t know how they find this post, but three years later, they still do, and I receive comments, emails, tweets, and Facebook messages on it regularly.

Never in agreement.

Apparently people don’t take well to having their driving preferences criticized.

The second was a post entitled Why I think professional wrestling is stupid.

Boy does this make people angry, which I find so strange. If someone told me that Buffy the Vampire Slayer or The Office was stupid, I wouldn’t become angry. I might question their taste in culture, but I’d probably do so silently. At best, I would seek to determine if they had given these shows a chance, since I thought Buffy the Vampire Slayer was stupid at first, too.

I certainly wouldn’t swear at the person. Or threaten his life. Or call him terrible names. All of which has happened to me as a result of this post.

Disagree with me? Absolutely.

Attack my argument and propose one of your own? I’m all ears.

But launch a profanity-laced tirade at someone because they think differently than you? Threaten the writer’s life? This makes no sense to me.

These are the two posts that stand out above all others, both in terms of volume of comments and overall vitriol.

Driving and wrestling.

I don’t get it. Are these taboo topics? Do these topics engender angry responses in the real world, too? Do these topics attract a certain type of reader - one more prone to lashing out?

I’m not sure.

But I’m always happy to have readers - angry or agreeable - so as long as they keep reading, they can continue to call me all the names they want.

And expose themselves for the lowlife cretins that they probably are.

Perfect pair

Three ways that clearly indicate how Elysha and I were meant to be together:

We both eat our hot dogs plain.

We are both vehemently opposed to finding out the sex of your baby prior to birth.

We both firmly believe that Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the Battlestar Galactica reboot are the two best television shows ever made and simply can’t decide which should be ranked ahead of the other.

Sometimes it’s the little things that speak the loudest.

Twenty-one Truths About Love!

Best cardboard box of the year showed up at my doorstep yesterday.

Copies of my next novel, “Twenty-one Truths About Love,” have arrived. This is my fifth novel and my sixth book, and honestly, it was just as exciting as opening the box and seeing my first.

There will always be a part of me that still lives in a time when publishing even a single book seemed like an impossibility.

Despite my good fortune, I’ll also always be that frightened boy in high school, desperately wishing that someone would talk to him about the possibility of college. I’ll always be that homeless young man, trying to find ways to eat while awaiting trial for a crime he didn’t commit. I'll forever be that McDonald’s manager, wondering if managing restaurants and flipping burgers was the best I’d ever do.

A part of me will always be that 12 year-old boy, writing political cartoons on Easter Sunday in his grandparents’ living room, hoping an aunt or uncle might notice. I’ll always be that 19 year-old kid, kicked out of his childhood home, struggling to make ends meet, writing columns on early, localized versions of the Internet, hoping to get someone - anyone - to read what I wrote. And part of me will always be sitting at my desk in my classroom on a Friday afternoon twelve years ago when my agent called, telling me that Doubleday had made an offer on my first book.

The journey was long and hard, and I’m happy that it’s something I won’t ever forget. Those small parts of the past - still alive and well inside - make the opening of a cardboard box containing my sixth book a moment just as exciting as the day ten years ago when I opened that first box and saw my name on the cover of a book for the first time.

Speak Up Storytelling: Live from Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health (Part 2)

On episode #71 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, special guest Jeni Bonaldo and I talk storytelling!

This week's episode features the second half of a storytelling show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts as part of a weekend of storytelling instruction.

Following the stories, Jeni and I discuss each one.

We hope you enjoy!  

LINKS

Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling: https://amzn.to/2H3YNn3

Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love: https://amzn.to/2qEByex

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks

Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it

A lot of feelings for my children today

My 10 year-old daughter, Clara, is teaching my 7 year-old son, Charlie, about author Mary Shelley and the writing of Frankenstein.

Also about the feminist implications of Shelley’s work as it relates to her position in both the world and her marriage during her life.

At 6:19 AM.

While playing Minecraft.

I’m not sure if the boy is really listening.

Also, I’m an English major. I am well aware of Mary Shelley, but I didn’t learn about Shelley until I was sitting in a class at Trinity College.

Also, Clara seems to know some stuff that I don’t know about Mary Shelley.

It’s weird when your daughter makes you feel both proud and stupid at the same time.

I’d feel sympathetic for Charlie for this early morning, uninvited, probably unwanted history lesson, but I’m still annoyed with him for siding with Clara on Sunday when we “stopped” at Starbucks for hot chocolate and the kids insisted that we sit for a while and read like the weirdos who talk about coffee like it’s not just a caffeinated beverage but some culturally significant way to spend time in public spaces.

Look at them. Squint a little and you could mistake them for old people.

Ridiculous.

At least they didn't add an apostrophe to my name

Happiness through music

Looking for greater happiness? Scientists suggest that you listen to music from the happiest time in your life.

"One of the strong effects of music comes from its ability to remind us of previous environments in which we were listening to that music."

It's known as context dependent memory. 

Let’s say that your college years were the happiest time of your life. If you start listening to the music that you were listening to at that time, it can help you feel more connected to that happier time in your life and makes those happy feelings more present.

Makes sense. Right? Sort of suck all the joy of a particular time of your life into the present through song.

But here's the problem: 

How do you determine the happiest time of your life? Is everyone so unhappy that only one particular period of their life sticks out more than the rest?

I had an awful two years ranging from about 1992-1994, when I was jobless, homeless, violently assaulted, and awaiting a trial for a crime I did not commit. And while my childhood had its ups and downs, I still have a treasure-trove of fond memories from that time, too, but there was very little music in my life when I was a kid, so using music to connect back to that time is impossible.

But other than those two periods in my life, what am I supposed to choose. There have certainly been many other struggles in my life, but when was my happiest time?

1986-1989: Teenager finding freedom for the first time, dating my high school sweetheart, driving around town with the music blasting, carefree and excited, traveling the country with our marching band, meeting my best friend for the first time.

1989-1992: Eighteen years old and living with my best friend in a townhouse in Attleboro, MA that we named The Heavy Metal Playhouse. Hosting parties for 100 people at a time, traveling up and down the east coast, staying up all night, living so poor but so damn happy.

1994-1999: Finally fighting my way to college, launching our DJ company, making my dreams of a college education finally come true.

1999-2003: Launching the teaching career that I once thought an impossible dream, finding a job that I truly love, and making some of the best friends of my life.

2003-2005: I meet Elysha. We begin dating and quickly move in together, and get engaged.

2006: I marry the woman of my dreams. 

2006-2009: Elysha and I are married without kids, working side by side, going to every movie and hosting dinner parties. I sell my first and second novels, making my dreams of being an author a reality. 

2009-now: Clara and then Charlie are born. I begin performing onstage for The Moth. We launch Speak Up. I begin traveling the country and the world telling stories and teaching the craft of storytelling. I publish more books. Begin writing columns.

Honestly, how does a person choose the happiest time of his life? I can’t imagine living my life thinking my happiest years are behind me. What is it like for someone approaching 50 years-old knowing that they were never as happy as they were in college? Or high school? Or anytime in their past.

Sure, the music from those happy days might help them feel a little better about their present condition, but knowing that it’s all downhill from here, with no hope for happiness greater than that of the past, also seems pretty depressing to me.

Optimism is kind of like eating kale

I am an eternal optimist.

I’ve been told - many times - that this is empirically ridiculous given the life that I’ve led, but wait.

Yes, I was arrested and tried for a crime I did not commit, but I was also found not guilty.

Yes, I’ve twice stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating, but paramedics restored my life both times.

Yes, I was homeless, but I was also rescued from homelessness by a family for Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Yes, I was robbed at gunpoint in a brutal and horrific way, but those same men had killed other restaurant workers days before my robbery, but they did not kill me.

Yes, a small group of disgusting cowards attempted to destroy my career through lies, public shaming, and deceit, but I’m still working in the same school, in the same classroom, just as happy as ever.

Yes, it’s true that I have experienced some unfortunate moments in my life, but I’ve also managed to overcome them all.

I’m not sure if this is why I’m an aggressively optimistic person. I tend to think that it has more to due with my general disposition than anything else. Even as a child, I was optimistic. Part of this was my dogged determination to be like everyone else despite my less-than-ideal circumstances. When my parents sent me camping in the middle of winter without the clothing or sleeping bag designed for the frigid temperatures, I simply assumed that I would find a way to stay warm because I was going to be like everyone else, damn it.

I knew I could somehow make it work out, and I did.

During my senior year of high school, when my friends were preparing for college and I was waiting quietly for someone to mention the word “college” to me, knowing that I was going to be forced out of my home after graduating, I was still optimistic that I would someday find a way.

I wish I could’ve gone to college right out of high school and had the college experience I had always dreamed about, but I eventually made it. It took five years, and I was forced to work full-time while attending college full-time, but in the end, my dreams of teaching and writing came true.

See? Optimism.

This is not to say that everything in life works out well or that things are meant to be. I’m well aware that the world is filled with tragedy and disaster, and I have witnessed my share. The optimist does not believe that the world is sunshine and rainbows. The optimist simply expects more positive outcomes than negative ones.

It turns out that if you can find a way to be optimistic, it will also be better for you in the long run.

Researchers analyzing the results of two long-term studies with tens of thousands of participants have found that after controlling for factors such as diet and exercise, a positive outlook was found to be linked to better long-term health outcomes.

Women who were in the top 25 percent with regards to optimism lived an average of 14.9 percent longer than more pessimistic participants, and optimistic men lived 10.9 percent longer.

Optimistic women and men were 1.5 times as likely and 1.7 times as likely, respectively, to reach age 85.

Optimism seems to equate to a longer, healthier life.

Kind of like eating kale. Or practicing yoga.

This makes a lot of sense to me.

If an optimist and a pessimist are both facing a layoff at the end of the month, the optimist will tend to believe that everything is going to work out just fine, while the pessimist will naturally assume the worst. Even if the pessimist is correct and both lose their jobs at the end of the month, the optimist will spend the month with decidedly less stress and angst than the pessimist, and that reduction in stress is probably much better for your health.

The outcomes may be negative, and the pessimist might ultimately be proven correct, but for the optimist, the time leading up to that negative outcome is much less negative.

In other words, the optimist doesn’t extend the effects of the negative outcome into the time that precedes the negative outcome.

That makes a lot of sense to me.

Resolution update: October 2019

Each month I review the progress of my yearly goals and report on that progress as a means of holding myself accountable.

Here are the results for October.

__________________________________

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

Two cars drove by me at dangerously high speeds last night while trick-or-treating, but I managed to avoid getting squished.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I gained a pound in October. I suck.

I’ve lost 7 pounds in total.

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.

Done!

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Not done.

I’m in physical therapy for two shoulders and an elbow, so push-ups, sit ups, and planks are on hold.

I also stopped sit-ups, which probably wasn’t necessary.

5. Do burpees three days a week.

Not done. My physical therapist told me to stop the burpees. Maybe permanently.

Darn it.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2019.

Writing has finally commenced. It’s going very slowly as I write and re-write the first ten pages.

7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist. 

I’m still working on three different children’s books. I like one very much.

8. Write a memoir.

Work continues.

9. Write a new screenplay.

No progress, but I have two very good ideas.

10. Write a musical.

No progress.

11. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

I submitted a piece to the NY Times Modern Love column in April. I received word last month that it was not accepted.

One down. Four to go.

12. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

No progress.

13. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I spent July strategically smiling in hopes that the biofeedback that a smile sends to the brain would alter my mood positively. I wrote about the results of that experiment in October.

This month I’m creating a vision board for myself. I think this is a ridiculous exercise with no discernible benefit, but people seem to think that the inspiration that a vision board provides is useful.

We’ll see.

I need to experiment with one more behavior before the end of the year. Suggestions?

14. Increase my storytelling newsletter subscriber base to 3,000.

DONE! 39 new subscribers in October for a total of 923 new subscribers in 2019. My list now stands at 3,033 subscribers.

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15. Write at least six letters to my father.

No letters written in October. Two written so far this year.

16. Write 100 letters in 2019.

Four letters written in October. 28 letters overall.

Still have a lot of writing to do before the end of the year.

17. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.

Days away from completion thanks to a kind, generous, and amazing human being who has been working on this project. I am so excited.

STORYTELLING

18. Produce a total of 10 Speak Up storytelling events.

DONE! One show produced in October. A solo show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health.

A total of 12 shows produced so far in 2019.

19. Begin selling Speak Up merchandise at our events and/or online.

DONE! We began selling tee shirts and totes at our live podcast recording, and we’ll be selling again at our upcoming shows.

Next step is to make it available online. Suggestions?

20. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

DONE! And what a strange turn of events!

After pitching myself to five TEDx conferences and getting nominated for a sixth with no luck, THREE TEDx organizers invited me to participate in their conferences n October.

I’ll be speaking at TEDx Berkshires in May of 2020.

I was invited to speak at both TEDx Trinity College and TEDx United World College in Changshu, China. Tragically, I had to turn these down due to scheduling conflicts.

21. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! I attended two Moth StorySLAMs - Housing Works in NYC and Oberon in Boston - in the month of October.

This brings my total to 20 events so far.

22. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

DONE! I won Moth StorySLAMs at Housing Works in NYC and at Oberon in Boston in October, bringing my total for 2019 to eight wins.

So far in 2019, I’ve won two slams in NYC, one slam in Seattle, and five slams in Boston.

45 victories in all.

23. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I finished in second place by a tenth of a point in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in January.

I finished in fourth place in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in March, but I think I might’ve told my best story ever.

I competed but did not win the NYC Moth GrandSLAM in June. Silent scoring (I’m not a fan) prevents me from knowing how I placed.

I may be competing in one more Moth GrandSLAM in NYC this year depending on the timing of the GrandSLAM and the number of storytellers in the queue ahead of me.

24. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling. 

Four new episodes released in October.

A total of 36 episodes so far in 2019.

Listen to our latest here or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

25. Perform stand up at least four times in 2019. 

No stand up performed in October.

Three down. Three to go.

26. Develop and teach a Storytelling Master Class, in which participants have an opportunity to tell at least two stories over the course of the day  or tell a story and then retell it based on feedback.

DONE in June! It went surprisingly well, and I’ve been receiving requests to do another.

27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No progress.

28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

I wrote to Marc early in January, asking for him to consider me as a guest.

I wrote again in August.

No response yet.

I’ve also officially requested that my publicist assist me in this endeavor.

If you know Marc Maron, or know someone who knows Marc or know someone who knows Marc’s producer or booker, please let me know. I know that Marc and I would have an amazing conversation, and it’s currently my biggest dream to get on his show.

NEW PROJECTS

29. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.

No progress.

30. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

We received our estimate from the painters. Depending on other expenses, we will likely be painting several rooms this fall, at which point things can be hung on the walls.

32. Renovate our first floor bathroom.

Work has commenced.

33. Organize our second floor bathroom.

Nearly complete. Huzzah.

MISCELLANEOUS

34. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2019.

I made one meal for the family in October.

Seven down. Five to go.

35. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

I had a tentative date, but it looks like it will no longer work.

I’ll be trying for a new date in the spring of 2020.

36. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2019.

I rode my bike with the kids 3 times in October for a total of 13 times in all.

37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2019 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

I did not comment on physical appearance in October.

38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2019.

DONE! Two more surprised in October and eight surprises so far.

In October, I surprised Elysha with a weekend getaway to Dorset, Vermont, informing her on a Wednesday night that I was taking here “somewhere” on Friday for the weekend. We had a fantastic time.

I also skipped the Patriots game on Sunday when my friend and seat mate was too ill to go (and it was pouring rain), so I drove home from Kripalu instead of straight to the game. I determined her location and appeared in aisle 4 of Whole Foods around 1:30 PM rather than the 11:00 PM arrival that was expected.

Added to these were the following surprises in 2019:

I mailed a card to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.

I mailed a second card - much more clever - to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.

I purchased a a Pusheen cross-stitch kit and gave it to her on a day she was giving surprises to the kids.

I hired a landscaper to install a garden plot in our backyard, which she found when came home. She spent the summer growing vegetables for the first time.

While vacationing at Disney World, I surprised Elysha by scheduling a second dessert party and VIP viewing for the Magic Kingdom fireworks. We had enjoyed this treat on our first night in Disney, but it was expensive. But the fireworks were also our favorite part of the entire trip, so I decided to surprise Elysha by repeating the experience on the last night of the trip, regardless of the expense.

While meandering through Pike’s Place Market in Seattle, Elysha spotted a pair of earrings that she loved but thought were too expensive. When she wasn’t looking, I took a photo of the earrings and grabbed a business card from the designer. Then I emailed the designer and asked that the earrings in the attached photo be shipped to me. I had hoped to have the earrings on her desk for the first day of school, but they arrived two days late, so I gave them to her two days later. She was quite surprised to see them again.

39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

I’ve got a window guy now in the event we manage to cobble together the funds for this much needed project.

40. Clean the basement. 

Almost done! I filled a dumpster and need another, but the remaining stuff to throw away is in an area, organized and ready to go. Some final organizational issues need to be addressed, but it is so much better. So close to being done.

41. Set a new personal best in golf.

Just two rounds of golf in October, plus my first lesson with my driver. I’m striking the ball much better, but I still have yet to set a personal best.

42. Play poker at least six times in 2019.

Four games played in 2019. Two to go.

43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.

Two days spent together so far. We have another day planned in a week.

44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Speak Up Storytelling #70: Live from Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health (Part 1)

On episode #70 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, special guest Jeni Bonaldo and I talk storytelling!

This week's episode features the first half of a storytelling show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts as part of a weekend of storytelling instruction.

Following the stories, Jeni and I discuss each one.

We hope you enjoy!  

LINKS

Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling: https://amzn.to/2H3YNn3

Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love: https://amzn.to/2qEByex

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks

Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog: http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it