Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 114

Feeney kept it quiet

My friend, Eric Feeney, was a vegetarian for a year and a half before going back to meat.

Avoiding cheeseburgers, roast beef sandwiches, and prime rib for 18 months is impressive, but here’s what’s truly extraordinary:

He never told me that he was a vegetarian.

Think about it:

A vegetarian who didn’t talk incessantly about being a vegetarian.

It might be one of the most impressive things he’s ever done.

Big kitty love

Tobi sits beside me in the morning and purrs.

Nothing more. He just sits on the table beside my laptop and begins to purr. He’s happy to be with me.

That kind of unadulterated love – in response to nothing except my existence – is so damn profound and so deeply appreciated.

Why don’t they know Jesus?

Grace Christian School in Florida says it will only refer to students by their sex assigned at birth.

Also, pupils who are gay, transgender, or gender nonconforming “will be asked to leave the school immediately.”

Meanwhile, Reverend Carlton Funderburke of the Church of the Well in Kansas City, Missouri condemned his congregation last week as “cheap sons and daughters” for not “honoring” him with a luxury gift.

“That’s how I know you still poor, broke, busted and disgusted, because of how you been honoring me,” Funderburke told his congregation. “I’m not worth your McDonald’s money? I’m not worth your Red Lobster money? I ain’t worth your St. John Knit — y’all can’t afford it nohow. I ain’t worth y’all Louis Vuitton? I ain’t worth your Prada? I’m not worth your Gucci?”

Apparently, the Reverend had requested a luxury watch from his congregants, but they had failed to deliver.

I’m not a person of faith, but I’ve read the Bible cover to cover three times, and I’ve read parts of the Bible many more times. I may not believe that Jesus was the son of God, but I think he was an excellent human being.

What I can say with absolute certainty is that if Jesus were alive today, he would stand opposed to the bigots of Grace Christian School and the greed and selfishness of Carlton Funderburke.

And I think it’s bizarre for any Christian to think otherwise.

I can’t imagine reading the first four books of the New Testament and ever thinking that Jesus would see gay, transgender, and gender nonconforming people are anything but people deserving our respect and love. It makes me think that a certain segment of bigoted Christians either haven’t actually read The Bible or lack even a modicum of reading comprehension.

You would have to be really, really stupid to read the story of Jesus’s life and then do what the administrators of Grace Christian School have done.

As for Reverend Carlton Funderburke and his desire for a luxury watch, I would again point him to the New Testament, Matthew 19:24 specifically, when Jesus says, “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Again, how could you possibly read this and think that you deserve a luxury watch on your congregant’s dime? Does Funderburke really believe that Jesus would approve of his actions?

I know Jesus was a nonviolent guy, but I can’t help but think if he were alive today, he’d want to punch every administrator at Grace Christian Academy and Reverend Carlton Funderburke in their stupid faces.

I know I do.

I’ll never understand it:

Why do these religious bigots and zealots seem to know so little about someone who is so important to their fundamental religious beliefs?

Resolution update: August 2022

Every month I report the progress of my yearly goals in order to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable.  The following are the result from August 2022.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

I received my second shingles vaccine in August. It knocked me on my ass for a couple of days, but that is better than shingles.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I lost no pounds in August. I’ve lost a whopping four pounds in 2022.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

I missed a week of exercising while vacationing in Washington, DC, but otherwise, goal accomplished.

4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.

I failed to achieve this goal for one week in August while on vacation. I otherwise rode almost every day and multiple times on many days.

5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2. 

Handicap established at the beginning of the year was a whopping 35.4.

Handicap is currently 24.3. I continue with my lessons.

Not a great handicap, but still much lower than the beginning of the year.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel.

“Someday is Today” is in bookstores now. Have you purchased your copy yet? Downloaded your audiobook? Both?

I’m well on my way to finishing the revision of my middle-grade novel.  I’ve also started working on my next adult novel in earnest.

I’ve also partnered with a friend on a new book.

Between the middle-grade novel and the new adult novel, one should be completed by the end of the year, I hope.

7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for a potential sale. 

DONE! The follow-up to “Storyworthy” – “You Are Storyworthy” – won’t be my next nonfiction title, even though it’s written. I’ll be writing a different storytelling book first for strategic reasons. Still, the book is done and will be published eventually.

8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.

I’m in the middle of a new picture book entitled “Hug a Fish.” It features a female, non-white protagonist.

I’m also working on a partially written manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”

After some discussion with my agent, I have two other picture books to write.

I like to write these during the school year when I can share them with my students.

9. Complete a memoir.

I have two memoirs in progress:

One about the two-year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.

Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.

The second is about the two-year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.

My agent and I have decided that I’ll pursue the second one first. The recent attacks on education, combined with the rise of cancel culture, make it unfortunately timely and likely of interest to publishers.

10. Write a new screenplay.

I spoke to my writing partner, who has been derailed from our project by several other projects. We hope to resume writing soon.

11. Write a solo show.

I’m working on a solo show based on my arrest and trial for a crime I didn’t commit, but I have another idea:

List all the things I’ve ever stolen on a chalkboard and then tell a story about each one.  Cleverly construct a narrative that encompasses all the stories.

12. Write a musical.

Outline completed. We’ll be using my memoir as a basis for the show, and Kaia, my partner, is writing music, but we have yet to really sit down and work.

13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

DONE!

Six essays submitted so far to the New York Times in 2022.

14. Write at least four letters to my father.

The first letter was mailed in August.

15. Write 100 letters in 2022.

DONE! A total of 26 letters were written in August, including letters to former students, friends, clients, fellow teachers, Liz Cheney, and the principal of a school in Florida that recently asked all gay and transgender students to leave.

A total of 133 letters written in 2022 so far.

16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

I’ve passed this project on to my production manager, but she’s busy with other things at the moment.

17. Read at least 12 books. 

DONE! I’ve read 22 books in 2022 so far.

I read the following books in August:

“The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs” by Carmine Gallo
“Nice Try” by Josh Gondelman
“The Nineties” by Chuck Closterman

I’m currently reading six books:

“Wow. No Thank You” by Samantha Irby
“Telephone” by Percival Everett
“Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty
“The Groucho Letters”

My list of completed books now includes:

“The Nineties”
“The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs”
“Nice Try”
“The World’s Worst Assistant”
“Adventures in the Screen Trade”
“I’ll Show Myself Out”
“How to Tell a Story”
“The Lightning Thief”
“Contagious”
“In the Great Green Room: The Brilliant and Bold Life of Margaret Wise Brown”
“It’s So Easy”
“Poetics”
“The Office BFFs”
“Making Numbers Count”
“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
“Liar’s Poker”
“Matrix”
“Coreyography”

18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like. 

A letter was written to Josh Gondelman in August.

Three letters so far in 2022.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers. 

Recording for the first set of target consumers (corporate folk) is nearly done. A few holes need to be filled. I’ll ultimately need to re-record everything because I can see all the places for improvement, but for now, it’s done and is very good.

Just not excellent yet.

Once we launch, I will begin recording videos for our next target customer. This is unlikely to happen in 2022 given all the work we have ahead of us.

Also, my new basement office and recording studio are complete. My production manager added sound panels, and we now own a camera that makes it simple to record solo. It’s making things a lot easier.

20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.

Success! I received a ton of direct messages in August and responded to each of them. I also posted original content on LinkedIn twice.

21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.

Five shows produced so far in 2022.

We produced a virtual show in collaboration with my school on March 19.

We produced a live, outdoor show in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum on July 13.

I produced two live storytelling shows at The Mount on July 16 and 17.

We produced my book launch event – including storytelling – on July 30.

We’ll be producing “Red Talks: Presented by Confessions of a Mensturator” on October 8.

I’ll also be producing a show in conjunction with a storytelling weekend workshop at Copper Beech Institute on October 28-30.

Our annual Voices of Hope show is scheduled for November 6.

22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

Done!

I pitched to a total of five TEDx conferences back in April.

One has passed on my pitch. One has asked me to expand upon my idea. Awaiting word from the other three.

I also spoke at TEDxCornell in April. The video will be available soon.

I’ve also helped three clients get accepted to TEDx conferences this year.

23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! I attended three Moth StorySLAMs in August in three different cities:

New York, Boston, and Washington, DC.

A total of 14 Moth events so far in 2022.

24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

DONE! THREE TIMES!

I won a StorySLAM in New York in February.

I won a StorySLAM in Boston in June.

I won a Moth StorySLAM in Washington DC in August.

I’ve won three out of six StorySLAMs in 2022. A little below my average win rate but still not bad.

The next time I take the stage at a Moth StorySLAM will be my one-hundredth StorySLAM performance.

25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

DONE! TWICE!

I won Boston’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Wilbur on April 26.

I won New York City’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Music Hall of Williamsburg on May 16.

It was my eighth and ninth GrandSLAM championships.

26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

The recording was going to commence in February and March. The recording of the audiobook of “Someday Is Today” instead replaced our podcasting time for a while.

The recording was going to commence in April and then in May and then in June and then July then August, but recording for other things filled that time.

September. We’ll record in September.

27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel. 

Progress! My production manager has begun to structure and re-design the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release. I’ve also been curating the content, removing material that is no longer relevant.

I’ll begin posting new stories in September. When this happens, I’ll consider the job complete.

28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.

I have a list of open mics that are currently running in Connecticut. More than enough to resume. I asked a friend to join me.

He doesn’t seem enthusiastic.

I’ll try to find the courage to get back on the stand-up stage.

29. Pitch a story to This American Life.

DONE! I pitched one story to This American Life in April.

30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

Done. Three pitches made in 2022.

No response.

31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week). 

Zero newsletters sent in July. A total of 17 sent so far in 2022.

HOME

32. Clear the basement.

Still working through the mess made when the contractor built the studio. Organization is being worked on, but a considerable number of items need to be removed.

A small dumpster may be in order.

33. Organize the children’s books.

DONE!

Books were removed from the kids’ bedrooms and divided into three bunches:

Keep in rotation for kids/students (now been returned to shelves).Store for future grandchildren (now stored in the basement)Give away to those in need (now donated).FAMILY/FRIENDS

34. Text or call brother or sister once per month. 

Done.

35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done.

36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

Done! Thanks to another vacation, a weekend spent with friends, and effort on my part, this goal was accomplished in August.

37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

A date has been chosen for August, but because of vacations, I will be rescheduled for the fall.

38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done. Easy-peasy. I reviewed my philosophy with my new batch of students yesterday. They heartily approved.

More than two dozen people have also begun adhering to this goal in 2022 alone.

 39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance. 

This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children and Elysha quite a bit.

In addition to complimenting my students and family, I also spent August complimenting many clients, lots of friends on the golf course, three friends off the golf course, many storytellers at Moth events, an employee at a bakery, a handful of servers in restaurants, and a bunch of my teaching colleagues.

40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.

DONE!

Three surprises in August:

Tickets to Hamilton on BroadwayA box of small gifts presented on the night before the first day of schoolAnother Pusheen Club box, featuring school-themed Pusheen gifts

Surprises in 2022 also include:

A well-timed Starbucks caramel macchiatoPusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.A complete set of Smith College chinaA card on her dashboard following a less-than-ideal April vacation.A surprise visit to her classroom on an especially challenging day to bring her a cupcake.A card mailed to her school with thoughts of encouragement and love, written by “The Universe.”A planned weekend getaway (later this summer) for her and a friend to Water’s Edge, a resort and spa on the coast of Connecticut.Flowers on Mexican Mother’s DayPusheen Club box, featuring garden-themed Pusheen gifts.A signed first edition of “From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” by E.L. KonigsburgTickets to Hamilton on BroadwayPusheen Club box, featuring school-themed Pusheen gifts.A box of small gifts presented on the night before the first day of school

That’s 13 surprises so far in 2022.

41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.

Two games in total in 2022.

42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Four days spent together so far in 2022.

NEW PROJECTS

43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.

Done! Emergency preparedness kits purchased. I’ve also added several necessary items to each.

44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs.

I learned the lyrics to “Come Sail Away” by Styx in August alongside Charlie. That’s four songs so far:

“Fat Bottomed Girls
“Come On Eileen”
“Mr. Blue Sky”
“Come Sail Away”

I’m still working on “Come a Little Closer” by Jay and the Americans.

45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it. A lot trickier than expected.

47. Memorize 5 new poems.

Still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson. I’m foolishly failing this goal.

I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.

The list is great, but it’s not going to get these poems memorized any faster.

48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.

No progress.

49. Understand Instagram better.

Progress! My intern and I had a conversation, where she taught me about Instagram Stories and Reels. Huzzah!

I’m also working with a social media expert now for my new business.

Nearly ready to call this goal complete.

50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

I started plotting the completion of this task in February. I’m considering moving the project from Blackstone, MA to something more local, but I’m still working on it.

A recent blog post on this subject garnered me many willing volunteers.

51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

How do you write every day?

I recently wrote that I’ve written and published a blog post every day for almost 19 years.

Several readers have asked, “How is that possible?”

Some wondered about logistics. Weren’t their days when you were sick or unavailable or without internet access?

Those questions were answered by explaining that I write some posts beforehand so I always have something to post even on the days when the world makes things difficult.

Posts can also be scheduled, so if I’m worried about being unable to post for any reason, I can schedule the post ahead of time. Back in October of 2011, a snowstorm knocked out the power for more than a week for many people in our area. Absent a cellular hot spot, that may have caused a break in my chain of consecutive posts, but happily, we never lost power.

But most wanted to know something beyond logistics. Specifically, how do you find something to say every day?

Part of this is that I’ve always had a lot to say. I’m curious and opinionated. I don’t allow self-doubt or fear to get in the way of what I write. If I think something is entertaining, interesting, or enlightening, I write and post. I never wonder if it’s good enough to share with the world.

If it’s good for me, it’s good enough for you.

I also read a lot. Doing so brings me in contact with a great many things that I can heartily agree, stridently disagree, question, comment upon, or use as inspiration for something of my own.

I also listen a lot. I listen to books and podcasts, but I also listen carefully to the words of others. I monitor closely how those words impact me. Do I agree or disagree with what is being said? Did someone else’s words make me feel or think a certain way? Was my mind changed? Did I discover a new idea? Did I find newfound hatred for another human being?

I’m also an idea collector. Rather than judging the quality or potential of an idea, I add every idea that I find as a new draft for a future blog post. I currently have 142 drafts, which means I have 142 potential blog posts that are half written, completely written, or simply comprised of a few words, the link to a story, an image that I found on the internet, a photo I took myself, or something similar.

And I hold onto these ideas for as long as it takes me to be inspired to write about them. My oldest draft dates back to 2012.

A decade ago, I had an idea that I thought might make for a good post. I’m still waiting to unlock that idea.

But being inspired sometimes means being excited enough to finally dig into the idea. Sometimes it means that another story or idea has emerged and collided with the original idea, giving me a new way of writing about it. Sometimes something happens in my life that gives an old idea brand new meaning.

When I sit down every morning to write, I first check to see if there’s something new inside me, waiting to come out. Did something happen the day before that is worthy of becoming the topic of a post? Did I have an argument with someone that might make for an entertaining story? Did I hear something hilarious or heartbreaking or annoying or enlightening that I need to write about right away?

If not, I turn to my 142 possibilities. Some are done and ready to go. Some are nearly complete but likely need an ending. A few are finished, but because the post might create a firestorm of feedback from my readers, I’m waiting for a day when I can manage that firestorm better.

But some are simply a sentence or two or an image or a link. I usually know what I want to do with these ideas, so I search for one that strikes me as interesting. Then I write.

This past week, for example:

I wrote a post based on the content of a daily newsletter that I receive.

I wrote a post about something someone said to me during a recent interview.

I wrote a post about the features of a Chrome extension that surprised me.

I wrote a post about an email received about something I had written back in 2014.

I wrote a post about something Charlie recently said to me.

I wrote a post that I originally started back in 2015 after reading a friend’s blog and liking her idea.

I wrote a post about the lyrics of a song.

I wrote a post about a Molière quote that I first began in 2018.

None of this is exceptional in any way. It’s simply a matter of commitment:

Deciding that you will find something to write about every day. Keeping your eyes and ears open to new ideas. Becoming relentless about recording your ideas. Creating a record of your life that you can look back upon with interest, curiosity, nostalgia, and wonder.

I’m not suggesting that you begin your own 19-year journey of writing every day, but I’m not suggesting you don’t, either.

Attention to detail

On Sunday, I tried to make Elysha’s last day of summer vacation as lovely as possible by doing as many chores as possible for her.

Before leaving for the lake, I loaded the dishwasher, added soap, and ran the machine. When we returned from the lake, I emptied the machine, putting all the dishes away, thus freeing her from any thought of doing the chore herself.

Except I never pressed the start button on the dishwasher. I added the detergent but never actually commenced the wash cycle.

I did, however, still empty the contents of the dishwasher upon returning from the lake. I placed dirty bowls, cups, mugs, and silverware into cabinets and drawers, failing to realize that any of these items were still clearly and obviously dirty.

A short time later, Elysha found these dirty items in the cabinets and drawers, requiring her to undo my stupidity and thus adding to her burden.

Later that evening, she also discovered that last week, when I had gallantly changed the cat litter for her, I had placed the lid to one of the litter boxes backward, thereby blocking the entrance to the said litter box with the wall, making it inaccessible to the cats.

Thank goodness we have two litter boxes.

I am not always a detail-oriented person.

When Elysha or I attempt to describe how inattentive to detail I can sometimes be, people often think we’re exaggerating. It’s admittedly odd given that I obviously pay enormous attention to detail when doing things like writing novels, performing onstage, planning lessons, driving a car, and more.

It’s true.

I’m perfectly capable of focusing intensely on the minutia, but I’m also the kind of person who can empty a dishwasher filled with dirty dishes without ever noticing.

Poor Elysha.

Zombies. But not zombies.

Oftentimes, the best way to make an argument, teach a lesson, entertain a reader, or convince an audience of the rightness of your idea is to bring together two things that are dissimilar in content but integrally linked in theme, message, or meaning.

I call this “speaking with adjacency.”

The strategy is predicated on the power of surprise. I make my audience believe that I’m talking about one thing, but then I show them how I was actually talking about something entirely different and yet also exactly the same.

That cognitive snap from one subject to another is powerful. The surprise is wonderfully jarring, and the effect is to allow your audience to see an idea in an entirely new and profound way.

I often do the same thing when telling a story. I convince my audience that I’m telling an amusing or hilarious tale, then, just when their guard is completely down and their hearts are wide open, I snap them into the true, tragic reality that I was planning all along.

Elysha calls this my “laugh, laugh, cry” formula. Like speaking with adjacency, it’s predicated on the power of surprise.

Like speaking with adjacency, it’s a highly impactful way to tell a story.

This example, from Walk Hickey’s newsletter NumLock News, is a brilliant example of speaking with adjacency:
_____________________________________________

The Return

Every civilization, every culture, has the myth of the revenant, the dead thing that returns by one means or another to a state resembling the living. In ancient Norway they called them gjengangers, in China a jiāngshī, and a hajduk in Serbia would have called this undead thing a vampir. On every continent and in every history, mankind has had to muster a word for a thing that should be dead, must be dead, was in fact dead, but in violation of the laws that govern our human mortality returns to conclude unfinished business by whatever savage means they think necessary.

This, plainly, should terrify us.

No matter where you lived or where you came from, the idea of an animated corpse wearing the flesh of a loved one and undermining the social order and peace that we have built? These things exist, and they will greet you with the face of an old friend, and every nugget of folklore we know says that is what you must fear most.

That being said, yesterday MoviePass — a subscription service that collapsed totally after offering unsustainable unlimited movie screenings for $9.95 per month — announced it will return on September 5, with three subscription price tiers of $10, $20 and $30 per month.
_____________________________________________

See what Hickey does?

He teaches you something kind of astounding about zombies, only to then use that knowledge to poke fun at a company with a ridiculous business model that’s trying to revive itself yet again.

The sudden, cognitive snap from zombie to Movie Pass is fantastic. Surprising, memorable, and hilarious. The shift is tonal, temporal, content specific, and fantastic.

Bravo, Walt Hickey. A perfect example of speaking with adjacency.

I was homeless. Not unhoused. At least for now.

During a recent podcast interview, the host asked me to talk about the struggles that I experienced when I was in my early twenties. I told him that after being arrested for a crime I didn’t commit, I quickly lost my job and then my apartment, leaving me homeless for about six weeks before a family discovered my plight and invited me to stay with them.

“Unhoused,” the host said.

“What?”

“Unhoused,” he repeated. “Did you mean to say that you were unhoused?”

I understood what he meant. “Unhoused” has become the preferred way of identifying a person without a home, at least for some people. They argue that the label “homeless” has derogatory connotations, implying that one is “less than,” and it, therefore, undermines their self-esteem.

I’m not opposed to the change. I’m not sure if I agree with its necessity, but if “unhoused” becomes the universally preferred alternative to “homeless,” I’m certainly capable of making this shift in language.

But what I said to the podcast host was this:

“I understand that the word ‘unhoused’ is becoming the preferred way of describing someone who is homeless, and I may someday use that word when telling my story, but I am absolutely certain that it’s not your job to tell someone who actually experienced homelessness that they are labeling their life history incorrectly.”

To the host’s credit, he immediately recognized his mistake and apologized profusely.

“I’ll be sure to remove this part of the conversation from the podcast,” he said.

“I think you should leave it,” I replied.

Please don’t get me wrong:

I am not an inflexible, insensitive, traditionalist who can’t adjust my language to meet the needs of a changing society. Unlike some of our more lexicographically challenged Americans, I can use the gender pronouns that a human being prefers without becoming verbally incapacitated, illogically outraged, or righteously religious.

But what I oppose is the aggressive, impatient demands for people to change their thinking and language overnight. I’m opposed to those who respond with anger, indignation, or self-righteousness when someone makes an honest mistake or isn’t aware of a recent shift in preferred vocabulary or simply needs time to come to terms with the change.

What I like to remind these sanctimonious, little monsters is this:

There are words and phrases that you are using today that will be considered horrendous and insensitive in twenty years. Like every generation before yours, some of the words and phrases being used today will ultimately be deemed unspeakable by future generations. If you think we’ve reached some Platonic ideal of respectful, sensitive language, you are short-sighted, foolish, and chock full of hubris and smugness.

Curb your indignation for the verbal insensitivities of today because you’ll find yourself in the same position in a decade or two.

Here’s the one difference:

Three decades ago, when I was innocently using words deemed incredibly offensive today, no one was recording me, nor was I incessantly recording myself. I wasn’t posting that now-vile language on social media for future generations to read and see. The sanctimonious, little monsters of today are unknowingly memorializing their horrendous language for future generations to see and judge.

So yes, I may one day describe my previous condition as unhoused rather than homeless, but having been in that position, it’s definitely my decision to make.

Grammarly knows me.

I’ve recently started using the Grammarly Chrome extension to better identify the errors in my writing.

It’s reduced the frequency of errors considerably. While most word processing software can identify errors well, Grammarly finds errors contextually, meaning it finds those sneaky mistakes in which the word is spelled correctly but is definitely the wrong word.

I tend to make me/my mistakes, for example. Grammarly sees these errors and helps me correct them before someone else needs to correct them.

On Sunday, Grammarly sent me an analysis of my week of writing.

It was astounding. Not only did it identify my most frequent errors, but it gave me big picture analysis, including:

I wrote 56,362 words last week, which made me more productive than 95% of Grammarly users.
I was more accurate than 71% of Grammarly users.
I used 5,617 unique words last week, which is better than 98% of Grammarly users.

All of this was lovely to hear.

Even more astonishing was Grammarly’s analysis of the overall tone of my writing. The list of words to describe the tone of my writing included confident, friendly, optimistic, joyful, and informative.

You may not agree, but I think Grammarly identified me via my writing incredibly well. Confident and optimistic are probably two of my most defining traits, though they are not always appreciated by all. And while I’m not always friendly and can be downright confrontational and argumentative at times, I tend to be friendly to most people.

I’m also quite joyful. I try to be informative.

The phrase “You are what you eat” also apparently applies to writing:

You are what you write.

The Grammarly extension is free. You can upgrade it on a monthly or yearly basis, but everything that I described can be yours with a couple of clicks of the mouse.

Let Grammarly define you, too.

Sandwich solidarity

Back in February 2014, I wrote about the joy of peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches.

I wrote:
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When I was a kid, my mother didn’t especially care about my hatred for mayonnaise. When the canned tuna fish was on sale, we were eating it, damn it. Initially, this meant tuna fish straight out of the can and onto Wonder bread for me. The result was a dry, bland sandwich, but even worse, it was impossible to keep the tuna inside the bread without the mayonnaise adhesive. Invariably, I’d end up holding two slices of bread in my hands with a pile of tuna fish in my lap.

In an effort to solve this problem, I began experimenting with alternatives to mayonnaise.

Catsup was not good.

Butter was ineffective.

Honey was a disaster.

Then I stumbled upon the solution:

Peanut butter.

Heat up a few tablespoons of peanut butter in the microwave or a saucepan on the stove until it is warm and thin, then mix it with tuna fish.

It’s a protein-packed alternative that holds the tuna together nicely and actually tastes good, too.
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Lots of people have criticized this unusual combination, almost always without actually trying it themselves. A couple of my friends have actually tasted the unusual sandwich and approved, but the vast majority either refuse and/or declare it ridiculous and awful.

Yesterday I received an email from a reader named Stephen.

He wrote:

I am a 65-year-old man who has been eating peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches all my life. I discovered it as a kid and still eat it to this day. Thank you for writing about it. I have been a closet fan all my life. Thanks.

Somehow Stephen stumbled upon something I wrote eight years ago and found solace and comfort in our sandwich solidarity.

I write for a multitude of reasons, but this is an important one:

You never know when something you write will reach the heart and mind of another human being and make them feel less alone in this world. This is especially true when you’re willing to be vulnerable and say things that often go unsaid:

Stories of failure, embarrassment, rejection, shame, and struggle. Moments when you oppose conformity and societal norms. Terrible decisions and disastrous consequences.

Writing about my approval of peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches doesn’t exactly require a lot of vulnerability on my part, but then again, at least one person in this world had kept his fandom of these sandwiches a secret for more than six decades in fear of what others may say.

For Stephen, writing about these sandwiches would’ve required a great deal of vulnerability, which is why he found my words so valuable.

I’m happy to have helped Stephen feel a little better about his peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches. And his writing to me, in the form of an email, made me feel a little bit better, too.

You should write, too. It makes the world a better, more connected, more inclusive place.

Also try peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches. They might surprise you.