Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 111
October 4, 2022
Entertain, damn it.
Filmmaker Kevin Smith’s approach to addressing any audience is the same as mine. He writes in his memoir that anytime a person speaks to a group of people, of any size, in any context, the speaker has a duty to be entertaining.
I couldn’t agree more.
I have attended hundreds (and perhaps thousands) of meetings throughout my lifetime in which the person making the presentation, conducting the workshop, or otherwise delivering the content has made no effort to engage the audience in an entertaining and memorable way.
I will never understand this.
Regardless of who you are or what your previous experience might be, I believe that every person is capable of being entertaining while delivering content if they are willing to invest the time and effort required to prepare.
This could involve the use of humor, self-deprecation, storytelling, drama, or surprise. It could mean designing a presentation that allows for meaningful and engaging involvement and interaction. You could add the element of competition to the presentation. You could be presenting especially compelling, supremely useful information or unique insight. It could include the use of food or props or even a costume. Whatever it takes to make your presentation entertaining and memorable to your audience.
Smith argues that the speaker or presenter is obligated to be entertaining for the sake of the audience. It’s what I call The Spiderman Principle of Meetings and Presentations (though Voltaire admittedly said it first):
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
If you are conducting a one-hour meeting, you have effectively stolen one hour from every person in the room. It is therefore your responsibility to ensure that the hour is not wasted by reading from PowerPoint slides, providing information that could have been delivered via email, lecturing, pontificating, pandering, or otherwise boring your audience.
But I also believe that there is a second, equally important reason to be entertaining:
It is a more effective way of conveying content to an audience.
When a student-teacher presents me with a lesson that they would like to teach my class, my first question is always this:
“What’s the hook? What’s the reason for my students to listen and pay attention to you?”
Far too often inexperienced (and ineffective) teachers believe that if they design a lesson using all of the methods and strategies they have learned in college, students will sit quietly, attend fully, and absorb the content.
This will probably be the case for about two-thirds of an average class of students. But for the other third, effective lesson design is never enough. These are the students who slip through the cracks in many classrooms. They are the kids with the ability and potential but lack the necessary skills to learn. They are the children who are not predisposed to quiet, thoughtful attentiveness. They are the kids who can barely sit still. The ones with one foot still on the baseball diamond and one finger on the videogame controller. They are the students who do not believe in themselves or their capacity for a bright future. They are kids who come to school hungry and tired and still reeling from the chaos and violence of an evening at home.
These are the students who need a reason to listen. They need to be excited about learning.
I believe it is the teacher’s responsibility to provide a reason to learn. A meaningful, entertaining, engaging, thrilling, fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants reason to keep their eyes, ears, and minds open.
This is why every lesson requires a hook.
A hook is not a statement like, “This material will be on Friday’s test” or “This is something you’ll use for the rest of your life.”
A hook is an attempt to be entertaining, engaging, surprising, thought-provoking, challenging, daring, or even shocking. This can be done in dozens and perhaps hundreds of ways.
A teacher can be funny. Surprising. Animated. Confused. Even purposefully depressed. A teacher can offer students uncommon levels of choice or challenge them with meaningful, winner-takes-all competitions. A lesson can include something students have never seen before or (even better) something they have seen a thousand times before but in an entirely new context. A teacher can use storytelling and drama and suspense to convey information. The lesson can include cooperative learning in groups that the children will actually enjoy. Students can be made the center of the lesson. Students can be invited to teach the lesson. Lessons can be broken up into smaller, rapidly changing, multi-modal segments to hold student interest.
This is just a smidgen of the strategies teachers can use, and most of them, if not all, can also be used by a person running a meeting, conducting a workshop, or otherwise stealing an hour from people in order to convey content.
This is how I approach teaching on an everyday basis. I believe with all my heart that I am stealing seven hours of their childhood from each of my students every day. I am paid to be a thief. I rob my students of hour upon hour of the most precious and fleeting time of their lives. Therefore, I have a duty to make this time as meaningful, productive, memorable, and yes, entertaining as possible.
The best thing about all this:
If I do so, not only will my students be happy, and not only will they look forward to school every day, but they will also learn better. Retain more. Become more skilled and knowledgeable and equipped for all that life has to offer.
Happy children make teaching much easier.
The same holds true when conducting a meeting. Happy, engaged, entertained adults also make the job of delivering content easier.
Start with happiness, and everything else falls into place.
Entertain your audience, and they will almost certainly be happy.
October 3, 2022
The whole damn world is a Starbuck’s drive-thru line
Elysha and I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot, weaving around a dozen cars lined up in the drive-thru lane so we could park.
She was running inside for coffee that she preordered on the app.
The drive-thru line was so long it stretched onto the street. Meanwhile, the interior of the Starbuck was utterly bereft of customers.
“What are those people thinking?” Elysha wondered aloud as we weaved our way around the drive-thru line and back into the street.
I agreed. What the hell are these people thinking?
And yes, a few of them may have had sleeping children in the back seat or a painful sciatic nerve that made entering and exiting the vehicle challenging, but all twelve?
No way.
Most of these people were fools. While baristas waited inside to fulfill orders, they sat in a drive-thru line, wasting time.
Elysha was right. What the hell are these people thinking?
But what I didn’t tell Elysha was this:
The whole damn world looks like a Starbucks drive-thru line for me. All day long, I watch people dither away minutes like they are meaningless. They plow through life assuming that there will always be a tomorrow. I watch people leisurely stroll through parking lots like it’s a fine place to spend quality time. They doom-scroll through social media or play stupid games on their phones while complaining about never having enough time in the day to get things done. They fret over minuscule, irrelevant detritus while ignoring the mountains of meaning standing before them. I listen as they promise to start chasing their dreams – someday – when the time is right.
As if “the time is just right” moments are like dandelions, popping up wherever you look.
Every damn day, I watch people treat their most precious commodity – time – like it’s a Canadien penny.
Every day, everywhere I look, I see twelve-car pile-ups in a Starbuck drive-thru.
And yes, I know… this view of the world is highly predicated on my own personal values and beliefs. It presupposes that my approach to life is the ideal one. It’s admittedly harsh, judgmental, sanctimonious, and prickish.
It probably makes me sound like a jerk.
But here’s something else I know:
The future versions of all those people in the Starbuck drive-thru line, who could’ve just as easily gone inside an empty store to pick up their coffee, agree with me.
When the future versions of those people look back on their lives and think about what they’ve accomplished and how they spent their time, they will regret every minute wasted with foolishness that could have been spent chasing their dreams, playing with their kids, enjoying the company of friends and loved ones, walking dogs, petting cats, reading books, exercising, watching great movies, making music, having sex, growing vegetables, staring at clouds, walking through parks, visiting museums, napping, skipping, baking, and a multitude of other meaningful, memorable things.
I know I sound like an arrogant, self-righteous jerk today, but I suspect that the future versions of these time-wasters are enthusiastically siding with me.
October 2, 2022
Just a little paint…
Elysha and I have taken our kids to the Ben & Jerry’s in Canton many times. We meet Elysha’s parents in the shopping center for dinner and then walk over to the ice cream shop for dessert.
On Sunday, we discovered that the sidewalk outside Ben & Jerry’s had been painted with an obstacle course of sorts, inviting kids to hop, skip, dance, and more.
Clara and Charlie loved it. It converted a previously ordinary slice of sidewalk into something different and special.
It’s a good reminder:
It often takes very little to bring joy into this world. A kind word, a simple act of generosity, the acknowledgment of a job done well, or in this case, the creative use of a little paint that converted a slab of cement into a playful adventure for children and a wonderful memory for me.
An ounce of creativity and a smidgen of effort can really make a difference in this world.
October 1, 2022
Resolution update: September 2022
1. Don’t die.
Charlie caught COVID, but I avoided it, so feeling fairly indestructible.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I gained two pounds in September. Mostly thanks to an old-fashioned cold that kept me from exercising for almost a week.
Also a Patriots tailgate and some other large, wonderful meals.
Down just two pounds for the year.
3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
I missed almost a week of exercising while recovering from a cold. Otherwise, goal accomplished.
4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.
I missed a week because of my cold, but I actually rode my bike for 19 days in September despite the lost days due to illness.
5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2.
Handicap established at the beginning of the year was a whopping 35.4.
Handicap is currently 23.3, down a stroke from August.
Not a great handicap, but still much lower than the beginning of the year, and my lessons continue.
WRITING CAREER6. Complete my seventh novel.
“Someday is Today” is in bookstores now. Have you purchased your copy yet? Downloaded your audiobook? Both?
I’m well on my way to finishing the revision of my middle-grade novel. I’ve also started working on my next adult novel in earnest.
Between the middle-grade novel and the new adult novel, one should be completed by the end of the year, I hope.
7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for a potential sale.
DONE! The follow-up to “Storyworthy” – “You Are Storyworthy” – won’t be my next nonfiction title, even though it’s written. I’ll be writing a different storytelling book first for strategic reasons.
Still, the book is done and will be published eventually.
8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.
I’m in the middle of a new picture book entitled “Hug a Fish.” It features a female, non-white protagonist.
I’m also working on a partially written manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”
After some discussion with my agent, I have two other picture books to write, but a book that Elysha suggested. All are in various states of incompletion.
I’ve started writing in school as a means of sharing writing and the process with my students.
9. Complete a memoir.
I have two memoirs in progress:
One about the two-year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.
Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.
The second is about the two-year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.
My agent and I have decided that I’ll pursue the second one first. The recent attacks on education, combined with the rise of cancel culture, make it unfortunately timely and likely of interest to publishers.
10. Write a new screenplay.
I spoke to my writing partner, who has been derailed from our project by several other projects. We hope to resume writing soon.
11. Write a solo show.
I’m working on a solo show based on my arrest and trial for a crime I didn’t commit, but I have another idea:
List all the things I’ve ever stolen on a chalkboard and then tell a story about each one. Cleverly construct a narrative that encompasses all the stories.
12. Write a musical.
Outline completed. We’ll be using my memoir as a basis for the show, and Kaia, my partner, is writing music, but we have yet to really sit down and work.
13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
DONE!
Another piece was submitted in September. Still awaiting word.
Seven essays submitted so far to the New York Times in 2022.
14. Write at least four letters to my father.
The first letter was mailed in August.
15. Write 100 letters in 2022.
DONE! A total of 17 letters were written in September, including letters to students, friends, a superintendent, a letter of recommendation, and Governors Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott, informing them of their cruelty and stupidity.
A total of 150 letters written in 2022 so far.
16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.
I’ve passed this project on to my production manager, but she’s busy with other things at the moment.
17. Read at least 12 books.
DONE! I’ve read 23 books in 2022 so far.
I read the following books in September:
“Telephone” by Percival Everett
“I’d Like to Play Alone, Please” by Tom Segura
“Revolutionary Summer: The Birth of American Independence” by Joseph Ellis
I’m currently reading books:
“We Don’t Need Roads: The Making of the Back to the Future Trilogy” by Caseen Gaines
“Wow. No Thank You” by Samantha Irby
“Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty
“The Groucho Letters”
My list of completed books now includes:
“Telephone”
“I’d Like to Play Alone, Please”
“Revolutionary Summer: The Birth of American Independence”
“The Nineties”
“The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs”
“Nice Try”
“The World’s Worst Assistant”
“Adventures in the Screen Trade”
“I’ll Show Myself Out”
“How to Tell a Story”
“The Lightning Thief”
“Contagious”
“In the Great Green Room: The Brilliant and Bold Life of Margaret Wise Brown”
“It’s So Easy”
“Poetics”
“The Office BFFs”
“Making Numbers Count”
“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
“Liar’s Poker”
“Matrix”
“Coreyography”
18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like.
No letters were written in September.
Three letters so far in 2022.
STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers.
Recording for the first set of target consumers (corporate folk) is done!
I’ll ultimately need to re-record everything because I can see all the places for improvement, but for now, it’s done and is very good.
Just not excellent yet.
Once we launch, I will begin recording videos for our next target customer.
Also, my new basement office and recording studio are complete. My production manager added sound panels, and we now own a second camera that makes it simple to record solo. It’s making things a lot easier.
20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.
Success! I received a ton of direct messages in September and responded to each of them.
21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.
Five shows produced so far in 2022.
We produced a virtual show in collaboration with my school on March 19.
We produced a live, outdoor show in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum on July 13.
I produced two live storytelling shows at The Mount on July 16 and 17.
We produced my book launch event – including storytelling – on July 30.
We’ll be producing “Red Talks: Presented by Confessions of a Mensturator” on October 8.
I’ll also be producing a show in conjunction with a storytelling weekend workshop at Copper Beech Institute on October 28-30.
Our annual Voices of Hope show is scheduled for November 6.
22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.
Done!
I pitched to a total of five TEDx conferences back in April.
One has passed on my pitch. One has asked me to expand upon my idea. Awaiting word from the other three.
I also spoke at TEDxCornell in April. The video will be available soon.
I’ve also helped three clients get accepted to TEDx conferences this year.
23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
DONE! I attended one Moth StorySLAM in September in Boston. My name was not pulled from the hat.
A total of 15 Moth events so far in 2022.
24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.
DONE! THREE TIMES!
I won a StorySLAM in New York in February.
I won a StorySLAM in Boston in June.
I won a Moth StorySLAM in Washington DC in August.
I’ve won three out of six StorySLAMs in 2022. A little below my average win rate but still not bad.
The next time I take the stage at a Moth StorySLAM will be my one-hundredth StorySLAM performance.
25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.x
DONE! TWICE!
I won Boston’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Wilbur on April 26.
I won New York City’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Music Hall of Williamsburg on May 16.
It was my eighth and ninth GrandSLAM championships.
26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
The recording was going to commence in February and March. The recording of the audiobook of “Someday Is Today” instead replaced our podcasting time for a while.
The recording was going to commence in April and then in May and then in June and then July then August then September, but recording for other things filled that time.
October. We’ll record in October.
27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel.
More progress! My production manager has begun to structure and re-design the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release. I’ve also been curating the content, and I finished removing material that is no longer relevant.
My team is also launching a second YouTube channel for me for our new business, so I’m on the cusp of calling this one complete.
28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.
I have a list of open mics that are currently running in Connecticut. More than enough to resume. I asked a friend to join me.
He doesn’t seem enthusiastic.
I’ll try to find the courage to get back on the stand-up stage.
29. Pitch a story to This American Life.
DONE! I pitched one story to This American Life in April.
30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.
Done. Three pitches made in 2022.
No response.
31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week).
One newsletter was sent in September. A total of 18 sent so far in 2022.
HOME32. Clear the basement.
Still working through the mess made when the contractor built the studio. Organization is being worked on, but a considerable number of items need to be removed.
I’m making incremental progress.
33. Organize the children’s books.
DONE!
Books were removed from the kids’ bedrooms and divided into three bunches:
Keep in rotation for kids/students (now been returned to shelves).Store for future grandchildren (now stored in the basement)Give away to those in need (now donated).FAMILY/FRIENDS34. Text or call brother or sister once per month.
Done.
35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.
Done.
36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.
Unless I count family photos (including Clara and Charlie), and I don’t, none in September.
37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
A date has been chosen for August, but because of vacations, I will be rescheduled for the fall.
38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about the physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
Done. Simple, smart, and right.
More than two dozen people have also begun adhering to this goal in 2022.
39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance.
This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children and Elysha quite a bit.
In addition to complimenting my students and family, I also spent September complimenting many clients, lots of friends on the golf course, at least three friends off the golf course, a handful of storytellers at a Moth event, and a bunch of my teaching colleagues.
This goal has proven to be a layup.
40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.
DONE!
Three surprises in September:
Tickets to Beetlejuice on Broadway for NovemberTickets to the CT Forum to see Sonia Sotomayor in NovemberCupcakes for our Labor Day “end of summer” dinnerSurprises in 2022 also include:
A well-timed Starbucks caramel macchiatoPusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.A complete set of Smith College chinaA card on her dashboard following a less-than-ideal April vacation.A surprise visit to her classroom on an especially challenging day to bring her a cupcake.A card mailed to her school with thoughts of encouragement and love, written by “The Universe.”A planned weekend getaway (later this summer) for her and a friend to Water’s Edge, a resort and spa on the coast of Connecticut.Flowers on Mexican Mother’s DayPusheen Club box, featuring garden-themed Pusheen gifts.A signed first edition of “From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” by E.L. KonigsburgTickets to Hamilton on BroadwayPusheen Club box, featuring school-themed Pusheen gifts.A box of small gifts presented on the night before the first day of schoolTickets to Beetlejuice on Broadway for NovemberTickets to the CT Forum to see Sonia Sotomayor in NovemberCupcakes for our Labor Day “end of summer” dinnerThat’s 16 surprises so far in 2022.
41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.
Two games in total in 2022.
42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.
Four days spent together so far in 2022.
NEW PROJECTS43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.
Done! Emergency preparedness kits purchased. I’ve also added several necessary items to each.
44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs.
I’m still working on “Come a Little Closer” by Jay and the Americans.
Also “More Than a Feeling” by Boston and “Runaway” by Bon Jovi.
Songs I’ve memorized this year include:
“Fat Bottomed Girls
“Come On Eileen”
“Mr. Blue Sky”
“Come Sail Away”
45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week.
Done.
46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.
Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it. A lot trickier than expected.
47. Memorize 5 new poems.
Still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson. I’m foolishly failing this goal.
I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.
The list is great, but it’s not going to get these poems memorized any faster.
48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.
No progress.
49. Understand Instagram better.
Done! My social media team is now running parts of my Instagram, and I understand what they are doing, how they did it, and why they are doing it.
50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.
I started plotting the completion of this task in February. I’m considering moving the project from Blackstone, MA to something more local, but I’m still working on it.
A recent blog post on this subject garnered me many willing volunteers.
51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.
Done.
September 30, 2022
Less is often more
September 29, 2022
Delaying gratification: A balancing act
The ability to delay gratification is imperative for a successful life.
The willingness to put aside the desire to play when the need to study arises is the difference between academic excellence and academic mediocrity.
The willingness to exercise when less painful pursuits are easily at hand is the difference between living a healthy life and one less healthy.
The same holds true for food. Though a daily cheeseburger and scoop of ice cream are deeply appealing, the ability to put aside those desires and eat more nutritious food is the difference between a healthy life and one less healthy.
The willingness to put aside a certain percentage of your income – thus delaying desired purchases – is the difference between a retirement of financial ease and a retirement of financial concern.
Delaying gratification is one of the most important skills that a person can possess.
Yet Derek Thompson is also correct. Those who are constantly, relentlessly building for tomorrow at the expense of today will end up missing out on some of the greatest joys of life.
Balance, of course, is key.
If you spend your life waiting for retirement to travel the world, an untimely bolt of lightning may result in having never seen the world before your demise.
If you spend your life avoiding dinner with friends because eating in restaurants is more expensive than eating at home, you may find yourself with a larger bank account but far fewer people with whom to share your life.
If you spend your life waiting for the right moment to launch that business, embark on that artistic endeavor, or make that big change, it will likely never happen.
You’ll almost certainly die waiting.
Life is tragically bereft of “right moments.”
Someday is today.
A certain amount of delayed gratification is essential to ensure a happy future.
Delaying gratification too much, assuming that you always have a tomorrow, and thinking that you’ll enjoy the fruits of your labor “someday” is a guaranteed way to live a static life, absent of many of the things that make life worth living.
Tomorrow is important but remember, too, that someday is today.
September 28, 2022
Malaria vaccine will change the world forever
Amazing news out of the University of Oxford:
A malaria vaccine trial on 409 children was found to have an 80 percent rate of protection.
Malaria kills 409,000 people a year — mostly babies — so this is historically, astoundingly, profoundly good news.
Not only is the vaccine inexpensive, but the team behind it has a manufacturing deal already done to produce over 100 million doses a year.
The results of a larger trial with 4,800 children are due at the end of the year.
I know some dummies won’t take the vaccine because of ridiculous conspiracy theories or fear that the vaccine will damage their fragile, masculine egos, but for millions of people, especially children, this will be a literal lifesaver.
In a world where catastrophizing everything seems quite popular these days, I like to ensure that the good news is not missed.
September 27, 2022
Worst decision #1: SportsCenter hat
Humiliation is always amusing. Right?
Here’s one:
A purple SportCenter hat, which I purchased while on a tour of ESPN circa 1995 and wore religiously for more than two years, was not a good decision on my part.
Placing a purple hat advertising a television show atop your head is not exactly the way one should move through this world. Also, it was cheaply made, so after a year or so, the sun had bleached it to an odd, uneven pink hue.
And still, I wore it. It was atrocious.
Worst of all, I thought it was very cool.
I stopped wearing it only because a friend of mine finally confiscated and destroyed it for my own good.
He burned it in his fireplace.
If you had any doubt about the awfulness of this hat, my friend’s actions should end them now.
Although ESPN still sells SportCenter hats today, I have never seen another human being wearing one of these hats, and I live less than ten miles from the ESPN campus and have known my fair share of ESPN employees and on-air talent over the years.
Never once did I see this hat or any SportsCenter in the wild except when it was on my head.
Happily, no photos appear to exist of me wearing this hat, which is the only good thing I can say about this hat.
September 26, 2022
Is The Yearling a sad movie?
Is The Yearling a sad movie?
I knew that the film was based upon a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, and I knew it had a reputation for being sad, but I’d never read the book or seen the film, so I was curious.
Was it really as sad as people say?
So I Google’d “Is The Yearling sad?”
When Google returned its results, an answer appeared in paragraph form on the top of the results page. It read:
“Parents need to know that this movie has a few tense and sad scenes that may upset younger or more sensitive kids, but overall it’s a fine family film. A young boy dies, and a mother shoots her son’s pet deer.”
A few tense and sad scenes?
“A young boy dies, and a mother shoots her son’s pet deer” is one of the saddest sentences I’ve read in a long time.
I’ve still never seen the movie, but I’m quite sure that the answer should’ve read:
“Yes, it’s sad! A little boy dies! Also, a mother murders her child’s beloved pet deer. How much sadder can a movie get?”
September 25, 2022
Religious wisdom on a boat
Charlie and I are on a paddleboard in the middle of Dunning Lake when I hear the first rumble of thunder in the distance. Charlie hears it, too.
“Time to head to shore,” he says.
He’s not wrong. The lifeguards will call us in soon enough. But it’s one of our final days of summer, so I want to stretch this moment out as long as possible.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “That was just God bowling.”
“Dad,” Charlie says, sounding exasperated. “You don’t believe in God, and neither do I. You know that.”
“I know,” I say. “But don’t you kind of wish that God was real? Don’t you want God to be real?”
Because I do. I’m perpetually envious of people who possess complete and total faith in God and the afterlife. I would love to believe in heaven. I hope that I’m wrong and that God is absolutely, positively real.
Maybe not the terrible and murderous God described in The Bible who indiscriminately kills people for the pettiest of reasons, but a kinder, gentler, more benevolent God.
Hopefully female. Or maybe an all-knowing, all-powerful puppy.
When people ask me about my religious beliefs, I often describe myself as a reluctant atheist. It’s the perfect summation of how I feel/
Charlie rolls his eyes when I ask him if he wishes that God were real. “Dad,” he says, “Do you really think it would be a good idea to have just one guy in charge of everything?”
And just like that, even an all-knowing, all-powerful puppy sounds like a bad idea.
Damn that boy.
