Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 108

Not odd or dysfunctional at all

My friend, Jeni, planned to introduce me to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the chance. I was speaking to other people at the time, so saying hello would’ve apparently taken too much effort on Jeni’s part.

“But I prepared her to meet you,” Jeni said.

“Prepared?”

Jeni explained that yes, she always prepares people before introducing them to me. And it’s not what you’re thinking. She doesn’t say things like, “He’s a bestselling novelist, award-winning teacher, champion storyteller, noted humanitarian, and the greatest husband and father on the planet.”

Instead, she lets them know that my favorite thing is to embarrass her in front of strangers.

She also added that I’m the only person in the world for whom this is required.

“That’s stupid,” I said.

Jeni explained that not only does she prepare people to meet me, but our mutual friend, Amy, does the same. In fact, Amy was planning to bring a friend to dinner at our home months ago. On the phone, Jeni said, “You’re going to explain Matt to him before they meet. Right?”

“Of course,” Amy said.

That dinner never happened thanks to COVID, but still, the preparation took place.

What the hell?

What Jeni fails to understand is the correlation between my willingness to say embarrassing things about her and the deep and abiding friendship that I feel for her.

My friends and I tease each other all the time. Though we are incredibly supportive of one another and often extend ourselves in exceptional ways when needed, we can also be relentless in our desire to tease, embarrass, and prank one another whenever possible.

Admittedly, this dynamic is oftentimes found only in my male friendships, but Jeni is admittedly included in this dynamic, as is Amy. I think it’s because we’re all storytellers, teachers, and writers. We swim in the same pond, care deeply about the same things, and often think about things in the same way.

Jeni and I can watch a storyteller perform onstage and know exactly what each other is thinking without ever saying a word. She understands my ridiculousness, and I understand hers.

I’ve asked Jeni to listen to an episode of the podcast SmartLess, hosted by Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Sean Hayes. Those three men love each other, yet they tease one another constantly. The whole show is predicated on the relationship that these three men share, and it’s almost always peppered with insults, embarrassments, and scolding.

I’m not sure if that will make her feel better about my attempts to embarrass her, but at least she’ll understand it better.

Also, Jeni can be equally withering in her attempts to embarrass me. Admittedly, it’s more difficult because I don’t typically care and often relish the role of the foil and the fool, but she tries nonetheless. But when you’re thrilled about telling stories about your most embarrassing, shameful, and stupid moments on stage for hundreds of strangers at a time, it’s a lot harder to find content that can be used against me.

I learned a long time ago that the best way to combat a person’s attempts to make fun of you is to simply make fun of yourself first. Make people laugh with you instead of at you.

With a last name like Dicks, it was a lesson learned early on.

Too bad for Jeni.

But she tries. She’s no angel. She’s not simply a pin cushion, absorbing my barbs without throwing a few herself. Jeni and I once spent a week together at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, teaching storytelling to about a dozen adults.

Actually, Jeni was assisting me. Poorly.

But about halfway through the week, one of our students approached Jeni and asked if she and I were okay. The student expressed concern that Jeni and I appeared to be fighting all the time and didn’t seem to like each other.

We (probably Jeni, because she always handles this nonsense) had to explain to her that we’re actually good friends. Our friendship may be odd and dysfunctional at times, but there was nothing wrong between us.

Except I don’t think it’s odd or dysfunctional at all. I think it’s a demonstration of our friendship and trust.

I would run through a wall for Jeni if needed. Admittedly, I might also try to embarrass the hell out of her as I did.

People don’t care if you shed an obligation

Here’s something we should all remember:

The most common reaction from others when you shed an obligation is nothing.

The rituals, habits, procedures, routines, and concerns that you feel are so important in your life are often irrelevant to others.

They may read your weekly wrap-up, appreciate your office birthday list, subscribe to your newsletter, smile at the cartoon you affix to the heading of every agenda, admire the organization of your pantry, and take notice of your color-coded folder system, but if you take these things away, people rarely care.

Remember:

We do most things for ourselves.

You may tell yourself that you’re doing it for others, but in truth, no one cares.

Most times, no one even notices.

So be kind to yourself. Make your life easier. Stop doing unnecessary things and replace them with joyful, productive, more meaningful things.

What real leaders do

On Sunday, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick passed George Halas to take the sole position of second place on the list of most victories for an NFL coach.

It was a big deal.

In the post-game locker room celebration, Patriots owner Robert Kraft spoke glowingly of Belichick and presented him with the game ball.

Belichick’s singular response:

“I’ve told you, and it’s the truth now: Players win them. Players win games. Alright? I’m glad we have a lot of good players on this team.”

It shouldn’t be so surprising to see a leader handle achievement and accolades with such humility. It shouldn’t be surprising to see a leader pass the credit for his success onto his people.

This is what leaders are supposed to do. It’s Leadership 101.

But lately, thanks in large part to the fragile, narcissistic, self-serving needs of certain political and corporate leaders in the public eye, this kind of behavior has become far less common.

Instead, self-congratulations, incessant boasting, lying about accomplishments that never happened, exaggerating about those that did, and speaking about oneself in the third person have become far more commonplace in American society.

It’s a damn shame.

So when I see a leader acting like a leader, expressing humility, deference, and self-confidence, I take solace in the knowledge that perhaps real leadership is still alive and well in America today, and maybe I’m just not seeing it as often as I’d like.

I hope so.

Mr. Doodle and incrementalism

Sam Cox, known as Mr. Doodle, doodled every square inch of his house in Tenterden, Kent in this remarkable timelapse video.

The video is a little more than two minutes long, but the actual doodling process took place over two years.

Every doodle was done by hand.

The animation was created using 1,857 photographs, taken between September 2020 and September 2022. The entire house is real, every inch is doodled, and the doodles were all hand-drawn for the animation. No CGI was used in the making of this video.

It’s astounding.

Doodling is definitely not my thing, but this is an excellent example of something I write about extensively in my book “Someday Is Today” and practice in my daily life:

Small, incremental progress, pursued relentlessly over time, can produce significant, life-changing, sometimes unbelievable results.

Baby steps can be surprisingly impactful.

Instant gratification would be ideal, of course. Overnight success sounds lovely. But it’s almost always unrealistic, and when desired, often leads to a lifetime of unrealized dreams, wasted time, and regret.

The good news is that incremental progress isn’t hard. Making small changes or taking tiny steps forward is within the capacity of most people.

And consistency is something that everyone can manage. You presumably brush your teeth every day, so you’ve already proven your ability to be consistent on a daily basis. You need only to extend that consistency to other things.

Incremental progress really is something that everyone can do.

The stumbling block for many people is the lack of patience required for these small changes to eventually pay off and the lack of faith that it will someday happen. Instead, they quickly become frustrated and quit, leading to a life of unfulfilled goals and unrealized dreams.

Let Mr. Doodle serve as proof that small, incremental progress, pursued relentlessly over time, can produce significant, life-changing, sometimes astounding results.

Resolution update: October 2022

Every month I report the progress of my yearly goals in order to monitor progress (or the lack thereof) and hold myself accountable.  The following are the result from October 2022.PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

Elysha caught COVID, but I avoided it, after avoiding it last month when Charlie caught COVID, so feeling fairly indestructible.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I lost one pound in October.

Down just three pounds for the year.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Done.

4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.

Done. A lot of indoor riding now with the weather changing and it getting darker earlier.

5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2. 

Handicap established at the beginning of the year was a whopping 35.4.

Handicap is currently 21.7, down almost two strokes from September.

I also introduced another friend to golf this weekend, and he was surprisingly good. This is the third friend who I’ve converted into a golfer,  and this warms my heart more than you could imagine.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel.

“Someday is Today” is in bookstores now. Have you purchased your copy yet? Downloaded your audiobook? Both?

I’m well on my way to finishing the revision of my middle-grade novel.  I’ve also started working on my next adult novel in earnest.

Between the middle-grade novel and the new adult novel, one should be completed by the end of the year, I hope.

7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for a potential sale. 

DONE! The follow-up to “Storyworthy” – “You Are Storyworthy” – won’t be my next nonfiction title, even though it’s written. I’ll be writing a different storytelling book first for strategic reasons.

Still, the book is done and will be published eventually.

8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.

One picture book is completed and in the hands of my agent.

I’ve almost finished a manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”

I’ve also started two new picture books.

9. Complete a memoir.

I have two memoirs in progress:

One about the two-year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.

Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.

The second is about the two-year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.

My agent and I have decided that I’ll pursue the second one first. The recent attacks on education, combined with the rise of cancel culture make it unfortunately timely and likely of interest to publishers.

I await word from my agent on the pages I sent her last month.

10. Write a new screenplay.

I spoke to my writing partner, who has been derailed from our project by several other projects. We hope to resume writing soon.

11. Write a solo show.

I’m working on a solo show based on my arrest and trial for a crime I didn’t commit, but I have another idea:

List all the things I’ve ever stolen on a chalkboard and then tell a story about each one.  Cleverly construct a narrative that encompasses all the stories.

Either way, this project is unlikely to be completed in 2022.

12. Write a musical.

Outline completed. We’ll be using my memoir as a basis for the show, and Kaia, my partner, is writing music, but we have yet to really sit down and work.

Again, unlikely to be completed in 2022.

13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

DONE!

Seven essays submitted so far to the New York Times in 2022.

14. Write at least four letters to my father.

The first letter was mailed in August.

15. Write 100 letters in 2022.

DONE! A total of 14 letters were written in October, including two letters of recommendation, as well as letters to students, a  colleague, and my principal.

A total of 164 letters written in 2022 so far.

16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

I’ve passed this project on to my production manager, but she’s busy with other things at the moment.

17. Read at least 12 books. 

DONE! I’ve read 25 books in 2022 so far.

I read the following books in October:

“We Don’t Need Roads: The Making of the Back to the Future Trilogy” by Caseen Gaines
“Confidence Man” by Maggie Haberman

I’m currently reading books:

“The Fearless Organization” by Amy Edmondson
“Wow. No Thank You” by Samantha Irby
“Think Like a Monk” by Jay Shetty
“The Groucho Letters”

My list of completed books now includes:

“We Don’t Need Roads: The Making of the Back to the Future Trilogy”
“Confidence Man”
“Telephone”
“I’d Like to Play Alone, Please”
“Revolutionary Summer: The Birth of American Independence”
“The Nineties”
“The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs”
“Nice Try”
“The World’s Worst Assistant”
“Adventures in the Screen Trade”
“I’ll Show Myself Out”
“How to Tell a Story”
“The Lightning Thief”
“Contagious”
“In the Great Green Room: The Brilliant and Bold Life of Margaret Wise Brown”
“It’s So Easy”
“Poetics”
“The Office BFFs”
“Making Numbers Count”
“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
“Liar’s Poker”
“Matrix”
“Coreyography”

18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like. 

No letters were written in October.

Three letters so far in 2022.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers. 

Recording for the first set of target consumers (corporate folk) is done!

I’ll ultimately need to re-record everything because I can see all the places for improvement, but for now, it’s done and is very good.

Just not excellent yet.

Once we launch, I will begin recording videos for our next target customer. Unlikely to complete the second set of recordings in 2022.

20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.

Success! I received a ton of direct messages in October and responded to each of them. I also posted original content twice.

21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.

Done!

Six shows produced so far in 2022.

We produced a virtual show in collaboration with my school on March 19.

We produced a live, outdoor show in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum on July 13.

I produced two live storytelling shows at The Mount on July 16 and 17.

We produced my book launch event – including storytelling – on July 30.

We produced “Red Talks: Presented by Confessions of a Mensturator” on October 8.

22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

Done!

I pitched to a total of five TEDx conferences back in April.

Two have passed on my pitches. I await word on two others.

But good news! The 2023 TEDx conference at the University of Connecticut has accepted me!

I also spoke at TEDxCornell back in April.

I’ve also helped three clients get accepted to TEDx conferences this year. One of my clients took the stage in October and reportedly killed it.

23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

DONE! No Moth events in October thanks to life getting in the way.

A total of 15 Moth events so far in 2022.

24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

DONE! THREE TIMES!

I won a StorySLAM in New York in February.

I won a StorySLAM in Boston in June.

I won a Moth StorySLAM in Washington DC in August.

I’ve won three out of six StorySLAMs in 2022. A little below my average win rate but still not bad.

The next time I take the stage at a Moth StorySLAM will be my one-hundredth StorySLAM performance.

25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.x

DONE! TWICE!

I won Boston’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Wilbur on April 26.

I won New York City’s Moth GrandSLAM at The Music Hall of Williamsburg on May 16.

It was my eighth and ninth GrandSLAM championships.

I’m competing in another Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in December.

26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

The recording was going to commence in February and March. The recording of the audiobook of “Someday Is Today” instead replaced our podcasting time for a while.

The recording was going to commence in April and May and June and July and August and September and October, but recording for other things filled that time.

We really need to record in November in order to promote the launch of my new online storytelling course, so perhaps this will be the impetus required to get going.

27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel. 

I’m declaring this goal complete. My production manager re-designed the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release. I’ve also curated the content on the channel. removing material that is no longer relevant.

My team has also launched a second YouTube channel for our new business.

28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.

I have a list of open mics that are currently running in Connecticut. More than enough to resume. I asked a friend to join me.

He doesn’t seem enthusiastic.

I’m still trying to find the courage (and time) to get back on the stand-up stage.

29. Pitch a story to This American Life.

DONE! I pitched one story to This American Life in April.

30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

Done. Three pitches made in 2022. No response.

31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week). 

Five newsletters were sent in October as my new business gets off the ground. Admittedly, I have a team of people helping me write these newsletters now, but if I don’t write a newsletter myself, it comes from content I previously produced, and I revise and edit before sending it to subscribers.

A total of 23 sent so far in 2022.

HOME

32. Clear the basement.

Still working through the mess made when the contractor built the studio. Organization is being worked on, but a considerable number of items need to be removed.

I’m still making incremental progress.

33. Organize the children’s books.

DONE!

Books were removed from the kids’ bedrooms and divided into three bunches:

Keep in rotation for kids/students (now been returned to shelves).Store for future grandchildren (now stored in the basement)Give away to those in need (now donated).FAMILY/FRIENDS

34. Text or call my brother or sister once per month. 

I did not text or call my brother in October.

35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

Done.

36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.

Just one in October.

37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

A date had been chosen for August, but because of vacations, I will be rescheduling soon.

38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about the physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

Done. Life is so much better then you don’t open your mouth to speak negatively about someone else’s appearance.

Also, more than two dozen people have also begun adhering to this goal in 2022.

 39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance. 

This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children and Elysha quite a bit.

In addition to complimenting my students and family, I also spent October complimenting many clients, lots of friends on the golf course, a bunch of my teaching colleagues, and a McDonald’s employee.

This goal has proven to be a layup.

40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.

DONE!

I surprised Elysha with tickets to Mike Birbiglia on Broadway. We’ll be going to the show in November. I also surprised the kids with a day spent in New York with their grandparents while Elysha and I attend the show.

Surprises in 2022 also include:

A well-timed Starbucks caramel macchiatoPusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.A complete set of Smith College chinaA card on her dashboard following a less-than-ideal April vacation.A surprise visit to her classroom on an especially challenging day to bring her a cupcake.A card mailed to her school with thoughts of encouragement and love, written by “The Universe.”A planned weekend getaway (later this summer) for her and a friend to Water’s Edge, a resort and spa on the coast of Connecticut.Flowers on Mexican Mother’s DayPusheen Club box, featuring garden-themed Pusheen gifts.A signed first edition of “From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” by E.L. KonigsburgTickets to Hamilton on BroadwayPusheen Club box, featuring school-themed Pusheen gifts.A box of small gifts presented on the night before the first day of schoolTickets to Beetlejuice on Broadway for NovemberTickets to the CT Forum to see Sonia Sotomayor in NovemberCupcakes for our Labor Day “end of summer” dinnerTickets to Beetlejuice on Broadway for NovemberTickets to the CT Forum to see Sonia Sotomayor in NovemberCupcakes for our Labor Day “end of summer” dinnerTickets to Mike Birbiglia on Broadway

That’s 20 surprises so far in 2022.

41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.

I scheduled a game in October that was canceled when I lost players due to illness and a death in the family.

Just two games in total in 2022.

42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Four days spent together so far in 2022.

NEW PROJECTS

43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.

Done! Emergency preparedness kits purchased. I’ve also added several necessary items to each.

44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs.

Done! I memorized “Come a Little Closer” and “More Than a Feeling” in October.

Songs I’ve memorized this year include:

“Fat Bottomed Girls
“Come On Eileen”
“Mr. Blue Sky”
“Come Sail Away”
“Come a Little Closer”
“More Than a Feeling”

I’ll spend the next two months ensuring that I have these memorized. “Come On Eileen” is still hard (and pretty creepy).

45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week. 

Done.

46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.

Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it. A lot trickier than expected.

47. Memorize 5 new poems.

Still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson. I’m foolishly failing this goal.

I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.

The list is great, but it’s not going to get these poems memorized any faster.

48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.

No progress.

49. Understand Instagram better.

Done! My social media team is now running parts of my Instagram, and I understand what they are doing, how they did it, and why they are doing it.

50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

I started plotting the completion of this task in February, and now Charlie is excited about helping me. I’ve reached out to a local church and the town of Newington in an effort to move the project from Blackstone, MA to Newington, CT and perhaps involve Charlie’s Boy Scout troop.

51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

Missed opportunity at McDonald’s

The McDonald’s video menu in the drive-thru is a thing of beauty. Not only are the menu items clearly displayed, but you can see your order as it’s entered into the computer.

No more errors in ordering.

As a person who once had to constantly update items and prices on an analog menu board, this is a game changer.

When the order is complete, the screen shows your order with the message, “Mmm, great order!”

Here’s where McDonald’s has missed a golden opportunity to extend its branding and be surprising, amusing, and engaging.

All the things a great storyteller knows to do.

Had I been consulting with McDonald’s in the way I do with so many corporations, I would’ve advised that they take this excellent idea and make it work even better. Instead of simply, “Mmm, great order!”, why not include dozens of randomly selected messages instead to delight and surprise customers every time they order?

Some amusing. Some sincere. Some could even be educational. Messages like:

“Wise choice, eater of food!
“Exellent eats, bruh!”
“You got great taste!”
“Yummy choice!”
“Your tastebuds rock!”
“Delicious collection of calories!”
“Tasty eats, hungry person!”
“Scrumptious!”
“Sapid! Bet you didn’t know that means delicious!”
“Quite the palatable assemblage of food items!”
“A meal (or snack) fit for a king? Or a queen! Or court jester!”
“Mouthwatering goodness!”
“Delish!”
“Piquant! Which means yummy!”

Give me enough time, and I could come up with at least one hundred amusing, surprising, apropos messages.

As I tell storytellers, if you’re saying something the audience already knows, you’ve failed. If the message “Mmm, great order!” appears on the board every time I place an order, it might as well not be there, because eventually, I’ll stop seeing it.

Missed opportunity, McDonald’s. Happily, in this case, easily correctable.

Small, beautiful benefit

There are many remarkable benefits to being a teacher. Too many to count.

There are also some annoying aspects of teaching, too, of course, but they tend to be created by administrators who no longer work in schools but presume to know something about how children learn, how teachers teach, and how a school operates.

But even those administrators aren’t all bad.

The good ones ask lots of questions, listen carefully, and respond to those who know best. They never allow ego to interfere with the needs of children.

The bad ones make enormous assumptions, refuse to listen, and surround themselves with sycophants. They typically operate from a place of fear and uncertainty.

Happily, the benefits of teaching far outweigh the annoyances created by others.

Like this small but lovely one:

The view outside my classroom window for the last 21 years.

Honestly, the photo doesn’t nearly do it justice.

[image error] [image error]

 

[image error]

Making it memorable

On Saturday, I performed at Next Door in New Haven, Connecticut. Elysha wasn’t able to join me, so Jeni Bonaldo, my friend and fellow teacher, storyteller, and writer, came along. We were eating pizza before the show, in need of drinks, when Jeni pointed to the server and said, “I’ll order drinks when she comes by.”

Except it wasn’t a server. She was pointing to a customer, and stupidly, I told her so. Rather than experiencing the joy of watching Jeni ask a customer to get us drinks, I warned her before the mistake could be made and ruined a potentially delicious moment.

I was so annoyed with myself. Also still drinkless.

A moment later, Jeni asked the actual server to get us drinks, except this person was a customer, too.

Yes. After nearly asking a customer to get us drinks, Jeni then asked a different customer to get us drinks.

I reveled in her error, of course, which became even more delightful when that customer actually bought us drinks, which was the perfect response to Jeni’s blunder.

Later, when I took the stage to perform, I opened by saying, “I’ve never dedicated a story to anyone before, and I don’t advise it, but I feel compelled to dedicate this next story to all the people in the room who Jeni Bonaldo has mistaken for a server tonight.”

The room burst into laughter, which is a damn good way to begin a story.

Here’s the thing:

I’ve stood on hundreds of stages over the last decade, telling stories, performing standup, and delivering speeches of every kind. Many of those performances are great fun but ultimately unremarkable.

The performance goes well, then I go home. Give it enough time and the moment becomes almost forgettable.

But sometimes, a performance becomes remarkable and unforgettable for a multitude of reasons.

I cherish those moments.

Jeni’s blunder and subsequent embarrassment made my performance on Saturday night at Next Door in New Haven unforgettable. The day may come when I can’t recall the story I told (though I have an extensive database for this very purpose) or the pizza I ate or even the name of the venue, but I’ll never forget the night Jeni nearly mistook a customer for a server then mistook a different customer for a server.

There’s a saying in storytelling:

You have a good time, or you have a good story.

On Saturday night, I had both, thanks to Jeni.

My weekend was “interesting”

Every day, during our morning meeting, I tell my students about my previous afternoon and evening, highlighting the kinds of things I want them to consider for their own lives:

The books I’m reading
The ways I exercised
The time spent with family
The writing I’m doing
The time I spent outdoors
The new things I tried

I also ask my students to tell me how their afternoon and evening went on a numeric scale. That scale changes daily to reinforce listening skills, but scores are always presented visually with fingers or ASL.

I do this to quickly check in on my students. If someone holds up an especially low number, I’ll touch base with the kid sometime in the first hour or so of class, to see if everything is okay. I might do the same for someone who holds up an enthusiastically high number, to ask about what good fortune took place the day before.

I also tell my students how my afternoon and evening (or weekend) went on the same numeric scale.

This past weekend was less than ideal for me. Elysha tested positive for COVID, the Yankees were swept out of the playoffs by the Astros, and Charlie’s toe remains painfully broken. My Stop & Shop order was delayed and didn’t arrive until after 11:00 PM on Sunday night, and at least half a dozen items were missing from the order.

I also received a bag filled with shampoo and deodorant that was not mine.

When it came time to write about my weekend as a part of my morning message, I didn’t write that my weekend was bad or disappointing or challenging or annoying.

I wrote that my weekend was “interesting.”

On a scale of 1-10, I gave it a 7.

Even though the weekend was filled with challenges and disappointments and even a little fear, I know that the way we frame things in our minds can alter our mood and disposition in significant ways.

I also know that our mind and our brain are two entirely separate entities.

Our mind is essentially us: Our thoughts, feelings, memories, internal dialogue, and sense of self.

But the brain is the hardware running the machine. It’s the operating system that keeps the heart beating, the lungs breathing, and the eyes blinking. And it’s always seeking out data, listening to us for signals about how we are thinking and feeling, which is why by saying that you’re happy, even when you are not, your brain will release hormones that help to produce happiness.

Saying you’re happy will make you happier.

Crazy but true.

So if I say my weekend was “interesting,” even if it was legitimately lousy in many ways, I avoid sending negative messages to my brain and compounding my feelings of frustration and worry.

I can trick my brain into thinking things were better than they were, and it will respond in kind. In other words, we can hack our feelings and disposition by the way we choose to speak about ourselves and our experiences.

I teach this to my students every day. When I ask them to rate their weekend on a scale of 1-10 and a student holds up a single finger, I remind them that a one indicates the worst possible weekend that a human being could experience. I’m talking plane crashes on your home, killing your beloved cat and setting fire to every favorite object in your bedroom.

It’s easy to think you experienced the worst weekend possible, but by reframing it into something more realistic and palatable, you can genuinely feel better about your past and happier about your life.

It doesn’t fix everything, of course. The Yankees still remain out of the World Series. Elysha still has COVID. Charlie’s toe remains broken. There is still a bag filled with shampoo and deodorant by my front door, waiting to be returned to the store.

But it helps, perhaps only incrementally, and maybe infinitesimally, and I believe in incrementalism. I believe that by piling up enough tiny victories and minuscule advantages, our lives can become significantly – even profoundly – better.

There are no magic pills. Overnight success is almost certainly not going to happen to any of us. Problems are not eliminated with the wave of a wand or the stroke of a pen. But if you believe, embrace, and relentlessly pursue tiny, positive steps forward, your life can improve significantly over time.

It can even go from bad to interesting to maybe even pretty great.

“Why reinvent the wheel?”

“Why reinvent the wheel?”

Whenever I hear this question (which is a lot, including yesterday), my response is always the same:

“I believe in the possibility of better wheels.”

Also:

“My wheel will be better.”

“Why reinvent the wheel?” asks us to accept work that has been already done as ideal. It implies that the things of the past are highly effective for our current needs. It insists that time spent on something already completed by someone else is a waste of time.

I rarely find any of this to be the case.

“Why reinvent the wheel?” are words most often spoken by the lazy, the unimaginative, the rigidly traditional, the complacent, and the uninspired.

I believe the world would be a better place if we all believed in the possibility of a better wheel.

Also, for the record, it wasn’t the invention of the wheel that was especially significant for human civilization. The wheel has existed for an exceptionally long time and emerged in societies across the globe almost spontaneously and without significant effort.

It was the invention of the axle that transformed the wheel into something extraordinary in the lives of human beings.

Let that also be a lesson for us:

Sometimes we can reinvent the wheel not through revision or improvement but by reimagining the work of those who came before us.