Arno Ilgner's Blog, page 9
March 1, 2021
Unbending Intent
In 2015, Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson succeeded in free climbing the Dawn Wall on El Capitan in Yosemite. In January, they committed to an all-out push, after seven years of effort. Tommy climbed pitch 15, one of the hardest pitches, but Kevin was thwarted by it for seven days. Kevin persevered and they finally succeeded after 19 days on the wall. How did Tommy and Kevin persevere against such odds?
Warriors need to demonstrate qualities in their climbing that give them the best chance of achieving their goals, qualities such as persistence, confidence, and commitment. How do they demonstrate these qualities? It has to do with intention. Intention is defined as attention focused in the direction of a choice. Warriors choose to focus their attention on processes that occur moment to moment along their journeys. Doing this creates an unbending intent to move forward, step by step, regardless of how small that step is.
Warriors want to be in the stress of experience; that’s where they feel alive. We need to examine how we deal with outcomes that fall short of our expectations in order to understand how to keep our attention focused on the stress. When we climb, we’ll either make it to the top or fall off. Reaching the top satisfies ordinary people’s motivation for achieving end results. However, we don't always achieve end results. Most of the time, we fall or “take” hanging on the rope. To be effective in reaching our goals, and to enjoy the journey toward those goals, we need to pay attention to how we react to outcomes.
Kevin created many outcomes on pitch 15 that fell short of his expectations. These outcomes could create frustration and probably did to some degree. Frustration, however, doesn’t help us solve the problem; it distracts our attention. To succeed, Kevin needed to focus his attention on what he needed to do to climb. His intention needed to be unbending, focused on what he needed to do to climb.
Tommy’s intention needed to be unbending also. He had succeeded on pitch 15 rather quickly. He could have told Kevin to give up, so at least one of them could free climb the final difficult pitches before a winter storm moved in. Tommy could have gotten frustrated with Kevin, but he remained curious about possibilities for the team to succeed. Tommy’s intention was for a team free ascent. Tommy persevered, but in a different way than Kevin.
Ordinary people get frustrated when they don’t achieve their goals as quickly as they expect. Their motivation is toward making fast progress. When they fall off, they get frustrated. With enough frustration, their motivation diminishes and so does their commitment. Their intent begins to bend.
If Tommy and Kevin would have been motivated by achieving their goal quickly, they would have quit years ago. They persevered because they understood it would take a long time and they had a lot to learn. They also needed to be confident that they had the skills necessary to succeed. That confidence comes from developing their skills through the climbing experiences on the wall.
Warriors don’t get frustrated. Warriors understand that frustration is wanting something (achieving the goal) for nothing (no effort / no learning). Warriors know that achieving goals takes a long time. They’re motivated toward engaging a slow, stressful, learning process. When they fall off a climb, they’re curious about what contributed to that outcome. Something was lacking in their mental and physical ability that caused the fall. In other words, something still needs to be learned. Warriors remain curious so they can learn what is lacking.
Warriors also enjoy achieving the goal, but the learning that they’ll experience on their journeys is what’s most important to them. By being motivated to engage a slow, stressful process, warriors’ intent becomes unbending. It focuses their attention in the direction of engagement, on the processes that occur in the moments of their journeys. With unbending intent, directed to the actual processes that occur while climbing, warriors display all the other qualities that are important for achieving goals. They are persistent, confident, and committed.
We can’t sustain our motivation unless we also have unbending intent. We must desire to be in the midst of the stress. If we get frustrated because we aren’t progressing as quickly as we expect, then we slow our learning process. But, if we stay curious, if we’re warriors, our intent will be unbending. With unbending intent, we speed our learning and we’ll experience being alive during the journey that leads us to our goals.
Practice Tip: Be Aware
Do you get frustrated when you don’t progress as quickly as you expect? Recognize this as your motivation shifting from engaging a slow, stressful learning process (warrior motivation) toward a desire to achieve end results quickly (ordinary people’s motivation). You need to become aware when your motivation shifts. With awareness, you can redirect your attention toward warrior motivation.
Set an intention to be motivated by engaging a slow, stressful learning process. Doing this will focus your attention on the processes of the journey. Your intent will be unbending, creating a persistent, confident and committed effort for reaching your goals.
Warriors need to demonstrate qualities in their climbing that give them the best chance of achieving their goals, qualities such as persistence, confidence, and commitment. How do they demonstrate these qualities? It has to do with intention. Intention is defined as attention focused in the direction of a choice. Warriors choose to focus their attention on processes that occur moment to moment along their journeys. Doing this creates an unbending intent to move forward, step by step, regardless of how small that step is.
Warriors want to be in the stress of experience; that’s where they feel alive. We need to examine how we deal with outcomes that fall short of our expectations in order to understand how to keep our attention focused on the stress. When we climb, we’ll either make it to the top or fall off. Reaching the top satisfies ordinary people’s motivation for achieving end results. However, we don't always achieve end results. Most of the time, we fall or “take” hanging on the rope. To be effective in reaching our goals, and to enjoy the journey toward those goals, we need to pay attention to how we react to outcomes.
Kevin created many outcomes on pitch 15 that fell short of his expectations. These outcomes could create frustration and probably did to some degree. Frustration, however, doesn’t help us solve the problem; it distracts our attention. To succeed, Kevin needed to focus his attention on what he needed to do to climb. His intention needed to be unbending, focused on what he needed to do to climb.
Tommy’s intention needed to be unbending also. He had succeeded on pitch 15 rather quickly. He could have told Kevin to give up, so at least one of them could free climb the final difficult pitches before a winter storm moved in. Tommy could have gotten frustrated with Kevin, but he remained curious about possibilities for the team to succeed. Tommy’s intention was for a team free ascent. Tommy persevered, but in a different way than Kevin.
Ordinary people get frustrated when they don’t achieve their goals as quickly as they expect. Their motivation is toward making fast progress. When they fall off, they get frustrated. With enough frustration, their motivation diminishes and so does their commitment. Their intent begins to bend.
If Tommy and Kevin would have been motivated by achieving their goal quickly, they would have quit years ago. They persevered because they understood it would take a long time and they had a lot to learn. They also needed to be confident that they had the skills necessary to succeed. That confidence comes from developing their skills through the climbing experiences on the wall.
Warriors don’t get frustrated. Warriors understand that frustration is wanting something (achieving the goal) for nothing (no effort / no learning). Warriors know that achieving goals takes a long time. They’re motivated toward engaging a slow, stressful, learning process. When they fall off a climb, they’re curious about what contributed to that outcome. Something was lacking in their mental and physical ability that caused the fall. In other words, something still needs to be learned. Warriors remain curious so they can learn what is lacking.
Warriors also enjoy achieving the goal, but the learning that they’ll experience on their journeys is what’s most important to them. By being motivated to engage a slow, stressful process, warriors’ intent becomes unbending. It focuses their attention in the direction of engagement, on the processes that occur in the moments of their journeys. With unbending intent, directed to the actual processes that occur while climbing, warriors display all the other qualities that are important for achieving goals. They are persistent, confident, and committed.
We can’t sustain our motivation unless we also have unbending intent. We must desire to be in the midst of the stress. If we get frustrated because we aren’t progressing as quickly as we expect, then we slow our learning process. But, if we stay curious, if we’re warriors, our intent will be unbending. With unbending intent, we speed our learning and we’ll experience being alive during the journey that leads us to our goals.
Practice Tip: Be Aware
Do you get frustrated when you don’t progress as quickly as you expect? Recognize this as your motivation shifting from engaging a slow, stressful learning process (warrior motivation) toward a desire to achieve end results quickly (ordinary people’s motivation). You need to become aware when your motivation shifts. With awareness, you can redirect your attention toward warrior motivation.
Set an intention to be motivated by engaging a slow, stressful learning process. Doing this will focus your attention on the processes of the journey. Your intent will be unbending, creating a persistent, confident and committed effort for reaching your goals.
February 15, 2021
A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step
Life isn’t about sitting inside the comforts of our homes, looking through a window at the activities going on outside. Warriors want to experience being alive. That experience translates to opening the door, stepping through it, and participating outside. Stepping through the door engages us in the stress of experience.
Ordinary people are unconsciously motivated toward comfort. Warriors are consciously motivated toward stress. This doesn’t mean warriors want to be in stressful situations continually. It means they cycle between being in their comfort zones and their stress zones. They enjoy comfort, but when it’s time to act, they desire to engage stress.
When facing a stressful situation, ordinary people tend to focus on all the stress. This leads to “all/nothing” thinking. They focus on “all” the stress and do “nothing.” They think they have only two options: engage all the stress or none of it. If there is significant stress, then all/nothing thinking keeps them from taking action. Warriors are aware of this tendency and chose a third option: finding little ways to engage. With a smaller increment of stress, warriors are able to engage and do something.
An appropriate example of choosing this third option is Todd Skinner’s team free ascent of the Great Trango Tower in the Karakoram of Pakistan in 1995. This ascent would create the world’s first Grade VII free climb. They accomplished their goal after a continuous 59-day push during one of the deadliest seasons in the Karakoram. After he returned, Todd began giving presentations to corporations, sharing lessons he’d learned that helped him in climbing, that corporations could apply to their businesses.
Todd would often be asked how he dealt with such a big objective, specifically how he dealt with doubts. Todd’s team was high on Trango Tower, experiencing storms that would choke the cracks with ice and snow, making them difficult to free climb. If they fell victim to unconscious all/nothing thinking, thinking of all the stress separating them from the summit, their minds would create doubts, resulting in doing nothing. Yet, if they chose the third option, finding little ways to engage, their minds would think of options so they could do something.
A typical question/answer session in his business presentations went something like this:
“What if you didn’t think you could climb to the top?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing to the next bivy site.”
“But what if you didn’t think you could climb to the next bivy site?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing the next pitch.”
“But what if you didn’t think you could climb the next pitch?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing the next move.”
Todd knew the quote—“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”—from the Tao Te Ching. To intellectually know this quote is one thing. Todd knew they needed to experientially know it, to apply it. They were motivated to be in the stress of the experience and being there they naturally focused on how to stay engaged. By constantly making the stress increment smaller, they were able to formulate an actionable step they could take.
All/nothing thinking focuses our attention on the end result and all of the stress. Combine this with an unconscious tendency to be motivated toward comfort and ordinary people never engage big objectives. Warriors want to be in the stress of big objectives so they can hunt for power. They enjoy the engagement. They naturally focus on the process because engagement consists of processes. This positions them for finding little ways to engage the stressful experience. By being engaged, they experience being alive.
If we’re unconsciously motivated toward comfort, then it’ll be difficult to take the first step on a long journey. We’ll stay in the comfort of our homes, looking through the window at others participating outside in the stresses of life. We’ll focus on all the stress, stay inside, and do nothing. But if we’re consciously motivated toward stress, then we’ll take the first step. We’ll open the door and step through it. We’ll understand we have a third option. The first step will lead to the next one, as we walk a long journey, participating outside, in life.
Practice Tip: Finding Little Ways to Engage
Identify a big objective you want to accomplish. It may be climbing the next difficulty grade, winning a climbing comp, or climbing a specific route. This big objective provides a lot of stress. Being motivated by comfort will prevent you from taking action. So will all/nothing thinking. You’ll think of all the stress separating you from your objective, causing you to do nothing.
Rather, be motivated by stress. Break the big objective into smaller increments. Identify the smallest step that’s necessary for taking action. Take that step, and then identify the next step and take it. Your journey toward accomplishing your big objective will manifest itself step by step.
Ordinary people are unconsciously motivated toward comfort. Warriors are consciously motivated toward stress. This doesn’t mean warriors want to be in stressful situations continually. It means they cycle between being in their comfort zones and their stress zones. They enjoy comfort, but when it’s time to act, they desire to engage stress.
When facing a stressful situation, ordinary people tend to focus on all the stress. This leads to “all/nothing” thinking. They focus on “all” the stress and do “nothing.” They think they have only two options: engage all the stress or none of it. If there is significant stress, then all/nothing thinking keeps them from taking action. Warriors are aware of this tendency and chose a third option: finding little ways to engage. With a smaller increment of stress, warriors are able to engage and do something.
An appropriate example of choosing this third option is Todd Skinner’s team free ascent of the Great Trango Tower in the Karakoram of Pakistan in 1995. This ascent would create the world’s first Grade VII free climb. They accomplished their goal after a continuous 59-day push during one of the deadliest seasons in the Karakoram. After he returned, Todd began giving presentations to corporations, sharing lessons he’d learned that helped him in climbing, that corporations could apply to their businesses.
Todd would often be asked how he dealt with such a big objective, specifically how he dealt with doubts. Todd’s team was high on Trango Tower, experiencing storms that would choke the cracks with ice and snow, making them difficult to free climb. If they fell victim to unconscious all/nothing thinking, thinking of all the stress separating them from the summit, their minds would create doubts, resulting in doing nothing. Yet, if they chose the third option, finding little ways to engage, their minds would think of options so they could do something.
A typical question/answer session in his business presentations went something like this:
“What if you didn’t think you could climb to the top?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing to the next bivy site.”
“But what if you didn’t think you could climb to the next bivy site?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing the next pitch.”
“But what if you didn’t think you could climb the next pitch?”
Todd: “Then we’d focus on climbing the next move.”
Todd knew the quote—“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”—from the Tao Te Ching. To intellectually know this quote is one thing. Todd knew they needed to experientially know it, to apply it. They were motivated to be in the stress of the experience and being there they naturally focused on how to stay engaged. By constantly making the stress increment smaller, they were able to formulate an actionable step they could take.
All/nothing thinking focuses our attention on the end result and all of the stress. Combine this with an unconscious tendency to be motivated toward comfort and ordinary people never engage big objectives. Warriors want to be in the stress of big objectives so they can hunt for power. They enjoy the engagement. They naturally focus on the process because engagement consists of processes. This positions them for finding little ways to engage the stressful experience. By being engaged, they experience being alive.
If we’re unconsciously motivated toward comfort, then it’ll be difficult to take the first step on a long journey. We’ll stay in the comfort of our homes, looking through the window at others participating outside in the stresses of life. We’ll focus on all the stress, stay inside, and do nothing. But if we’re consciously motivated toward stress, then we’ll take the first step. We’ll open the door and step through it. We’ll understand we have a third option. The first step will lead to the next one, as we walk a long journey, participating outside, in life.
Practice Tip: Finding Little Ways to Engage
Identify a big objective you want to accomplish. It may be climbing the next difficulty grade, winning a climbing comp, or climbing a specific route. This big objective provides a lot of stress. Being motivated by comfort will prevent you from taking action. So will all/nothing thinking. You’ll think of all the stress separating you from your objective, causing you to do nothing.
Rather, be motivated by stress. Break the big objective into smaller increments. Identify the smallest step that’s necessary for taking action. Take that step, and then identify the next step and take it. Your journey toward accomplishing your big objective will manifest itself step by step.
February 1, 2021
Decide to Live as a Warrior
I’m over sixty years old. Forty years ago, I fell in love with climbing. Twenty years ago, I fell in love with creating a career in climbing. My life, however, hasn’t always been about loving what I do. Before I chose to create a career in climbing, I worked in my father’s company. We sold industrial tools, mostly cutting tools, like drills, taps and end mills, to cut metal. I didn’t like cutting tools. I didn’t like my life either. I was frustrated, depressed, and anxious.
I had what’s known as a mid-life crisis. Selling cutting tools wasn’t meaningful to me. A mid-life crisis indicates that we’ve been living a shallow existence. There’s something about life that requires depth and meaning. We’re either growing or dying. Having a meaningful life validates that we’re growing as human beings.
The critical question is: how do we create lives that are meaningful? I didn’t like selling cutting tools. That’s important to acknowledge. But I needed to go deeper and frame the problem in a direction that I could take action. I knew I loved climbing. I investigated what grabbed my interest and attention about climbing. It seemed to be fear and the mental aspect of it. Now, I needed to make a choice to create a new career.
This new choice needed to be made differently. I needed to determine what caused me to have a mid-life crisis in the first place. I needed to look at my motivation because motivation is the driver of our decisions. Our motivation causes us to make decisions that lead us to a life of frustration or a life of meaning.
There are two basic motivations: extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic motivation drives us toward end results we want to achieve. It tends to be comfort-based; we’re motivated toward what will make us comfortable. In other words, we desire the comfort we’ll feel having achieved an end result.
Intrinsic motivation drives us toward processes we want to experience. It tends to be stress-based; we’re motivated toward what is stressful, ideally stress we choose to experience. We desire the stress we’ll feel during the process of engaging the experience.
My new choice to create a career in climbing required a shift in my motivation. I had unconsciously chosen end-result, comfort-based motivation when I chose to work for my father’s company. Doing that provided job and financial security, both comfort-based. I needed to value stress in order to have meaning in my new career. And, there was plenty of stress in developing The Warrior’s Way. Mental training for climbers was unknown. There wasn’t much information on the subject.
The Warrior’s Way requires us to live our lives as warriors. Warriors differentiate themselves from ordinary people by what motivates them. Ordinary people fall victim to unconscious comfort-based motivation. Warriors are not victims; they consciously choose to identify stress they want to engage. Warriors seek such experiences because they are impeccable hunters of personal power. Stepping into the unknown—the stress—gives them opportunities to hunt for power.
My life now is meaningful. I enjoy engaging the slow, stressful process of teaching the material and finding new ways of applying it. I want to be in that kind of stress. I see myself still having a meaningful life twenty years from now, when I’m over eighty.
Joseph Campbell said he didn’t think people wanted to be happy. Rather, people wanted an experience of being alive. That experience is a process; it gives us meaning and through that experience we feel alive. Don’t desire to achieve happiness; desire to engage an experience.
Practice Tip: Choices
You make choices about what you want to study in university when you’re about 20 years old. That choice is usually motivated by what grabs your interest and attention. Then, unconsciously, you tend to shift your motivation, making a career choice that will provide you comfort and security.
It usually takes 20 years of living with that choice to feel its full impact. At 40 you experience a mid-life crisis because you feel you aren’t growing or living the life you want to live. You face another choice. That choice needs to be made with different motivation.
If you’re facing such a choice, then choose to make it as a warrior, motivated to have a career that will provide stress you want to engage in. Being motivated in that way will create a deeper, meaningful life.
I had what’s known as a mid-life crisis. Selling cutting tools wasn’t meaningful to me. A mid-life crisis indicates that we’ve been living a shallow existence. There’s something about life that requires depth and meaning. We’re either growing or dying. Having a meaningful life validates that we’re growing as human beings.
The critical question is: how do we create lives that are meaningful? I didn’t like selling cutting tools. That’s important to acknowledge. But I needed to go deeper and frame the problem in a direction that I could take action. I knew I loved climbing. I investigated what grabbed my interest and attention about climbing. It seemed to be fear and the mental aspect of it. Now, I needed to make a choice to create a new career.
This new choice needed to be made differently. I needed to determine what caused me to have a mid-life crisis in the first place. I needed to look at my motivation because motivation is the driver of our decisions. Our motivation causes us to make decisions that lead us to a life of frustration or a life of meaning.
There are two basic motivations: extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic motivation drives us toward end results we want to achieve. It tends to be comfort-based; we’re motivated toward what will make us comfortable. In other words, we desire the comfort we’ll feel having achieved an end result.
Intrinsic motivation drives us toward processes we want to experience. It tends to be stress-based; we’re motivated toward what is stressful, ideally stress we choose to experience. We desire the stress we’ll feel during the process of engaging the experience.
My new choice to create a career in climbing required a shift in my motivation. I had unconsciously chosen end-result, comfort-based motivation when I chose to work for my father’s company. Doing that provided job and financial security, both comfort-based. I needed to value stress in order to have meaning in my new career. And, there was plenty of stress in developing The Warrior’s Way. Mental training for climbers was unknown. There wasn’t much information on the subject.
The Warrior’s Way requires us to live our lives as warriors. Warriors differentiate themselves from ordinary people by what motivates them. Ordinary people fall victim to unconscious comfort-based motivation. Warriors are not victims; they consciously choose to identify stress they want to engage. Warriors seek such experiences because they are impeccable hunters of personal power. Stepping into the unknown—the stress—gives them opportunities to hunt for power.
My life now is meaningful. I enjoy engaging the slow, stressful process of teaching the material and finding new ways of applying it. I want to be in that kind of stress. I see myself still having a meaningful life twenty years from now, when I’m over eighty.
Joseph Campbell said he didn’t think people wanted to be happy. Rather, people wanted an experience of being alive. That experience is a process; it gives us meaning and through that experience we feel alive. Don’t desire to achieve happiness; desire to engage an experience.
Practice Tip: Choices
You make choices about what you want to study in university when you’re about 20 years old. That choice is usually motivated by what grabs your interest and attention. Then, unconsciously, you tend to shift your motivation, making a career choice that will provide you comfort and security.
It usually takes 20 years of living with that choice to feel its full impact. At 40 you experience a mid-life crisis because you feel you aren’t growing or living the life you want to live. You face another choice. That choice needs to be made with different motivation.
If you’re facing such a choice, then choose to make it as a warrior, motivated to have a career that will provide stress you want to engage in. Being motivated in that way will create a deeper, meaningful life.
January 4, 2021
A Different Way of Setting Goals
A new year is upon us, a time when we set goals we say we want to achieve. Saying we want to achieve goals, and achieving them, are two very different things. We need to be able to commit to what we say we want to achieve. Let’s examine three areas that can help us understand how to achieve goals better: attention in the moment, the learning process, and commitment.
First, attention in the moment: End result goals will manifest themselves one day in the future, not today in the present. Focusing on end result goals shifts our attention into the future. Instead, we can identify processes we want to improve. Processes occur in the present. With process goals, our attention isn’t distracted into the future, to an end result we want to achieve; our attention is focused in the moment because that’s where the goal exists.
Second, the learning process: End result goals can give us vision to direct our actions, but beyond that, they distract our attention. Our desire to achieve them creates expectations of how we think we should progress. These expectations are based on our current knowledge and perspective. We’re looking into the future, thinking we know what we need to learn or how quickly we should learn. This creates frustration when our expectations aren’t met and shifts our focus away from what is occurring in the moment.
We need to learn something in order to accomplish goals. Each moment holds information that we need to pay attention to. By creating expectations, and getting frustrated, we shift our attention away from that information and slow or totally inhibit the learning process.
By setting process goals we identify processes that occur in the present moment. No expectations are created so we don’t get frustrated. We simply expect to apply the processes to the best of our ability. This approach allows us to stay receptive to information that is being revealed and gives us the opportunity to use that information to learn. We’re not looking into the future, thinking we know what we need to learn; we’re focused in the present, being receptive to what we’re learning.
Third, commitment: Commitment must immediately follow a decision. Delayed commitment is weak commitment. We can’t commit effectively to end result goals. We can only commit to decisions that allow us to take immediate action. Processes allow us to take immediate action. We can identify end result goals, but we can only commit to processes that move us in the direction of those goals.
We also tend to view end result goals as one big obstacle, which sets us up as victims of all-or-nothing thinking. This diminishes our commitment when we encounter difficulty. We commit to doing nothing because we don’t think we can accomplish it all. Having process goals doesn’t set us up for all-or-nothing thinking. Processes allow us to commit to many small obstacles. This sustains our commitment because each small obstacle is a small amount of difficulty, which is easier for us to work through and achieve.
We lose effectiveness in achieving goals because our attention is separated from actions we need to take in the moment. We need to shift our approach so our attention is focused on a process goal. Having our attention focused in the present, on the process of learning, helps us commit and act effectively on what we say we’ll do.
Practice Tip: Setting Process Goals
My process goal is: slow down and be curious. It isn’t enough to just set the process goal. You also need to identify physically and mentally how you’ll apply it. What will I do physically and mentally to demonstrate that I’m slowing down and being curious?
Physically, I slow down the speed that I walk and maintain a soft-eyes, or open, focus. Mentally, I set a process intention each morning: slow down and be curious. Then, I notice if I’m rushing or getting frustrated, the opposite of slowing down and being curious, and redirect my attention to my intention.
Identify one process goal for yourself. Then, identify what you will do with your body (physical) and with your mind (mental) each day that demonstrates that you’re focused on that process. Remember, to improve your commitment you must be able to focus your attention in the moment on the process goal itself.
First, attention in the moment: End result goals will manifest themselves one day in the future, not today in the present. Focusing on end result goals shifts our attention into the future. Instead, we can identify processes we want to improve. Processes occur in the present. With process goals, our attention isn’t distracted into the future, to an end result we want to achieve; our attention is focused in the moment because that’s where the goal exists.
Second, the learning process: End result goals can give us vision to direct our actions, but beyond that, they distract our attention. Our desire to achieve them creates expectations of how we think we should progress. These expectations are based on our current knowledge and perspective. We’re looking into the future, thinking we know what we need to learn or how quickly we should learn. This creates frustration when our expectations aren’t met and shifts our focus away from what is occurring in the moment.
We need to learn something in order to accomplish goals. Each moment holds information that we need to pay attention to. By creating expectations, and getting frustrated, we shift our attention away from that information and slow or totally inhibit the learning process.
By setting process goals we identify processes that occur in the present moment. No expectations are created so we don’t get frustrated. We simply expect to apply the processes to the best of our ability. This approach allows us to stay receptive to information that is being revealed and gives us the opportunity to use that information to learn. We’re not looking into the future, thinking we know what we need to learn; we’re focused in the present, being receptive to what we’re learning.
Third, commitment: Commitment must immediately follow a decision. Delayed commitment is weak commitment. We can’t commit effectively to end result goals. We can only commit to decisions that allow us to take immediate action. Processes allow us to take immediate action. We can identify end result goals, but we can only commit to processes that move us in the direction of those goals.
We also tend to view end result goals as one big obstacle, which sets us up as victims of all-or-nothing thinking. This diminishes our commitment when we encounter difficulty. We commit to doing nothing because we don’t think we can accomplish it all. Having process goals doesn’t set us up for all-or-nothing thinking. Processes allow us to commit to many small obstacles. This sustains our commitment because each small obstacle is a small amount of difficulty, which is easier for us to work through and achieve.
We lose effectiveness in achieving goals because our attention is separated from actions we need to take in the moment. We need to shift our approach so our attention is focused on a process goal. Having our attention focused in the present, on the process of learning, helps us commit and act effectively on what we say we’ll do.
Practice Tip: Setting Process Goals
My process goal is: slow down and be curious. It isn’t enough to just set the process goal. You also need to identify physically and mentally how you’ll apply it. What will I do physically and mentally to demonstrate that I’m slowing down and being curious?
Physically, I slow down the speed that I walk and maintain a soft-eyes, or open, focus. Mentally, I set a process intention each morning: slow down and be curious. Then, I notice if I’m rushing or getting frustrated, the opposite of slowing down and being curious, and redirect my attention to my intention.
Identify one process goal for yourself. Then, identify what you will do with your body (physical) and with your mind (mental) each day that demonstrates that you’re focused on that process. Remember, to improve your commitment you must be able to focus your attention in the moment on the process goal itself.
December 21, 2020
Doing Nothing Helps Us Do Something Meaningful
I came across this interesting article in The New York Times called The Case for Doing Nothing. I thought it was appropriate for this holiday season and to rethink how we’ll live 2021. The pandemic has been central to 2020 and has forced us out of our comfort zones. That causes stress, which can give us the opportunity to rethink what we deem important and how we choose to live our lives. It’s certainly had that impact on me. The pandemic has given me more space and time; it’s slowed me down. It’s provided me the opportunity to begin writing a book on the WW material for the general public, something that was a goal of mine back in the mid 1990s when I began studying mental training.
The article states: “Running from place to place and laboring over long to-do lists have increasingly become ways to communicate status: I’m so busy because I’m just so important, the thinking goes.” If we’re honest with ourselves, then we’ll certainly see this association. For me, it’s one of the most difficult things to separate: my worth from productivity. Being busy shifts our focus toward striving for a future we think is better than today.
The article gives us a way out of this busyness and false sense of importance. “There’s a way out of that madness, and it’s not more mindfulness, exercise or a healthy diet (though these things are all still important). What we’re talking about is … doing nothing. Or, as the Dutch call it, niksen.”
Niksen is getting comfortable with boredom. We’re comfortable with having no plan to do anything and just be. When we’re busy, our attention narrows toward the target of our busyness. Busyness points our attention toward the future. Boredom takes away the future. When we have nowhere to go, we are more likely to be where we are.
That’s the challenge this holiday season and into the new year. Busyness can tie our worth to productivity and trap our attention. Boredom can separate these and allow our attention to expand so we can wonder about our lives. Wondering frees our minds to reflect on where we’ve been and where we’re going. If we allow ourselves to be bored first--to wonder--then we’ll be able to pick more meaningful goals that we can work toward in 2021.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.
The article states: “Running from place to place and laboring over long to-do lists have increasingly become ways to communicate status: I’m so busy because I’m just so important, the thinking goes.” If we’re honest with ourselves, then we’ll certainly see this association. For me, it’s one of the most difficult things to separate: my worth from productivity. Being busy shifts our focus toward striving for a future we think is better than today.
The article gives us a way out of this busyness and false sense of importance. “There’s a way out of that madness, and it’s not more mindfulness, exercise or a healthy diet (though these things are all still important). What we’re talking about is … doing nothing. Or, as the Dutch call it, niksen.”
Niksen is getting comfortable with boredom. We’re comfortable with having no plan to do anything and just be. When we’re busy, our attention narrows toward the target of our busyness. Busyness points our attention toward the future. Boredom takes away the future. When we have nowhere to go, we are more likely to be where we are.
That’s the challenge this holiday season and into the new year. Busyness can tie our worth to productivity and trap our attention. Boredom can separate these and allow our attention to expand so we can wonder about our lives. Wondering frees our minds to reflect on where we’ve been and where we’re going. If we allow ourselves to be bored first--to wonder--then we’ll be able to pick more meaningful goals that we can work toward in 2021.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.
December 14, 2020
Don’t Expect Agreement
Sometimes I receive critical emails from people who strongly disagree with The Warrior’s Way material. These are not emails from people who have signed up for our email list. They are from people who come across the material when doing internet searches. They are so upset that they take time out of their busy schedules to write to me.
We all tend to think we’re right in how we perceive life. This is a natural tendency, which can give us confidence to live our lives. Yet, thinking we’re right tends to limit learning. The critical emails I receive take it a step further, saying The Warrior’s Way material is wrong.
How do we balance thinking we’re right, with staying receptive to learning? Knowing our values can help. All of us, however, don’t have the same values. For example, valuing end results is very different from valuing processes. The former gives us confidence based on end results we achieve; the latter gives us confidence based on processes we engage in. We shouldn’t expect others to agree with us if our values are different. So, how do we live our lives when we know we won’t get agreement from everyone? We need to develop awareness and then speak from that awareness.
The “I’m right, you’re wrong” approach is unaware. It’s unaware that the universe cycles between the poles of duality, seeking balance. We can’t have a left without a right. Left and right create the poles of a cycle. Valuing end results clings to one pole of this duality, seeking to validate what we perceive is right. Valuing processes pulsates between them, modifying what we perceive is right. Life is not one pole of a cycle—an end result—to validate; it’s embracing both poles—a process—to modify. Developing awareness leads us away from valuing end results to valuing processes.
The “I’m right, you’re wrong” approach limits learning, but we tend to take it further. We not only think we’re right, but we want to force others to think like we do. One of the main tenets of Zen is to leave others alone and let them figure out their own life journey. We tend not to leave others alone, but rather interfere with their journey. We want more people to agree with our perspective. The bigger our group, the more we feel comfortable that our way is right, and with a bigger group it’s easier to validate that we’re right.
Friedrich Nietzsche said: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” The Warrior’s Way is one way that people can consider including in their journey. It’s one expression of reality that gives others options to consider.
Since we all have varying perspectives, we’re all wrong, not right, in our understanding of ultimate reality. How do we maintain confidence to live our lives if we know we’re wrong? Should we just stay quiet until we know ultimate reality? No, we’ll never know ultimate reality. Our confidence doesn’t come from knowing we’re right and others are wrong, it comes from knowing we have a process that goes beyond right and wrong, that includes all perspectives so we can dig deep within ourselves to learn. Valuing processes over end results complements learning.
Having different values will cause others to criticize us. Critics provide learning opportunities, even if it’s only to diminish our egos. When I receive critical emails I can notice my ego react. Does it get defensive, protecting its identity? Or, do I consider what they’re saying and find a way to balance my perspective? In other words, do I stay in my comfort zone and protect an end result of how the material is now, validating it? Or, do I allow myself to feel the stress, look for connections, and modify it? Sometimes I do the former, sometimes both, but my overall intention is to live the material, to do the latter.
It’s interesting to consider why something would irritate us, such as a blog post on the internet, that isn’t addressed to us personally. Perhaps we take it personally because it speaks to something inside us that hasn’t been addressed. The universe requires balance. Irritation is the universe’s way of letting us know we’re out of balance. We’re irritated because we’re too far to the left or right. Other people’s perspectives conflict with ours. In fact, the farther we are to the left or right the more we’re irritated, the more angry we are, and the more we’re willing to take actions to express that anger. Extremist groups come from the extremes of left/right thinking.
Socrates reminds us that the unexamined life is not worth living. He’s not talking about examining other people’s lives; he’s talking about examining our own lives. The Warrior’s Way is a process to examine our own lives. It’s helped me examine my life, made me more aware and now I speak from that awareness. Critics could learn something from Socrates.
Practice Tip: Examine Your Life
Buddhism teaches the importance of the middle way. It seeks to embrace both poles and find a way to maintain balance while walking through the middle. Irritation is a sign that we’re not in the middle, that we’re out of balance.
What irritates you? There’s certainly plenty to choose from when we consider what is occurring in the news, our work, and relationships. Now, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause of the irritation, examine your own life. What is within you that is out of balance?
We all tend to think we’re right in how we perceive life. This is a natural tendency, which can give us confidence to live our lives. Yet, thinking we’re right tends to limit learning. The critical emails I receive take it a step further, saying The Warrior’s Way material is wrong.
How do we balance thinking we’re right, with staying receptive to learning? Knowing our values can help. All of us, however, don’t have the same values. For example, valuing end results is very different from valuing processes. The former gives us confidence based on end results we achieve; the latter gives us confidence based on processes we engage in. We shouldn’t expect others to agree with us if our values are different. So, how do we live our lives when we know we won’t get agreement from everyone? We need to develop awareness and then speak from that awareness.
The “I’m right, you’re wrong” approach is unaware. It’s unaware that the universe cycles between the poles of duality, seeking balance. We can’t have a left without a right. Left and right create the poles of a cycle. Valuing end results clings to one pole of this duality, seeking to validate what we perceive is right. Valuing processes pulsates between them, modifying what we perceive is right. Life is not one pole of a cycle—an end result—to validate; it’s embracing both poles—a process—to modify. Developing awareness leads us away from valuing end results to valuing processes.
The “I’m right, you’re wrong” approach limits learning, but we tend to take it further. We not only think we’re right, but we want to force others to think like we do. One of the main tenets of Zen is to leave others alone and let them figure out their own life journey. We tend not to leave others alone, but rather interfere with their journey. We want more people to agree with our perspective. The bigger our group, the more we feel comfortable that our way is right, and with a bigger group it’s easier to validate that we’re right.
Friedrich Nietzsche said: “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” The Warrior’s Way is one way that people can consider including in their journey. It’s one expression of reality that gives others options to consider.
Since we all have varying perspectives, we’re all wrong, not right, in our understanding of ultimate reality. How do we maintain confidence to live our lives if we know we’re wrong? Should we just stay quiet until we know ultimate reality? No, we’ll never know ultimate reality. Our confidence doesn’t come from knowing we’re right and others are wrong, it comes from knowing we have a process that goes beyond right and wrong, that includes all perspectives so we can dig deep within ourselves to learn. Valuing processes over end results complements learning.
Having different values will cause others to criticize us. Critics provide learning opportunities, even if it’s only to diminish our egos. When I receive critical emails I can notice my ego react. Does it get defensive, protecting its identity? Or, do I consider what they’re saying and find a way to balance my perspective? In other words, do I stay in my comfort zone and protect an end result of how the material is now, validating it? Or, do I allow myself to feel the stress, look for connections, and modify it? Sometimes I do the former, sometimes both, but my overall intention is to live the material, to do the latter.
It’s interesting to consider why something would irritate us, such as a blog post on the internet, that isn’t addressed to us personally. Perhaps we take it personally because it speaks to something inside us that hasn’t been addressed. The universe requires balance. Irritation is the universe’s way of letting us know we’re out of balance. We’re irritated because we’re too far to the left or right. Other people’s perspectives conflict with ours. In fact, the farther we are to the left or right the more we’re irritated, the more angry we are, and the more we’re willing to take actions to express that anger. Extremist groups come from the extremes of left/right thinking.
Socrates reminds us that the unexamined life is not worth living. He’s not talking about examining other people’s lives; he’s talking about examining our own lives. The Warrior’s Way is a process to examine our own lives. It’s helped me examine my life, made me more aware and now I speak from that awareness. Critics could learn something from Socrates.
Practice Tip: Examine Your Life
Buddhism teaches the importance of the middle way. It seeks to embrace both poles and find a way to maintain balance while walking through the middle. Irritation is a sign that we’re not in the middle, that we’re out of balance.
What irritates you? There’s certainly plenty to choose from when we consider what is occurring in the news, our work, and relationships. Now, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause of the irritation, examine your own life. What is within you that is out of balance?
December 7, 2020
How to Shift Your Focus to Shift Your Life
Neuroscience News published this article, When Emotional Memories Intrude, Focusing on Context Could Help, from the University of Illinois on how to work with difficult emotional memories.
Participants filled out questionnaires that included questions about difficult emotional events in their past. Later, they were asked to do controlled tasks, which researchers would evaluate their performance. What participants didn’t realize is that they would be given cues from the difficult emotional memories as they did the tasks.
Here’s what they found:
For half the triggered memories, they were instructed to focus on the emotional aspects of the memories. Lower performance on the task was the result.
For the other half of the triggered memories, they were instructed to focus on the contextual details of the memories, such as people they were with, environment of the event, etc. In other words, details of the actual situation. Better performance on the task was the result.
Researchers also pointed out another strategy people use for dealing with difficult experiences: suppression. Suppression is associated with anxiety and depression, the article states. Thus, instead of suppressing emotional memories, we shift our focus to contextual elements for performing better.
These findings are important for identifying helpful ways to work with past difficult emotional memories while also engaging the rational parts of the brain. This helps us focus on the necessary tasks we engage today.
We’ve referred to this in the WW training as describing situations objectively. We describe details that are out there in the territory of the world. Doing this shifts our attention. We can do this for present situations as well as past memories. We change the flow of our attention, out of the mind and into the context in which we’re engaged.
Here’s their summary: A new study reveals focusing attention to the context of a memory, rather than the emotional aspects, increases activity in brain regions associated with executive function and attention.
Source: University of Illinois and Florin and Sandra Dolcos, both professors of psychology
Participants filled out questionnaires that included questions about difficult emotional events in their past. Later, they were asked to do controlled tasks, which researchers would evaluate their performance. What participants didn’t realize is that they would be given cues from the difficult emotional memories as they did the tasks.
Here’s what they found:
For half the triggered memories, they were instructed to focus on the emotional aspects of the memories. Lower performance on the task was the result.
For the other half of the triggered memories, they were instructed to focus on the contextual details of the memories, such as people they were with, environment of the event, etc. In other words, details of the actual situation. Better performance on the task was the result.
Researchers also pointed out another strategy people use for dealing with difficult experiences: suppression. Suppression is associated with anxiety and depression, the article states. Thus, instead of suppressing emotional memories, we shift our focus to contextual elements for performing better.
These findings are important for identifying helpful ways to work with past difficult emotional memories while also engaging the rational parts of the brain. This helps us focus on the necessary tasks we engage today.
We’ve referred to this in the WW training as describing situations objectively. We describe details that are out there in the territory of the world. Doing this shifts our attention. We can do this for present situations as well as past memories. We change the flow of our attention, out of the mind and into the context in which we’re engaged.
Here’s their summary: A new study reveals focusing attention to the context of a memory, rather than the emotional aspects, increases activity in brain regions associated with executive function and attention.
Source: University of Illinois and Florin and Sandra Dolcos, both professors of psychology
November 30, 2020
The Power of Not Knowing
I thought I was destined to have a music career when I was in high school. I practiced diligently, working toward a goal of making it into All-State band in Tennessee. Achieving this goal would validate that I was one of the best French Horn players in Tennessee, and skilled enough to pursue a music career. I didn’t make it into All-State band. I didn’t know what to do next.
It’s very uncomfortable not knowing what we should do. We feel we’re in a chaotic, uncertain state. Knowing gives us comfort. Unconsciously desiring comfort, however, contracts us around our current goals and perspectives, and limits us. Comfort is only one part of a cycle. Embracing stress, expanding into the unknown, balances the cycle. We need to cycle between the comfortable grounding we experience when we contract and the stressful growth we experience when we expand.
When we don’t know what to do, we need to relax into the stress of not knowing. We shouldn’t equate not knowing with confusion. "I don't know" is the beginning of knowing; it’s not confusion, it's clarity. We acknowledge that we know that we don’t know. Confusion is "I don't know, but I think I should know.” Knowing focuses our attention on the task at hand; confusion distracts our attention from the task. The task is to relax into the stress of not knowing, when we don’t know what to do next.
Our biggest mental obstacle is dealing with stress. The mind doesn’t like stress and it will force the decision-making process forward too quickly to escape stress. Knowing what to do and not knowing what to do are states we experience throughout our lives. It’s important to allow ourselves to be in a state of not knowing what to do. This state is uncertain, chaotic, and ambiguous. Yet, if we allow ourselves to be in this state, the stress begins to order itself, to shift to certainty, and provide options for us to act on.
Let’s say we’re climbing a 5.11, which is near our limit. We’re uncertain whether or not we can continue because we’re physically tired and mentally stressed. We’re physically tired from the exertion of climbing. We’re mentally stressed because we don’t know what to do. Perhaps the mental stress comes from the mind telling us “I should be able to climb 5.11s.” Being physically tired is a natural state; being mentally stressed because we think we should be able to climb 5.11s, to know what to do, is confusion, a distraction of attention.
Being in a state of confusion splits our attention. Part of our attention is on what is happening: “I don’t know if I can continue climbing this 5.11.” Part of our attention is on what the mind thinks should be happening: “I should be able to climb 5.11.” This state of confusion adds mental stress that shifts the mind toward resolution of the stress, to quickly make a choice that brings comfort and certainty. In this climbing example, the mind chooses to retreat from the stress, hang on protection or go down, when we may have been able to continue.
If we keep our attention on accepting that we don’t know what to do, then we’re receptive and positioned for taking effective action. We may still decide to retreat, but that decision will be grounded in information coming directly from the situation and not from the mind’s desire for comfort.
Relaxing into the middle of stress allows us to dig deeper into ourselves and the situation, to be more aware of options that can direct our choices. By accepting the state of not knowing, we aren’t resisting what is actually occurring. We can focus our attention on how to deal with what is occurring. We can apply our biggest mental skill for dealing with our biggest mental obstacle. We can find small actionable steps to take in the direction of engaging stress. Doing this will process us through the stress and clarify whether we should retreat or continue, contract or expand. In our climbing example, we probe a few moves up and move back down. We feel how tired we are and how much strength it will take to continue climbing. Doing this gives us clarity and options for proceeding.
When I was practicing toward my goal of making it into All-State band my attention was contracted around achieving that goal. When I didn’t make it, my attention expanded. I had cycled into a state of not knowing, of stress. My attention simply opened up because I wasn’t narrowly focused on a goal. Within a month I noticed someone in my English class who was a rock climber, who intended to study Geology in college. I was interested in both. So, I cycled into knowing what to do next: I would study Geology and climb. Ten years later, however, I cycled back into not knowing, when I lost my Geology job. My focus opened again to notice options for creating a career in climbing, which shifted me back into a state of knowing what to do next.
The power of not knowing opens our focus to see options we can’t see when we’re working toward goals. Not knowing what to do next is a natural state we experience in our lives. Being in this state piques our awareness. We need to welcome such states so we can become aware of options for finding our way through life.
Practice Tip: Decide not to Decide
When you feel stressed, don’t rush through it. Notice that you’re stressed, but don’t let the mind resolve it. Don’t decide what to do. Rather, breathe, relax, and open your focus. Allow yourself to be in the middle of not knowing what to do. Then look around. What have you ignored? Make small steps to engage the situation. Doing this will begin to organize the stress and offer options that shift you back to certainty.
It’s very uncomfortable not knowing what we should do. We feel we’re in a chaotic, uncertain state. Knowing gives us comfort. Unconsciously desiring comfort, however, contracts us around our current goals and perspectives, and limits us. Comfort is only one part of a cycle. Embracing stress, expanding into the unknown, balances the cycle. We need to cycle between the comfortable grounding we experience when we contract and the stressful growth we experience when we expand.
When we don’t know what to do, we need to relax into the stress of not knowing. We shouldn’t equate not knowing with confusion. "I don't know" is the beginning of knowing; it’s not confusion, it's clarity. We acknowledge that we know that we don’t know. Confusion is "I don't know, but I think I should know.” Knowing focuses our attention on the task at hand; confusion distracts our attention from the task. The task is to relax into the stress of not knowing, when we don’t know what to do next.
Our biggest mental obstacle is dealing with stress. The mind doesn’t like stress and it will force the decision-making process forward too quickly to escape stress. Knowing what to do and not knowing what to do are states we experience throughout our lives. It’s important to allow ourselves to be in a state of not knowing what to do. This state is uncertain, chaotic, and ambiguous. Yet, if we allow ourselves to be in this state, the stress begins to order itself, to shift to certainty, and provide options for us to act on.
Let’s say we’re climbing a 5.11, which is near our limit. We’re uncertain whether or not we can continue because we’re physically tired and mentally stressed. We’re physically tired from the exertion of climbing. We’re mentally stressed because we don’t know what to do. Perhaps the mental stress comes from the mind telling us “I should be able to climb 5.11s.” Being physically tired is a natural state; being mentally stressed because we think we should be able to climb 5.11s, to know what to do, is confusion, a distraction of attention.
Being in a state of confusion splits our attention. Part of our attention is on what is happening: “I don’t know if I can continue climbing this 5.11.” Part of our attention is on what the mind thinks should be happening: “I should be able to climb 5.11.” This state of confusion adds mental stress that shifts the mind toward resolution of the stress, to quickly make a choice that brings comfort and certainty. In this climbing example, the mind chooses to retreat from the stress, hang on protection or go down, when we may have been able to continue.
If we keep our attention on accepting that we don’t know what to do, then we’re receptive and positioned for taking effective action. We may still decide to retreat, but that decision will be grounded in information coming directly from the situation and not from the mind’s desire for comfort.
Relaxing into the middle of stress allows us to dig deeper into ourselves and the situation, to be more aware of options that can direct our choices. By accepting the state of not knowing, we aren’t resisting what is actually occurring. We can focus our attention on how to deal with what is occurring. We can apply our biggest mental skill for dealing with our biggest mental obstacle. We can find small actionable steps to take in the direction of engaging stress. Doing this will process us through the stress and clarify whether we should retreat or continue, contract or expand. In our climbing example, we probe a few moves up and move back down. We feel how tired we are and how much strength it will take to continue climbing. Doing this gives us clarity and options for proceeding.
When I was practicing toward my goal of making it into All-State band my attention was contracted around achieving that goal. When I didn’t make it, my attention expanded. I had cycled into a state of not knowing, of stress. My attention simply opened up because I wasn’t narrowly focused on a goal. Within a month I noticed someone in my English class who was a rock climber, who intended to study Geology in college. I was interested in both. So, I cycled into knowing what to do next: I would study Geology and climb. Ten years later, however, I cycled back into not knowing, when I lost my Geology job. My focus opened again to notice options for creating a career in climbing, which shifted me back into a state of knowing what to do next.
The power of not knowing opens our focus to see options we can’t see when we’re working toward goals. Not knowing what to do next is a natural state we experience in our lives. Being in this state piques our awareness. We need to welcome such states so we can become aware of options for finding our way through life.
Practice Tip: Decide not to Decide
When you feel stressed, don’t rush through it. Notice that you’re stressed, but don’t let the mind resolve it. Don’t decide what to do. Rather, breathe, relax, and open your focus. Allow yourself to be in the middle of not knowing what to do. Then look around. What have you ignored? Make small steps to engage the situation. Doing this will begin to organize the stress and offer options that shift you back to certainty.
November 23, 2020
Rock/Yoga Warrior Workouts
This lesson is simple. Go to Ieva Luna’s YouTube channel (Community Yoga with Ieva Luna) and engage in yoga framed in the warrior mindset. She had an intriguing idea: to blend yoga with concepts from The Rock Warrior’s Way book. So, she contacted me to get my opinion. How could I not be enthusiastic? Yoga is such a great discipline for putting us into stressful situations that we have the capacity to navigate. We don’t push too deeply. Rather, we find our edge and work with our attention there. Specifically, what we do is accept the stress, work with it, and most importantly, want to be there, present for the stressful situation. No mind tricks about thinking about when the stress is over, or contracting the body against the stress we’re experiencing.
So, enjoy the 7-day yoga series, in the practice tip, combined with warrior mindset passages.
Practice tip: Do Rock Warrior Yoga with Ieva
Day 1 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Self Growth & Learning | Tree Pose
Day 2 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Confidence & Healthy Spine
Day 3 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Commitment & Crow Pose
Day 4 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | The Giving Mindset & Presence
Day 5 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Breathing & Stretches to Unwind
Day 6 - Rock/Yoga Warrior Series | Intention & Eagle pose
Day 7 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Consistency & Warrior Postures
So, enjoy the 7-day yoga series, in the practice tip, combined with warrior mindset passages.
Practice tip: Do Rock Warrior Yoga with Ieva
Day 1 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Self Growth & Learning | Tree Pose
Day 2 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Confidence & Healthy Spine
Day 3 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Commitment & Crow Pose
Day 4 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | The Giving Mindset & Presence
Day 5 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Breathing & Stretches to Unwind
Day 6 - Rock/Yoga Warrior Series | Intention & Eagle pose
Day 7 - Rock/Yoga Warrior | Consistency & Warrior Postures
November 16, 2020
Life is not a Paradox
We’ve all heard Robert Frost’s verse: “Two roads diverged in the wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” What is the “road less traveled by?” To answer that, we need to look at motivation again. We’re either motivated by goals, which give us a sense of comfort when we achieve them, or we’re motivated by processes, which are stressful. Robert Frost’s two roads represent these two ways of being motivated. The road most traveled leads toward achievement of goals and the road less traveled leads toward stressful processes. The “road less traveled by” is dark, contains more unknowns, and is more difficult to follow. Its path is less defined because less people walk it. So, we need to find our own way along it. And it’s obvious why it’s less traveled. We tend to avoid stress and seek comfort.
If we look a little deeper at these two roads we find that goals occur in the future, while stressful processes occur in the present. And, this is important, because it points to what we can and can’t control. We can’t control the future. We can only control what occurs in the present. We have an unconscious tendency to be motivated by goals and dislike stressful processes. This sets us up for focusing our attention on what we can’t control, which makes us feel powerless. Warriors take the road less traveled, and although it’s stressful, they face that stress willingly, even desiring it.
In the last lesson, I referenced M Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Travelled, where he says that life is difficult. Life is difficult, yet we think taking the road most traveled, the comfortable one, is an option. Since life is stressful and full of challenges, we can’t hide from it. We may try to hide in the security of a job that pays a lot of money or the comfort that climbing 5.12 gives us. But, life eventually catches up with us and exerts its stress upon us.
Choosing the road most traveled is an unconscious tendency. To move beyond this tendency we need to become conscious. One of the first and most impactful things we can do to start becoming conscious is to value stress. Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda’s teacher, told Carlos that the basic difference between ordinary people and warriors is that warriors take everything that happens as a challenge, whereas ordinary people take everything that happens as a blessing or a curse. Ordinary people bless comfort and curse stress. Warriors don’t label situations that way. They don’t label situations at all; they simply accept them for what they are. The big downside to such labeling is that we unconsciously label the very thing that we need to grow and learn—stress—as bad, as a curse.
Ordinary people remain unconscious and think life is paradoxical. They can’t achieve what they want, those goals, by focusing on them directly. The more they want them, the more elusive they become. They live a paradox of doing what they don’t like, so they can achieve what they want. So, they practice being unattached to their goals. For warriors, however, there is no paradox. Warriors want stressful situations because this is where they learn. They hunt for stress, for situations that provide opportunities to learn, grow, and gain power.
To become warriors we need to move beyond this unconscious tendency to curse stress, to label it as bad. We need to see the value that stress provides us. We need to be motivated in such a way that we want to engage stress.
If we settle for the road most travelled then we don’t grow. Whether we’re conscious or not, the fact that life is difficult won’t go away. We’ll either live a frustrated, shallow life, resisting stress and whither away, or we’ll live a more peaceful, deep life, accepting stress and grow.
What’s interesting is that we actually want the difficulty of the road less travelled. Why would we subject ourselves to the stress of rock climbing? Because there’s something within us that wants to be challenged. There’s something innate within us that wants to grow. Growth is a natural part of life: trees grow, animals grow, people grow. Accepting stress as natural, even desiring it, helps us grow mentally. Now, we should ask ourselves: Why do we label small handholds as bad, just because they’re small and create more stress? If we want to be warriors, then we need to wake up and stop doing that.
The road most travelled, really, is an illusion. The fact that life is difficult eventually catches up with us. When? When we’re 40 and experiencing our mid-life crisis. The road most travelled isn’t aligned with the natural order of the world. So, at 40 we all get another chance to make a choice, to choose the road less travelled. We’ve lived long enough to feel the full impact of living a shallow life. For people who want to continue to remain ordinary, the choice is to settle and cope with life, living lives of quiet desperation, as Thoreau says. For warriors, however, the choice is to dig deep and become inspired. To be inspired by engaging in stressful experiences they want to learn from to grow.
Warriors are inspired by and curious about the darkness, the unknowns, and the difficulty of the road less traveled. Life is no longer a paradox for them. They can focus on what they want directly, in this moment, here and now.
Practice Tip: What’s Good about What’s Bad?
You may have an unconscious tendency to label traumatic experiences as bad. For example: think of a bad experience in your life. Was it an accident, breakup of a relationship, or death of a friend? Now, think about what you learned from that experience. How did it make you grow? Such experiences are stressful but they allow you to grow.
Decide today to remove the words “good” and “bad” from your vocabulary. When you communicate with yourself or others, do not use those words. Find different ways to express yourself. This simple shift will transform how you relate to stress.
If we look a little deeper at these two roads we find that goals occur in the future, while stressful processes occur in the present. And, this is important, because it points to what we can and can’t control. We can’t control the future. We can only control what occurs in the present. We have an unconscious tendency to be motivated by goals and dislike stressful processes. This sets us up for focusing our attention on what we can’t control, which makes us feel powerless. Warriors take the road less traveled, and although it’s stressful, they face that stress willingly, even desiring it.
In the last lesson, I referenced M Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Travelled, where he says that life is difficult. Life is difficult, yet we think taking the road most traveled, the comfortable one, is an option. Since life is stressful and full of challenges, we can’t hide from it. We may try to hide in the security of a job that pays a lot of money or the comfort that climbing 5.12 gives us. But, life eventually catches up with us and exerts its stress upon us.
Choosing the road most traveled is an unconscious tendency. To move beyond this tendency we need to become conscious. One of the first and most impactful things we can do to start becoming conscious is to value stress. Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda’s teacher, told Carlos that the basic difference between ordinary people and warriors is that warriors take everything that happens as a challenge, whereas ordinary people take everything that happens as a blessing or a curse. Ordinary people bless comfort and curse stress. Warriors don’t label situations that way. They don’t label situations at all; they simply accept them for what they are. The big downside to such labeling is that we unconsciously label the very thing that we need to grow and learn—stress—as bad, as a curse.
Ordinary people remain unconscious and think life is paradoxical. They can’t achieve what they want, those goals, by focusing on them directly. The more they want them, the more elusive they become. They live a paradox of doing what they don’t like, so they can achieve what they want. So, they practice being unattached to their goals. For warriors, however, there is no paradox. Warriors want stressful situations because this is where they learn. They hunt for stress, for situations that provide opportunities to learn, grow, and gain power.
To become warriors we need to move beyond this unconscious tendency to curse stress, to label it as bad. We need to see the value that stress provides us. We need to be motivated in such a way that we want to engage stress.
If we settle for the road most travelled then we don’t grow. Whether we’re conscious or not, the fact that life is difficult won’t go away. We’ll either live a frustrated, shallow life, resisting stress and whither away, or we’ll live a more peaceful, deep life, accepting stress and grow.
What’s interesting is that we actually want the difficulty of the road less travelled. Why would we subject ourselves to the stress of rock climbing? Because there’s something within us that wants to be challenged. There’s something innate within us that wants to grow. Growth is a natural part of life: trees grow, animals grow, people grow. Accepting stress as natural, even desiring it, helps us grow mentally. Now, we should ask ourselves: Why do we label small handholds as bad, just because they’re small and create more stress? If we want to be warriors, then we need to wake up and stop doing that.
The road most travelled, really, is an illusion. The fact that life is difficult eventually catches up with us. When? When we’re 40 and experiencing our mid-life crisis. The road most travelled isn’t aligned with the natural order of the world. So, at 40 we all get another chance to make a choice, to choose the road less travelled. We’ve lived long enough to feel the full impact of living a shallow life. For people who want to continue to remain ordinary, the choice is to settle and cope with life, living lives of quiet desperation, as Thoreau says. For warriors, however, the choice is to dig deep and become inspired. To be inspired by engaging in stressful experiences they want to learn from to grow.
Warriors are inspired by and curious about the darkness, the unknowns, and the difficulty of the road less traveled. Life is no longer a paradox for them. They can focus on what they want directly, in this moment, here and now.
Practice Tip: What’s Good about What’s Bad?
You may have an unconscious tendency to label traumatic experiences as bad. For example: think of a bad experience in your life. Was it an accident, breakup of a relationship, or death of a friend? Now, think about what you learned from that experience. How did it make you grow? Such experiences are stressful but they allow you to grow.
Decide today to remove the words “good” and “bad” from your vocabulary. When you communicate with yourself or others, do not use those words. Find different ways to express yourself. This simple shift will transform how you relate to stress.
