Scott Murray's Blog, page 183

A brief history of ... English football champions

The curious fan’s guide to the best teams in England, from double winners to Ipswich Town’s sole title

With the Guardian’s unstoppable rise to global dominance (NOTE: actual dominance may not be global. Or dominant) we at Guardian US thought we’d run a series of articles for newer football fans wishing to improve their knowledge of the game’s history and storylines, hopefully in a way that doesn’t patronise you to within an inch of your life. A warning: If you’re the kind of person that finds The Blizzard too populist this may not be the series for you.

Congratulations to Chelsea Football Club on their fifth English league title! It’s a relatively new experience, this, watching the west London club cavort around in celebration of the championship. Before José Mourinho turned up for his first managerial stint at Stamford Bridge in 2004, they’d only won the title once, back in 1955, when the identity of the English league champions was ascertained by the First Division rather than the Premier League (but let’s not go into that, that sort of thing is what footnotes are for*).

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Juventus v Real Madrid: Champions League semi-final, as it happened

Carlos Tevez’s second-half penalty gave Juve the edge in the first leg against the European champions.

9.37pm BST

Kroos, from the right, sends a free kick straight down Buffon’s throat. The ball’s claimed, and so is the victory for Juventus! That’s a deserved win for the Italian champions over the European version. Whether it’s enough to see them into their first final since 2003 is another matter: home victories are ten a penny when these two teams meet, and that away goal of Ronaldo’s may prove crucial. But the second leg next week promises to be another old-school classic. Who’d miss it?

9.36pm BST

90 min: There will be three added minutes. The first sees a free kick won by Juve down the left, just outside the area. The second sees Pirlo curl a stunning free kick to the right-hand post, where Llorente is free! But the big man doesn’t connect properly with his header. It flaps harmlessly down, from four yards, and Casillas can gather. He should never have been given the chance to save that. What a chance to put the European champions in serious bother ahead of the second leg!

9.34pm BST

89 min: This game is end to end now, a stretched nonsense. Hernandez makes good down the left but his cross can’t be poked home at the near post by Marcelo. Up the other end, Pirlo’s magic wand of a leg plays an uncharacteristically clunky pass with Real light at the back.

9.32pm BST

87 min: Marchisio rakes a long pass down the right wing. Suddenly Varane miskicks, a total fresh-air shot, and Llorente is free in the area! Casillas comes off his line to narrow the angle. Llorente takes a touch round the keeper on the outside, but is left with no angle and cuts back for Pereyra. Real hack clear. Casillas did rather brilliantly there, for he could have easily taken Llorente down, at which point all hell would have broken loose.

9.29pm BST

86 min: Juve are certainly looking to keep hold of what they’ve got. Tevez, who has been his usual electric best tonight, is swapped in favour of Pereyra.

9.28pm BST

85 min: Rodriguez is booked for a very average lunge on Llorente.

9.28pm BST

83 min: Lichtsteiner barges into the back of Hernandez as the pair chase a ball out of the Juventus box on the left. There’s contact there, and it could easily have been a penalty kick. But nothing’s given. Speaking of refereeing decisions, it turns out that, in the penalty melee, Vidal was booked for demanding a red card for Carvajal in the trenchant style. Meanwhile here’s Stephen Hughes with another Uefa-sanctioned Hendrix pre-match anthem: “Remember when this all wasn’t so money-doped? Remember when only Champions were involved? Remember when it wasn’t a league but a glorious two-legged cup competition all the way through? Remember when commentaries from Eastern Europe had the satisfying crackle of a dodgy phone line connection?”

9.26pm BST

81 min: Real are seeing most of the ball. And doing most of the huffing, and most of the puffing. They’re going nowhere right now.

9.23pm BST

78 min: Morata is replaced by Llorente. Real win a corner that proves a total waste of time. They’re throwing a lot of crosses into the Juve area, but Chiellini and Bonucci are dealing with every one.

9.21pm BST

75 min: So here’s the thing, it would appear Carvajal wasn’t booked for his role in the penalty. We know this now because he’s just seen yellow for a cynical clip on Morata’s ankles. Unless Martin Atkinson’s having a Graham Poll moment of course, but come along. The melee after the penalty award was very confusing, mind.

9.18pm BST

74 min: A sense that Real are getting a little frustrated here. Kroos has a wild slash from the best part of 30 yards. It’s not an awful effort by any means, but was never going into the top-right corner as intended.

9.17pm BST

73 min: Sergio Ramos, down the right wing with options on both sides, blooters an aimless cross out of play on the left. In the middle, Ronaldo throws semaphore shapes, involving representations of letters such as F and C.

9.14pm BST

71 min: Juve collectively skitter around across the front of the Real box. Evra attempts to break into the area, but his low cross is useless and into the side netting. A good positive break, though. Real aren’t looking particularly comfortable right now. “As Arturo Vidal is playing, surely the song should be Voodoo Chile?” wonders Shaun Wilkinson. “I love puns that only work in written form.”

9.12pm BST

68 min: Chiellini has taken a whack upside the noggin, and is swathed in blood-soaked bandages accordingly. On the upside, he gets a new shirt. And he’ll be fine to continue.

9.11pm BST

66 min: This is much better from Bale, who races after a ball down the right, pulls it back to send Bonucci the wrong way, and curls a cross to the far post. It’s a quiff-width too high for Ronaldo, who rises in a futile attempt to head home. So close to a second equaliser. Ronaldo has the face on again, but he needs to wind the old neck in, for Bale very nearly set him up there.

9.08pm BST

65 min: A sign that Juve may be looking to lock this one down. Sturaro is replaced by Barzagli.

9.08pm BST

64 min: Hernandez comes on for Isco. Gareth Bale has done bugger all tonight, but he’s involved in Hernandez’s first move, a scrappy pinball affair in the Juve area which sees the ball, bouncing in from the right, evade both Real’s new man and Ronaldo coming in at the left-hand post. Goal kick.

9.07pm BST

62 min: Now it’s Vidal’s turn to scamper down the left wing. He pulls the ball back for Sturaro, whose shot from 25 yards is blocked. Juve are firmly on the front foot here.

9.04pm BST

60 min: Evra is sent skittering down the left wing, after a stunning backheel from Tevez. He earns a corner, from which little of note occurs, other than a harmless game of head tennis. But Real are rocking here.

9.02pm BST

Tevez gets up and - after a pause so the referee can book Marcelo for bowling Morata over, and Carvajal for the foul - blasts home, straight down the middle! The stadium explodes into life! This semi-final is on!

9.00pm BST

56 min: Kroos’s corner is cleared. Marcelo sends a hard shot back into the box, but it’s blocked and suddenly Morata and Tevez are scooting upfield, two on two! Morata slides the ball to the left for Tevez, and he’s upended in doing so. Tevez bustles into the area, and just before he can shoot from an angle on the left, is upended clumsily by Carvajal!

8.59pm BST

55 min: A free kick for Madrid in the middle of the Juve half. Kroos floats it into the box, earning a corner on the left off a Juve eyebrow. And from the corner ...

8.57pm BST

53 min: Vidal battles hard down the left to win a ball that’s never his. He slides a pass inside to Morata, who feeds Tevez. Tevez embarks on a tight slalom down the middle, but is barged off the ball - legally - before he enters the area. A welcome injection of pace and determination to what’s been a turgid half so far.

8.54pm BST

50 min: The first half started at a most agreeable lick. The second hasn’t.

8.51pm BST

48 min: Tevez is clearly in a can-do mood, though. He cuts in from the right and, from 20 yards, looks to curl one into the top left. He doesn’t get enough on the shot, though, and it sails harmlessly into the arms of Casillas.

8.50pm BST

And we’re off again! Real get the ball rolling. And within 60 seconds, Tevez is in the book for a fairly basic challenge on Ramos. “Did you know that Handel’s house in London was also shared by (not at the same time, I think...) one Jimi Hendrix,” writes Rusty Richardson. “That being the case, couldn’t we have a new Uefa anthem as an updated version of one of Jimi’s songs? Any suggestions?” Manic Depression?

8.41pm BST

Half-time advertisement: Features old Fiat, and bloke who doesn’t bother to put on the handbrake when he parks his car.

8.35pm BST

And that’s that for the first quarter of this two-leg tie. Juventus were the better side for most of the opening half hour, but Real aren’t European champions for nothing, and they should be ahead. How did Rodriguez miss that header? It’s all set up for a fascinating second half. No flipping!

8.33pm BST

44 min: Morata and Varane tangle on the right-hand edge of the Real box. The former goes over the latter’s leg, looking for a penalty kick. It’d have been a soft one, but you’ve seen them given. The crowd pump up the volume when the decision goes Real’s way, Morata having clattered into Varane during the same episode. All fair enough.

8.31pm BST

41 min: Real should be ahead. They ping it around, right to left, in a most delightful fashion. Almost Barcelonaesque, some would suggest. Isco’s then free in the area down the left. He clips a ball into the centre, where James dives in to score. Or he should. His header flies up into the air and crashes off the bar and out. What an appalling miss. And there we all were thinking Ronaldo had very little to do for the equaliser.

8.28pm BST

39 min: Ronaldo falls out with referee Martin Atkinson over a minor challenge in the middle of the park. He’s got a proper face on as he rants. Then, 60 seconds later, he batters the ball into the ref’s back. I’d like to think that was spitefully intentional, but it probably wasn’t. Ah well.

8.26pm BST

36 min: Tevez attempts a tricky backheel in the centre circle. He telegraphs it, and it’s intercepted by Ramos, whose first-time rake down the middle nearly releases Ronaldo on goal. Just a little too much juice on the pass.

8.22pm BST

34 min: Marchisio has the ball 25 yards from goal, in a fairly central position. With a little time to play with, he shapes and pearls a daisycutter towards the bottom left, but it’s going wide of the post and Casillas has it covered anyway. Not a bad looking effort, but he probably should have done a little better.

8.21pm BST

33 min: Juve stroke it around the back awhile, in the trademark Italian style, though this isn’t designed to frustrate the opposition, more to allow them to clear their heads. Here’s Nicholas Farrell, re Ronaldo’s set-piece stylings of the sixth minute: “I recently read the interview with Billy Beane on his appointment with AZ Alkmaar. Billyball would not take free kicks for exactly that reason.”

8.18pm BST

30 min: Ronaldo wins a corner down the right. Kroos’s set piece is cleared, but the ball’s soon hoicked back into the area. Some slapstick bedlam by the left-hand post, six players trying to bring a hectically spinning ball under control, before Vidal eventually takes matters into his own hands with a desperate overhead kick to clear. Juve look a little shocked at conceding that goal, after looking fairly comfortable during the opening period.

8.15pm BST

Anyone plump for next goal Juve? Bad luck. A ball bouncing into the Juventus box down the right. Most people would bring that down and then have a think, but Rodriguez leaps acrobatically into the air, scooping the ball into the six-yard box with a delicate high kick, and the ball drops to Ronaldo, six yards out. Heads. And in. So simple. The stadium falls quiet.

8.13pm BST

24 min: But this is better from Real. And as simple a move as it gets. Marcelo rakes a long pass down the left for Ronaldo to chase. He’s got a yard on Bonucci, but uncharacteristically panics, and screws a lame effort, meant for the bottom right, across the face of goal and out of play for a goal kick. Juve go up the other end and nearly break through themselves, Lichsteiner making room for himself down the right. But he suffers a headrush upon entering the box, and slices a disgraceful shot wide right from a tight angle with team-mates waiting in the middle. Good luck in calling the next goal in this match!

8.10pm BST

23 min: A lot of whistling as Ronaldo dances down the left wing to little effect. The ball’s eventually slipped wide to Marcelo, who floats an ineffective cross into the Juventus box. Buffon yawns, scratches his arse, and plucks the ball from the sky.

8.07pm BST

20 min: A bit of space for Rodriguez down the left. He whips a high ball to the far post, where Varane heads over from 12 yards.

8.07pm BST

17 min: Sergio Ramos fannies around down the Real right, and has the ball stolen off him by Sturaro, who romps into the box and pulls the ball back for Tevez, who nearly finds the bottom-left corner with a low shot. Real have had the majority of possession so far, but could easily be a couple of goals down. They’ll need to watch themselves here. “I must be as cheap and simple as you,” writes Karl Gibbons. “I want goals, goals and maybe some more goals please. Sending off too much to ask?” Not at all. A bench-emptying brawl too? Why not.

8.03pm BST

15 min: Isco takes a shot from a preposterous distance, though to be fair he’s in a large pocket of space in the middle of the Juve half, so why not. The ball bounces harmlessly into the arms of Buffon, who has been busier than the home side would like, current scoreline or no.

8.01pm BST

13 min: But Real are responding well to going a goal down. Kroos, 25 yards out, sends a fast fizzer towards the bottom-left corner. It’s going in, but Buffon gets down at the last second to tip the ball round the post, a magnificent save. The resulting corner comes to naught.

7.59pm BST

10 min: Real look a little shocked for a while, but soon get their gamefaces on again. A corner’s won down the right wing and swung into the box. Buffon comes out to flap. Isco, out on the left wing, can’t turn the ball into the danger zone again.

7.57pm BST

This is so simple. A ball shuttled down the right wing, Marchisio finding Tevez in the box with a sliderule pass, just inside the box, to the right of goal. He threads a powerful shot towards the bottom left. Casillas palms it out, but only across to Morata, who is onside - just - and taps in from a couple of yards. He doesn’t celebrate against his old club. Come off it! Champions League semi going on here!

7.56pm BST

7 min: This is a lovely open start to the game. Morata chases after a looping ball down the inside right channel and spots Casillas off his line. He looks to lob the keeper, aiming diagonally for the top-left corner, and his effort is on target. But the keeper backtracks and claims. A fine effort!

7.55pm BST

6 min: Ronaldo blooters it into the wall. He’s only scored from one free kick this season, which is a reputation-to-product ratio that would flatter Roberto Carlos.

7.53pm BST

5 min: Bale goes on a skitter down the middle of the park, and is upended by Bonucci, ten yards from the area, just to the right of centre. The Juve defender picks up an early booking for that one. And this is a free kick in a dangerous position.

7.52pm BST

3 min: Sturaro strides down the inside-left channel and takes a shot from 25 yards. It’s heading into the bottom-left corner, but easily claimed by Casillas.

7.51pm BST

2 min: A free kick to Real down the left. Rodriguez hoicks it into the box, which is loaded with black shirts, but Buffon claims easily at the far post. A fast start here.

7.50pm BST

Juve set the ball rolling! The ball’s soon at Casillas’s feet. He hacks clear in the sloppy fashion, under pressure from Tevez. Marchisio has the ball, 30 yards out down the inside-right channel. He slips it forward to Vidal, who stumbles in the area under a challenge from Pepe. Casillas gathers. What a chance spurned! Vidal should have got his shot away quickly. Though it’s interesting that he didn’t claim for a penalty kick, because Pepe brushed his heels there.

7.47pm BST

As Allen Toussaint so nearly wrote: here come the boys. Both teams are out on the pitch, 22 pairs of ears bent by the official Uefa bastardisation of Handel. Juve wear their famous Notts County influenced black-and-white stripes, Real sport their third-choice all-black number. You could argue there’s a case for the visitors choosing their second-choice neon pink number, but they’ve decided to ensure a monochrome aesthetic tonight. Hats off to them for that.

7.41pm BST

A rare old atmosphere in the Juventus Stadium tonight. And no wonder, this is Juve’s first Champions League semi-final for a dozen years. Also, it’s a Champions League semi-final. “The tie feels rather old-school, in a good way,” opines Magnus Lind. “A classic tie between two European giants that have both been underperforming in Europe for some time.” Magnus setting some high standards there, given what Real managed last season. But with the wider picture in mind, you get the point he’s making. After a decade of underachievement, to varying degrees of course, it’s good to see two of European football’s classic old

brands
names duke it out at the business end of this great tournament again. Though having made the argument for high standards, it would be nice if both defences thoroughly disgrace themselves tonight. I fancy a goalfest. Hey, to hell with tactical battles, I’m simple folk, and cheap like that.

7.23pm BST

Massimiliano Allegri has made one change to the team that earned a scoreless draw in Monaco. Andrea Barzagli is relegated to the bench, with Stefano Sturaro taking his place in midfield. Up front, former Real Madrid striker Alvaro Morata will be alongside Carlos Tevez. Meanwhile Real, who must do without the injured Karim Benzema and Luca Modric, top up the sparkle by recalling Gareth Bale to their starting line-up. He could do with the boost, by all accounts. “Bale’s time in Madrid appears to be going from bad to worse,” quips Joey Shaw, who sends in this clip of Bale being asked to take a photo of a fan with James Rodriguez before the game against Sevilla last weekend. Yes, it’s been a total nightmare. The winning goal in last year’s Spanish cup final. The decisive goal in last year’s Champions League final. And now everyone knows he’s the sort of straight-up guy who’s more than willing to park his ego to one side so a young fan can get a picture with their hero. It’s never enough, though, is it.

7.00pm BST

Juventus: Buffon, Lichtsteiner, Bonucci, Chiellini, Evra, Marchisio, Pirlo, Sturaro, Vidal, Tevez, Morata.
Subs: Storari, Barzagli, Padoin, Pepe, Pereyra, Llorente, Matri.

Real Madrid: Casillas, Carvajal, Varane, Pepe, Marcelo, Kroos, Ramos, Bale, Isco, Rodríguez, Ronaldo.
Subs: Navas, Lucas Sival, Hernandez, Arbeloa, Jese, Coentrao, Illaramendi.

6.50pm BST

A little bit of history, while we’ve got time to kill. Before all the games mentioned in the preamble, Juventus and Real Madrid had met in the European Cup on three occasions. Juventus prevailed in the quarter-finals in 1996, Real Madrid edged past the Old Lady in the second round back in 1986/87, and then there was 1961/62, when Juve became the first team to beat Madrid at the Bernabeu in European competition. Here’s Omar Sivori, then the reigning European Footballer of the Year, doing for Real in the quarters.

6.15pm BST

It goes to show how much the modern billion-buck Mega Clubs have skewed football that, in a four-horse race for this year’s Champions League, the famous Juventus are rank outsiders at 9-1. That’s a full six points behind the best price you can get for Bayern Munich, the third favourites. This is Juventus, two-time European champions. Juventus, finalists on five other occasions. Juventus, one of only four clubs to have won all three major European trophies. Juventus, twice world champions. Juventus, 31 times the winners of Serie A, for the majority of time the hardest league of all to win. Juventus!

But this is where we are. Juventus are the rank outsiders of the four semi-finalists, and very much considered second favourites in this semi-final tie. Their opponents are the reigning European champions Real Madrid, 10-time winners of this tournament, the most famous club of all. Their squad includes the most expensive player in the world, Gareth Bale, the second-most expensive player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo, and is littered with plenty more high-end talent: Toni Kroos, James Rodríguez, Sergio Ramos, Javier Hernández, the currently injured Luka Modric and Karim Benzema. Ronaldo has scored 53 goals so far this season. The team haven’t conceded on the road for 444 minutes in this competition. Their manager is one of only six men to have lifted the European Cup as both player and coach, and just the second manager to win it three times. This lot are not half bad. Real Madrid!

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Juventus v Real Madrid: Champions League semi-final – live!

Champions League semi-final, first leg updates from the Juventus StadiumLive scoreboard! Follow all of the night’s goals and games as they happenAnd feel free to send an email scott.murray@theguardian.com’s way

9.26pm BST

81 min: Real are seeing most of the ball. And doing most of the huffing, and most of the puffing. They’re going nowhere right now.

9.23pm BST

78 min: Morata is replaced by Llorente. Real win a corner that proves a total waste of time. They’re throwing a lot of crosses into the Juve area, but Chiellini and Bonucci are dealing with every one.

9.21pm BST

75 min: So here’s the thing, it would appear Carvajal wasn’t booked for his role in the penalty. We know this now because he’s just seen yellow for a cynical clip on Morata’s ankles. Unless Martin Atkinson’s having a Graham Poll moment of course, but come along. The melee after the penalty award was very confusing, mind.

9.18pm BST

74 min: A sense that Real are getting a little frustrated here. Kroos has a wild slash from the best part of 30 yards. It’s not an awful effort by any means, but was never going into the top-right corner as intended.

9.17pm BST

73 min: Sergio Ramos, down the right wing with options on both sides, blooters an aimless cross out of play on the left. In the middle, Ronaldo throws semaphore shapes, involving representations of letters such as F and C.

9.14pm BST

71 min: Juve collectively skitter around across the front of the Real box. Evra attempts to break into the area, but his low cross is useless and into the side netting. A good positive break, though. Real aren’t looking particularly comfortable right now. “As Arturo Vidal is playing, surely the song should be Voodoo Chile?” wonders Shaun Wilkinson. “I love puns that only work in written form.”

9.12pm BST

68 min: Chiellini has taken a whack upside the noggin, and is swathed in blood-soaked bandages accordingly. On the upside, he gets a new shirt. And he’ll be fine to continue.

9.11pm BST

66 min: This is much better from Bale, who races after a ball down the right, pulls it back to send Bonucci the wrong way, and curls a cross to the far post. It’s a quiff-width too high for Ronaldo, who rises in a futile attempt to head home. So close to a second equaliser. Ronaldo has the face on again, but he needs to wind the old neck in, for Bale very nearly set him up there.

9.08pm BST

65 min: A sign that Juve may be looking to lock this one down. Sturaro is replaced by Barzagli.

9.08pm BST

64 min: Hernandez comes on for Isco. Gareth Bale has done bugger all tonight, but he’s involved in Hernandez’s first move, a scrappy pinball affair in the Juve area which sees the ball, bouncing in from the right, evade both Real’s new man and Ronaldo coming in at the left-hand post. Goal kick.

9.07pm BST

62 min: Now it’s Vidal’s turn to scamper down the left wing. He pulls the ball back for Sturaro, whose shot from 25 yards is blocked. Juve are firmly on the front foot here.

9.04pm BST

60 min: Evra is sent skittering down the left wing, after a stunning backheel from Tevez. He earns a corner, from which little of note occurs, other than a harmless game of head tennis. But Real are rocking here.

9.02pm BST

Tevez gets up and - after a pause so the referee can book Marcelo for bowling Morata over, and Carvajal for the foul - blasts home, straight down the middle! The stadium explodes into life! This semi-final is on!

9.00pm BST

56 min: Kroos’s corner is cleared. Marcelo sends a hard shot back into the box, but it’s blocked and suddenly Morata and Tevez are scooting upfield, two on two! Morata slides the ball to the left for Tevez, and he’s upended in doing so. Tevez bustles into the area, and just before he can shoot from an angle on the left, is upended clumsily by Carvajal!

8.59pm BST

55 min: A free kick for Madrid in the middle of the Juve half. Kroos floats it into the box, earning a corner on the left off a Juve eyebrow. And from the corner ...

8.57pm BST

53 min: Vidal battles hard down the left to win a ball that’s never his. He slides a pass inside to Morata, who feeds Tevez. Tevez embarks on a tight slalom down the middle, but is barged off the ball - legally - before he enters the area. A welcome injection of pace and determination to what’s been a turgid half so far.

8.54pm BST

50 min: The first half started at a most agreeable lick. The second hasn’t.

8.51pm BST

48 min: Tevez is clearly in a can-do mood, though. He cuts in from the right and, from 20 yards, looks to curl one into the top left. He doesn’t get enough on the shot, though, and it sails harmlessly into the arms of Casillas.

8.50pm BST

And we’re off again! Real get the ball rolling. And within 60 seconds, Tevez is in the book for a fairly basic challenge on Ramos. “Did you know that Handel’s house in London was also shared by (not at the same time, I think...) one Jimi Hendrix,” writes Rusty Richardson. “That being the case, couldn’t we have a new Uefa anthem as an updated version of one of Jimi’s songs? Any suggestions?” Manic Depression?

8.41pm BST

Half-time advertisement: Features old Fiat, and bloke who doesn’t bother to put on the handbrake when he parks his car.

8.35pm BST

And that’s that for the first quarter of this two-leg tie. Juventus were the better side for most of the opening half hour, but Real aren’t European champions for nothing, and they should be ahead. How did Rodriguez miss that header? It’s all set up for a fascinating second half. No flipping!

8.33pm BST

44 min: Morata and Varane tangle on the right-hand edge of the Real box. The former goes over the latter’s leg, looking for a penalty kick. It’d have been a soft one, but you’ve seen them given. The crowd pump up the volume when the decision goes Real’s way, Morata having clattered into Varane during the same episode. All fair enough.

8.31pm BST

41 min: Real should be ahead. They ping it around, right to left, in a most delightful fashion. Almost Barcelonaesque, some would suggest. Isco’s then free in the area down the left. He clips a ball into the centre, where James dives in to score. Or he should. His header flies up into the air and crashes off the bar and out. What an appalling miss. And there we all were thinking Ronaldo had very little to do for the equaliser.

8.28pm BST

39 min: Ronaldo falls out with referee Martin Atkinson over a minor challenge in the middle of the park. He’s got a proper face on as he rants. Then, 60 seconds later, he batters the ball into the ref’s back. I’d like to think that was spitefully intentional, but it probably wasn’t. Ah well.

8.26pm BST

36 min: Tevez attempts a tricky backheel in the centre circle. He telegraphs it, and it’s intercepted by Ramos, whose first-time rake down the middle nearly releases Ronaldo on goal. Just a little too much juice on the pass.

8.22pm BST

34 min: Marchisio has the ball 25 yards from goal, in a fairly central position. With a little time to play with, he shapes and pearls a daisycutter towards the bottom left, but it’s going wide of the post and Casillas has it covered anyway. Not a bad looking effort, but he probably should have done a little better.

8.21pm BST

33 min: Juve stroke it around the back awhile, in the trademark Italian style, though this isn’t designed to frustrate the opposition, more to allow them to clear their heads. Here’s Nicholas Farrell, re Ronaldo’s set-piece stylings of the sixth minute: “I recently read the interview with Billy Beane on his appointment with AZ Alkmaar. Billyball would not take free kicks for exactly that reason.”

8.18pm BST

30 min: Ronaldo wins a corner down the right. Kroos’s set piece is cleared, but the ball’s soon hoicked back into the area. Some slapstick bedlam by the left-hand post, six players trying to bring a hectically spinning ball under control, before Vidal eventually takes matters into his own hands with a desperate overhead kick to clear. Juve look a little shocked at conceding that goal, after looking fairly comfortable during the opening period.

8.15pm BST

Anyone plump for next goal Juve? Bad luck. A ball bouncing into the Juventus box down the right. Most people would bring that down and then have a think, but Rodriguez leaps acrobatically into the air, scooping the ball into the six-yard box with a delicate high kick, and the ball drops to Ronaldo, six yards out. Heads. And in. So simple. The stadium falls quiet.

8.13pm BST

24 min: But this is better from Real. And as simple a move as it gets. Marcelo rakes a long pass down the left for Ronaldo to chase. He’s got a yard on Bonucci, but uncharacteristically panics, and screws a lame effort, meant for the bottom right, across the face of goal and out of play for a goal kick. Juve go up the other end and nearly break through themselves, Lichsteiner making room for himself down the right. But he suffers a headrush upon entering the box, and slices a disgraceful shot wide right from a tight angle with team-mates waiting in the middle. Good luck in calling the next goal in this match!

8.10pm BST

23 min: A lot of whistling as Ronaldo dances down the left wing to little effect. The ball’s eventually slipped wide to Marcelo, who floats an ineffective cross into the Juventus box. Buffon yawns, scratches his arse, and plucks the ball from the sky.

8.07pm BST

20 min: A bit of space for Rodriguez down the left. He whips a high ball to the far post, where Varane heads over from 12 yards.

8.07pm BST

17 min: Sergio Ramos fannies around down the Real right, and has the ball stolen off him by Sturaro, who romps into the box and pulls the ball back for Tevez, who nearly finds the bottom-left corner with a low shot. Real have had the majority of possession so far, but could easily be a couple of goals down. They’ll need to watch themselves here. “I must be as cheap and simple as you,” writes Karl Gibbons. “I want goals, goals and maybe some more goals please. Sending off too much to ask?” Not at all. A bench-emptying brawl too? Why not.

8.03pm BST

15 min: Isco takes a shot from a preposterous distance, though to be fair he’s in a large pocket of space in the middle of the Juve half, so why not. The ball bounces harmlessly into the arms of Buffon, who has been busier than the home side would like, current scoreline or no.

8.01pm BST

13 min: But Real are responding well to going a goal down. Kroos, 25 yards out, sends a fast fizzer towards the bottom-left corner. It’s going in, but Buffon gets down at the last second to tip the ball round the post, a magnificent save. The resulting corner comes to naught.

7.59pm BST

10 min: Real look a little shocked for a while, but soon get their gamefaces on again. A corner’s won down the right wing and swung into the box. Buffon comes out to flap. Isco, out on the left wing, can’t turn the ball into the danger zone again.

7.57pm BST

This is so simple. A ball shuttled down the right wing, Marchisio finding Tevez in the box with a sliderule pass, just inside the box, to the right of goal. He threads a powerful shot towards the bottom left. Casillas palms it out, but only across to Morata, who is onside - just - and taps in from a couple of yards. He doesn’t celebrate against his old club. Come off it! Champions League semi going on here!

7.56pm BST

7 min: This is a lovely open start to the game. Morata chases after a looping ball down the inside right channel and spots Casillas off his line. He looks to lob the keeper, aiming diagonally for the top-left corner, and his effort is on target. But the keeper backtracks and claims. A fine effort!

7.55pm BST

6 min: Ronaldo blooters it into the wall. He’s only scored from one free kick this season, which is a reputation-to-product ratio that would flatter Roberto Carlos.

7.53pm BST

5 min: Bale goes on a skitter down the middle of the park, and is upended by Bonucci, ten yards from the area, just to the right of centre. The Juve defender picks up an early booking for that one. And this is a free kick in a dangerous position.

7.52pm BST

3 min: Sturaro strides down the inside-left channel and takes a shot from 25 yards. It’s heading into the bottom-left corner, but easily claimed by Casillas.

7.51pm BST

2 min: A free kick to Real down the left. Rodriguez hoicks it into the box, which is loaded with black shirts, but Buffon claims easily at the far post. A fast start here.

7.50pm BST

Juve set the ball rolling! The ball’s soon at Casillas’s feet. He hacks clear in the sloppy fashion, under pressure from Tevez. Marchisio has the ball, 30 yards out down the inside-right channel. He slips it forward to Vidal, who stumbles in the area under a challenge from Pepe. Casillas gathers. What a chance spurned! Vidal should have got his shot away quickly. Though it’s interesting that he didn’t claim for a penalty kick, because Pepe brushed his heels there.

7.47pm BST

As Allen Toussaint so nearly wrote: here come the boys. Both teams are out on the pitch, 22 pairs of ears bent by the official Uefa bastardisation of Handel. Juve wear their famous Notts County influenced black-and-white stripes, Real sport their third-choice all-black number. You could argue there’s a case for the visitors choosing their second-choice neon pink number, but they’ve decided to ensure a monochrome aesthetic tonight. Hats off to them for that.

7.41pm BST

A rare old atmosphere in the Juventus Stadium tonight. And no wonder, this is Juve’s first Champions League semi-final for a dozen years. Also, it’s a Champions League semi-final. “The tie feels rather old-school, in a good way,” opines Magnus Lind. “A classic tie between two European giants that have both been underperforming in Europe for some time.” Magnus setting some high standards there, given what Real managed last season. But with the wider picture in mind, you get the point he’s making. After a decade of underachievement, to varying degrees of course, it’s good to see two of European football’s classic old

brands
names duke it out at the business end of this great tournament again. Though having made the argument for high standards, it would be nice if both defences thoroughly disgrace themselves tonight. I fancy a goalfest. Hey, to hell with tactical battles, I’m simple folk, and cheap like that.

7.23pm BST

Massimiliano Allegri has made one change to the team that earned a scoreless draw in Monaco. Andrea Barzagli is relegated to the bench, with Stefano Sturaro taking his place in midfield. Up front, former Real Madrid striker Alvaro Morata will be alongside Carlos Tevez. Meanwhile Real, who must do without the injured Karim Benzema and Luca Modric, top up the sparkle by recalling Gareth Bale to their starting line-up. He could do with the boost, by all accounts. “Bale’s time in Madrid appears to be going from bad to worse,” quips Joey Shaw, who sends in this clip of Bale being asked to take a photo of a fan with James Rodriguez before the game against Sevilla last weekend. Yes, it’s been a total nightmare. The winning goal in last year’s Spanish cup final. The decisive goal in last year’s Champions League final. And now everyone knows he’s the sort of straight-up guy who’s more than willing to park his ego to one side so a young fan can get a picture with their hero. It’s never enough, though, is it.

7.00pm BST

Juventus: Buffon, Lichtsteiner, Bonucci, Chiellini, Evra, Marchisio, Pirlo, Sturaro, Vidal, Tevez, Morata.
Subs: Storari, Barzagli, Padoin, Pepe, Pereyra, Llorente, Matri.

Real Madrid: Casillas, Carvajal, Varane, Pepe, Marcelo, Kroos, Ramos, Bale, Isco, Rodríguez, Ronaldo.
Subs: Navas, Lucas Sival, Hernandez, Arbeloa, Jese, Coentrao, Illaramendi.

6.50pm BST

A little bit of history, while we’ve got time to kill. Before all the games mentioned in the preamble, Juventus and Real Madrid had met in the European Cup on three occasions. Juventus prevailed in the quarter-finals in 1996, Real Madrid edged past the Old Lady in the second round back in 1986/87, and then there was 1961/62, when Juve became the first team to beat Madrid at the Bernabeu in European competition. Here’s Omar Sivori, then the reigning European Footballer of the Year, doing for Real in the quarters.

6.15pm BST

It goes to show how much the modern billion-buck Mega Clubs have skewed football that, in a four-horse race for this year’s Champions League, the famous Juventus are rank outsiders at 9-1. That’s a full six points behind the best price you can get for Bayern Munich, the third favourites. This is Juventus, two-time European champions. Juventus, finalists on five other occasions. Juventus, one of only four clubs to have won all three major European trophies. Juventus, twice world champions. Juventus, 31 times the winners of Serie A, for the majority of time the hardest league of all to win. Juventus!

But this is where we are. Juventus are the rank outsiders of the four semi-finalists, and very much considered second favourites in this semi-final tie. Their opponents are the reigning European champions Real Madrid, 10-time winners of this tournament, the most famous club of all. Their squad includes the most expensive player in the world, Gareth Bale, the second-most expensive player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo, and is littered with plenty more high-end talent: Toni Kroos, James Rodríguez, Sergio Ramos, Javier Hernández, the currently injured Luka Modric and Karim Benzema. Ronaldo has scored 53 goals so far this season. The team haven’t conceded on the road for 444 minutes in this competition. Their manager is one of only six men to have lifted the European Cup as both player and coach, and just the second manager to win it three times. This lot are not half bad. Real Madrid!

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The Fiver | If John Carver is able to survive the cull, pretty much anyone can

Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving

RAMS AND BULLDOZERS

Bank holidays are all good and well, but the return to the world of work after an extra day of freedom is always psychologically taxing. And so it was that last night The Fiver suffered an anxiety dream, in which it held a big whip in one hand and the steering wheel of a bulldozer in the other. Wheeling around the country at noteworthy velocity and with a glazed look in the eye, The Fiver systematically drove each and every member of Great Britain’s managerial class, whether inert, ineffective or simply inept, into the cold, choppy sea. Britain was thus left with a working population of 173, and a very efficient country it became too. GDP went through the roof. The Fiver then awoke with a jolt, just as it was being led to a show-trial in The Hague. Not sure what our subconscious was trying to say there, but the Fiver won’t wolf down a dozen Dairylea fritters before bedtime ever again, and that’s a piece of processed triangular information you can have for free.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIG WEEKEND SECOND BABY NEWS. WELCOME, CECILE IRIS BAKOWSKI

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The Joy of Six: Everton v Manchester United | Scott Murray

The north-west rivals clash on Sunday in a meeting that has previously featured Cup final upsets, crushed title hopes and sent United towards relegation

Liverpool had won the three previous championships, and were reigning European champions to boot, but their main man Graeme Souness had buggered off to Sampdoria, leaving Ron Atkinson’s Manchester United as many folk’s pre-season favourites for the title. A couple of months in, that looked a fair shout; Liverpool had stalled from the get-go and were flailing around in 17th place after 11 matches, while United were stalking early leaders Arsenal in third, having conceded only nine goals. Hopes of that elusive first title since 1967 were high.

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A brief history of the Arsenal-Chelsea rivalry and why it matters

The curious fan’s guide to the rivalry between London’s biggest and most successful clubs (just ask them)

With the Guardian’s unstoppable rise to global dominance** we at Guardian US thought we’d run a series of articles for fans wishing to improve their knowledge of the sports history and storylines, hopefully in a way that doesn’t patronise you to within an inch of your life. A warning: If you’re the kind of person that finds The Blizzard too populist this may not be the series for you.

** Actual dominance may not be global. Or dominant

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Bayern Munich v Porto: Champions League quarter-final – as it happened

Bayern blew Porto away with a majestic first-half display in Munich.

9.37pm BST

Franck and Arjen who? Bayern were magnificent, admittedly against a Porto side who forgot to turn up until the last 20 minutes. Bayern make the semis, and having made a statement like this, will take some beating. The dream of a sixth European Cup remains. As for the Portuguese, well, they’ll always have Vienna. Good night.

9.35pm BST

90 min +2: Bayern stroke it this way and that.

9.35pm BST

90 min +1: There will be three added minutes. Weiser breaks into the area down the right and pulls the ball inside for Lewandowski, who should register his first hat-trick for Bayern, but his shot from six yards is blocked. Then Rode has a crack, but that one’s blocked too. Porto desperately want to go home.

9.33pm BST

90 min: Thiago, who started this rout, is replaced by Dante.

9.32pm BST

The resulting free kick is 25 yards from goal, just to the left of centre. Alonso steps up, having gone close enough with an attempt earlier. This one finds the top-left corner and sweetly ripples the net. A majestic free kick! And the slim chance of a highly unlikely Porto comeback is very much over.

9.31pm BST

87 min: Thiago makes good down the inside-left channel. Marcano, already booked, slides in with his knees up, a very strange tackle. He takes his opponent out. The referee has no option. He’s off.

9.29pm BST

86 min: Evandro, down the right, swings a deep cross towards Martinez at the far post. Martinez looks to van Basten a volley home from the tightest of angles, but takes a fresh-air swipe. That really would have been something. Weiser comes on for Gotze.

9.27pm BST

84 min: Why didn’t this Porto side turn up at 8.45pm local time?

9.27pm BST

83 min: Oliver Torres has a little space down the left, and there’s acres of empty grass in front of Ricardo, bombing down the inside-left channel. Torres slips the ball inside and forwards, but the pass is too strong and the alert Neuer comes to the edge of his area to claim before Ricardo can latch onto the ball and break into the box.

9.25pm BST

82 min: Gotze is fouled to the right of the Porto box. Chance for Bayern to load the box. Alonso delivers. Maicon clears. Time ticks on.

9.24pm BST

80 min: Lahm draws on all that experience and buys a foul with a time-consuming dribble down the right wing. Bayern haven’t exactly been a bag of nerves since the goal, but they’ve been a little unsettled, with the game stretched out of shape. This break gives them time to regroup.

9.23pm BST

78 min: Lewandowski, step for step, replicates Martinez’s effort of two minutes earlier, up the other end. So close to threading that into the bottom left. Fabiano wasn’t getting to that. What a strange match this has suddenly become. Nothing for the best part of 30 second-half minutes, and now panic at both ends.

9.21pm BST

76 min: Bayern want to watch themselves here. Martinez embarks on a diagonal run across the face of the Bayern box, from left to right, and then unleashes a low fizzer towards the bottom-left corner. It’s only an inch or two wide of the post, and it’s not clear that Neuer would have got to that were it on target. Another Porto goal would plunge this tie into chaos!

9.18pm BST

Bayern fall asleep. Ricardo slides the ball down the right wing for Evandro, who whips a cross into the middle for Martinez. The striker’s a yard offside, but the flag doesn’t go up, and he stoops to head into an empty net, Neuer stranded by the right-hand post. Porto don’t bother celebrating. But they have a smidgen of hope now. Two goals would do it!

9.15pm BST

72 min: Marcano is booked for a fairly basic clatter on Muller. Before the game can restart, Rode comes on for a tired-looking Rafinha.

9.14pm BST

71 min: The ball breaks to Martinez on the edge of the Bayern box. He’s got time to send a snapshot goalwards if he’s very quick. But he’s not very quick, and falls over instead. Ricardo twists and turns a lot down the right, in the hope of getting a cross in, but can’t quite work something for himself. A little bit better from Porto, but of course it’s too little, too late.

9.12pm BST

69 min: Lewandowski nearly sends Gotze scooting into acres of space down the left wing, but his scooped pass doesn’t quite come off. The pair smile at each other. Hey, if you can’t enjoy yourself while 5-0 up in a European Cup quarter final, when can you?

9.10pm BST

67 min: More admin, as Brahimi is replaced by Evandro.

9.10pm BST

65 min: Ricardo is booked for a late clip on Bernat.

9.09pm BST

63 min: Muller zips down the right and whips a dangerous low ball into the Porto six-yard area. Thiago is waiting to tap home, but Marcano steps in to clatter the ball out for a corner. Badstuber tries to guide a header into the top left from the resulting set piece, but it’s not on target. On the touchline, Pep Guardiola must have been livid with the miss, because he’s bursting out of his well-cut suit, Incredible Hulk style! The stitching undone on his trousers, a saucy flash of bare thigh. Oh Pep! I wonder if the club tailor will storm out after this match in a Dr Hans style fit of pique?

9.05pm BST

61 min: Bernat tears down the inside-left channel and fizzes a shot towards the bottom left. It’s deflected round the post for a corner, from which the ball’s worked up the flank, Boateng floating a chip into the area down the channel. Gotze can’t bring the ball down from the sky, though he had sprung the offside trap. He looks pained at his failure to get a shot away, but not that pained.

9.03pm BST

59 min: Porto’s confidence is, as you’d expect, at rock bottom. A simple pass out to Marcano on the left wing. A simple trap to control, but he can’t even manage that, jumping all round the ball as it flies into touch. A bad day at the office. We all have them.

9.01pm BST

58 min: And indeed he takes it, whipping the ball up over the Porto wall and back down towards the top-left corner. Ah, not quite, the ball clearing the bar by a couple of inches. A decent effort.

9.00pm BST

57 min: The ball bouncing around the edge of the Porto box. Lewandowski can’t get a volley away. Muller looks to chest down, but is barged to the ground. That’ll be a free kick, in a very dangerous position, just outside the box to the left of the D. Xabi Alonso looks like he fancies this.

8.57pm BST

54 min: A lot of flags waving, and cheery chanting. Nothing of any note occurring on the pitch. Everyone knows this is over. A painful non-event now for Porto. “Thanks for commiserating,” begins Alan Gomes, presumably having worked himself halfway into the half-time port. “I’m an FC Porto fan living in Vienna - last week I visited Ernst Happel Stadium to check out the plaque celebrating that glorious 1987 Champions Cup final, which was played here. I was hoping it would bring luck to the return leg. Oh well. Anyway, I’d argue my pain is even worse than the average Porto fan’s. I’m watching this catastrophe with my six-year old son. Since Austria is, in footballing terms, an extension of Bavaria, and all his friends are Bayern fans, he’s rooting for Bayern. And he’s wildly celebrating. Every. Single. Goal. I’m thinking his sister is going to get the full inheritance all to herself.”

8.54pm BST

51 min: A signal lack of pace in the game right now. Bayern are content to stroke it around the middle, going nowhere in particular. Porto seem disinclined to press them too hard. If both sides could go home now, they’d do so.

8.51pm BST

48 min: A strange atmosphere in Munich now. It’s celebratory, obviously, but also a slight sense of anti-climax now. A sense already that we’re just running down the clock, Bayern already in the semi-finals.

8.50pm BST

21 seconds into the half: The ball drops to Gotze, just inside the Porto box on the left. He flashes a volley inches wide of the right-hand post, Fabiano beaten all ends up. Bayern are clearly yet to declare.

8.49pm BST

And we’re off again! A second change for Porto, the nigh-on-invisible Quaresma replaced by Ruben Neves. “Ten pounds says ex-Bayern club doctor Hans-Wilhelm Muller-Wohlfhart can now be found curled up with a bottle of schnapps with a few similar dead soldiers at his feet as tears stream down his face,” writes feelgood guy Mark Raven. “Der Daffy Doctor who deserted Munich sees his ex-club up 5-0 and his power play in tatters.” Yes, that one’s not panned out perfectly for him, all told.

8.40pm BST

Half-time refreshment: An entire bottle of delicious, nutritious, pain-relieving port, to deaden the emotions of anyone supporting the Dragons. This drink’s on us, yours to cut out and keep, a little cheeky lifter from your old pals at the Guardian. And hey, you’ll always have Vienna.

8.33pm BST

Just the five in it, then. Wow. Porto have been an abject shower, but Bayern’s play has been scintillating. The second half will be an exhibition. What a Champions League statement this has been! “Are you Brazil in disguise?” wonders/sings Oliver Lind.

8.32pm BST

45 min: Lahm, to the right of the Porto D, looks for his first Champions League goal on his 91st Champions League appearance. This is a rout, not a fairytale, and his looped effort, meant for the top left, sails harmlessly into Fabiano’s arms.

8.30pm BST

42 min: Badstuber should be taking an early bath. He launches into a disgraceful, two-footed, out of control lunge on Quaresma. He lands on the ball, but that’s not good enough, quite frankly. He only sees yellow, a farcical decision. A red there would have changed things a little. As it is, Porto need to hear the half-time whistle and fast. They needed to hear it after a quarter of an hour, tell the truth, but this is where we are now.

8.28pm BST

A corner for Bayern down the left. It’s only half cleared by Porto, and Lahm is soon causing bother down the other wing. He shuttles the ball inside to Muller, who could go down looking for a penalty, Marcano all over his back. But instead he busts for the byline and pulls the ball back for Lewandowski. The striker, 12 yards out, takes a touch to the right, then hammers a low shot into the bottom left. This is an astonishing performance by Bayern, though Porto have been appalling, second to just about every single ball.

8.25pm BST

38 min: Nothing is going right for Porto. Martinez dives into Boateng, looking for a free kick just outside the Bayern box down the left, or maybe even a penalty. He’s getting neither, but he does receive a booking. Dear oh dear.

8.24pm BST

Muller, 25 yards out down the inside-right channel, sends a weak-ish daisycutter goalwards. The ball takes a defection off Martins Indi, and spins towards the bottom-right corner. Fabiano should have it, but he’s dived too early, and is ahead of the ball. His legs should come to the rescue, but the wildly spinning ball goes between them! Muller could hit that shot 999,999 more times and it wouldn’t go in. When it’s your evening, it’s your evening.

8.20pm BST

34 min: The referee’s patience snaps. Herrera shoves Lewandowski in the back, and he’s in the book. What a pointless foul, in the middle of the park with Bayern going nowhere. What a pointless booking.

8.19pm BST

33 min: Reyes suffers the humiliation of being hooked early doors. He doesn’t look particularly injured as he trots off with a face like thunder. Ricardo comes on.

8.17pm BST

30 min: Quaresma wins a corner down the right. Porto only need the one goal to take this to extra time, of course. The resulting set piece is a non-event, and Bayern break upfield at speed. Muller is preparing to tear into a lot of space down the right wing, but he’s upended by Casemiro. The ref takes pity. Porto look highly confused, shocked, and in the throes of panic.

8.15pm BST

29 min: And this is Bayern Munich in crisis!

8.14pm BST

This is a world-class goal. Lahm romps after a long ball down the right. He whips it back inside for Muller, who level with the right-hand post, 12 yards out, volleys a pitching-wedge of a pass inside for Lewandowski. The big striker rises and guides a peach of a header into the top-right corner. That unfolded so beautifully, with a real sense of destiny. As pretty as football gets. What a start this has been by Bayern Munich. Porto are stunned.

8.12pm BST

25 min: Quaresma slides into Bernat down the left, just outside the area. A free kick in a very dangerous position. A shoving match develops. Grown men here, folks. The set piece is hit long. Too long. Porto finally get a chance to breathe. They’ve been battered from pillar to post. Bayern have been magnificent.

8.10pm BST

Bayern couldn’t have started this game any better. A corner down the right is pumped into the mixer. Badstuber rises on penalty spot and wins a header, the ball squirting to his right, where Boateng rises and guides a header into the bottom right. Fabiano, scrambling back, can’t gather. And as things stand, Bayern are going through on away goals!

8.08pm BST

21 min: Porto are all over the shop in midfield right now, second to everything. Thiago chests the ball down in the centre circle and hoists a pass forward for Muller, who takes a touch and looks to welt one into the top-right corner from 30 yards. Not quite, Fabiano gathering. But the home side have fairly flown out of the traps here.

8.05pm BST

18 min: Reyes and Martinez do a number on Gotze down the left wing, a proper double whack. Casemiro went through on Badstuber just before the goal, too. Porto are testing the referee’s patience here.

8.03pm BST

16 min: Porto knock it around the back, with a view to clearing their heads. They look fairly nervous. Bayern are pressing hard, with Pep’s trademark pep.

8.02pm BST

This had been coming, and was brilliantly simple. Gotze chases a ball down the left wing, and pulls it back for Bernat, who scoots past him to the byline, then whips a cross to the near post, where Thiago can’t miss with his header. That was a peach of a cross from Bernat! Bayern have halved the deficit in double-quick time.

7.58pm BST

12 min: Brahimi jigs down the left touchline, drops a shoulder, and whips a brilliant cross into the Bayern box. Problem is, there’s nobody in a garish two-tone blue shirt in the middle. His team-mates let him down badly there, for that was some fine wingplay.

7.57pm BST

10 min: It’s all Bayern, though. Rafinha bursts into the Porto box down the right, then checks back. For a second it looks like he’ll be able to cross, but loses possession and concedes a foul. But the home side are soon coming back at Porto, Muller chasing a clever Lewandowski reverse pass down the inside-right channel. He bursts into the area and hammers a shot on target. Fabiano parries well, but only into the path of Lewandowski, who has been following up. The striker sidefoots goalwards, and should score, but hits the left-hand post, the ball squirting away to safety. So close to the opening goal!

7.55pm BST

8 min: Reyes slides through the back of Gotze, to the left of the centre circle. That could easily have been a booking. As could the next challenge, Casemiro’s agricultural lunge on Lewandowski, another needless one in the middle of the park where nothing much is going on. Lucky for Porto, Martin Atkinson sees this sort of nonsense in the Premier League often enough, and isn’t inclined to get his cards out yet.

7.52pm BST

6 min: Space for the man who won the World Cup for Germany, Mario Gotze, down the left. Not much space, mind. But he still manages to curl a low ball into the box from near the corner flag. It’s hacked clear easily enough, but that was a cute ball in from a tight position.

7.50pm BST

4 min: Bayern launch it long down the middle. Thiago rises on the edge of the box to cushion the ball down for Lewandowski, whose first-time strike is blocked the second it leaves his boot by Maicon.

7.49pm BST

3 min: Lahm whips a cross into the Porto box from the right. Lewandowski rises to head, and sends the ball goalwards, though not at any pace. Fabiano rises to pluck the ball from the sky with a yawn. But this is a lively start from the German champions.

7.49pm BST

2 min: Bayern are on the front foot immediately, then. There’s a quick game of head tennis along the front of the Porto box. Maicon eventually hoicks the ball clear. A rare old atmosphere in the Fussball Arena, as you’d expect for a game of this magnitude.

7.47pm BST

And we’re off! Porto get the ball rolling, and in the first half will be kicking in the direction of the inflatable bear, not that he’s been allowed inside. Torres gives the ball away in the centre circle, forcing Herrera into clattering Xabi Alonso. A slightly panicky start from the away side.

7.46pm BST

The teams are out! Bayern are in their red-and-blue striped shirts, while Porto sport their garish two-tone blue away number. Coaches Pep Guardiola and Julen Lopetegui, former team-mates at Barcelona, smile and embrace each other warmly on the touchline. Let’s see how long Pep’s equilibrium lasts if Bayern start slowly again tonight.

7.39pm BST

So Bayern will have to do this without their star men Franck Ribéry and Arjen Robben. They still have some star men in Thomas Muller, Robert Lewandowski and the out-of-sorts Mario Gotze, to be fair. They’re not doing too badly. Porto meanwhile welcome back defender Ivan Marcano. “Bayern stand a reasonable chance of turning this tie around,” opines Peter Oh, “as long as their recent training sessions have focused on curling free kicks around and lofting pot shots over a parked bus.” To be fair, this might not be as far fetched a scenario as it sounds, if the ad for Champions League sponsor Nissan, Andrés Iniesta chipping a ball through the open windows of a passing car and into the net, is anything to go by.

7.10pm BST

Bayern Munich: Neuer, Rafinha, Boateng, Badstuber, Bernat, Lahm, Alonso, Thiago, Muller, Lewandowski, Gotze.
Subs: Reina, Dante, Pizarro, Gaudino, Rode, Weiser, Schweinsteiger.
Club doctor:

Hans-Wilhelm Muller-Wohlfahrt.

Porto: Fabiano, Reyes, Maicon, Marcano, Martins Indi, Herrera, Casemiro, Oliver Torres, Quaresma, Martinez, Brahimi.
Subs: Helton, Quintero, Evandro, Hernani, Ricardo, Ruben Neves, Aboubakar.

6.30pm BST

History and precedent are not prepared to be Bayern Munich’s pals tonight. The European Cup story of these two teams will always be, first and foremost, about one of Bayern’s many final failures: Porto’s 1987 victory, Rabah Madjer’s gorgeous backheel, all that. Bayern’s two subsequent Champions League quarter-final victories over the Dragões, in 1991 and 2000, just don’t cut it by way of comparison.

Then there’s the wider picture of Bayern’s attempts to recover from away first-leg defeats - like the 3-1 loss they suffered in the Estádio do Dragão last week - in Europe’s greatest club competition. They’ve succeeded on nine occasions, it’s true. But they’ve failed more often than not, suffering 11 defeats in these circumstances. And that includes eight of the last ten times they’ve tried to turn things round like this.

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Reading v Arsenal: FA Cup semi-final – as it happened | Scott Murray

Arsenal were taken to extra time by resilient, occasionally brilliant Reading, but two-goal Alexis Sanchez sent the holders into another final.

7.52pm BST

Sanchez hits a lame free kick, but no matter! The whistle goes for full time, and he’s the two-goal hero! Arsenal, the FA Cup holders, have reached the 2015 final! And they’ve done it at the expense of brave Reading, and poor old Adam Federici. The Reading keeper has one of those thousand-yard stares going on, and he departs the scene in tears, the poor fellow. But while, yes, his error ultimately cost Reading, he was one of 14 heroes in blue and white tonight. Arsenal were below par, Reading were well above theirs, but it wasn’t quite enough for the Championship side. A brilliant game of football, though, which deserves to be remembered for more than one goalkeeping mishap. Let’s hope Reading don’t have to wait another 88 years for their next shot at the final.

7.51pm BST

ET 30 min: Walcott zips down the inside-right channel. He’s upended by Williams, inches before he enters the box. That could have been a penalty, you know. But it probably won’t matter. A free kick on the edge of the area, and the clock’s nearly run out.

7.50pm BST

ET 29 min: Arsenal are sitting back, opting to keep hold of what they have. McCleary tries to break down the right, but Ozil mops up marvellously. Arsenal haven’t been at their best, not by a long chalk, but they’ve put in a shift all right this evening.

7.49pm BST

ET 27 min: Karacan sets Mackie clear down the inside-right channel, but the striker’s a yard offside. Reading have their foot to the floor, but they’re dangerously low on gas.

7.48pm BST

ET 26 min: Sanchez goes on a baroque dribble down the left and into the Reading box. He very nearly breaks through, but some pinball nonsense goes Reading’s way, the ball breaking into Federici’s hands down by the near post. How the keeper will wish he’d gathered Sanchez’s shot like that. The poor lad.

7.45pm BST

ET 25 min: Reading are pinning Arsenal back. Obita makes space down the left and lifts a ball into the middle, which Arsenal clear, but only after a mild struggle. Goodness me, but they’ve been made to work for this.

7.44pm BST

ET 24 min: Throw for Reading, deep in Arsenal territory down the left. The ball ends up at Williams’ feet, on the left-hand corner of the Arsenal box. He’s got options inside, but a large headline floats across his line of vision, and he looks to whistle a spectacular shot into the top right. Nope!

7.43pm BST

ET 22 min: Ramsey and Ozil exchange passes down the inside-left channel. Ozil, free in the area, should shoot, but slides the ball to Giroud on his left. Giroud beats Federici, but the ball bounces off the base of the left-hand post and out! That would have put an end to it, but Reading still have hope!

7.42pm BST

ET 21 min: Arsenal enjoy a period of possession in the middle of the park. Tick tock, tick tock. And the last roll of Reading’s dice: Pogrebnyak, who has had his chances, makes way for Yakubu.

7.40pm BST

ET 19 min: Obita chips the free kick into the mixer. Pogrebnyak challenges Szczesny under the high ball. The keeper wins.

7.39pm BST

ET 18 min: Williams scampers down the inside-left channel. It’s a really determined run, and one which forces Gabriel to step across the Reading midfielder, performing an agricultural bodycheck. A yellow card for the defender, and a free kick 30 yards from goal.

7.37pm BST

ET 17 min: Ozil jigs around down the inside-left channel and, on the edge of the box, drags a lame effort across the front of goal and out on the right.

7.37pm BST

ET 16 min: Cox comes on for Chalobah. Sanchez sees an effort blocked on the edge of the Reading box. Mackie goes up the other end, cutting in from the left and looking to power a curler into the top right. Nope! That’s three rugby points. But this period of extra time promises to be quite an event, for it’s now or never for Reading.

7.35pm BST

What a shocker for poor Federici.

7.34pm BST

Sanchez cuts inside from the left, enters the area, and lashes a low shot towards the bottom-left corner. It should be easily claimed by Federici, but disaster for the keeper, who lets the ball squirt through his hands and between his legs. And into the net, at excruciating, tortoise speed. Oh my. What a shame for the keeper, and for Reading. But Arsenal are 15 minutes from the final!

7.33pm BST

ET 15 min: Ozil stumbles over the ball in the centre circle. Suddenly Pogrebnyak is romping down the inside-left channel, acres of space in front of him. But his shot, when he enters the area, is blocked. Arsenal go up the other end, and ...

7.31pm BST

ET 13 min: Ramsey, 30 yards from goal, sends a powerful daisycutter straight at goal. Federici is down to parry, and is very lucky to see the ball squirt behind him and balloon over the crossbar, the goal gaping. The corner’s cleared. Ramsey, not for the first time, was very close to reclaiming the lead for Arsenal there.

7.29pm BST

ET 11 min: Walcott comes on for Coquelin, Arsene Wenger deciding that a defensive midfielder is a pointless luxury with Reading sitting deep, seemingly already playing for penalty kicks.

7.28pm BST

ET 10 min: Cazorla lifts a ball straight down the middle, springing Giroud clear! The striker can’t latch onto the pass, and Federici, on the edge of his box, claims. The flag goes up for offside, but that was generous to Reading, the striker a yard on. Probably just as well Giroud didn’t slot that away, under those circumstances.

7.27pm BST

ET 8 min: But Arsenal are enjoying the lion’s share of possession, and therefore look the most likely to carve out a chance. Some space down the left for Sanchez, who reaches the byline and chips into the centre, but there’s nobody there in a red shirt, and Federici plucks the ball from the sky with ease.

7.25pm BST

ET 7 min: Arsenal pass it around a lot, but achieve absolutely nothing. It’s a patient display right now, if nothing else.

7.23pm BST

ET 6 min: A little space for Gibbs down the left. He makes his way into the area and threads a cross into the middle while falling backwards. Federici claims with ease. Arsenal look very pedestrian right now.

7.22pm BST

ET 5 min: Corner to Reading, earned off a couple of throws down the right flank. A dreadful corner is whacked clear by Cazorla.

7.21pm BST

ET 3 min: Space for Cazorla, 25 yards out, in the middle of the park. Three rugby points. A dismal effort from a brilliant footballer, a good chance spurned. Arsenal’s day in a nutshell. Arsenal’s day so far, that is.

7.19pm BST

ET 1 min: Mackie powers his way down the left, cuts inside, then slips a ball back out to the wing for Pogrebnyak. His pass is behind his team-mate, and that’s a throw. But there’s a sign of renewed - or is it continued? - purpose from Reading.

7.17pm BST

For the second time in 12 months, Arsenal are taken to extra time by a Championship side in the FA Cup semis. And we’re off again, for the first period of extra time! Arsenal are, once again, ready first. Much good it did them in that second half. Reading faff around in their huddle, but eventually come out to play. They kick off.

7.12pm BST

Karacan bundles Sanchez over, just in front of the centre circle. Cazorla lofts the set piece into the box. Giroud meets it, and looks to plant a header into the top right, but a weak effort goes straight to Federici. And that’s that! We’ll have 30 minutes of extra time, and it’s no more than heroic Reading deserve!

7.10pm BST

90 min +1: Gibbs probes down the left wing and wins a corner off Gunter. Ozil takes. Pearce welts clear.

7.09pm BST

90 min: Karacan comes on for Robson-Kanu. There will be two added minutes.

7.09pm BST

89 min: Mackie goes on a romp down the right, and curls a low ball into the centre, but with Pogrebnyak heading into the area, Szczesny comes out to claim well. Arsenal go up the other end, Gibbs making good down the left and finding Ramsey on the edge of the six-yard box! A first-time swing of the boot, and the ball’s flying over the bar!

7.07pm BST

87 min: And now it’s Reading’s turn to wonder what if? Pogrebnyak is racing towards the Arsenal box, with only Koscielny ahead of him, and Mackie to his left! It’s two on one, but the big striker elects to go on his own, and loses control as he reaches the edge of the box! What a chance spurned! Mackie has every right to be livid there. A first-ever place in an FA Cup final was within reach for Reading!

7.05pm BST

84 min: Arsenal hit the post! Eh? How? Ramsey, last year’s FA Cup final hero against Hull, breaks into the Reading box, after a Giroud pass down the left channel. He slams the ball into Federici, then rounds him on the left, and has an open goal ahead of him! Well, sort of: he’s faced with a tight-ish angle, and with Gunter on the line. He should still score, though. And Ramsey batters his shot against the left-hand post, from the left-hand corner of the six-yard box! Wow. A place in the final was there for the taking there.

7.03pm BST

83 min: Chalobah takes a stride down the inside-left channel, cuts inside a bit, and launches a dipper towards the bottom left. Szczesny makes a meal of the save, punching it round the post for a corner, which is easily cleared.

7.01pm BST

82 min: Ramsey attempts to sashay his way into space, running at pace past a couple of half-challenges down the inside-right channel. He’s crowded off the ball just before he breaks into the area. That was a run loaded with danger, though. So close to carving out a shooting chance for himself.

7.00pm BST

81 min: The crowd at Wembley hasn’t let up for a single minute. Bedlam. And no wonder: this has been superlative entertainment.

6.59pm BST

79 min: Reading might have preferred the free kick back there. They’d have been doubly annoyed had Ozil scored here, which he nearly did, latching onto a Sanchez pullback down the inside-left channel before lashing an effort towards the top-left corner a shade wide and high.

6.58pm BST

78 min: Mackie is bundled over by Coquelin, 30 yards out down the inside-left channel. Pogrebnyak bursts away with the loose ball, enters the area, and drags a shot across the face of goal and out of play.

6.56pm BST

76 min: Sanchez slips a ball down the inside-right channel for Giroud, but overhits it. Federici claims. Arsenal were dreadful for a period after the Reading goal, but they’re beginning to impose themselves again, albeit not totally.

6.54pm BST

74 min: McCleary robs the ball off Ozil in the centre circle, but only after standing on his ankle. No foul, never mind a booking. Mackie bombs down the right and wins a corner. Arsenal clear it, but only after a quick game of pinball in their area. Good luck in guessing which way this is going to go.

6.52pm BST

73 min: Ramsey is dragged back by Robson-Kanu down the Arsenal right. Free kick. Ozil takes. The ball’s curled onto the head of Gabriel, eight yards out. He’s got to score, but squirts an awful header miles to the right and a good deal over the bar too. What a miss! On another day, he’d be celebrating his second goal in four minutes!

6.51pm BST

72 min: Welbeck is replaced by Giroud.

6.50pm BST

71 min: A free kick for Reading down the right wing. Obita will take, his team-mates populating the Arsenal box in number. And it’s an appalling delivery, curled out of play on the left, over everyone’s head.

6.49pm BST

69 min: Or has it?!! But Arsenal win a corner, Ozil threading a pass down the left channel to earn a deflected corner. The set piece is whipped to the near post, where Gabriel meets it on the left-hand corner of the six-yard box. He belts a header towards the top left, and it would be in were it not for Federici arcing his back and sticking out a strong hand. Reading clear the loose ball. So unfortunate!

6.47pm BST

67 min: Mackie embarks on a rococo run down the left. He chases Gabriel to the byline, then cuts back and chips the ball to Williams, free on the edge of the area! If Williams blams that with any purpose, Arsenal are in trouble. But he screws a dreadful volley well wide right of the goal. Arsenal breathe again. Reading are full of confidence here. Arsenal’s has evaporated.

6.45pm BST

66 min: Reading claim a penalty after a cross is hammered at Debuchy’s arm from about two yards away. Needless to say, it isn’t given.

6.42pm BST

64 min: Gabriel comes on for a slightly limping Mertesacker.

6.42pm BST

62 min: The excellent McCleary lifts a pass down the right. Koscielny miscontrols, and nearly lets Mackie scoot away down the wing. He gets a lucky bounce, and the danger is averted as he wins a throw.

6.40pm BST

60 min: Robson-Kanu romps down the middle and flicks a little pass right for Pogrebnyak, who very nearly bursts through the middle and towards the area. But he miscontrols. Arsenal were lucky to get away with that, with their defence backtracking in a very uncertain fashion.

6.38pm BST

58 min: Arsenal are all over the shop at the moment. Not many passes finding feet right now. That goal really has shaken everyone in Wembley, one way or another.

6.36pm BST

57 min: Arsenal, collectively, looked stunned. Robson-Kanu makes off down the left and whips a ball into the middle. Pogrebnyak shapes to Zidane a volley home, 2002 Champions League final style, from the penalty spot. But Mertesacker eyebrows the ball away before it reaches the striker.

6.35pm BST

Well this all happened in slow motion! Pogrebnyak made it to the byline, to the left of goal. He chips it to the far post, where McCleary - Reading’s best player today - slaps a first-time effort goalwards from a tight angle. There’s a small deflection off Gibbs, and the ball squirts past Szczesny and into the bottom-right corner. The keeper clutches the ball in mid-air and kids on it didn’t cross the line, but that’s a goal. And the underdogs are right back in this!

6.32pm BST

53 min: Williams slips the ball down the left to release Robson-Kanu into space. Pogrebnyak is the only man in the middle, and the cross is launched high over the crossbar. That’s awful at any level.

6.31pm BST

51 min: Chalobah, in Ozil Country, tries a similar pass to the one that led to the goal. It’s a decent sliderule effort down the inside-right channel, finding Pogrebnyak on the edge of the area, but the big Russian is no Sanchez and can’t turn quickly enough. Arsenal close up all the gaps. But a decent move nonetheless. Reading should take succour from it. They’ll have to.

6.29pm BST

49 min: Free kick for Arsenal, 40 yards from goal, to the left of centre. Cazorla hoicks the ball into the box, and Mertesacker gets ahead of the Reading back line. He meets the ball at the penalty spot, but only with his back turned. It rolls down the number 4 on his shirt and harmlessly out to the left of goal, Federici shepherding it out. That was a real chance. Goodness knows why he met the ball mid-spin.

6.27pm BST

48 min: Cazorla has time and space down the left, and Sanchez ahead of him in the box. His scoop forward is obvious and cut out by Hector.

6.26pm BST

47 min: No top-flight side in the Premier League era has lost to a team from a lower division in an FA Cup semi. The last team from the lower reaches to beat a first-division side at this stage? Sunderland, in 1992, who did for Norwich City before losing to Liverpool in the final. A free kick for Reading in the middle of the Arsenal half. Reading load the box but Williams’ delivery is appalling.

6.24pm BST

And we’re off again! No changes. Arsenal are first out onto the pitch, and they’re left waiting a wee while by Reading, who eventually emerge a minute or so later. Arsenal get the ball rolling for the second period.

6.11pm BST

Half-time entertainment: Reading’s greatest day at Wembley, the 1988 Simod Cup final, a 4-1 victory over the much-fancied Luton Town. This footage is clearly culled from one of those early club-specific VHS productions, a singular voiceover, garish on-screen captioning, a gratuitously intrusive soundtrack of ostentatious Yamaha DX7 noodling, all that. Magnificent. The imperial phase of official club merchandise, in my book.

6.10pm BST

McCleary breaks down the right and nearly fashions a chance in the centre for Williams. But no. Chalobah is booked for a ludicrously late slide on Gibbs down the right. And that’s that for the first half. Reading will be glad to hear the whistle. They need to regroup after the blow of the goal. But they’ve been impressive on the whole. Arsenal, too long in the tooth to make any brazen assumptions, won’t be making plans for the final yet. The second half should be fascinating. No flipping!

6.06pm BST

44 min: Arsenal are pinging it around with added confidence now. A few triangles, and suddenly Welbeck is bursting into the box down the inside-right channel. He’s held up, just, but Debuchy is soon backing him up, and wins a corner down the right. Ozil’s set piece slaps Pearce flush in the mush, and the ball squirts off to the right of goal, not far from the target. The second corner is cleared by Pogrebnyak.

6.03pm BST

42 min: Reading had been doing so well, too, but there’s the difference between an in-form Premier League side and one struggling towards the foot of the Championship. A little frustration, as Williams clips Sanchez on the ankles, deliberate rather than simply late. He’s very fortunate to escape a booking.

6.02pm BST

But quality is always going to tell! Ozil makes a little space for himself in the middle of the Reading half. A gentle lift down the middle, and he finds Sanchez clear, in space, just inside the Reading box! Sanchez takes a touch, then another to send Hector sliding off the wrong way, and finally pokes the ball into the bottom left, calm as you like. What a gorgeous pass, and crisp finish.

5.59pm BST

37 min: Arsenal are looking a little frustrated right now. They’re passing it around crisply in the middle, but running out of ideas on how to move things forward, too. Mackie and Pogrebnyak are snapping at their collective heel, forcing the odd loose pass. It’s been a very impressive showing by the unfancied Championship side so far.

5.56pm BST

34 min: Space for Obita down the left, not for the first time in this game. He’s got four team-mates in the box, Reading having broken forward at pace, but the cross is poor and cut out by Debuchy. Reading haven’t given Szczesny that much to do, and yet they have looked far from impotent in attack.

5.55pm BST

33 min: Cazorla pitching-wedges a pass from deep on the right into the centre, for Welbeck to chase. The striker nearly gets to the pass, bombing down the inside-right channel, but Federici is out quickly to the edge of his area to pluck the ball from the sky.

5.53pm BST

31 min: Ramsey nearly opens Reading up down the left with a lovely turn and shimmy, but the Championship side close all the gaps quickly. The ball’s laid off to Sanchez, who drops a shoulder in the hope of getting a shot away on the edge of the D, but again the blue-and-white wall has no gaps. This is a resolute display by Steve Clarke’s side.

5.51pm BST

28 min: Chalobah slides a gorgeous pass down the inside-right channel to release Mackie in the box! Mackie’s shot is parried by Szczesny, and he’s offside anyway. And then he puts the rebound wide right. No goals yet, but this is a highly entertaining encounter, with Reading standing toe to toe with their Premier League opponents.

5.50pm BST

27 min: Cazorla plays a ball down the middle to release Sanchez on goal! Federici races out of his area and slides in. Sanchez pokes the ball to the keeper’s right, then stumbles over as the ball flies off, wide right of goal, safe from Reading’s perspective. Arsenal’s fans claim a free kick, but Sanchez, to his credit, doesn’t claim a thing. The keeper might have brushed his right toe, too, but that’s top-drawer sportsmanship from Sanchez, who could easily have gone down in an attempt to get the keeper in a lot of trouble.

5.47pm BST

26 min: Debuchy scampers after a ball down the right flank. He reaches it before it goes out for a goal kick, and whips a stunning up-and-down cross towards Sanchez at the far post. Sanchez rises over Gunter and sends a header towards the top left, but there’s no pace in it, and Federici gathers.

5.46pm BST

24 min: Gunter helps a ball down the right wing, where McCleary has the spring on Gibbs. He suffers a rush of blood to the noggin upon reaching the ball, though, and hoicks it straight into the crowd behind the goal instead of crossing. It probably made little difference, as he had no team-mates in the Arsenal area. But there’s a little promise down this flank for Reading.

5.43pm BST

22 min: Gibbs, Welback and Ozil ping pretty triangles down the inside-left channel. The ball’s eventually shuttled right for Cazorla, who attempts to curl one into the top left from 25 yards. It’s way off target. Reading will be happy to restrict Arsenal to long-distance punts.

5.41pm BST

20 min: Arsenal are beginning to impose themselves now, in terms of possession at least. Much as expected. They’ve still only forced Federici into meaningful action once, though.

5.40pm BST

18 min: Ozil whips the ball up over the Reading wall and back down, looking for the top-right corner. He’s got the beating of Federici, the keeper never getting there, but the ball’s just wide right of the post, and maybe a little high too. That wasn’t far away, though, a lovely effort.

5.39pm BST

17 min: Ozil turns neatly down the inside-right channel and slips the ball forward for Welbeck, who buys a cheap free kick by running into Chalobah. Free kick, 30 yards from goal, level with the right-hand post. This is a very dangerous position.

5.37pm BST

16 min: Ozil slips a clever ball down the left wing for Sanchez, who dances up and down the side of the Reading box. He lifts a ball to the far post, in the hope of finding the marauding Debuchy, but the cross is way too deep. Goal kick.

5.36pm BST

14 min: McCleary is upended down the right, five yards outside the Arsenal box. Free kick. Reading load the box. McCleary opts to take it himself. Welbeck heads clear with not much conviction. Chalobah meets the dropping ball, standing to the left of the D. His shot, a looper aimed for the top-right corner, is deflected out for a corner, which is wasted. But this is a very impressive start to the match by Reading, who look positive, confident and calm.

5.34pm BST

12 min: After that hectic end-to-end start, a welcome lull. And then Obita hoicks a long ball down the inside-left channel. Mackie’s free on goal! And he looks miles offside, so the flag goes up. Thing is, Mackie had actually bent his run to perfection, and Koscielny was playing him onside. Reading so unlucky, for that was a poor decision.

5.31pm BST

9 min: Reading so nearly conceded there, but they’re not sulking about it. McCleary makes good down the right and whips a cross into the Arsenal box. It’s not cleared, and Obita, bombing in from the other flank, meets the ball with a meaty hoof from just outside the area. It’s straight down Szczesny’s throat. A lively response indeed.

5.30pm BST

8 min: ... Arsenal nearly score, Mertesacker meeting Ozil’s delivery with a header, six yards out. He heads down towards the bottom right, where Federici scrambles a save. The ball’s blootered out for another corner, from which Mertesacker attempts an elaborate backheel. Nope! So close to the opening goal, though.

5.29pm BST

7 min: Arsenal knock the ball around, hither and yon, in front of the Reading box. The ball’s prodded down the middle towards Ozil, who can’t control properly. The ball breaks to Sanchez, whose shot from the edge of the area is deflected out for a corner on the right. From which ...

5.27pm BST

5 min: Gibbs, in a deep position down the left, sprays a ball along the flank to spring Welbeck clear! If the striker controls, he’s one on one with Federici, entering the area down the left. But there’s too much pace on the ball. He gets a little contact on it, but only succeeds in poking it past the advancing keeper and out of play, well to the left of the goal. But Reading hearts were in mouths there for a nanosecond or two.

5.25pm BST

4 min: Ramsey is down on the halfway line, Obita having accidentally prodded him in the eye. Nothing malicious in it, though that doesn’t stop the Arsenal player wearing an aggrieved look on his coupon. After a brief pad with the magic sponge, he’s OK.

5.24pm BST

3 min: Arsenal show in the Reading half for the first time. Sanchez finds a little space down the left wing, and sprays a diagonal ball towards Ramsey, in an attempt to send his team-mate scampering into the box. There’s too much juice on the pass, and that’s a goal kick.

5.23pm BST

2 min: This is a lovely, positive start from Reading, who win a couple of throws down the right, and keep Arsenal pressed back. Mackie looks to break into space down the right flank, but Sanchez nips in ahead, puts the break on, and earns a free kick, Mackie shoving him in the back.

5.22pm BST

Reading organise themselves in a pre-match huddle, then get into their starting positions, and we’re off! The underdogs get the ball rolling, McCleary with the first touch. Obita finds a bit of space down the left. He hooks a cross into the area, but Arsenal clear. Reading on the front foot early doors!

5.18pm BST

The teams are out! Reading are playing in their blue-and-white hoops ...

4.38pm BST

The team news. Pavel Pogrebnyak has been feeling his calf, but it’s not been enough to stop him playing in Reading’s biggest game for 88 years. Meanwhile a couple of big names return for Arsenal: Mathieu Debuchy is in at right back for his first appearance since January, while Jack Wilshere is on the bench having been out since November. Wojciech Szczesny, reduced to the status of Arsenal’s cup keeper, gets the nod in the nets.

4.32pm BST

Reading: Federici, Gunter, Hector, Pearce, Obita, McCleary, Williams, Chalobah, Robson-Kanu, Mackie, Pogrebnyak.
Subs: Stephen Kelly, Norwood, Cox, Yakubu, Karacan, Andersen, Cooper.

Arsenal: Szczesny, Debuchy, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Coquelin, Cazorla, Ramsey, Ozil, Sanchez, Welbeck.
Subs: Gabriel, Wilshere, Giroud, Ospina, Walcott, Monreal, Flamini.

4.00pm BST

What an FA Cup run Reading enjoyed back in 1927! The Biscuitmen, then as now a second-tier outfit, started in the first round against Southern League side Weymouth, with whom they shared eight goals. A 4-4 draw! And so a high-scoring pattern was set. Reading won the replay 5-0, then in the second round pipped Southend United by three goals to two.

Next up was Manchester United, not yet established as one of the game’s giants, a First Division side in name but barely in ability during the inter-war years. After 1-1 and 2-2 draws, United were dispatched 2-1 in a second replay, Frank Richardson the goalscoring hero in each match. Portsmouth were ejected from the competition in the fourth round, 3-1. Brentford made way, 1-0, in the fifth. Then in the sixth round, Reading won 3-1 at Swansea Town. They’d reached the semi-final stage for the first, and until this year the only, time!

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Wolfsburg v Napoli: Europa League – as it happened

Marek Hamsik scored twice as Napoli routed Wolfsburg in the first leg of their Europa League quarter final, making it a very happy 55th birthday for Rafael Benitez

9.56pm BST

♬ ♪ ♯ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rafa, happy birthday to yo-ooo-ouuuuuu. ♫ ♬ ♪ ♭ ♪

9.56pm BST

90 min +3: But it’s been an awful evening for Wolfsburg, who have been nothing short of appalling. Not a great week for German clubs in Europe, after Bayern Munich’s big defeat at Porto in the Champions League.

9.55pm BST

90 min +2: This has been a stunning display by Napoli, who have been thoroughly excellent from back to front, and have made a huge statement here tonight against a side who were fancied to win this tournament. Napoli really want this Europa League title!

9.54pm BST

90 min +1: There will be three added minutes. In the first, a ball’s whipped into the Napoli area by De Bruyne from the right. The excellent Perisic heads down at the far post. The ball nearly falls to Bendtner, but Britos clears, just in time.

9.53pm BST

90 min: Corner for Napoli down the left. A few clever flicks, and suddenly Ghoulam is in space. His lash from 25 yards is deflected high into the air. Benaglio, who has been jittery tonight, makes a song and dance of claiming, but he does so eventually, under pressure from the 5ft 4in Insigne. Dear me.

9.51pm BST

89 min: Sevilla have turned it around against Zenit; from 1-0 down at half-time, they’re now 2-1 up. It’s still 1-0 between Kiev and Fiorentina, and goalless between Brugge and Dnipro.

9.50pm BST

88 min: Defiant support from the home fans, who are doing their best to spur the home side on to a crucial second goal. But this game is petering out, with Napoli taking the sting out of proceedings in the professional style.

9.47pm BST

85 min: Another change for Napoli, as the excellent Higuain is replaced by Henrique.

9.46pm BST

83 min: Luis Gustavo tries to Gabbiadini one from 30 yards, but it’s well over the bar. He had Perisic in space down the left, too. And here’s the thing: for all Napoli’s dominance, a second Wolfsburg goal now would change things considerably, re-introducing the concept of hope into German lives.

9.45pm BST

82 min: This game has turned into a complete nonsense. Gabbiadini, 25 yards out on the left, launches a rising, swerving shot goalwards. It twangs off the crossbar at some velocity, with Benaglio all over the place, totally clueless at what’s going on.

9.43pm BST

Or is the comeback on?!? Perisic bursts down the left wing, reaches the byline - it’s a stunning, determined run - and whips a low ball into the middle, where Bendtner taps home from six yards. Napoli were snoozing there, which will make the birthday boy livid. A small chink of light for the German side. A very small chink of light, admittedly, but it’s something.

9.41pm BST

79 min: This is an absolute thumping. Rafa Benitez is a European genius. Maggio bursts down the right and stands one up in the middle. If Insigne wasn’t 5ft 4ins, he’d be heading that one in.

9.40pm BST

And with his first touch, the substitute scores! Insigne in acres down the left. He whips the ball to the far post. Gabbiadini rises above Knoche and plants a header down towards the bottom left. The wrong-footed Benaglio slows it down with a desperate swing of his right boot, but the ball apologetically crosses the line anyway. This is a rout. And Napoli deserve this lead. They’ve been as brilliant as Wolfsburg have been dreadful.

9.37pm BST

75 min: Hamsik won’t be getting a hat-trick. Napoli’s two-goal hero instead receives the personal ovation he’s earned, replaced by Gabbiadini.

9.36pm BST

73 min: Both sides are currently giving the very strong impression that they want this match to be over. Both would declare if they could.

9.32pm BST

70 min: Luis Gustavo has a snap shot from a tight angle down the right, fed through by De Bruyne, but Andujar is on hand to block. A great effort, and a great save. After which Guilavogui is hooked, to be replaced by Arnold.

9.31pm BST

69 min: Insigne, 30 yards out down the inside-left channel, sends a swerving shot goalwards. It’s heading into the right-hand portion of the net, and Benaglio nearly dives past it, going the other way, but adjusts mid-air, Billy the Fish style, and parries. This is getting desperate now. “Paul Sturrock a new entry at 3,” writes Simon McMahon. “Pele down to 4.” Have you made space for David Narey?

9.29pm BST

66 min: The Wolfsburg Arena is a very quiet place now. It could do with a song. Another verse of Happy Birthday for Rafa, anyone?

9.28pm BST

This is all over. Benaglio plays the ball out to Guilavogui, who plays an aimless ball towards the Napoli right wing. Callejon pounces on the piss-poor pass, bursts into the area, and squares for Hamsik, who sidefoots home from six yards. What a farce. That’s dreadful defending.

9.26pm BST

64 min: Schurrle, who has been busy if a bit rusty, and unfortunate not to score early doors, is replaced by Perisic.

9.24pm BST

61 min: Wolfsburg just aren’t on their game tonight. Vierinha dawdles in the midfield and is robbed by Higuain down the Napoli left. On another day, Higuain would have found Callejon bursting through the centre, but the ball’s too strong. A real sense that Napoli could strike the killer blow any time. It just needs one more quick break to click.

9.22pm BST

60 min: And now Napoli make a change, swapping Mertens for Insigne.

9.21pm BST

58 min: Wolfsburg make a change, the stunningly ineffective Dost replaced by Bendtner. The former Arsenal striker is nearly in the thick of it immediately, Schurrle heading a long diagonal ball from the left down at the right-hand post. But it doesn’t quite fall to his new strike partner. Napoli hack clear.

9.19pm BST

57 min: Hamsik makes a bit of ground down the right wing. He’s 40 yards from goal, out by the touchline, and tries to float one over Benaglio and into the top left. That effort is beyond ambitious. And beyond the goal, too, the ball sailing into the stand to the left of goal. But what confidence Napoli are playing with right now.

9.17pm BST

55 min: A few passes in the Napoli half by Wolfsburg. They probe this way and that. Eventually De Bruyne, 30 yards out down the inside-right channel, slips the ball inside to Luis Gustavo, whose long-range blooter is deflected away for a corner. From which, Caligiuri dribbles in from the left, and looks to curl one into the top right. Not quite. But that’s a whole lot better from the home side, who pushed Napoli back and actually got a couple of efforts away.

9.15pm BST

53 min: Mertens busies himself down near the left-hand corner flag, and squirts clear along the touchline. He finds Higuain, who can’t get a shot away from a tight angle but earns a corner. The set piece results in nowt, but the home side are living extremely dangerously. This quarter final could be over quite soon if they don’t raise their game, and quicksmart.

9.13pm BST

50 min: Schurrle has been busy down this right wing since the restart, making a couple of dangerous runs. He’s in space again, and fires a low cross towards the near post, where Britos very nearly slices into the top-right corner of his own net. That would have been highly farcical, as he was facing upfield at the time. But he gets away with it, the ball flashing out for a corner, which is wasted.

9.11pm BST

48 min: Napoli should be out of sight. Higuain is sent scampering down the inside-right channel, and again he powers ahead of the thin green line at the back. He’s free in the area, and looks to slot one into the bottom left, but his effort is blocked wonderfully by the strong hand of Benaglio, who has just kept his side in the Europa League.

9.10pm BST

47 min: Wolfsburg start the half on the front foot, Caligiuri powering down the left and winning a corner, the otherwise excellent Maggio having been caught on the ball upfield. But not for the first time this evening, their set piece delivery is arrant nonsense. Napoli clear, with an insouciant whistle.

9.07pm BST

And we’re off again! Napoli get the ball rolling for the second period of this first leg. No changes. Dynamo Kiev are 1-0 up over Fiorentina, incidentally, while Zenit are leading at the holders Sevilla. “Maradona has to be the best ever, eh, Scott? With Ralphie Milne a close second. Pele third.” Dundee United fan Simon McMahon there. And who could argue with his findings.

9.02pm BST

Half-time entertainment: Napoli’s bid for a second Uefa Cup / Europa League is looking good right now. Here’s a shot of them winning their first and only European trophy back in 1989. Ciro Ferrara skating on the margins of dignity there, his trouser arrangement proudly displayed for all the world to see. Diego doing well to avert his gaze.

8.55pm BST

So there’s the form book for you. Wolfsburg the hot team in the Bundesliga, Napoli struggling for goals of late. And look what’s happened. Wolfsburg can consider themselves unfortunate not to be on the scoresheet, and Napoli certainly got the benefit of the doubt with the handball decision on the first goal. But the Italians deserve their lead. They’ve been magnificent. This promises to be quite a second half, because the Germans need something, and Napoli look sharp on the break. No flipping!

8.53pm BST

45 min +1: Schurrle’s luck really is out: he drops a shoulder to cut in from the left and unleashes a rising screamer that’s heading for the top-left corner. Unfortunately Andujar is its equal, fingertipping the ball onto the crossbar and out for a corner, which proves to be a non-event. So unfortunate for the home side.

8.51pm BST

45 min: Caligiuri embarks on a determined run down the right. He powers into the area, and fizzes a low ball to the near post, where Dost awaits. But Albiol crowds him out, and Andujar gets down quickly to tip the ball away from the scene. On another day, it’d have fallen for Schurrle, rushing in, but it goes behind the striker and is hacked clear of danger by Britos.

8.49pm BST

43 min: Napoli stream forward calmly, Higuain holding the ball in the centre before tipping it to his left for Hamsik, who threads a low shot towards the bottom right. At full stretch, Benaglio tips it round the post with his fingertips. Superlative save, and a clever shot. The corner comes to nothing.

8.48pm BST

42 min: Another free kick for Wolfsburg, this time out on the right. Rodriguez loops it up and down and straight into Anjujar’s arms. Ah well, it cleared the first man I suppose.

8.47pm BST

40 min: Caligiuri cuts in from the left and, on the edge of the box, attempts to whip a curler into the top right. The ball hits the right shoulder of Britos. The home side claim a handball, but for the second time tonight that sort of decision doesn’t go their way. The ref got that right. The ball breaks to Schurrle on the right, and he whips a low ball into the centre, but Andujar is down to smother.

8.45pm BST

39 min: Inler slides into Caligiuri, rather clumsily, and is fortunate to escape a booking. That looked a sore one, right on the ankle. But it’s a free kick to Wolfsburg in a very dangerous position, 35 yards from goal, just to the left of centre. But again De Bruyne fails to beat the first man, with the box loaded! Hopeless.

8.44pm BST

38 min: De Bruyne tries to up the tempo for Wolfsburg, going on a high-speed slalom down the inside-left channel. He beats three men rather deliciously, but he’s got no support, Dost having taken root in the middle of the park. Eventually he loses possession, but that little cameo offered the Wolves some hope. He had Napoli on the back foot there.

8.42pm BST

35 min: Napoli are ripping Wolsburg apart down the flanks. Hamsik is sent scampering into space by a pitching wedge down the right by Maggio. He helps it on to Higuain, who enters the box completely unchallenged, but fortunately for the home side he’s faced with a tight angle. Higuain tries to Van Basten it home, but that’s wild and wide right. Wolfsburg really need to watch themselves here; their Europa League campaign is on a knife-edge.

8.39pm BST

32 min: Hamsik makes off down the right, reaches the touchline, and pulls one back for Higuain, whose shot from the penalty spot, on the run, is blocked by Naldo, rather brilliantly it must be said. What a block! That would have put this tie to bed, you would have thought. Wolfsburg go up the other end and win a corner, Guilavogui whipping a ball in fro, the right, Albiol powerfully heading behind. But all that occurs at the resulting set piece is a fairly lame Schurrle shot from distance.

8.36pm BST

30 min: Now it’s Wolfsburg’s turn to put a lovely passing move together, De Bruyne drawing a couple of dark blue shirts towards him on the left touchline before flicking a ball into space along the flank for Schurrle, whose low cross is hacked out of play for a corner by Albiol. The set piece is fired into the mixer, where Naldo powers a header towards the top right from 12 yards. It’s only just over the bar, causing the net to ripple, and fooling some of the home support into celebration. Not this time. But that’s much better from the home side, who started well only to capitulate in some style. The closest they’ve come.

8.34pm BST

28 min: A free kick for Wolfsburg down the left. A chance to load the box. The Germans are strong at set pieces - but they can’t do much if the delivery doesn’t beat the first man. De Bruyne has the good grace to look ashamed at his mishit free kick.

8.32pm BST

26 min: It’s all Napoli now. They’re winning every single ball right now. Another corner, this time down the left, comes to nothing. But the home side are now all over the shop, in a total panic, their Europa League challenge in serious bother already.

8.31pm BST

If there was a doubt about the opener, there’s no doubt about this one. This is a stunning move. Maggio performs a gorgeous drag-back out by the right touchline to fox Rodriguez. The full back committed, Maggio flicks a ball into the space vacated behind him for Higuain, who romps down the channel before curling a low ball inside. It’s perfectly weighted for Hamsik, who doesn’t break stride before opening his body and powerfully sidefooting into the bottom right from the edge of the area. As good a goal as you’ll see in Europe all season, and this is shaping up to being a very happy 55th birthday for Rafa Benitez.

8.28pm BST

21 min: A break as Callejon is down taking a little nap. All’s well, he’s up again soon enough.

8.26pm BST

18 min: Wolfsburg try to respond quickly, De Bruyne zipping into a little space down the left. But he can’t find anyone in the centre. The hosts seem a little shell-shocked by letting in the opening goal. They were well on top before Napoli struck.

8.24pm BST

16 min: Well, what a sucker punch that was. Happy birthday Rafa. And it nearly gets even better, Higuain chasing another long ball, this one down the inside-right channel. He manages to get a scuffed shot away from a tight angle, and it squirts past Benaglio, but it’s not on target, rolling slowly across the front of the six-yard box. Wolfsburg can clear up.

8.23pm BST

And after all that, the Italians take the lead! And it’s so simple! Mertens finds a little space down the left, as Napoli embark on a quick break. He drops a shoulder and launches a diagonal ball into the middle for Higuain, who chests down as he powers into the box, before flicking the ball into the left-hand side of the net! What a finish! Shades of handball, as he brought that down half with his chest, half with the meat of his upper arm. But he was being shoved in the back by Rodriguez anyway, so it’s six of one, half a dozen of the other. Great goal!

8.19pm BST

13 min: But suddenly Napoli spring into attack, Callejon sashaying down the right before sliding a ball forward for Maggio. The full back’s in the area, but he can’t get a shot away; it’s blocked for a corner that’s cleared easily enough. But that’s a little better from Napoli, who have settled into the role of the put-upon away side all right during the opening exchanges.

8.17pm BST

11 min: A second corner of the evening for Wolfsburg, down the left this time, as De Bruyne fires a low ball into the area. It’s hacked out. The set piece is headed out to Caligiuri, who decides to meet the dropping ball with a spectacular volley. His effort flies into the stand behind the goal at some speed, nowhere near the target. But Napoli are being forced to dig in here.

8.16pm BST

8 min: This is all Wolfsburg right now. Vierinha hoicks a cross into the Napoli box from the right, but it’s way too big. Then another phase of attack, and the busy De Bruyne is trying to work Maggio down the left. He can’t quite get past. And then another phase, and Luis Gustavo has a lash from distance, but it’s easily gathered by Andujar.

8.13pm BST

6 min: A free kick for Wolfsburg now, the best part of 30 yards from goal, level with the right-hand post. De Bruyne eyes it, but Rodriguez is the man who eventually takes it. And it’s a dreadful effort, an attempted curler for the top-right corner that’s well wide of the target. Andujar ambled across towards that in the half-arsed fashion, having it covered all the way. De Bruyne may well get the next one.

8.11pm BST

5 min: De Bruyne battles for a high ball down the right. He doesn’t win it, Britos getting there first, but no matter, because that’s a corner for Wolfsburg. The set piece comes to nothing, but this is a strong start by the home side, who are going for Napoli in a fairly roubust fashion.

8.10pm BST

3 min: Vieirinha makes good down the right with a lovely little backheel to himself, creating a bit of space. He whips a high ball into the area, Dost going up with Andujar, causing a little bit of bother. The keeper makes a nine-course tasting menu of claiming the ball, letting it drop near the striker before snaffling it. That’s the job successfully done, after a fashion.

8.08pm BST

2 min: Now it’s Napoli’s turn to get a feel of the ball, sweeping it between their defenders. A slow, steady, studied start to the game. And why not, there’s still a minimum of 178 minutes to go in this tie.

8.07pm BST

And we’re off! The home side get the ball rolling and knock it around the back awhile. A rare old atmosphere in the Wolfsburg Arena.

8.06pm BST

The teams are out! Wolfsburg, aka the Wolves, are in their green shirts. Napoli - known as the Partenopei, a reference to Parthenope, one of the Sirens of Greek mythology - are in their change strip of darker blue.

7.50pm BST

Wolfsburg are the form team in the Bundesliga. They’ve amassed more points than even Bayern Munich since the winter break. Napoli meanwhile sit fourth in Serie A, though their goals have dried up a wee bit of late: four blanks drawn in their last six games. But their last outing was a 3-0 hammering of Fiorentina, so perhaps they’re coming good at the right time. The Scotland manager Gordon Strachan has just likened their star striker Gonzalo Higuain to John Hartson, for his ability to hold up the ball and bring other players into the game. Some will no doubt laugh it up, but Hartson was a magnificent striker, one of the reasons Celtic made it all the way to the final in 2003. The poor guy was injured for the big game against Porto; Celtic missed him.

7.40pm BST

So the road to Warsaw begins in earnest here. No British sides have made it this far, of course, though Celtic, Tottenham Hotspur, Liverpool and especially Everton gave it their best shots. Next year maybe. It’d be about that time. Only two winners from these shores since Spurs lifted the thing in 1984: Liverpool in 2001, Chelsea in 2013.

But this one’s about Germany and Italy, two countries with even worse recent records in this competition than the English. Parma, poor jiggered Parma, are the last Italian club to lift this trophy; they beat Marseille in 1999. The Germans have been enduring an even longer wait: Schalke were their last heroes in this competition, doing for Roy Hodgson’s Internazionale in 1997. It’s been an awfully long time.

7.17pm BST

Verein für Leibesübungen Wolfsburg e. V.: Benaglio, Vieirinha, Naldo, Knoche, Rodriguez, Caligiuri, Guilavogui, Gustavo, Schurrle, De Bruyne, Dost.
Subs: Grun, Bendtner, Schafer, Klose, Perisic, Trasch, Arnold.

Società Sportiva Calcio Napoli: Andujar, Maggio, Albiol, Britos, Ghoulam, Callejon, David Lopez, Inler, Mertens, Hamsik, Higuain.
Subs: Rafael Cabral, Henrique, Jorginho, Gabbiadini, Insigne, Koulibaly, Gargano.

7.00pm BST

♬ ♪ ♯ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rafa, happy birthday to yo-ooo-ouuuuuu. ♫ ♬ ♪ ♭ ♪ There’s 55 candles on Rafael Benitez’s cake, and the man deserves a large sugary slice. He divides opinion more than he should, given only Nereo Rocco, Giovanni Trapattoni, Bob Paisley and Sir Alex Ferguson have won more major European prizes. He’s got a Champions League, a Uefa Cup and a Europa League to his name, the trophies won at three separate clubs. This competition’s been good to him; if Napoli go on to win it this season, he’ll match Trap by becoming only the second man to win it for a third time. Blow your candles out, Rafa, make a wish.

This competition’s been good to Napoli, too. The Uefa Cup is the only European trophy they’ve won, Diego Maradona inspiring his side to victory against a Stuttgart team featuring Jurgen Klinsmann back in 1989. They’re doing a fine job in this campaign, too. They’ve conceded the fewest goals of the sides that started in the group stages, just four, an average of 0.4 per game. How very Rafa. But they’ve also had the most shots on (77) and off target (67), have hit the post eight times, and boast the leading remaining goalscorer in the competition in Gonzalo Higuain, who has six goals.

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Some players do 'ave 'em

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LUIS AND LUIZ

It’s been a magical 12 months of high achievement for the £50m-rated footballer David Luiz. Last summer, he embarked on a selfless quest to relieve Brazil of the pain of the Maracanazo, which had nagged away at the national consciousness since the 1950 World Cup. And after performing one simple contemporary dance routine in Belo Horizonte, 64 years of pain were washed away in 29 minutes, as approximately 202,000,000 Brazilians completely forgot about Moacir Barbosa, Alcides Ghiggia et al forever, and started to consider another subject altogether, and in some depth too. Job done! Then there was his goal for Paris Saint-Germain against Chelsea, which he celebrated quite wildly, and no wonder, as he had joined the highly select and illustrious band to have achieved this feat in recent times against the parsimonious Londoners, lining up alongside the likes of Jon Stead, Ahmed Elmohamady and Ben Mee. And then … well, that’s about it. But that’s some top-class success right there! Some real good achieving.

REWARDED FOR INEPTITUDE? WHERE DO WE SIGN?

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