Menna Van Praag's Blog, page 48

Day 48 of 99 Days

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”

― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

This may seem like a silly little quote but, since it’s Sunday – officially a day of rest so we’re all legitimately excused from doing anything productive – you’ll excuse me. It’s true that on an empty stomach we can’t do much of anything very well. It’s also true that if you don’t dine well, think well, love well and sleep well you won’t be able to work well.

When I’m writing the first draft of a book I take especially good care of myself. I eat delicious food, I watch inspiring films, I get good sleep (although since Oscar was born that’s not so easy to ensure anymore) think positive thoughts and cuddle my husband often. And, when all my needs are taken care of then the words take care of themselves…

Pic: when I dine it’s on cake, which is a good excuse to post a picture from Choccy Woccy Do Dah. Oh, but I do love those cakes!

Day 47 of 99 Days

“Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind.”

― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

True happiness is indeed a state of mind. It’s internal and irrespective of circumstances whereas joy triggered by external events is momentary and fleeting. As I wrote yesterday, it takes time and practice to cultivate this state of mind. We have it when we are children but most of us lose it as adults and we need to cultivate it carefully and consistently if we’re to get it back.

To be happy for no reason at all, to be happy with yourself just as you are, is essential. Don’t be fooled into thinking that, if you’re not happy now then fulfilling your dreams will suddenly bring you happiness. It doesn’t work like that. Just look at the number of famous people suffering from addictions, probably because they despaired at feeling empty even when they had everything they ever wanted.

Cultivate happiness now, with your life exactly as it is. Do whatever it takes, whatever works for you. The practice of Instantaneous Transformation – essentially the practice of living in the moment – works for me. When I started, nearly 10 years ago, I was working at Starbucks (I’ve never worked harder or for less pay) and hating it, along with most of my colleagues. After my first seminar I stopped complaining and fell in love with my life. I hummed show tunes while washing dishes and scrubbing floors. Nothing had changed but everything had changed, all at once.

The gift – apart from being happy – is that you’ll then pursue your passion simply as a product of your happiness and not because of some great need, some gaping hole to fill. This, of course, will make both the journey and arrival at the destination full of pleasure instead of pain.

 

Pic: Instruction at the London Review Bookshop on Valentine’s Day but, in my humble opinion, one good for any and all days of the year…

Day 46 of 99 Days

“Sometimes it’s a sort of indulgence to think the worst of ourselves. We say, ‘Now I have reached the bottom of the pit, now I can fall no further,’ and it’s almost a pleasure to wallow in the darkness. The trouble is, it’s not true. It’s a matter of choice. We struggle to climb, or we struggle to fall. The thing is to discover which way we’re going.”

― Daphne du Maurier

I’ve been holding this quote back for a few weeks, knowing that it might cause a few waves of disagreement. But, now we’re nearly half way through the 99 Days, I think you’re ready for it!

I’ve said before that the first 10 years of my writing life wasn’t a particularly happy time. I was riddled with literary self-doubt and quite a bit of self-loathing thrown in for good measure. I did think the worst of myself and I had no idea it was a matter of choice.

Then I read a book called Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work and itr4 transformed my writing and my life. I started taking workshops with the authors and soon learnt that I did have a choice, to think well of myself or poorly. And, when I chose the former, both life and writing started to become a rather bright and brilliant experience.

Now, as those authors themselves are at pains to point out, you don’t have a choice until you realise you do. But, after that, whenever you wallow in the darkness (as opposed to true sadness/grief) it’s because you want to. There can be many reasons for that: you’re scared of failure/success, you’re punishing your parents/lover/the world, you’re addicted to drama, etc… I hope this isn’t you right now, because it’s a painful place to be. But, if it is, that’s okay too. We’ve all been there. And now you have a choice whether or not to stay. It takes a lot of practice to learn a new lifestyle. But if you want to, it’s possible. It’s up to you.

Pic: The London Review Bookshop, where I met Karen Joy Fowler yesterday. As I was taking photos a lovely woman offered to take one of me outside it. Why not? I’m afraid I didn’t find the guts to ask Ms Fowler if I could take one of her too.

Day 45 of 99 Days

“When people are happy they have a reserve upon which to draw.”

― Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m writing this post about love. All kinds of love: romantic love, self-love and, most of all, love of life. Why I’m really happy I find writing so easy and enjoyable. I’m practically giddy with words, unable to type fast enough as they flow…

I used to believe in the myth (as I see it now) of the great artist having a tortured soul. Now, I know a lot of them certainly did – Virginia herself being one – but, the more I learn about them the more I wonder if, when they were actually creating, they were happy. This quote certainly seems to suggest it.

For myself, when I was unhappy (being quite angst-ridden until my late twenties) I couldn’t write much and certainly not well. I re-wrote a lot and rarely finished anything. Happiness is a great reserve on which to draw. And, I find, happy writing creates happy readers. It’s no doubt true of musicians/painters/actors et al., too. Which, on Valentine’s Day, or indeed any day, is only a very good thing!

Pic: “All You Need Is Love” cake from yes, you’ve guessed it, Choccy Woccy Do Dah – I do so love that place.

Day 44 of 99 Days

“I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still.”

― Sylvia Plath

Why do you write/act/sing/paint/do whatever it is you love to do? Because it brings you more joy than any other activity? I hope so. Not for any expectant fame and fortune. Because it may be a good few years before you get any external thing from it. And, even then, it’ll always be the work itself that’s the source of true happiness.

I write to say what’s in my heart and soul, I write because I must, because, for me, me it’s the best and most beautiful medium for self-expression there is. I had my first book published when I was 31, which is pretty young really, and only after I’d written a lot of other books that will – probably quite rightly – never see the light of day. I was a waitress for 7 years before that first publication and I continued waitressing for another 3 years until I could write full-time. Of course, all those years, I never knew if I’d ever be published at all.

I’ll admit, I always wanted to be published. Even though the writing is the thing, I did want it all. My grandmother is a pure artist – a painter – who painted every day of her life until she went blind but never exhibited. I’ve often asked her why not but she always gives the same answer, that she painted purely for herself and never cared what the rest of the world thought. She’s my hero. I do care but luckily, if this whole publishing thing doesn’t work out, I’ll always have the words and the joy they bring me.

Pic: a happy reader (and friend, Virginie) enjoying an advanced copy of HOPE last summer. The first of many, I rather hope…

Day 43 of 99 Days

“I was filled with such a dangerous delicious intoxication that I could have walked straight off the steps into the air, climbing on the strength of my own drunkeness into the stars. And the intoxication, as I knew even then, was the recklessness of infinite possibility.”

― Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook

Possibility. Infinite possibility. Do you feel that you are capable of absolutely anything, creating and crafting your life into one full of joy? It’s interesting, how some of us believe in possibility and some don’t. And, of course, those who do live rather charmed lives and those who don’t lead staid and stifled lives.

I love Lessing’s description of how it feels when you are imbued with infinite possibility, when it’s pumping through your blood, tingling from the tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. When you know, you just know, deep in your heart and soul, that anything really is possible in life and you are capable of creating whatever you want – no matter how magnificent – in your life.

Of course, it’s all too easy to lose that feeling. But getting in touch with it as often as you can is essential when you’re embarking on great adventures. So do whatever it takes. Whatever rocks your boat. Tonight I’m listening to Ariel & Shya Kane talk about Instantaneous Transformation for a few hours – after that I’m full of infinite possibilities!

Pic: beautiful art also gives me a sense of infinite possibility. This is Bella’s Twilight Dreams by Ella Wolfnoth: www.ellawolfnoth.com

Day 42 of 99 Days

“You should write, first of all, to please yourself. You shouldn’t care a damn about anybody else at all.”

― Doris Lessing

This is true of any endeavor you embark on. If you look for approval you cannot be true to yourself. Which is true of anything you do. And, if you’re not being true to yourself, then what’s the point? Even if you’re successful you’ll only feel hollow, empty, with the very essence of you missing. Any amount of fame and fortune won’t matter because you’ll be a stranger to yourself. And that, no matter how many friends and adoring fans, is the loneliest thing in the world.

I’ll admit, when I started writing I wanted approval. I wanted readers to like what I wrote, I wanted to get published. Needless to say, this wasn’t a very enjoyable process. The writing wasn’t much fun because behind each word, at the back of my mind, was the question of approval. I second-guessed myself. I wondered and pondered. I was never able to let go. After that, even when I got the approval, I didn’t feel great because it wasn’t my true self/voice/expression they liked anyway.

I still remember the day I found my true voice. It was a magical moment. One of the best. From that moment on I just wrote for me, from my heart, exactly as I pleased. I no longer cared that I wasn’t writing great works of English Literature. I made myself happy. And, guess what? I made a few other people happy too. That though, as they say, is the icing on the cake.

Pic: I don’t have a golden notebook – in honour of Doris Lessing’s most famous tome – but this is one of my very favourites, made to order by the brilliant Ken Futers of www.booksnboxes.co.uk

Day 41 of 99 Days

“Every so often I bump into stone walls and I have to pick myself up and climb over them.”

― Vivien Leigh

Tenacity. I’ve written about it before, and I’ll write about it again, because it’s so incredibly important. Without tenacity you’ll give up at the first hurdle. Or the forth. Or the fiftieth. And there will be many hurdles and, the tricky bit of it is, you don’t know how many. It’d be a whole lot easier if you got a list at the beginning of your life so you knew in advance just how much tenacity you’d need to make it. Of course, that would rather defeat the point.

While I was wandering through the desert of disappointment – getting rejection after rejection for my writing – I loved watching films and reading books about people who never, ever gave up and ended up winning against all the odds, especially if it was a true story. But, even if it wasn’t, I was still inspired to carry on.

You know those actors who get paid outrageous sums to star in films? Well, if they endured years and years of obscurity before hitting it big then I think they’ve earned it. Because tenacity is a trait that should be rewarded. Along with courage, faith and hope. I do think they should give a good deal of it to charity, but I don’t begrudge them one dollar. Those film stars are an inspiration, a demonstration of what’s possible if you simply keep climbing over every stone wall you bump into.

Pic: the late, great Vivien Leigh.

Day 40 of 99 Days

“I attribute my success to this – I never gave or took any  excuse.”

― Florence Nightingale

Excuses are easy. Keeping your word is hard. But it’s the beginning, middle and end of everything. People will take you at your word, unless they realise they can’t and then their trust is hard to win back. This is true for you too. If you can’t trust yourself, if you keep saying you’ll do something then don’t, you will never lead the life you long for.

I admit, I never used to keep my word. I said “yes” to everyone (wanting to be liked) about everything then made excuses (often made up) at the last minute. I did the same with myself. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t lead a particularly successful or happy life. Then I learnt about the importance of keeping my word – with myself and others – and it transformed my life.

Your word is all you have. Make it mean something.

 

Pic: the late, great Florence Nightingale

Day 39 of 99 Days

“Never complain, never explain.”

― Dorothy Parker

I love the simplicity of this. It’s a fantastic mantra to remember while you’re engaged in the journey of following your dreams. It takes discipline not to complain or explain yourself but it’s very well worth it.

Complaining is so easy, especially when life doesn’t reflect your desires, and it can even seem to feel fun. Since most people complain, it’s also a way of connecting with others and sharing your burdens. BUT it’s also poisonous. Your words seep into your blood and bring you down. Instantly. You may not notice at first, as the shift can be quite subtle, but when you come to do something that requires lots of positive energy: writing a chapter, calling an agent, creating a business plan, designing your website, reaching out to prospective clients, you’ll find you don’t have the energy and enthusiasm you need. Complaining, however tempting, comes at a great cost.
When you’re starting out in your endeavours people will ask you what you’re up to. When you tell them the nice ones will nod and smile and wish you well. The negative ones will ask you more questions designed to get you second-guessing yourself. You’ll probably feel the need to explain/defend yourself. Don’t do it!

Complaining undermines your passion and joy for life. Explaining yourself undermines your self-belief. To succeed at anything you need oodles of passion and truck-loads of self-belief. So watch what you say because your words matter more than you might realise…

Pic: we drink our words – like the potion that made Alice shrink – and they empower or diminish us. So choose them carefully!