Menna Van Praag's Blog, page 44
March 28, 2013
Day 87 of 99 Days
“Some people can look at a mud puddle and see an ocean of ships.”
― Zora Neale Hurston
It takes vision to be successful at anything. You need to be able to see beyond the limits of what you believe to be possible. I used to have virtually no imagination so immersed myself in fantasy and fairy-tales and stole those worlds – snatches of Wonderland and Narnia – to add sparkle to my own. When I started writing my work was serious stuff, grounded in gritty reality, because I didn’t dare do anything else. Scared I’d never do justice to oceans of ships, I focused on the mud puddles instead.
Gradually I developed courage, in writing and in life, and I started to see and describe fabulous and fantastical things. At first I was cautious, my fingers tentatively tapping around the subjects I strove to capture. Nowadays, having removed my reigns, I have the most magical time in worlds where houses are filled with hope and literary spirits give advice to the living. With each book the ocean of ships becomes brighter the mud puddles evaporate. Find the courage to look and you’ll be amazed at what you’ll see…
Pic: a “box of smiles” arrived in the post this morning from my gorgeous friend Alice K. I love post & I love Alice 
March 27, 2013
Day 86 of 99 Days
“Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little scared, then you’re not doing it right.”
― Sarah Addison Allen
When you suffer a setback or disappointment it’s easy to shrink and hide, to pull your head back behind the parapet and slowly disengage from life. Often you won’t even realise you’ve done it, not until months later when you might notice how depressed you now feel, how the silver sparkle of passion and desire has deserted you. And, once you’ve burrowed down deep into your snug little hole, it’ll be harder and harder as time passes to prise yourself out. Because you feel safe down there, safe and snug and numb.
Happiness is a risk. It involves sticking your head above the parapet, reaching out your hard and exposing your heart. If you’re hiding away from the world you may feel the satisfaction of pseudo safety, but you won’t feel passion and joy. For that you need to connect with people, you need to put yourself out there. And that is scary. I used to think myself inadequate for feeling scared but now I know nearly everyone else feels the same way. Living a happy life then isn’t about stamping out your fears but using them as a barometer to check whether or not you’re living your life to the full: if you’re feeling a little scared then the answer is yes!
Little O with his latest stash of books…
March 26, 2013
Day 85 of 99 Days
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
― Ayn Rand
If life feels too challenging I remind myself that sometimes we need to be stimulated into action by adversity. Most social movements were the result of people finally getting fed up by being told what they couldn’t do. Emmeline Pankhurst wanted to be allowed to vote. Rosa Parks wanted to sit at the front of the bus. Sometimes we need to be pushed to the edge before we’ll take action.
As a teenager I was a passive young thing who achieved mediocre grades and went generally unnoticed at school. Then, one day, I had a history teacher who told me I’d never amount to anything as a historian. And, for the first time in my life, I was furious. I vowed I’d prove him wrong, I’d be the best and most brilliant student he’d ever seen. A year later I graduated with the second highest grade in England and won a place at Balliol College, Oxford. I was stimulated to greatness not by someone telling me I could do something, but by them telling me I couldn’t. I learnt then that anger, when properly channelled, can be a very positive thing indeed.
Pic: Snow in March – King’s College on Sunday.
March 25, 2013
Day 84 of 99 Days
“Aim at a high mark and you will hit it. Not the first time, not the second and maybe not the third. But keep on aiming and keep on shooting. Finally you’ll hit.”
― Annie Oakley (entertainer, 1860-1926)
Last night I was watching Figure Skating, gawping open-mouthed at the television as incredible specimens of woman and manhood spun and twirled and hurled themselves into the air. Occasionally they fell onto the ice and I gasped amazed, as I always am, at how they instantly return to their routine, swallowing physical pain and emotional anguish, to finish with aplomb.
I’ve always loved Figure Staking, perhaps because it’s such a beautiful metaphor for life. The skaters, like all sports people, have to aim at their marks thousands of times, overcoming fear of failure or injury. They have to commit absolutely and, if something goes wrong, they can’t take a moment to cry or scream or pout, they have to throw themselves – with perfect precision and absolute focus – into the next spin or twirl.
They remind me of what’s possible in terms of triumphing over the urge to have a temper tantrum, or wallow in self-pity, and instead keep living your life with full brilliance and passion. Personally, pouting when things go wrong is my natural inclination, so I need all the reminding I can get. Because one can either pout or twirl but one cannot do both.
March 24, 2013
Day 83 of 99 Days
“It is far easier to start something than it is to finish it.”
― Amelia Earhart (aviator, 1897-1937)
It takes a certain amount of courage to start something, to make that declaration that you’re going to do a something special and take the first steps to see it through. Beginnings contain good intentions. We rarely begin something thinking, as we do, that we’ll just give up in a few days if it gets a little difficult. Even when people make New Year’s Resolutions they do, for the most part, really believe that this time they will keep them.
The challenge is that we usually underestimate the amount of energy and effort it will take to complete anything. However, we also underestimate the impact giving up will have on our self-esteem. When we fail to finish something, especially something we really cared about doing, it matters more than we might think. Every time we quit we’re dismissing our desires and breaking our word with ourselves, thus inflicting a double wound on our fragile spirits. The trick is not to start things lightly, be it a novel or an exercise class, and not say “yes” before you really realise what it will entail. You’ll feel a lot better if you only start a few things but always finish them. Knowing you can trust and rely on yourself is a great thing indeed.
Pic: writing letters – a perfect mini project.
March 23, 2013
Day 82 of 99 Days
“The fascination of any search after truth lies not in the attainment but in the pursuit, where all the powers of the mind and character are brought into play and are absorbed by the task. One feels oneself in contact with something that is infinite.”
― Florence Bascom
Do you remember the last time you immersed yourself in something so completely that you forgot to eat, so absorbing was your project that hours flew by in moments and when the time came you still didn’t want to stop? For many of us this was probably when we were children and we have only a very vague recollection of the experience.
If this is the case, I highly recommend immersing yourself in something this weekend, whether it’s a complex cake recipe, a papier-mâché project or planting a flowerbed. The point is it needs to be challenging enough to absorb your brainpower (thus temporarily halting the merry-go-round of your mind) but not too challenging that it creates any kind of stress. I find total absorption in something much easier than meditation, with the added bonus that you have something to show for it at the end. And the few hours you spent free from thought will stand you in very good stead with whatever you need to do next.
Pic: Edible Earth Cake – the perfect combination of baking & gardening…
March 22, 2013
Day 81 of 99 Days
“It’s never too late to get back on your feet. Though we won’t live forever, make sure you accomplish what you were put here for.”
― Abigail Adams (politician & writer, 1744-1818)
Attempting to accomplish anything of significance will always incur numerous knockbacks and, more often than we might like, falling flat on one’s face. Indeed, if you’re currently involved in such a process and haven’t experienced any face-planting lately it’s probably because you’re not putting yourself out there very much, you’re hiding a little and playing it safe.
Learning to walk, my son must have fallen on his bottom hundreds of times but, of course, he was never embarrassed by the process. It’s a pity we learn to feel ashamed of our “failures”, that when we shoot for the moon and miss we feel a bit humiliated. I don’t know why we do and I wish we didn’t, I wish we felt extremely proud of our efforts, no matter the results, because anything that involves courage should be commended.
While walking the long and winding road to your heart’s desires it’s very likely you’ll have to pick yourself up over and over again. Very few of us have an easy and effortless journey to realising our dreams. It does seem a little unfair that we have to go through so much face-falling in life. I’m not sure why this should be the case, but I chose to believe we’re given challenges so we can learn to be courageous. Because, in terms of life lessons, nothing feels much better than being brave.
Pic: O doffing his cap as he whizzes past…
March 21, 2013
Day 80 of 99 Days
“Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing of all.”
― Luanne Rice (novelist)
Do you ever feel as if you’re waiting for your life to begin? Do you spend hours daydreaming of a fantasy future? I’ll admit that, from time to time, I do. I sit at my desk, taking a writing break, letting my mind dance around in delightful dreams of being on the NYT Bestseller List, winning an Oscar, buying two beautiful houses (one for my family and one for the charity for creative types I want to set up) and so on… And, of course, for any or all of those things to come to pass I’ll just have to wait.
Patience has never been one of my virtues. I don’t pace myself. Boxes of chocolates don’t last long in my hands. I don’t like to wait. But, of course, there are many things in life we have to wait for. Sometimes we wait for years, sometimes we wait forever. And this is the danger with daydreaming; it can make your present moment feel like being stuck in an airport lounge with your flight to an exotic location permanently delayed. But it’s all about your perspective. If you take care to love the life you have, to nurture and appreciate it, then waiting is no longer so frustrating. It can even become exciting, as exciting as the countdown to Christmas.
March 20, 2013
Day 79 of 99 Days
“Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us more effectively. Look for the learning.”
― Louisa May Alcott
I believe that difficult things happen so we can learn from them. I don’t believe this because I know it to be true – how can I? – but because, a long time ago, I decided it’d be the best way to look at life. In my twenties I had a bit of bad luck involving a nasty life-threatening blood clot and a chimneystack that landed on my head. At the time I was studying at Oxford and quite miserable. I loved the subject but the atmosphere was highly pressured (one of my friends dropped out, another had a nervous breakdown) and I soon lost my sense of self.
When those two accidents happened, instead of feeling sorry and wishing they hadn’t, I decided to see them as wakeup calls. It was time to stop taking Oxford University so seriously. It was time to put things into perspective. I started having fun, making more friends, helping other stressed-out students, doing yoga. I started writing fiction.
When it comes to life lessons, some of us only need small nudges and others off us need to be knocked – literally in my case – over the head. Either way, when life isn’t going the way you want it to, looking for the lesson in it can be a good place to start.
Pic: the cast of Little Women (1994)
March 19, 2013
Day 78 of 99 Days
“Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.”
― Maya Angelou
Yesterday I received some slightly depressing news. And, I must admit, I spent the day feeling rather sorry for myself. I stayed in bed (helped by the fact that I’m also currently sporting a rather hideous cold/fever) and moaned. I knew this wouldn’t get me anywhere. I knew it wouldn’t make anything better. I knew, in fact, that it’d only make everything worse. And yet, the pull of self-pity was strong.
Then my gorgeous, no-nonsense husband stepped in, with a few inspirational words of his own, to help me out of the hole. Yes, I’d suffered a set-back, he said, but that certainly didn’t mean I had to give up on that particular dream. On the contrary, he suggested, it was a sign I had to fight harder for it still. I called our two best friends who echoed his sentiments. I pulled myself out of bed and got to work.
Disappointments are a frustratingly common fact of life. My own life regularly doesn’t meet my desires, but I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who gently poke me away from self-pity before I sink too far. I do the same for them. Self-pity is seductive, wrapping its soft arms around you until you fall asleep, and you must be strong against it. If you sink into this particular feather mattress for too long you may never wake up.
Pic: Artur & O playing with a bin – laughter always puts life into perspective )
