Menna Van Praag's Blog, page 46

Day 67 of 99 Days & International Women’s Day!

“When you stop having dreams and ideals – well, you might as well stop altogether.”

― Marian Anderson (Singer, 1897-1993)

I worked in an office once, a depressing place where every person there hated their jobs and complained all day. They spoke of wanting to leave, though most had been there a decade or two. I befriended one chap who seemed to share my dream of becoming a writer. On tea breaks we talked about writing novels, promising and procrastinating. One day we made a pact to finally finish something: a first book. That night I began. The next night I continued, and the night after that. Hope surged through me, passion tingling at my fingertips when I picked up my pen. I was dreaming and, at long last, I was actually acting upon my dreams.

A month into the pact, halfway through my first draft, I realised that my friend had stopped writing and started making excuses. He was too tired, too busy, too something or other. I felt sorry for him. I cajoled and encouraged, I tried to inspire. But it was no use. I left the office and returned to waitressing, finding it much easier to write unclouded by facts and figures. I suggested he join me, but he didn’t want the late hours, manual work and unreliable pay. I finished my book. Then another, and another. It was many years before I was finally published but on that day I thought of my friend. I knew, though we hadn’t spoken in years, that he was still sitting in his office, talking about wanting to leave, believing he still dreamt of becoming a writer, but really having stopped dreaming a long time ago. And I knew then that when you stop dreaming you might as well stop altogether.

Pic: Tonight I’m dining at Downton Abbey. Well, almost… there will be a real butler & expert in Victorian etiquette, plus a delicious four course meal

Day 67 of 99 Days

“When you stop having dreams and ideals – well, you might as well stop altogether.”

― Marian Anderson (Singer, 1897-1993)

I worked in an office once, a depressing place where every person there hated their jobs and complained all day. They spoke of wanting to leave, though most had been there a decade or two. I befriended one chap who seemed to share my dream of becoming a writer. On tea breaks we talked about writing novels, promising and procrastinating. One day we made a pact to finally finish something: a first book. That night I began. The next night I continued, and the night after that. Hope surged through me, passion tingling at my fingertips when I picked up my pen. I was dreaming and, at long last, I was actually acting upon my dreams.

A month into the pact, halfway through my first draft, I realised that my friend had stopped writing and started making excuses. He was too tired, too busy, too something or other. I felt sorry for him. I cajoled and encouraged, I tried to inspire. But it was no use. I left the office and returned to waitressing, finding it much easier to write unclouded by facts and figures. I suggested he join me, but he didn’t want the late hours, manual work and unreliable pay. I finished my book. Then another, and another. It was many years before I was finally published but on that day I thought of my friend. I knew, though we hadn’t spoken in years, that he was still sitting in his office, talking about wanting to leave, believing he still dreamt of becoming a writer, but really having stopped dreaming a long time ago. And I knew then that when you stop dreaming you might as well stop altogether.

Pic: Tonight I’m dining at Downton Abbey. Well, almost… there will be a real butler & expert in Victorian etiquette, plus a delicious four course meal

Day 66 of 99 Days

“You can’t change the music of your soul.”

― Katherine Hepburn 

You can’t change who you are. Not the bone and marrow of you, not the deepest desires of your spirit and the passions of your soul. You can change the superficial stuff – the habits, expressions, the ways you’ve developed over the years. What you’ve learned you can unlearn, but you can’t undo your DNA. And our desires and dreams are bound up in our blood.

When I was younger, and full of self-doubt, I tried to change myself. Writing wasn’t a particularly easy profession to pursue, so I strived to shape my mind in a more sensible direction. Surely I could be something else instead? A teacher, a lawyer, a professional somebody? So I attempted to persuade my heart that it could be happy and fulfilled doing other things with its one life. I pushed myself painfully through a proper education, an Oxford degree, then applied for sensible jobs and even did a few them. But I was miserable and couldn’t convince myself I wasn’t.

When I gave up trying to be anyone else but myself, I was overcome with relief. Yes, I was scared too, terrified that I’d be broke and unsuccessful for the rest of my life. But, most of all, I just felt joyous relief. Of course, those years in the writing wilderness weren’t easy. They were long and full of rejection and disappointment. Ultimately though, it didn’t matter. For, as long as I’m playing the music of my soul, everything else is all right.

Pic: my gorgeous friend, Leah Curney, incredible actress & singer who’s first ever show was SOLD OUT! No surprise there. Here’s hoping she’ll do a repeat performance when I come to NYC in April!

Day 65 of 99 Days

“Nature never repeats herself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.”

― Elizabeth Cady Stanton (abolitionist, 1815-1902)

I wanted to be a writer because of Daphne du Maurier. I first fell in love with Rebecca. I memorised that magical opening: Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again… I spoke it like a mantra as I went about my teenage days. But reading that book, along with a good chunk of Shakespeare’s sonnets soon after, was both a blessing and a curse. The poetic beauty of their words, the sheer brilliance of their stories, inspired and intimidated me in equal measure. I longed to immerse myself in the written word for the rest of my life, but how could I dare to pick up a pen and stare at a blank page with all the greatness that’d gone before me?

For the next ten years, I couldn’t. The blank page, the intimidation, was too much. My words weren’t their words, I couldn’t create their worlds, so what was the point? Eventually I dared, but edited myself so endlessly I barely made it past page one. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I could write more than a paragraph. I was thirty before I began believing that perhaps my own self-expression was valid, that I didn’t have to be a genius for my words to mean something. It’s taken me another five years to fully embrace my personal style and to love it, without apology or excuse. Luckily, it doesn’t have to take you that long. Indeed, I recommend skipping my steps altogether and embracing your own beautiful, blissful, brilliant uniqueness right now.

Pic: Aura – my youngest reader – with her papa, Mark.

 

Day 64 of 99 Days

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

― Zora Neale Hurston (writer, 1891-1960)

Some days, some years, it can feel as if you’re getting nowhere. You’re doing all the right things, everything you can, to pursue your dreams but nothing ever seems to come of it. Naturally, this is often very disheartening and a great many people give up while in this desert. After all, if you’ve had no success for years you might think yourself a fool to carry on when all the world is telling you to give up. Everything about you is bleak and bare and you fear it always will be. But you can’t see the truth of your progress, you can’t see the oasis just over the next sand dune.

Successful people, in my experience, aren’t the most talented, they’re simply the ones who never stop trying, who never give up. Then, one day – dehydrated and sunburnt – they finally stumble upon their oasis. They drink and bathe awhile, enjoying the fruits of their long labours, enjoying, at last, “the years that answer”.

During all the years I wrote but went unpublished there were many occasions I questioned if I was good enough, if I was a fool to keep trying, if I would ever make it. Some days I felt nearly ready to give up, though I knew in my heart I never would. Writing was all I wanted to do, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, so I waitressed and waitressed, wrote and wrote, hoped and hoped. I stumbled through that desert for well over a decade until the oasis at last appeared.

Pic: The crocuses at the backs of Trinity College, Cambridge, this morning.

Day 63 of 99 Days

“You have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars and change the world.”

― Harriet Tubman (abolitionist, 1820-1913)

Do you believe you are able to do anything? Do you believe you can reach the stars or change the world? If you believe you can, then you can and you might. If you believe you can’t, then you can’t and you won’t. What you believe sets the limitations in your life. Some people set their limits at the stars, other people set their limits at the end of their streets and some, those very lucky few, set themselves absolutely no limits at all.

I believe we each have access to the same amounts of strength, patience and passion. Of course, we all have different talents, but our innate potential to manifest those talents in the world remain the same. It’s not a matter or intelligence or education. It’s not what you hold in your head that sets your ability to reach the stars; it’s what you have in your heart. Strength, patience, passion and self-belief are the determining factors in life. Luckily, and democratically, can each cultivate these as much as we wish. The stretch of our reach then only depends on our determination and desire to do so.

Pic: The Rosette Nebula in the constellation of Monoceros the Unicorn taken from the Herschel Observatory.

Day 62 of 99 Days

“If you hold your hand closed, no good can come in.”

― Biddy Mason (philanthropist, 1818-1891)

These days we hear a lot about the power of the individual, the potential we all have to do anything. I believe this to be true. But sometimes we think we have to do it all alone, we forget to ask other people for support, we believe that reaching out our hands implies weakness and failure. Just the opposite it true. To be open takes great courage. To open your hands, your heart or your mind makes you brave indeed. You have to look people in the eye, you have to connect and allow yourself to be touched by the kindness, beauty and generosity of another person.

Of course it’s easier to hide away from the world, to pretend you need nobody and nothing. You never have to risk your heart or your pride. You never need fear rejection or disappointment. You live it instead, you hold it inside; you wrap your arms tightly around yourself and lead a lonely life full of loss. No good will come in. But, if you can find the courage to connect, to ask people for assistance and advice, then the world will open up to you in turn and begin to shower its delights upon you.

Pic: Enjoying an afternoon tea with a fellow writer to celebrate the completion of our respective new novels – needless to say, lots of cake was consumed!

Day 61 of 99 Days

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

― Harriet Beecher Stowe (author, 1811-96)

I’m amazed by the passing of time. A year can seem to have vanished in a minute, especially in retrospect. It’s unwise then, to postpone what you want because, before you know it, the opportunity will be taken away. So, why do we put things off? Is our fear of failure, disappointment or embarrassment really so great that we let it lay waste to our dreams? Perhaps. But we also procrastinate because we believe we’ll live forever. We think that we’ll always have tomorrow to do what we didn’t have the courage to do today.

Failures fade and are forgotten, but regret festers forever. Regret will slowly wind its tendrils around your heart until it squeezes all the passion, joy and life out of you. Regret will leave you a shadow of yourself, until you no longer believe anything is possible anymore. If you let it. But it’s never too late. Every day you have a choice. Don’t waste it. Don’t wait. You may not have tomorrow.

Pic: the beautiful Pere-Lachaise Cemetery in Paris

 

Day 60 of 99 Days

“True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision.”

― Edith Wharton

 

Do you want to do something great but think you’re not great enough to do it? When you see incredible people doing incredible things, it’s easy to feel pale and inadequate in comparison. But most great people weren’t born great. They simply had the vision to see what might be possible and the passion, determination and courage to see it through. Of course talent is important, but tenacity is essential. You don’t need to change yourself to achieve greatness. You don’t need to act like someone else. Instead, you need to cultivate an expansive vision, one that doesn’t snag on limitations but sees endless possibilities.

Pic: Austrian National Library – what a vision!

Day 59 of 99 Days

“A person who has not done half his day’s work by ten o’clock runs a chance of leaving the other half undone.”

― Emily Brontë

Are you a morning person or a procrastinator? Okay, so these things aren’t necessarily connected, but I’m just making a point. Getting up early, before your day job if necessary, to work on your writing/art/passionate endeavor is a good demonstration of dedication. Of course, some people create well at night, but most of us are too exhausted at the end of the day to do anything truly inspired. There is something magical about the early morning hours. If you write (or do whatever it is you want to do) as the sun rises I do believe your words/work will be fueled by something extra special. And you then get to spend the rest of the day feeling satisfied by what you’ve already achieved. If you put it off until the end of the day, however, you run the risk of it never getting done. So, seize those early hours whenever you can!

Pic: An early morning view of King’s College as I cycled past a few days ago.