Barbara Pachter's Blog, page 12
July 17, 2014
Imperfect Writing for Perfect Results: First Things First
I write a couple of sentences and then delete them. Write a few more and delete them. It’s a constant, incredibly annoying process.
I always have to rewrite. Is there something wrong with me?
I was afraid to apply for a new position because it involved a lot of writing.
The above comments from participants in my writing seminars illustrate the frustration business people often feel when tackling writing assignments. But it’s not just participants in such classes who suffer from fear of writing. Putting pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard – can be daunting for many people.
I believe that, to a large degree, the frustration comes from people trying to create a perfect piece of writing the first time they sit down to do an assignment, whether it’s a business email or a complicated report. They mistakenly think that what they type should not need any correcting or rewriting.
Yet creating an imperfect piece of writing – a draft – is part of the normal process of writing. Yes, I said normal.
Once you have a draft, you can set about revising it. Most people find it easier to correct their writing than to create the exact wording they want the first time they try. Many well-known people, including professional writers, have expressed their understanding of the importance of writing… and rewriting.
• There is no great writing, only great rewriting. – the late Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis
• The first draft is a skeleton ... just bare bones. The rest of the story comes later with revising. --author Judy Blume
• I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter. – author James Michener
I describe the making of the draft as open writing. This term is easy to remember, as you basically open yourself up and let the words flow. Here are six guidelines to help you with open writing:
1. Relax. People have a tendency to get nervous and then agonize over their writing assignments. Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect… yet. One seminar participant told me that once the pressure was off to create a perfect draft on her first attempt, she was able to write.
2. Put the email address in last. If you are using open writing in an email, you don’t want to send the email before you have revised it, so leave the “To” line blank until you are satisfied with your message. If you are responding to an email, erase the address and add it when you are finished.
3. Write the way you speak. Most of us have no difficulty speaking coherently and clearly. When you write the way you speak, you are writing in a conversational tone, which helps you connect with your reader. Another advantage is that this approach often helps you to write quickly.
4. Don't stop writing. No crossing out or back spacing. You don't want to disrupt the flow of your thoughts. If you find yourself going off in the wrong direction, write yourself out of it. You will rearrange your wording later. Computers make it very easy to cut-and-paste. (This term survives from a time when writers revising on paper literally had to cut up their written phrases and paste them in the order they preferred. See how much easier we have it!)
5. Set a time limit. When you sit down to write, allocate a certain amount of time. It doesn't need to be a lot of time. In my classes, my writing assignments are only five minutes in duration, but all the participants write between half a page and a page and a half. That’s a lot of writing in just a few minutes. After my students have finished their open-writing assignments, I tell them that in the past, most of them have stared at a blank computer screen for longer than five minutes. Now consider how much they’ve been able to write in the same time in class. That is when the light bulb goes on for them, and they realize the value of open writing.
6. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar… for now. You will correct your grammar and spelling before you hit the send button or mail that document. For now, you just want to write.
Once you have followed these six steps, you are not done. Let me say that again: You are not done. Now it is time to revise your writings – but now you have something to work on, instead of a blank screen.
There are other blogs on my blog site that provide suggestions on how to revise. But just for now, know that you are on your way!
Additional information on business writing can be found in my new book The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success. (McGraw Hill). Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business writing and communication. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at jhoff@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
I always have to rewrite. Is there something wrong with me?
I was afraid to apply for a new position because it involved a lot of writing.
The above comments from participants in my writing seminars illustrate the frustration business people often feel when tackling writing assignments. But it’s not just participants in such classes who suffer from fear of writing. Putting pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard – can be daunting for many people.
I believe that, to a large degree, the frustration comes from people trying to create a perfect piece of writing the first time they sit down to do an assignment, whether it’s a business email or a complicated report. They mistakenly think that what they type should not need any correcting or rewriting.
Yet creating an imperfect piece of writing – a draft – is part of the normal process of writing. Yes, I said normal.
Once you have a draft, you can set about revising it. Most people find it easier to correct their writing than to create the exact wording they want the first time they try. Many well-known people, including professional writers, have expressed their understanding of the importance of writing… and rewriting.
• There is no great writing, only great rewriting. – the late Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis
• The first draft is a skeleton ... just bare bones. The rest of the story comes later with revising. --author Judy Blume
• I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter. – author James Michener
I describe the making of the draft as open writing. This term is easy to remember, as you basically open yourself up and let the words flow. Here are six guidelines to help you with open writing:
1. Relax. People have a tendency to get nervous and then agonize over their writing assignments. Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect… yet. One seminar participant told me that once the pressure was off to create a perfect draft on her first attempt, she was able to write.
2. Put the email address in last. If you are using open writing in an email, you don’t want to send the email before you have revised it, so leave the “To” line blank until you are satisfied with your message. If you are responding to an email, erase the address and add it when you are finished.3. Write the way you speak. Most of us have no difficulty speaking coherently and clearly. When you write the way you speak, you are writing in a conversational tone, which helps you connect with your reader. Another advantage is that this approach often helps you to write quickly.
4. Don't stop writing. No crossing out or back spacing. You don't want to disrupt the flow of your thoughts. If you find yourself going off in the wrong direction, write yourself out of it. You will rearrange your wording later. Computers make it very easy to cut-and-paste. (This term survives from a time when writers revising on paper literally had to cut up their written phrases and paste them in the order they preferred. See how much easier we have it!)
5. Set a time limit. When you sit down to write, allocate a certain amount of time. It doesn't need to be a lot of time. In my classes, my writing assignments are only five minutes in duration, but all the participants write between half a page and a page and a half. That’s a lot of writing in just a few minutes. After my students have finished their open-writing assignments, I tell them that in the past, most of them have stared at a blank computer screen for longer than five minutes. Now consider how much they’ve been able to write in the same time in class. That is when the light bulb goes on for them, and they realize the value of open writing.
6. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar… for now. You will correct your grammar and spelling before you hit the send button or mail that document. For now, you just want to write.
Once you have followed these six steps, you are not done. Let me say that again: You are not done. Now it is time to revise your writings – but now you have something to work on, instead of a blank screen.
There are other blogs on my blog site that provide suggestions on how to revise. But just for now, know that you are on your way!
Additional information on business writing can be found in my new book The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success. (McGraw Hill). Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business writing and communication. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at jhoff@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
July 9, 2014
10 Ways To Toot Your Own Horn At Work
A vice president recently told me that when he acknowledges his employees’ accomplishments, many of them belittle their success with such comments as “Oh, that was no big deal” or “What a fluke.”
Many business professionals negate compliments, often because they don’t want to be perceived as braggarts or as suffering from too big an ego.
Bragging is obnoxious boasting, and is usually done by people who want to let you know how great they think they are. This includes the technique known as “humblebrag” – its practitioners still brag, but try to disguise it as being humble or mildly self-deprecating. This is usually achieved by admitting to a minor flaw while really drawing attention to the big-brag item. (My favorite example: “I am such a klutz. I just spilled wine on my new book contract.”)
Bragging of any kind is not the way to impress colleagues, or bosses. However, I do believe that tactful and appropriate self-promotion is a business skill. Learning when and how to speak well of yourself is a key to getting and staying ahead.
Listed below are 10 ways to toot your own horn, including accepting compliments, without being insufferable:
1. Accept compliments. When I complimented a vice president on his handwriting, he responded, “Oh, that’s my pen!” When you negate a compliment (like the employees mentioned in the opening paragraph), you are putting yourself down. Instead, simply say “Thank you,” or “Thank you, I appreciate that” – and then shut your mouth.
2. Be visible. Get involved. Join organizations and volunteer for their committees. Participate in office activities. Volunteer to make presentations. If possible, write articles for your company’s publications. You need to make yourself known.
3. Be prepared. You may find yourself in situations where you have to tell others about yourself, such as when you are a new member of a group, or during a meeting when everyone in the room introduces him- or herself. Prepare such a self-introduction, and practice delivering it, so that you will be comfortable speaking about yourself. Keep it simple but positive, such as: “I’m Tom Smith, the new director in sales. John Jones brought me in to start the new field service project. I’m very excited about that, and expect it will take up a lot of my time for a while. But in my spare time, I enjoy being a Big Brother to my little buddy, Freddie.”
4. When asked, do tell. Someone asks you “How are things at work?” Don’t just say “Fine, thanks,” and move on. This is your opportunity to mention your accomplishments – and express genuine pleasure when you do. When I was asked that question recently, I responded, “I have great news. I was just interviewed by a national business magazine!”
5. Do not use superlatives about your own activities, unless, like Muhammad Ali, you can justify saying “I am the greatest!” Simply describe what you did, such as, “Using the new numbers from our field offices, I was able to cut our costs by a quarter.”
6. Use comparisons. I once coached a manager on how to use her experience preparing for the Boston Marathon as a way to answer questions about how she would prepare for a company’s market expansion. The comparisons were legitimate and helpful to her audience – and, of course, the higher-ups were quite impressed by the fact that she ran a marathon.
7. Enter competitions and apply for awards. Winning awards is a way for people who know you, but especially those who don’t know you, to find out about your talents. It builds your credibility.
8. Weave your accomplishments into conversation, when appropriate. I sometimes use my experiences to illustrate key teaching points in my classes, and by doing so I highlight my accomplishments. For example, when discussing how important it is to prepare for an overseas assignment, I will mention how I prepared for my trip before I spoke at a ground-breaking women’s seminar in Kuwait.
9. Post your accomplishments on your social media sites. However, be careful not to mention the same accomplishment over and over. You can overdo it, and this will make you sound like a braggart. Remember, there is a balance: You also must speak of other things, not just about what you do well.
10. Speak well of others, too. This is a gracious thing to do, and is usually appreciated by the other people involved. Plus, when you praise others’ achievements, your comments about yourself won’t seem out of place. (But don’t praise someone if it isn’t warranted. Others will know, and you will appear phony.)
Additional information on building your career can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, communication and career development. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
Many business professionals negate compliments, often because they don’t want to be perceived as braggarts or as suffering from too big an ego.
Bragging is obnoxious boasting, and is usually done by people who want to let you know how great they think they are. This includes the technique known as “humblebrag” – its practitioners still brag, but try to disguise it as being humble or mildly self-deprecating. This is usually achieved by admitting to a minor flaw while really drawing attention to the big-brag item. (My favorite example: “I am such a klutz. I just spilled wine on my new book contract.”)
Bragging of any kind is not the way to impress colleagues, or bosses. However, I do believe that tactful and appropriate self-promotion is a business skill. Learning when and how to speak well of yourself is a key to getting and staying ahead.
Listed below are 10 ways to toot your own horn, including accepting compliments, without being insufferable:
1. Accept compliments. When I complimented a vice president on his handwriting, he responded, “Oh, that’s my pen!” When you negate a compliment (like the employees mentioned in the opening paragraph), you are putting yourself down. Instead, simply say “Thank you,” or “Thank you, I appreciate that” – and then shut your mouth.
2. Be visible. Get involved. Join organizations and volunteer for their committees. Participate in office activities. Volunteer to make presentations. If possible, write articles for your company’s publications. You need to make yourself known.
3. Be prepared. You may find yourself in situations where you have to tell others about yourself, such as when you are a new member of a group, or during a meeting when everyone in the room introduces him- or herself. Prepare such a self-introduction, and practice delivering it, so that you will be comfortable speaking about yourself. Keep it simple but positive, such as: “I’m Tom Smith, the new director in sales. John Jones brought me in to start the new field service project. I’m very excited about that, and expect it will take up a lot of my time for a while. But in my spare time, I enjoy being a Big Brother to my little buddy, Freddie.”
4. When asked, do tell. Someone asks you “How are things at work?” Don’t just say “Fine, thanks,” and move on. This is your opportunity to mention your accomplishments – and express genuine pleasure when you do. When I was asked that question recently, I responded, “I have great news. I was just interviewed by a national business magazine!”5. Do not use superlatives about your own activities, unless, like Muhammad Ali, you can justify saying “I am the greatest!” Simply describe what you did, such as, “Using the new numbers from our field offices, I was able to cut our costs by a quarter.”
6. Use comparisons. I once coached a manager on how to use her experience preparing for the Boston Marathon as a way to answer questions about how she would prepare for a company’s market expansion. The comparisons were legitimate and helpful to her audience – and, of course, the higher-ups were quite impressed by the fact that she ran a marathon.
7. Enter competitions and apply for awards. Winning awards is a way for people who know you, but especially those who don’t know you, to find out about your talents. It builds your credibility.
8. Weave your accomplishments into conversation, when appropriate. I sometimes use my experiences to illustrate key teaching points in my classes, and by doing so I highlight my accomplishments. For example, when discussing how important it is to prepare for an overseas assignment, I will mention how I prepared for my trip before I spoke at a ground-breaking women’s seminar in Kuwait.
9. Post your accomplishments on your social media sites. However, be careful not to mention the same accomplishment over and over. You can overdo it, and this will make you sound like a braggart. Remember, there is a balance: You also must speak of other things, not just about what you do well.
10. Speak well of others, too. This is a gracious thing to do, and is usually appreciated by the other people involved. Plus, when you praise others’ achievements, your comments about yourself won’t seem out of place. (But don’t praise someone if it isn’t warranted. Others will know, and you will appear phony.)
Additional information on building your career can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, communication and career development. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
July 1, 2014
Do Not Use Contractions. (Don’t Worry, I Didn’t Mean It!)
During a recent conversation with a colleague, I mentioned that my next blog was going to be on contractions. Most of her response I can’t repeat, but basically she said that when she was growing up, her teachers drilled into her brain that she should never use contractions in her writings. They were too informal and sloppy, her teachers maintained.
Many people in my writing seminars tell me similar stories.
A contraction, according to the Gregg Reference Manual, a respected writing resource, is “a shortened form of a word or phrase in which an apostrophe indicates the omitted letters or words: for example, don’t for do not.”
My response to my colleague and to the participants in my seminars is always the same: "Why can't we use contractions? We use them when we speak, so why isn't it okay to write with them?”
A primary goal of writing is to connect with your reader, and your choice of words helps to make that connection. There aren't any non-verbal clues to help make your point when you email someone – the reader doesn't see the smile on your face or hear the friendly tone of your voice. (Yes, I know there are emoticons, but I do not encourage their use in business writing.)
Using contractions helps you to convey a conversational tone. It makes the communication sound more personal and friendly, and less like a directive. Listen to the difference: “Let's go to the conference on Monday,” or, “Let us go to the conference on Monday.” Don’t you think the second version sounds rather stilted?
Here are my suggestions for using contractions successfully in business writing:
1. Think about your use of contractions. It may not be first on your list of business concerns, but the quality of your writing is important. Do you use contractions? One of my interns had the courage to point out to me that I used contractions a lot. I hadn't realized just how much until she said something. I really valued that feedback.
2. Do not overuse them. Just because you can use contractions in your writing in today's business world, doesn't mean you should always use them. Read your documents out loud to hear how your use of contractions sounds. If your writings sound choppy, chances are you are using too many contractions.
3. Avoid excessively casual contractions. Some contractions sound sloppy. For example: "You'd" for "you would," or “she’s” for “she has.” I recommend not using them in business writing. And please, don’t ever be tempted by double contractions, such as "shouldn’t’ve" for "should not have."
4. Know what your boss prefers. If your boss does not want you to use contractions, don't! This is not (isn't) rocket science, and is not worth fighting over.
5. Understand the difference between it's and its. A common mistake involves the difference between "it's" – which is the contraction for "it is" – and the possessive "its." The way to remember the difference between them is that the apostrophe in "it's" means something is missing. If you aren’t sure, read your sentence aloud and then substitute the non-contraction form (in this case, “it is”) to see whether it still makes sense. (It’s time to put the pencil in its case, for example. If you had an erroneous apostrophe in the second its, the sentence wouldn’t make sense.) People often use the wrong form in their writings, and others love to point out their mistakes. Don't give them the opportunity!
Your use of contractions may not seem like a big deal, but it is one of the many little things that can impact your writings, and therefore worthy of your attention. Additional information on business writing can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill).
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business writing and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
Many people in my writing seminars tell me similar stories.
A contraction, according to the Gregg Reference Manual, a respected writing resource, is “a shortened form of a word or phrase in which an apostrophe indicates the omitted letters or words: for example, don’t for do not.”
My response to my colleague and to the participants in my seminars is always the same: "Why can't we use contractions? We use them when we speak, so why isn't it okay to write with them?”
A primary goal of writing is to connect with your reader, and your choice of words helps to make that connection. There aren't any non-verbal clues to help make your point when you email someone – the reader doesn't see the smile on your face or hear the friendly tone of your voice. (Yes, I know there are emoticons, but I do not encourage their use in business writing.)
Using contractions helps you to convey a conversational tone. It makes the communication sound more personal and friendly, and less like a directive. Listen to the difference: “Let's go to the conference on Monday,” or, “Let us go to the conference on Monday.” Don’t you think the second version sounds rather stilted?
Here are my suggestions for using contractions successfully in business writing:
1. Think about your use of contractions. It may not be first on your list of business concerns, but the quality of your writing is important. Do you use contractions? One of my interns had the courage to point out to me that I used contractions a lot. I hadn't realized just how much until she said something. I really valued that feedback.
2. Do not overuse them. Just because you can use contractions in your writing in today's business world, doesn't mean you should always use them. Read your documents out loud to hear how your use of contractions sounds. If your writings sound choppy, chances are you are using too many contractions.
3. Avoid excessively casual contractions. Some contractions sound sloppy. For example: "You'd" for "you would," or “she’s” for “she has.” I recommend not using them in business writing. And please, don’t ever be tempted by double contractions, such as "shouldn’t’ve" for "should not have."
4. Know what your boss prefers. If your boss does not want you to use contractions, don't! This is not (isn't) rocket science, and is not worth fighting over.5. Understand the difference between it's and its. A common mistake involves the difference between "it's" – which is the contraction for "it is" – and the possessive "its." The way to remember the difference between them is that the apostrophe in "it's" means something is missing. If you aren’t sure, read your sentence aloud and then substitute the non-contraction form (in this case, “it is”) to see whether it still makes sense. (It’s time to put the pencil in its case, for example. If you had an erroneous apostrophe in the second its, the sentence wouldn’t make sense.) People often use the wrong form in their writings, and others love to point out their mistakes. Don't give them the opportunity!
Your use of contractions may not seem like a big deal, but it is one of the many little things that can impact your writings, and therefore worthy of your attention. Additional information on business writing can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw Hill).
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business writing and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
June 12, 2014
9 Guidelines for Posting Your Photograph on Social Media Sites
I couldn't make out his face.
She looks completely different from her photo.
I couldn't believe she had sunglasses on her head!
The comments above were made about photographs accompanying profiles on LinkedIn. Unfortunately, many businesspeople post photographs of themselves on LinkedIn and other social media sites that detract from their professionalism.
I have written about this before, but it’s a message that bears repeating: Your professional image is conveyed through your photograph. It’s part of the first impression you make on others. You should post a photograph that is professionally appropriate, and makes you look like a credible, approachable person – not like someone who just came from the beach.
In another life, I was a professional photographer – the first woman photographer at what was then one of the largest ten newspapers in the country – so I offer the following as my recommended guidelines for photographs used in any professional context:
1. Post a headshot. This type of photograph highlights your head/face, but often shows your shoulders and part of your chest. People can see you clearly in this type of shot. Avoid posting an environmental portrait, one that places you in a setting that relates to your profession, as your face is usually a smaller part of such a photograph. These pictures are often used as additional photos on a website, and are not recommended for headshot postings.
2. Choose a photo that flatters you. Sounds obvious, but people don’t always pay attention to their choices. I am not suggesting you need a glamour shot, but you should look like a competent professional in the photograph.
3. Use a clear, uncluttered background that is well lit. There shouldn't be any dark shadows obscuring your face. People must be able to see you clearly.
4. Make sure your face is in focus. The background may be slightly out of focus, but your features need to be sharp, not blurred. Let people see your eyes. Wearing dark glass hides them.
5. Wear appropriate professional or business-casual attire. Appear as you usually would in a business situation. This may mean that you are freshly shaven, or wearing make-up and jewelry. Do not let your accessories (earrings, necklace, glasses) overpower your headshot. Additional information on business dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).
6. Look at the camera and keep your head straight. Women have a tendency to tilt their heads. Why? I don’t know. But I do believe they look less self-assured when they do.
7. Have a pleasant facial expression. If you are frowning or scowling, why would I want to hire or work with you?
8. Look like your photograph. If your photo is more than 8 to 10 years old, people may be very surprised when they meet you. If you had long hair in your photo and now have short hair, people may not recognize you.
9. Hire a professional photographer. If all of this seems overwhelming, hire someone who takes photos for a living. It’s worth the investment.
It had been almost 10 years since my last corporate headshot was taken, so I decided to practice what I preach – I hired a professional photographer (Maria Martins of Unique Imagery) to take my new photograph. Let me know what you think.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
She looks completely different from her photo.
I couldn't believe she had sunglasses on her head!
The comments above were made about photographs accompanying profiles on LinkedIn. Unfortunately, many businesspeople post photographs of themselves on LinkedIn and other social media sites that detract from their professionalism.
I have written about this before, but it’s a message that bears repeating: Your professional image is conveyed through your photograph. It’s part of the first impression you make on others. You should post a photograph that is professionally appropriate, and makes you look like a credible, approachable person – not like someone who just came from the beach.
In another life, I was a professional photographer – the first woman photographer at what was then one of the largest ten newspapers in the country – so I offer the following as my recommended guidelines for photographs used in any professional context:
1. Post a headshot. This type of photograph highlights your head/face, but often shows your shoulders and part of your chest. People can see you clearly in this type of shot. Avoid posting an environmental portrait, one that places you in a setting that relates to your profession, as your face is usually a smaller part of such a photograph. These pictures are often used as additional photos on a website, and are not recommended for headshot postings.
2. Choose a photo that flatters you. Sounds obvious, but people don’t always pay attention to their choices. I am not suggesting you need a glamour shot, but you should look like a competent professional in the photograph.
3. Use a clear, uncluttered background that is well lit. There shouldn't be any dark shadows obscuring your face. People must be able to see you clearly.
4. Make sure your face is in focus. The background may be slightly out of focus, but your features need to be sharp, not blurred. Let people see your eyes. Wearing dark glass hides them.
5. Wear appropriate professional or business-casual attire. Appear as you usually would in a business situation. This may mean that you are freshly shaven, or wearing make-up and jewelry. Do not let your accessories (earrings, necklace, glasses) overpower your headshot. Additional information on business dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success (McGraw-Hill).
6. Look at the camera and keep your head straight. Women have a tendency to tilt their heads. Why? I don’t know. But I do believe they look less self-assured when they do.
7. Have a pleasant facial expression. If you are frowning or scowling, why would I want to hire or work with you?
8. Look like your photograph. If your photo is more than 8 to 10 years old, people may be very surprised when they meet you. If you had long hair in your photo and now have short hair, people may not recognize you.
9. Hire a professional photographer. If all of this seems overwhelming, hire someone who takes photos for a living. It’s worth the investment.It had been almost 10 years since my last corporate headshot was taken, so I decided to practice what I preach – I hired a professional photographer (Maria Martins of Unique Imagery) to take my new photograph. Let me know what you think.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
May 28, 2014
Are You Too Polite? Learn the Three Faces of Communication
Can you be too nice?
A woman in one of my seminars asked if it were possible for her to be “too nice” when interacting with her employees. She told me that she often felt invisible with them. Since I teach etiquette, some of you may be surprised that I answered “Yes, you can be too nice.” Let me explain.
A few years ago I created The Three Faces of Communication model to help people understand their communication style. Everyone falls somewhere along the spectrum of Too Nice, Polite and Powerful, and The Tough One.
Do you know where you are on this continuum?
Discovering your style of communicating with others can help you gain awareness of your behavior, and encourage you to move towards the “polite and powerful” middle. As you review the descriptions below, you probably won’t identify with all of the characteristics of any one style, but you most likely have more of one style than another. (Although I discuss boss-employee relationships throughout this blog, the styles outlined apply to all types of interactions.)
Too Nice: Much like the woman in my seminar, you are overly friendly with your employees, and as a result they don’t take you as seriously as they should. You find it difficult to reprimand others when their performance is unacceptable, so you postpone any discussion, sugarcoat it, or pretend there is no problem. Since you are so friendly and unassertive, you have to ask again and again to get things done. You have a tendency to smile too much, beat around the bush, use passive language (I was just wondering… Would you perhaps...), and apologize for things that aren't your fault, such as “I’m so sorry that you had a difficult time with the project.”
The Tough One: You are not friendly at all with your employees, and seldom socialize or make any small talk with them. You rarely bother to say “hello” or “goodbye.” You’re incredibly demanding, and problems can go unresolved because your employees avoid talking to you or telling you the truth. You rarely smile, yet you interrupt others, speak loudly, and curse when angry. You’re aggressive in your language, and say such things as, “Don’t bother me with your questions!” or “Find a way to do it, damn it!” (Learn the power of greetings in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette. )
Polite and Powerful: You are polite – you don’t yell or swear. You’re powerful – you speak clearly, calmly and directly. You don’t love conflict, but you know how to handle and resolve it. You are available to your employees, and spend some time getting to know them. You are not wishy-washy with your language, and will use assertive statements when appropriate, such as, “I need this by 3 p.m.” You want your employees to work hard, yet you are fair, and will recognize them for a job well done.
Spend some time reviewing your interactions with others. Knowing how to communicate successfully is key to your career success. Additional information can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation. Other actions to take if you want to adapt your style include taking an assertiveness class, and listening to the messages you leave on others’ voicemail (before you send them) to learn your word choices.
Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on assertive communication and conflict. Contact Joyce Hoff for more information: (joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141)
A woman in one of my seminars asked if it were possible for her to be “too nice” when interacting with her employees. She told me that she often felt invisible with them. Since I teach etiquette, some of you may be surprised that I answered “Yes, you can be too nice.” Let me explain.
A few years ago I created The Three Faces of Communication model to help people understand their communication style. Everyone falls somewhere along the spectrum of Too Nice, Polite and Powerful, and The Tough One.
Do you know where you are on this continuum?
Discovering your style of communicating with others can help you gain awareness of your behavior, and encourage you to move towards the “polite and powerful” middle. As you review the descriptions below, you probably won’t identify with all of the characteristics of any one style, but you most likely have more of one style than another. (Although I discuss boss-employee relationships throughout this blog, the styles outlined apply to all types of interactions.) Too Nice: Much like the woman in my seminar, you are overly friendly with your employees, and as a result they don’t take you as seriously as they should. You find it difficult to reprimand others when their performance is unacceptable, so you postpone any discussion, sugarcoat it, or pretend there is no problem. Since you are so friendly and unassertive, you have to ask again and again to get things done. You have a tendency to smile too much, beat around the bush, use passive language (I was just wondering… Would you perhaps...), and apologize for things that aren't your fault, such as “I’m so sorry that you had a difficult time with the project.”
The Tough One: You are not friendly at all with your employees, and seldom socialize or make any small talk with them. You rarely bother to say “hello” or “goodbye.” You’re incredibly demanding, and problems can go unresolved because your employees avoid talking to you or telling you the truth. You rarely smile, yet you interrupt others, speak loudly, and curse when angry. You’re aggressive in your language, and say such things as, “Don’t bother me with your questions!” or “Find a way to do it, damn it!” (Learn the power of greetings in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette. )
Polite and Powerful: You are polite – you don’t yell or swear. You’re powerful – you speak clearly, calmly and directly. You don’t love conflict, but you know how to handle and resolve it. You are available to your employees, and spend some time getting to know them. You are not wishy-washy with your language, and will use assertive statements when appropriate, such as, “I need this by 3 p.m.” You want your employees to work hard, yet you are fair, and will recognize them for a job well done.
Spend some time reviewing your interactions with others. Knowing how to communicate successfully is key to your career success. Additional information can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation. Other actions to take if you want to adapt your style include taking an assertiveness class, and listening to the messages you leave on others’ voicemail (before you send them) to learn your word choices.
Pachter & Associates provides seminars and coaching on assertive communication and conflict. Contact Joyce Hoff for more information: (joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141)
May 12, 2014
Don’t Write That! 3 Tips to Avoid Yelling at Your Reader
A woman in one of my writing seminars sent the email below to her teammates:
She said that she had chosen to use a bold font in 30-point red type to get people’s attention. She did – but not in a good way. Her teammates didn't like that her chosen techniques for emphasis – the large type, use of a bright color, and bold font style – made her appear to be screaming at them. As a result, her boss sent her to my class!
Before computers, when business communicators used typewriters to compose letters, they could emphasize words either by typing in all capital letters or by underlining the words.
Word-processing changed all that. Writers now have a variety of options to highlight words or to visually enhance a document, including bold, italic, underline, different fonts, and color.
Having so many choices can be confusing, or even inhibiting. To be effective, and to make your documents easy to read, follow these three guidelines:
1. Avoid having your documents look like “The Ransom Note Style of Letter.”
That is, you don’t want your correspondence to look as though you cut words and phrases out of different magazines. Use emphasis techniques sparingly. All of these techniques have a role to play – but not all at once. Generally, bold type is used for headings, subheads, and bullet points in a list. Though italics usually is the preferred choice, both italics and underlining may be used for specific emphasis of a word or phrase, and to denote titles of literary and artistic works. (Check an up-to-date style manual for expanded guidelines.)
2. Choose an easy-to-read font style, type size, and color. Using large type sizes, very small type, and different colors make it difficult for people to read your message quickly. Generally, it is best to use 10- or 12-point type and an easy to read font, such as Arial, Calibri, Times New Roman, Verdana or Georgia. Black or dark blue type color is best for email.
3. Avoid writing text in all capital letters. Using all capital letters is the written equivalent of shouting. What’s more, it is difficult to read. Don’t use all lowercase letters, either; that, too, is hard to read. All caps may be used for headings, or the occasional word for emphasis.
Additional information on effective communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication and business etiquette. Contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
She said that she had chosen to use a bold font in 30-point red type to get people’s attention. She did – but not in a good way. Her teammates didn't like that her chosen techniques for emphasis – the large type, use of a bright color, and bold font style – made her appear to be screaming at them. As a result, her boss sent her to my class! Before computers, when business communicators used typewriters to compose letters, they could emphasize words either by typing in all capital letters or by underlining the words.
Word-processing changed all that. Writers now have a variety of options to highlight words or to visually enhance a document, including bold, italic, underline, different fonts, and color.
Having so many choices can be confusing, or even inhibiting. To be effective, and to make your documents easy to read, follow these three guidelines:
1. Avoid having your documents look like “The Ransom Note Style of Letter.”
That is, you don’t want your correspondence to look as though you cut words and phrases out of different magazines. Use emphasis techniques sparingly. All of these techniques have a role to play – but not all at once. Generally, bold type is used for headings, subheads, and bullet points in a list. Though italics usually is the preferred choice, both italics and underlining may be used for specific emphasis of a word or phrase, and to denote titles of literary and artistic works. (Check an up-to-date style manual for expanded guidelines.) 2. Choose an easy-to-read font style, type size, and color. Using large type sizes, very small type, and different colors make it difficult for people to read your message quickly. Generally, it is best to use 10- or 12-point type and an easy to read font, such as Arial, Calibri, Times New Roman, Verdana or Georgia. Black or dark blue type color is best for email.
3. Avoid writing text in all capital letters. Using all capital letters is the written equivalent of shouting. What’s more, it is difficult to read. Don’t use all lowercase letters, either; that, too, is hard to read. All caps may be used for headings, or the occasional word for emphasis.
Additional information on effective communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication and business etiquette. Contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
April 30, 2014
Use These Two Communication ‘Secrets’ To Get What You Want
A mother said to her three-year-old daughter, “When you get a chance, can you please clean your room?”
The young girl responded, “Mom, no, I not gonna get a chance.”
A colleague told me this story about her daughter, and after I stopped laughing, I had to tell her that she hadn't use a little-recognized, yet powerful communication tool. Since she had hired me to teach assertiveness for her organization, I felt comfortable giving her this feedback.
Her stumbling block? My colleague had used a question instead of a direct assertive statement. Using a question (Can you please clean your room?) allows the other person to make the choice, and you may not get what you want. You are being less direct.
Using a direct statement, such as “Sweetie, I want you to clean your room before lunch,” makes it very clear what you expect, and as a result you are more likely to get it. Of course, there are no guarantees with three-year-olds, but even with children, you have a better chance of getting what you want when you are direct.
This “secret” can also work in the workplace. Listen to the difference: “Boss, I would like to go to the conference next week,” versus “Boss, may I go to the conference?” Both are polite, but which one sounds more likely to give the speaker what she wants? The direct statement usually has more success.
The second communication secret was summed up in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. In that movie, Yoda, the Jedi Master, proclaims: "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
Be cautious with the use of the word “try,” if you want others to be accountable for their action or inaction. If you say to your employee, “Please try to meet the deadline,” he or she can always say later, “Well, I tried, but something else came up.”
You can be polite and still use a straightforward statement, such as, “I need you to meet the deadline.” As mentioned above, when you are direct, you are more likely to get what you want.
Monitor yourself over the next few days. Is your word choice preventing you from getting what you want?
Additional information on effective communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication and business etiquette. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
The young girl responded, “Mom, no, I not gonna get a chance.”
A colleague told me this story about her daughter, and after I stopped laughing, I had to tell her that she hadn't use a little-recognized, yet powerful communication tool. Since she had hired me to teach assertiveness for her organization, I felt comfortable giving her this feedback.
Her stumbling block? My colleague had used a question instead of a direct assertive statement. Using a question (Can you please clean your room?) allows the other person to make the choice, and you may not get what you want. You are being less direct.
Using a direct statement, such as “Sweetie, I want you to clean your room before lunch,” makes it very clear what you expect, and as a result you are more likely to get it. Of course, there are no guarantees with three-year-olds, but even with children, you have a better chance of getting what you want when you are direct.
This “secret” can also work in the workplace. Listen to the difference: “Boss, I would like to go to the conference next week,” versus “Boss, may I go to the conference?” Both are polite, but which one sounds more likely to give the speaker what she wants? The direct statement usually has more success.
The second communication secret was summed up in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. In that movie, Yoda, the Jedi Master, proclaims: "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
Be cautious with the use of the word “try,” if you want others to be accountable for their action or inaction. If you say to your employee, “Please try to meet the deadline,” he or she can always say later, “Well, I tried, but something else came up.”
You can be polite and still use a straightforward statement, such as, “I need you to meet the deadline.” As mentioned above, when you are direct, you are more likely to get what you want.
Monitor yourself over the next few days. Is your word choice preventing you from getting what you want?
Additional information on effective communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication and business etiquette. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
April 23, 2014
Light That “Fire in the Belly”: 10 Steps To Help Build Your Career
Lately I have heard the following comments from people in the business world:
• I feel stuck. I want something different.
• I’m in my first professional job and I don’t like it. What do I do?
• If only I knew what I wanted to do, I would do it.
The job market is improving, which allows many professionals to consider that they would like to make a change. Yet, some people only criticize their current jobs, but don’t take any positive steps to change.
Don’t complain about your job – do something! I believe that it is through the process of exploring your options that you will discover your next career steps. The following items should ignite the “fire in your belly” that will help you to grow in your career.
1. Cluster your interests. Put your name in the center of a large sheet of paper, and then let your mind wander. Jot down any thoughts that come to mind about what you would like to do professionally. Cluster those thoughts around a key phrase – such as more education, a new field, working overseas, or whatever it is you desire. Then jot down what it would take to achieve this. Place related ideas together. Don’t censor yourself. Even if your ideas seem silly, include them anyway. Once you have written down all the ideas you can think of, the work begins. Evaluate your ideas, and start working on putting them into action. Revisit the cluster often, to refresh your commitment or to edit your ideas.
2. Don’t set limits on yourself. Figure out what you want to do first, and then figure out how to make it happen. Often, what you believe are roadblocks are simply stumbling blocks that can be overcome. When I decided to go to graduate school, my friends told me it was too late to apply. However, I carried my papers from department to department, explaining my case – and I started my master’s program on time.
3. Become known as a good employee. There are lots of reasons to build up your reputation, including having references – people who will speak well of you. Make sure you help others. Volunteer for assignments. Go above and beyond what’s required. Be friendly and polite. Don’t burn your bridges – behave professionally, even at business social events. One woman cursed out her team’s catcher for missing a ball during a company softball game. Three months later, she was interviewing in front of him and, not surprisingly, didn't get the job.
4. Explore possibilities within your company. Are there other positions with your current employer that interest you? Find out what you need to do to be ready for the next opening. Get involved in company activities, as this will allow you to get to know more people. You may learn about openings before they are posted. Managers like to hire and promote people they know.
5. Conduct a job search. That is, make your job search a job in itself. Yes, I know you are working full-time already, but you still need to find the time to look for work. One manager worked every day, and after she put her young son to bed, she would spend 2-3 hours each night on her job search. Within a few months, she had a better job. Additional information on job search and careers can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
6. Build an area of expertise. You want people to view you as an expert, so become one. Choose your subject, then take a class, get certified, or earn an advanced degree. Start a blog on the subject. One young man has set aside Tuesday nights to do his blog. Since it is on his schedule, he is more likely to make it happen.
7. Talk to people about their jobs. What do their jobs entail? Ask questions about the requirements, and also what they consider the pros and cons. You may find positions that interest you.
8. Investigate recruiters. If you can, develop a relationship with a recruiter. Though they typically work on senior, high-paying positions, recruiters can expose you to career opportunities that you may not know about. To find a recruiter, check with people in your network.
9. Get involved in your professional association. Don’t just join an association, volunteer for the committees. Associations can be great places to network, find mentors, and gain access to job banks.
10. Remember that sometimes a bad job can provide great experience. Even if you don’t like your current position, think about what you are gaining from it. Are you learning new skills? Are you meeting new people? Are you learning how to manage a bad boss? Are you gaining the experience you need so that you can leave to go to a better job? Don’t wallow in self-pity if you find yourself in a difficult situation – make the most of the opportunities it offers.
Taking specific steps like these can help you to revitalize your career, or perhaps lead you into a new career in a field you may not have considered. But you have to make the effort. Perhaps you are nervous and feel that you can’t “just do it.” That’s okay. Start with just one step, then tackle the other actions a step at a time as you build confidence. Remember, it’s your future you are enhancing.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on career development, communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
• I feel stuck. I want something different.
• I’m in my first professional job and I don’t like it. What do I do?
• If only I knew what I wanted to do, I would do it.
The job market is improving, which allows many professionals to consider that they would like to make a change. Yet, some people only criticize their current jobs, but don’t take any positive steps to change.
Don’t complain about your job – do something! I believe that it is through the process of exploring your options that you will discover your next career steps. The following items should ignite the “fire in your belly” that will help you to grow in your career.
1. Cluster your interests. Put your name in the center of a large sheet of paper, and then let your mind wander. Jot down any thoughts that come to mind about what you would like to do professionally. Cluster those thoughts around a key phrase – such as more education, a new field, working overseas, or whatever it is you desire. Then jot down what it would take to achieve this. Place related ideas together. Don’t censor yourself. Even if your ideas seem silly, include them anyway. Once you have written down all the ideas you can think of, the work begins. Evaluate your ideas, and start working on putting them into action. Revisit the cluster often, to refresh your commitment or to edit your ideas.2. Don’t set limits on yourself. Figure out what you want to do first, and then figure out how to make it happen. Often, what you believe are roadblocks are simply stumbling blocks that can be overcome. When I decided to go to graduate school, my friends told me it was too late to apply. However, I carried my papers from department to department, explaining my case – and I started my master’s program on time.
3. Become known as a good employee. There are lots of reasons to build up your reputation, including having references – people who will speak well of you. Make sure you help others. Volunteer for assignments. Go above and beyond what’s required. Be friendly and polite. Don’t burn your bridges – behave professionally, even at business social events. One woman cursed out her team’s catcher for missing a ball during a company softball game. Three months later, she was interviewing in front of him and, not surprisingly, didn't get the job.
4. Explore possibilities within your company. Are there other positions with your current employer that interest you? Find out what you need to do to be ready for the next opening. Get involved in company activities, as this will allow you to get to know more people. You may learn about openings before they are posted. Managers like to hire and promote people they know.
5. Conduct a job search. That is, make your job search a job in itself. Yes, I know you are working full-time already, but you still need to find the time to look for work. One manager worked every day, and after she put her young son to bed, she would spend 2-3 hours each night on her job search. Within a few months, she had a better job. Additional information on job search and careers can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
6. Build an area of expertise. You want people to view you as an expert, so become one. Choose your subject, then take a class, get certified, or earn an advanced degree. Start a blog on the subject. One young man has set aside Tuesday nights to do his blog. Since it is on his schedule, he is more likely to make it happen.
7. Talk to people about their jobs. What do their jobs entail? Ask questions about the requirements, and also what they consider the pros and cons. You may find positions that interest you.
8. Investigate recruiters. If you can, develop a relationship with a recruiter. Though they typically work on senior, high-paying positions, recruiters can expose you to career opportunities that you may not know about. To find a recruiter, check with people in your network.
9. Get involved in your professional association. Don’t just join an association, volunteer for the committees. Associations can be great places to network, find mentors, and gain access to job banks.
10. Remember that sometimes a bad job can provide great experience. Even if you don’t like your current position, think about what you are gaining from it. Are you learning new skills? Are you meeting new people? Are you learning how to manage a bad boss? Are you gaining the experience you need so that you can leave to go to a better job? Don’t wallow in self-pity if you find yourself in a difficult situation – make the most of the opportunities it offers.
Taking specific steps like these can help you to revitalize your career, or perhaps lead you into a new career in a field you may not have considered. But you have to make the effort. Perhaps you are nervous and feel that you can’t “just do it.” That’s okay. Start with just one step, then tackle the other actions a step at a time as you build confidence. Remember, it’s your future you are enhancing.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on career development, communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
April 8, 2014
It’s Not Rocket Science! 10 Ways to Connect and Engage With People
Lately, I have worked with a number of people with outstanding technical skills whose career growth has been limited by their inability to connect with others. They were referred to me for coaching to provide them with the necessary skills to engage successfully with coworkers, bosses, and customers/clients.
People want to hire, work with, promote and do business with others whom they know and like. If you were not born with the “gift of gab,” and many people weren't, you can still learn the skills to connect with others. Here are 10 actions that will help you to be more approachable, and to engage more easily with others in your workplace.
1. Put your phone away. Yes, you read that correctly. Keep your phone off the table when meeting with someone. Having your phone visible tells the other person, “I am so ready to drop you and connect with someone else.” This also applies to the Bluetooth device in your ear, or what I like to refer to as “the cockroach in the ear.” (Yes, I do have strong feelings about this!)
2. Don’t walk into a building or down a hall while talking on your phone. It is easy to ignore people when you are on the phone. You want to greet and acknowledge people. The person to whom you say “hello” on the way to the meeting may be the person sitting next to you during the meeting – and by acknowledging that person in the hall, you have established minor rapport.
For those of you thinking about using Google Glass in the workplace, remember that it can make people feel uncomfortable. I suggest you read a New York Times article, Google Offers a Guide to Not Being a ‘Creepy’ Google Glass Owner.
3. Convey interest through your body language. Look at the person with whom you are interacting. Maintain a pleasant facial expression and nod occasionally when others are speaking. Additional information on verbal and nonverbal communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
4. Call people. Don’t communicate via email and text exclusively. Calling people on the phone when appropriate creates a more personal connection. Also remember to sound pleasant and enthusiastic.
5. Avoid the “Are you there?” syndrome. If the other person on the phone with you doesn't occasionally use verbal reassurances (such as “Oh,” “I see,” “really,” “okay”), you may be tempted to believe that person isn't listening to you, and feel compelled to say, “Are you there?” Verbal prompts also can be used when talking face-to-face, though less frequently, since your use of body language, as mentioned above, should also convey that you are listening.
6. Take notes with pen and paper. If you use a laptop to take notes, it draws your attention away from the other person. Plus, the raised back cover of the computer becomes a barrier between the two of you. An iPad or tablet can be less intrusive, and pen and paper still work well.
7. Prepare small talk. Knowing a little about topics that are important to your customers and colleagues will make it easier to make conversation. You don’t have to be an expert on every topic, but learn enough to allow you to participate.
8. Remember “The Blue Cord.” You want to use language that your colleagues/customers will understand. Using a big word that someone doesn't recognize when a simpler one is available can distance you from the other person. Some people understand what an “ethernet cord” is, for instance, but others need to be told, “It’s the blue cord.” In my last newsletter, I discussed using the latter phrase to remind yourself to adjust your choice of words for your audience.
9. Mingle with the participants before a meeting or presentation begins. Many people just take a seat and don’t talk to anyone. Be proactive. Go up to people, greet them, shake hands and make conversation.
10. Be social, the old-fashioned way. Go to lunch with people. It’s an opportunity to get to know someone outside of the business environment. Get involved in company activities. You will meet more people, and, depending on the activity—such as a company food drive--possibly help others.
These are not the only ways to connect, but they are important ones. As you go through your day, remind yourself of the value of connecting. Soon these actions will become second nature to you.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
People want to hire, work with, promote and do business with others whom they know and like. If you were not born with the “gift of gab,” and many people weren't, you can still learn the skills to connect with others. Here are 10 actions that will help you to be more approachable, and to engage more easily with others in your workplace.
1. Put your phone away. Yes, you read that correctly. Keep your phone off the table when meeting with someone. Having your phone visible tells the other person, “I am so ready to drop you and connect with someone else.” This also applies to the Bluetooth device in your ear, or what I like to refer to as “the cockroach in the ear.” (Yes, I do have strong feelings about this!)
2. Don’t walk into a building or down a hall while talking on your phone. It is easy to ignore people when you are on the phone. You want to greet and acknowledge people. The person to whom you say “hello” on the way to the meeting may be the person sitting next to you during the meeting – and by acknowledging that person in the hall, you have established minor rapport.
For those of you thinking about using Google Glass in the workplace, remember that it can make people feel uncomfortable. I suggest you read a New York Times article, Google Offers a Guide to Not Being a ‘Creepy’ Google Glass Owner. 3. Convey interest through your body language. Look at the person with whom you are interacting. Maintain a pleasant facial expression and nod occasionally when others are speaking. Additional information on verbal and nonverbal communication can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
4. Call people. Don’t communicate via email and text exclusively. Calling people on the phone when appropriate creates a more personal connection. Also remember to sound pleasant and enthusiastic.
5. Avoid the “Are you there?” syndrome. If the other person on the phone with you doesn't occasionally use verbal reassurances (such as “Oh,” “I see,” “really,” “okay”), you may be tempted to believe that person isn't listening to you, and feel compelled to say, “Are you there?” Verbal prompts also can be used when talking face-to-face, though less frequently, since your use of body language, as mentioned above, should also convey that you are listening.
6. Take notes with pen and paper. If you use a laptop to take notes, it draws your attention away from the other person. Plus, the raised back cover of the computer becomes a barrier between the two of you. An iPad or tablet can be less intrusive, and pen and paper still work well.
7. Prepare small talk. Knowing a little about topics that are important to your customers and colleagues will make it easier to make conversation. You don’t have to be an expert on every topic, but learn enough to allow you to participate.
8. Remember “The Blue Cord.” You want to use language that your colleagues/customers will understand. Using a big word that someone doesn't recognize when a simpler one is available can distance you from the other person. Some people understand what an “ethernet cord” is, for instance, but others need to be told, “It’s the blue cord.” In my last newsletter, I discussed using the latter phrase to remind yourself to adjust your choice of words for your audience.
9. Mingle with the participants before a meeting or presentation begins. Many people just take a seat and don’t talk to anyone. Be proactive. Go up to people, greet them, shake hands and make conversation.
10. Be social, the old-fashioned way. Go to lunch with people. It’s an opportunity to get to know someone outside of the business environment. Get involved in company activities. You will meet more people, and, depending on the activity—such as a company food drive--possibly help others.
These are not the only ways to connect, but they are important ones. As you go through your day, remind yourself of the value of connecting. Soon these actions will become second nature to you.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
March 27, 2014
'Bossy' or Not…Part 2: How You Speak – and Stand – Can Hurt You
Last week, I talked about “Ban Bossy,” a campaign launched by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg to persuade society to stop calling assertive young girls bossy, as it discourages them from becoming leaders. Similar behavior in boys, she points out, is applauded as leadership material.
But it’s not always outside influences that can handicap women’s careers. As I discussed last week, I came across one of my old newsletter articles that listed 25 behaviors women exhibit in the workplace that cause them to lose power and visibility. Unfortunately, many women still practice those behavioral traits today, and by doing so they handicap their own careers.
Part one of my blog about these behaviors talked about the first 11 items on that list, including how to present yourself in meetings and how to promote your achievements. The comments I received in response, from both men and women, were terrific, including “interesting,” “fascinating,” and “good stuff.” The analytics from the posting showed that many people forwarded the blog to colleagues, and others posted it on their Facebook pages or tweeted it to their followers.
I believe that this week’s discussion will be equally helpful. Part two offers suggestions (below) about several other areas in which you can increase your visibility and power, and help your own career.
SPEAK WITH POWER:
12. Don’t say, “I don’t know,” when you do know. These are the three little words that many women use towards the end of their comments that wipe out their credibility. A woman may outline her thoughts on a topic and then say, “Oh, I don’t know,” or “But I don’t know. What do you think?”
13. Watch out for “I think.” If you say “I think,” you are indicating that you are unsure or don’t know. If that is true, then the use of “I think” is okay. But women have a tendency to use “I think” when they know. One vice president wanted to persuade a client that her company could meet the client’s deadline. During her presentation, she said, “I think we will meet your deadline.” The client went elsewhere.
14. Use direct statements instead of questions. When you use a question instead of a statement, you are giving the other person the opportunity to say “no.” Instead of giving away your power by asking, “Can I add something?” say, “I’d like to add to that.” Instead of asking, “Could you clarify that statement?” say, “I need additional information.” More information on assertiveness can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.
15. Speak loudly. If I could say just one thing to women after 20 years of helping them to get and maintain the visibility they deserve, it would be: “Speak up!” Women often speak too softly, and make it easy for others to tune them out.
16. Eliminate the giggle. Many women giggle at the end of their sentences, and often don’t realize it. It makes them sound like little girls, and that’s a real power drain. Ask a trusted friend or colleague if you have this tendency, or try to listen to yourself. One woman found out she had this habit when she heard her twin sister giggling at the end of her sentences.
ESTABLISH RAPPORT WITH OTHERS:
17. Greet and acknowledge others. As you walk around, say hello to people – the ones you know and those you don’t know. Many employees judge the effectiveness of their managers on whether they greet and acknowledge others.
18. Enter a room confidently. Walk into a room as though you belong there. Keep your head up and your shoulders back. Have a deliberate stride.
19. Make small talk. I hear lots of reasons from women why they don’t want to make small talk. Some women say it’s not their personality. Others say if they make small talk with men, the men will think they are flirting. Think again! Small talk is an important business tool. It breaks the ice with people, establishes common ground, and allows people to get to know one another better. And you can talk to men without your intentions being misunderstood. Just keep the talk professional and not too personal.
20. Be proactive. Go up to people at professional gatherings. Don’t just wait for people to come to you. Introduce yourself with a line like, “Hello, I’m Barbara Pachter. I’m one of the speakers for the meeting. And you are…?” Shake hands, also.
ESTABLISH YOUR PROFESSIONAL IMAGE:
21. Pay attention to your body language. Don’t cross your ankles while standing. An amazing number of women still do this. It makes them look awkward and nervous. Stand assertively – no slouching, and feet shoulder-width apart. Don’t wring your hands or play with rubber bands, paperclips, or your hair. If you do, you are telling people you are nervous.
22. Shake hands correctly. Many women weren't taught to shake hands. Others are under the impression that women don’t have to shake hands. Wrong! And a limp handshake is almost worse than no handshake. To shake hands correctly, touch thumb joint to thumb joint. Your grip should be firm but not bone-breaking.
23. Stand up when shaking hands. Many women also were taught that they do not need to stand. I disagree. Women do need to stand, otherwise they are sending the message: “I’m not as important.” You are on more equal footing when you stand up. When I shake hands with the participants in my seminars, only 35% of the women stand; 75% percent of the men stand.
24. Dress appropriately. A very bright and competent woman was told she wasn’t promoted because of her sexy dressing habits. In a professional situation, you don’t want to wear clothing that’s too low, too short, too sexy, or too anything. Think about the message you are sending when you wear short skirts. You’re not saying, “Look at me because I know what I’m doing.” You’re saying, “Look at me because I have great legs.” Additional information on business and business casual dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
25. Don’t become the “mother.” Your role is not to “take care of” or “baby” others. After a coaching session with me, a woman cleared the table as we were leaving my office. When I asked her why she did this, she said, “I guess I feel like it’s my responsibility to clean up messes.”
Regardless of whether young girls hear the word “bossy” applied to them, women who want successful careers can, and should, take a look at their own behavior in the workplace to make sure that they aren’t holding themselves back.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
But it’s not always outside influences that can handicap women’s careers. As I discussed last week, I came across one of my old newsletter articles that listed 25 behaviors women exhibit in the workplace that cause them to lose power and visibility. Unfortunately, many women still practice those behavioral traits today, and by doing so they handicap their own careers.
Part one of my blog about these behaviors talked about the first 11 items on that list, including how to present yourself in meetings and how to promote your achievements. The comments I received in response, from both men and women, were terrific, including “interesting,” “fascinating,” and “good stuff.” The analytics from the posting showed that many people forwarded the blog to colleagues, and others posted it on their Facebook pages or tweeted it to their followers.
I believe that this week’s discussion will be equally helpful. Part two offers suggestions (below) about several other areas in which you can increase your visibility and power, and help your own career.
SPEAK WITH POWER:
12. Don’t say, “I don’t know,” when you do know. These are the three little words that many women use towards the end of their comments that wipe out their credibility. A woman may outline her thoughts on a topic and then say, “Oh, I don’t know,” or “But I don’t know. What do you think?”
13. Watch out for “I think.” If you say “I think,” you are indicating that you are unsure or don’t know. If that is true, then the use of “I think” is okay. But women have a tendency to use “I think” when they know. One vice president wanted to persuade a client that her company could meet the client’s deadline. During her presentation, she said, “I think we will meet your deadline.” The client went elsewhere.
14. Use direct statements instead of questions. When you use a question instead of a statement, you are giving the other person the opportunity to say “no.” Instead of giving away your power by asking, “Can I add something?” say, “I’d like to add to that.” Instead of asking, “Could you clarify that statement?” say, “I need additional information.” More information on assertiveness can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.
15. Speak loudly. If I could say just one thing to women after 20 years of helping them to get and maintain the visibility they deserve, it would be: “Speak up!” Women often speak too softly, and make it easy for others to tune them out.
16. Eliminate the giggle. Many women giggle at the end of their sentences, and often don’t realize it. It makes them sound like little girls, and that’s a real power drain. Ask a trusted friend or colleague if you have this tendency, or try to listen to yourself. One woman found out she had this habit when she heard her twin sister giggling at the end of her sentences.
ESTABLISH RAPPORT WITH OTHERS:
17. Greet and acknowledge others. As you walk around, say hello to people – the ones you know and those you don’t know. Many employees judge the effectiveness of their managers on whether they greet and acknowledge others.
18. Enter a room confidently. Walk into a room as though you belong there. Keep your head up and your shoulders back. Have a deliberate stride.
19. Make small talk. I hear lots of reasons from women why they don’t want to make small talk. Some women say it’s not their personality. Others say if they make small talk with men, the men will think they are flirting. Think again! Small talk is an important business tool. It breaks the ice with people, establishes common ground, and allows people to get to know one another better. And you can talk to men without your intentions being misunderstood. Just keep the talk professional and not too personal.
20. Be proactive. Go up to people at professional gatherings. Don’t just wait for people to come to you. Introduce yourself with a line like, “Hello, I’m Barbara Pachter. I’m one of the speakers for the meeting. And you are…?” Shake hands, also.
ESTABLISH YOUR PROFESSIONAL IMAGE:
21. Pay attention to your body language. Don’t cross your ankles while standing. An amazing number of women still do this. It makes them look awkward and nervous. Stand assertively – no slouching, and feet shoulder-width apart. Don’t wring your hands or play with rubber bands, paperclips, or your hair. If you do, you are telling people you are nervous.
22. Shake hands correctly. Many women weren't taught to shake hands. Others are under the impression that women don’t have to shake hands. Wrong! And a limp handshake is almost worse than no handshake. To shake hands correctly, touch thumb joint to thumb joint. Your grip should be firm but not bone-breaking.23. Stand up when shaking hands. Many women also were taught that they do not need to stand. I disagree. Women do need to stand, otherwise they are sending the message: “I’m not as important.” You are on more equal footing when you stand up. When I shake hands with the participants in my seminars, only 35% of the women stand; 75% percent of the men stand.
24. Dress appropriately. A very bright and competent woman was told she wasn’t promoted because of her sexy dressing habits. In a professional situation, you don’t want to wear clothing that’s too low, too short, too sexy, or too anything. Think about the message you are sending when you wear short skirts. You’re not saying, “Look at me because I know what I’m doing.” You’re saying, “Look at me because I have great legs.” Additional information on business and business casual dress can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
25. Don’t become the “mother.” Your role is not to “take care of” or “baby” others. After a coaching session with me, a woman cleared the table as we were leaving my office. When I asked her why she did this, she said, “I guess I feel like it’s my responsibility to clean up messes.”
Regardless of whether young girls hear the word “bossy” applied to them, women who want successful careers can, and should, take a look at their own behavior in the workplace to make sure that they aren’t holding themselves back.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
