Barbara Pachter's Blog, page 13
March 18, 2014
'Bossy' or Not, Business Women Can Handicap Their Careers
There has been a lot of media focus lately on Sheryl Sandberg’s new campaign for empowering girls, Ban Bossy. The campaign’s website, www.banbossy.com, states that “words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys – a trend that continues into adulthood.”
Sandberg is Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer and the author of Lean In, a book about corporate leadership for women, so her words carry a lot of weight.
But whether you agree with the program or not, and some do not (Sheryl Sandberg wrong on 'bossy' ban, declared an opinion column on CNN), there are specific behaviors that women exhibit in the workplace that can cause them to lose visibility and power. These verbal and non-verbal actions send the message: “It’s OK to discount me,” “Don’t listen to me,” and “Don’t take me as seriously as that man on the other side of the table.”
Recently I came across one of my old newsletter articles that encouraged women to tune in and pay attention to their visibility and power factors. The promotion-hindering behaviors described in 25 items in that article are still occurring, and still limiting women’s careers.
One extra point. I could apologize that this blog is longer than most of mine, but I won’t. As a female in the business world, I, like many women, have had to learn not to apologize when there is nothing to apologize for…. But to make it easier for the reader to absorb, I have split the information into two blogs. Here are the first 11 points:
IN MEETINGS:
1. Contribute – even if it’s a stretch. Women tell me that contributing in meetings can be difficult, especially if they are of lower rank than the other participants, or the only woman present. Get over it! You need to contribute, or your visibility factor goes to zero. Men tend to contribute more, so their ideas are adopted more often. Be prepared. Before a meeting, consider what you might be asked or what you can contribute. Speak early – ask a question or make an observation or statement. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to build up your nerve to speak.
2. Don’t ask permission to talk. Women often ask, “May I say something?” Others raise a hand to “request” permission to speak. One high-level corporate lawyer was shocked when she realized she was the only person in the meeting raising her hand. Instead, say something like, “The question remaining is…” or just start talking to add your point.
3. Interrupt. Interrupting can be an annoying speaking habit, but sometimes it’s vital for women to put aside the niceties to create an opportunity to speak. When interrupting, you can say, “To build on what you are saying…” or “We also need to discuss….”
4. Be assertive if interrupted. When a man interrupts a woman, she often will stop talking. When I was teaching in Oman, a woman pointed out that she had noticed that American men interrupt American women on our TV shows. That’s a reflection of reality in our culture, so women have to resist the impulse to give up the floor automatically to men. Don’t ask permission to continue, such as “Can I finish?” Jump right back in with a polite and powerful comment such as, “Hold that thought…,” “I wasn't finished…,” or “I’ll talk about that in just a second….”
5. Stand when appropriate to present your ideas. Women stay seated much too often. Standing is a more powerful position, because it forces others to look up to you.
6. Don’t take notes. A woman told me she was the only person in the room taking notes when others spoke. The men just listened. As a result, she appeared to be the administrative assistant.
7. Know when to stop talking. Women tend to give too much detail. If you go on and on, others will tune you out. Make your point succinctly, and then stop talking!
BECOME A SELF-PROMOTER:
8. Toot your own horn. You don’t want to be obnoxious, but you must learn to speak well of yourself. You can weave your accomplishments into a story or illustration, as if you are offering the information for the other person’s benefit. An example of this is the Oman story described in item 4 above. You now know that I have taught in the Middle East.
9. Give formal presentations. Giving presentations increases your visibility within your company/department. As a bonus, it can help you become known as an expert. If public speaking makes you nervous, take a class on presentation skills. Giving effective presentations is a skill that can be mastered, with training and practice. Additional information on presentation skills can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.
10. Accept compliments. Women often discount themselves when given a compliment. If someone tells you, “Great job,” don’t say, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “Anyone could have done it.” Accept that compliment by saying, “Thank you,” and then shut your mouth!
11. Eliminate self-discounting language. Self-discounting words include: kinda, sorta, maybe, perhaps, probably, just, and actually. These are the extra words that, when added to sentences, discount what the speaker is saying. If you say, “Maybe we have to look at all the possibilities,” others will think, “Well, should we or shouldn't we?” If you say, “It’s kinda a problem and perhaps we should…” the other person could dismiss the whole idea as wishy-washy.
Next week: Part two will cover speaking with power, establishing rapport, and professional image.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
Sandberg is Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer and the author of Lean In, a book about corporate leadership for women, so her words carry a lot of weight.But whether you agree with the program or not, and some do not (Sheryl Sandberg wrong on 'bossy' ban, declared an opinion column on CNN), there are specific behaviors that women exhibit in the workplace that can cause them to lose visibility and power. These verbal and non-verbal actions send the message: “It’s OK to discount me,” “Don’t listen to me,” and “Don’t take me as seriously as that man on the other side of the table.”
Recently I came across one of my old newsletter articles that encouraged women to tune in and pay attention to their visibility and power factors. The promotion-hindering behaviors described in 25 items in that article are still occurring, and still limiting women’s careers.
One extra point. I could apologize that this blog is longer than most of mine, but I won’t. As a female in the business world, I, like many women, have had to learn not to apologize when there is nothing to apologize for…. But to make it easier for the reader to absorb, I have split the information into two blogs. Here are the first 11 points:
IN MEETINGS:
1. Contribute – even if it’s a stretch. Women tell me that contributing in meetings can be difficult, especially if they are of lower rank than the other participants, or the only woman present. Get over it! You need to contribute, or your visibility factor goes to zero. Men tend to contribute more, so their ideas are adopted more often. Be prepared. Before a meeting, consider what you might be asked or what you can contribute. Speak early – ask a question or make an observation or statement. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to build up your nerve to speak.
2. Don’t ask permission to talk. Women often ask, “May I say something?” Others raise a hand to “request” permission to speak. One high-level corporate lawyer was shocked when she realized she was the only person in the meeting raising her hand. Instead, say something like, “The question remaining is…” or just start talking to add your point.
3. Interrupt. Interrupting can be an annoying speaking habit, but sometimes it’s vital for women to put aside the niceties to create an opportunity to speak. When interrupting, you can say, “To build on what you are saying…” or “We also need to discuss….”
4. Be assertive if interrupted. When a man interrupts a woman, she often will stop talking. When I was teaching in Oman, a woman pointed out that she had noticed that American men interrupt American women on our TV shows. That’s a reflection of reality in our culture, so women have to resist the impulse to give up the floor automatically to men. Don’t ask permission to continue, such as “Can I finish?” Jump right back in with a polite and powerful comment such as, “Hold that thought…,” “I wasn't finished…,” or “I’ll talk about that in just a second….”
5. Stand when appropriate to present your ideas. Women stay seated much too often. Standing is a more powerful position, because it forces others to look up to you.
6. Don’t take notes. A woman told me she was the only person in the room taking notes when others spoke. The men just listened. As a result, she appeared to be the administrative assistant.
7. Know when to stop talking. Women tend to give too much detail. If you go on and on, others will tune you out. Make your point succinctly, and then stop talking!
BECOME A SELF-PROMOTER:
8. Toot your own horn. You don’t want to be obnoxious, but you must learn to speak well of yourself. You can weave your accomplishments into a story or illustration, as if you are offering the information for the other person’s benefit. An example of this is the Oman story described in item 4 above. You now know that I have taught in the Middle East.
9. Give formal presentations. Giving presentations increases your visibility within your company/department. As a bonus, it can help you become known as an expert. If public speaking makes you nervous, take a class on presentation skills. Giving effective presentations is a skill that can be mastered, with training and practice. Additional information on presentation skills can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.
10. Accept compliments. Women often discount themselves when given a compliment. If someone tells you, “Great job,” don’t say, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “Anyone could have done it.” Accept that compliment by saying, “Thank you,” and then shut your mouth!
11. Eliminate self-discounting language. Self-discounting words include: kinda, sorta, maybe, perhaps, probably, just, and actually. These are the extra words that, when added to sentences, discount what the speaker is saying. If you say, “Maybe we have to look at all the possibilities,” others will think, “Well, should we or shouldn't we?” If you say, “It’s kinda a problem and perhaps we should…” the other person could dismiss the whole idea as wishy-washy.
Next week: Part two will cover speaking with power, establishing rapport, and professional image.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on communication, business etiquette and professional image. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
February 25, 2014
6 Tips To Remember When Evaluating Feedback
What do these three examples have in common?
• A young woman was told by an instructor that her giggle during her presentation was cute, and fit her personality.
• A woman’s husband, after she asked him if her skirt was too short for an important business meeting, responded “No, your legs look great. Keep it short!”
• A young man was told by a colleague to chew gum to help him overcome his nervousness when presenting.
I believe the above business professionals all received feedback that was flawed.
It is important to receive feedback, because it helps us to grow. After 20 years of giving seminars, I still pay attention to the comments I receive from my participants. But how do you decide which suggestions really can help you to grow as a professional, and which ones to ignore? I suggest asking yourself these 6 questions:
1. Who is giving the feedback? Is the person an expert? If so, the feedback is a gift, and I would seriously consider following the person’s suggestions. If the person is not an expert, I would put the comments on the back burner. But remember, when customers make suggestions, it is a good idea to implement them where appropriate.
2. Do you perceive a pattern in the feedback you get? A solitary criticism or observation may be just one person’s opinion, but if you notice a lot of similar comments, chances are there is some truth to the feedback – positive or negative.
3. Have you learned as much as you can about the comment? Engage with the person giving the feedback. You can paraphrase what you have heard. Saying something like, “You’re suggesting that…” and putting the feedback into your own words will ensure that you have grasped the person’s points. The woman who was told it was okay to giggle could have asked, “Are you saying that it will be professional for me to giggle in the business world?” (The answer is no.)
4. Is the feedback emphasizing your sexuality? Workplace feedback should address your competency, not your sexuality. The woman’s husband in my example was flattering his wife, but not taking into consideration her corporate environment. He didn’t understand that “sexy is not a corporate look.” He’s not alone. Based on the attire of some newscasters, or the actors portraying professionals on television shows, it’s not surprising that many people come to believe that it is okay to dress provocatively in business situations. Occasionally, even some people writing about dress guidelines on the web fall into this trap. One blog post I read suggested that showing cleavage is the new “power tie” for women. (Yes, I am serious!) It isn’t.
5. Have you checked with other seasoned and successful professionals? The young man who was told to chew gum did check with another professional, who pointed out that the gum chewing would create another problem – his audience would be distracted. She then gave him other suggestions to overcome his nervousness, such as practicing out loud and telling yourself positive things. Additional suggestions can be found in my new book: The Essentials of Business Etiquette .
6. Have you done research on your own? Read books on the topic. Read articles on the web. The Internet makes it very easy to research any topic. Just make sure the authors of the articles are experts in whatever topic you are researching.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, presentation skills and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
• A young woman was told by an instructor that her giggle during her presentation was cute, and fit her personality.
• A woman’s husband, after she asked him if her skirt was too short for an important business meeting, responded “No, your legs look great. Keep it short!”
• A young man was told by a colleague to chew gum to help him overcome his nervousness when presenting.
I believe the above business professionals all received feedback that was flawed.
It is important to receive feedback, because it helps us to grow. After 20 years of giving seminars, I still pay attention to the comments I receive from my participants. But how do you decide which suggestions really can help you to grow as a professional, and which ones to ignore? I suggest asking yourself these 6 questions:
1. Who is giving the feedback? Is the person an expert? If so, the feedback is a gift, and I would seriously consider following the person’s suggestions. If the person is not an expert, I would put the comments on the back burner. But remember, when customers make suggestions, it is a good idea to implement them where appropriate.
2. Do you perceive a pattern in the feedback you get? A solitary criticism or observation may be just one person’s opinion, but if you notice a lot of similar comments, chances are there is some truth to the feedback – positive or negative.
3. Have you learned as much as you can about the comment? Engage with the person giving the feedback. You can paraphrase what you have heard. Saying something like, “You’re suggesting that…” and putting the feedback into your own words will ensure that you have grasped the person’s points. The woman who was told it was okay to giggle could have asked, “Are you saying that it will be professional for me to giggle in the business world?” (The answer is no.)
4. Is the feedback emphasizing your sexuality? Workplace feedback should address your competency, not your sexuality. The woman’s husband in my example was flattering his wife, but not taking into consideration her corporate environment. He didn’t understand that “sexy is not a corporate look.” He’s not alone. Based on the attire of some newscasters, or the actors portraying professionals on television shows, it’s not surprising that many people come to believe that it is okay to dress provocatively in business situations. Occasionally, even some people writing about dress guidelines on the web fall into this trap. One blog post I read suggested that showing cleavage is the new “power tie” for women. (Yes, I am serious!) It isn’t.
5. Have you checked with other seasoned and successful professionals? The young man who was told to chew gum did check with another professional, who pointed out that the gum chewing would create another problem – his audience would be distracted. She then gave him other suggestions to overcome his nervousness, such as practicing out loud and telling yourself positive things. Additional suggestions can be found in my new book: The Essentials of Business Etiquette .
6. Have you done research on your own? Read books on the topic. Read articles on the web. The Internet makes it very easy to research any topic. Just make sure the authors of the articles are experts in whatever topic you are researching.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette, presentation skills and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
February 5, 2014
Presentation Panic — Take These Steps To Avoid Running Off The Stage!
A few weeks ago, movie director Michael Bay made headlines when he abruptly left the stage during his presentation for Samsung at CES 2014, the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. The video of his (very short) talk and sudden exit went viral.
Since public speaking is often the number one fear that people experience, Bay’s very public meltdown when his teleprompter failed could discourage others from making presentations.
Yet, there are steps you can take that will allow you to continue with your presentation regardless of whether your teleprompter fails, your mind goes blank, or other difficulties occur. And then you can walk off the stage with your head held high, mission accomplished.
The most important response to an unexpected situation is to take charge. If you are not bothered by the mishaps that can and do occur, your audience will not be bothered, either. It is when you get upset that your audience gets upset.
Here are additional tips to help you maintain control of yourself and your audience:
1. Prepare well in advance.
--Practice your presentation out loud. Be familiar with what you want to say. Don’t just rely on a teleprompter.
--Take notes with you. You don’t have to use them, but knowing they are there will help calm you.
--Check your equipment ahead of time.
--Bring backups of any material or slides. (When I was speaking at a conference for 1,000 women, the organizers wanted my slides ahead of time. I sent them and they acknowledged receipt of them. When I arrived at the conference, however, I discovered they had lost my slides. I could have panicked, but I had numerous backups with me! )
2. Mingle before the presentation. When you can, go up to people, shake hands, introduce yourself, and welcome these individuals to the presentation. This rapport-building helps people connect with you, and allows you to feel more comfortable with them. Journalist Lesley Stahl of the TV show 60 Minutes interviewed singer Taylor Swift, and reported: “It’s Taylor’s tireless courting of her fans that may be the key to her success. Remarkably, she spends an hour before every show, meeting and greeting and charming.”
3. Remember The 92 Percent Rule™. This basic principle of mine reminds people that they don’t have to be perfect. Whew. Take the pressure off! When you do give yourself some leeway, it’s a lot easier to shrug off any mishaps that occur. Being a little less than perfect, say 92 percent, means you are still very effective – and in most classes that would earn you an A.
4. Acknowledge the technical difficulties and give the audience an alternative. You could say something like, “I will take questions from you until the teleprompter is working again.” Or, “Since the teleprompter has stopped working, I will be using notes for a while.” Or, “I will be using the flipchart since the computer has stopped working.”
5. Use a standard line. Anticipate any difficult situations that you may encounter and figure out what you will say if one of those situations occurs. You are less likely to panic if you have something to say. One speaker, when he forgets what he wants to say, will ask the audience, “If anyone has heard me speak before, what am I trying to say?” This line gives him a couple of seconds to get back on track. Another speaker’s standard line, when asked a question for which she doesn’t know the answer, is: “I don’t know. I will find out and get back to you.”
6. Make presentations. The more presentations you make, the more comfortable you become. And they don't have to be work presentations – any community or volunteer presentation will be good practice for you.
Additional information on presentation skills can be found in my new book The Essentials of Business Etiquette . Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on presentation skills and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141
Since public speaking is often the number one fear that people experience, Bay’s very public meltdown when his teleprompter failed could discourage others from making presentations.
Yet, there are steps you can take that will allow you to continue with your presentation regardless of whether your teleprompter fails, your mind goes blank, or other difficulties occur. And then you can walk off the stage with your head held high, mission accomplished.
The most important response to an unexpected situation is to take charge. If you are not bothered by the mishaps that can and do occur, your audience will not be bothered, either. It is when you get upset that your audience gets upset.
Here are additional tips to help you maintain control of yourself and your audience:
1. Prepare well in advance.
--Practice your presentation out loud. Be familiar with what you want to say. Don’t just rely on a teleprompter.
--Take notes with you. You don’t have to use them, but knowing they are there will help calm you.
--Check your equipment ahead of time.
--Bring backups of any material or slides. (When I was speaking at a conference for 1,000 women, the organizers wanted my slides ahead of time. I sent them and they acknowledged receipt of them. When I arrived at the conference, however, I discovered they had lost my slides. I could have panicked, but I had numerous backups with me! )
2. Mingle before the presentation. When you can, go up to people, shake hands, introduce yourself, and welcome these individuals to the presentation. This rapport-building helps people connect with you, and allows you to feel more comfortable with them. Journalist Lesley Stahl of the TV show 60 Minutes interviewed singer Taylor Swift, and reported: “It’s Taylor’s tireless courting of her fans that may be the key to her success. Remarkably, she spends an hour before every show, meeting and greeting and charming.”
3. Remember The 92 Percent Rule™. This basic principle of mine reminds people that they don’t have to be perfect. Whew. Take the pressure off! When you do give yourself some leeway, it’s a lot easier to shrug off any mishaps that occur. Being a little less than perfect, say 92 percent, means you are still very effective – and in most classes that would earn you an A.
4. Acknowledge the technical difficulties and give the audience an alternative. You could say something like, “I will take questions from you until the teleprompter is working again.” Or, “Since the teleprompter has stopped working, I will be using notes for a while.” Or, “I will be using the flipchart since the computer has stopped working.”5. Use a standard line. Anticipate any difficult situations that you may encounter and figure out what you will say if one of those situations occurs. You are less likely to panic if you have something to say. One speaker, when he forgets what he wants to say, will ask the audience, “If anyone has heard me speak before, what am I trying to say?” This line gives him a couple of seconds to get back on track. Another speaker’s standard line, when asked a question for which she doesn’t know the answer, is: “I don’t know. I will find out and get back to you.”
6. Make presentations. The more presentations you make, the more comfortable you become. And they don't have to be work presentations – any community or volunteer presentation will be good practice for you.
Additional information on presentation skills can be found in my new book The Essentials of Business Etiquette . Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on presentation skills and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141
January 17, 2014
What’s in an Email Address? A lot!
“I haven’t opened emails that later turned out to be from people I do business with because I thought the emails were spam – based on their addresses. I missed some important information.”
A director of a national organization expressed the above frustration after my talk on etiquette at a recent conference.
Your email address is important. It can convey a lot of information about you, including your name and where you work, and even your age range – think about the difference in your responses to those who use gmail.com (mostly millennials) versus people using aol.com (probably boomers).
The goal of a good address is to identify you to the recipient and to have that person open your email promptly.
If you are employed by a company, you will use its address format for work. But most people have additional email accounts that they use for personal communication and certain work-related business, such as a job search. Other individuals may be in business for themselves, or they may be recent graduates who need a professional address to connect with the world. Take note of these 6 tips before choosing your email address:
1. Use your name in your email address. People will know immediately who has sent the email. Use either your full name or your first initial and last name (bpachter@pachter.com). Avoid using just initials. People may not recognize that “BHP” stands for “Barbara Hope Pachter.”
2. Do not use a cutesy name in business. Yes, there may be exceptions if you are in marketing or an unusual field, but in most business situations, using something like “sexydiva109@” sends an unprofessional message.
3. Get creative if your name is already taken. You may need to add your middle name, middle initial, or a number to your name.
4. Be consistent with your address. Some people have multiple addresses, using myriad variations of their names in them. It can be confusing to others if one day you are sjones@ and the next SusanJonesSmith@. Also, if you are no longer a student, it’s time to replace your university address. You want to be recognized, and your new or potential colleagues may not know that you are abc@xyzuniversity.edu.
5. Have your own domain. If you are in business for yourself, consider using your business name as your domain. For example: Tom.Jones@xyzconsulting.com. It lends substance to your business.
6. Let people know if your email address changes. Send an email to everyone on your mailing list. Also update your social media sites.
Additional information about email can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success. (www.pachter.com)
A director of a national organization expressed the above frustration after my talk on etiquette at a recent conference.
Your email address is important. It can convey a lot of information about you, including your name and where you work, and even your age range – think about the difference in your responses to those who use gmail.com (mostly millennials) versus people using aol.com (probably boomers).
The goal of a good address is to identify you to the recipient and to have that person open your email promptly.
If you are employed by a company, you will use its address format for work. But most people have additional email accounts that they use for personal communication and certain work-related business, such as a job search. Other individuals may be in business for themselves, or they may be recent graduates who need a professional address to connect with the world. Take note of these 6 tips before choosing your email address:
1. Use your name in your email address. People will know immediately who has sent the email. Use either your full name or your first initial and last name (bpachter@pachter.com). Avoid using just initials. People may not recognize that “BHP” stands for “Barbara Hope Pachter.”
2. Do not use a cutesy name in business. Yes, there may be exceptions if you are in marketing or an unusual field, but in most business situations, using something like “sexydiva109@” sends an unprofessional message.
3. Get creative if your name is already taken. You may need to add your middle name, middle initial, or a number to your name.
4. Be consistent with your address. Some people have multiple addresses, using myriad variations of their names in them. It can be confusing to others if one day you are sjones@ and the next SusanJonesSmith@. Also, if you are no longer a student, it’s time to replace your university address. You want to be recognized, and your new or potential colleagues may not know that you are abc@xyzuniversity.edu.
5. Have your own domain. If you are in business for yourself, consider using your business name as your domain. For example: Tom.Jones@xyzconsulting.com. It lends substance to your business. 6. Let people know if your email address changes. Send an email to everyone on your mailing list. Also update your social media sites.
Additional information about email can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success. (www.pachter.com)
January 8, 2014
The Survival of Business Cards: 6 Tips to Update Them in a Social Media World
Sometimes, the more things change, the more they really do stay the same.
In a recent Boston Globe story headlined Among Tech Crowd, the Paper Business Card Endures, reporter Callum Borchers discusses, in what may be a surprise to some, that business cards haven’t been replaced by technology. He writes: “Of the many things swept away in the outgoing tide of an increasingly digitized economy, the lowly business card has been an odd and unlikely survivor.”
Business cards have always served as a shorthand way to tell people what you do, and provide information for them to contact you. They still do that, easily and efficiently. But because social media has changed the way we connect with our customers, clients, colleagues and prospective employers, your card may need to be updated.
When I gave my revised card to a potential client, she commented that since my Facebook business page (www.facebook.com/pachtertraining) was on the card, it would be easy for her to review the site.
You will have to decide how much to include on your card, and how to do so without overloading it. To help you make that decision, ask yourself these 6 questions:
1. Have I included the necessary information? Think about the majority of your potential clients and customers, and include the information they will need. Usually this means your name, your title, company name/logo, address, phone number, and email and web addresses.
2. What can I eliminate? Is the information on the card easy to read? Make sure your card is visually appealing. Can you eliminate your fax number? Do you need both your business and cell phone numbers? If you have a lot to include, use the back for the less-essential information.
3. Which social media addresses do I use for business? Include the social media addresses that help you stay in contact with your customers, clients, etc. If adding all your links overwhelms the card, place them on the back. When you hand your card to someone, you can point this out by saying, “If you want to connect with me by social media, my addresses are on the back.”
4. Should I include a quick response (QR) code? These are bar codes that can be scanned by Smartphones to provide a link to your websites, LinkedIn profile, or other pertinent material. If you find using a QR code useful in your field, it usually is best placed on the back of the card.
5. Is a photograph necessary? Most corporate cards do not include photographs, but you may want to include a photograph if you use your card for marketing purposes. If you do so, make sure to use a photograph that looks like you now, and not some unrecognizable version of a younger you. Speakers will often have photographs of themselves on their cards. Information on giving out your cards can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
6. Will an unusual card be helpful? If you use an out-of-the ordinary card—one with an uncommon shape or design—make sure it is appropriate for your field or industry.
One last thing: Always carry your cards with you. You never know when you may encounter someone to whom you want to give your updated card.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
In a recent Boston Globe story headlined Among Tech Crowd, the Paper Business Card Endures, reporter Callum Borchers discusses, in what may be a surprise to some, that business cards haven’t been replaced by technology. He writes: “Of the many things swept away in the outgoing tide of an increasingly digitized economy, the lowly business card has been an odd and unlikely survivor.”
Business cards have always served as a shorthand way to tell people what you do, and provide information for them to contact you. They still do that, easily and efficiently. But because social media has changed the way we connect with our customers, clients, colleagues and prospective employers, your card may need to be updated.
When I gave my revised card to a potential client, she commented that since my Facebook business page (www.facebook.com/pachtertraining) was on the card, it would be easy for her to review the site.
You will have to decide how much to include on your card, and how to do so without overloading it. To help you make that decision, ask yourself these 6 questions:
1. Have I included the necessary information? Think about the majority of your potential clients and customers, and include the information they will need. Usually this means your name, your title, company name/logo, address, phone number, and email and web addresses.
2. What can I eliminate? Is the information on the card easy to read? Make sure your card is visually appealing. Can you eliminate your fax number? Do you need both your business and cell phone numbers? If you have a lot to include, use the back for the less-essential information.
3. Which social media addresses do I use for business? Include the social media addresses that help you stay in contact with your customers, clients, etc. If adding all your links overwhelms the card, place them on the back. When you hand your card to someone, you can point this out by saying, “If you want to connect with me by social media, my addresses are on the back.”4. Should I include a quick response (QR) code? These are bar codes that can be scanned by Smartphones to provide a link to your websites, LinkedIn profile, or other pertinent material. If you find using a QR code useful in your field, it usually is best placed on the back of the card.
5. Is a photograph necessary? Most corporate cards do not include photographs, but you may want to include a photograph if you use your card for marketing purposes. If you do so, make sure to use a photograph that looks like you now, and not some unrecognizable version of a younger you. Speakers will often have photographs of themselves on their cards. Information on giving out your cards can be found in my book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success.
6. Will an unusual card be helpful? If you use an out-of-the ordinary card—one with an uncommon shape or design—make sure it is appropriate for your field or industry.
One last thing: Always carry your cards with you. You never know when you may encounter someone to whom you want to give your updated card.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
December 10, 2013
7 Ways to Avoid Arguments During the Holiday Season
A woman threw a cookbook at her sister-in-law and screamed: “Maybe now you can cook a holiday dinner for us sometime.”
With the holiday season here again, there are lots of opportunities for gift-giving, party-going and joyful celebrating. But, as the above story illustrates, there are also lots of opportunities for conflict.
It’s easy for people to become stressed during the holidays, and as a result to become bothered by or blow up at another person’s behavior. Plus, we tend to have the same conflicts year after year with the same people – conflicts that are never resolved but simply pushed aside until they flare up again.
Here are 7 “polite and powerful” suggestions for handling holiday conflict:
1. Accept what you can influence and what you can’t. When you realize that you don’t have control over everything, it is much easier to accept things that are not within your power to manage. If your father has remarried, he will bring his wife to the New Year’s brunch.
2. Ask yourself: does it really matter? Can you let it go? If you see your great aunt only once a year, can you tolerate her behavior? Yes, I know you are hearing her stories for the tenth time, but listening to her recall a happier time in her life is a kindness to her.
3. Identify the real issue. When you get upset, it can be difficult to zero in on what truly is bothering you. Take time and think about the situation. It is easy to get upset about a current situation that masks a deeper concern. Is the issue that your brother arrives late to the holiday dinner, or that he doesn’t visit your mother in her retirement home?
4. Be clear about what you want from the person. We often get upset with someone, but we don’t always know what we want from the other person. Be specific. If you would like your sister-in-law to contribute to the holiday dinner, you can ask: “Joan, will you please bring a vegetable dish on Sunday?” Additional information on putting your words together for a positive confrontation can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.
5. Use polite language. Practice saying the words out loud. Listen to how they sound. Are they harsh or attacking? Don’t pounce on the other person with statements such as “You’re selfish…” or “You’re such a cheap-skate… .” These types of accusations are counterproductive to resolving conflict, and can lead to more conflict.
6. Confront in private. If you do decide to say something, you don’t want others to hear the conversation. It can be embarrassing to the other person and to the people who hear the discussion. By extension, this means no posting any comments about the conversation on any social media sites. Also, make sure you are calm when you initiate this talk. If you are agitated, it is easy to blow up.
7. Listen to the other person’s response. He or she may offer a reasonable alternative point of view, or provide an explanation for the behavior. Perhaps your sister isn’t flying home for the holidays because of financial difficulties she is too embarrassed to discuss.
When you know how to confront politely on the major issues, it is easier to let the little ones go. Enjoy your time with family and friends. Happy holidays!
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on assertive communication and conflict. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
With the holiday season here again, there are lots of opportunities for gift-giving, party-going and joyful celebrating. But, as the above story illustrates, there are also lots of opportunities for conflict.
It’s easy for people to become stressed during the holidays, and as a result to become bothered by or blow up at another person’s behavior. Plus, we tend to have the same conflicts year after year with the same people – conflicts that are never resolved but simply pushed aside until they flare up again.
Here are 7 “polite and powerful” suggestions for handling holiday conflict:
1. Accept what you can influence and what you can’t. When you realize that you don’t have control over everything, it is much easier to accept things that are not within your power to manage. If your father has remarried, he will bring his wife to the New Year’s brunch.
2. Ask yourself: does it really matter? Can you let it go? If you see your great aunt only once a year, can you tolerate her behavior? Yes, I know you are hearing her stories for the tenth time, but listening to her recall a happier time in her life is a kindness to her.
3. Identify the real issue. When you get upset, it can be difficult to zero in on what truly is bothering you. Take time and think about the situation. It is easy to get upset about a current situation that masks a deeper concern. Is the issue that your brother arrives late to the holiday dinner, or that he doesn’t visit your mother in her retirement home?
4. Be clear about what you want from the person. We often get upset with someone, but we don’t always know what we want from the other person. Be specific. If you would like your sister-in-law to contribute to the holiday dinner, you can ask: “Joan, will you please bring a vegetable dish on Sunday?” Additional information on putting your words together for a positive confrontation can be found in my book, The Power of Positive Confrontation.
5. Use polite language. Practice saying the words out loud. Listen to how they sound. Are they harsh or attacking? Don’t pounce on the other person with statements such as “You’re selfish…” or “You’re such a cheap-skate… .” These types of accusations are counterproductive to resolving conflict, and can lead to more conflict.
6. Confront in private. If you do decide to say something, you don’t want others to hear the conversation. It can be embarrassing to the other person and to the people who hear the discussion. By extension, this means no posting any comments about the conversation on any social media sites. Also, make sure you are calm when you initiate this talk. If you are agitated, it is easy to blow up.
7. Listen to the other person’s response. He or she may offer a reasonable alternative point of view, or provide an explanation for the behavior. Perhaps your sister isn’t flying home for the holidays because of financial difficulties she is too embarrassed to discuss.
When you know how to confront politely on the major issues, it is easier to let the little ones go. Enjoy your time with family and friends. Happy holidays!
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on assertive communication and conflict. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at 856.751.6141 or joyce@pachter.com.
November 20, 2013
On a Job Search? Avoid These 6 Social Media Mistakes
A couple of weeks ago, a Human Resources person took me aside after an etiquette seminar and asked me to make sure I tell people that “asking to connect with an interviewer on LinkedIn right after an interview is considered pushy.”
Her statement got me thinking. In today’s world, social media has become an integral part of any job search. My son got his first professional position by responding to a LinkedIn job posting. I have gotten clients from Twitter. Yet social media hasn’t been around long enough for people to understand fully how easy it is to make career-limiting blunders with their posts/tweets/requests.
In addition to the above misstep on LinkedIn, in which the job seeker put the interviewer in the uncomfortable position of accepting or ignoring someone who hadn't yet been hired, avoid these 6 mistakes when using social media during your job search:
1. Posting interview details on Facebook. Keep your interview life private. Your friends only need to know that you are looking for work or have gotten a new job. If you announce on Facebook how wonderful your interview was with a particular company, you may have to announce the following week that you didn’t get the job. Ouch. Plus, other people now know there is an opening at that company, and they may apply.
2. Not checking your equipment before interviewing remotely. One young man didn’t realize that the sound was not working on his Skype connection until his interview began. After an awkward few moments of trying to get the sound working, he had to do the interview on the phone, and felt embarrassed throughout the conversation. Additional information about conducting meetings via Skype can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.
3. Not keeping your social media sites appropriate throughout your entire job search. You will be checked out by prospective employers. People generally clean up their sites before they start a search, but often forget to keep them suitably professional throughout their search. It is very easy to post thoughtless comments and later realize that what you've posted isn't something you would want a prospective employer to see. The best way to avoid this mistake is to keep your sites professionally appropriate at all times.
4. Tweeting comments about an interview. This mistake is similar to number one, but Twitter allows you to engage with people you know as well as those you don’t know, quickly and succinctly. Most companies check their Twitter feed to see any comments made about them. A now-famous example of an inappropriate tweet after an interview came from a woman who tweeted: "Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.”
5. Not looking like your photograph on any of your social media sites. One woman was told by a recruiter that the company with whom she had just interviewed had felt deceived. In her LinkedIn profile she looked like a polished professional. She showed up for her interview in casual, disheveled clothing and with a messy hairstyle, looking very different from her photograph.
6. Using YouTube to quit your previous job. When you do land a new job, make sure you leave your current position in a respectful manner. Some people have recorded their creative resignations on video and uploaded them to YouTube. Very occasionally, this approach may work, but before you do anything so dramatic, make sure you aren’t burning any bridges. Remember, online is forever. Read more about quitting on YouTube in this linked Business Insider article.
Pachter & Associates provides career, business etiquette and communications training and coaching. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
Her statement got me thinking. In today’s world, social media has become an integral part of any job search. My son got his first professional position by responding to a LinkedIn job posting. I have gotten clients from Twitter. Yet social media hasn’t been around long enough for people to understand fully how easy it is to make career-limiting blunders with their posts/tweets/requests.
In addition to the above misstep on LinkedIn, in which the job seeker put the interviewer in the uncomfortable position of accepting or ignoring someone who hadn't yet been hired, avoid these 6 mistakes when using social media during your job search:
1. Posting interview details on Facebook. Keep your interview life private. Your friends only need to know that you are looking for work or have gotten a new job. If you announce on Facebook how wonderful your interview was with a particular company, you may have to announce the following week that you didn’t get the job. Ouch. Plus, other people now know there is an opening at that company, and they may apply.
2. Not checking your equipment before interviewing remotely. One young man didn’t realize that the sound was not working on his Skype connection until his interview began. After an awkward few moments of trying to get the sound working, he had to do the interview on the phone, and felt embarrassed throughout the conversation. Additional information about conducting meetings via Skype can be found in my new book, The Essentials of Business Etiquette.
3. Not keeping your social media sites appropriate throughout your entire job search. You will be checked out by prospective employers. People generally clean up their sites before they start a search, but often forget to keep them suitably professional throughout their search. It is very easy to post thoughtless comments and later realize that what you've posted isn't something you would want a prospective employer to see. The best way to avoid this mistake is to keep your sites professionally appropriate at all times.
4. Tweeting comments about an interview. This mistake is similar to number one, but Twitter allows you to engage with people you know as well as those you don’t know, quickly and succinctly. Most companies check their Twitter feed to see any comments made about them. A now-famous example of an inappropriate tweet after an interview came from a woman who tweeted: "Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.”
5. Not looking like your photograph on any of your social media sites. One woman was told by a recruiter that the company with whom she had just interviewed had felt deceived. In her LinkedIn profile she looked like a polished professional. She showed up for her interview in casual, disheveled clothing and with a messy hairstyle, looking very different from her photograph.
6. Using YouTube to quit your previous job. When you do land a new job, make sure you leave your current position in a respectful manner. Some people have recorded their creative resignations on video and uploaded them to YouTube. Very occasionally, this approach may work, but before you do anything so dramatic, make sure you aren’t burning any bridges. Remember, online is forever. Read more about quitting on YouTube in this linked Business Insider article.
Pachter & Associates provides career, business etiquette and communications training and coaching. For more information, contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com or 856.751.6141.
