Molly Fletcher's Blog, page 18

7 Life Lessons from Growing Up with Brothers

Families are our first classroom, and in mine I learned the power of fearlessness. For National Siblings Day, I want to tell you the story of my twin brothers, John and Jim West. They dared me to follow them, and their spirit of adventure made me see the world as full of possibility.

1. Be a fierce competitor.

When I was born, my brothers were 5, so it was always up to me to join in their world (not the other way around). They would be wrestling and fighting and I wanted in. Pretty soon one of them would take me down and I’d go crying to the sidelines.

Comfort? Not in this crowd. My brothers didn’t care if I couldn’t take it. Neither did my Mom or Dad. If you stepped into the fray, you figured it out.

The wrestling, fighting and endless competition was straightforward. If you didn’t have or get the resources to stay in the fight, no one was going to give them to you. In this space, my resolve and grit increased, and I became more fearless.

2. Don’t take life too seriously.

By the time my brothers were high school seniors, I was in eighth grade. It was like watching a preview of being a teenager and making (questionable) choices. To say they were risk takers in an understatement.

One time we were on vacation at Lake Michigan. Dad was laying out on the beach. He was a pharmaceutical sales rep who loved nothing more than spending time with us. But this day, he was tired and the sun was golden and there he was, napping on the beach.

Jimmy and Johnny decided the perfect prank would be to surprise dad by starting a fire. They lit a small section of grass on fire and let it go just long enough to wake Dad up in a panic before dousing the flames.

From watching their pranks and troublemaking, I learned to not always take life quite so seriously. Through them, I saw a boldness that I could copy when the time was right for me.

3. Practice confidence under pressure.

Dad enrolled my brothers in flying lessons at any early age. By 16, they had their pilot licenses. Today, they are both commercial pilots and Johnny is a former Navy aviator who graduated from “Top Gun” school.

Thousands of hours of flight time and crisis simulations taught my brothers to stay calm under pressure and execute. It’s almost annoying to hear them criticize how other people panic when things go really wrong. After all of Jimmy and Johnny’s time in the air, and all that practice, the fear has been nearly bred out of them.

I didn’t follow their footsteps to flying, but their fearlessness influenced me greatly. They modeled the confidence I needed to break into the male-dominated world of sports agents and fueled the fearlessness I needed to negotiate toe to toe with people a lot like them.

4. Broaden your world.

As tight as my family is, the door always was open to other opportunities. When I saw my brothers leave the comfort of home in Michigan, that inspired me. One brother spent summers as a lifeguard in Maryland. The other chose college in Alabama (at Auburn).

I stayed close, going to Michigan State for college. But I knew I wanted to test myself like they had, and their choices helped frame my decision to move to Atlanta. They had toughened me up for the challenge of starting a new life in a new city on my own.

5. No pain; no gain.

This was my brothers’ favorite motto and it stuck with me. Every day before I even got up for school, they would wake up at 5 am for their job on the paper route, delivering newspapers in the snow.

They transferred that same mental and physical discipline when it came time for their ROTC training. I learned early from them that great things don’t come without sacrifice, and when you work hard, cool things can happen.

6. There are lots of ways to get where you want to go.

Jimmy’s lifelong dream was always to be a pilot, so he was devastated when he didn’t get into the Air Force Academy. But instead of letting it crush his dreams, he went to school in California to improve his test scores.

Six months later, he got a perfect score, and was accepted into the Air Force Academy. Meanwhile, Johnny was at Auburn where he would mail Jimmy letters about how awesome his college experience was. Jimmy completed his first few years at the Academy… then packed his bags and transferred to Auburn.

A lot of people thought he was crazy. But Jimmy wasn’t giving up on his dream; he just knew he could create his own path to get there. And he did!

7. Marry someone who makes you better and you make better.

Big brothers also come in handy for dating advice, and when I was in my 20s, Johnny would always tell me: “Marry someone who makes you better and you make better.” I don’t know if he would even remember his brotherly words of wisdom now, but I do. I took it to heart and live it every day with my amazing husband of 15 years, Fred.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Our siblings are our longest-lasting family ties and shape our lives in important ways. Despite our busy lives and crazy travel schedules, I still talk to my brothers 6 – 7 times every week. I’m grateful every day that they treated me like a little brother when we were growing up, and I would not be who I am today without them. If you have a sibling, I challenge you to list what you learned from (or what you love about) them and share it with them!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Four Leadership Secrets from the Great UConn Coach Geno Auriemma

It’s so rare when someone dominates a sport—or a company crushes its competition—and then sets the bar even higher.

That’s what we’re seeing in women’s basketball. Geno Auriemma has coached the UConn Huskies to the verge of their fourth straight national title. That’s never been done. Geno’s team has won 73 consecutive games, and this season, their average margin of victory almost looks like a typo: 40 points! Every game for UConn is a test of whether they can remain on top, and they thrive in that space.

The one constant over the years has been Geno and his no-nonsense coaching philosophy. What makes his teams so fearless? Here are the four secrets I see that spell out the answer (and his first name).

G ive each player what she needs, not what she wants.

One of his mentees, now coaching peer Sherri Coales, put it this way: “As keen as his gift is for X’s and O’s, Geno’s gift for affecting people is greater. The masses want to say he wins because he has the best players. He definitely has the best players. Geno wins because he makes the best players better versions of themselves.” Case in point: Rebecca Lobo, became the face of the sport 20 years ago. She recalled that Geno “makes you do things physically and mentally you didn’t know you were capable of.”

E mpower your group to figure it out.

Trust in each team member until you are proven wrong. Geno considers himself a general who depends on his troops working well together on their own. They are on the court, not him. He trains them to think for themselves first and worry about consequences later. What this goes back to is his simple, powerful message: Each person must take what she is good at and become great at it.

N o apologies for high demands.

“You guys aren’t good yet!” Geno can be heard yelling after another blowout win. They are used to practices that are harder than any games, because that’s Geno’s way of making them ready for anything. And his best players get the brunt of his tough standards, with major results. “I had to be pushed to a level that I didn’t know I could play at,” says UConn star Breanna Stewart, who some observers think may be the best to ever play this sport.

O wn your mistakes.

This is important in elite sports and as a life habit. Here’s vintage Geno: “If you accept making mistakes because it’s a game… then as you go on in the rest of your life, and the stakes get higher and things get tougher, the only thing you learned is how to make mistakes and excuses.”

Your Game Changer Takeaway

UConn’s women’s basketball program is a great example of a culture where dominant success is the norm. Expectations and culture start at the top, and Geno Auriemma consistently delivers excellence by making his expectations crystal clear. They want to play for him because together they are more than the sum of their parts. Because he fearlessly and authentically challenges them and the status quo, they trust him and dig into their potential. In this stratosphere of peak performance, the question is no longer whether his Huskies will win, but by how much.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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6 Tips for Couples Who Travel for Work

Search for the words “spouse travels for work” and you will get something like 723,000 results. Nurturing a relationship is hard enough without mixing in travel schedules that mean time apart. It’s a reality for many people, and one that I fully understand! My speaking engagements are all over the world, which means I am often traveling during the week, and my husband Fred has a demanding career as well. Without each other’s unconditional support, I have no idea how this life would work for us.

If you or your partner travels for work, the following tips can help you better support one another and prevent a lot of guilt and resentment that can arise for couples like us.

1. Don’t keep score. While your work may be highly competitive, that mindset can be detrimental to marriage. The more you think in terms of sharing assets, and the more your empathy guides your thoughts and actions, the more positivity you will project to your significant other (and the more joy will come to you both). Building a partnership focuses not on your gain, but the other person’s. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your relationship.

2. Keep a team mindset. This is the opposite of keeping score. A team mindset is created by each person knowing that the other is there for them. It is created through consistent small acts of generosity, such as giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Based on a recent conversation with Fred, I adjusted my travel schedule to take our three girls to school in the morning before I leave. That gives Fred a head start on reaching his goals while I am away.

3. Create an “on the road” ritual. Being apart doesn’t mean you can’t be connected. If I have a speech, Fred always texts or calls me about an hour before it starts, or if he has a big meeting I will do the same. Reminding your partner that you remember and are “there” for their big moment is a little act that makes a big difference.

4. Say no. When I am out of town, Fred often turns down work-related invitations to dinners and cocktails. He has to be more efficient with his office time, and cope with less time for himself. Saying no creates room for saying ‘yes’ to what matters.

5. Protect your time together. When Fred and I come home—especially after work trips– our focus is always on each other and our three daughters. Because of our busy schedules, we have to protect our time together. It may seem silly to “schedule” time with your spouse, but Fred and I will put it on our calendars. We love to take a Friday off to golf, have date night at our favorite restaurant, or check out a concert at a local venue. Building in that time together gives us something to look forward to when our schedules are hectic and makes us more appreciative of the time we do have together.

6. Stay conscientious of how your partner recharges. Traveling can be an energy drain, but so can being the person at home left to manage those duties. Value both and be conscientious about how your partner recharges. When I get back from a work trip, Fred always makes sure he gives me time the next day to fit in yoga, which is how I recharge after a trip. It’s a little gesture but it goes a long way.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Congrats to all of you couples who are supporting each other as one or both of you travel for work. Fred and I hope the tips here will help you thrive—please comment and share what helps you balance life, work and being on the road.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Fearless Living: Uber Drivers Share Their Inspirational Messages

Keynote speaking takes me all over the country, and I often call an Uber driver when I need a ride. Sometimes en route to my destination, I also learn a few life lessons from listening to the unique stories of my drivers. In our conversations, I’ve discovered that many Uber drivers are living out a lot of the tools—like fearlessness—that are the same tools that are so important for corporate teams and individuals who want to achieve peak performance.

Let me introduce you to a few of these amazing folks.

1. Only you can live your own fearlessness .

A driver in Los Angeles shared that he was a recovering addict who was devoting his life to clean living. Because I have people close to me who have fought this same fight, I asked him to tell me more. He was so matter of fact about this journey. His loved ones told him he needed to change, but that wasn’t enough for him to quit his addiction. He had to get to the point for himself where he decided that he did not want to die. He had to do it on his own. If you work with or love people who don’t want to make a change, you can’t get them there until they want that for themselves.

2 . A single act of fearlessness can make a meaningful connection.

I was on an important phone call with my dad when the Uber car pulled up to the curb at the Atlanta airport. After ending the call with “I love you, Dad!” I apologized to the driver for my rudeness.

“Oh hey, that’s your dad, that’s priority No. 1,” he said cheerfully. I agreed, then asked him, “How are you?”

The answer inspired me: He told me that the stress he saw in most of his passengers helped him see how much he enjoyed his job and its simplicity. And he told me that no passenger had ever asked him how he was doing. Maybe they were too self-absorbed? I knew how he felt. As a sports agent, I got used to being part of the familiar furniture in the lives of my clients. In my current role as a speaker and author, as I follow my personal mission statement, I have found much greater balance, purpose and meaning in what I uniquely can give to others.

When we authentically and fearlessly reach out, we find common ground and sometimes clarity about priorities—in this Uber car, anyway!

3. Small habits add up to big outcomes (literally).

Another driver in Phoenix was a big guy who told me about his personal records for lifting weights. He was justifiably proud, because the numbers for his best bench, squat and other lifts were significant. His workouts had stopped, though, six months earlier when his wife gave birth, and now the steering wheel was bumping up against his belly.

“The baby’s up at night, I’m working all the time, I don’t have time to go to the gym,” he told me, saying that he had gained 45 pounds since the birth of their baby.

“You clearly love working out. What does it look like for you to take 30 minutes to go to the gym?” I asked him. “You need an outlet for yourself. Can you schedule time to do that, and protect that time on your calendar?”

He seemed to like the idea, and I hope he has figured out a way to reclaim that part of himself and his health. We all know people who have slid into bad health one small decision at a time. Peak productivity results from embracing better decisions consistently over time; I like to call this seizing little moments for big outcomes.

4. Keep going, and help others to do the same.

Recently in Atlanta, my Uber driver recounted growing up in Uganda after his father was killed. He made it to the United States by himself, and settled in San Diego with the help of Catholic Social Services.

CSS just happens to be one of the charities that my church supports. His story reminded me of the importance of sharing what we can, how giving is full engagement. When we give, we don’t see all the people who benefit.

CSS ended up helping this guy’s brother and mom join him here. Today he works two jobs, his kids go to private school, and I bet you couldn’t find someone more grateful.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Even introverts will benefit from taking the risk to connect with others who seem so different. Reaching out, even with a simple “how are you?,” is a low-stakes way to nurture fearlessness, and you never know who might inspire you or who you might inspire. Try it at the grocery store, Starbucks or maybe on your next Uber trip, and tell me your story!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Trading Perfectionism for Productivity

If you are one of the millions of people filling out a March Madness bracket this week, you are more likely to become an astronaut than you are to pick all the winners. The best odds are 1 in 128 billion according to the NCAA!

Yet we still play and accept that we simply want to pick the most winners. That’s how you win the pool. You win by minimizing your losses. It’s all on paper, and the results are in the hands of the teams who are playing. But this mindset can translate to our real work, to what we can control. The way we approach March Madness can improve our productivity.

What High Performers Know

Failure is integral to success. That’s what I observed over and over with the athletes and coaches that I represented. The Major League Baseball players knew that the only time they batted 1.000 was their first few plate appearances, if that. A team’s ability to recover quickly from adversity is the difference between good and great. There are rarely perfect seasons, so the ability to move forward from a mistake is critical. Sometimes the teams that struggle early are the ones that are still around in late March. They have been battle tested and they’ve had to respond to adversity before, so they know how to handle it.

Coaches like Nick Saban embrace imperfection by focusing on what they can control. Their process of preparing and executing is what they can influence, and they pour themselves into that. They love the work they are doing as they anticipation of success.

Just like any of us picking our brackets, there are so many factors coaches cannot control (whether their players avoid injury, whether they end up in the right bracket or schedule, and whether the breaks go their way). The best don’t spend energy chasing perfection as defined by anyone else, and staying focused has produced dominant teams that win far more often than they lose.

Great is Not Perfect

When I think about basketball greatness, Pat Summitt always comes to mind. A coach so gifted at molding a different set of players every season into winners, for 38 years.

And yet, Pat would be the first to tell you that her record is built on simply winning more than losing. Not perfection. She focused on getting her team ready for the NCAA tournament, to erase as many of their imperfections during the regular season so they could be ready for a run at the national title.

They won eight national championships, and her greatness is that she positioned them so often for this opportunity. Tennessee advanced to 18 Final Fours in her tenure, and when all was said and done, had won 112 games in the NCAA tournament.

In the Summitt era, if you followed the odds, you’d bet your bracket on her team going all the way. But you know what? Tennessee wasn’t perfect. It lost 23 games in March Madness, too.

Embracing Imperfection Enables Risk

The power of embracing imperfection is that it allows you to accept more risk (picking any No. 14 seeds this year?) This is so important in our real work. It is the way we grow. Perfectionism leads to a fixed mindset, and keep us from tapping our courage.

One place we see this happening is with our children, especially our daughters. A recent TED Talk by Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code, makes the point that when we raise children to be perfect, we are not encouraging them to be brave. Taking risks is the way we move society forward through innovation. “Tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection,” Reshma says.

I think we all need to hear that!

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Bracketology is one way of understanding that when we let go of the expectation of perfection, we can focus on the progress we are making. Too often perfectionism prevents us from reaching our goals. The fear of imperfection can even be suffocating. Let go of perfect and get in the game, keep going, and ultimately reach your unique success.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Here’s What a Fearless Woman Looks Like

Samantha Reinders for NPR

If you want to get a good look at fearlessness, go to a place where there is plenty to fear, especially for women. That’s what is so inspiring about this story about women helping young women in Zambia learn to negotiate, and in honor of International Women’s Day (March 8) and Women’s History Month (March), I share this to encourage your own fearlessness.

Here’s what a fearless woman looks like: She is 15 and needs $150 for her school fees so she can finish tenth grade. That’s a lot of money in Zambia, where she lives. It’s one of the poorest countries in the world, and one of the most violent for women. There are a lot of no’s for a girl like Madalitso Mulando. A lot of fear built into daily life.

I love the way she solved this, and as I tell you the rest of the story, I’ll point out how she built her fearlessness.

1. She prepared well. Some women offered her a way to help. Not to pay for her fees, but to teach Madalitso a skill that she could use the rest of her life in tough situations involving money or her dreams. They taught her Harvard Business School negotiation skills, and Madalitso tapped into her fearlessness. “I learned a lot in negotiation,” she says. “If you want to ask something, you need to tell them what you want.”

2. She sought clarity. Madalitso realized that to cold-call her relatives, she’d have to be crystal clear about her intention to finish school. Because most schoolgirls in Zambia drop out, she would have to prove that she wouldn’t end up just another statistic. She had to believe she was worth investing in before she could persuade anyone else.

3. She had to risk a “no.” Men and women shy away from negotiation because it does open you up to rejection. But Madalitso still went for it. She chose not to filter the world through fear, but through opportunity and curiosity. She negotiated successfully with her relatives to help pay for her school fees, and the process boosted her confidence. Her fearlessness.

4. She established common ground. Negotiation training taught her about shared values and incentives, so instead of asking her relatives for money, she focused on expressing how much she desired to finish her education, something that her family valued, and what she needed to achieve that goal.

5. She tapped into other fearless women. Madalitso’s sister gave her $75 to stay in school, which is about half of the typical monthly income in Zambia. after she negotiated fearlessly. and her fearlessness is carrying over now the girl hopes her younger female cousin will learn how to negotiate for herself.

6. She leveraged a small moment for a big outcome. Fearlessness often starts small, and an action like Madalitso took can be huge for a country like Zambia. World Bank research shows that when girls in developing countries complete high school, they are more likely to earn more. Their kids will go further, too, because she modeled fearlessness. The choices of teenage girls everywhere can improve their families for generations. They can shake the world.

7. She continues to work her plan. School means walking an hour each way from her house in a slum, past mangy chickens and mobile phone shops on flooded, muddy roads. Her goal is medical school, and her commute builds her fearlessness. She is not letting that get in the way of her dreams.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Fearlessness is important to have in negotiation no matter who you are, and essential if you are a woman in one of the poorest countries in the world who is trying to make her life better. Who inspires you to trade fear for opportunity, to look for the small choices each day that lead up to big change?

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

The post Here’s What a Fearless Woman Looks Like appeared first on Molly Fletcher.

My Secret to Productivity? Hint: It’s Not Multitasking

Given the 24 extra hours we all get this Leap Year 2016, what’s the secret to getting the most out of our time? This year, my focus has been to accomplish more by doing less.

That might look like a typo or sound impossible, but it’s not. It’s called slowing down and doing one focused thing at a time.  And it works.

The Old Mindset

Between owning my own business that requires me to travel, and juggling the busy family schedule that comes with having three almost teenage daughters, I have a very intense to-do list. I love it, I really do, and multitasking used to be a point of pride. One of my favorite stories involves my days as a new mom and sports agent with high-profile clients. When Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz asked me what that sound was in the background of our phone call, that was me pumping breast milk while driving to the Master’s.

When my children got a little older, you’d have seen me negotiating contracts on my cellphone while playing hopscotch. If I wasn’t doing at least two things at a time, I was thinking about how many I could cram in.

A New Strategy

I started to see some problems with this game plan. Let me share a personal example of what began happening more and more. Or maybe I just started to notice it more.

I was at the grocery store, going through the list of what I needed to pick up, while I was talking to my mom on the phone. Back home, as my husband Fred was helping me unpack the groceries, several items were wrong or missing. He knew why. “Who were you on the phone with at the grocery store?” he asked.

Busted.

So much for productivity, I thought to myself as I headed back to the store.

Around this time, I was trying to defend my multitasking habits to a friend who is an expert about how people use energy for success, and she interrupted me.  “OK, Molly, try this,” she said, handing me a notecard.  “Write the alphabet while you give me directions from your house to your daughters’ school.”

I got past A, B, and C, but after that, my brain was scrambled. By D, I was done.

Recent Research

A recent article in the Harvard Business Review validated my experiences (and if you relate to what I am saying, we are not alone.) Many people are counting the cost of jumping from one thing to the next and back again. The human brain saps one-fifth of our energy, and uses more calories when it processes lots of new information, and even more fuel when you jump from subject to subject.

“People who organize their time in a way that allows them to focus are not only going to get more done, but they’ll be less tired and less neurochemically depleted after doing it,” said neuroscientist Daniel Levitin.

This Leap Year, I decided, would center on peak performance through practicing full engagement. Every day, I try to be intentional about unitasking. One thing at a time.

Holding the Center

I’m not there yet, but I sure feel more focused and fulfilled—and I’m getting more done because I don’t have as many redo’s. Not as many trips back to the store.

When I don’t split my energies or run too many programs at the same time in the computer known as my brain, I can put myself fully into one thing, knock it out and move on to my next task quicker. I’m clearer on how I use my time and how my actions relate to my goals.

My duties as a working parent haven’t gone away; I have just found a saner way for me to approach the juggle by having my eye on one ball at a time. I’m starting to understand what other people mean when they talk about the joy of doing one thing at a time.

I believe that over time, this new level of mindfulness will help me show up as my best self more often. Full engagement means being a better leader, better parent, better friend, better everything really.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

As odd as it sounds, you can be more productive by giving up multitasking, which is unsustainable. If you want to be fully engaged—physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually—you can’t do two things at once. And isn’t full engagement what most of us want, to be present for the people we love and the work that brings us meaning?

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

The post My Secret to Productivity? Hint: It’s Not Multitasking appeared first on Molly Fletcher.

3 Ways To Develop Positive Thinking Through Self-Talk

Photo by Ryan McGuire

Do you ever think about how many thoughts go through our heads each day? Is it 50,000? 70,000? Whatever the number, a big percentage of those thoughts are what we tell ourselves about our world and how we are doing in it. Every day, you have a ton of opportunities to make your life better, to point your way to growth and success, to feel more fulfilled and happy.

Positive thinking through self-talk is a major reason that Navy SEALs withstand incredibly rigorous training such as staying underwater for 20 minutes as their face masks get ripped off and they nearly drown. How would anyone overcome fear and discomfort like that? The SEALS hypnotize themselves through self-talk messages such as, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”

Positive thinking through self-talk is a small change with a big outcome.

What is Self-talk?

“But Molly, my head is not something I control. My thoughts just happen. What do you mean I can fix my thoughts?”

I get this a lot, and it’s a great starting point for tapping the power of positive thinking. Self-talk is what we tell ourselves about ourselves. You’ve either said or heard someone said, “That was so stupid of me!” or “I’m such a klutz!”

The most powerful self-talk is the dialogue inside us. Too often it’s a script that keeps us from maximizing our potential. I’m not smart, talented or attractive enough. I could never get that job. I’m not worth it.  Do you recognize any of these statements?

Anytime you say something about yourself, that’s self-talk—and you decide which way it will go. Negative self-talk will keep you stuck where you are. Or you can start affirming what you are good at and program who you want to become. Think about how much stress you will avoid by no longer mentally beating yourself up! Bonus: Positive self-talk taps into good energy you may not even realize that you have. 

How to Max Your Self-Talk

There are many methods of doing this. Here are three simple ways to max the power of your self-talk that you can do right now.

1. Define your best. Think about when you are at your best, or what you want your best to be. Create a picture in your mind, and make it as real as possible. What do you feel, think, say, and do? What are the words and images that come to mind? Capture these! I like to write them down. (Some research suggests that creating this from a third person perspective is even more powerful).

2. Repeat your best. To max your self-talk, a stretch of 90 days is a great commitment to make. Repeat your best scene every day by rewriting your words or images, or practicing them daily through your imagination. This can be a sentence repeated on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror or a virtual one on your screensaver. This will build a strong pathway in your brain for your best self-talk and self-image to thrive.

3. Create a Brain Spa (BS). Trade the BS of negative self-talk with the positive self-talk from your Brain Spa. This is your collection of inspirations: favorite books, articles, photographs that show your best self. You can place these in a favorite chair to read and absorb them regularly. The point is to create the best place for your best self in your head and in real time.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Self-talk is powerful. Negative self-talk can be incredibly defeating. We are in charge of pushing this voice away and filling our airwaves with affirmation. The 50,000 thoughts (or however many) we have every day will continue to loop if we do not get intentional about reprogramming them in a way that is authentic to our best selves. Is the Brain Spa rewiring some of the BS thinking that has brought you down in the past? I would love to hear from you!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

The post 3 Ways To Develop Positive Thinking Through Self-Talk appeared first on Molly Fletcher.

9 Ways to Inspire with a Handwritten Note

It’s never been easier to get your point across. Email, text, tweet, instant message, voice mail—it’s all about being fast and first with information.

That means a handwritten note (like the one I received recently from Tennessee women’s basketball coach Holly Warlick) stands out more than ever. If you want to inspire someone, try getting out a card, pen, and stamps.

Here are 9 reasons why people write notes, and how to make a note like this count.

1. Don’t worry about your handwriting. A lot of people feel like a typed message is better because it’s easier to read. Maybe so, but your own writing shows the recipient that you took the time to be vulnerable and put yourself on paper for them.

2. It doesn’t have to be long. The note from Holly Warlick, the Tennessee coach, conveyed her gratitude and excitement in five sentences that took up seven lines.

3. Make it from your heart. With handwritten notes, the act of writing is more important than precise content. Whatever your message, brief is just fine. In fact, less can be more.

4. Add a detail about the relationship. Holly didn’t just say thanks; she referenced a box I had sent her. She had heard me speak at a conference and I had sent her a box of resources for continued growth. A single detail makes a note mean even more.

5. Traditions matter. To older generations, a handwritten note shows respect and courtesy, that you understand a language that is part of their history. Tradition is a big reason that Peyton Manning writes notes to retiring players.

6. Values show that you understand the person’s world. After every keynote speech, I send a handwritten note to the team who hired me. I share my gratitude for the chance to speak, and even more for the trust they showed in me to connect to their people. Values link people on a deeper level than actions, and handwritten notes show deeper investment, and appreciation.

7. A note helps turn a little moment into a big outcome. When I represented pro golfers, I made sure each had four addressed stamped envelopes before they played a pro-am. Afterwards, they jotted a thank you note to their playing partners with a detail like their great putt on 18. This built their network of business partners long after their pro golf careers were done.

8. Consistent note writing builds a classy reputation. One speaker bureau that books me always makes sure that I receive a handwritten note when I arrive at the engagement. The note encourages me to rock it or says something fun. No matter how many of these I get, it’s always thoughtful and makes me smile.

9. A note makes you stand out from the pack. Going the extra mile in this way shows that you genuinely care about the relationship and your role in it. If you are seeking work, a handwritten note speaks for you in a way that your resume never can, and it will improve your chances of landing the job.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

A handwritten note shows how intentional you are. It tells a person that you took the time to care, that you are real and authentic. That’s inspiring, and when you write about gratitude or encouragement, you’re sending an old-school message that cuts through the digital noise every day. Send a handwritten note next week to someone in your life, and see how you feel when you put it in the mailbox.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

The post 9 Ways to Inspire with a Handwritten Note appeared first on Molly Fletcher.

Seize Little Moments for Big Outcomes

You can always find Super Bowl highlights because it is such a big event that our culture has inflated larger than life. But what about game-changing highlights in our lives? Does your next presentation or big game ride on one single turning point? Do you have a lottery mindset, that success will be yours as a result of a big moment?

That’s not the only way forward. I believe your next big turning point will be the result of much smaller moments—and by seizing these, you grab a much better chance to perform at your best. It’s up to you to identify these small moments and seize their potential for making a difference in your life. It’s the easiest, best way to become fearless.

Let me give you some examples.

1. Little moments are relative.

I learned this as a sports agent, when my firm was recruiting major league baseball player Mark DeRosa. He had an agent, but he wasn’t satisfied, and we sensed an opportunity to land him as a client. Mark’s small moment was a celebration at his high school when his football jersey got retired—he had been drafted by teams in both pro sports, and had sacrificed football to pursue baseball. Mark’s agent didn’t pay attention to this little moment, but my firm did. This support meant so much to Mark that he said it was one reason he signed with us. That little moment—showing up for a baseball star’s high school football jersey retirement—led to a big outcome for us. The jersey retirement was a little moment that meant a lot.

2. Big moments are priceless.

Another experience as an agent came when my client, pro golfer Matt Kuchar, was selected for the 2010 Ryder Cup. Agents often dial back on this event because golfers cannot display sponsor logos; it’s all about representing the United States. We recognized how much the Ryder Cup meant to Matt and we dove into arranging details like family travel plans, media opportunities, and re-arranging Matt’s tournament schedule so everything would be seamless. We did not make money on this work, but we built a stronger relationship with Matt that was incredibly worthwhile as he spent this next four seasons in the top 10 of pro golf. He knew we had his back during this big moment for him, even if our compensation in that moment was small.

3. Little moments wake up your core values.

My motivation for leaving agent work grew every time I guided an athlete, coach or broadcaster through a speaking gig. I handled all the logistics, including handing them a five-figure check at the end of the speech. Listening to their stories, I knew with a little more intense preparation and awareness, they could connect better to their audiences. This would make audiences remember them, and ultimately they would have a platform that could extend far beyond their playing days. It made so much sense for them and intrigued me further. What would I have to say if I were in their shoes? Listening to my core values helped me take the first, risky steps to the work I do and love today as a motivational speaker.

4. Little moments build our comfort and confidence for doing big things.

My daughter Kate asked me one recent weekend to shoot baskets with her. Despite it being cold outside, I said yes because I know how much those little moments mean to her. Kate’s hard work paid off a few days later when she hit the game-winning shot with two seconds on the clock in her game. She had heard me say to do a little bit more all the time because you never know what the outcome will be. Now she knows firsthand the worth of spending a few more minutes doing the little things, in anticipation for the shot at something big.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Little moments are the building blocks to the big moment when your life changes. Pay attention to small opportunities, habits and patterns that offer the chance for you to practice your values, help others, maybe take a risk. Small rituals that train our minds for greater focus on what is most important can have large outcomes. Thinking small can lead to small steps in a new direction that comes from your heart, which can build confidence for taking the next step. All those steps are a journey to big moments and your highest performance, and they are a fantastic way to become fearless.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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