Molly Fletcher's Blog, page 17

Reinventing Yourself: How and Why to Change Paths

When I worked as a sports agent, I began hearing comments from people outside my profession that went like this:

Wow, I bet working in sports is fun. I don’t really love my job, but it pays the bills.

I suppose it is too late to transition into another field that I might like more.

I only have 15 more years in this and then….

These are the voices of people who aren’t engaged in their work. They likely don’t feel they have an opportunity to do what they do best each day, and they probably don’t have someone who encourages their development and believes their opinions count at work.

If this sounds familiar, it’s because this group is a big majority. Last month, Gallup’s report on worker engagement found that 2 out of every 3 workers does not feel involved with, engaged in, and committed to their work.

My heart breaks thinking of those stats, and when I hear the stories behind the numbers. The dissatisfaction comes through in one-on-one conversations, emails and letters. The question they ask the most is:

How did you reinvent yourself??

Six years ago, I shifted from a sports agent to owning my own business where I speak 50 or so times a year to companies and associations. I also coach executives, help build teams, and get them involved in e-learning. In broad terms, reinvention demands first having the courage to ask yourself:

What is at risk to make a change?

Am I willing to take that risk?

If I don’t, am I fulfilling my personal mission and using my gifts the best I can?

More specifically, reinvention involves three important, simple things.

1. Unify Your Tribe

Reinvention can be awfully lonely as you leave one familiar world to enter an uncertain one. It’s a lot less fearful when you find your tribe. These are people who understand where you are going and why, and can help you get there.

Your people don’t necessarily have to be close to you. I drew tons of inspiration from the University of Oregon Ducks football team and their “Win the Day” motto of practicing and competing.

Instead of being consumed with winning a national title, the Ducks focused on making each day, each moment, as excellent as possible. This mindset demanded that they forget about yesterday and tomorrow, and did the work they needed to do in the present. With this outlook, we move to where we most need to be, and create the biggest outcome with our skills and talents.

When I shifted from sports agent to speaker, I leaned on authors and speakers who were already where I wanted to be, and asked them for advice. I leaned on entrepreneurs for advice on growing my company in areas like e-learning. They inspired me and advised me; now we do that for one another.

You will need emotional support. When I took the risk to leave a comfortable job as a sport agent, my wonderful husband Fred supported my vision. I needed his patience, his ear, his understanding and belief in me. You need relationships with people who believe in you and can keep you believing.

Your tribe can be your spouse, your neighbor, a parent, your college friend, your aunt, uncle, college professor, former coach—you may have a few, but you need them to remind you that your vision is worthwhile, to keep you believing, to hold you accountable and to support you.

Be it close or far, unify your tribe of supporters.

2. Stay Focused on Your Vision

You will have tough days, so make sure you are rock solid on your why. When you lock your vision—your why—you can suffocate the doubt that creeps in when it gets tough.

Put notes everywhere to remind yourself of your why: your screensaver, your notes on your phone, sticky notes on the mirror. Imagine finishing your year and write an annual report describing the current state of yourself and your business. Pretend it’s three years and do the same.

When you have moments of doubt, read these descriptions for re-inspiration of why you took the risk and stepped into your mission. When you have clarity, you banish doubt.

3. Practice Grit.

Work your tail off. Period. When golfer Dustin Johnson won the recent U.S. Open, he redeemed himself for giving away the title the year before. In between were 12 months of working mentally and physically. He invested his time, resources and himself so that when he absolutely nailed his approach shot to the final green, he wasn’t experiencing an accident or luck.

He prepared for it. He envisioned it. He practiced it. Grit helped him stay focused in the final round when the USGA waffled on whether to penalize him.  That could have been a deal-breaking distraction, but Dustin was too focused to let it get the best of him.

Your Game Changer Takeaway

Don’t settle for less than what you can uniquely give the world. Dare to be engaged in your best work now. Remember this formula: Tribe + Vision + Grit = Reinvention.

With the support of key people who believe in you, you’re in position to pursue your vision through the difficult times of doubt. As you do the hard work of reinvention, you’ll build grit. Let me know how your reinvention is going and what you’re learning!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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These 8 Answers Will Fill Your Leadership Philosophy

As leaders, we each need our own simple, profound leadership philosophy that is grasped easily and modeled consistently.

Example: At the Johnson Space Flight Center, director Ellen Ochoa’s leadership philosophy is simple: accomplish the mission and take care of her people. “It boils everything down to two straightforward and important goals,” she says , and she learned it from fellow astronauts who were Marines.

I believe the most authentic leadership is organic. Yes, it may borrow from various influences, but your most real philosophy is as individual as your fingerprint.

Your philosophy shapes your personal leadership statement. The statement can cover how you lead and influence, what you value, what you expect from team members, what you do not accept, and/or what type of environment you are committed to creating.

Let’s look at how to get there.

8 Prompts to Your Core Beliefs and Behaviors

The following prompts can help drill down to your core beliefs and behaviors, as you can see by the examples that I have included from notable leaders.

By answering these, you will collect valuable insight that can help point to your unique leadership philosophy.

1. I always ….. (fill in the blank)

Example: “Always be fair and consistent in the principles that guide your decisions, because there will be people who disagree. If you are consistent, they will at least respect you when you make your decisions.”– Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases

2. I spend time….

Example: “I’ve made a point of spending a lot of time walking the building at HUD and listening to employees.”– Julián Castro, secretary of Housing and Urban Development, who describes himself as a ‘man in the crowd’ type of leader.

3. I value….

Example: “Because I have known despair, I value hope,” actor/director/author Leonard Nimoy wrote as a poem . “Because I have tasted frustration, I value fulfillment. Because I have been lonely, I value love.”

4. I am curious about…

Example: “By nature I am curious about life, and this extends to my business.”–business magnate Richard Branson.

5. I respect….

Example: “[I] respect employees [by] making myself available to try to answer questions they have. It gives me a chance to educate, but it also gives me a chance to be educated.”– U.S. Department of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.

6. I listen with….

Example: ““I listen with my eyes as well as my ears.”–Rural physician Ferrol Sams , who became a celebrated novelist at age 60.

7. I care about….

Example: “The only thing I care about is winning. That’s all. If you don’t want to win, you don’t want to be around me.”–Los Angeles Laker legend Jerry West

8.  I inspire….

Example: “I inspire youth by being that example every day of my life and sharing the consequences of poor choices and the rewards of good ones.”–Chef Jeff Henderson, the first African-American executive chef at the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas and the New York Times best-selling author of  Cooked: My Journey from the Streets to the Stove.

Your Game Changer Takeaway

Be inspired to fill in the blanks! Go deep with your 8 answers. Which ones resonate? Hone your philosophy to its simplest form, and practice it daily. You are taking a big step closer to your leadership potential, and that benefits everyone on your team.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Working Dads Strive For Balance Too

Many of us give lip service to work-life balance.

Adam LaRoche, though, walks the walk.

At spring training in March, the Chicago White Sox told LaRoche (their designated hitter) that he couldn’t bring his 14-year-old son in the clubhouse like he had for years.

LaRoche is a veteran player who in 12 years in the majors has made more than $70 million. He’d get $13 million more this season.

But his values weren’t worth it.

You’ve heard of sudden death in sports. This was sudden retirement.

Was he right?

Of course, the media and fans and other people took sides.

Including me.

As a sports agent, I represented working dads who constantly made these kinds of high-dollar decisions. Pro sports offer them a time-sensitive opportunity to perform and profit. Kids grow up so quickly. That’s a lot of weight on both ends of the work-life seesaw, and these dads are under an intense microscope.

The ones who achieved the most balance got crystal clear on what is most important in their life and work. Their purpose helped them fearlessly make a difficult decision and own it. That kind of clarity creates the balance they strive for.

Adam’s decision highlighted a growing trend. It’s not just working moms who are struggling with balancing family and career. Working dads also are navigating the challenge.

Adam’s dad

Major league baseball runs in Adam’s family, and that’s important context for his decision, especially as Father’s Day approaches.

By the time Adam was 14, the same age as his son Drake is today, Dave LaRoche had been a two-time All Star closer. His next career was as a pitching coach. Meanwhile Adam and his brother Andy became major league players. In 2009, he saw them play for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

“That was just neat seeing them,” Dave said of his sons. “Andy making a play and throwing it across to Adam … was very rewarding. Watching them be successful and fulfill their dreams is just exciting.”

What he and Adam both get is this: It’s never only about us. We all participate in small moments that lead to big outcomes. When we know our mission, we can find confidence and courage to navigate conflicts in our work and personal life.

Adam’s decision to retire was exactly the right decision for him.

“I love it. It’s a passion,” Adam says of baseball. “But I think every one of us is put here for a bigger purpose.”

Your Game Changer Takeaway

Working dads, what is your purpose and how does that drive how you balance your work and personal life? Navigating these conflicts is easier with a mission statement (even if an eight-figure bonus isn’t at stake!). If you know a working dad, share this column with an encouraging note for Father’s Day.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Dear Job-seeking Graduates: Keep Asking for Advice

So you have that degree thanks to all your hard work. But what’s next? I know you don’t want to settle for just any job.

Since my early days as a sports agent, I have had tons of new college graduates ask me for advice on landing a dream job. So much that I even wrote a book (The 5 Best Tools to Find Your Dream Career). It contains the wisdom I had earned the hard way about embracing curiosity, building relationships, and learning from both successes and failures.

Over time, I’ve come to believe even more in my advice. These six words sum it up:

Ask for advice, not a job.

Here’s why.

At 22, I started out just like everybody does. I tried everything to get a job that would build to a career in the sports business. I polished my resume, wrote professional cover letters and sent them to people that I didn’t know and who didn’t know me. A direct-mail, mass-marketing approach wasn’t working because my resume was one of hundreds, if not thousands, for each job. I responded to ads. But nobody would take the bait. I had to figure out a different way.

As I thought about it, I realized that I didn’t have the relationships I needed to even get on the radar screen of anyone in the sports industry. I realized I would have to build more relationships and more effective relationships with the right people. My dream job wouldn’t come to me. I had to pursue it—and pursue it daily.

I took my $2,000 life savings and moved from Michigan to the exciting sports hub of Atlanta. My most valuable possessions were names of three strangers who I thought might be able to help me. Not with a job directly, but advice on getting a job.

When I got to Atlanta, I reached out to these three. It wasn’t super hard. Asking for advice is much easier than angling for a job. Advice is free. It’s not a huge commitment.

The main thing you need is authentic curiosity and openness. If you don’t hear and acknowledge the advice, and ask thoughtful follow-up questions, your would-be mentors will consider you a waste of time.

My first three advisers listened to my questions and referred me to other people they knew who might be able to help me.  I realized these introductions were invaluable, so it became my goal to gain three new introductions from each person who offered me advice.  So those three names quickly became 9 and so on.

I began taking my first steps toward meeting people who were doing what I wanted to do. And the closer you can get to people like that, the closer you are to doing the job yourself. You’re not stuck on paper, not just a name on a resume. Asking for advice puts you in a pre-audition, where your desire and interest have gotten you in the door.

“But Molly,” I can hear you saying, “how do I authentically ask someone in power for advice? Won’t that person reject me?”

They might, but fear never got anyone a job. Here’s an example of what I said to Leeman Bennett, the executive director of the Super Bowl Host Committee in Atlanta

“Coach, you must be enjoying preparing for Super Bowl XXVIII. Congrats on bringing this to Atlanta. What an honor for the city. I just graduated from Michigan State and would love to spend 15 minutes with you to get your thoughts and advice on breaking into the sports marketing business in Atlanta.”

Asking for advice isn’t threatening; it’s flattering. Bennett welcomed and encouraged my interest. We met a few days later, and he offered me an entry-level position on the Super Bowl Committee.

This job was definitely not in the big leagues. I answered phones in the office of the Super Bowl Host Committee and made very little in terms of money. But I knew it was a great opportunity for me to get a taste of sports marketing for one of the biggest events on the planet. I also knew that it was a great opportunity for me to meet the key sports executives in town. Who I naturally continued to ask for advice. The more people I asked, the more people I would meet, and the more information I gained.

What this job really offered me was the chance to dialogue with key sports businesspeople in Atlanta who I could ask for more advice. (To reinforce your interest and gratitude, follow up with a handwritten thank you note.)

After the Super Bowl, I was out of work again. Because I knew that relationships were more powerful than resumes, I realized that I needed to meet people with connections. I took a part-time position with a company that took corporate executives through team-building exercises. All the major corporations in town were sending executives through the program, and I knew I would expand my network even further. Many agreed to meet up to share their advice on my career goals.

My relationships helped me secure informational meetings with executives from Chick-fil-A, Coca-Cola, and UPS. I used these meetings to seek advice on building a career I was passionate about, but also to gain referrals. Asking one executive for advice often led me to an introduction to other executives.

Eventually, asking for advice with genuine curiosity led to being offered jobs. UPS wanted me to join their management training program. Executives at Chick-fil-A wanted me to consider working with sponsorships. Neither position was one I could be passionate about. Even though my money began to run out, I let it pass.

As my money began to run out, pressure mounted. But each day I followed my game plan. I carefully maintained the relationships and continued to find ways to build new ones. Day after day, I did research, read about the sports business, made phone calls, and respectfully tapped into my contacts.

I created great reasons to call people I had met with, and I tactfully reinforced my commitment. My database of names kept growing strictly because I was asking for advice. And the advice was helping me figure out my professional identity (who), niche (what), and purpose (why). This in turn helped me see my greatest possibilities.

An advice meeting led to a sales job in sports media. It was with the CEO of an ESPN licensee that sold instructional CDs. That job didn’t last long because of the Internet boom, and I returned to my advice network.

One referral led me to the owner of a small Atlanta sports agency. Creating this opportunity communicated quite a bit to the agency’s owner about me. That meeting led to my job as a sports agent. A dream job that opened the door to the one I have now.

So you may think that your resume is going to land you the perfect job, but really it’s your relationships.

Sincerely asking for advice is a non-threatening, authentic, affirming way to establish a relationship. It moves you away from the job ad and closer to the action. It is a conversation where you can let your curiosity shine and find out what might be possible that you did not even know about.

Asking for advice then becomes not just a technique for collecting career information but a catalyst for personal growth. Your curiosity may cause your dream job to change.

To sum up, as you go out in the world seeking your best first job (which most likely won’t be your last one!) stay focused on these six incredibly important words:

Ask for advice, not a job.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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7 Ways To Be There For A Single Parent

How can we provide a better support system for single parents?

This question came to mind recently as I read Sheryl Sandberg’s post about coping as a single mom after the sudden death of her husband. In her bestseller Lean In, she wrote (as I do) about how critical a loving and supportive partner can be both professionally and personally.

Losing hers made her keenly aware of what so many men and women are going through:

Since the early 1970s, the number of single mothers in the United States has nearly doubled.
Today, almost 30 percent of families with children are headed by a single parent.
84 percent of those single-parent families are led by a single mother.

How do single parents do it?

I don’t know how they cover the basics, especially on those many days when it takes me, my husband and an extensive support system to keep our kids and household running.

I’m curious about how single parents find a way not just to survive but thrive for their kids.

For this column, I asked a good friend who is raising two daughters (one disabled) on her own while working a day job and her own side business. She fearlessly has helped me live into my personal mission statement, to connect, inspire and lead with creative courage and optimism.

For her, the loss of her life partner feels like she is missing her arm or leg. It’s incredibly isolating. What helps her thrive? Authentic connections.

She came up with these 7 Ways to Be There For A Single Parent based on actions of other people who have helped her fear less in this season of her life.

(This is great advice for supporting anyone. If you are a single mom or dad reading this, I hope you will send this to people who need to know how to support you.)  I know I learned a lot personally from gaining this perspective from my friend.

1. Listen without judgment. Be an active listener. Restate what you hear them say so they know that you’re tuned in. Resist chiming in with your opinion about how bad things may be or how terrible someone is acting. Tip: Keep a supportive tone of voice and say, “That sounds really hard/difficult/challenging.”

2. Resist comparisons. Don’t say that your problems pale in comparison to theirs or that you can’t imagine how they do it. These comments make their experience (and them more distant from “regular” life. Tip: It’s not about you.

3. Point out authentic strengths. In this difficult chapter of life, it can be hard for them to remember what they’re good at. Build their fearlessness and resilience by pointing out their inherent gifts. Tip: Share a favorite story about them that demonstrates how special they are.

4. Offer concrete help. Very few single parents have the time or resources they need to complete important tasks. It can be hard for them to ask, and it can be hard for others to offer. Think of a specific block of time or talent. Even if they say no, the offer will mean a great deal. Tip: Spare two hours on Saturday morning for yard work or arrange a home-delivered meal on their anniversary.

5. Celebrate small acts of fearing less. This too shall pass, whether they (or you) believe it or not. Simply fearing less, one decision at a time, will build up until they truly can live fearlessly. These are small moments with a big outcome, and they’re worth cheering on. Tip: Your next encouraging text, email or call (whichever works for them) may be the one they need the most.

6. Surprise them. Their days are full of sacrifices, barriers, and giving themselves to work and family. Is there something (no matter how small) that will make them smile? Do it. Tip: A funny meme, quote or ecard is easy to send.

7. Share this inspiration with others. Sandberg is right: “We need to understand that it takes a community to raise children and that so many of our single mothers need and deserve a much more supportive community than we give them. We owe it to them and to their children to do better. We must do more as leaders, as coworkers, as neighbors, and as friends.” Tip: Forward this email to a friend (or 10?) who might be or know a single parent.

Your Game Changer Takeaway

Fearless living isn’t solitary. It involves reaching out and supporting others, including single moms and dads. When we authentically connect and encourage others to meet their challenges with small acts of fearlessness, we build the same in ourselves. Try reaching out and supporting a single parent with these tips—and single parents, share these tips with others in your world.  

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Six Unforgettable Takeaways from Leadercast 2016

Can you put your leadership message into three simple words?

The best can.

That impressed me recently at 2016 Leadercast, the largest one-day leadership event in the world. Well-known leaders summed up their best ideas for raising the standard of leadership across our businesses, communities, and homes. You don’t have to have a ‘C’ in your title to benefit from their wisdom.

These speakers and their six takeaways showed why 3 is a key number in communications. The simplicity and power of these messages make them stick.

1. See the Power

Make your point with strong visuals. Kat Cole, Group President at FOCUS Brands, inspires her team by showing (not just telling them) what is possible. Sometimes that means taking a leader to another market where their goal is achieved with fewer resources so that they can see what’s possible. Kat values seeing the power of possibility because she did not see it herself until she was in it. She was raised by a single mother of three and was the first in her family to go to college. Much to her Mother’s dismay, Kat dropped out of college for a job. Over a few short years, Kat was able to work her way up from waitress to corporate at Hooters. At age 24, she attended Women’s Foodservice Forum and recalls the hundreds of female executives in her industry in business suits—something she never thought of as possible.  Seeing the power makes it real and attainable.

2. What’s Important Now?

Nick Saban, the ultra-successful Alabama football coach, spoke about the pyramid of success. Surprisingly, his team doesn’t hear him talk about winning. Instead, he talks about process. About being in the moment. About focusing on what you can control. “Be where your feet are now,” is one of Saban’s favorite expressions. Success is a result of constantly asking ourselves: What’s important now?  Great acronym too: WIN.

3. I Owe You

Another one from Saban. When Saban was a kid, his baseball coach helped him get some extra work in after practice. Saban thanked his coach, and Saban’s dad commented, “With every thank you goes an I owe you.”   Nick didn’t understand, so his dad explained that his coach had helped him when he didn’t have to. “I owe you,” meant Saban now needed to give his best effort. I love the way these words claim the responsibility we each have. I used this one with my 13-year-old daughter before tennis practice the very day I heard it from Coach Saban.

4. You’ve Never Arrived

Success can breed complacency. It’s harder to keep pushing when you’re ahead. These three words from Saban speak to the mindset that helps keep you striving and seeking your greatest potential no matter what the messages are around you.

5. Anyone Miss Me?

Size up your value to a team, organization or mission. Imagine that you don’t show up. Would anyone miss you? Why or not? The answer, Saban says, will give you insight on your impact.

6. Clarity Produces Influence

This is from pastor and author Andy Stanley. When asked, “What do we want in leaders?”, the number one answer is integrity. But while we value integrity, we follow clarity, Stanley says (that’s a bit jarring to hear from a pastor!). Clarity is how leaders inspire, enlighten and strengthen their followers. Your greatest influence comes from clarity—making your vision stick.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

It’s super hard to boil down your message. When you get it to three words (make one a strong verb), you have a powerful tool for being a leader worth following. Three words are easy to remember and reinforce. What’s your 3-word leadership message?

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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5 Tools to Re-Build Your Confidence

Confidence is a main driver for peak performance. Because it is so essential, that’s where the Confidence Toolbox comes in. It’s a huge help when I need confidence the most. From my experience as a sports agent and keynote speaker, I want to share five must-haves for your Confidence Toolbox.

What’s a Confidence Toolbox?

Most of us have things that rattle us. We all encounter the unexpected. The wrinkles and bumps in the road that ding us a little or a lot. Our passion for our purpose can make us vulnerable to taking these curveballs personally.

I think of a Confidence Toolbox as a collection of techniques that I can use to keep my spirits up and my belief in myself at its healthiest level. These tools are always accessible.

I’m confident they will work for you too.

Tool 1: Re-read your personal mission statement

When life forces us to take a step back, or when we’re moving into a space that’s new to us, that can be unnerving. Why? Because it challenges our sense of self.

I get back on track by rehearsing my personal mission statement. My confidence returns when I ground myself in who I am—and who I want to be when I am at my best.

This vision for my optimal performance is driven by my personal mission statement. Build this tool by unloading your old story and writing your new one. When you feel your confidence slipping, re-root yourself in your mission.

Tool 2: Create a smile file

OK, so that sounds a little (a lot?) cheesy. But trust me, this works. The Smile File is your personal collection of reminders of your best self.

It can be electronic: emails that make you feel good. Great feedback from a client or friend.

Or it can be tangible (thanks Carol Dweck): A token of improvement or a new endeavor. Maybe a race number or a difficult puzzle that you solved. Anything you can quantify or shows that you are pushing yourself.

It doesn’t have to be given to you. The Smile File can include anything you created that you are proud of. These important personal symbols of your success and potential spark confidence.

Tool 3: Create an early morning success ritual

My friend Tommy Newberry, a success coach who works with many top executives, shared the idea of an early morning success ritual (EMSR) with me. It’s something I have since incorporated into my own morning routine. One way to start your day off with confidence is to write down three things that would make the day great. Then, write: Today, I will be ___________. These two simple actions will help you wake up with optimism and focus.

Tool 4: Stock your library of inspiration

I love to read, and am constantly picking up new books with new ideas. My favorites? They become part of my “library of inspiration.” Keep 1-3 books by your bedside table or at your desk that have previously inspired you. When you need a little confidence boost, peek at them for some quick inspiration.

Tool 5: Build Confidence in Others

A quick way to my best self is to send out positivity to others. A quick note of encouragement. Even just a silly emoji (can you tell I have preteens?)

You might recognize this tool as being the change you want to see. Confident people build their own ideas, projects, goals, plans, and aspirations by uplifting the same in others.

It works! Even/especially if I’m not feeling so confident, making an effort like this ends up boosting me, too. Bottom line: Tapping into the best around us can build the best within us.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

When something shakes your trust in yourself, or you know that you need more faith to keep moving forward, turn to the must-haves in your Confidence Toolbox. Keep them front of mind so they’re ready when you need them. And stay aware for moments when your confidence shines and ways to capture those moments. Because there’s always room for another must-have in your Confidence Toolbox.

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Working Moms: Give Yourself These 7 Permission Slips for Mother’s Day

For all the working moms out there: Do you ever feel like Mother’s Day is too short to unwind from stress, but long enough to judge yourself?

As your family celebrates you, those doubts still exist: How am I doing well at work? Is everyone thriving at home?

Let’s trade that thinking for a more productive question:

How can I give myself permission to live more fearlessly?

We know our insecurities get in the way of living our most fulfilled lives. We all have to work around our fears. We need new patterns.

So, working moms (and dads!), feel free to use any of the following permission slips as needed and as often as necessary—not just on Mother’s Day!

1. Permission slip to lower expectations.

To me/my family/boss/:  Remember that big plan or project we had? I’m committing myself to doing my best without stressing out about every single last detail. Imperfections are inevitable, after all. I am embracing the moment and possibilities without trying to control the outcome.

2. Permission slip for ‘me time.’

To me/my family/boss/client: I will not be going home the usual way today or arriving at the regular time. I will be ___________, which is one of my favorite ways to decompress. Thank you for supporting this investment in my best self.   

3. Permission slip to skip the guilt.

To myself: Starting on (date/time) and continuing until (date/time), I will put aside all “shoulds.” I will banish thoughts of the unmet needs of others, knowing that I am only one person who can only do one thing at a time. No room to be weighed down by all the “shoulds”—and no apologies.

4. Permission slip to go first.

To myself and the people who most depend on me: When life gets turbulent, I give myself permission to put on my oxygen mask before I help anyone else. I have to take care of myself first! I need to breathe—to collect myself and focus—or I can’t help anyone who needs me.

5. Permission slip to ask for help.

To me/my significant other/support network:  As much as I like being the go-to person that gets stuff done, someone else needs to ______________ because that’s not something I can take on right now. I’ll back away slowly, knowing someone else will have a chance to step up.

6. Permission slip for crisis management.

To myself and others as needed: When I experience a test of my personal emergency broadcast system, I give myself permission to know this is only a test. One of many that I have confronted and solved to the best of my abilities. And that stress is good and increases capacity for the future.

7. Permission slip to say no.

To myself/friend/family/colleagues: As much as I enjoy _____, I have taken a inventory of my schedule and priorities. I’m giving myself permission to not   participate in ___________. To say yes to what is in line with my true purpose, I’m letting myself say no to this, and I trust you will understand.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

To live more fearlessly and authentically, sometimes we just need new self-talk and ways to communicate what we want and need. What do you need and how can you give it to yourself? What permission slip will you give yourself today?

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A  keynote speaker  and  author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. Her e-learning courses spark both personal growth  for individuals and  corporate development  for organizations. Sign up  here  to receive our monthly newsletter.

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5 Ways To Make Yourself Smarter in Minutes with E-Learning

In this knowledge economy, the more you know, the more valuable you can be. And the technology at our fingertips offers access to extraordinary educational resources.

But with only 1440 minutes in a day, and work and personal tasks vying for attention, how do you squeeze in valuable e-learning?

I’ll give you my 5 best tips for fitting e-learning into your schedule—but first let’s look at the why.

Why E-learning Can Benefit You and Those Around You

New knowledge can help you advance in your job or company, or expand your skills for professional growth.

The key is figuring out your purpose. When you know what success looks like, you can search for e-learning that supports your goals.

The clearer you are on where you are going, the more energy you will have to make sacrifices and overcome obstacles on the way there. The more chance you have to stick with the daily rituals to quiet the noise and focus on changes you want to make.

No matter if e-learning is part of your job or your dream career (or both), you have to prioritize your energy for it and then schedule it.

Like so many valuable behaviors, e-learning doesn’t just happen.

Making E-Learning a Ritual

Watching videos, listening to podcasts, taking an online course—whatever you are into, here are some ways to build a consistent ritual of e-learning.

1. Make it part of an existing habit. If you start your day with coffee and email, begin earlier and include a 10-minute e-learning session. Or download it on a phone or IPad so you can engage while exercising.

2. Make it convenient. Use bookmarks and apps to increase your access to the materials that you want to cover. The training has to be easy to deploy or it won’t happen.

3. Build your anticipation. Small frequent bursts of learning eventually lead to big outcomes, so stick with it. Envision completing your online training and how great that will feel. Stay open to discovering new opportunities. Allow yourself to think broadly about what is possible.

4. Form a discussion group or find a partner. At work or not, recruit one or two like-minded people to meet with regularly. Maybe Friday afternoons? Recap what you learned that week and how it affected or might influence the work you do and the life you want to live.

5. Build a schedule/timeline for completing the content. If you are tackling 30 videos, for instance, build out your start and end date, with SMART goal setting. If six weeks is realistic, schedule your e-learning as protected time in your schedule. First thing in the morning? End of day? If we don’t protect that time, someone will grab it or we will give it away, sometimes without thinking.

Your Game Changer Takeaway 

Technology gives us an extraordinary opportunity to make ourselves smarter and better at what we do and equip us for our goals. Use my 5 tips to building your ritual of e-learning. As you push yourself to gain new knowledge a few bytes at a time, you position yourself for greater advancement than you may even realize is possible. Over time, small building blocks like this add up to big outcomes!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  A keynote speaker and author, Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

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Can Women Like Soccer Star Carli Lloyd Help Close The Gender Pay Gap?

With all the recent publicity around Equal Pay Day, what caught my eye was Carli Lloyd’s essay in the New York Times. Her U.S. women’s soccer team is negotiating for the same compensation as the men in that sport.

While I don’t know all the details between her, her teammates and U.S. Soccer, she does reveal their strategy. But is it an effective way to even the pay gap? Is it the best means to a successful end?

Let’s see how Lloyd’s strategy stacks up with these five crucial steps (outlined in my book, “A Winner’s Guide to Negotiating: How Conversation Gets Deals Done.”)

Are the U.S. women setting the stage?

This step involves knowing relative worth, or “comps,” for your services in the market.

Lloyd has gathered some impressive data on the performance pay gap between her team and the American men’s program: “If I were a male soccer player who won a World Cup for the United States, my bonus would be $390,000. Because I am a female soccer player, the bonus I got for our World Cup victory last summer was $75,000,” she writes. “The men get almost $69,000 for making a World Cup roster. As women, we get $15,000 for making the World Cup team.”

Numbers can be manipulated, but they don’t lie. Nailing comps is essential to making your case for equal or better pay.

Are they finding common ground?

Effective negotiation is rooted in establishing trust and building relationships—one conversation at a time. This dialogue depends on both sides moving forward to mutual gain.

Negotiation is about offering choices that represent gains for both sides. This is where Lloyd and teammates are struggling. She describes a common ground—they and US Soccer want the women’s team to continue playing and winning:

“When we captured the Women’s World Cup title in Canada in July, we drew the highest American television rating for soccer in history and, according to a financial report published by U.S. Soccer last month, helped generate $17.7 million in profit for the federation…. U.S. Soccer’s financials confirm that we are the driving force that generates a majority of [its] revenue.”

But if this was enough to keep the negotiations going, she wouldn’t be writing this piece. Common ground is essential. If they can find it, they will collaborate to maintain what benefits them both.

Are they asking with confidence? 

It certainly is a bold move to make your case in the nation’s newspaper of record. Her language was very direct: “Simply put, we’re sick of being treated like second-class citizens. It wears on you after a while. And we are done with it.” This certainly is no longer about two sides working out a deal in private.

I read this as a savvy strategic move well timed to Equal Pay Day. Because these pay negotiations have stalled, Lloyd and three other women soccer players have asked a federal mediator (EEOC) to handle their wage-discrimination complaint. The essay in effect asks the public for its support. Lloyd appears confident that her team’s fans and sympathizers will be allies in this high-profile fight off the field.

What about embracing the pause?

Hard to tell about this. We know that fatigue has set in for the female players after repeated rejections. Such a contentious atmosphere eliminates the benefits of pausing during negotiation.

“We as a team presented our proposal for increased compensation in our new collective bargaining agreement, U.S. Soccer told us, on more than one occasion, that our proposal was not rational,” Lloyd wrote. “Essentially, the federation said that it had a certain sum of money set aside for the women’s team and that our proposal was unacceptable. We’ve gotten nowhere negotiating with our federation for years, and it became clear to us that nothing had changed.”

Do she and her teammates know when to leave?

The U.S. women’s soccer team is prepared to strike, according to Lloyd. But will they? Such a dramatic action could have repercussions (positive and not) for their sport and athletes in other sports.

I for one am watching intently to see what the next move will be—on either side.

One of the most difficult aspects of negotiation is knowing when to stay at the table (or on the field) and when to walk away. Negotiation is rooted in understanding what you are willing to give up and what you aren’t. You always want to consider the breadth of possibilities and then narrow that menu to which ones are acceptable to you. Leaving should always be on that menu.

Your Game Changer Takeaway  

Effective negotiation takes fearlessness and strategy, and from what I’ve read, the U.S. women soccer players have both. The strategy Lloyd describes aligns with solid negotiation practices, and it’s a path that more of us need to follow to erase pay inequity. It can be done!

Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to dream, live and grow fearlessly. A keynote speaker and author , Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world.  Her e-learning courses spark both  personal growth for individuals and corporate development for organizations.  Sign up here to receive our monthly newsletter.

 

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