Zoe E. Whitten's Blog, page 75

The Silence of the Dying

I read this article, and now the author of this piece, Sara, is gone. There's not much in this post that she says that I haven't ranted or rambled about before, so obviously I was nodding my head a lot. in particular, this passage struck my the hardest:

Let me discuss chronic illness for a moment. As a society we don't tolerate it very well. Our collective attention span for someone who is ill lasts about two weeks. After that they're on their own. From my own experience and talking to others with bad cancer or chronic illness, I've noticed a terrible trend. After a while, and only a relatively short while, people grow bored with you not getting any better and just drift off. Phone calls stop. Visits stop. Emails stop. People drop you off their Facebook news feed. Eyes glaze when you say you are still not feeling well. Who needs perpetual bad news?

This is an all too often common experience. I described once it to a psychologist, thinking myself very witty, as having all the lights in the house turned off one by one until you were in one dark room all alone; she said everyone described it like that. People withdraw, emotionally and physically. You suddenly find a great and cold space about you where once there was support. For me there has been a single person who has made the effort to keep in daily contact with me, to see how I am, how I am feeling, and listen uncomplainingly to my whining. She has been my lifeline. She also suffers from terrible cancer and its aftermath, and has endured the same distancing of her friends.

The end result is, of course, that the sick simply stop telling people how bad they feel. They repress all their physical and emotional pain, because they've got the message loud and clear.

Yup, I got the message loud and clear. Being chronically ill, I made my effort to get help from the government so I could work a part-time job. They had their doctor declare that even though I was handicapped, I was not sick enough to require help. But I'd been reduced from working a 60 hour schedule to 24 because my body was wearing out just trying to handle the basic tasks of being a projectionist. And people, being a projectionist is a job so easy that some old farts do it into their 70s. But I couldn't hack it for 24 hours in four six hour shifts. So yes, I need help. But I was denied.

I have one job, being an editor. It does not pay much. I have a hobby as a writer, but people don't feel any need to help me because I've got a poor attitude about life. The fact that I'm chronically ill and unable to earn a decent salary shouldn't affect my sunny disposition at all, and I should just be happy that I'm "living the dream" selling my art. It's a fucking nightmare.

So at the end of every night, I lay on my couch. I think about how when my old couch failed, I asked for donations and got two. Six months later, I got a couch using my own money from an editing job for a magazine. This year, I got a color TV and an Xbox by editing news articles for a web site. But the earnings from my writings usually just pays for the cost of running a site, or hiring a cover artist for the next book. I'm not going to get a game out of it.

And for those jerks out there who ask, "Why doesn't she talk about buying medicine instead?" a one month box of Avonex with four syringes is $1500. When I asked for donations, the only people to donate…are writers who have their own budget problems. How do you think that makes me feel? Knowing that all my real readers don't care that I'm sick, and don't mind watching me dangle with every angry rant. Hell, this is the only reason why some of you are here. My traffic dies off on the weeks when I'm calm and rational and doing book reviews and drink recipes. No, to bring the real traffic, I have to break out the serious rants.

And, I'm going to die without changing anything. Transsexuals will still be abused from cradle to grave by straight people. There will still be racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, and all manner of other prejudices, and nothing I wrote will mean anything.

It make me feel worthless, and then I look at my constantly slow sales and add that in as another failure. But people don't want to hear someone say, "I'm feeling like a loser." Because somehow that reflects badly on others, I guess.

But I am feeling like a loser, and every night, I wonder what will happen after I die. Do I come back for another round on this planet? Do I cease to exist? Do I end up in a long line and then find out God won't even see me because I'm unclean?

I don't know, but goddamn it, I want something that I do in this life to matter. I don't want to sit quietly waiting for the end of my days. I want to do something that makes this worthwhile for me, and for others. Instead I end every day feeling more defeated and less certain of myself. Nothing changes. So when I die, I'm afraid that even that event will have no meaning. Out of all of you, I've left the lightest footprint possible, because you've all chosen to ignore my stomping.

Reviewing for exposure? Think hard about this…

So the other day on Twitter, I see that some reviewer is announcing that they will be taking on self-published authors. But, the moment I look over their requirements, the one that sticks with me is "Must have at least one pro sale, be a member of one group like the SFWA at the pro level, or have completed an intensive writing course like at Clarion."

Well, this isn't looking for self-published authors, is it? No, it's looking for pro writers who are dabbling in self-publishing. Or what the big guys like to call traitors. That no actual self-published writers have a chance for a review is spelled out in one sentence. So I made a comment in the comments field about how this wasn't going to yield any new writers, and I remarked that the SFWA is notoriously anti-self-pub.

The blogger called my short cuss word-free paragraph a diatribe, and said reviewer then revealed that she is in fact a pro writer, and a member of the SFWA. In her attempt to defend the people in the organization as being not all the same, she also made it clear that she's doing these reviews to help her exposure as a writer and to help her good friends who can't find reviewers now that they've become traitors. She is not doing this to promote new titles or new self-published authors. Oh, she can say all day that she's really trying to promote others, but she's really just another writer who heard that reviews are a great way to stay in readers' minds without chanting "buy my book" 24/7.

And, let me be clear: there are authors like Michele Lee who review for exposure and admit it. Michele's reviews are generally balanced, covering the bad and good for every book. Michele doesn't read from any one clique, nor does she have any guidelines meant to keep out writers of any level. She really will read just about anything, from a kids book on alien booger invasions to a non-fiction collection detailing the origins of monster legends. Compare her reading list and her standards with this other writer, and you see how one writer/reviewer is working with fair guidelines, while the other uses a one sentence standard to block out 98% of the same self-pubbed authors that she claims to want to review.

Now I could be a bitch and call out the author who is reviewing friends for exposure, but the fact is, I don't care what chica does in her spare time. But I'm telling the rest of you straight up, if you want to review for exposure, great. If you want to write reviews for your pro friends who are dabbling in self-publishing, email them requests for their books. Do NOT put out a blog post advertising that you're looking for self-published authors when you have no intention of taking in work from said group. And if you do, AND you leave open the comments, don't fucking act shocked when someone comes along to point out what a toadying little bitch you are.

All Maid Up…10, 11, and 12

I offer my deepest apologies for getting behind on the updates here, but it just kept slipping my mind. First the copy pasta updates:

Ginger meets Kevin while working for his mother in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin's reputation and confronts him. She decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin's sister Hannah, and one of Kevin's cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. No, this really happens. In episode five, Ginger's best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her. When she didn't flip out, Kevin still goes into ultra-apology mode.

In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping. In episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops. In episode nine, Kevin swears there will be revenge for Ginger being attacked, and he makes good on his promise.

So now we get to the new stuff. First, in episode ten, Ginger and Kevin cut classes, and then Ginger returns to school to tryout for an extra-curricular activity. In episode eleven, Ginger's new social status grants her access to the first party of the year. She just has to convince her parents first. And, in an episode that will surprise no one paying attention for at least the last paragraph, Ginger attends her first party in episode twelve.

For a story about nothing, I'm pleased by how well this is turning out. I want to say where I'm at in the story, but I don't rightly know. But part of me thinks this is the halfway point for the book. This is not to say the muse doesn't already have ideas for a sequel, which is kind of sad cause I haven't even finished the first story.

Head shot means dead, assholes.

So last night hubby is telling me he wants me to look at a new game, Borderlands, and the short review made it look interesting because it used a style of 3D animation that outlines the characters in a more distinct and unique way. So given that my appetite is whet by this small sample, hubby pulls up an extended gameplay trailer, and I watch as a player zooms in on a random monster's UNARMORED head and empties a fucking clip into it. There's fucking hit points and the word CRITICAL! flashing over and over above the dude's head like a Final Fantasy monster fight, and this wounded character turns SLOWLY and starts charging the shooter. I… (y_y)

Now look, there are only a few rules of reality that I ask for in a video game, and when a motherfucker's only head protection is a fucking set of swim goggles, that motherfucker had better fall down when I put a bullet in his brain pan! Why? Because THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING. Even if that dude doesn't fall with my first shot, me filling his face with lead ought to provoke some kind of physical reaction from said victim of my leet fucking accuracy. A roar, a hiss, or just "Ow, dude!" and a damned hand swipe over the face. Just, give me some method acting here!

This is bullshit enemy design and it's lazy game making. The game lost my interest based off of this one gaping flaw in the enemies. You shoot and shot and shoot, and there's no realistic reaction. No wounds, no blood, just lots of numbers and letters. No flinching from being shot, no prerecorded grunt from said wounded beastie. Nothing that might speak to realism. Fuck that shit.

And while I'm ranting on about video games, no game in recent memory besides Dead Island has built up my hopes with a trailer, only to suck with the delivery of its glowing reviews. The trailer promised a game to wrench your guts out and tear up your soul. And when the reviews came out, the first thing I saw was:

You need lots of cash to repair your favorite weapons…

and

If you can locate batteries and tape, you can make a wicked electric katana that delivers lightning damage!

What. The. Fuck. If you're on a fucking zombified island making your own repairs to your degrading weapons, you don't need cash. You need tools, and probably a sharpening wheel or a rotary drill with a polishing head. But this idea that you buy repairs from an abandoned supply closet is so phenomenally stupid that it hurts my ancestors' brains when I think about it.

And no matter how big a battery you find, taping it to the side of your sword does not form blazing sword. What it does is form heavy motherfucker to carry. It might give the weapon more heft, but it should also drain your stamina with just two swings.

Oh, and on stamina, a gamer was showing the first forty minutes of gameplay, and she explained that she was kicking zombies to death because kicking didn't deplete stamina like using a weapon did. Really. So the game is really just a sandbox with missions running on its own unique brand of idiot logic, and the "fun" is in giving myself carpal tunnel syndrome with three other people? Because it certainly can't be for the lousy writing, the shitty acting, or the dead-eye muppet models in the cut scenes.

It just seems to me that what others are calling badass is in fact just ass.

Saturday ramble…

I have had a hell of a productive week, writing and posting an update for All Maid Up every day this week. The words were flowing so well that on Thursday, I wrote two episodes back to back and gave myself a bit of buffer. I'm going to lose that today by posting episode 11, But it's okay. I never set this on a schedule, so there's no pressure to get posts out. Just if I feel like writing, I'll post.

Funny thing is, the muse is being sarcastic about the lack of my usual supernatural elements, and she keeps going, "And then at the end, we'll reveal that Ginger is an adopted changeling." Soooo funny.

But the folks who are reading the story seem to like it so far, even if it is a departure from my usual fare. I'm probably running a bit thin on the nicknames joke, but I don't think any of the remaining bit characters have nicknames, and Bunny and Red were the last yahoos that I could wrangle out before the muse said, "Okay, we should stop while we're ahead."

After this, I'm going to go back to Closing the Coven and see if Amber is ready to make a choice about her immediate future yet. The other characters all seem to know where their stories are going, but Amber seems stuck about her role in this story. Stay with Vicky, or strike out on her own for revenge? I sure wish the bitch would make up her mind already. Normally Amber is so easy to work with, and it's Wendy who holds up a book for months with her procrastinating.

In Kinect gaming news, I got Fruit Ninja Kinect, and it's another workout winner. There isn't a game I've played yet that didn't make me sweat, and I can see who some people wouldn't like this. But for me, it's a fantastic way to play and stay in shape at the same time. If I have any complaints, it's that all the fitness games here in Italy are still full price, while all the casual games are tumbling ahead of the new holiday releases. Kinect Sprot is still 50 euros, as is Your Shape and Zumba Fitness. Just, argh. I'm happy that Child of Eden got cheaper, but damn it, I wanted one of the fitness games to go on discount first. D^X

What? Oh, Child of Eden. The graphics are great, but the story that the game writers were struggling not to mention is hella fucking stupid. Basically, Eden is the internet, and the titular child of Eden is the first living AI born on the Itnernet…Eden as they call the network in the future. Because people of the future are smarter, but dumber at the same time. And, like five seconds after she's born, an evil virus shows up to "kidnap her." So this is just a standard "rescue our princess from a japanese game writer. Of course. We didn't really expect game writer to write anything new, do we?

In fact, let me sum up every J-RPG premise in one paragraph:

A long time ago, some heros gought evil and won. But, now that evil stirs again, and some bland nameless little dicks will level grind for god knows how many hours for the XP needed to face the creader and yet graphhically pretty final boss. Lights will flash, a clueless male will find romance with a desperate female, and the word destiny will be tossed about weightily. Then the heroes will sit back and wait for signs of a sequel.

Feh. I know shooters ad platforms don't need much story to run on, but for fuck's sake, this kind of shit is praised in video game hype. Seriously, the ad for Child of Eden isd like "This is written by Tetsuya Mizuguchi!" And it turns out that while he's great at making pretty flashing lights, he's fuck all as a writer.

Oh, but I am reading a good book this week. I got talked into looking up The Drowning City by Amanda Downum. I'm only up to chapter 4, but I'm loving the writing style, the world-building, and the characters. After Shiver got my hopes up with a great intro, I'm reluctant to endorse any book just because the writing is strong at the start. But if this book can stay as consistent to the end, I will be getting the second book in the series, The Bone Palace.

In music news, I am STILL hunting for a copy of the new Staind album with no joy. I could get it at iTunes, true, but I prefer getting a CD so I can decide where I play my music. I already paid for premium songs without DRM, and even the so-called DRM-free songs won't play on my Xbox's Zune player even though all the songs I ripped in iTunes will. So fuck Apple, I'll just keep buying CDs, thanks.

And I guess that's it for personal news. Have a good weekend, and I'll get you back to the piss and vinegar soon.

All Maid Up 9

The the highlights, for those not yet following the story: Ginger meets Kevin while working for his mother in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin's reputation and confronts him. She decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin's sister Hannah, and one of Kevin's cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. No, this really happens. In episode five, Ginger's best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her. When she didn't flip out, Kevin still goes into ultra-apology mode. In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping. In episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops.

In episode nine, Kevin swears there will be revenge for Ginger being attacked, and he makes good on his promise. Ginger isn't the least bit happy about it, but she begins to learn just how differently Kevin is acting around her, and she learns why. Readers also learn a new secret about Ginger.

Without further ado, here is All Maid Up 9.

SCB Award

I would like to thank Tony Noland for nominating me for the Seriously Cute Blogger Award, and he's right; this is not an award I'd expect to have bestowed upon me. I am not ungrateful, and I'm willing to play along with the conditions of the award. In this case, I have to discuss five books, television shows and or other creative works I've consumed lately.

1. Teen Wolf, The Series – Probably one of the most pleasant surprises this year, as I have been on a severe anti-TV tear for close to two years now. Seriously, I hate everything on TV. But here in this story is EVERYTHING I could hope for. No one is truly good or evil. Everyone is cat in shades of grey, and even sweet innocent Scott becomes a grey once his inner wolf begins developing. There's humor to balance out the dark bits, and a bit of romance to make me go "aaw" and have hubby make fun of me again. (ahem.)

But even better, there's real depth to the antagonists, to the hunters, to the surly jock Jackson, to the brooding werewolf mentor Derek. Even the alpha is evil for a reason, and once they and their motives are revealed, I think they had damned good reasons for turning evil. And, there's no attempt to drag out the mystery. Season one ties everything up, and leaves me wanting season two even more. Which is good, because MTV renewed for season two, and twelve episodes of this just wasn't enough for me.

2. Harbour – John A Lindqvist has already become my new writing hero after Let the Right One In and Handling the Undead, but this third book is so amazing because it's a huge, huge story, and yet it's small enough to fit in a matchbox just as the narrator claims. At the heart of the story is a village, and at the heart of this village is a family made up of widow Anna-Greta, her long time romantic partner Simon, who once was a magician and escape artist, and Anna's son from her only marriage, Anders. At the start of the story Anders has lost his daughter Maja, and his wife has left him because he's fallen into alcoholism.

Actually, alcoholism is a recurring theme in Linqvist's work, and here, Anders' constant drinking covers for a more serious and insidious problem affecting the whole village, one that isn't uncovered until much later by Simon. The monster for this book is so abstract that I shan't ruin it and give it away, but I think this is another fine example of Lindqvist's ability to craft word magic.

3. Frankie and Formaldehyde – I keep saying I'm not a zombie fan, and yet I keep finding zombie books that rock my world and leave me thinking long after the book is over. Last year that was Michele Lee's Rot, and this year M. Jones offers another take on a zombie nursing home, but one created by a corporation to contain the effect of one of their experimental compounds. Then in a bold corporate move that I find too easy to believe, these people begin selling the compound as a way to keep people from dying. They guilt trip people into bringing back their loved ones, charge them to store the undead in these nursing homes, and then they're using the banks to buy up more land and make bigger arenas…oops, I meant nursing homes. No wait, I meant arenas.

Frankie, the lead character, is an elderly woman who should be retired, and is instead working her ass off to support her undeadbeat husband. George was a good man before he passed on, but he's not quite like other zombies in death either. When he gets outside, he shambles his way into a dirty scheme by Osmosis, Inc. to steal everything from everyone. This story features a mostly geriatric cast and a different kind of story than what you normally get from post-apoc zombie tales. But this is still a post-apoc world and there are still killer zombies and gore. I normally dislike PA, but in this case I LOVE how the ending gives resolution without making everything all better.

4. MGMT – I have to really think hard about which music act to list, because there's so many bands and artists who get my juices flowing. But over the last six months, one group has influenced me to write close to a million words, and that's MGMT. Between the albums Congratulations and Oracular Spectacular, I have a hard time choosing which is better. And I have no hope in hell of picking one favorite song from either album. Which is why I have to hand them a recommendation as a fantastic choice for creative folks needing some cheap inspiration without resorting to drugs.

5. Janelle Monae – The record execs labeled this chica an R&B act, but she's an artist of an experimental sort that transcends R&B, or indeed any current existing musical genre. Her albums, three chase suites, are on two CDs, Metropolis: The Chase Suite and The Archandroid, which contains two suites back to back. There is a sci-fi story here about a future city where robots work for humans, but aren't allowed to be a part of human culture. (Which is a good analogy to racism in a sci-fi setting.) Enter this world a singer robot who falls in love with a human and is declared a rebel for this. The punishment is immediate execution and destruction of her "cyber-soul." Cindi escapes the city and eventually becomes a messiah, though she's also separated from her one true love, Anthony. But for me, the third chase suite ends ambiguously, hinting at a third CD. Janelle has not said anything about continuing the story, but no matter what her next album is, I'm sure I'll be picking up a copy.

And now I have to nominate two bloggers for the same award. I haven't done any awards in a while, so I can fall back on one of the writers I still surf to regularly, Maurice Broaddus, writer of The Devil's Marionette and King Maker. His blog has a lot of variety, and whenever I click on a link to his blog from Twitter, I know it's going to be a good read no matter what the topic. It helps that he is, in my opinion, quite cute.

My second nomination goes to Kait Nolan, author of Forsaken By Shadow and Devils' Eye. She also runs Pot and Plots, which includes gluten-free recipes on Fridays for folks who need the gluten-free diet. I don't, but I love reading the recipes either way. Cause I'm a foodie like that. Oh, and she's also kinda cute. So hopefully that satisfies the requirements of the award.

So, another big thank you to Tony for nominating me, and hopefully y'all will check out Tony's stuff too, because he's also a good writer. I'm just not allowed to nominate him back cause that's kinda like cheating.

SCBA Award

I would like to thank Tony Noland for nominating me the Seriously Cute Blogger Award, and he's right; this is not an award I'd expect to have bestowed upon me. I am not ungrateful, and I'm willing to play along with the conditions of the award. In this case, I have to discuss five books, television shows and or other creative works I've consumed lately.

1. Teen Wolf, The Series – Probably one of the most pleasant surprises this year, as I have been on a severe anti-TV tear for close to two years now. Seriously, I hate everything on TV. But here in this story is EVERYTHING I could hope for. No one is truly good or evil. Everyone is cat in shades of grey, and even sweet innocent Scott becomes a grey once his inner wolf begins developing. There's humor to balance out the dark bits, and a bit of romance to make me go "aaw" and have hubby make fun of me again. (ahem.)

But even better, there's real depth to the antagonists, to the hunters, to the surly jock Jackson, to the brooding werewolf mentor Derek. Even the alpha is evil for a reason, and once they and their motives are revealed, I think they had damned good reasons for turning evil. And, there's no attempt to drag out the mystery. Season one ties everything up, and leaves me wanting season two even more. Which is good, because MTV renewed for season two, and twelve episodes of this just wasn't enough for me.

2. Harbour – John A Lindqvist has already become my new writing hero after Let the Right One In and Handling the Undead, but this third book is so amazing because it's a huge, huge story, and yet it's small enough to fit in a matchbox just as the narrator claims. At the heart of the story is a village, and at the heart of this village is a family made up of widow Anna-Greta, her long time romantic partner Simon, who once was a magician and escape artist, and Anna's son from her only marriage, Anders. At the start of the story Anders has lost his daughter Maja, and his wife has left him because he's fallen into alcoholism.

Actually, alcoholism is a recurring theme in Linqvist's work, and here, Anders' constant drinking covers for a more serious and insidious problem affecting the whole village, one that isn't uncovered until much later by Simon. The monster for this book is so abstract that I shan't ruin it and give it away, but I think this is another fine example of Lindqvist's ability to craft word magic.

3. Frankie and Formaldehyde – I keep saying I'm not a zombie fan, and yet I keep finding zombie books that rock my world and leave me thinking long after the book is over. Last year that was Michele Lee's Rot, and this year M. Jones offers another take on a zombie nursing home, but one created by a corporation to contain the effect of one of their experimental compounds. Then in a bold corporate move that I find too easy to believe, these people begin selling the compound as a way to keep people from dying. They guilt trip people into bringing back their loved ones, charge them to store the undead in these nursing homes, and then they're using the banks to buy up more land and make bigger arenas…oops, I meant nursing homes. No wait, I meant arenas.

Frankie, the lead character, is an elderly woman who should be retired, and is instead working her ass off to support her undeadbeat husband. George was a good man before he passed on, but he's not quite like other zombies in death either. When he gets outside, he shambles his way into a dirty scheme by Osmosis, Inc. to steal everything from everyone. This story features a mostly geriatric cast and a different kind of story than what you normally get from post-apoc zombie tales. But this is still a post-apoc world and there are still killer zombies and gore. I normally dislike PA, but in this case I LOVE how the ending gives resolution without making everything all better.

4. MGMT – I have to really think hard about which music act to list, because there's so many bands and artist who get my juices flowing. But over the last six months, one group has influenced me to writer close to a million words, and that's MGMT. Between the albums Congratulations and Oracular Spectacular, I have a hard time choosing which is better. And I have no hope in hell of picking one favorite song from either album. Which is why I have to hand them a recommendation as a fantastic choice for creative folks needing some cheap inspiration without resorting to drugs.

5. Janelle Monae – The record execs labeled this chica an R&B act, but she's an artist of an experimental sort that transcends R&B, or indeed any current existing musical genre. Her albums, three chase suites, are on two CDs, Metropolis: The Chase Suite and The Archandroid, which contains two suites back to back. There is a sci-fi story here about a future city where robots work for humans, but aren't allowed to be a part of human culture. (Which is a good analogy to racism in a sci-fi setting.) Enter this world a singer robot who falls in love with a human and is decalred a rebel for this. The punishment is immediate execution and destruction of her "cyber-soul." Cindi escapes the city and eventually becomes a messiah, though she's also separated from her one true love, Anthony. But for me, the third chase suite ends ambiguously, hinting at a third CD. Janelle has not said anything about continuing the story, but no matter what her next album is, I'm sure I'll be picking up a copy.

And now I have to nominate two bloggers for the same award. I haven't done and award in a while, so I can fall back on one of the writers I still surf to regularly, Maurice Broaddus, writer of The Devil's Marionette and King Maker. His blog has a lot of variety, and whenever I click on a link to his blog from Twitter, I know it's going to be a good read no matter what the topic. It helps that he is, in my opinion, quite cute.

My second nomination goes to Kait Nolan, author of Forsaken By Shadow and Devils' Eye. She also runs Pot and Plots, which includes gluten-free recipes on Fridays for folks who need the gluten-free diet. I don't, but I love reading the recipes either way. Cause I'm a foodie like that. Oh, and she's also kinda cute. So hopefully that satisifies the requirments of the award.

So, another big thank you to Tony for nominating me, and hopefully y'all will check out Tony's stuff too, because he's also a good writer. I'm just not allowed to nominate him back cause that's kinda like cheating.

Very sad morning…

I'm just getting up, so if there's typos in this, you'll just have to forgive me. But as you probably know, last night, Georgia executed Troy Davis. Hundreds of thousands protested his death in the US alone, to say nothing of the international groups trying to help. In the end, murder wins out, because people in power prefer killing even though it's never historically been shown to curb crime. All it does is satisfy people's need for revenge.

But no sooner had I read about this than I saw this story about a 14-year-old boy who committed suicide because he was bullied online and offline for being gay. So just like prison doesn't scare criminals, "It Gets Better" isn't doing much to protect anyone from bullies. Jamey Rodemeyer had access to the videos, and somehow, he just couldn't be convinced of the lie.

And, it IS a lie. Gays and straight people contributing to Dan Savage's program, you are NOT addressing bullying by telling the victims to take the abuse and wait for better days. You are not preventing bullies from gaining more power and favor, and you are STILL training bullies to know that what they do is okay. So throughout their pathetic lives, they will gaslight women, oppress POC, and treat queers poorly. They get away with it all their miserable lives because instead of taking them aside as kids and putting the bullies in therapy, you put all of their victims in therapy and tell them, "Just get over it and stop talking about it."

IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. Any person who truly believes that is in denial and ignoring the facts. It is getting worse, and the reason why it's getting worse is because of our adamant denial to admit we have problems.

These are just two more tragedies that weigh down on me and make me feel helpless because I can't help anyone. I can't convince anyone that they're doing anything wrong either, so nothing ever changes.

It does not get better, kids. I don't know what to tell you either, because I want so badly to give you something to hold on to. But I won't give you a lie when you can see for yourselves what it is. The world is shit, and the adults lie to you to keep you ignorant for as long as possible. And the reality of the world is even worse than the bullshit they lie to you about in school.

The only thing I can give is, if you survive this, you'll be stronger. In many ways, you'll be better than these pussy-assed oppressors, because they've never been tested and tortured the way we have. Oh, they think they know adversity, and they diminish and downplay the suffering of others to focus on their so-called greatness. But at the end of the day, they're the bitter schmucks who oppress others in a effort to get ahead in life, and still end up being nobodies and losers.

But you kids who survive all the bullying and come out adults, you're something special, and not one of these self-centered motherfuckers can ever take this away from you. It doesn't get better, but if you survive this, YOU will be better. I wish that was good enough for everyone, but I don't blame the kids who give up and commit suicide. I know I thought about it a lot, and I still think about it all the time.

But kids, don't give up and let them win. Please, you have to keep fighting for you, because no one else is coming to stage a rescue for you either. The best that "good people" want to offer you is a video talking about themselves and their delusions. I ain't no good people, and so all I can tell you is, You're the hero of your own story. Do you want your book to end with "And then they gave up and killed themself"?

It does not get better, but please, don't give up. The world will truly be worse without you in it.

All Maid Up 8

Another copy pasta of the highlights, even though it's not a true copy pasta cause I hate monotony. The story thus far: Ginger meets Kevin while working for his mother, Donna, in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin's bad reputation and confronts him, learning about his troubled past. She still decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin's sister Hannah, and one of Kevin's cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. Tense, gripping stuff. In episode five, Ginger's best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her. When she didn't flip out, Kevin still goes into ultra-apology mode. In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping.

And now in episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops.

So here is All Maid Up 8.