Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 142
October 22, 2011
Read this: Fathermucker by Greg Olear
I love that this trailer for a book full of snark and sex and suburbia has children's drawings in it. So fitting for a fun read for parents, suburbia dwellers past, future and present, and those who like humor, and dads, and wackiness. I reviewed
Fathermucker
in Penthouse and definitely encourage you to check it out. Oh, and especially if you're not like me and don't drool over small children and parenting blogs, you'll still like it.
From the official site:
You will like this book if you a) have young children, b) enjoy laughter, and c) can't get the theme songs to various Nick Jr. television programs out of your head. If you are a subscriber to US Weekly, a resident of New Paltz, N.Y, or a stay-at-home dad, that's icing on the cake.
Greg, who's also an editor at The Nervous Breakdown, has a great site, fathermucker.com, where you can read all sorts of posts by him and others on parenting. Here's Some Girls and Pretty author Jillian Lauren on "The Art of Bad Parenting":
But the thing about my relationship with my son is that I'm not fake with him. I let him know when I'm frustrated or when I'm ecstatic or when I'm having a hard time paying attention. I tell him when I had a lousy writing day and how that makes me feel sad or angry. I let him know me — his mom. Bad parent. Selfish artist. Who loves him like mad.
Do I think that honesty is better than being patient and empathetic and present at every moment? No, I don't. But it's the best I can do while I work on the other stuff.
From the official site:
You will like this book if you a) have young children, b) enjoy laughter, and c) can't get the theme songs to various Nick Jr. television programs out of your head. If you are a subscriber to US Weekly, a resident of New Paltz, N.Y, or a stay-at-home dad, that's icing on the cake.
Greg, who's also an editor at The Nervous Breakdown, has a great site, fathermucker.com, where you can read all sorts of posts by him and others on parenting. Here's Some Girls and Pretty author Jillian Lauren on "The Art of Bad Parenting":
But the thing about my relationship with my son is that I'm not fake with him. I let him know when I'm frustrated or when I'm ecstatic or when I'm having a hard time paying attention. I tell him when I had a lousy writing day and how that makes me feel sad or angry. I let him know me — his mom. Bad parent. Selfish artist. Who loves him like mad.
Do I think that honesty is better than being patient and empathetic and present at every moment? No, I don't. But it's the best I can do while I work on the other stuff.
October 21, 2011
November 28th, Marianne Williamson, LA
I had no idea Marianne Williamson did weekly lectures. I'm hoping to go to Maine for a few days in November to celebrate my birthday and get away (yes, it's travel, but about the cheapest travel I can do, and if I do travel, I'd like to mainly visit places I've never been), and then go to LA to visit my family and get some sun and soak away my mind for a while in the hot tub and visit these adorable twin babies and sortof figure out what I'm doing with my life. And this seems like as good a way to spend the first night after Thanksgiving as any. See you there, LA.
Open Salon Editor's Pick: "I Don't Always Use Birth Control"
I decided to start adding some selected essays, a few I'd already posted here and hopefully one-two new ones a week, at Open Salon. Here's the first original one, a commentary on birth control, judgment, xoJane and Cat Marnell and more, and I'd love it if you'd check it out (also anyone can blog/write at Open Salon, and Salon often picks up pieces from there for big Salon and does Open Calls, and there are some fascinating essays there, like "Sunday Night Games: Erotic Scrabble" and "Google-Stalking At Its Best"). I have lots of other pieces, short and long, fiction and non-fiction, in the works too! Think good thoughts, both that I get them done and that editors like them. In the meantime, I'm trying to push myself to actually finish writing, as opposed to having it sit half-done, waiting for me to deem it "perfect."
And if you want to comment, please do so at Open Salon! Thank you.
"My Tiny Hypocrisy: I Don't Always Use Birth Control"
And if you want to comment, please do so at Open Salon! Thank you.
"My Tiny Hypocrisy: I Don't Always Use Birth Control"
November = my birthday, 2 readings and Best Bondage Erotica 2012 release!
November 10th is my birthday; I'll be celebrating at Baked in Red Hook by eating treats by my friend Jessie Oleson of Cakespy fame, author of the new, must-drool-over cookbook Cakespy Presents Sweet Treats or a Sugar-Filled Life (S'moreos!!).
And Best Bondage Erotica 2012 will be out soon! Read the introduction and table of contents at bestbondageerotica.com. You can pre-order it from and BN.com (more links TK).
I'm doing 2 November readings, something I'm easing off of these days.
November 3, 6:30-10 pm
Titillating Tongues: NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose + Open Mic
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The Inspired Word presents a hot night of sexy fun, lip-licking words, and utter debauchery – Titillating Tongues: NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose, featuring some of New York City's best erotic writers: Rachel Kramer Bussel, Janice Erlbaum, Uche Nduka, Jennifer Blowdryer, Aimee Herman, Kathleen Warnock, Puma Perl, Elizabeth Rivera De Garcia, Jane LeCroy, and Sam J. Miller.
There will also be a 12-slot open mic open to all types of artists, where you can bring your own heat to the party.
Hosted by HBO Def Poetry star Gemineye.
*****
When: Thursday, Nov. 3, 2011
Where: One and One Bar & Restaurant (downstairs Nexus Lounge)
76 East 1st Street (corner of 1st Avenue)
Manhattan, NYC
Phone: (917) 703-1512
Doors open for open mic sign-up @ 6:30pm
Show starts @ 7pm
Cover Charge: $10
Must be 21 years old or older.
"The Inspired Word isn't just a series, it's a movement."
*****
For more info on The Inspired Word series, please check out:
http://inspiredwordnyc.blogspot.com/
And please join us for our Tuesday Night Open Mic Joint - same time, same place.
and...
November 17, 7 pm
Drunken! Careening! Writers!
Free, hosted by Kathleen Warnock
It's held at KGB Bar, 85 E. 4th St., NYC, the third Thursday of every month (since 2004).
Guiltsomnia
In the course of less than ten minutes, I have piked up and looked at and read a little bit of three books (Dragonbreath: Lair of the Bat Monster by Ursula Vernon, Brand Thinking and Other Noble Pursuits by Debbie Millman and With a Little Luck by Caprice Crane, if you want to get a taste of my ADD style of reading totally disparate books), as well as flipped open the US Weekly I've mostly read, save for the cover story, an interview with Sara Leal. As I was reading an interview with Seth Godin in Brand Thinking, I paused to tuck my bookmark into the start of the interview with Virgnia Postrel, but it was only when I paused from reading the Seth Godin interview again to look through the book to see which interview I wanted to read next that I realized I had a problem. It's 5:05 am and I should actually be reading a book I'm planning to write about.
Maybe part of why I've just read four things that aren't that book is that I'm nervous about the piece. I'm nervous about pitching new venues, already foreseeing my eventual rejection, along with every major failure I've had over the course of my career, every opportunity I was given that I managed to fumble. Those ideas were lurking in my head when I fell asleep, but as I awoke to people yelling in the street and cold air blowing through my window that I'm never sure if I should close to stay warm or keep open for the benefits of fresh air, they resurfaced with a vengeance.
One bonus to not having a full-time job, aside from not battling the crowds in the morning and evening, is being able to "make my own hours." That would be wonderful, except that what it's meant is that even more so than before, I wind up feeling that every hour should be my own hour. If I happen to wake up in the middle of the night, I should be grateful that rather than spending my time doing something pitiful, like sleeping, I should be awake, either reading, with the intention of writing about what I read, returning a book to the library, or purging a book from my overly full apartment.
For me, often the result of feeling that I must do-do-do things at every moment is that I wind up paralyzed by inertia, by the knowledge that any one thing I choose to do will, invariably, mean that at that moment I'm not doing anything else. For a brief wonderful four days, I was enjoying Vyvanse, and it helped me get over all those humps and set in motion some events that, while extremely difficult, have helped me face some of those self-created problems in ways that feel positive. I should have pushed harder to get more of it, but instead after spending a lot of money on sessions with a psychiatrist who I found via Google and very much liked but was not in my health insurance's network, I started using Ritalin, which may or may not have helped. The benefits were not as clear and crisp as Vyvanse. I didn't feel quite as invincible, quite as sure that everything would be okay. I certainly don't feel like anything is guaranteed to be okay these days, and I think that's in part why I prefer the relative quiet of the dark early hours, or late ones, if you prefer.
I know I need to both figure out how to get done whatever is in front of me, rather than lamenting things I will never have the chance to do, or ponder what I could be doing instead or will be doing five minutes or five hours from now. But longtime mental habits are hard to break. It's more comforting to think I can somehow control everything that might happen to me if only I stay on top of it all 24/7. I am grateful that my new working situation has forced me to carve out more time for myself, though, more guilt: I've spent too many daytime hours not working this week that I'm calling a halt after today to all non-work meetings during the day unless I'm out of town. I am hoping I get in to a coworking space I applied to because that, ideally, would give me the structure and, because I'd be paying for it, motivation to park myself there and spend solid time writing, rather than assuming I'll never get caught up, or that everything I write will be stupid so why bother anyway.
As Hendrik Edberg writes in "How to Get All The Way to Done" at Positivity Blog:
It is also very important to be aware that nothing will ever be perfect. Striving for perfection can be pretty dangerous. Because you will never feel like you are good enough.
You have set the bar at an inhuman level. And so your self esteem stays low even though your results may be very good.
Maybe part of why I've just read four things that aren't that book is that I'm nervous about the piece. I'm nervous about pitching new venues, already foreseeing my eventual rejection, along with every major failure I've had over the course of my career, every opportunity I was given that I managed to fumble. Those ideas were lurking in my head when I fell asleep, but as I awoke to people yelling in the street and cold air blowing through my window that I'm never sure if I should close to stay warm or keep open for the benefits of fresh air, they resurfaced with a vengeance.
One bonus to not having a full-time job, aside from not battling the crowds in the morning and evening, is being able to "make my own hours." That would be wonderful, except that what it's meant is that even more so than before, I wind up feeling that every hour should be my own hour. If I happen to wake up in the middle of the night, I should be grateful that rather than spending my time doing something pitiful, like sleeping, I should be awake, either reading, with the intention of writing about what I read, returning a book to the library, or purging a book from my overly full apartment.
For me, often the result of feeling that I must do-do-do things at every moment is that I wind up paralyzed by inertia, by the knowledge that any one thing I choose to do will, invariably, mean that at that moment I'm not doing anything else. For a brief wonderful four days, I was enjoying Vyvanse, and it helped me get over all those humps and set in motion some events that, while extremely difficult, have helped me face some of those self-created problems in ways that feel positive. I should have pushed harder to get more of it, but instead after spending a lot of money on sessions with a psychiatrist who I found via Google and very much liked but was not in my health insurance's network, I started using Ritalin, which may or may not have helped. The benefits were not as clear and crisp as Vyvanse. I didn't feel quite as invincible, quite as sure that everything would be okay. I certainly don't feel like anything is guaranteed to be okay these days, and I think that's in part why I prefer the relative quiet of the dark early hours, or late ones, if you prefer.
I know I need to both figure out how to get done whatever is in front of me, rather than lamenting things I will never have the chance to do, or ponder what I could be doing instead or will be doing five minutes or five hours from now. But longtime mental habits are hard to break. It's more comforting to think I can somehow control everything that might happen to me if only I stay on top of it all 24/7. I am grateful that my new working situation has forced me to carve out more time for myself, though, more guilt: I've spent too many daytime hours not working this week that I'm calling a halt after today to all non-work meetings during the day unless I'm out of town. I am hoping I get in to a coworking space I applied to because that, ideally, would give me the structure and, because I'd be paying for it, motivation to park myself there and spend solid time writing, rather than assuming I'll never get caught up, or that everything I write will be stupid so why bother anyway.
As Hendrik Edberg writes in "How to Get All The Way to Done" at Positivity Blog:
It is also very important to be aware that nothing will ever be perfect. Striving for perfection can be pretty dangerous. Because you will never feel like you are good enough.
You have set the bar at an inhuman level. And so your self esteem stays low even though your results may be very good.
October 20, 2011
5 All For One Festival shows I want to see
I know I said I'm giving up theater until I find a new job, but for $20 as a birthday treat (days free=getting to do stuff I wouldn't normally be able to) I'm planning to check out a few of these shows in November, when I'm also hoping to head out of NYC for a bit to visit Portland, Maine and Los Angeles, somewhere I've never been and somewhere I've been going since I was little (to visit family). Anyway, you can see all the shows they're putting on; these are 5 that particularly caught my eye (descriptions via AFO site, click on titles to get to the official page, where you can read bios and buy tickets):
Deb Margolin, Good Morning Anita Hill
Full Title: "Good Morning Anita Hill It's Ginni Thomas I Just Wanted To Reach Across the Airwaves and the Years and Ask You To Consider Something I Would Love You To Consider an Apology Sometime and Some Full Explanation of Why You Did What You Did With My Husband So Give It Some Thought and Certainly Pray About This and Come To Understand Why You Did What You Did Okay Have a Good Day."
Who are we at the moment we flip someone the bird; show the middle finger to a stranger? And what is tragedy? Is it possible that one definition of tragedy involves the realization that, in order to address an oppressor, or seek redress from him successfully, we must descend to his level? Here's what happens when a middle-aged Jewish woman confronts her road rage at the 20-year-old intersection of young motherhood and the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas hearings. With a fair amount of Bristol Palin tossed in.
Mary Dimino, Scared Skinny
As a chubby Italian-American child growing up in Queens, Mary Dimino was warned by her mother that playing in a sandbox could lead to venereal disease, and cautioned by her "perverted" knife-wielding grandmother to stay away from all boys and dogs. Eating sausage and pepper sandwiches for lunch (with a cannoli for dessert), she suffered acute humiliation from her peers. Yet when she was only 8 years old, the realization of Mary's dream, to one day be skinny, was foretold by a Ouiga board. Still an obese virgin at 26, Mary had an epiphany when she overheard two "guidos" from Brooklyn making merciless fun of her. Angry and determined, she faced her fears and after a number of false starts, finally fulfilled the destiny of her Ouiga board. One hundred and fifteen pounds later, Mary Dimino tells the amazing and hilarious story behind her remarkable achievement.
Gioia De Cari, "Truth Values: One Girl's Romp Through M.I.T.'s Male Math Maze
Created as a response to former Harvard President Lawrence Summer's now infamous suggestion that women are less represented in the sciences because of innate gender differences, "Truth Values: One Girl's Romp Through M.I.T.'s Male Math Maze" is a true-life tale that offers a humorous, scathing, insightful and ultimately uplifting look at the challenges of being a professional woman in a male-dominated field. Performed barefoot on a bare stage with only a chair and a small table, writer/performer and "recovering mathematician" Gioia De Cari brings to life more than 30 characters in a hilarious and deeply touching performance that has earned raves from critics and stirred audiences to standing ovations. "Truth Values" is an ideal conversation starter about issues concerning women in math and science.
PJ Walsh, Over There - Comedy Is His Best Weapon
"Over There - Comedy Is His Best Weapon" illustrates the hardships and hilarity of PJ Walsh's journey - from a screw-up kid convinced there's no chance of war who enlists in 1990, all the way to the White House. It's his career in stand-up, though, that causes him to face his mortality in the belly of a C-130 flying over Afghanistan. This poignant narrative intertwines the solemnity of war with Walsh's keen eye to see comedy in the ebb and flow of every day events, while tackling larger issues such as war and growing up.
Jeff Grow, Creating Illusion
Magician Jeff Grow explores the diverse facets of the art of illusion, whether for entertainment or manipulation, beauty or deception. The tools of the conjurer are seen all around us. Elegant sleight of hand and surreal mind reading mix together to explore the tools of the art of creating illusion.
Deb Margolin, Good Morning Anita Hill
Full Title: "Good Morning Anita Hill It's Ginni Thomas I Just Wanted To Reach Across the Airwaves and the Years and Ask You To Consider Something I Would Love You To Consider an Apology Sometime and Some Full Explanation of Why You Did What You Did With My Husband So Give It Some Thought and Certainly Pray About This and Come To Understand Why You Did What You Did Okay Have a Good Day."
Who are we at the moment we flip someone the bird; show the middle finger to a stranger? And what is tragedy? Is it possible that one definition of tragedy involves the realization that, in order to address an oppressor, or seek redress from him successfully, we must descend to his level? Here's what happens when a middle-aged Jewish woman confronts her road rage at the 20-year-old intersection of young motherhood and the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas hearings. With a fair amount of Bristol Palin tossed in.
Mary Dimino, Scared Skinny
As a chubby Italian-American child growing up in Queens, Mary Dimino was warned by her mother that playing in a sandbox could lead to venereal disease, and cautioned by her "perverted" knife-wielding grandmother to stay away from all boys and dogs. Eating sausage and pepper sandwiches for lunch (with a cannoli for dessert), she suffered acute humiliation from her peers. Yet when she was only 8 years old, the realization of Mary's dream, to one day be skinny, was foretold by a Ouiga board. Still an obese virgin at 26, Mary had an epiphany when she overheard two "guidos" from Brooklyn making merciless fun of her. Angry and determined, she faced her fears and after a number of false starts, finally fulfilled the destiny of her Ouiga board. One hundred and fifteen pounds later, Mary Dimino tells the amazing and hilarious story behind her remarkable achievement.
Gioia De Cari, "Truth Values: One Girl's Romp Through M.I.T.'s Male Math Maze
Created as a response to former Harvard President Lawrence Summer's now infamous suggestion that women are less represented in the sciences because of innate gender differences, "Truth Values: One Girl's Romp Through M.I.T.'s Male Math Maze" is a true-life tale that offers a humorous, scathing, insightful and ultimately uplifting look at the challenges of being a professional woman in a male-dominated field. Performed barefoot on a bare stage with only a chair and a small table, writer/performer and "recovering mathematician" Gioia De Cari brings to life more than 30 characters in a hilarious and deeply touching performance that has earned raves from critics and stirred audiences to standing ovations. "Truth Values" is an ideal conversation starter about issues concerning women in math and science.
PJ Walsh, Over There - Comedy Is His Best Weapon
"Over There - Comedy Is His Best Weapon" illustrates the hardships and hilarity of PJ Walsh's journey - from a screw-up kid convinced there's no chance of war who enlists in 1990, all the way to the White House. It's his career in stand-up, though, that causes him to face his mortality in the belly of a C-130 flying over Afghanistan. This poignant narrative intertwines the solemnity of war with Walsh's keen eye to see comedy in the ebb and flow of every day events, while tackling larger issues such as war and growing up.
Jeff Grow, Creating Illusion
Magician Jeff Grow explores the diverse facets of the art of illusion, whether for entertainment or manipulation, beauty or deception. The tools of the conjurer are seen all around us. Elegant sleight of hand and surreal mind reading mix together to explore the tools of the art of creating illusion.
October 19, 2011
10 Reasons the Hitachi Magic Wand is My Favorite Vibrator
Check out my new column, 10 Reasons the Hitachi Magic Wand is My Favorite Vibrator. And single girl/self-employed BFF.
1. It's powerful. Plain and simple, it provides the sensation I like against my clit and along my vulva. I know some women temper the intensity with a towel, but I like it direct and strong.
Read the whole thing
1. It's powerful. Plain and simple, it provides the sensation I like against my clit and along my vulva. I know some women temper the intensity with a towel, but I like it direct and strong.
Read the whole thing
Tonight in Greenpoint: Moderating Men Undressed panel
Like free wine, amazing authors, and discussions of sexuality and literature? Then join us tonight at Greenpoint, Brooklyn's amazing indie bookstore WORD (bonus: signed copies of Women in Lust will also be for sale). Cris Mazza who co-edited the original Chick Lit way the hell back in the day is one of the co-editors of this wonderful book, along with Stacy Bierlein, Kat Meads, and In The Flesh alum and Slut Lullabies author Gina Frangello, who very kindly asked me to moderate this event, with a foreword by Steve Almond.
Female writers discuss writing the male sexual experience in a panel featuring contributors from the new anthology Men Undressed. Panelists Allison Amend, Nava Renek, and Elizabeth Searle will be in conversation with erotica author Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will also lead an audience Q&A.
Free, October 19, 7-8 pm, WORD, 126 Franklin Street, Greenpoint, Brooklyn (G train to Greenpoint Avenue)
Official description:
From D. H. Lawrence to Philip Roth, acclaimed male writers have depicted sex from the perspective of female characters. Now, women writers from Aimee Bender to Jennifer Egan engage in provocative fictional cross-dressing, exploring sexuality from the male point of view. With a foreword by Steve Almond, this provocative collection includes work from twenty-six women in all, including Bender, Egan, Susan Minot, Elizabeth Benedict, Alicia Erian, and Diane Williams. Edited by Gina Frangello, Stacy Bierlein, Cris Mazza and Kat Meads—four women with a great deal of experience as editors (Other Voices Magazine, OV Books, anthologies) and authors.
Female writers discuss writing the male sexual experience in a panel featuring contributors from the new anthology Men Undressed. Panelists Allison Amend, Nava Renek, and Elizabeth Searle will be in conversation with erotica author Rachel Kramer Bussel, who will also lead an audience Q&A.
Free, October 19, 7-8 pm, WORD, 126 Franklin Street, Greenpoint, Brooklyn (G train to Greenpoint Avenue)
Official description:
From D. H. Lawrence to Philip Roth, acclaimed male writers have depicted sex from the perspective of female characters. Now, women writers from Aimee Bender to Jennifer Egan engage in provocative fictional cross-dressing, exploring sexuality from the male point of view. With a foreword by Steve Almond, this provocative collection includes work from twenty-six women in all, including Bender, Egan, Susan Minot, Elizabeth Benedict, Alicia Erian, and Diane Williams. Edited by Gina Frangello, Stacy Bierlein, Cris Mazza and Kat Meads—four women with a great deal of experience as editors (Other Voices Magazine, OV Books, anthologies) and authors.
October 18, 2011
Kindle and Nook readers: Women in Lust goes on sale November 1st
While the paperback of
Women in Lust
should be for sale online any day now, and in stores shortly, I can now confirm that the e-book edition will be available November 1st for Kindle and Nook. Yay! Both are $9.99 (though I must point out that both Amazon and BN.com are selling the paperback for $9.68). Want a free postcard with the hot cover? (US only) Email womeninlust at gmail.com with "Postcard" in the subject AND your name and mailing address in the body.
October 17, 2011
If you like my posts, please spread the word
Since I'm attempting to write more often here, I just wanted to remind you that if you like these posts, there's a Facebook like button at the bottom of each post, and I'd love it if you'd pass any of these on. Obviously I'm trying my hardest to get more paid writing work while I look for full-time employment, so that is my focus, but I'm going to try to write here if I have anything to say. And of course please keep visiting Cupcakes Take the Cake for daily content, events, giveaways, etc.
