Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 130

"Why I'll Never Date Another Guy Named 'Tom'"

Call for submissions: Best Bondage Erotica 2013

A little personal note: Best Bondage Erotica 2012 authors really pushed the envelope for me as an editor with self-bondage such as in opener "Melting Ice" by Shoshanna Evers and incredibly creative twists and turns, as did Best Bondage Erotica 2011 authors with an office computer cable-as-bondage-equipment scenario in Lisabet Sarai's "Wired". That's what I look for: not those specifics, exactly, but ingenuity, creativity, plots that pull me in from word one and never let go. The trickiest part of editing a themed anthology is balancing all the things a good editor has to balance: types of bondage, motivations for bondage, bondage and sexuality, language, bondage and other types of BDSM, gender, POV, tense, setting, pacing, etc. I need a wide, wide range of stories, which doesn't mean you can't use a familiar setting or familiar kink, you just need to make it stand out from the other stories I'm reading all about the very same topic.

Good luck, and early stories are strongly encouraged but I'll read anything that arrives by May 1st! If you're not sure what I like, I do recommend reading either or both of the previous volumes (but I recommend that anywhere cause they're HOT!). The above was meant to motivate you, not intimidate you - write the best bondage story you can, and it will be considered, that's the best advice I can give you other than to follow the directions. I cannot even tell you how many people don't - and if you have any questions, just ask. Another way to think about your stories in general is to visualize/storyboard them. Note: I don't do this, but when I had my Best Bondage Erotica 2011 story turned into a comic by Seth Kushner at CulturePOP it forced me to be very, very aware of every word, every image, every sentiment.

Call for Submissions

Best Bondage Erotica 2013
To be published by Cleis Press in late 2012
Edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel


Best Bondage Erotica 2013 will collect the best bondage erotica stories around, focusing on a range of techniques, implements, characters and scenarios, from newbies to seasoned bondage players and everything in between. Bondage should be a central focus of the erotic element of the story but the plot does not have to hinge on bondage. The final book will include stories focused on both the physical and mental aspects of bondage, from varying points of view. Bondage plus other sexual activity is welcome (spanking, tickling, exhibitionism, voyeurism, intercourse, oral sex, teasing, etc.). Original, unique, creative characters, settings, scenarios and forms of bondage are encouraged. As befitting the title, I'm looking for the best, hottest, most creative bondage erotica for this collection. All genders/sexual orientations welcome. Original stories strongly preferred, but reprints of work published (or slated to be published) between September 2011 and November 2012 will be considered but will be given lower priority than original work. All characters must be over 18; no incest or bestiality. Please see Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and Best Bondage Erotica 2012 (http://www.bestbondageerotica.com) or my other kinky Cleis Press anthologies (Bottoms Up, Spanked, Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, He's on Top, She's on Top) for an idea of the kinds of stories I prefer.

How to submit: Send double spaced Times or Times New Roman 12 point black font Word document with pages numbered (.doc, not .docx) OR RTF of 1,500-4,000 word story. Indent the first line of each paragraph half an inch and double space (regular double spacing, do not add extra lines between paragraphs or do any other irregular spacing). US grammar (double quotation marks around dialogue, etc.) required. Include your legal name (and pseudonym if applicable), mailing address, and 50 word or less bio in the third person to bestbondage2013@gmail.com. If you are using a pseudonym, please provide your real name and pseudonym and make it clear which one you'd like to be credited as. You will receive a confirmation within 72 hours. I will get back to you by September 2012.

Payment: $50 and 2 copies of the book on publication

Deadline: May 1, 2012 (earlier submissions encouraged and preferred)

I've been seeing numerous recent submissions that do not conform to my guidelines. They are there for a reason. Please read and follow them or risk your submission being rejected or returned for reformatting. If you have any questions, please contact me atbestbondage2013@gmail.com

About the editor: Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) is the editor of over 40 anthologies, including Best Bondage Erotica 2011 and 2012, Irresistible, Gotta Have It, Women in Lust Orgasmic, Fast Girls, Passion, Peep Show, Bottoms Up, Spanked, The Mile High Club, Do Not Disturb, He's on Top, She's on Top, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, Crossdressing, Dirty Girls, and is Best Sex Writing Series Editor. She writes the Secrets of a Sex Writer column for SexisMagazine.com, and has hosted and curated In The Flesh Reading Series for five years. Her writing has been published in over 100 anthologies, including Susie Bright's X: The Erotic Treasury, Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006, and Zane's Purple Panties and the New York Times bestseller Succulent: Chocolate Flava II. She has written for Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Fresh Yarn, Inked, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, Penthouse, The Root, Salon, Time Out New York, xoJane, Zink and other publications.[image error]

Erotica 101 writing workshop in Milwaukee February 9th

February 9th is around the corner - if you could do me a big favor and let anyone you know who might be interested in this writing workshop in Milwaukee at Tool Shed Toys , I'd really appreciate it. You can register online. I'm a little afraid I will freeze, but I'm excited about trying something new. And I look forward to writing workshops as a chance to find new authors for my anthologies. Hopefully by then I'll have some new calls up! And if you're in Milwaukee, check out all their events, including a Naughty Needles knitting event! (I wrote a column about that, "Kinky Knitknacks," once for The Village Voice.)



CLASS: Erotica 101 Writing Workshop

With Rachel Kramer Bussel

February 9, 8:00pm - 9:30 pm

Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 40 anthologies, including Gotta Have It, Women in Lust, Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples, Orgasmic, and The Mile High Club, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, writing against type, erotic love and lust letters, to submitting your work keeping up with the thriving erotica market. You'll learn how to incorporate everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies into your writing, and make them fit for particular magazines and anthologies. Whether you're writing to that special someone, penning longtime fantasies, or want to earn cash for your dirty words, this workshop, taught by the editor of over a dozen erotic anthologies, is for you. Paper and writing implements will be provided or you can use your own laptop.

$15 per person.

When you purchase a ticket online your name will be added to the guest list for the event. Please arrive about 10 minutes early to check in at the desk and grab a seat.

PLEASE NOTE: You may see a charge for tax when you purchase a ticket online-- this amount will be removed from your final charge.

Why I'm loving Storm Large's memoir Crazy Enough

I'm only 27 pages in and am smitten with performer Storm Large's memoir Crazy Enough Two excerpts below are part of the reason why. You can also read some excerpts at Willamette Week . Plus the cover rocks!



First, her awesome disclaimer - I read a lot of memoirs and sometimes they offer up a straightforward one, and sometimes the writers get a bit more creative (Sara Benincasa also has a great one in her mental health memoir Agorafabulous!: Dispatches from My Bedroom ). I added a silent "Fuck yeah" at the end of this one as I read.

All of these stories are true and as accurate as I could get them, with the help of friends and family who were party or privy to the events described. Several names and identifying characteristics of people and places have been blurred or outright changed to protect the innocent and the dead. Some have been changed to protect myself from the drug addled and psychotic, along with the general douche baggery that is so prevalent in these litigious times. Many of these memories are from more than thirty years ago, so keep in mind there have been a few tankers of alcohol and trash bags full of drugs, not to mention acres of weenie, that have been tossed through my body and brain since then, so I could have gotten a few things twisted around. But I do know for sure that I live at the end.

And then this passage, one which I, um, identify heavily.

Everything with me as a child--and later on--was either the mostexcitingwonderfulamazingyougottacomeseethisnow thing ever or else the sun would be going black, it was raining frogs, and the hooves of plague were thundering around me. Sometimes, I wondered if I was too sensitive to even be alive. I still feel that way now and then, like a turtle yanked raw and naked from its shell and tossed, torn open, and shrieking, into a sandstorm.

One day only e-book BOGO sale: Buy Best Sex Writing 2012 for Kindle or Nook, get a free signed book for me

This promotion is limited to United States addresses, and is only good for the ebook version of Best Sex Writing 2012 purchased on January 17th, 2012. Both the Kindle and Nook editions are only $9.64 and 9.99 respectively, so one of those low prices, you get an e-book and a signed erotica book or signed edition of a previous Best Sex Writing edition. What a deal!

Purchasing links:

Best Sex Writing 2012 on Kindle

Best Sex Writing 2012 on Nook

Best Sex Writing 2012 gets released as an ebook this Tuesday, January 17th. If you're going to buy it, I'm encouraging you to buy it that day and will send you a free, autographed copy of any of my in print Cleis Press books; choose from the following: Pick from: Irresistible, Best Bondage Erotica 2011, Best Bondage Erotica 2012, Best Sex Writing 2008, Best Sex Writing 2009, Best Sex Writing 2010, Caught Looking, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Fast Girls, Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex, He's on Top, Hide & Seek, The Mile High Club, Obsessed, Orgasmic, Passion, Peep Show, Please, Ma'am, Please, Sir, Rubber Sex, She's on Top, Smooth, Spanked, Surrender, Tasting Her, Tasting Him, Women in Lust, Yes, Ma'am or Yes, Sir. See all the covers at Cleis Press..

Email your receipt to me at bestsexwriting2012 at gmail.com by January 20th. Put "BOGO" in the subject and include the receipt, your name and US mailing address, and which book you'd like. I will mail you an autographed copy by February 9th. If you'd like me to autograph it to someone other than you, just let me know. Thanks for reading! A refresher below if you want to know more about the book.

Watch the book trailer:





Table of contents:

When the Sex Guru Met the Sex Panic Susie Bright

Beyond the Headlines: Real Sex Secrets Rachel Kramer Bussel (see below)



Sluts, Walking Amanda Marcotte

Criminalizing Circumcision: Self-Hatred as Public Policy Marty Klein

The Worship of Female Pleasure Tracy Clark-Flory

Sex, Lies, and Hush Money Katherine Spillar

The Dynamics of Sexual Acceleration Chris Sweeney

Atheists Do It Better: Why Leaving Religion Leads to Better Sex Greta Christina

To All the Butches I Loved between 1995 and 2005: An Open Letter about Selling Sex, Selling Out, and Soldiering On Amber Dawn

I Want You to Want Me Hugo Schwyzer

Grief, Resilience, and My 66th Birthday Gift Joan Price

Latina Glitter Rachel Rabbit White

Dating with an STD Lynn Harris

You Can Have Sex With Them; Just Don't Photograph Them Radley Balko

An Unfortunate Discharge Early in My Naval Career Tim Elhajj

Guys Who Like Fat Chicks Camille Dodero

The Careless Language of Sexual Violence. Roxane Gay

Men Who "Buy Sex" Commit More Crimes: Newsweek, Trafficking, and the Lie of Fabricated Sex Studies Thomas Roche

Taking Liberties Tracy Quan

Why Lying about Monogamy Matters Susie Bright

Losing the Meatpacking District: A Queer History of Leather Culture Abby Tallmer

Penis Gagging, BDSM, and Rape Fantasy: The Truth about Kinky Sexting Rachel Kramer Bussel

Adrian's Penis: Care and Handling Adrian Colesberry

The Continuing Criminalization of Teen Sex Ellen Friedrichs

Love Grenade Lidia Yuknavitch

Pottymouth Kevin Sampsell

Beyond the Headlines: Real Sex SecretsRachel Kramer Bussel

I think about sex a lot—every day, in fact. I don't mean that in an "I want to get it on" way, but in a "What are other people up to?" way. I'm a voyeur, first and foremost, and this extends to my writing. I'm naturally curious about what other people think about sex, from their intimate lives to how their sexuality translates to the larger world.

With the Best Sex Writing series, I get to merge my voyeuristic self with my journalism leanings, and peek into the lives, public and private, of those around me. This volume in the series doesn't pull any punches; the authors have strong opinions, whether it's Marty Klein sticking up for circumcision in the face of an effort in California to criminalize it, Roxane Gay taking the New York Times to task for its treatment of an 11-year-old rape victim, Thomas Roche calling out Newsweek for its shoddy reporting about prostitution, or Radley Balko examining a child pornography charge.

There are also more personal takes on sex here that go beyond facile headlines or easy answers, that aren't about making a point so much as exploring what real-life sex is like in all its beauty, drama, and messiness. Whether it's Amber Dawn and Tracy Quan sharing the truth about their lives as sex workers, or Hugo Schwyzer explaining the damage our culture does to men with its mythology about their innate sexual prowess, or Tim Elhajj's first-person account of pre–don't ask, don't tell military life, these authors show you a side of sex that you rarely see.

What you are about to read are stories, all true, some reported on the streets and some recorded from lived experience, from the front lines of sexuality. They deal with topics you read about in the headlines, and some topics you may never have considered. They are but a small sampling of the many kinds of sexual stories I received in the submission process.

Part of why I think sex never goes out of style, as a topic or activity, is that it is so very complex. There is no one way to do it, nor two, nor three. Sex can be mundane or mind-blowing, and for those who are trying to get from the former to the latter, there is a plethora of resources but also a host of misinformation purveyed by snake oil salesmen.

In Best Sex Writing 2012, you will read about subjects as diverse as "Guys Who Like Fat Chicks," the care an handling of a man's penis, and the glamour and glitter of the Latina drag world. Abby Tallmer, telling a story set in a very specific time and place—the gay leather clubs of New York's Meatpacking District in the 1990s—manages to capture why sexual community is so vital, and why, I'd venture, those who lack such a community wind up mired in sex scandals. Tallmer writes, "These clubs gave us a place to feel that we were no longer outsiders—or rather, they made us feel that it was better to be outsiders, together, than to force ourselves to be just like everybody else."

I'm especially pleased to present stories about the kinds of sexuality and sexual issues that don't always make the headlines, from Lynn Harris's investigation of dating with an STD to Hugo Schwyzer's moving look at men's need to be sexually desired and what happens when boys and men are told that that wanting to be desired is wrong. Joan Price gives some insight into elder sexuality, as well as into what it's like to purchase the services of a sexual healer. The topic of elder sex is often treated with horror or disgust, or the focus is placed on concern over STDs—which is a worthy topic this series has explored before. But Price, author of two books on elder sexuality (her piece here is excerpted from Naked At Our Age), obliges the reader to see the humanity behind her age. She writes, "My birthday erotic massage from a gentle stranger changed something in me. It showed me that I was still a responsive, fully sexual woman, getting ready to emerge from the cocoon of mourning into reexperiencing life. I realized that one big reason I ended up on Sunyata's massage table was so that I could get ready to reenter the world."

Not all, or even most, of the reading here is "easy." Much of it is challenging and heartbreaking. Roxane Gay's media criticism centers on a New York Times story about a Texas gang rape and why "The Careless Language of Sexual Violence" distorts our understanding about rape. You may think such a piece doesn't belong in an anthology with this title, but until we rid our world of sexual violence so that everyone can freely express themselves sexually, we need to hear searing indictments of media or those in power who ignore injustice.

As an editor, I'm not only looking for pieces that I agree with, or identify with, but for work that illuminates something new about a topic that's been around forever. The authors here dig deep, challenging both mainstream ideas about sex and a few sex-positive sacred cows. Ellen Friedrichs sticks up for the right of teenagers to be sexual without throwing parents, school boards, and other adults into a sex panic. Amanda Marcotte explores the fast-moving SlutWalk protest phenomenon, which has garnered criticisms from various sides, from being futile to only appealing to white women.

I will quote Abby Tallmer again, because I don't hear the words "sexual liberation" often enough these days. What moves me most about her piece is that you don't have to be a New Yorker, queer, leather, or kinky to understand what she's talking about. I'm 100 percent with her when she writes, "Back then, many of us believed that gay liberation was rooted in sexual liberation, and we believed that liberation was rooted in the right—no, the need—to claim ownership of our bodies, to experience and celebrate sexuality in as many forms as possible, limited only by our time and imagination." I hope this applies in 2012 just as much as it did in the 1970s, 80s, or 90s.

The truth is, I could have filled a book twice this size. Every day, stories are breaking, and being told, about sex—some wondrous, some heartbreaking. This is not a one-handed read, but it is a book that will stimulate your largest sex organ: your brain. Whether you live and breathe sex, you are curious about sex, or somewhere in between, I hope Best Sex Writing 2012 informs, incites, and inspires you. I hope it inspires you to write and tell your own sexual story, because I believe the more we talk about the many ways sex moves us, the more we work toward a world where sexual shame, ignorance, homophobia, and violence are diminished.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this book and what you think are the hot topics around sex. Feel free to email me at rachel at bestsexwriting.com with your comments and suggestions for next year's anthology.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York
November 2011

Book cover prettiness

Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples is here! My copies arrived last night. Yay. In stores, online and off, very soon.

Dorkily stalking the newsstands for the February 2012 sex issue of Inked

I'm such a dork but I don't care. I love writing for new venues and it's rare these days that those are print venues. I've been wanting to write for Inked for a while and I haven't seen it yet, but a short interview I did with Tristan Taormino about her work and her tattoos should be in their February 2012 sex issue, on newsstands soon. I've known Tristan for over a decade and have interviewed her multiple times but I learned things from this interview, as I should! If you missed it, I wrote about my first tattoo, "Why I Got The Word 'Open' Tattooed on My Back" for Lemondrop, and think good thoughts about an essay about my second tattoo that is out on submission that I hope to share with you, let's just say sometime in 2012. I have a vague inkling (ha!) that I want to get another one when I'm in Portland, Oregon. Partly because it'd be cool to have one from Portland, Maine and Portland, Oregon, partly because my friend there is a tattoo artist, and partly because the right side of my body is feeling art neglected.

Eat cupcakes with me today at 2 in Tribeca

All you need to know about today's cupcake meetup at Billy's Bakery is here.

And if you like, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Blue Ivy Carter and/or babies, please check out my post . Anyone famous you want to see a cupcake post about? It would require there be cupcakes related to them out there, but you'd be surprised what people bake.

Naked women dancing, Baryshnikov sighting and super comfortable seats at Young Jean Lee's Untitled Feminist Show

First I want to say that I'm not a dance critic, or any kind of critic besides a book critic, nor do I want to be. For proper professional real performance art criticism, read Culturebot or the forum of your choice.

Another caveat is that I've seen probably less than five dance performances in my life. I go to theater more than I go to the movies, and I read a lot, and sometimes I go to museums. Those are the main forms of art I consume. The idea of dance performances is not one that sounds like something I'd like. It sounds over my head, like the ideas are being expressed in a language I don't speak, hence I shy away from it, which is perhaps a vicious cycle. So in the interest of recommending it before I forget what I saw or chicken out that this is useless and amateurish, here are my thoughts.

But when my friend H. invited me to see Untitled Feminist Show by Young Jean Lee at Baryshnikov Arts Center, I said yes, based almost entirely on this image:



First thing that happened is that as we were standing outside saying hi to Melissa Febos, she spotted Baryshnikov. I'm not sure I would've recognized him, but there he was entering the theater. He was part of the audience too. We went inside and admired the crowd, which seemed to be a mix of queer folks in their twenties and thirties, burlesque fans, and theater and dance fans.

I wish I had a photo of the seats, because I think I can safely say they are the most comfortable theater seats I've ever sat in, and the prettiest. They are a teal-ish blue and were extremely comfortable; I could easily lie down and sleep on them. That helped, cause I tend to get fidgety.

Once the lights went down, the six naked performers started making their way down the stairs on either side, breathing heavily. By the time they reached the stage, I knew this was not going to be a "regular" dance performance. Firstly, it was funny. I felt invited to both ogle and appreciate and laugh at the absurdity of the naked women onstage. The dancing involved skipping, leaping, running, head banging, touching, acrobatics, acting, interacting, laughing, crying, fighting, flirting with the audience, and simulating sex acts, among other things. I was surprised that it was a far cry from whatever my preconceived notions of "dance" were.

My takeaway was that I didn't need to "know" or decipher what ever scene "meant" to enjoy it. That there were extremely minimal props besides the women's bodies--namely, lights, music and a few parasols--is remarkable. And about those bodies: not only don't you see six naked women onstage very often, but seeing the range of bodies, from what I can only describe as butch, to plus-size, tattoos peeking out here and there. Their nudity was certainly a major component of the performance, which struck me when they came out onstage at the end to take a bow in a variety of clothing and styles that I'm pretty sure would've been distracting during the show. Seeing them move in all kinds of motions naked and utterly comfortable in their skin was moving and inspiring. It made me appreciate the strength it took to lift up another woman and make it look effortless, to be so seemingly at ease. That I admired greatly.

The highlight, for me, was seeing Hilary Clark rock out to a number that was just remarkable; she was at one with the music, hair whipping each way. It was this totally pure rock appreciation moment, and she took it into the audience, including dancing right on over to Baryshnikov. It was beautiful and glorious and then segued into a fight scene that was my second favorite, in slow motion. It was a strange sensation to enjoy watching women fighting, even if it was in the context of a performance; it was beautiful, and that kindof messed with my head, but it was also real. Women aren't always BFFs with each other, and the show touches on jealousy and outsiderness and being part of a group and excluded from one. At least, I think it does.

In conclusion, I really have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about and I'm obviously self-conscious about that, but in the spirit of writing is always better than not writing, a lesson I'm still slowly, painfully and expensively learning, I'm gonna share this because I am so glad I went to the show. It was beautiful and captivating and fascinating and utterly entertaining.

Read more: Time Out New York interview with Young Jean Lee

$6 for all you can eat cupcakes with me at our meetup tomorrow!

Hope to see some of you tomorrow at our Cupcakes Take the Cake meetup, and if you can't make it, tell someone in New York City who likes cupcakes about this bargain! RSVP here. See you then!

Billy's Bakery Tribeca
75 Franklin Street
New York, NY

Happy New Year! We get to try all eight of Billy's Bakery new cupcake flavors. Maple Pecan, Lemon Poppy, Chai, Dreamsicle, Nutella, Chocolate Mint, Almond Pistachio and Chocolate Cherry. Bring an empty stomach and a friend! For just $6 you can eat all the cupcakes you want. Drinks and non-cupcake items are separate.