JohnA Passaro's Blog, page 35

The Sound of my Soul

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I believe the measurement of success in my life comes down to this.

Whether the sound of my soul is getting louder or whether it is dimming.

I’ve learned to embrace people, actions and events that make the sound of my soul louder.

Clearer.

Quite simply, if a person, action or event dims the sound of my soul I don’t engage, do it or participate.

No matter what.

There is nothing that I will ever do that will dim the sound of my soul.

These actions or events that dim the sound of my soul are like clouds.

They get in the way of me feeling the warmth and seeing the light.

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Work

[image error]Once you get past the point of expecting life to be easy,

It becomes much less difficult.

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Miracles

[image error]It is in the crucible of optimism that the alchemy of greatness is created.

It is in the blind refusal to accept the evidence of ones own senses.

And the doggedness to ignore surface rationality that miracles become reality.

Miracles require an essential lunacy.

A willingness to keep striving towards a goal as the majority snicker down their sleeve.

All miracles have one thing in common one person believed in the small chance above all else.

Mathew Syed

What Do You Do When It Happens to You?

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Life is hard.

And unpredictable.

Sometimes, life will throw you a curve.

When it does, the solution is easy; you just learn to hit a curve.

But what do you do when life throws you a grenade instead?

One that goes off, disrupts and destroys nearly every aspect of your life.

A death, divorce, a diagnosis – a random act of violence.

You wake up one day, and your current life is no reflection of the life you once knew.

When this happens, I’m not going to tell you everything is going to be alright.

That is going to be up to you.

You are going to have to fight.

And even after you win the fight, the term ‘alright’ is going to take on a whole new meaning to you.

What I will tell you is to buckle up because it is going to hurt like hell.

For that, I do know.

You are going to experience a hurt more intense than you can ever imagine. 

Enough to paralyze you.

And when you do learn how to move again, you will be at your breaking point.

Many times over.

The pain will be enough to fill your every thought with quitting and throwing in the towel.

Don’t.

When you get pushed to the edge, to your breaking point, instead of using a period in your life, use a semi-colon.

Pause, but then go on.

There is more story left to write.

More life to live.

More love to feel.

Hang in there.

Tread water for as long as you can.

And even longer if you have to.

Endurance requires purpose.

Purpose requires love.

Find yours.

The best day in your life hasn’t been lived as of yet.

You need to believe that. 

Kindness in the universe will find you. 

As you sit there looking around at the destruction in your life, what you do not yet realize is the adversity you have experienced, although devastating, has secretly given you a gift.

A gift so valuable, you will never want to relinquish it.

Although this gift is available to everyone, everyone’s too busy to recognize it.

They say, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

You are now ready.

Look around.

At first, you may not see anything. 

But I can assure you the teacher is present.

Your ascension from the depths of despair to the heights of euphoria is about to begin.

Right now you can only see the ways your life has changed for the worse.

Those changes are quite obvious.

The good news, and yes there is good news, is your life has the possibility to change for the better.

Significantly.

It is a universal law that when the universe takes something of value from you, it must give you the gift of the ‘seed of something greater’ in return.

One day, I don’t know when, probably sometime after all your human emotions have run their course, you will come face to face with your gift of the ‘seed of something greater.’

What you do with that seed will be totally up to you.

You can plant and nourish the seed and experience the miracle of its growth, or you can pay it no attention and allow its fruit to die, even before it gets to the vine.

Make your choice wisely.

The quality of your life depends on it.

This seed is the greatest gift you will ever be given in your life.

You don’t know that as of yet.

But you will in time.

If there is anything you ever trust again – trust in the fact that this seed if planted, will produce boundless fruit in your life.

The fruit you never knew existed.

Fruit that will nurture you back to health.

You have paid the full price for this fruit.

You might as well be nourished by it.

I will not insult you and say the fruit is in any way a fair exchange for what you have lost.

Or even that you should be grateful for the exchange.

And I know it is not an exchange you sought, and one if given the choice, one you would undue.

But when all is said and done, you have two choices.

You can open and use the gift.

Or not.

That is up to you.

The exchange may not be what you want in your life right now.

But it is what you have.

And it is much more valuable than you know.

I have never met a person who experienced a life-changing event whoever wanted to give back their new found perspective on life.

I know you do not believe that to be true.

I believe, in time you will.

For, inside the gift lives what you lost.

And opening the gift is the only way to keep what you lost alive.

Rebuilding your life makes its spirit flourish.

And that spirit goes out into the universe to help others.

I believe that.

I know right now you want to lie down amongst the rubble in your life, to just blend into the destruction. 

They say the greatest mistake is in giving up.

Don’t.

It is your duty to build again.

The normal reaction will be to try to rebuild a life exactly as the one you had before the grenade went off.

That will prove futile.

As you rebuild, if you attempt to replicate your past life you will realize if you rely on the pieces the grenade destroyed, you will come up short in comparison, as gaps and holes will emerge in your new structure, and the result will look nothing like your life before the grenade hit.

The key is to rebuild, not to replicate.

Obviously, there will be pieces of your life that will be missing.

You are going to need to be resourceful; to do more, with less.

As you rebuild, your newfound perspective on life will be your greatest asset.

And the rubble will miraculously transform into a foundation on which you will build anew.

J.K. Rowling profoundly said, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

It can be done.

You should do it.

It is worth it.

Every day is a new life.

There is a whole life waiting.

No, it will not be the same.

It can’t be. 

Integral pieces are missing.

But it will be enough to make this moment matter.

And, matter it does.

Do not attempt to make answers to your unanswerable questions the prerequisite to your happiness.

I promise you what you do not currently understand, one day you will.

You need to believe that.

Your effort is better utilized teaming up with trust, belief, faith, and love.

Unconditionally.

So pick up the first shattered piece of your life and attach it to the next.

Glue them together with love.

Keep doing that.

That is how you to build again.

To live again.

To care again.

To be you again.

What do you do when it happens to you?

No matter how hard it is.

You love again.

You love deeper.

More intensely.

More vulnerably.

For the only remedy for a lost love is to love more.

Do not act like love is a rare commodity which needs to be rationed to preserve its existence.

It does not.

Quite the opposite.

Love is infinitely abundant.

Give it away and you will find that it multiplies and replenishes itself.

Hold onto it and it withers away.

Share it and you will have an endless supply.

I needn’t remind you that life is one thing, then in an instant, it is something else.

But the beauty of life is that it works both ways.

When nothing is certain, everything is possible.

Believe that.

For every doubt, there is an equivalent belief.

Doubt your doubts.

Believe your beliefs.

Whatever it is that you are going through I sincerely hope you get to the other side.

But how?

Where do you start?

With every aspect of your life in disarray, one can very easily succumb to despair.

Au contraire mon frère.

Abandon despair.

The way you start the processes of healing and rebuilding is to just appreciate one thing.

Just one thing.

Then repeat indefinitely.

Look around, you can do it.

Appreciation is the bridge to gratitude.

And gratitude is the path to the other side.

Appreciation and gratitude will lead you to view life with a new perspective.

The combined effects of appreciation and gratitude are exponentially dynamic and will send you on a path to:

Believe, more.

Doubt, less.

Trust, more.

Fear, less.

Hope, more.

Despair, less.

Care, more.

Compare, less.

Live, more.

Love, more.

Exist, less.

Appreciate the ordinary.

Everything matters.

Always be in the moment.

Pay attention.

Allow nature to be your muse.

The wind will whisper to your soul.

Listen, trust, act.

Listen to your inner self.

Be still and allow the answers you seek to find you.

It will lead you.

Initially, you will not want to trust your intuition.

Do so, anyway.

For humans plan one move out, and your soul knows plans for three moves out.

One move out never makes sense, but somehow one move leads to the next, which leads to the next, which leads to the next.

And miraculously, after a few unforeseen moves, your soul was right.

Allow your soul to be the magnetic force pulling you towards healing.

Allow family and friends to help you.

Do what you need to do, for as long as you need to do it.

Grieve.

Cry.

Hurt.

But while doing so, bring along appreciation and gratitude, as they are healing agents.

So is smiling.

Laughing.

Giggling.

I know human nature makes loving again after a loss seems like self-inflicted torture.

Don’t believe that.

Love is the greatest asset in life.

Love again.

Love deeper.

Human nature also makes a comeback seem impossible.

Don’t believe in human nature, believe in the Divine.

With the Divine all things are possible.

Act as if everything is possible.

Have confidence.

Exude enthusiasm.

Be amazed.

Live in awe.

Become the best version of yourself you have ever been.

Be an asset.

Earn your keep.

Forgive.

Be thankful.

Say thank you.

Seek to understand.

Have empathy.

Bridge differences.

Unite.

Simplify.

Organize.

Optimize.

Be resourceful.

Have a vision.

Passionately pursue your life’s purpose.

Diligently pursue your life’s passion.

Embrace your age.

Value each increment of time.

Do something good for someone who has no chance of ever being able to repay you.

Touch someone’s soul at every opportunity.

Be happy when others find happiness.

Appreciate the miracle of a new day.

Find extraordinary in the ordinary.

Recognize the divine in everything.

Reacquaint with an old friend.

Be a good friend.

Be an integral part of your family.

Love yourself.

Be intimate with your loved one.

Feel.

Touch.

Be held.

Hug someone an extra second longer than you usually would.

Seek to understand others journey.

Learn your parent’s life story.

Make a new friend.

Be compassionate.

Tap into a universal higher power.

Follow your life’s inner compass.

Help a lost soul find their way.

Improve the quality of other people’s lives.

Mentor a child.

Keep a person company who is down on their luck.

Get one with nature.

Garden.

Care for animals.

Communicate more.

Pick up the phone.

Send the email.

Mail the letter.

Send the thank you note.

Run into the person in the grocery store isle instead of dodging them.

Eliminate distance in your relationships.

Show up unexpectedly.

Say hello.

Say goodbye.

Say I’m sorry.

Say I don’t know.

Say I love you.

Make time in your life to be kind.

Help others without their asking.

Seek solutions.

Overlook others flaws.

Be the difference.

Fight like hell.

Keep your marriage sacred.

Pass along a positive outlook on life to your children.

Be fun to be around.

See the miracle in everything.

Detect fake smiles in others and decipher what pain they are hiding – then do something to make the fake smile turn real.

Hear those who are silently crying out for help and share in and absorb some of their pain.

Surprise someone, for no other reason other than because you can.

Do more than what is expected from you no matter how much is expected from you.

Challenge yourself.

Strive to be the “best you,” you have ever been.

If there is one more thing that you can do – do it.

Solve problems with love.

Add love to everything you do, with everyone you see.

Give love freely.

Give love first.

Open all of your gifts.

Look forward to tomorrow.

Live, today.

Love, right now.

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The Beauty Within a Storm

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Just as I thought spring would appear another storm arrived.

When I woke this morning, I was reminded of two things.

The view from my window this morning reminded me that there is beauty within a storm.

Secondly, Facebook reminded me that 5 years ago today, on March 8th, 2013, I released

“6 Minutes Wrestling with Life.” 

If you would have asked me when I was eight years old what I wanted to be when I grew up, without hesitation I would have replied “A sportswriter.”

If you would have asked me at thirteen how I was going to accomplish that I would have laid out my plan;  I was going to attend Syracuse University, where I would wrestle and get my degree in sports journalism.

And then spend my every waking moment thereafter writing about life, sports, and great people.

Well, it didn’t happen that way.

At least not the part of attending Syracuse University, wrestling and getting my sports journalism degree.

But somehow, through it all, one’s soul aligns itself with what it was meant to do.

Today, if you ask me what I am most passionate about I would say writing about life, sports, and great people.

So in a way my soul was right, I am aligned. 

Today is the 5th anniversary of “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life.”

A book I never saw coming but one which is somehow exactly what my soul whispered I would do.

And as I reflect on the last five years since Its release, I look out my window this morning and I marvel at the beauty within the storm.

I have often said the reward I have received for writing “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life” has been the people I have met.

The real-life circumstances they have shared with me.

The well wishes they have given me.

I have seen the best part of people and the human spirit.

I just want to say thank you to all the people I have met during my storm for you have added beauty to my life.

Thank you for silently picking me up.

Thank you for the 3 am emails that arrived at the exact time I needed them.

Thank you for the comments you left in an article.

Thank you for dropping a kindness pebble and rippling your kindness throughout the world.

Thank you for filling my soul.

Thank you for your encouragement and for making my soul beat louder.

Thank you for magnetically pulling me onto the right path and through each day.

Thank you.

I started writing because of a feeling, a feeling my soul was emanating that somehow it was going to take me on a journey of goodness.

And it has.

I have seen the good.

I have heard the good.

I have experienced the good.

I have met the good.

And that good is you.

With every person I meet,

With every story that is shared with me,

With every introduction of how a story has touched you,

With every email, text, and phone call, I am reminded of the beauty within a storm.

All I wanted when I wrote the book was to somehow have more good than bad come from my daughter’s situation.

To have more love than pain to be added to this world.

Hopefully, on a small scale, I have accomplished that.

I know you have added more love and reduced the pain in mine.

And for that, I thank you.

I may not have gone to Syracuse University to wrestle and become a sports journalist, but somehow I feel I am on my souls’ path.

In a weird way, I wound up doing exactly what my soul already knew I would do, just in a way I never imagined.

Yes, there always seems to be more storms than we expect.

Just remember to always notice the beauty within the storm.

Thank you for being the beauty within mine.

Synchronized Elation

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As parents of wrestlers we all know the range of emotions we go through during the year, and especially in the post-season.

Hope, hurt, elation, pride, sadness.

It’s a roller-coaster ride with your hands up in the air on a cycle of ups, downs, twists, turns. A total loss of emotional control that we beg for it to stop, and when it does we immediately run back to get on the ride to experience it all over again.

This is having one kid competing.

Imagine having two wrestlers competing at the same time.

There is a new emotion that I have encountered and named and it’s – Sappy.

Literally being sad and happy at the same time.

That’s when one of your sons wins and the other does not.

You’re simultaneously

50% Sad and 50% happy.

Every parent who has had two wrestlers wrestling at the same time know this emotion is the most difficult to experience.

The happy side feels guilty that your happy, and the sad side is absolutely hurting.

Unless you have experienced Sappy you don’t understand the degree that this emotion drains you.

As a parent you always adjust yourself to the child that needs you the most, so the happy gets sacrificed for the sad.

No brother combination ever wants to be the brother on the happy side feeling so good while seeing his sibling feeling so bad.

Now imagine if you had twins wrestling at the same time.

The degree of Sappy gets exponentially increased due the the fact your sons are so Synchronized in all that they do.

Last night, before the D2 State finals, all I asked from the Universe was to be kind.

Last year when both Luke and Jack Bokina were state finalists and experienced the same emotions, my initial emotional reaction was – “I’m so glad they didn’t experience SAPPY”

So when Luke Bokina won his state championship last night at 132 pounds, I sat there for the next 20 minutes asking the Universe for the same favor again this year.

Twenty minutes later Jack Bokina also became a New York State Champion @ 145 pounds.

At that moment I defined a new emotion call Synchronized Elation.

I am extremely happy for Luke and Jack for their State Championships.

But I can’t express the degree of happiness I have for the Bokina family as they get to feel Synchronized Elation.

JohnA Passaro – February Specials

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Today is my Birthday, But it is Not the Day I Became Alive

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The evidence suggests Johannes Vermeer’s

Daughter Maria

Was his likely model and a crucial part of his art

When he painted the iconic

Girl With a Pearl Earring  

Today is my birthday. 

I have been on this earth for 53 years.

19,356 days to be exact.

Of which, I have been truly alive for only 3,075 of those days.

I no longer look at my birthday as the point of reference as to when I truly became alive in the timeline of my life.

I now look at my Re-Birth Day as that exact point.

3,075 days ago I became a member of the “Life-Changing Events Club” and I was welcomed into the inner circle of life.

3,075 days ago was the day my daughter lost oxygen to her brain for six minutes.

I call that day my Re-Birth Day.

You would think I would refer to that day as the day I died.

But I don’t.

I refer to that day as the day of my Re-Birth.

The day I was turned.

Converted.

The day I started becoming the best version of myself.

For it is the day as an adult that I woke up to what is truly important in life.

To appreciate the miraculous gift we have been given – life. 

That day I started to pull every ounce of invigoration out of life.

Each of my last 3,075 days on this earth has been super turbocharged.

Magnified.

Intense.

Memorable.

Each day has been deeply branded into my soul to produce the person I am today.

The best version of myself that I have ever been.

I have been a Life-changing event club member for only 16% of my life.

I don’t remember what it is like to not be a club member anymore.

Although I would do anything to change the circumstances that made me a member, I would never renounce my membership.

By design or disaster, I would recommend you become a member.

Hopefully by design.

But even if by disaster, realize membership into this exclusive club is a gift.

And your present is a new perspective on life and it’s value.

Club members value and prioritize the human spirit and their number one priority is to rekindle it in others when they see it dwindling.

I beg of you, don’t ever let life erode your spirit and when you have the opportunity to revive it in others, do so. If you see something, say something. As the thing you might want to say to someone and don’t might be the exact thing they needed to hear and didn’t.

And please don’t wait for a life-changing event to become the best version of yourself.

Truly live.

Each day, be reborn anew.

Each day have your feelings magnified.

Each day have your memories burned into your soul.

Set out to improve the quality of other people’s lives and the universe will improve yours.

Do it now.  

By design.

So, live.

Fully.

Intensely.

Impactfully.

My only wish is that you and I magnify the human spirit in others and the reward we receive is to have our spirit renewed in return.

This is a priceless gift.

No treasure can compare to it.

I can’t wait to feel the intense magnification of life, to share it with you and to somehow, someway know when you need a rekindling of your human spirit.

As a club member, today may be my birthday, but more importantly, every new day has become my Re-birth Day.

I beg of you, don’t wait for disaster to strike to start to truly live.

By design or disaster.

Choose by design, it is much less painful.

 

You Put Your Toe on the Line and You Fight Like Hell

My first varsity wrestling match was against one of the strongest wrestlers I ever knew.

I actually remember saying those exact words as I walked off the mat in Commack South after wrestling Adam Pitt in 1979.

Now, 38 years later I am convinced that was one of the truest statements I ever made in my life.

If the disciplines of wrestling are designed to convert high school wrestlers to men, to teach them how to fight whatever life will throw at them, then wrestling worked its wonders on Adam Pitt.

After a long struggle and fight against an opponent much bigger than he, Adam passed away this past week.

Over the last few months, I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with Adam after 38 years.

He contacted me after reading my book, “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life.”

We messaged back and forth a few times.

At the time I had no idea he was sick.

Until, I did what everyone in this generation does – check out one’s Facebook page.

And there I saw post after post how Adam, through the way he lived his life, especially through his fight, had touched so many lives.

One post instantly struck me when he was asked how he dealt with his sickness each day, he said,  “You put your toe on the line and you fight like hell.” 

Towards the end, our messages turned into phone calls, as Adam would call me every once in a while.

During those phone calls, not many words were said, as talking was a struggle for him at this time, but that wasn’t to say nothing was communicated – it was if he was transferring spirit to me instead.

It’s amazing, but the silence on the phone had an immediate and amazing impact on me.

It wasn’t awkward, it was the type of time you know is important when it’s happening.

After every phone call with Adam, I felt renewed, energized.

And virtually nothing was said.

Nothing had to be said.

At the time Adam and I were both fighting a battle against an opponent much bigger and stronger than both of us – and we both knew it.

The days after talking with Adam when I felt I had had enough and the fight in me started to erode, I always referred back to the silent phone calls we shared and the message he conveyed – “You put your toe on the line and you fight like hell.”

That’s all you can do.

And in the process, no matter what the outcome may be, people will see the fight and struggle and their spirits will be lifted, their approach will be changed and their lives will be improved.

Just like when you wrestle an opponent much bigger than you, you win even in other ways other than scoring more points than them.

There is something about giving all you got and fighting no matter what, for as long as you can.

Even if the struggle ends in sorrow, sorrow transfers to spirit.

And spirit lasts forever.

The poem by Robert Browning Hamilton is appropriate:

I walked a mile with Pleasure;

She chatted all the way;

But left me none the wiser.

For all, she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;

And never a word said she;

But, oh!

The things I learned from her,

When Sorrow walked with me.

Oh! the spirit of Adam will live on with everyone he touched, forever.

 

 

Light in Weight, Not in Heart

[image error]With a unique perspective of my sons having wrestled for ESM and then having both gone on to coach at Center Moriches I looked forward to the dual meet between the two teams.

It is great to see ESM nearly fully developed and reaching their potential.

It is equally gratifying to see CM making great strides along the same path.

As most fans do before a match, in my mind I scoured the rosters of both teams analyzing where the best match would take place.

I know all the kids having followed them closely over the years.

With Busiello, Redding, both Gannone’s, Parrish, Titus, O’Neill, Wood, Sawyer in the lineups, I was sure it would come from one of those well known and experienced wrestlers.

Boy, was I wrong.

To my surprise, the best match of the dual meet, and in my opinion, the best match of the tournament, came from two equally matched, underweight, 99 pounders.

Or at least that is the weight class that they wrestle in as it was quite obvious that neither weighed nowhere near 99 pounds.

There is nothing more frustrating for an undersized 99 pounder than in every match have two opponents they need to beat, the one lining up across from them and the difference in weight.

They can try as they will, but in most, if not all the matches the difference in weight proves to be the more daunting opponent.

So when Center Moriches’s Jaiden Holmes approached the circle verse ESM’s Anthony Fioriglio it may have proved to be their only match this year where they would get to wrestle an opponent similar in weight.

And wrestle they did.

The twists and turns and almosts were exciting.

The back points and reversals were entertaining.

The determination was inspiring.

The sheer effort and will was refreshing.

As my old wrestling coach used to say, “Who’d have thunk” with all the well-known wrestlers on each team roster the match of the tournament would come out of left field.

That’s the beauty of this sport, to watch two equally matched opponents give their all in the center circle for all to be better off to have witnessed.

I’d watch those two wrestlers wrestle every day.

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