Leslie Glass's Blog, page 422

Can You Overdose on Marijuana? Baby Becomes First Ever Death from Ingesting Too Much Cannabis, Doctors Claim

It’s a statistic commonly found on the lips of marijuana legalization advocates: No death from a pot overdose has ever been reported, according to the FDA.

But now, doctors in Colorado think they may have uncovered the first-ever fatality from a marijuana overdose—in an 11-month-old baby. But their conclusions are controversial.

In a case report titled Pediatric Death Due to Myocarditis After Exposure to Cannabis, Thomas M. Nappe and Christopher O. Hoyte detail the case of an unidentified child who died of an inflamed heart muscle, or “myocarditis.”

The two men, based at the Rocky Mountain Poison and Drug Center in Colorado, which legalized cannabis in January 2014, say that THC, the main psychoactive chemical found in pot, was discovered in the baby’s blood and urine.

They go on to describe this chemical as “the only uncovered risk factor… for his myocarditis,” and add that it is likely there because the boy ingested cannabis. The chemical’s presence “is highly unlikely attributable to passive exposure,” the pair write.

Cannabis has been linked to myocarditis before, the authors point out, naming three cases in teenagers and young adults where cannabis use was suspected to cause the condition. None of these cases ended in death, however.

And, Hoyte told Colorado’s 9News, “We extensively ruled out almost every other cause that we can think of,” apart from exposure to cannabis. Other causes of the condition include infections by viruses, bacteria and other germs.

“Myself, our team, plus the primary team taking care of the patient, plus the coroner who did the post-mortem on the child,” Hoyte said, “And we found no other reason why this young kid ended up having inflammation on his heart.”

Hoyte and Nappe’s paper does not provide conclusive proof that a baby was killed by cannabis exposure.

But, they argue in their conclusion: “Given two rare occurrences with a clear temporal relationship—the recent exposure to cannabis and the myocarditis-associated cardiac arrest—we believe there exists a plausible relationship that justifies further research into cannabis-associated cardiotoxicity and related practice adjustments.”

Others aren’t so sure.

“There’s so many things that cause the problem that this poor baby had, that we’re not even close to saying it was definitively a marijuana overdose,” Dr. Noah Kaufman, an emergency medicine specialist in Colorado, told 9News.

“Allergies can cause this. What if the kiddo was allergic to the carnauba wax, or whatever is in the gummy that’s not the marijuana?”

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Co-Dependent Forgives Self, Eats Cake

When my son was two, he was a biter. One day he bit my sister-in-law. She told him if it happened again, she’d bite him back. Of course, he bit her again, and she bit him back. Here’s how I finally learned to forgive this incident.

Just thinking about that day, now nine years later, still makes my blood boil.

Each time we recall an angry memory, the anger starts the same bio-chemical reactions with the same intensity even if it was an incident from long ago.

My remembering this doesn’t hurt her, or my son, but it hurts me.

I watched in horror, then I said nothing. Not a word. I was shocked, but I was also afraid of hurting her feelings. I hate that about myself. My people pleasing ran deep. I didn’t protect my innocent, adorable little biter because I was afraid I might hurt her feelings?!?

Somebody owes me an apology, but it’s not my sister-in-law. The person I really need to forgive here is me. I need to let myself of the hook for not protecting him from her. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.

My Higher Power tells me I’m not the horrible mom I think I am for letting this happen. Wise friends remind me that I’m not responsible for her behavior, and I don’t have to ever accept that behavior again. They reassure me that her opinion of me or my son is none of my business.

I really want my sister-in-law to love my son as much as I love him. I think she owes us love, but she doesn’t have the ability to pay the love she owes. It’s time for me to write off her debt.

Why Forgive?

I’ve lived in fear most of my life. I hope forgiveness will set me free to enjoy life. I want to live without regrets, and I want to be free to speak my mind.

Back in my days of unforgiveness, I used to make this tropical coffee cake all the time for friends and family because I wanted them to love me. The love I gave wasn’t returned. The unreturned love hurt my feelings, and the hurt feelings put a lot of people on a list to forgive.

As I recovered, I learned the most frequent offender on my list of people to forgive is me. I had expectations, and I put myself in unsafe situations. Now I no longer use this cake as a bargaining chip for forgiveness. Instead, it’s a sweet reward.

Tropical Coffee Cake

Ingredients:

¼ cup (1 stick) of melted butter
3 over-ripe bananas
½ cup sugar
½ cup crushed pineapple and juice
1/3 cup coconut flakes
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ teaspoon coconut extract
½ teaspoon pink Himalayan sea salt
1 teaspoon baking soda dissolved into a tablespoon of water
1 egg
2 cups unbleached flour
2 cups tropical trail mix, chopped

The base of this recipe is really my Grandma’s banana bread with a tropical twist. First, melt butter in a mixing bowl. Then add the sugar, bananas, pineapple, flavorings and salt. Mix on medium until well combined.

Add baking soda, egg, and flour. Mix again on medium.

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease Bundt cake pan with coconut oil and dust with sugar.  Pour half of the batter into the pan, then top with half of the chopped tropical trail mix. Add the remaining batter then top with the remaining trail mix.

Bake for 45 minutes. The cake will start to crack when done. You can also check for doneness by inserting a toothpick. It should come out clean – not goopy.

Best shared with friends from recovery; don’t you dare fix this for someone you need to forgive.

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The Gaslighting Tango

What is the Gaslighting tango? It takes two to play, and one person is always the loser. Gaslighting is manipulating in such a way to make someone question his sanity. It’s a form of control that may begin innocently enough. Say a boss, coworker, friend, family member or anyone who interacts with you, does something that seems strange. When he or she explains it away, you let it go. It may be something that makes you feel all is not well with the other person, but you rationalize it so that you can keep or repair the relationship. You’re in the gaslighting tango.

The Gaslighting Tango Begins

Say you have a great time on a first date, and the date leaves abruptly. You’re thrown off balance by this behavior. A little while later the date calls and wants to know why you left in such a hurry. A good question might be: why would you pick up the phone for someone who appears to have ditched you? But you do pick up the call because the dinner was fun and you want to see the date again. You don’t realize you’ve been gaslighted. You just suddenly wonder what really happened. Did you do something to chase the date off? Are you really at fault? You feel weird and unsure of yourself, but agree to go out with the date again. You’re now set up for the gaslight tango. It will happen again and again. This is something that happens with both men and women. There is no gender that has an exclusive on gaslighting. Anyone who wants to gain control over another will try to manipulate the facts to get the upper hand.

Another example might be a family member who is always setting up little traps for you to fall into and when you question what happened or why she or he did it, the gaslighter says you’re too sensitive but doesn’t answer the question. You are put on the defensive and find yourself arguing or trying harder to get your gaslighter to see your point of view, which never happens. It is possible over time to get beaten down and become certain that you are at fault.

Gaslighting Changes Your World View

If you are gaslighted by someone, the world seems cockeyed and you’re driven crazy by hearing one thing and thinking something else happened. You run the tapes in your head over and over to figure out if you’re right or wrong. You try to defend yourself and work harder to prove yourself to the other person.

The Expert Explains

Robin Stern, PhD, Author of The Gaslight Effect, says there are three stages of gaslighting. The first is disbelief it is happening. The second is defending yourself against the manipulation and trying hard to find ways to make it stop by getting the other person see you’re not what they think. The third stage is depression. This is when you experience a personality change. You are unhappy and unlike yourself. People express concern about you and treat you as if you really do have a problem. Gaslighting really happens in many kinds of relationships and can seriously damage people’s self esteem. Read Robin’s warning signs below to see if you have experienced them.

Where Does Gaslighting Come From

The term comes from the 1944 film called Gas Light with Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, & Joseph Cotton. The insidious husband does it to his wife to drive her crazy. It’s a great movie, and, even though a little histrionic in the acting, not out of date at all.

14 Warning Signs of The Gaslighting Tango

You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
You’re always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
 You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
You start trying to do things to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
You have trouble making simple decisions.
You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
You feel hopeless and joyless.
You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.

Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Leslie Glass

 

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6 Relationship Red Flags

Relationship red flags may not be so easy to spot at first. There’s someone in your life who seems so great, someone you admire, and even love.But that person does things that make you feel awful. Red Flags are your own gut feelings telling you all is not well.

Relationship red flags tell you the person you think you love is not so great for your growth and happiness. Here are six that reveal the person you love may not love you back.

Relationship Red Flag Number 1: Criticizing

Say someone criticizes you for every little thing, but also lavishes love on you. Feeling bad about being criticized is the red flag. No one should be criticized. The being lavished with love after being criticized is one kind of Band-Aid that covers it up. In healthy relationships, people don’t criticize each other constantly. If you’re in a relationship with someone who who finds fault with you or blames your or criticizes you constantly, you’re going to feel small and incompetent. That feeling is a red flag to flee or do something about it.

Relationship Red Flag 2: Not Listening

We all know people who talk over others and interrupt. They have opinions about everything. This may not seem important at first, but people who have to put their own thoughts or ideas before you’ve even finished speaking are never going to be able to hear what you have to say. They will always put their own opinions above yours. When you feel that someone doesn’t care about what you want or what your feel, it could be they don’t even hear it. Not listening makes you feel unimportant and is a red flag to flee.

Relationship Red Flag 3: Controlling

What is controlling anyway? Controlling is when the other person always has to have his own way. Whether it’s a small thing like choosing a movie or a restaurant or what you should look like or wear, or a more important thing like whose parents are you going to visit or where you’re going on vacation, the controlling person will have his or her way. Arguing you down from your position, sulking, giving you a gift, and berating you are all ways of controlling you. Controlling can seem like a little thing at first but always escalates as time goes on. If someone chooses your dinner on the first date, or tells you what to do, or where to park, or how to park, etc. that is a red flag of a controlling person. Controlling is like a spider spinning a web around you. If you tolerate it, you can get caught for life. It is a major red flag to flee.

Relationship Red Flag 4: Naysaying

A naysayer can also be thought of as a hater. The hater is someone who will rain on your parade no matter what. That person will shoot down every idea and hope and aspiration you have. “You, write a book, bake a cake, start a company, knit a sweater, host Thanksgiving dinner for the family? Are you nuts?” The naysayer will tell you whatever you’ve accomplished is not much after all. Naysayers can prevent you from achieving your potential by making you doubt yourself every day of every week. Anyone who doesn’t support your goals or attempts to improve yourself and get ahead is a red flag to flee.

Relationship Red Flag 5: Not Taking Responsibility

This can mean so many things. It can mean the other person expects you to pay the check, the rent, do the childcare, have the good job. In other words, it can be the other person’s expectation that you will be the grownup and he or she can be the child in the relationship. If you don’t want to be a parent of an adult, this is a big red flag. Not taking responsibility can mean lack of ambition. It can mean being lazy and not taking care of business. It can mean not saying you’re sorry when you’ve messed up because you don’t think you’ve ever messed up. You don’t think anything is a big deal. When another person makes you feel taken advantage of, you may well be taken advantage of. The person who doesn’t do much is a real big red flag to flee.

Relationship Red Flag 6: Emotional Or Physical Abusing

This is the number 1 red flag and reason to seek help immediately. People may be shocked the first time they experience a loved one’s rage, and they may overlook it as a one-time event that won’t be repeated.Especially if the other person apologizes. Emotional abuse can’t be seen in scars but is just as damaging as physical abuse. Whatever form abuse takes, it always gets worse over time. If someone you love erupts with anger (emotional abuse) or lashes out violently (physical abuse) and makes you feel unsafe for any reason, you need to learn more about how to take care of yourself and escape. Abusive people don’t let go easily so you need guidance and support to get free.

Check out:

National domestic hotline

safe Horizon

Womens law

 

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Four good-for-you foods that are uniquely American

By Ellie Krieger,

Eating locally, seasonably and sustainably — a radical notion just a few decades ago — is now deeply woven into our mainstream definition of healthy. And rightly so. When you eat that way, you are probably getting the freshest possible food, reducing your carbon footprint and enjoying a balanced variety of edibles based on their seasonality.

You are also connecting in a meaningful way to your community and ecosystem. Few appreciate this more than Sean Sherman, founder of the Sioux Chef and co-author of the new cookbook “The Sioux Chef’s Indigenous Kitchen.” His mission is to educate people about indigenous food — the very essence of local, seasonal and sustainable eating — and to help people see the health benefits, taste and abundance of the food that identifies North America. With that in mind, and with the fall harvest in full swing, I decided to highlight a handful of ingredients that are uniquely American — some of the foods that sustained people on these lands for generations and that are still widely available today. Most are familiar ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen, but being aware of their heritage and health benefits can shed new light on them and foster a new level of appreciation and inspiration.

Cranberries

The cranberry we know and love is a unique species indigenous to North America, and its tartness, brilliant hue and nutritional benefits are part of the tapestry of Native American cuisine. Cranberries grow on a low, vining perennial plant in bogs in the cooler areas of the Northern Hemisphere and are harvested in the fall when they are crimson red. They don’t grow underwater, though many people have that impression because water is often used to float the fruit to make it more easily harvested. Besides being turned into sauces and eaten plain, cranberries have been used by indigenous people to make what could be considered the original energy bar — a food called pemmican or wasna that is a mixture of dried meat or fish, berries, rendered fat, and seasonings. The fruit is rich in health-protective antioxidants and a type of polyphenols that may help prevent urinary tract infections. It is also a source of vitamin C, manganese and fiber. There is every reason to branch out from the once-a-year cranberry sauce habit and incorporate this native fruit into a variety of meals and snacks fresh throughout the fall and dried or frozen any time of year.

Maple syrup

The native people of northeastern North America were the first known to tap the maple tree to harvest its sap and produce maple syrup and maple sugar. Other trees, like birch, can also be tapped, but maple yields the most copious and concentrated sap. Maple syrup not only has a distinctive, sweet caramel flavor, but it also provides a small but significant amount of minerals, such as calcium, magnesium and zinc, and is an excellent source of riboflavin and manganese. Still, maple syrup is an added sweetener, and it is expensive, so use it sparingly and as a replacement for more highly refined sugars in cereals, sauces, dressings and baked goods. It also happens to be delicious in coffee.

Wild rice

Wild rice is not technically a true rice; it is the seed of an aquatic grass native to the Americas. It is nutty, chewy and, like all seeds, especially rich in protein and minerals. In his book, Sherman details the sacred nature of wild rice for indigenous people: “It is the one traditional food served at all the important ceremonies, weddings, funerals, and births for many tribes that have harvested it for centuries.” It is traditionally served in a multitude of ways, such as simmering it in soups or brewing it into healing teas. Try it instead of white rice in a chicken-and-rice soup, on its own or mixed with another grain as a base for a grain bowl, or in a pilaf. In fact, a delicious and nourishing pilaf could be made combining all the ingredients mentioned here — wild rice and dried cranberries in a maple-sweetened vinaigrette.

Bison

European settlers of the American West called the large, shaggy bovines that roamed the Great Plains buffalo, and the name stuck. But the animals, which have roamed North America for thousands of years, are bison, distant relatives of the buffalo. Nowadays, you can find the meat sold by either name in grocery stores and on restaurant menus. It has a rich, beefy taste but is very lean, with many cuts having less fat and fewer calories than skinless chicken breast. Because it’s so lean, it’s important not to overcook the steaks — they are ideally served medium-rare — whereas bison stew meat is best cooked low and slow in a braise.

In his book, Sherman quotes Joseph Marshall, Native American poet and historian, saying: “The bison is symbolic of the relationship we have to the earth and to each other. This animal has kept us alive for generations, providing us with food, clothing, medicine and tools.” With that in mind, next time you choose red meat, try bison, perhaps with a side of wild rice pilaf studded with dried cranberries in a maple-sweetened vinaigrette. Not only would it make a tasty, healthful meal, but it would also be an edible connection to the gifts of this land — and a celebration of the culinary culture of its indigenous people.

More from Lifestyle: Concerned about inflammation? These foods may help. Why cooks (and bakers) should give ghee a try. A dietitian’s four favorite foods that are high in good fats. Got 10 minutes? You can do this workout.

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Holiday Family Resentments

Family resentments become more pronounced on the holidays, causing awkwardness and pain to everyone. Avid readers of advice columns know that pretty much everybody has lasting resentments against those they think have wronged them. Some people nurture their family resentments for decades, creating such bad feelings that holidays become times of terrible emotional turmoil and stress. They ask for help to get their loved ones to shape up. Good luck with that.

Who’s Naughty And Who’s Nice

Feelings are powerful. We want to be loved and cherished but often it feels like “others” are getting in the way of our feeling happy and satisfied. “They’re” making “us” unhappy and that breeds rage. And the way we humans keep rage and negative feelings alive is by making lists of all the wrongs done to us, constantly reviewing those lists at every reminder of the offending person(s). And adding new offenses to the list.

Family Resentments Are Weeds We Don’t See

What is our part in the creation and perpetuation of grievances both old ones from childhood and new ones in new relationships just cropping up now? Often we don’t see it, can’t see it and feel even angrier when other try to suggest there may be another point of view or another way to respond, or act. Everyone and anyone can be guilty of faulty self-awareness. But whoever is at fault resentment is like mold: it just keeps growing.

How To Stop It

Breaking that cycle of living with a list of family resentments is incredibly difficult. But  it doesn’t matter whether others have been wrong, or lazy or greedy or hurtful.  The only way to feel better is to dump the family resentment and move on. Do we have control of our own ability to feel better? Yes, we do. Here’s a miracle story that shows how forgetting the list can work when an opportunity knocks.

Miracles Happen

Nell and David, a sister and brother who had been close growing up, hadn’t spoken for 23 years since the death of their father. Their children grew up not knowing each other and both bad-mouthed each other to family members. The animosity between them was so great, lasting and toxic it seemed that nothing could bring them together. But then something surprising changed everything. Sobriety. Nell’s family was already in recovery. And David got sober. David didn’t know that sobriety could fix one of his greatest regrets. But it did. His new sobriety brought out emotions that he hadn’t been able to feel or share, and he was open to taking the chance of trying to make peace with his sister after all those bitter years. When a wedding offered the opportunity for Nel and her children and David and his children to sit together, the family all knew they wanted each other back. David showed courage in saying he missed Nell and was sorry for what happened between them. He did it without knowing if Nell could accept his apology. But she did. The entire family rejoiced. The cousins had a lot to do with it, but the brother and sister had to be willing to listen put their beefs aside and start again. You can’t control other people’s responses, but tearing up your list of family resentments will make you feel better.

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The Co-dependent’s Recipe For Forgiveness

Does the idea of forgiveness leave a bitter taste in your mouth? Mine too. The accountant in wants to reconcile the past while the stress eater in me needs to binge. Here’s the story of how my accounting background helped me make sense of it all.

Back in the day, before I became a co-dependent mom, I was a co-dependent accountant. I just didn’t realize it. Our hospital accounting department was strategically tucked away in a forgotten corner of the basement. The walls, file cabinets, and floor-to-ceiling cubicles were putty gray. My coworkers were quiet and needed to be rescued from tired stereotypes. I was just the person to save them. So I thought.

I brought fun to the office, one birthday card at a time. I planned pot-lucks, retirement dinners, and white elephant gift exchanges. And how did they repay me? By forgetting my birthday! Because I insisted on solving problems they didn’t think they had, my investment in birthday cards and their happiness didn’t yield the return I expected. 

Balance Sheet Basics

Fortunately, my days as an accountant weren’t a total loss. I can apply the concepts I used in preparing balance sheets to the business of forgiving others. Plus, I got an amazing recipe for Bean Counters’ Bean Dip from my co-worker Stephanie.

Assets

Assets are tangible things you have, usually cash, a car, or a house. Unhealthy habits like addictions or my co-dependency almost always cause a significant reduction in assets. In the last ten years, my obsessive need to help others has cost me:

Over $80,000 in cold hard cash
My dignity, peace and happiness
Precious time with my husband and son
My health
Numerous carefree holiday dinners

Liabilities

The Lord’s Prayer relates forgiveness to money, “…forgive us our debts (or transgressions) as we’ve forgiven our debtors.” For years, I operated out of obligation or debt to family and friends, and I didn’t have any time, money, or energy left to continue caring for anyone. Because I was out of emotional assets, I had a death grip on what I had left – liabilities like resentment, fear, and anger. Forgiveness felt like writing a blank check to my offenders so they could repeat the abuse.

The Cost Of Forgiveness

No matter the trauma – child abuse, rape, incest, lies, manipulation, extreme violence, or (fill in the blank with your past demons), well-meaning friends and family often say the cure is to forgive. As if it’s that simple or that forgiveness never occurred to me. I refuse to forgive just because:

It’s “the right thing to do.”
I should.
My preacher, teacher, Mom or Dad told me to.
Oprah said to.
My offender didn’t mean to, was sick, or wasn’t in her right mind…
The Bible says to.
I said some things, then he said some things, then things got out of hand.
She was also abused as a child.
He didn’t know any better.
It only happened one time, and he promised it will never happen again.

Self-Worth

The fundamental accounting equation is: Assets – Liabilities = Net Worth or Owner’s Equity. People pleasing, familial addictions, and co-dependency cost me almost everything. Before I can be in a position to forgive emotional debts, I have to replenish my self-worth. Forgiveness isn’t easy; it isn’t simple; and it isn’t about them.

This series explores the business of forgiveness in a way my analytical mind accept. Forgiveness offers freedom from a haunting past, and that freedom yields happiness and serenity. The next phase of forgiveness examines how to rebuild your emotional assets.

The Bean Counter’s Bean Dip

Ingredients:

1 16 oz. can of Refried Beans
8 oz. sour cream
1 packet of dry Ranch dip
1 cup of salsa
3/4 cup of shredded cheese
1 cup shredded lettuce
2 green onions chopped
1 bag of tortilla chips

This delicious layered dip is best served the day it’s made, so it’s perfect for an office potluck. Your choice of salsa and cheese lets you put your signature stamp on the dish. I prefer mango salsa and pepper jack cheese.

Open the can of refried beans and spread it evenly across a large dinner plate. Next, stir half of the packet of ranch dip into the sour cream. Spread the ranch flavored sour cream on top of the layer of beans. Cover the ranched sour cream with salsa, then sprinkle on the shredded cheese. Top with lettuce and green onions. Serve with tortilla chips.

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Why Your Grumpy Teenager Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

November 15, 2017




Adolescence
By LISA DAMOUR

Most parents have seen their teenager start the day in a reasonably good mood, but then return from school draped in gloom and chilly silence. As hard as it can be to support our children when they tell us what’s wrong, it’s that much harder to help the obviously upset adolescent who turns down a warm invitation to talk.

These interactions usually unfold in an awkward and predictable sequence. We earnestly ask, “Is everything O.K.?” and our teenager responds with a full stop “No,” an insincere “Yeah,” or freezes us out while fielding a flurry of texts. We then tend to nurse a sense of injury that our teenager has rebuffed our loving support.

But when adolescents hold their cards close to their chests, they often have a good reason. To better ease our own minds and be more useful to our teenagers we can consider some of the ordinary, if often overlooked, explanations for their reticence.

They Worry We’ll Have the Wrong Reaction

Our children often know us better than we know ourselves, having spent their young lives learning our reflexive responses. When a teenager feels lousy about bombing a test but knows that you are likely to tell her that she should have studied more, she won’t be eager to talk.

If you suspect this might be a barrier and can listen without getting defensive, just ask, “Are you worried that I’ll have a bad reaction?” You might start a valuable conversation — even if it’s not the one you were looking for — while paving the way to better talks down the line. And we should probably think twice about the long-term implications of saying “I told you so” to our teenagers (even when we did tell them so).

They Anticipate Negative Repercussions

Parents focused on the narrow question of what went wrong can forget that our adolescents, who have more information than we do, are probably thinking about a bigger picture. Impassive silence can hide a teenager’s whirring deliberations: “Will Dad limit my driving privileges if I tell him that I put a ding in the car?” or “If I explain that Nikki had a pregnancy scare, will Mom be weird about it when I want to hang out with her next weekend?”

We can’t always keep ourselves from feeling judgmental about teenagers. And, to be sure, there are adolescents (and adults) who get stuck in worrisome ruts. But as a psychologist, there are two rules I live by: good kids do dumb things, and I never have the whole story.

Recognizing that teenagers (and, again, adults) screw up from time to time can improve communication. On the days when they do feel like sharing, we can alert adolescents to our compassionate and forgiving stance by saying, “I know you’re bummed about the car. How do you want to make this right?” or “That must have been really scary for Nikki. Is she doing O.K.?”

They Know That Parents Sometimes Blab

Teenagers are often justly concerned that we might repeat what they tell us. Sometimes we only realize in retrospect that news we divulged to others felt top-secret to our teenager. And sometimes they tell us critical information — such as word of a suicidal classmate — that must be passed along.

Whether you owe your teenager an apology for past indiscretions or are trying to get ahead of the issue, I think it’s fair and kind to promise adolescents a very high degree of confidentiality at home. Our teenagers deserve to have a place where they can process, or at least dump, delicate details about themselves or the scores of other kids with whom they must find a way to coexist.

Parents, like therapists, can lay out the limits of what we can keep private. Adolescents are usually sensible; they expect adults to act on news that they or a peer might be in immediate danger. But we can help teenagers speak more freely by making it clear that, barring a crisis, we will keep their secrets and offer moral support as they and their friends weather typical adolescent storms, such as painful breakups. And when our teenagers do share critical information about their peers, we can include them in the process of deciding how to pass along what they’ve told us.

Talking Doesn’t Feel Like the Solution

A wise teenager in my practice once said to me, “You know, I’m 90 percent of the way over what happened at school by the time I get home. Rehashing it all for my mom isn’t going to help me get past it.”

Even when we don’t know the source of our child’s turmoil, we should operate from the assumption that our teenager will soon feel better. Of course there are real grounds for concern when adolescents are miserable day after day and cannot bounce back from their emotional downturns. But most of the time psychological well-being is like physical well-being: Healthy people fall ill, but they recover.

We don’t take our adolescents’ viruses personally and we probably shouldn’t take their grumpy moods personally, either. Happily, the support we offer the flu-stricken also works when teenagers come down with grouchy silence. Without delving into what’s wrong, we can ask if there’s anything we can do to help them feel better. Would they like our quiet company or prefer some time alone? Is there a comfort food we can offer or is there something they want to watch on TV?

There’s more value in providing tender, generic support than we might imagine. It is difficult for teenagers to maintain perspective all the time. The speed of adolescent development sometimes makes teenagers lose their emotional footing and worry that they will never feel right again. We send our teenagers a powerful, reassuring message when we accept and are not alarmed by their inscrutable unease: I can bear your distress, and you can, too.

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To Maintain Muscle and Lose Fat as You Age, Add Weights

November 15, 2017




By GRETCHEN REYNOLDS

Trying to stay trim as you age? Surprisingly, if you’re cutting calories to lose weight, adding weights to your weight loss regimen may be more effective than beginning a walking program, according to a new study that adds to growing evidence that weight training is important for vigorous aging.

Successful weight loss is never easy, as most of us know from experience, and becomes more difficult with age. Instead of losing or maintaining weight as we grow older, most of us gain a pound or two each year during middle age.

At the same time, we also often begin naturally to lose some of our muscle mass, so that our bodies wind up increasingly composed of fat.

This change in body composition matters, because fat tissue is less metabolically active than muscle. As the percentage of our body composed of fat tissue rises, our metabolic rates fall and we burn fewer calories throughout the day, predisposing us to continued weight gain.

We also become less strong, of course, as our muscles shrink.

So most experts agree that the ideal weight-loss program for most people would maximize fat loss while sparing muscle mass.

But this balance is difficult to achieve, since, typically, when we drop a pound while dieting, as much as a third of that loss can come from muscle, with the rest composed of fat.

Some past studies have hinted that exercising while cutting calories might help to lessen this muscle loss. But most of those studies have been small and involved relatively young people or only one gender.

For the new study, which was published this month in Obesity, researchers at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, N.C., and other institutions decided to focus on both men and women older than 60. They also set out to enroll African-American as well as the Caucasian participants most earlier studies used.

In the end, they wound up with 249 participants who were overweight or obese and sedentary.

The researchers measured their body compositions and leg-muscle strength and assessed their current diets.

Then they randomly assigned the volunteers to one of three groups. Some began a basic calorie-reduction plan, during which they cut their food intake by an amount expected to help them lose 7 to 10 percent of their body weight over the coming months. For most of them, this meant a reduction of about 300 calories per day.

The members of this group were asked not to exercise.

Another group also cut their calorie intake. But at the same time, they began a supervised aerobic exercise program consisting of walking briskly on a track for 45 minutes four times per week.

The third group likewise reduced calories but also began a weight-training program. Four times a week, they worked with trainers at a gym to complete a full-body resistance training routine using weight machines.

All of the volunteers continued their particular program for 18 months.

By the end of that time, everyone had dropped weight.

But there were notable differences in the amount and type of weight that had been lost in each group.

The men and women in the group that had cut calories but not worked out had lost an average of about 12 pounds each.

Those who had cut calories and walked had dropped far more weight, about 20 pounds each, while those who had dieted and weight trained likewise had lost about 20 pounds per person.

But the weight loss among walkers and weight trainers was qualitatively different, their new body-compositions scans showed. The weight trainers had lost about two pounds of muscle and 18 pounds of fat, while the walkers had dropped about four pounds of muscle and 16 pounds of fat.

The group that had dieted and not exercised had lost about two pounds of muscle.

In effect, the walkers had lost more muscle mass in total and as a percentage of their weight loss than either of the other two groups, including those who had not exercised at all.

That finding surprised the researchers, says Kristen M. Beavers, an assistant professor of health and exercise science at Wake Forest and the study’s lead author.

It would have worried them, too, she says. But subsequent tests of muscular strength showed that, relative to their new, lower body weights, the men and women who had exercised in any way had stronger legs than they had had 18 months before.

Those who had remained sedentary did not have stronger legs.

So although they had dropped some muscle mass, the walkers had gained leg strength. (The researchers did not test upper-body strength.)

But over all, the study’s results imply that walking could have limitations as a weight-loss aid for older dieters, Dr. Beavers says.

“Walking is excellent exercise,” she says. “But it looks as if it might not produce enough of an anabolic signal to really spare muscle mass during weight loss.” In other words, it may not prompt older people’s bodies to hold on to muscle as effectively as weight training seems to do, she says.

Of course, an experiment like this cannot tell us why, at the molecular level, different types of exercise alter the composition of weight loss or whether the results would be the same for younger people or those who were not unfit.

But the results do suggest, Dr. Beavers says, that for healthy weight loss, many of us might consider at least occasionally walking to the gym and, once there, picking up some weights.

The post To Maintain Muscle and Lose Fat as You Age, Add Weights appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Researchers: Cultural factors take backseat in eating disorder treatment

Cultural and social factors that might affect the development of eating disorders are largely ignored in treatment, even when a patient actively seeks to address them, a new research report suggests.

Researchers from the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom say gender issues that could be related to eating disorders have been pushed aside amid an emphasis on evidence-based treatment and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Treating professionals might ignore a patient’s request to talk about gender issues because they lack experience in this area or because they see the topic as relatively unimportant.

“The bottom line is that, although eating disorders are now widely recognized as being shaped by biological, psychological and social factors, the social aspect of the equation is poorly served,” said lead researcher Su Holmes, of the university’s School of Art, Media and American Studies. The paper was published in the journal Eating Disorders.

Holmes and a university occupational therapist developed an inpatient treatment intervention in which female patients with anorexia attended 10 weeks of group sessions examining topics such as gender-related constructions of appetite, cultural expectations surrounding female emotion, and the dynamics of healthy-living standards targeting women. The participating women appreciated the intervention’s examination of broad contexts that shape ideas about gender in society, Science Daily reported.

Holmes emphasizes, however, that gender identity issues in the development of eating disorders are not relegated to women only. “The focus on how eating and body distress may be ued to negotiate dominant ideas about gender and sexuality is similarly applicable to male patients, as well as gender minorities, even whilst the cultural constructions at stake may be different,” she said.

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