Leslie Glass's Blog, page 398
February 7, 2018
When A Loved One Leaves YOU
Why do active and recovering substances users often run away from loved ones trying to “Save” them? The truth is, no one feels good when they feel bullied and managed. Caring doesn’t feel like love when it comes in the form of someone telling you what to do. When a loved one leaves you, find other solutions when what you’re doing doesn’t work.
Professionals Are Trained To Manage Addiction Family Members Are Not
You may be offering solutions with the best of intentions, only to have your at-risk loved one calling you a mean bully (or a lot worse) as he slams the door on his way out. It’s like being left at the altar. Except worse. The bolter feels absolutely justified in taking off. The one left behind is hurt, baffled, and frightened. That would be me in the old days.
This Is A Really Good Time To Examine What’s Really Happening
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking only of what might happen to someone you love:
Will he come back?
Is he lost to you forever?
Can he survive without you?
What if he finds what he’s looking for, and you’re not included?
Doesn’t he love you, doesn’t he care?
These are the questions that could consume you. But, it’s a waste of time. Frankly, right now he or she doesn’t care about you at all. He only cares about what he feels is right for him; she only cares about herself.
So What About You
Getting left by a loved one, either in recovery or still active in addiction, is the perfect time for self-examination. I’m not saying this as someone who has never been fired by a son or daughter. Let’s just say, I’ve experienced the door slammed in my face a bunch of times. I used to think I was dying every time I tried to help and was rebuffed rather graphically. My thoughts ran along these lines:
Oh My God, it’s terrible.
It’s awful.
Ungrateful beasts. Now I know why animals in the wild eat their young.
That was my old reaction. The new one is:
Nice break from the drama.
Either all will be well, or not. I am not the one in charge of the outcome.
This is a more comfortable place for me to reside. I know that More Will Be Revealed. And I’m okay with that.
What Do You Want For Your Life?
So, if you have been yelled at, rebuffed, walked out on by someone who doesn’t like your solutions for their life, then this is the time to relish the moment of quiet and find solutions for your own life.
Breaking up isn’t easy, and counseling can help. Find therapists and counselors who understand the complicated dynamic that addiction brings to the table at Recovery Guidance.
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Med To Treat Alcohol Use Disorder Works, But…
From Science News Daily: Symptoms of alcoholism make it more difficult for some people to regularly take the prescription drug naltrexone, which could help treat their disease, a researcher at Oregon State University has found.
“The assumption is the medication is prescribed, so it’s going to work, but the patient has to take the medication in order for it to work,” Dermody said. “This tells us we need to do more than write a prescription. Having some sort of reoccurring contact with the patient is really important.”
The findings were published today in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine.
Dermody studies risky behaviors such as alcohol and nicotine use with the goal of better understanding factors that contribute to alcohol and nicotine use and how best to intervene with problematic use of these substances.
Naltrexone, which works at the receptor level in the brain to reduce a patient’s desire to drink, is one of just three medications that is approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat alcohol use disorder.
The drug is believed to be effective, but only if it is taken as prescribed. Studies show that adherence to the daily medication regimen is poor. The researchers’ goal with the new study was to better understand medication usage and factors that influence it.
They followed a group of 58 people who were prescribed to take naltrexone daily for eight weeks to either reduce or stop drinking. The researchers also studied the effectiveness of a mobile health intervention designed to help people adhere to the medication. In response to daily text messages, patients reported their previous day’s alcohol use, cravings and any side effects from using naltrexone.
The researchers found that adherence to the drug decreased over time, with a drop from approximately eight in 10 patients taking the medication at week one to approximately four in 10 patients by week eight. On days when participants completed daily text message assessments, their odds of taking the medication increased by more than two-fold compared to days when the assessments were not completed.
They also found that they could predict who would stick with the medication and who wouldn’t, and the factors that influence adherence to the drug included symptoms of the underlying disease. Patients were less likely to take their medication on days they after they drank heavily; on weekends; or when cravings were strong.
“Weekends are a huge part of people’s drinking life. That is often when people drink more heavily and when their cravings are strongest,” Dermody said. “But they also tend not to be taking naltrexone on the days when the medication is particularly needed.”
More research is needed to understand how best to address symptoms that influence medication adherence, Dermody said. Promoting medication adherence after heavy drinking episodes or strong cravings is critical, Dermody said. Ongoing daily contact with the patient could also help.
“We found that some sort of daily contact with the patient is important. It does not have to be human to human,” she said. “It could be a mobile phone app that tracks a patient’s symptoms and tailors feedback to their needs.”
To find an addiction physician near you or learn about alcohol treatment options, visit Recovery Guidance.
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E-cigarette Flavors Found To Be Toxic
From Ana Sandoiu @ Medical News Today: Despite the fact that electronic cigarettes (e-cigarettes) help some people to quit smoking conventional ones, the devices contain many other non-nicotine chemicals, the health effects of which are still being investigated.
Here at Medical News Today, we’ve been trying to keep you updated on all the latest scientific discoveries when it comes to unraveling the complex effects of using e-cigarettes, or “vaping.”
For example, a couple of studies that we reported on suggested that e-cigarettes may have adverse cardiovascular effects, and that they may slow down heart rate.
That said, some of these studies are either observational — and thus unable to explain causality — or performed in mice.
New research, however, takes things to the laboratory. Scientists at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York set out to test the hypothesis that vaping e-cigarettes that do not contain nicotine would be less harmful than conventional cigarettes.
To this end, the researchers — who were led by senior author Dr. Irfan Rahman — focused on “the immuno-toxicological and the oxidative stress effects by these e-cigarette flavoring chemicals on two types of human monocytic cell lines.”
Oxidative stress is a process in which oxygen radicals are produced in excess, resulting in a series of damaging effects, including increased toxicity, damage to our DNA, or even cancer.
Monocytes are a type of white blood cell that play a critical role in our immune response to inflammation. Therefore, the results of the new study are key for our understanding of the relationship between e-cigarettes and our immune system.
Cinnamon, Vanilla, Buttery Flavors The Worst
To assess the flavorings’ potential for causing oxidative stress, the team measured the production of so-called reactive oxygen species (ROS).
“We hypothesized,” the authors write, “that the flavoring chemicals used in e-juices/e-liquids induce an inflammatory response, cellular toxicity, and ROS production.”
As expected, the cytotoxicity tests performed by first author Dr. Thivanka Muthumalage and colleagues revealed that treatment with these chemicals increased inflammation and tissue damage. All of this was done by increasing the levels of oxidative stress.
Also, “Mixing a variety of flavors resulted in greater cytotoxicity and cell-free ROS levels compared to the treatments with individual flavors, suggesting that mixing of multiple flavors of e-liquids are more harmful to the users,” the researchers add.
The authors conclude by saying, “Our data suggest that the flavorings used in e-juices can trigger an inflammatory response in monocytes, mediated by ROS production, providing insights into potential pulmonary toxicity and tissue damage in e-cigarette users.”
“Cinnamon, vanilla, and butter flavoring chemicals were the most toxic, but our research showed that mixing flavors of e-liquids caused by far the most toxicity to white blood cells.”
Dr. Thivanka Muthumalage
Dr. Rahman comments on the significance of these findings, saying, “Currently, [nicotine-free e-cigarettes] are not regulated, and alluring flavor names, such as candy, cake, cinnamon roll, and mystery mix, attract young vapers.”
“Our scientific findings show that e-liquid flavors can, and should, be regulated and that e-juice bottles must have a descriptive listing of all ingredients. We urge regulatory agencies to act to protect public health,” he adds.
Want to find some professional help? Recovery Guidance lists support groups and specialists who can help overcome addictions and help you quit smoking.
The post E-cigarette Flavors Found To Be Toxic appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
February 6, 2018
Fetal Alcohol Disorder May Be More Common Than Previously Thought
The estimate comes from school-based assessments, family interviews and in-person evaluations of 6- and 7-year-olds in four communities across the country: one in the Midwest, one in the Rocky Mountains, one in the Southeast and one in the Pacific Southwest. Previous studies, which have estimated the rate of FASD to affect just 1% of children, involved smaller groups of people from single communities or from people in doctors’ offices, say the authors of the new study.
FASD is an umbrella term for health abnormalities caused by exposure to alcohol in the womb; it includes fetal alcohol syndrome, partial fetal alcohol syndrome and alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder. FASDs are a leading cause of developmental disabilities around the world, and people with these conditions can experience growth deficiencies, facial abnormalities and organ damage. They often have physical, cognitive and social challenges throughout life, and have an increased risk of premature death.
Before the current study began, researchers established standardized classification criteria for FASD based on facial features, growth, and neurodevelopmental performance. Using that criteria, they then screened a random sampling of first-graders in public and private schools in the four chosen regions, and interviewed the children’s mothers and other close relatives.
Based on their findings, the authors determined that FASD affected between 11 and 50 out of every 1,000 children they examined. That translates to between 1.1 and 5%, which they say is a conservative estimate: It assumes that no additional FASD cases would be found in children in those communities that hadn’t participated in the study.
When the researchers used a statistical technique assuming that the rate of FASD in children who were evaluated would be the same in all first-graders in those communities (more than 13,000 children total), the estimated FASD rate was even higher—ranging from 3.1% in the Southeastern group to 9.8% in the Rocky Mountain group.
The study provided additional evidence to suggest that FASD is currently underdiagnosed and underreported, as well: Of the 222 children whom researchers determined had FASD during the study, only two had been previously diagnosed. Many of these children’s parents and guardians were, however, aware of their learning and behavior challenges.
In their paper, the authors write that their prevalence estimates “are consistent with mounting evidence that harmful fetal alcohol exposure is common in the United States today.” To give the numbers some context, they note that autism—another common developmental disorder—is estimated to affect about 1.5% of children, which is comparable to the lower end of their FASD estimate.
The authors also cite a documented increase in alcohol use among women between 2001 and 2013, as well as a 2017 study in which 10% of pregnant women reported drinking alcohol (and 3% reported binge drinking) in the last 30 days.
The study was funded by the National Institutes of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, and the classification criteria was created by the Collaboration on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Prevalence consortium, which studies FASD rates among U.S. school children. The study was co-authored by researchers from the University of California San Diego School of Medicine and the University of North Carolina.
It’s possible that the study’s estimates for alcohol-related neurodevelopmental problems were overestimated, the authors say, since there is no definitive biomarker for fetal alcohol exposure and no sure way to know that the developmental delays observed in the children were caused by their mothers’ drinking while pregnant.
And because the children in the study were from four specific geographic regions, the findings may not be generalizable to all communities in the United States. But the regions were chosen to make this study more nationally representative than previous ones, the authors say, and they believe their findings are likely to be more accurate, as well.
In an adjoining editorial, researchers from the University of Toronto write that the study’s conclusion—that FASD “is not a rare condition among the general U.S. population”—has substantial implications for both doctors and researchers. It not only suggests that many cases are missed or misdiagnosed, they say, but that additional support should be made available for those affected. More research and improved prevention programs are also needed, they add.
“The high prevalence of fetal alcohol spectrum disorders in the United States suggests better education of girls and women of childbearing age about the detrimental consequences of alcohol use during pregnancy on the fetus is needed,” the editorial states. “As suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the message about alcohol use during pregnancy to the public should be clear and consistent: there is no safe amount, time, or type of alcohol to drink during pregnancy or when trying to get pregnant.”
To quit drinking cold turkey can be very dangerous, sometimes even fatal. Find professionals who can safely help you quit at Recovery Guidance.
The post Fetal Alcohol Disorder May Be More Common Than Previously Thought appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Teens Invent App To Help Other Teens Who Are NotOK
From Alex Yarde @ The Good Men Project: If one button could change everything, save a life or help a teen, wouldn’t you tell everyone about it? Georgia-based teen entrepreneurs Hannah and Charlie Lucas launch notOK App
, a digital panic button to get immediate support from a trusted group of pre-selected people. notOK launched Wednesday, January 31, 2018 in the United States and Canada in honor of #LetsTalkDay, a day to bring awareness to mental health conversations.
The notOK App was created as a solution. After developing POTS last year, a condition that caused then 15-year-old Hannah Lucas to faint, she was terrified of being alone. Her fears quickly spiraled into anxiety and deep depression, which led to self-harm. During one of Hannah’s lowest moments, alone in her room and contemplating self-harm, she thought, “What if there was a button I could press and someone would immediately know I was not okay?” that was the birth of notOK App.
This app makes asking for help when you’re feeling vulnerable as simple as pressing a button. To use notOK, simply open the app, tap the notOK Button and a text message will be sent to up to 5 pre-selected contacts that reads: “Hey, I’m not OK. Please call me, text me, or come find me,” along with a link to your current GPS location. Help is only a tap away.
In times of need, it can feel insurmountable to even compose a text message or place a phone call to get the support you need, tapping a button makes reaching out less of an obstacle. Whether you’re a teen or an adult suffering from loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, suicidal thoughts, or anything else, immediate help is only the tap of a button away. The notOK is available in iOS and Android versions, or on the notOK website.
About the Founders:
notOK founders Hannah & Charlie Lucas
After developing POTS, a condition that causes her to faint, then 15-year-old Hannah Lucas, was terrified of being alone. What would happen to her if she fainted and no one was around? Hannah’s fears quickly spiraled into anxiety and deep depression, which led to self-harm. By the end of her freshman year of high school, she missed 196 classes due to her condition. It was during one of Hannah’s lowest moments, alone in her room and contemplating self-harm, when the idea for the notOK App was born. What if there was a button she could press and someone would immediately know she was not okay? When her condition stabilized, Hannah was able to take coding and entrepreneurship classes at local colleges, which empowered her to see her vision through.
Watching his older sister suffer from a disorder made Charlie Lucas feel utterly helpless. He couldn’t drive her to doctor appointments. He couldn’t make her better. He couldn’t even catch her when she fainted. But Charlie knew he could step in to help his sister when she told him about an idea for an app she’d had. With the family nickname, “Tech Support,” Charlie went to work. He wire-framed the app’s basic premise and figured out the best workflow. He even built Hannah a website and created their first logo. Charlie is responsible for any updates, design ideas, and developer approvals. He’s already began initial planning for their next app.
If you aren’t ok, also reach out for professional help. Therapists and counselors near you are listed on Recovery Guidance.
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Teens: No One Deserves An Abusive Relationship
From Leonor Vivanco-Prengaman @ The Chicago Tribune: When high school senior Emily Graham found out how common teen dating violence is among her peers, she got angry. “How can we let this keep going on without doing something to stop it?” said Graham, a senior at Riverside Brookfield High School.
Graham, along with hundreds of Chicago-area high school soccer players, filmed public service announcements that will be shared on social media channels throughout February, which is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The PSAs, which will be shown on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, highlight the problem and offer resources to break the cycle of abuse.
“It lets people know we’re not going to judge you and we’ll be here for you. We want you to be happy and safe, and no one deserves to be in an abusive relationship,” Graham said.
A study published in 2015 in JAMA Pediatrics analyzed responses from a 2013 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey of high school students who dated and found 1 in 5 female students and 1 in 10 male students experienced some form of teen dating violence during the past 12 months.
Dating violence can be physical, psychological or sexual and occur in person or electronically. It can lead to serious, long-lasting effects, including making youth more likely to develop depression and anxiety, engage in unhealthy behaviors or exhibit antisocial behaviors and think about suicide, according to the CDC.
The students featured in the PSAs said they hope the project is a conversation starter.
“A lot of these topics are pushed behind the curtain or stay behind the curtain because they’re touchy subjects to talk about. Our goal is to have everyone talk about this more,” said Dominic Wistocki, a senior at Lockport Township High School. “The more people talk about it, the more people know about it.”
In addition to the social media videos, students from Chicago-area high schools on Friday plan to drop off a $1,000 check and donated items to Between Friends, a Chicago-based social service agency that provides free counseling and a crisis hotline for domestic violence victims.
The outreach is part of the “Making a Difference On AND Off the Field” community service campaign presented by Buddy’s Helpers, the charitable arm of the PepsiCo Showdown, an annual high school soccer tournament in which more than 200 schools participate.
Between Friends implemented its teen dating violence prevention program in 1995, working with schools in the Chicago area to help middle and high school students identify warning signs and build conflict resolution and communication skills.
“Talking about teen dating violence prevention is so important because we want kids to know what to look for and have an understanding of how to build healthy relationships,” said Colleen Norton, the nonprofit’s director of programs.
Just like the #MeToo and the #Time’sUp movements, talking about teen dating violence and raising awareness through social media can help show how prevalent the problem is and that those experiencing it are not alone, she said. “The more the youth can talk about it, the more we can get them up there to say this is not OK, the better,” Norton said.
Because youth tend to seek support from their peers, seeing and hearing teens talk about dating violence might encourage someone to reach out for help.
“The biggest turning point for any survivor is the time they reached out and finally told somebody about something that happened to them. The PSAs might be that time,” Norton said.
Graham said dating violence was addressed in her sophomore health class, but she would like to see the topic of healthy relationships revisited more often in school.
“If you have constant assurance of what is proper and right, you feel more comfortable and know what should be happening,” she said.
Have you or are you in an abusive relationship? Therapists and counselors near you are listed on Recovery Guidance.
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Ghosting and Gaslighting Revisited
Ghosting makes you disappear. Gaslighting drives you crazy. There are no rules on how to behave these days. That’s the reason our two articles What is Gaslighting and Ghosting, Why It Hurts have provoked such powerful responses.
The term gaslighting, of course, comes from a mid century movie in which a husband tried to kill his wife by altering her reality and making her think she was crazy.
Many readers didn’t have a word for what they know a loved one is doing to make them feel crazy and confused. It turns out thousands of people experience this on a daily basis from spouses, parents, siblings, children, cousins, friends. Who knew this was so prevalent. Both men and women have gaslighting done to them, and everyone is confused by it. Loving and healthy people don’t lie and try to hurt you. Why would a loved one do it? (This is a mental health question. People with personality disorders do it.) Having a name for a behavior that really hurts you helps to explain it. It also helps you to decide what to do about it. Being gaslighted makes you want to tear your hair out, and that is the intention. People do it to control you. Do you want to be controlled?
If You Resist Gaslighting, You May Get Ghosted
Ghosting is a term that means someone has cut you off and cut you out. It includes de-friending on social media, not returning phone calls, and basically acting as if the ghoster never knew you. Ghosting in dating leaves the ghosted one wondering what happened. In friendship, the same. Why would someone just disappear you with no explanation? Why not be honest and say the relationship isn’t working out. If it’s an adult child who ghosts a parent, being disappeared as if the parent never existed is painful beyond belief. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, except accept it and move on. On the positive side, ghosting sets you free from someone who doesn’t care about you. That’s a good thing.
Escape From Toxic Relationships
Ghosting also occurs when someone needs to get away from an abusive or dangerous person. Moving, changing numbers, blocking phone calls are all totally necessary for survival. But that is not really ghosting. One reader said there should be two terms for ending relationships, and we agree. Clarity here would help. Cutting someone out and disappearing for survival is not ghosting. There’s nothing wrong or pejorative about getting away. It’s a form of empowerment, healing, moving on. No explanations to the dangerous or toxic person are necessary. In fact, the less said the better.
Why Not Be Honest
Many of our readers wrote that they ghosted people all the time. Maybe all of us have done it at one time or another. I know I have, but not intentionally. Is it laziness, busy life? I know that I get so many emails every day, I can’t remember to do everything I should to be thoughtful and kind. I simply can’t remember everything and everybody. If we were all Taylor Swift, the world would be a nicer place. But if a relationship isn’t working out with someone you once cared about, it would be nice if an explanation were offered. A lot of our readers think so. Others shrug and move on. We’re all different. No one answer is the right one.
What is Etiquette
There used to be a thing called etiquette. Everybody learned it. How many people these days know how to spell etiquette, or much less know what the word means. My grandmother had a strong set of rules on how to behave in every situation. Basically they revolved around the idea of “the other fellow first.” Be kind. Don’t think of yourself. Be compassionate. Say nice things. Don’t backbite, complain, or gossip. Always pitch in and help, give to charity, care about others. Don’t talk about it when you’re hurting. No one wants to hear your problems. Those philosophies make it nice for everyone around you, but are not ideal for developing a strong sense of self, fairness, and confidence in you. Those rules had no place for one’s own feelings, and did not acknowledge the complicated reality of other people’s mental health and how it affects you. You might be following the rules while others around you without good intentions could well be taking advantage of it. Think Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf. And if the wolf is a substances user, it gets even more treacherous.
Self Awareness Is The Key To Better Relationships
Who are you? What do you want for yourself? What can you tolerate from people around you? What behaviors are absolute no-nos? Understanding these things can help you navigate what has become a much trickier world without rules to keep you safe.
If you need help with relationships or addiction, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resources to find professional help near you.
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Finding A Love That Gives Me Freedom
In the past, as soon as a guy I was dating said, “I love you” I was outta there! My arm would instinctively outstretch and I would begin to detach from the possibility of a relationship because I was so certain that I would have to sacrifice my independence for it. My life was less about having it all and more about having freedom to choose.
I set the intention of having an “adventure” today and got more than I bargained for. I left the salon with my pretty negligee-pink manicure and set off to the market. Just ahead, a buck crossed the road. I slowed to a crawl in case an accomplice from his bachelor band was waiting in the wings. Peering to my left and into the thick mass of trees, and seeing no outline of another; I sped up just in time to see him in my path and darting back across the street as if he had suddenly forgotten his cell phone… his velveteen antlers distracted me from the impact of the car and his left hock. He lost his footing briefly before steadying himself and bounding off into the thicket of trees. A blessing: he appeared not to be fatally wounded!
I directed my car to the shoulder and got out to inspect it … there was damage to her hood and grille and the driver side headlight was smashed; little bits of hair and skin left behind as a reminder of our interaction. Turning on the flashers I set to the task of reporting the accident, arranging for a tow and contacting my insurance carrier. Then I texted my best friend and my boyfriend.
How My Friend Showed Love
She was quick to offer condolences and total support, “Oh no! Do you need a ride? Are you ok?” was followed by “That truly sucks. I’m sorry that happened for you.” In typical best-friend fashion, what can I do for you? and too bad that happened was her message.
How My Boyfriend Showed Love
His text was short and sweet, in eight words and the space he left me afterwards, he conveyed concern and support in a way that was calming and certain that I could handle whatever came next. “Oh crap not good. I’m glad you’re ok” was followed by …. nothing. It was in his absence of trying to fix it for me that he provided me with the space to handle it for myself. He didn’t direct me, tell me what to do, or otherwise suggest that I couldn’t handle it on my own. No lengthy speech, no making sure of, no doing for, no don’t forget to, no hand holding and certainly no coming to the rescue. And to think that I stopped myself from being in a relationship because I saw it as a threat to my independence and my freedom!
The Love I Really Needed
It wasn’t until I was able to discover the pattern, that I was also able to let it go and create the space I needed for the relationship I really wanted. A relationship where I am free to be myself, independent and strong and emotionally supported by a partner who is my equal. Who knew that I didn’t need to betray my resiliency and hide my inner strength for the sake of a relationship? Did I really find a guy who wasn’t looking for a damsel in distress to save? Deep down, I knew. I knew that trading things that I wanted for other things that I wanted wasn’t the way I wanted to live. So, I stopped trading and started living. I stopped giving myself permission to settle for and started exploring the possibilities of … and even in the aftermath of a collision, I am grateful for my path.
Having trouble with relationships or mental health issues? Visit Recovery Guidance to view professional resources in your area.
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3 Ways To Start Recovering From Compulsive Spending
If you are a compulsive spender, you know the highs and lows that accompany the 5 phases of spending: anticipation, preparation, shopping, spending, remorse. You also know which phases are the most fun, and which produce the stomach dropping plunge to the pits when payment is due. You love getting things; you spend hours and hours and devote much of your creative energy to your acquisitions. And it’s only getting worse. What can you do?
Why You Need Help To Stop
The reward system of the brain is triggered the same way as substance use disorders and process disorders (also called process addictions) such as sexual addictions, workaholism, exercise addiction, and food disorders. A process addiction doesn’t get better on its own, just as diabetes, heart disease, and cancer and not be ignored and expected to manage themselves.
3 Steps To Start Your Recovery
Ditch the denial and start telling the truth. First be honest with yourself, then talk to loved ones about the problem. They already know. They may already have been hurt. They will welcome solutions.
Get some good information about compulsive spending recovery and shopping and share it with your family. No one heals from an addiction alone
Develop a plan-of-action choosing what you need from the tools below
Your Support Team
Get a financial adviser to make a plant to get out of debt
Seek individual and group therapy as well as family therapy. Cognitive (thought) behavioral (action) therapy is especially useful as it can teach you how to resist urges to spend, or utilize process therapy to delve into your issues at a deeper level. An addiction therapist can focus on your treatment and recovery as well as other mental health or addictive issues.
Seek inpatient treatment if needed.
Seek psychiatric help as there may be medications (such as antidepressants) that can help with the impulsivity.
Talk to your spiritual/religious mentor..
Join the free 12 programs, Spenders Anonymous or Debtors Anonymous. These groups are based on the same 12 Steps as AA and NA for substance use disorders. Besides the actual 12 steps, both groups have excellent resources regarding how to cope with compulsive spending or the debt you have incurred due to the spending.
Get a sponsor, someone who has the same problems but who has been free of the behavior and who has been working the steps. Utilizing the steps can help you or your loved one to get honest, make amends for your behavior, and go beyond the addiction into recovery.
Strategies To Use Every Day
Examine needs vs. wants and shop only for needs. All right, this isn’t easy. You think you need everything.
Use healthy coping skills such as: exercise; do creative activities, especially ones that involve your hands; think about other things; read; journal; meditate, attend book clubs or spiritual meetings; talk to others who understand your addiction; focus on gratitude for what you have; and continue to develop and utilize healthy leisure time.
Practice mindfulness; this can help you to learn how to shop mindfully (you may need to work with a professional regarding this)
Have someone else do the shopping for you or not going shopping alone and shopping with someone who doesn’t have a problem
Develop a shopping list with non-addicts and only buy what’s on the list
When shopping leave credit/debit cards and large amounts of cash at home (only take what you need per the shopping list);
Destroy all credit/debit cards except for one for emergencies.
Never shop when you are angry, sad, depressed, or feeling other feelings which may trigger your compulsion; never shop at stores where you typically overspend
Walk away from an impulse to spend – give yourself time to think about it.
Stay off the internet and TV home-shopping networks.
Don’t shop during holiday “bargains” or other store bargain times; and avoid discount shops, especially ones where you buy in bulk.
Compulsive spending is an addictive process, but one that can be overcome with a healthy recovery plan. And while it is difficult to stop all shopping and spending (unlike drugs and alcohol where the goal is total abstinence), it can be managed. And with such management, you can become healthier in all areas of your life.
You don’t have to go it alone. If you need help with your spending or any other addiction, check out Recovery Guidance for a free and safe resource to find addiction and mental health professionals near you.
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Life After Addiction Takes A Loved One
This Month marks the 6th anniversary of my husband’s unexpected death from the disease of alcoholism. I’ve always dreaded this month. It would stir up all the deeply painful memories of my husband’s long decent into the stages of addiction. Addiction doesn’t happen overnight for anyone. It takes time. It’s terrible for years, and then finally, as happens with many untreated addictions, my husband passed away alone. Each year after his death, the sorrow would surface for me differently, but remembering was always painful:
Some years all I could do was weep. I had a husband, now I do not. Poor me
Some years I felt nothing. His death left a deep pit of emptiness that couldn’t be filled. I was sad for him, and I didn’t know how to feel okay myself again
Sometimes I just felt angry. With other diseases, spouses can fight together and have the respect of the community. With alcoholism, the fight was my own, and there were no loving goodbyes
Accepting The Addiction
Each year I would struggle to accept all that had happened to my family. My children were left without a father. Each of the five precious beings we brought into the world has suffered lasting wounds that continue to make all their lives difficult in many ways.
This year for the first time, however, I am feeling better. It took a lot of work to have perspective, but now my emotions aren’t so raw. I don’t dread “the day.” It has become a simply a day of remembrance for what “was” instead of “what could have been.”
For many people in recovery the death of an addicted family member brings with it a certain sense of gratitude. I was thankful my husband would no longer have to suffer from an invisible enemy robbing him of his family, his health, his mind, and his serenity. It was tragic and agonizing to witness this once smart, funny man become a victim of a terrible disease he could not reverse. It is important right here to say that millions of people do recover from their addictions and go on to repair their relationships and have productive lives. There is hope. Sadly, my husband was not one of the lucky ones. In the end he couldn’t even write his name clearly and often forgot what he was saying. I had to accept that he was not one of the survivors. But I had to be a survivor. I had to do the work to make my life what I wanted it to be. I had that choice, and I made it.
Surrendering To Addiction
People who haven’t found recovery may have trouble understanding how I can be grateful, but I am. I loved my husband, but hated the disease as much as anyone can hate anything. In the end I knew I couldn’t defeat its power. For my recovery and survival, I had to understand three important things.
I didn’t cause his addiction
I couldn’t cure his addiction
Nor Could I control his addiction
That’s a hard thing for any loved one to accept and internalize as the ultimate reality. We want to help, but we can’t. Our surrender to that reality is a way of letting the anguish go. In this war surrender is the only way to be victorious. Surrender gave me the courage to change the things I could, and I have been successful changing many things.
A Grateful Life In Spite Of Addiction
While the disease may have taken my husband and father of my children, it didn’t take me. I found recovery in Al-Anon; I have slowly healed from the effects of the disease. For me it does seem easier to face this Anniversary month. I can breathe and accept what happened on the day he died. This wasn’t the ending my husband or I wanted. It just was what it was.The best I can do is to live a grateful, happy life to show my children there is a good life waiting just around the corner.
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