Finding A Love That Gives Me Freedom
In the past, as soon as a guy I was dating said, “I love you” I was outta there! My arm would instinctively outstretch and I would begin to detach from the possibility of a relationship because I was so certain that I would have to sacrifice my independence for it. My life was less about having it all and more about having freedom to choose.
I set the intention of having an “adventure” today and got more than I bargained for. I left the salon with my pretty negligee-pink manicure and set off to the market. Just ahead, a buck crossed the road. I slowed to a crawl in case an accomplice from his bachelor band was waiting in the wings. Peering to my left and into the thick mass of trees, and seeing no outline of another; I sped up just in time to see him in my path and darting back across the street as if he had suddenly forgotten his cell phone… his velveteen antlers distracted me from the impact of the car and his left hock. He lost his footing briefly before steadying himself and bounding off into the thicket of trees. A blessing: he appeared not to be fatally wounded!
I directed my car to the shoulder and got out to inspect it … there was damage to her hood and grille and the driver side headlight was smashed; little bits of hair and skin left behind as a reminder of our interaction. Turning on the flashers I set to the task of reporting the accident, arranging for a tow and contacting my insurance carrier. Then I texted my best friend and my boyfriend.
How My Friend Showed Love
She was quick to offer condolences and total support, “Oh no! Do you need a ride? Are you ok?” was followed by “That truly sucks. I’m sorry that happened for you.” In typical best-friend fashion, what can I do for you? and too bad that happened was her message.
How My Boyfriend Showed Love
His text was short and sweet, in eight words and the space he left me afterwards, he conveyed concern and support in a way that was calming and certain that I could handle whatever came next. “Oh crap not good. I’m glad you’re ok” was followed by …. nothing. It was in his absence of trying to fix it for me that he provided me with the space to handle it for myself. He didn’t direct me, tell me what to do, or otherwise suggest that I couldn’t handle it on my own. No lengthy speech, no making sure of, no doing for, no don’t forget to, no hand holding and certainly no coming to the rescue. And to think that I stopped myself from being in a relationship because I saw it as a threat to my independence and my freedom!
The Love I Really Needed
It wasn’t until I was able to discover the pattern, that I was also able to let it go and create the space I needed for the relationship I really wanted. A relationship where I am free to be myself, independent and strong and emotionally supported by a partner who is my equal. Who knew that I didn’t need to betray my resiliency and hide my inner strength for the sake of a relationship? Did I really find a guy who wasn’t looking for a damsel in distress to save? Deep down, I knew. I knew that trading things that I wanted for other things that I wanted wasn’t the way I wanted to live. So, I stopped trading and started living. I stopped giving myself permission to settle for and started exploring the possibilities of … and even in the aftermath of a collision, I am grateful for my path.
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