Leslie Glass's Blog, page 385
March 19, 2018
Healthy Detachment: Melody Beattie Says Do It With Love
Healthy detachment? It sounds like a recipe for the impossible. We often hear that we need to detach from a dysfunctional family system. But how do you detach from perhaps the only family you’ve ever known? Or loved ones you can’t imagine living without? How do you detach when you’re afraid not being there could mean life or death for a child, a spouse, a friend? And In other words, how healthy can detachment be?
Melody Beattie, author of the bestseller, Codependency No More, states that: “Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help.” Beattie describes detachment this way.
“’Present moment living’ – living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day.”
20 Ways Of Detaching With Love
Stop denying the obvious and accept reality. Look around and see what is really happening.
Let go of others’ problems – it is theirs to deal with.
Make decisions instead of suffering with inaction. We will make good decisions and bad ones, but at least making a decision leads to action.
Get out of chaos. This may even mean leaving the home if necessary.
Explore our own addictive processes (including our codependency). Read, got to meetings, use a sponsor, get online, etc., to understand the addictive process.
Stop worrying about things we cannot control. Focus on the Serenity Prayer, examine if we are attempting to control people and situations, and let go.
Stop controlling. Take this next step in letting go of controlling.
Let go of toxic shame: Read our work on shame as well as others’ work and recognize that we are wonderful human beings.
Feel our feelings and accept them. Feelings aren’t facts and they are neither good nor bad.
Utilize a combination of feelings and thoughts to help heal. This is taking responsibility for ourselves.
Act out of power instead of react out of emotions. If we react to others, we give them power while acting of our own will gives us power.
Trust ourselves and the decisions we make. We need to relearn/learn how to trust our own being.
Let go of caretaking others (enabling). Enabling comes when we are angry and resentful about our caretaking of others and neglecting ourselves.
Focus on depending on ourselves. Remember we are able to take care of our responsibilities.
Let go of attachment to people, places, and things. When we are attached, we are overruled by such attachment as they control us.
Focus on today. We were given 24 hours and we utilize this time today.
Set healthy goals for today and the future but don’t live in fantasy about the future. Goals can help keep us focused.
Find family and friends who support us in our positive changes: We all need support from others – ask.
Attend 12-step meetings such as Al-Anon or Codependency Anonymous. Get a sponsor. Again, this is getting help from others and from the program.
Get help by seeing a therapist specializing in addictions and codependency. We may need more help than what we can get from meetings and a sponsor.
Beattie tells us that “Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to, and totally unaffected by people and problems; a Pollyanna-like ignorant bliss; a shirking of our true responsibilities to ourselves and others; a severing of our relationships. Nor is it a removal of our love and concern, although sometimes these ways of detaching might be the best we can do, for the moment.” Detachment is about love – love of self and love of others and a significant way to get healthy.
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Resilient Turpin Kids Want To Be Known As Survivors Not Victims
Lawyer Jack Osborn told ABC News exclusively the seven oldest Turpin siblings were released on Thursday and quietly transported to their new home, where they will be reunited with their family dog and able to make decisions for themselves. They will each have their own rooms with their own closets.
The adult children, ABC News reports, were taken by Osborn to their new home. The location of the home is being kept secret.
“The adult siblings want to be known as survivors, not victims,” Osborn told ABC News. Many locals who have been following the case have taken to affectionately calling the Turpin children “The Magnificent 13.”
He said the siblings are excited to move on from the past and make their own way in the world.
“They’re joyful, warm, considerate,” Osborn told ABC News. “It’s not all about them. They want to hear what’s going on with you and me and my family,” he said. “It’s just really fun. It’s fun to be around them. Of course, they’re really full of joy about their life and the things they get to experience right now.”
Much of their first day outside of the Corona Regional Medical Center was spent outdoors, Osborn said. The siblings picked citrus and later, made themselves Mexican food and ice cream sundaes, which the lawyer told ABC News were all firsts for them.
Osborn said that his clients are receiving occupational, physical, and psychological therapy and catching up on all the movies they’ve missed over the years. He said they love the Star Wars films.
Osborn told ABC News none of the adult siblings have ever driven a car, though they’ve all been of legal driving age for some time. He added that the boys are excited at the prospect of operating a car. He also said the siblings are unaware of how much media attention their case has attracted.
Osborn said the Turpin children want to lead normal lives and are interested in pursuing careers.
“Some asked whether they could be nurses without having to give injections or seeing much blood,” he said, adding his clients “want to be independent” and “want to do things for themselves and they want to start having independent lives where they’re responsible for themselves. That’s the goal and that’s what everyone is working toward.”
Mother Has No Remorse
David, 57, and Louise Turpin, 49, face numerous criminal charges in the alleged abuse of their 13 children, who ranged in age from 2 to 29 at the time of the parents’ arrest. The charges include torture, false imprisonment and abuse. Only the youngest child appears to have been somewhat spared from the alleged abuse, according to prosecutors.
Authorities entered the house to find an allegedly horrendous scene of malnutrition and squalor, with some of the children shackled to their beds. Prosecutors allege the Turpins denied their children food — while eating healthy amounts themselves — and only allowed them to take one shower a year.
The Turpins were arrested after their 17-year-old daughter escaped from their Perris, California, house on Jan. 14. The teen dialed 911 using a disconnected cell phone, and allegedly told authorities she and her 12 siblings were being abused by their parents.
The Turpins are currently being held on a $9 million bond each and face life in prison if convicted of the crimes against their children. They have pleaded not guilty to all the charges. Relatives allege David understands the seriousness of the allegations but that Louise seems in denial, showing zero remorse.
If you need help with addiction or mental health, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to locate professionals near you.
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Art Helps Heal Social Anxiety
From Michelle Ward Trainor March @ People: To help heal her social anxiety, photographer Monica Lazar did something she never expected – she put herself front and center.
The Bucharest, Romania-based Lazar, created a series of self-portraits as a way to channel the crippling condition she had dealt with since childhood.
“As a kid, I chose to play alone rather than spend time with other children. I was always very self-conscious, permanently asking myself what others think about me,” Lazar, 31, tells PEOPLE. “I knew I was clever. I knew my abilities were interesting, still, I never felt like it was enough to have the courage to make my voice worth listening.”
Lazar said her anxiety only worsened as an adult, explaining that she “lost many opportunities” because of it. Then at age, 25, she discovered photography, and began taking portraits, which would lead to a life-changing moment.
“One day I found a beautiful vintage dress in a second-hand shop. The next day I was supposed to travel to a place with beautiful landscapes, and it would have been a great opportunity to shoot some portraits. I had no one else to use as a model, so I decided to get dressed and to put myself in front of the camera,” she says. “That felt really difficult, but the need to create something was more powerful than my fear…self-portraiture became both an exercise of creativity and an exercise of self-exposure.”
Lazar, who also holds a degree in Psychology and Neurobiology, has since decided to channel her anxiety into her work, which includes ethereal images of herself out in nature.
“Every image is an emotion I experienced, a wish, or a fear I’m dealing with,” she explains. “Self-portraits became that other dimension I can live in. The purpose of my pictures is not to illustrate what anxiety looks and feels like. There is nothing surreal and magic in anxiety. They are more a representation of what I wish to be one day, brave, free, peaceful.”
And, says Lazar, the experience – and encouragement – has been uplifting.
“Self-portraiture is a form of exposing myself to what I fear the most, interacting with people,” Lazar says. “I consider myself lucky to have received amazing positive reactions to my work. I don’t know how this exercise would have ended if the feedback was negative.”
As for her message, it’s all about courage. She says: “The courage to make something beautiful out of something painful. The courage to show what is inside of every one of us. The courage to let others know that we are vulnerable. I wish that my work reminds others that we can never know for sure what’s behind what we see. This is exactly why we should be kind and compassionate.”
Recovery Guidance lists the full spectrum of mental health and addiction providers near you who can help treat anxiety and depression.
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The Freedom To Say No
What happened to the freedom to say no? No one these days answers the question, “How do you live your life?” with the answer “I’m afraid to say no.” But so many of us live in this space of answering yes to every demand and request with alarming tenacity.
No Freedom To Say No
How many of us tend to take on tasks even when our plates are overflowing; and then complain we are overwhelmed and have too much to do? Couple this with an inability to ask for what we want, and we have the perfect storm: stress and anxiety swirling with great force in every area of our lives.
It seems that we don’t merely invite stress and anxiety; we require them as our constant companions. How many people long for a vacation, staycation, or just a moment to ourselves so we can breathe? Everybody. But most of us bristle at the suggestion that we are the ones creating our own stress.
Imagining Negative Consequences Of Saying No
It all stems from what we think will happen. We believe we can’t say no to our bosses, spouses, children, family, friends and even our pets. If we say no to them, we’re afraid of what will happen to them, or how they will feel, or even what they will do to retaliate when we want something. This fear of the consequences of no means we stay stuck in a pattern which lacks self-advocacy and freedom. We fail to stand up for ourselves in a meaningful way that could result in a positive change in our relationships and our lives. This dynamic of always saying yes, and never asking for what we want keeps us stuck in the status quo.
Having Expectations Of Disappointment
After all, we already know what’s going to happen if we ask for, say, a raise…right? (Add excuse here.) We already know the answer will be no before we ask the question – so what’s the point in asking? The same goes for family members who are always demanding things from us but never returning any favors. Thought patterns such as these are what keep us firmly planted wherever we are. The truth is, the answer will always be no to our needs unless we ask, and not the other way around.
In fact, many times people feel they don’t have to have an actual conversation with someone from who they want help because they’ve played out the scenario in their heads and believe they know the answer will not be a good one. The outcome contrived is always the one that keeps us stuck in the not asking. We live our lives believing that we know all the answers, so we never ask the questions!
The Freedom To Say No…And To Ask For What We Want
Imagine how freeing it would be if we could let go of what we think is going to happen. If we could stop projecting our negativity on every situation, we could have the freedom to say no and the ability to ask for what we need. No doesn’t mean any of the myriad of connotations that we attach to it, and asking for what we want is a good way to get some yeses. But if someone does say no to us, that also is part of life. No is just no. We all have to learn to live with it.
If you need help saying no to loved ones because of substances, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to find professionals near you.
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March 18, 2018
Marijuana Vs. Alcohol: Which Is Worse?
From Honor Whiteman @ Medical News Today: With marijuana legalization on the rise, an increasing number of studies are exploring the drug’s potential harms and benefits. However, a new study suggests that when it comes to brain health, alcohol is more damaging.
Researchers say that alcohol causes more damage to the brain than marijuana does. Scientists at the University of Colorado Boulder conducted a review of existing imaging data that looked at the effects of alcohol and marijuana, or cannabis, on the brain.
Their findings linked alcohol consumption with long-term changes to the structure of white matter and gray matter in the brain. The use of marijuana, however, seemed to have no significant long-term effects on brain structure.
Study leader Rachel Thayer, of the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of Colorado Boulder, and colleagues recently reported their results in the journal Addiction.
It is estimated that around 22.2 million people in the United States have used marijuana in the past month, making it “the most commonly used illicit drug” in the country.
Across the U.S., however, it is increasingly becoming legalized for both medicinal and recreational purposes. As a result of this changing legislation, researchers have been trying to find out more about how marijuana may benefit health, as well as the damage that it could cause.
Last year, for example, Medical News Today reported on a study linking marijuana use to a greater risk of psychosis in teenagers, while another study claimed that the drug is “worse than cigarettes” for cardiovascular health.
On the other side of the coin, researchers have found that cannabinoids — which are the active compounds in marijuana — could help to prevent migraine, and a more recent study linked marijuana use to an increased sex drive.
Marijuana vs. Alcohol: Which Is Worse?
For this latest study, Thayer and colleagues sought to learn more about how marijuana use affects the brain. Study co-author Kent Hutchison, also of the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience, notes that to date, studies that have investigated this association have produced mixed results.
“When you look at these studies going back years,” he explains, “you see that one study will report that marijuana use is related to a reduction in the volume of the hippocampus. The next study then comes around, and they say that marijuana use is related to changes in the cerebellum […].”
“The point is that there’s no consistency across all of these studies in terms of the actual brain structures.”
With the aim of closing the gap on this inconsistency, the researchers conducted a new analysis on existing brain imaging data. They looked at how marijuana use affects white matter and gray matter in the brain, and how its effects compare with another “drug” that we have become so accustomed to: alcohol.
Gray matter is the tissue on the brain’s surface that primarily consists of nerve cell bodies. White matter is the deeper brain tissue that contains myelinated nerve fibers, which are branches protruding from nerve cells that transmit electrical impulses to other cells and tissues.
The team notes that any reduction in the size of white or gray matter or a loss in their integrity can lead to impairments in brain functioning.
“With alcohol, we’ve known it’s bad for the brain for decades,” notes Hutchison. “But for cannabis, we know so little.”
Marijuana Use Had No Impact
The study included the brain images of 853 adults who were aged between 18 and 55 years and 439 teenagers between the ages of 14 and 18. All participants varied in their use of alcohol and marijuana.
The researchers found that alcohol use — particularly in adults who had been drinking for many years — was associated with a reduction in gray matter volume, as well as a reduction in the integrity of white matter.
Marijuana use, however, appeared to have no impact on the structure of gray or white matter in either teenagers or adults.
Based on these findings, the researchers believe that drinking alcohol is likely to be much more harmful to brain health than using marijuana.
“…While marijuana may also have some negative consequences, it definitely is nowhere near the negative consequences of alcohol.”
Kent Hutchison
When it comes to the possible benefits of marijuana use, however, Thayer and her team note that the jury is still out, and further research is needed to reach some conclusions.
Help with any type of addiction is closer than you think. Visit Recovery Guidance to find a wide range of treatment choices near you.
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March 17, 2018
How Detachment Empowers
In recovery we talk about letting go and detaching, but we don’t often add that detachment empowers. How can it empower when it seems the very opposite? It doesn’t seem to make sense. For loved ones and family members letting go can feel like having to abandon the very deepest beliefs that we hold. For me, it’s still as hard and anguish-making as….well, as it is for any substance user not to quit his or her drug of choice Why is detachment from this disease so hard?
I’d say without my beliefs and actions, how do I know who I am? How do I know I’m a good person? How do I show I care? How can I keep the bad things from happening?
5 Myths Parents Can’t Help Believing:
Caring means taking action whenever there is a problem.
Loving requires complete attention, which often translates into dropping everything whenever issues come up and listening no matter what.
Being good parents requires self-sacrifice. That may mean skimping to give an adult child things he or she needs. Or postponing activities or fun things because a loved one needs them. For different parents self-sacrifice means different things.
Parents are responsible for keeping adult children alive no matter what the circumstances.
You can only be as happy as your saddest child.
For parents (or other loved ones) who believe the above myths, it requires a real emotional overhaul to think, let alone behave, any other way. Those five myths were the guides of my life, filled my head, and changed me into someone no one wants to be. As an enmeshed parent, I was no help to anyone.
So What Was In My Head Before Addiction Took Me Hostage?
I loved the ridiculous.
I laughed and mugged around a lot. People thought I was funny.
I danced to the music and played the piano. I sang with the radio.
I was preoccupied with orchids, gardens, weeds, bread-making. Seasonal bounty.
I really liked food.
I cried at the drop of a hat: GE commercials never failed to make me cry.
I wrote about murder and mayhem, but not about substance use.
I didn’t feel myself changing into a different person altogether. I just slowly stopped loving the ridiculous. I didn’t feel funny, didn’t sing or play the piano. I didn’t water the plants. They all died, and I didn’t care. I stopped being a very diligent house cleaner. And I couldn’t even cry because crying meant I wasn’t up to the bigger task that was now set for me, which was to be perfectly totally vigilant in every way so the unthinkable, unbearable disaster wouldn’t happen to us. That was my job. And that’s magical thinking.
You know we have no control over happens, right? And you also know that trying to perfect is far from perfection. In fact, it’s the opposite. Plus you lose whatever self was you.
What How Detachment Empowers
So, What does detaching and letting go look like for me? The first and foremost thing is allowing myself to trust that my loved ones can take over their own controls. That’s not detachment. It’s empowerment. I still love and care for and do positive things; but my head, and body, can go to the beach now. And my private headspace can fill up with….whatever nonsense appeals. Does that mean I can sing, dance and be funny again. Yes, I am funny and ridiculous again. And yes, if you really must know detaching was tumultuous and messy, and sometimes it looked as if we would not reach the recovery we all longed for. There was a lot of anger and fear, and not speaking, and lonely times. But detachment empowered us and brought us back together again in a much healthier way.
If you need help coping with mental illness or addiction, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to fine professional help in your area.
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March 16, 2018
Coping Skills Can Help Patients With Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
From Science Daily: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a complex psychological condition, and those who suffer from it experience severe reduction in their quality of life. A new study now shows that OCD sufferers need to adopt adaptive coping skills rather than the maladaptive strategies often used such as repetitive, compulsive actions or creating emotional distance from a situation, in order to effectively manage their condition.
Moritz and his colleagues compared the behaviour of 60 patients suffering from OCD with 110 people with depression and 1050 adults in a control group. All participants completed anonymous online surveys in which their medical and psychological history was ascertained, along with their levels of compulsivity and ability to cope in specific situations. They answered a questionnaire that covered different adaptive and maladaptive coping styles that someone might use to deal with problematic situations.
The participants also responded to the Maladaptive and Adaptive Coping Styles Questionnaire (MAX) that Moritz and his colleagues recently developed. This questionnaire measures coping styles using three dimensions:
Maladaptive coping (such as thought suppression, rumination)
Adaptive coping (e.g. problem-solving, acceptance)
Avoidance
Participants gave information about coping strategies they adopt against their OCD symptoms such as problem-solving and rumination, as well as other coping styles that have only recently been adopted in therapy, such as acceptance and suppression.
Participants with OCD were found to possess more maladaptive coping skills than all others, including those suffering from depression. They also possessed fewer functional skills to help them cope and adapt. Those who lacked adaptive coping were also likely to have a resistance to symptoms, and poor insight about their condition.
“Patients with OCD are characterized by both more maladaptive coping and less adaptive coping relative to controls,” Moritz explains.
“Coping skills are important for many aspects of daily life beyond mental health. Teaching children skills such as how to cope with bullying at school, poor performance or problems with their parents, for example, in the framework of general cognitive preventative treatment and resilience training in school, may help children to better deal with emotional turmoil and challenging situations during adolescence. It may also prevent the progression of a vulnerability to later obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression as well as other disorders,” says Moritz.
Although the study explains some of the skills that patients with OCD lack, Moritz says further research is needed to find out to what extent improving such coping skills during childhood and adolescence through cognitive behavioural therapy or similar interventions may indeed improve a sufferer’s life.
Recovery Guidance lists the full spectrum of mental health and addiction providers near you who can help treat anxiety and depression.
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March 15, 2018
Codependent’s Recipe For Perfect Coconut Haystacks
I’m a skilled baker, but I was never able to make my Mother-in-law Rita’s signature Coconut Haystacks. I couldn’t make our relationship work either. For years, I thought I was the problem. If I only tried harder, gave more, or said less. I finally realized she was gaslighting me, and here’s how I’m getting over it.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is difficult to explain and even more difficult to recognize. Basically, one person uses covert tactics to make another person question his or her sanity. Rita was in my life for 20 years, and every encounter with her had an “incident.” Each incident was just a little off, leaving me to wonder, “Did that really happen?” or “Am I being petty?” Gaslighters rarely engage in bold, red flag behaviors. They manipulate and intimidate in a way that keeps their victims silent and second guessing themselves.
Rita’s recipe for her haystacks is a perfect example of gaslighting. These chocolate cookies were my husband’s favorite. Since I love baking, I asked her for the recipe. Yet each time I made the cookies, they never turned out. They were too dry or too soft. They didn’t set or they cooked too fast. After each failure, I asked her what I did wrong. It was always something different. It was too humid outside, or too cold. I got the recipe again, and again. Still nothing worked for me. Sure, she claimed to have the same failures I did, but I never saw proof. For Rita, the recipe always worked. It was about much more than the recipe. Our whole relationship was based on her besting and hurting me, and my feeling it was my fault.
She Was The Cat And I Was The Mouse
In gaslighting, opposites attract. One person, who’s usually a narcissistic manipulator, uses various methods to control another person, who is usually timid, sensitive, and empathetic. Guess which one was me.
Codependent Overcomes
Rita died seven years ago, but I’m still traumatized. In order to recover, I had to throw away all the memories of Rita’s wrongs and hurts, as well as my own inability to stand up for myself. In recovery, I have been working on all the components that go along with being a Codependent. I now know I am not alone and now I also know I am not helpless. I can find other resources to answer my questions. And that’s that I did to create the perfect Haystack recipe. Thank You, Google.
Codependent’s Perfect Haystacks
First, spray a cookie sheet with non-stick oil.
In a large bowl, combine:
3 cups of Quick Cook Oats
1 cup of Coconut
Mix and set aside.
In a sauce pan, combine:
1 stick of butter
1 ¾ cups of sugar
½ cup of bittersweet cocoa
½ cup of milk
Cook on medium-high heat, constantly stirring. When the sauce reaches a rolling boil, start a timer and continue cooking for 1 ½ minutes.
Remove from heat and stir in oats and coconut. Scoop onto cookie sheet and let cool. Best served with milk.
Need help with a toxic relationship? Recovery Guidance lists family therapists near you.
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10 Break-Up Take-Aways
Our relationship has ended. Not failed, but simply completed. This break-up provides an uninvited opportunity to examine my past and future.
What saddens me isn’t the end of “us,” but the loss of the friendship. We should have left love alone and remained on the friend shelf. Now, we are nothing.
It’s the square peg-round hole syndrome — no one is at fault, we just don’t fit together nearly as well as we had expected. Our friendship was based on mutual adventures but we couldn’t change that into a partnership based on mutual values. In doing so, we sacrificed that which brought us together as friends in the first place.
Instead Of A Friend, I Have These Break-up Take-Aways:
Be present to see what’s right in front of me. I got caught up in how I wanted our relationship to look and feel. People really do show you who they really are if you’re paying attention.
Observe what’s going on around me, instead of closing my eyes. I thought things would magically work out without my being actionable or accountable.
Be curious about the bigger picture. After all, how we are in one area of our lives is how we are in all areas.
Treat myself well, so that I can show others how to treat me.
Detach and create space when I need expanded awareness … and be unapologetic about it.
Continue my journey of self-awareness. I have to be who I am and to believe that I really do know what’s best for me.
Leave my boundaries where they are; and not smudge them because… well… maybe it’ll be different THIS time.
Let go of meaningless things and close the door when required.
Stay within who I am. Next time, I won’t allow old wounds and past triggers to complicate matters. Nor will I endlessly debate or explain myself.
Be open to the transformation of who I am in the process. I have to give myself time to heal, relax and stretch myself in areas that are on the edge of my comfort zone.
The pain of a break-up is never easy, but for all of this, I am grateful.
Therapy can help you get back on a healthy path. Find counselors near you at Recovery Guidance.
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How To Beat The Chaos Habit
In a world with so many things happening and news on a 24/7 cycle, we live within a culture of chaos. As a result, we’ve developed a chaos habit. Everyday events like relationships, kids, family, work, leisure and education overload us with too much of everything. We can’t see a way out.
How Can We Move From Surviving To Thriving?
We must learn to use the chaos for good, for out of chaos comes creativity. Chaos, with its energizing factors, can be wrestled into healing. Here are thirteen ways thrive in spite of a chaos habit.
1. Surrender To The Chaos
This simply means recognizing that your life is out-of-control and the first steps are to acknowledge, surrender, and accept that things need to change. By letting go of the baggage of thinking you are overwhelmed, this allows you to realize that there are ways to cope and to keep things in perspective.
2. Recognize The Chaotic Pattern
As noted above, chaos is nothing but energy that has gone amuck. Recognize the chaotic patterns in your life and where these patterns are the worst. Are you watching too much news, being nothing but a chauffeur to your kids, fighting with your partner, or are you overwhelmed with work stress?
3. Use Your Chaos Habit In A Positive Manner
Everything is energy and it is how you respond to the energy makes a difference. When you begin to utilize this chaotic energy in a positive manner, you take it out of the realm of dysfunction into health.
4. Act, Don’t React
When you react to people and situations, negative reactions can steal your energy. Instead, when you act, you come from your own power. For example, your teenage daughter is angry and yelling at you for not allowing her to attend a party. If you engage by reacting with your own anger and yelling, the situation continues to escalate. But if you act out of power by responding calmly and rationally, then the situation becomes calmer, or at least, you are calm within the chaos.
5. Set Healthy Boundaries
Yes means yes and no means no.
If you constantly give in, then you are acting out of chaos instead of power.
6. Make A List Of The Things You Do And Prioritize Them
Organize, organize, and organize. Then follow through with the organization. Can you do less of the stressful activities?
7. If Possible, Shut Down For Awhile
Turn off the TV, stay off the computer, and give yourself some free time.
8. Rely On Others For Help
If there is a special situation that has created more chaos, such as a death of a loved one, make sure you rely on others for help. While you can lean on others, you must be sure to not wear them out, so you need to be careful regarding asking for too much help.
9. Get Support
Also, you can rely on others such as attending 12-step meetings, support groups, and going to counseling.
10. Make Sure You’re Doing The 4 Basics Of Health
Put these four things first: eating, sleeping, exercising, and hygiene, EVERY day. These basics significantly help towards feeling better. After those needs have been filled, do healthy activities that you enjoy:
Read
Go jogging
Take meditative walk
Go to the movies
Go out to dinner with friends
Participate in yoga groups or do yoga alone
Do puzzles
Go to a nature preserve
Meditate
Journal
Participate in religious/spiritual activities.
12. Focus On Gratitude
Make a gratitude sandwich. In the morning and at night, make a daily list of what you’re grateful for and remember them throughout the day.
13. Laugh And Have Fun
Instead of getting overwhelmed, look at your life and laugh. You are the only one who can turn it around – from chaos to fun.
Also, let’s explore a technique developed by holistic practitioner and author, Caroline Myss. She tells us to give ourselves $100 worth of energy at the beginning of the day. Then, throughout the day, add and subtract to such energy, with the goal of having at least $100 of energy left by bedtime. This wonderful activity helps to see where the positive energy is coming from such as from healthy people and activities in life, and where the energy may get sucked away. Do this for a week; it’s amazing at how helpful this is.
In summary, chaos can be your friend. Embrace the energy and channel it into healthy ways. Energy is energy. How it’s used is up to you.
If you need help with addiction or mental health, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to locate professionals near you.
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