Leslie Glass's Blog, page 371

Want To Be Happier? Try Changing The Conversations You Have

From Psych Central:

Like many of you no doubt, I’ve spent a long time thinking I was simply no good at networking. In fact, I’ve spent a long time thinking I was no good at socializing full stop. Then I realized, the main reason I was finding it so painful was because I was being asked the wrong questions, and in turn I was asking the wrong questions.

So, what do you do?

The typical question when meeting new people, friends of friends, or work acquaintances is that standard fare — so, what do you do?

It’s a minefield question in itself. Do you answer by the job you’re paid to do or the unpaid, freelance work you do on the side? Your passion projects or your high status job title? What if you’re unemployed, or a stay-at-home parent? Taking a sabbatical while you figure things out?

Essentially this is why we’re asking each other the question — we want to know where we stand in equilibrium with the person we’re conversing with. We want to know, is this someone worth talking to? Is our job title above or below theirs? Is our company bigger, more profitable, more well known, cooler than theirs? Am I more successful than them? Are they passionate about the work they do? Does this come across when we ask the question? We could even go so far as to say we’re trying to find out if they are happier than us. Do they have a better sense of purpose in their life?

As I said. The question is a minefield.

There’s actually more to the benign questions we ask and networking small talk than we realize. It turns out that the types of conversations we engage in have a greater impact on our personal and emotional wellbeing than we give them credit for.

Research by scientists from the University of Arizona, and Washington University respectively, indicates that the conversations we have deeply impacts on our overall perception of whether we are happy or unhappy.

The scientists asked seventy-nine participants to wear a recording device for four days and recorded the different conversations they engaged in over the course of their daily lives. From the recordings, the scientists then deciphered which were categorized as trivial small talk, and which were deemed as more substantial conversations.

Participants who rated themselves as the happiest engaged in twice as many substantial conversations over the duration of the recordings, and engaged in only one third as much trivial small talk as the lowest rated participants for happiness.

The findings suggest that happiness is connected to the conversations we have. Deep, meaningful conversations fuel our emotional and personal wellbeing. Isolated and superficial conversations do not allow is to grow as individuals, nor develop better relationships overall.

Change the Narrative

While trying to find a way to overcome this, specifically for networking situations, I was introduced to a blog post from The Minimalists. If you’re not familiar with them, have a look at their website and you can find the post that changed my thinking here.

Essentially they argue that when we ask people ‘what do you do’ we’re putting them, and ourselves into boxes, with only one way to think and learn about one another. And it’s boring. We should instead be asking a different question — ‘what are you passionate about.’

Which makes sense. While our day jobs do feed into a lot of our lives, there is more to our individual stories than what we just happen to be doing during the 9 to 5. I started thinking about all the people I admired the most and what I knew about them — did their job titles come to mind first and foremost? Of course not. When I think about those people, I think about all the interesting things I know about them — which might have something to do with their work, but not always and not entirely.

What’s your story?

Instead of asking ‘what do you do’ try asking about the person in another way. The Minimalists suggestion of what’s your passion is a nice example, but I also enjoy asking people ‘what’s your story?’, ‘how do you enjoy spending your time?‘ or ‘what drives you?’.

It can be an easier question to prompt answers if people feel shy, and there are many different avenues you can take the conversation down — a person’s story can include narratives from their past, present or future.

It works well in a variety of scenarios when you’re engaging with new people – including professional networking! At an event where you’ll meet a few dozen people, are you going to remember the ones who told you what they do or who told you their story? I can guarantee asking this question will inspire people to remember you, and want to work with you.

As humans, we’re driven by stories. Take the time to ask someone about theirs and you might just be surprised where it leads you.

 

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May Is Mental Health Month: #4Mind4Body

From Psychology Today:

Approximately one in five adults in the United States, 43.8 million, or 18.5%, experiences a mental illness in a given year and approximately one in five youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental health disorder at some point during their lifetime. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%. Mental illness is not prejudiced; as mental health disorders affect men and women of all ages, races and social classes.

Raising awareness about mental health and eliminating the stigma is important.

Since 1949, the month of May has been observed as Mental Health Month in the United States and many national organizations such as NAMI, Mental Health America, and other affiliates spotlight Mental Health Month to raise awareness about the importance of mental health and to stop the stigma associated with mental health disorders. The theme for this year’s Mental Health Month is Fitness #4Mind4Body, meaning that health is an all-encompassing matter and we must take care of our minds just as much as we take care of our bodies. Mental health is important for our physical health and vice versa. A well-balanced diet, a healthy sleep schedule, exercise, gut health, and hydration all affect our mental health and our physical health equally. Studies have shown that individuals who have chronic medical illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure or autoimmune disorders have a higher likelihood of being diagnosed with a mental health disorder such as depression or anxiety. Our bodies and mind act as one unit and therefore it is important to care for both our emotional and mental states as well as our physical health.

Changing your health by changing your habits

This year’s campaign #4Mind4Body is encouraging individuals around the country to focus on the following healthy aspects of their daily lives in order to promote mental wellness:

Maintain uninterrupted sleep for 8 hours each night.
Avoid sugars, greasy foods, salts, processed foods and saturated fats.
Consume more whole grains, greens, unprocessed foods, lean meats and unsaturated fats.
Eat 2-3 well-balanced meals per day.
Drink at least 3 liters of water per day.
Consume natural probiotics such as yogurt, miso, sauerkraut, kefir, and kimchi.
Engage in a physical for at least 30 minutes a day.
Stay away from toxic thoughts, toxic people, and toxic conversations.
Engage in positive thoughts and conversations.
Practice mindfulness or meditation on a daily basis.
Learn how to manage your stress.
Stay present in your daily relationships.
Avoid “screen time” and engage in more “in person time”.
Visit your doctor for preventative health and cancer screenings.
Take time for yourself every day.

Small changes have big impacts

For the month of May, Mental Health America and NAMI are challenging you to make small positive changes in your life that can benefit your mind and your body. Document these changes and feel free to share on social media. You may be surprised by how much positive impact one small change can have on your life.

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Spring Readiness Just Isn’t There

Spring readiness has been a problem this year. Why couldn’t I get moving? More than politics and relationships, and work are in flux for many of us. And then there’s the weather. It’s hard to let go of the dreary season. The weather in Upstate NY has been tumultuous, to say the least. We have experienced days where fluffy white stuff has fallen and forced the tips of the hyacinth to stay put in the supposed-to-be-warmer-by-now soil. Nights of frost have been warmed by days where the temperatures hit the eighties, only to be followed by days of thunder and storms which were accompanied by flood watches. The weather has been all over the place! All four seasons in one week? Yeah … we got that.

Too Much and Not Enough In Nature

I swear the full moon has prompted a growth spurt in the grass as my lawn looks like it grew three inches overnight. But for all my wanting and yearning for Spring to arrive … I’m not ready. The trees downed by the last storm have yet to be cleared – and now my lawn needs to be mowed. Gardens put to bed to overwinter need to be cleared and set up with plants that will provide a bounty of yummy treats through the summer. The most I was able to accomplish in the bleakness of the lingering chilly weather was to put the wooden rockers out on the back porch; the glider remaining in the shed for its coat of water sealer – yet another thing to do!

And What Should I Do With My Clothes

And then there’s the annual switching of the clothes. Winter sweaters sit in piles on the bed in the guest room… unsure of the season, I have left them out just in case their warmth would be needed. Meanwhile, their summer cousins wait in the storage containers on the same bed, my reluctance to trust the weather has left them in limbo.

Obviously, I need to get moving. By waiting for the sun to shine to spark my moving forward, I have allowed myself to stay stuck in the gloominess of the season that wouldn’t let go. I wonder where I’d be had I let go first?

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Fear Of Finances Be Gone!

For most of my life I had the dread disease of FOF, which simply stated is Fear Of Finances. When I entered DA, one of the things I related to immediately was all the talk about vagueness around money. I never knew how much money was really in my bank account. I was always shocked when taxes came around, and I lived in complete fear of normal things like opening my mail, and paying bills. It’s not so bad when you know what you’re doing. But even worse, I was terrified of talking about money, particularly in professional settings where I’d find often myself negotiating down before anyone else. Meaning I was the loser in any talk of money, finance, wages, or bills.
Journaling Expenses Eased Fear Of Finances

Fear of Finances started to change for me when I began the daily practice of writing down my numbers at the end of every day. It’s simply looking at all your receipts and recording everything you spent in categories like: food, shelter, dependent care, and on and on. For 16 categories. This practice slowly taught me clarity when it came to my finances. Suddenly, I knew every day what I had in the bank, and what I was spending. Sounds so primary, but for people in recovery who never did this before, it was life changing. Truly. 

Clarity Ends Monthly Terror Of The Debtor’s Abyss

After a few months, I had a clear record of where all my money was going. It was frightening and enlightening. I learned things like, I spend an obscene amount of money at Starbucks and 7/11 that should be going to monthly shopping trips that would actually keep me in food for the whole month. I learned I actually had enough money to cover most important things if I adjusted form the not important things – ie., Starbucks and 7/11.

Learning The Numbers Made Negotiating Easier

Then when it came to work, I was able to say, I can’t work for less than this amount because this is what it costs for me to live. There’s no shame in saying I can’t work for that amount once you actually know why, and can back it up. But, you have to know what your life actually costs to be able to feel safe,—whether you’re spending, or asking for money. If you work, you have to account for what you’ve contributed.

Finding Clarity Makes Responsibility Possible

Step 1 to banish FOF once and for all is finding clarity. Simply finding some clarity about your habits and how they make you irresponsible with money. With clarity comes peace of mind.  Just remember what they say, there’s no fear and faith at the same time. Have faith that if you take the time to de-vague you will in fact de-stress.

 

 

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Hated Moms Can Be Loved Again

I was one of those hated moms on many Mother’s Days. It’s was a confusing phenomenon. My only wish was to love, help and guide my children through their teen and college years, but they saw me as interfering, controlling, and a little bit crazy. And I was. Substance use makes all family members more than a little crazy. In my family it was hard work for everyone to come back from the damage done. We had some very bitter years. We even had an actual time out that lasted nearly four years. Time outs can be good things if you use the space to work on yourself and not be furious. Families can learn to love an appreciate each other, and be better than they were before. I can testify to that.

Substance Use In The Teen Years

It’s important to note that not all children who use substances develop Substance Use Disorder (addiction). Many tweens and teens experiment, have difficult years, and with treatment and support come out of it to live productive and happy lives, and to love their moms again. Others do develop SUD (substance use disorder), a chronic, relapsing, brain disease that requires a lifetime of monitoring and treatment. And those children can love and appreciate their moms, too. Either way, the outcome can be very good. Here’s what parents need to know.

Parents have to take substance use (which includes alcohol) very seriously because you can’t assume your child is just going through a phase
Be prepared that for some years love will seem lost forever
Work on yourself to understand yourself and the part you play
Learn the difference between enabling use and supporting recovery

The Substance Use Road To Broken Hearts

Here’s what happens emotionally. Substance use untethers people (at every age) from the anchors, the norms, the values, the relationships that nurture them. For example, when young people are enjoying or dependent on drinking or using substances, they resist any kind of any kind of parental advice or warnings. The more anxious and frightened a mom becomes, the more risk there is for confrontation, anger, and ultimately resistance to any kind of parental intervention.

 

Mom Loses Authority And Love

Every family with substance use becomes untethered like ships with no rudder. Moms lose both their authority and the love from their kids that nourished them when children were little. Substances and other behaviors replace mom as rudder and guiding light. Moms aren’t taught to withstand this kind of loss. When a child cannot allow himself to be loved or to love mom (or anyone else), he or she is truly floundering, but rarely knows it. Imagine ocean liners without tug boats to guide them into harbors, or planes flying without radar or air traffic control. That is family life in substance use. While love may drive a mom to save her child at any cost, there is no love coming back at this time to nourish or help her.

Love Can Be Regained

These loses are an outcome for moms from the substance use experience that isn’t commonly explored. Mom loses love and authority, tries to get them back, and risks becoming toxically controlling. We don’t know what’s happened to us and don’t see our attempts at solution as anything but loving and supportive. I felt lost and alone for many years, but I am here to tell you that love isn’t dead during the recovery journey. It’s just in hiding. When mom can accept she’s not in control and adult have to find their own way, Mother’s Day can be joyful again.

 

 

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5 Steps To Make Affirmations Work For You

From Psychology Today:

Affirmations (meaning statements said with confidence about a perceived truth) have helped thousands of people make significant changes in their lives. But they don’t always work for everyone. How can one person have great success using this tool, while another sees no results at all?

Learn how to make affirmations work for you.

An affirmation can work, because it has the ability to program your mind into believing the stated concept. This is because the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real or fantasy. When you watch a movie, and you start to laugh or cry, your mind is empathizing with the characters on the screen even though it is only Hollywood magic. There are both positive and negative types of affirmations. I’m sure many of us can remember being told as a child by a teacher, parent, or coach that we didn’t have the ability to do something (we were fat, clumsy, etc.). These unwholesome statements can stay with us in the conscious or unconscious mind, which we then reinforce throughout our lives.

For example, the fear of failure, according to Heinz Kohut, the grandfather of psychology of the self, is often intimately connected to a childhood fear of being abandoned, either physically or emotionally. When we fear failure, we tend to overestimate the risk we’re taking and imagine the worst possible scenario — the emotional equivalent of our primary caretakers deserting us. What we picture is so dreadful that we convince ourselves we shouldn’t even try to change. We avoid opportunities for success, and then when we fail, the unwholesome affirmation we unwittingly re-confirm is “Success just isn’t written in my stars,” or “It’s just not in my karma!”

If an unwholesome belief is deeply rooted in our unconscious mind, then it has the ability to override a positive affirmation, even if we aren’t aware of it. This is why, for many people, affirmations don’t seem to work: Their afflicted thought patterns are so strong that they knock out the effect of the positive statement. So how can we add more muscle to an affirmation, so that it has the power to triumph over our negative thinking? Here are some suggestions on how to make them work for you.

5 Steps to Make Affirmations More Effective and Powerful

Step 1: Make a list of what you’ve always thought of as your negative qualities. Include any criticisms others have made of you that you’ve been holding onto — whether it’s something your siblings, parents, or peers used to say about you when you were a child, or what your boss told you in your last annual review. Don’t judge if they’re accurate, and remember we all have flaws. This is one of the beauties of being human. Simply make a note of them and look for a common theme, such as “I’m unworthy.” This will be a great place to start making a shift in your life. When you write out the recurring belief, notice if you holding on to it anywhere in your body? For example, do you feel tightness or dread in your heart or stomach? In my book Wise Mind, Open Mind(link is external), I discuss in detail how to let go of negative self-judgments, but for now, ask yourself if this unwholesome concept is helpful or productive in your life — and if not, what would be?

Step 2: Now write out an affirmation on the positive aspect of your self-judgment. You may want to use a thesaurus to find more powerful words to beef up your statement. For example, instead of saying, “I’m worthy,” you could say, “I’m remarkable and cherished.” After you have written your affirmation, ask a close friend to read it to see if they have any suggestions for how to make it stronger.

Step 3: Speak the affirmation out loud for about five minutes three times a day — morning, midday, and evening. An ideal time to do this is when you’re putting on your makeup or shaving, so that you can look at yourself in the mirror as you repeat the positive statement. Another option that helps to reinforce the new belief and would be easy to do at work is to write out the affirmation several times in a notebook. Notice over time as you write it if your style of writing changes. This could be a clue as to how your mind perceives the new concept. I call this exercise using the mindfulness journal to forward the agenda of the positive affirmation.

Step 4: Anchor the affirmation in your body as you are repeating it by placing your hand on the area that felt uncomfortable when you wrote out the negative belief in Step 1. Also, “breathe” into the affirmation while you are saying or writing it. As you reprogram your mind, you want to move from the concept of the affirmation to a real, positive embodiment of the quality you seek.

Step 5: Get a friend or coach to repeat your affirmation to you. As they are saying, for example, “You are remarkable and cherished,” identify this statement as “good mothering” or “good fathering” messages. If you don’t have someone whom you feel comfortable asking, then use your reflection in the mirror as the person who is reinforcing the healthy message.

Affirmations can be a powerful tool to help you change your mood, state of mind, and manifest the change you desire in your life. But they work best if you can first identify the unwholesome belief that is opposing them. If these suggestions are still not helping, then I recommend seeing a professional therapist to help you uncover what is buried deep in your unconscious and/or start a mindfulness meditation practice. Mindfulness meditation is a very effective method to help you uncover your unconscious thought patterns. It allows you to categorize them, identifying what is wholesome or negative and afflicted. Mindfulness is not about change; rather, it’s about the power and ability to accept first what is, then to transmute towards what is possible. Try it and see how your life can improve!

 

Photo: Adobe

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35 Affirmations That Will Change Your Life

From Huffington Post:

If you believe the phrase you are what you think, then life truly stems from your thoughts. But we cannot rely purely on thoughts; we must translate thoughts into words and eventually into actions in order to manifest our intentions. This means we have to be very careful with our words, choosing to speak only those which work towards our benefit and cultivate our highest good. Affirmations help purify our thoughts and restructure the dynamic of our brains so that we truly begin to think nothing is impossible. The word affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare, originally meaning “to make steady, strengthen.”

Affirmations do indeed strengthen us by helping us believe in the potential of an action we desire to manifest. When we verbally affirm our dreams and ambitions, we are instantly empowered with a deep sense of reassurance that our wishful words will become reality.

Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains. Much like exercise, they raise the level of feel-good hormones and push our brains to form new clusters of “positive thought” neurons(http://www.arlenetaylor.org/brain-care/953-affirmation). In the sequence of thought-speech-action, affirmations play an integral role by breaking patterns of negative thoughts, negative speech, and, in turn, negative actions.

The art of the spoken word is critical in crafting our futures. As a teacher of spirituality, it is my firm belief that we influence the universe word by word. If we dictate to it our wishes, it will respond. When we utter a sound, we emit a sound wave into the universe. This sound wave pierces through the air and becomes a real object. It therefore exists in our world, intangible and invisible. No words are empty words, as every syllable we speak engages energy towards or against us. If you constantly say “I can’t,” the energy of your words will repel the universal force against you. But if you say “I can!” the universe will endow you with the abilities to do just that. So speak away; relinquish your fears and purge your anger, predict your own future and live up to your potential with the 35 affirmations that will change your life:

1.) I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.

2.) Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.

3.) My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.

4.) I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

5.) I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.

6.) I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.

7.) A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.

8.) I am guided in my every step by Spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.

9.) (If you’re married) My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day.

10.) I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

11.) (For business owners) My business is growing, expanding, and thriving.

12.) Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.

13.) Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given.

14.) My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.

15.) (For those who are unemployed) I deserve to be employed and paid well for my time, efforts, and ideas. Each day, I am closer to finding the perfect job for me.

16.) I am courageous and I stand up for myself.

17.) My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.

18.) Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.

19.) Many people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired.

20.) I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

21.) I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.

22.) Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good.

23.) I am a powerhouse; I am indestructible.

24.) Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life.

25.) My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now.

26.) My efforts are being supported by the universe; my dreams manifest into reality before my eyes.

27.) (For those who are single) The perfect partner for me is coming into my life sooner than I expect.

28.) I radiate beauty, charm, and grace.

29.) I am conquering my illness; I am defeating it steadily each day.

30.) My obstacles are moving out of my way; my path is carved towards greatness.

31.) I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.

32.) My fears of tomorrow are simply melting away.

33.) I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.

34.) My nature is Divine; I am a spiritual being.

35.) My life is just beginning.

You can utilize any of these affirmations alone or create your own unique combination based on your personal wishes and needs. What is most important is to establish a profound communication with the universe — so say it with conviction, say it in your own unique voice, and make it happen in the real world.

Photo: Adobe

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Healing From Toxic Relationships In Recovery

Toxic relationships are never easy. After we find recovery, we often have little or no room left in our lives for the drama that comes with these toxic relationships. Further, even healthy marital and long-term intimate relationships often go through major reconstruction during recovery or face collapsing.



This reconstruction often involves healing past wounds to the relationship, redefining role responsibilities, altering daily rituals of communication, and developing new patterns of sexual intimacy. It also involves shedding self-defeating patterns of speaking and acting toward one another that have often become deeply ingrained during the addiction years. Healing from toxic relationships requires two steps.

Step 1 Evaluate Relationships

Needless to say, the drama and disruption of such relationships can undermine the most sincere recovery efforts. Here are some tools to help you examine your relationships. (You can also download this as worksheet below.)

1. Inventory Your Past Relationships

Are there common patterns to how these relationships begin and end? Are you drawn to partners that also have severe alcohol and/or other drug problems? Do you seem to be drawn to a particular type of partner that ends up hurting you emotionally or physically? Does it feel like you keep re-enacting the same painful dramas in your life?

2. Define Your Part In The Relationship

It is good to get to know yourself as a person in recovery before getting into new relationships. Based on the above inventory, complete the following sentence: I need to avoid getting into relationships with individuals who _____________________________________________.

3. Define Early Warning Signs

It may be helpful to work with a counselor or others who have had similar relationship problems. Warning signs are unique for everyone. These tell me I want to avoid starting a relationship with someone.

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

Early warning signs that tell me I need to get out of a relationship that has begun.

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

4. Consider Going Solo

This is one way to avoid “jumping from the fryingpan into the fire.” Early recovery requires enormous energy. This is a time requiring a great deal of focus on yourself. If you are not in a serious relationship, consider this as a “time-out” period to get yourself together.

5. Determine What You Want

What I am seeking in a relationship is a man or woman who has the following characteristics:

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

6. Seek A Relationship Coach

A counselor, friend or peer in recovery can guide you through your first relationships in recovery.

7. Seek Professional Help As Needed

If you find your old relationship pattern continuing, get into a long-term therapy relationship that focuses on breaking this pattern.

8. Put Safety First

Assertively manage your own safety and the safety of your children at all times.

Here are some principles and prescriptions that might be of help.

Step 2 Place Boundaries
1. Individual Healing Must Precede Relationship Healing

Encourage your partner to get help for herself or himself via counseling or participation in groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon so that he or she can relearn to trust, forgive past injuries, and resist the urge to control your recovery efforts.

2. The Very Thing Everyone Wants—RECOVERY—Can Threaten An Intimate Relationship

Because of all the feelings and patterns of behaviors that developed during the addiction years, the adjustment to recovery can exert great strain on intimate and family relationships. Expect such strain. It is a normal part of the recovery process.

3. Relational Healing Takes Time

Remind yourselves to be patient with one another through this process. All that is wrong with the relationship does not reverse itself the moment recovery begins. The relationship must recover also, and this will proceed, like personal recovery, in ebbs and flows over time.

4. Relational Healing May Take Professional Help

Such help may increase the prospects of successful recovery and the prospects of salvaging the relationship.

5. Some Relationships Aren’t Salvageable

In spite of the best efforts of those involved, not all intimate relationships will survive the recovery process. When it is clear a relationship will not survive, find a way to disengage from the relationship with as little damage to all involved. This disengagement process may also require outside professional help.

For those entering recovery not in a committed relationship, there are the twin pitfalls of getting involved in another relationship too quickly and getting involved in relationships that are destructive to your personal health, safety and recovery. These pitfalls can be a particular problem for those who have come out of a turbulent family background or who have a history of stormy relationships.

The process of selecting intimate partners is complicated by assortative mating. Assortative mating is the process through which we select intimate partners based on similarities or differences with ourselves. This is a natural process, but can get complicated when we’ve developed a pattern of picking individuals who mirror our own destructive processes. Selecting partners that consistently mirror our own problems or abuse and/or abandon us brings chaos and emotional distress to an already fragile situation—early recovery.

Toxic Relationship Inventory Worksheet – Click To Download

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When Addiction Is A Co-Occurring Disorder

Approximately 8.1 million adults in the U.S. have a co-occurring disorder of addiction and mental illness. Furthermore, individuals with an addiction are twice as likely to suffer from a mood or anxiety disorder, antisocial personality disorder or conduct disorder compared to the general population. 

What Is A Co-occurring Disorder?

A co-occurring disorder is the occurrence of two disorders or illnesses in the same person. Although this term can refer to any combination of disorders and diseases, it often describes someone who suffers from a mental health illness (e.g., major depression) and a substance use disorder.

Symptoms may interact between conditions to influence the course and prognosis of both disorders.

“It is often difficult to disentangle the overlapping symptoms of drug addiction and other mental illnesses, making diagnosis and treatment complex.” – Nora Volkow, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse

Other psychiatric disorders commonly seen in combination with substance use disorder include:

Schizophrenia
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Bipolar Disorder
Attention-Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)

Within the last 12 months, NESARC reports a high number of co-occurring disorders, including:

Patients With A SUD

44% have personality disorders
28% have mood disorders
24% have anxiety disorders

Patients With An AUD

25% have personality disorders
16% have mood disorders
16% have anxiety disorders

Patients With Both Substance And Alcohol Use Disorders

51% have personality disorders
35% have mood disorders
27% have anxiety disorders
46% have post-traumatic stress disorder

The Chicken Or The Egg?

Which came first – the addiction or mental illness? The answer is both. For some, substance use triggers symptoms of a mental illness. Since the symptoms of both co-occurring disorders look alike, it’s hard to track the root cause. Once the patient finds abstinence, remaining symptoms can be addressed.  For others, mental illness leads to self-medicating to alleviate symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and discomfort.

Three Ways To Treat A Co-Occurring Disorder

The good news is that almost half (47%) of the addiction treatment facilities have specific programs to help patients with a co-occurring disorder. Research shows that cognitive behavioral therapy improves the psychological functioning of patients. Some specific treatment approaches include:

Integrated Dual Disorder Treatment (IDDT). This approach combines medications, psychological, educational, and social mechanisms to promote recovery for individuals with co-occurring disorders.
Seeking Safety is a counseling model for individuals with trauma and substance use disorder. It encourages patients to share their trauma story. Key principles of the model include gaining safety, focusing on ideals, and attention to cognitive, behavioral, interpersonal, and case management.
Integrated Group Therapy (IGT) specifically treats adults who suffer from bi-polar disorder and a substance use disorder. IGT emphasizes abstinence from alcohol and other drugs. It also helps patients recognize how their moods relate to substance use. Patients learn how to prevent a relapse, life skills, and medication management.

The post When Addiction Is A Co-Occurring Disorder appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

College Drinking Keep Your Children Safe

College drinking is not the fun that’s advertised. Parties, beer pong, keggers, pub crawls, body shots, chugging, and binging. While advertised as liberating and fun, the culture of college life is a culture of excessive drinking, impulsive acts, and too often, violent behaviors.

A Rite A Passage With Negative Consequences

For many college students, drinking is a rite of passage that comes with being away from home and establishing an independent lifestyle. College life is also a time of increased socialization, friendships, and dating, and alcohol use may be used as “liquid courage.” There is much unstructured time in college which can also lead to more partying. This includes underage drinking as it is easy to get older students to buy for you, drinking as a young adult, and often times, fraternity and sorority parties.

Binge drinking and over-drinking leads to impulsive actions and poor decision making. It can also lead to violence including sexual assault – for either the victim or perpetrator(s). And all too frequently, we also hear about fraternity hazing behaviors which are also often about extreme drinking and sometimes, physical assault.

One overlooked component of teen high school and college drinking is that women process alcohol at twice the rate of men, which means 1 drink for a teen girl is like two for a boy, and 2 drinks for a girl is like 4 for a boy. That puts girls at risk for negative consequences at twice the rate of boys. The ROR poster should be in every college dorm.

Consequences of College Drinking

(NIH, SAMHSA and The Maryland Collaborative reports):

Alcohol poisoning
Coma/death from binging
Depression
Suicide attempts
Unsafe sex leading to pregnancy, STDS, or HIV
Legal problems such minor-in-possession charges, vandalism, getting kicked out of a dorm due to use, or impulse-related actions such as fighting
Stupid behaviors (“Gee, I think I’ll jump off the roof and see if I can land in the pool”) due to poor impulse control and impaired decision-making skills
Accidents or injuries such as falling off a balcony
Drunk-driving charges and car accidents
Poor school performance and/or dropping out of school
Poor work performance
Plcohol use disorder/alcoholism
Violence and sexual assault

College Drinking Is A Health Problem

Regarding statistics about college drinking, The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, relates that this drinking is a significant health problem. They relate two studies which revealed that almost 60% of college students (18-22) drank alcohol in the past month and that “almost 2 out of 3 of them engaged in binge drinking during that same time frame.” They also note the issues of drinking and violence. Unfortunately, studies also indicate that colleges with strong Greek presences and/or or have top-flight athletic programs are more likely to have a problematic system of partying. Other statistics include:

“About 696,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.”
“About 98,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 report experiencing alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape.”

Likewise, The Maryland Collaborative notes that:

“Alcohol use does not cause sexual assault, but it can be a major contributing factor.”
“Sexual assaults involving alcohol more often occur among individuals who know each other casually as acquaintances, rather than among individuals in romantic relationships.”
Alcohol consumption is associated with aggression and loss of inhibition.”

Violence can come about due to arguments over anything big and small. Groups of students getting into fights; damages to property; fraternity hazing including forced drinking;  violence including sexual assault; and targeting of other students including racial minorities and LGBTQ students. This violence can also be sexual assault or date rape – mostly male upon female, but also males upon other males such as rape by using some type of penetrating object. Sexual assault includes anything from unwanted kissing to rape.

Educate Your Teens About College Drinking

It is imperative to educate college-bound students about the detrimental effects of extreme alcohol use. Parents must be open and honest and willing to listen to their kids. They also need to set boundaries such as withholding money for school if there are poor grades, legal charges, binge drinking episodes, or other issues related to drinking. They may require the child to participate in college education groups about drinking and/or counseling sessions through the school’s health and mental health treatment activities. Also, colleges may also enforce some type of education or treatment regarding alcohol use. So prevention is the most pertinent way of stopping alcohol use problems and violence. Read and understand ways to focus on such prevention for your college-bound teen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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