Leslie Glass's Blog, page 308

Warning Signs Your Spouse Is Using

There are some clear warning signs if a spouse, lover, or family member is using.  Whether you’re living together, in a committed relationship, engaged or married…no matter what the genders of the couple… the feelings and problems are equally difficult. Accepting that your loved one has a substance use disorder is the hardest thing in the world. It’s so scary. Someone you love is caught up in something dangerous and beyond your control. Your feelings will run from disbelief, fear and betrayal, anger, concern and back again. What you do and how you handle it is important. Your future will depend on taking care of yourself and being able to understand and accept the situation. Addiction doesn’t go away when it’s ignored.

First Be Observant

Do some detective work. That means taking care to watch what’s going on and making notes about how your loved one is acting toward you and everything else. Learn about addiction and the changes that occur in personality and behavior.

Know The 12 Warning Signs

Not all of them will be applicable to your loved one, but these are common signs of substance and alcohol abuse and addiction

Mood swings
Anger, impatience, irritable behavior, especially when confronted
Sudden appearance of new friends
Secrecy about activities and whereabouts
You found Items that you suspect might be drug paraphernalia
Pupils are often either enlarged or constricted. Methamphetamine or cocaine will enlarge the pupil while heroin and other opiates will constrict the pupils
Smells different, alcohol, marijuana and other drugs can change body odor
Loss of appetite
Money and other items have been disappearing
Neglecting things that used to be important—family, church, relationships, activities
Neglect of personal hygiene and personal appearance
Sudden secret phone calls and texting

Educate Yourself About Substances Your Loved One Is Using

If you have little knowledge of drug addiction, then learning more about different classes of drugs will also be helpful to you. Most drugs give fairly precise symptoms if you know what to look for.

Get Help

Addiction is not a choice. It now medical specialty described as an chronic relapsing brain disease. Don’t try to change anyone on your own, it won’t work. Seek professional help from a therapist, addiction professional, doctor.

If you need help with a loved-one’s substance use, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to locate both addiction and mental health care professionals near you. And visit Al-Anon.org

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These Are The 5 Best Diets For 2019, According To Experts

From Time:

For the second year in a row, the Mediterranean diet was named the best diet in America by U.S. News & World Report.

Following a Mediterranean diet involves eating lots of plants, whole grains, healthy fats (such as olive oil) and lean proteins, and cutting back on processed foods, red meat and refined sugars. The diet has long been linked to many health benefits, including lower risks of cancer and heart disease, better kidney health and a healthier gut. In the latest rankings, the Mediterranean diet also took the titles of best diet for healthy eating, diabetes and heart health, the easiest diet to follow and the best plant-based diet.

While no single diet is best for everyone, U.S. News’ expert rankings are meant to promote the eating styles most likely to improve health and steer people away from misguided diet plans — like the last-place Dukan diet, a restrictive, high-protein system.

Meanwhile, the Nordic diet — a plant-focused plan that borrows from the Scandinavian tradition — made its first appearance on the list, at number nine. The trendy ketogenic diet (also known as the keto diet), which is very high in fats but low in carbohydrates, moved up to the second-best plan for weight loss.

Here are the other diets that topped the list.

#2: DASH Diet

DASH, which stands for Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension, was specifically designed to lower blood pressure. The plan involves lowering sodium intake and loading up on foods that contain minerals such as potassium, calcium and magnesium, which can help lower blood pressure. Followers are meant to eat mainly fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy, whole grains and moderate amounts of lean protein, while limiting red meat, sweets and fats.

#3: Flexitarian Diet

The diet for “flexible vegetarians” is all about significantly reducing meat intake without cutting it out completely. Eating a mostly plant-based diet is good for weight loss and for lowering the risk of chronic conditions including heart disease, type 2 diabetes and cancer, research shows. The Flexitarian diet also landed on U.S. News’ lists of best diets for healthy eating, diabetes and weight loss.

#4: MIND Diet

The MIND diet (Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay) combines aspects of the DASH and Mediterranean diets, with the goal of improving brain health. Each day, people following this eating plan have at least three servings of whole grains, a salad, another vegetable and a glass of wine. While there’s no guaranteed way to prevent or reverse cognitive decline, experts praise MIND for combining two other healthy eating styles.

#4 (tie): WW

WW — the rebranded eating plan from Weight Watchers — was named fourth best diet overall, best diet for weight loss and best commercial diet. The diet works by assigning point values to foods based on their calorie, sugar, saturated fat and protein content. (Some healthy foods are considered zero points.) Each user is assigned a daily point total, depending on his or her needs and goals, and then logs food throughout the week.

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Healing From Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are never easy. After we find recovery, we often have little or no room left in our lives for the drama that comes with these toxic relationships. Further, even healthy marital and long-term intimate relationships often go through major reconstruction during recovery or face collapsing.



This reconstruction often involves healing past wounds to the relationship, redefining role responsibilities, altering daily rituals of communication, and developing new patterns of sexual intimacy. It also involves shedding self-defeating patterns of speaking and acting toward one another that have often become deeply ingrained during the addiction years. Healing from toxic relationships requires two steps.

Step 1 Evaluate Relationships

Needless to say, the drama and disruption of such relationships can undermine the most sincere recovery efforts. Here are some tools to help you examine your relationships. (You can also download this as worksheet below.)

1. Inventory Your Past Relationships

Are there common patterns to how these relationships begin and end? Are you drawn to partners that also have severe alcohol and/or other drug problems? Do you seem to be drawn to a particular type of partner that ends up hurting you emotionally or physically? Does it feel like you keep re-enacting the same painful dramas in your life?

2. Define Your Part In The Relationship

It is good to get to know yourself as a person in recovery before getting into new relationships. Based on the above inventory, complete the following sentence: I need to avoid getting into relationships with individuals who _____________________________________________.

3. Define Early Warning Signs

It may be helpful to work with a counselor or others who have had similar relationship problems. Warning signs are unique for everyone. These tell me I want to avoid starting a relationship with someone.

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

Early warning signs that tell me I need to get out of a relationship that has begun.

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

4. Consider Going Solo

This is one way to avoid “jumping from the fryingpan into the fire.” Early recovery requires enormous energy. This is a time requiring a great deal of focus on yourself. If you are not in a serious relationship, consider this as a “time-out” period to get yourself together.

5. Determine What You Want

What I am seeking in a relationship is a man or woman who has the following characteristics:

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

6. Seek A Relationship Coach

A counselor, friend or peer in recovery can guide you through your first relationships in recovery.

7. Seek Professional Help As Needed

If you find your old relationship pattern continuing, get into a long-term therapy relationship that focuses on breaking this pattern.

8. Put Safety First

Assertively manage your own safety and the safety of your children at all times.

Here are some principles and prescriptions that might be of help.

Step 2 Place Boundaries
1. Individual Healing Must Precede Relationship Healing

Encourage your partner to get help for herself or himself via counseling or participation in groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon so that he or she can relearn to trust, forgive past injuries, and resist the urge to control your recovery efforts.

2. The Very Thing Everyone Wants—RECOVERY—Can Threaten An Intimate Relationship

Because of all the feelings and patterns of behaviors that developed during the addiction years, the adjustment to recovery can exert great strain on intimate and family relationships. Expect such strain. It is a normal part of the recovery process.

3. Relational Healing Takes Time

Remind yourselves to be patient with one another through this process. All that is wrong with the relationship does not reverse itself the moment recovery begins. The relationship must recover also, and this will proceed, like personal recovery, in ebbs and flows over time.

4. Relational Healing May Take Professional Help

Such help may increase the prospects of successful recovery and the prospects of salvaging the relationship.

5. Some Relationships Aren’t Salvageable

In spite of the best efforts of those involved, not all intimate relationships will survive the recovery process. When it is clear a relationship will not survive, find a way to disengage from the relationship with as little damage to all involved. This disengagement process may also require outside professional help.

For those entering recovery not in a committed relationship, there are the twin pitfalls of getting involved in another relationship too quickly and getting involved in relationships that are destructive to your personal health, safety and recovery. These pitfalls can be a particular problem for those who have come out of a turbulent family background or who have a history of stormy relationships.

The process of selecting intimate partners is complicated by assortative mating. Assortative mating is the process through which we select intimate partners based on similarities or differences with ourselves. This is a natural process, but can get complicated when we’ve developed a pattern of picking individuals who mirror our own destructive processes. Selecting partners that consistently mirror our own problems or abuse and/or abandon us brings chaos and emotional distress to an already fragile situation—early recovery.

Toxic Relationship Inventory Worksheet – Click To Download

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20 Warning Signs Of Co-Dependency

Co-Dependency is common in families with addiction and substance abuse. There are many degrees of co-dependency. The severity of the condition is variable, and the intensity of symptoms vary. Warning signs help you be aware of a relationship problem you need to address.

Not everyone experiencing the symptoms below suffers from codependency, however. These 20 questions may indicate an other type of family disfunction, but still signal that you may need help to start feeling better.

20 Warning Signs

Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
When significant others spend time with friends, do you feel rejected?
Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
Have you ever felt inadequate?
Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
When your child or spouse makes a mistake, do you feel humiliation?
Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
Is it difficult for you to talk to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
Is it difficult for you to ask for help?
Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency. Or, check out Al-Anon.org to learn about co dependency in families with addiction.

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Managing Mental Health And Addiction Is Resilience

It’s a funny thing when you write about your own mental health. On the one hand, I do so because I have certain insights into all of this that might make my point of view helpful to some people. On the other hand, making my own life public doesn’t come without a price, so I want to be clear about something.

My recovery, and my ongoing work to understand mental health and how to manage it has not made me weak or fragile, it’s made me stronger and more resilient.

Having the capacity to fight through the tough times has created a foundation of survival, strength and purpose. It’s allowed me to feel confident in myself and my capacity to take care of myself. I’d even go so far to say as it’s helped me become more successful in how I handle my professional life and personal relationships. I’ve often thought if I was ever a captive of war, they wouldn’t be able to break me. That probably sounds weird, but what I mean is, I stand for something. I stand for myself and my well-being, and in my own mind, that’s pushed me closer to seeing myself as a soldier, not a victim.

When I write about the fragility of mental health and how quickly one can get knocked off their stability, I’m trying to help people understand why education and being vigilant about one’s health and wellness is so important. I’m making a point about valuing health and wellness as a goal as much as we value the other goals we set for ourselves. 

When I read the stories about suicides in the news it’s always the same – he pushed himself too hard, she wasn’t getting help for troubles she was having, an addiction had returned and taken hold – maybe even for someone who had had lots of recovery.

That’s why we must pay attention. That is why we have to ask our loved ones who push themselves so hard, are you OK? Do you need to stop for a while? We need to create lifestyles where it’s acceptable to take care of one’s mind, body and soul.

If you get cancer, no one questions a leave of absence at work. AND, they send flowers. Why are we still in a world where when mental issues, or addiction issues return, we have to hide it and be afraid of losing our jobs? And trust me, no one sends flowers.

It’s my belief that people who are brave enough to try and deal with their addictions or mental health issues are the strongest of all. We are a group of people willing to look at ourselves, our issues, our pasts and try and make sense of it—all while building a newer, safer world to live in. I’m sure many will disagree with me, but in some cases, I believe when we see people taking their own lives or dying of drugs and alcohol there is a failure in the system around them. We have compliance departments in companies to ensure financial regulations are followed, we have human resources to hire and help with roles, so where are the company therapists? Where are the health and wellness guidelines?

That is why we must normalize talking about mental health and addiction recovery. So, when people are in trouble, they don’t feel scared to say something to the people around them who may be able to help.

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Explore Life In Recovery

Ready to make 2019 the year of recovery support? Here you can relax and explore resources and information at your own pace no matter where you are on your recovery journey. Daily recovery support helps us slow down, appreciate every day, and turn the corner. So, if something in your life needs a change only you can make, you’re in the right place. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be OK.

Welcome To Reach Out Recovery

ROR has more than 4 million visitors last year, and we continue to grow. Our mission is to make you comfortable with recovery, enjoy the lifestyle that can restore your peace and serenity, and keep you inspired every single day. We search for the latest recovery tips, facts, and tools. Then we translate that information for you into easy to understand content.

We’re not therapists or a treatment center. We will not track you down and stage an intervention. When you browse our website, you are safe. So relax, get comfy and keep coming back for the life you want to have.

Where To Start Your Recovery Support

To help you navigate our massive website, here are some great articles and resources to get you through the first few hours, then days, then weeks, then before you know it months of feeling better, getting better and…flourishing in your life.

1. How To Regulate In Recovery

We joke around about HALT, the acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, but it was created as a reminder for a reason. 100% of my recovery is 100% affected by how I regulate myself. Let me explain, one of the things that became crystal clear as the years passed in recovery was that when I followed a healthy lifestyle, my life/recovery was easier to manage. (Keep Reading…)

2. Healing From Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are never easy. After we find recovery, we often have little or no room left in our lives for the drama that comes with these toxic relationships. Further, even healthy marital and long-term intimate relationships often go through major reconstruction during recovery or face collapsing. (Keep Reading…)

3. Recovery Results Appreciate The Progress

How can we measure recovery results? I used to work for someone who would regularly remark, “I really don’t care how hard someone is trying, I only care about the results they get me.” This may be a good line of thinking when it comes to business performance, but it doesn’t apply to addiction recovery and mental health progress. To be realistic about it, trying hard in recovery doesn’t mean you won’t relapse, or deal with other missteps, but it does usually lead to improvement. See, the recovery results are in progress, even when it’s slow. (Keep Reading…)

4. What Have You Done For You Lately?

By the time we find recovery, most of us realize what we were doing before wasn’t working. And many of us are ready to make drastic changing in the people, places, and things related to our downfall, but where to start? And how do we keep that up? Doing a weekly recovery check-up helps you monitor your progress and add new healthy activities to your week. (Keep Reading…)

5. Managing Mental Health And Addiction Is Resilience

It’s a funny thing when you write about your own mental health. On the one hand, I do so because I have certain insights into all of this that might make my point of view helpful to some people. On the other hand, making my own life public doesn’t come without a price, so I want to be clear about something. My recovery, and my ongoing work to understand mental health and how to manage it has not made me weak or fragile, it’s made me stronger and more resilient. (Keep Reading…)

6. Top Five Areas For Recovery Healing

Recovery healing is an exciting concept that is just now gaining momentum. For those new to recovery, it may seem that not using means you’re in recovery. And further, that life and relationships can be restored just by the absence of doing whatever substance or behavior was out of control. Those in long term recovery, however, know that recovery healing is a balanced lifestyle with these five components all in place and working together. (Keep Reading…)

7. Holiday Sobriety Survival Guide

Your holiday sobriety needs support. Unless you are the only person on earth with a totally sane, sober family and friends, you will be confronted with things like:People enjoying alcoholic drinks (or watermelon) that you once loved as well and family discussing things that push your buttons. (Keep Reading…)

8. Dear 20-Year Old Me

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wish I knew at my darkest times what I know now, six years sober. I wish I could go back to my 20 year-old younger struggling self and tell her what would happen if she continued on her path of destruction. I’d love to hold her hand, to comfort her, and give her some coping strategies for her overwhelming life—a life she just can’t make sense of. I’d love to tell her that it wasn’t her fault—that she was primed for this path—and that she could learn to love herself enough to stop her harmful and addictive behaviors. (Keep Reading…)

9. Five Recovery Lessons I Learned About Myself

Recovery lessons are tough to learn. Since I’ve been working on these lessons for two decades, I have had some time to think about recovery, and what I’ve learned about myself.  Here’s what recovery work revealed about me that I didn’t know at 21, or even 30. (Keep Reading…)

10. Poor Body Image Led To Substance Use

Poor body image plagued me since childhood. I’ve always been the big girl. In pre-school, I compared the size of my thighs to the next girl next to me. In middle school I was put on a diet. Finally by my teens, I discovered the miracle cure: drugs. For the next twenty years, I used drugs control my poor body image. (Keep Reading…)

Keep Learning

Many of our visitors begin in one of these popular categories:

Abuse
Adult Children Of Alcoholics
Boundaries
Codependency
Grief
Family
Relationships

Connect With Us On Facebook And YouTube

We also have a fabulous Facebook page that is updated daily. We post links to our new articles, inspirational quotes, some fun memes, and heartwarming videos. It’s a respite from the dirt and grime of everyday life, and it’s a great place to find other people who have been through similar problems. We’re also on Youtube. You can visit the ROR Youtube channel to see our history in 72 videos, from 11 seconds to 24 minutes.

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Co-Dependent In Someone Else’s Kitchen

For years, if someone was treating me badly, I tried to win them over and make them be nice. To do this, I set out a plate of my freshly baked homemade cookies.  But I refused to let anyone else take care of me. I had no idea what a healthy boundary was. Last month, I finally said yes to something good.

I Said Yes To The Bad

In the past, I spent several hours a week talking on the phone with my mother-in-law. I didn’t want to talk that often for that long, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by cutting the conversation short. Instead, I hurt myself by not having enough time to do what I needed. Another unhealthy yes was when my tenants wanted a dog. I didn’t want them to have one, but I said yes anyway. Again, I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I was also afraid they would leave, and I needed their rental income. Several thousand dollars in damages later, I was the only one hurt. These are just two of the many ways I used to say “Yes” out of fear or guilt.

How I Set A Boundary With No

I was really good at saying “No” to dinner invitations with friends and family. My son was a very busy little boy, and I couldn’t control him. I didn’t want to hear anybody complain about him because I knew I was too pleasing to stand up to criticism. For the same reasons, I also declined free babysitting and play dates. I was terrified to let people into our world, so only a few persistent people made it in. Saying no to relationships was a way to keep myself safe.

I Had A Lot Of Good Excuses

I rationalized my behavior in many different ways:

Being overprotective of my son because we adopted him
Also being overprotective of my son because of his extreme ADHD
My strict Baptist up-bringing told me to put others first
As the oldest child, naturally I’m over-responsible

The real reason I did this:

I saw myself as less than everybody else. That distorted reality shaped every decision I made. My crazy behaviors were really a defense mechanism.

When Hurricane Irma beared down on our condo, we were forced to evacuate. We loaded our car with the essentials and headed north. No hotel rooms were to be found. Anywhere. So, we drove through the night to my family’s home in Tennessee. Hotel-less, tired, and hungry, I had no choice but to accept my cousin Greg’s invitation to stay with him.

Why Saying “Yes” Was Easier

In the last two and a half years of recovery, I learned three big lessons:

Boundaries aren’t only about keeping the bad out. A healthy boundary lets the good in.
I am equal to everyone else. So is my son.
My son’s behavior doesn’t define me. He doesn’t have to be perfect and neither do I.

Staying with my cousin was my first adventure in traveling with boundaries. Greg set the tone for a great visit by spending some time alone in his room on the first night. This was a win win. Greg had a private sanctuary from Hurricane Carver, and I didn’t feel obligated to be engaging or “on” the whole visit. During our stay, we made some wonderful memories with Greg. My husband, son, and I also enjoyed a day exploring on our own. One night, Greg treated us by fixing dinner. He made chicken parmesan, which is something I often cook for my family. This comfort food, served from the comfort of someone else’s kitchen, hit the spot.

Greg’s Parmesan Chicken

I must admit, his was a little better than mine. He baked the chicken at a higher temperature, so the topping was browned to perfection.

Ingredients:

Four boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 cup of mayonaise
1/2 cup of parmesan cheese

Bake at 425 degrees for about 20 minutes, until chicken is done. I use a meat thermometer to check the temperature. We served his chicken with a salad and a baguette of pretzel bread I picked up at the grocery store. Sharing a meal, sharing kindness, and sharing a space led to many happy memories. I’m so glad I said “Yes.”

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My First AA Meeting

Family members of those in recovery don’t often think an AA meeting might be for them, too.  As a family member myself, I know the state of panic we feel when when our loved ones start their recovery journey, usually with a 12 Step Program.

The language of the 12 steps doesn’t make sense to us, and we don’t think the family might play a part in what’s happening. So why subject yourself to an AA or Al-anon meeting?

It’s Easier Not To Do The AA Research

As a journalist and mystery writer, I was used to doing research. I knew all about addiction from the law enforcement side. My novels showed the kinds of crimes that could result from substance Use Disorder. When my own loved one became addicted, however, I didn’t do the research. I was an educated person and, I thought, I was a good and caring Mom. I simply couldn’t believe that addiction (think crazy homeless people under the bridge and a lot worse) might happen to someone in my own family. It was unthinkable. I wasn’t attending any meetings to explore how I would feel, or what I would do if it got a lot worse. I just hoped and prayed it wouldn’t.

Addiction Is Scary Recovery Is Too

Addiction is so frightening that a parent or spouse or daughter or son can remain in denial for a long time, even forever.

Family members also tend to think if only their loved ones receive treatment, or stop using, life will return to normal.

The addiction dynamic, however, doesn’t go away simply because someone stops using. The causes and the wreckage of addiction need to be dealt with, too. The family needs to get involved, each in his or her own way.

My 12 Step Research

It was only after my loved ones went into recovery (for maybe the tenth time) that I began my own research and recovery journey. Whether my child recovered or not, this time I needed some help restoring my own life. I started by attending an open AA meeting. I wanted to know what it feels like to give up the thing you love most and then have to live in a world that’s all about drinking. It took me 15 years to be willing to learn.

My First AA Meeting

I didn’t walk into a room full of strangers as I hoped I would. As a local person and a magazine writer, I knew people in that AA church group. They were surprised to see me. I hadn’t told anyone about addiction in my family, and I wasn’t known as a big drinker. What was I doing at AA?

I Called It Research

At that AA meeting I heard some interesting things, and wanted to know more. Wanting to know more is what journalists do. Things always occur to me when I visit prison, or when I attended to civilian police academy, or learned how to shoot a gun. At AA it occurred to me that not drinking myself might give me some more insight into the nature of addiction and sobriety. I also thought my not drinking might create a new bond between me and loved ones who were struggling with substance abuse.

Curiosity Is A Great Thing

I took a chip to see what it would feel like and made a commitment not to have a martini or a glass of wine—well, maybe not forever, but for three months or so. Call me shallow, I also thought I might lose some weight. For me it was like giving something up for Lent. Except it was in August, and it has lasted for a decade on August 25, 2018. I wasn’t a heavy drinker, but sobriety opened my eyes to the benefits of a different kind of life. Personal research brought me and my family together and taught us a new way of communicating. I’d say that was a benefit I wasn’t expecting.

Recovery Works Is The Message

Family members do sometimes attend AA meetings, but many have never been to one. For me, the encounter with AA led to an exploration of Al-Anon. There I learned a lot more about the addiction family dynamic and leading a healthier, happier life. And that’s how my passion for recovery education began. Years ago, I would not have dared to show the faces you see above because the principle of anonymity made coming out a no no.  And there was the stigma. But not now. This is what recovery in a family looks like. Some 23 million Americans are in some form of recovery. We love and salute you all.

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Essential Science: Pathway To Alcohol Addiction Discovered

From Digital Journal:

Researchers have been looking at the biochemical processes involved with alcohol addiction and they have succeeded in identifying the pathway involved. This could assist with the treatment of alcohol related addiction.

The new study, from Brown University (U.S.), has been conducted on the brains of fruit flies (which serve as the deal model for studying many processes in all organisms, including humans). The research reveals the pathway affected by alcohol. This pathway is the one that establishes rewarding memories and cravings. 

Rewarding memories

The basis of the research was to help to understand how certain drugs, be that narcotics or alcohol, create rewarding memories in people, notwithstanding their neurotoxic effects. It was also helped that the research would help to provide an insight into addiction and treating the effects of alcohol abuse. A big challenge in treating addiction is the possibility of relapse. This can occur even after a period of abstinence. This is due to the ‘reward memory’ that is retained. 

Why fruit flies?

By studying fruit flies (of the species Drosophila melanogaster), the research could be conduced more quickly. A good model organism shares, on the molecular level, many similar features and pathways with humans. The fruit fly has, at 60 percent, of a group of readily identified genes that are found in a diverse set of human diseases.With the specific research, the brains of fruit flies have similar avoidance and reward memories generated by molecular signals that are analogous to those found in humans.

Identifying the pathway

With the study, the researchers were able to deactivate specific genes in the fruit flies as they were being taught where to locate alcohol. By observing the response of the flies, this enabled the researchers to identify the proteins that were essential for generating rewarding memories.

This led to the discovery that the Notch protein, which affects the signaling cascade involved in the expression of the dopamine-2-like receptor protein, was vital for installing a predilection for alcohol. As lead researcher Dr. Karla Kaun tells Future Science: “The dopamine-2-like receptor is known to be involved in encoding whether a memory is pleasing or aversive.”As to what this means for people, Kaun explains: “If this works the same way in humans, one glass of wine is enough to activate the pathway, but it returns to normal within an hour…After three glasses, with an hour break in between, the pathway doesn’t return to normal after 24 hours. We think this persistence is likely what is changing the gene expression in memory circuits.” It is hoped this finding can assist with future addiction treatment.

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Co-parenting With Love

Because parental alienation has been recognized as damaging to children, learning to co-parent with love is becoming an important part of divorce. In some states, like Colorado, couples with children are required to complete a co-parenting course.

Co-parenting Can End Dysfunction

When a marriage with irreconcilable differences dissolves, the rules of the marital household should vanish with it. Have you ever seen the fighting and pain that is carried into new relationships after divorce? Then you know how important it is to put the old marital dysfunction aside and learn a new way to get along. After all, there are different rules when married and divorced. Take dating: this is a no-no when you’re married, but perfectly acceptable when you’re divorced. The same should hold true for parenting rules.

Co-parenting Keeps The Focus On The Children

Co-parenting with love is a beautiful response to the reality of divorce. It is a way for parents to approach the challenges of raising children together,  even though they’ve chosen not to live together. It keeps the focus on the children and away from the blame game that often contributes to

communication breakdowns and hard feelings.

Both Parents Need A Voice

Co-parenting as divorced parents allows each parent the opportunity to have his/her voice heard in the realm of rules and boundaries for the children. Often, there is a “my way or the highway” parenting tone

that existed in the marriage where one spouse’s parenting style took a backseat – or was discounted altogether. Not being heard in a marriage is often cause of the break-up. Not being heard in divorce means more turmoil and unhappiness.

Co-parenting With Love Makes Parents Grow Up

Inconsistent discipline and routines, negative comments about the other parent and/or the other parent’s style of parenting, avoiding communication with the other parent, an unwillingness to compromise and using the child to “punish” the other parent are tactics that can get in the way of successful co-parenting.

A New Foundation For Healthy Families

Successful co-parenting ends the unhealthy dynamics of  a failed relationship. With new understanding and commitment to children, there is room to create a new healthy relationship that benefits all involved. With co-parenting skills, children learn about commitment, responsibility and selflessness as they watch two adults willing to work together on their behalf. Children find safety and security in the consistent routine and rules of co-parenting. It’s a win-win.

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