Leslie Glass's Blog, page 302

Doing the Next Right Thing in Recovery

From Psychology Today:

A conversation with young mothers moving forward in recovery.

Recently a different kind of café opened in my community and everyone, from staff to volunteers to customers, is doing the next right thing. It’s a place where if you pay more than the established price for a meal (a small plate is $7 to $9 and a large one is $10 to $12),  the extra money goes toward a meal for someone who cannot afford to pay. Instead of a handout, it’s a hand up. The atmosphere in a refurbished Methodist church is warm and welcoming. The food is locally sourced with fresh produce grown in a 9,000 foot urban garden. And everyone who works at the café is in long-term recovery. Here’s a place where they’re welcomed and can make a contribution. The resident barista is a recovering addict with 19 months clean.

I frequent the café often and wanted to learn more about the women who work there part time while participating in a local residential treatment program. As the mother of an adult son in recovery, I was interested in learning about their interactions with family and close friends. Two young women in their early 30s volunteered to talk with me between their shifts.

The Heartbreak of Addiction

Both began abusing drugs and alcohol at early ages. As with most adolescents who abuse substances it began as a fun with friends, party thing to do, but soon escalated and became a problem that spun out of control. Both had experienced abuse as children: one physical and the other verbal. Both women have young children and had to surrender guardianship. They are living with the judgment that they are unfit to be mothers.

Today five daughters (one women has two; the other three) all under the age of twelve live with their grandmothers. This isn’t uncommon.  It’s  estimated that over a million grandparents are raising children due to the opioid epidemic.

They spoke honestly of job losses, jail and prison sentences, homelessness, prostitution, several failed rehab attempts, and most painfully, losing custody of their children.

Enable or Let Go

One of the most challenging parts of dealing with a loved one’s substance abuse involves enabling. I shared my own experiences of riding the emotional roller coaster between enabling and letting go and asked how this played out with them. Did their moms and dads enable? Or did they let go completely? (The fathers of both women were out of the picture.) One said that she manipulated her mother by asking for money to purchase items like clothing or medicine for her children. Instead, she used the money for drugs. Eventually her mother wised up and agreed to purchase needed items but refused to give her any money directly. She also refused to provide funds for phone calls and incidentals while her daughter was in prison. However, both admitted that often they could manipulate their grandmothers. (This can causes family members to disagree on how best to handle the situation when their loved one is actively abusing substances.) One of the moms  participated in Al Anon meetings and did her best to “keep her spoon in her own bowl.” But it wasn’t easy. However, when the young women decided to seek help and reclaim their lives, their mothers jumped in with support. The fact  that both moms are raising their daughters’ children speaks volumes about love, forgiveness, compassion and the strength of family bonds. (For information on how to help but not enable)

Recovery is Possible

As our talk came to a close I asked each of them how they planned to make amends to their families. Both said that they will successfully complete their residential programs, work hard to maintain their recovery and regain trust so that they can reclaim their children and provide them with healthy lives. One ended with this: “I can make my living amends but doing the next right thing.”

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Mindfulness Practice Reduces Relapse Risk

From Psychology Today:

Mindfulness training and meditation reduces alcohol and drug relapse risk

Many studies show that regular mindfulness training can modify these neural mechanisms resulting in decreased substance use and lower risk of relapsing. Research findings suggest that substance abuse is related to abnormal functioning of brain mechanisms underlying reward learning and executive functioning (Priddy 2018).

Individuals who successfully avoid relapse while participating in a 12-step program frequently experience increases in spirituality (Mathew 1996). Mindfulness training and meditation are standard offerings in relapse prevention programs. Transcendental meditation may be especially effective in reducing the risk of relapse in abstinent alcoholics (Alexander 1994). Mindfulness training and spirituality are important parts of 12-step programs for relapse prevention of alcohol, tobacco and narcotic abuse, however evidence does not support any particular spiritual or mindfulness practice over any other. 12-step programs that emphasize a religious or spiritual philosophy may be more effective compared to spiritually neutral programs (Muffler 1995) (Please see full citation information below).

Two recent systematic reviews concluded that mindfulness-based interventions were successful for reducing use of several substances of abuse including alcohol, methamphetamine, cocaine, alcohol, marijuana, cigarettes and opiates while often improving mood (Sancho 2018; Chiesa 2014). The paper by Sancho et al found that individuals who engage in regular mindfulness practice while receiving treatment as usual (i.e., cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication management), report lower relapse rates compared to individuals using mindfulness or conventional approaches alone.

Bottom line

There is considerable evidence that a regular mindfulness practice helps individuals with substance use problems to use less, and reduces the risk of relapse in abstinent individuals. Recovering alcoholics and addicts should be encouraged to pursue a mindfulness practice consistent with their beliefs and to consider attending a spiritually focused support group that combines conventional approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy with mindfulness.

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Breathe To Manage Emotions

Help your children calm down and manage emotions. And breathing may help you to calm down, too. From Yoga Journal

Learn useful techniques to help children deal with emotions.

Have you ever tried to tell a child to calm down? Or a group of children? You may be able to get them to quiet down, but usually whatever was going on is still right there at the surface. To actually help them gain perspective and shift their emotional state requires internal resources they may still be developing. This is where mindfulness practices and resiliency go hand in hand.

For children, when ‘big feelings’ such as anger, frustration or sadness arise, the experience can be overwhelming. Under stress, our body moves into ‘fight or flight or freeze’ mode. Regardless of the threat (real or imagined) our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shallow and other changes happen to manage the challenge at hand. This is helpful if we are actually escaping a lion, but the stress response is the same even if what we are ‘handling’ is not understanding the directions in class, feeling left out or having to share. It is incredibly empowering to give children a way to move themselves out of these reactive, and at times all-encompassing states, and back to the more relaxed feeling of ‘rest and digest.’

The first step for children in developing more skilled responses is learning how to pause and be aware of what they are feeling. When children are able to identify how they feel and feel it, without rushing to react, they are practicing resiliency in action. When they can choose a response, they have a lot more options.

There are very simple tools that kids can start using immediately to build those inner resources. It is important to practice each of these when children are relaxed so that they can use them comfortably when they need them.

For all of us, the fastest way to shift the stress response is by slowing down and focusing on the breath. The following four breathing exercises can help a child access more ease and clarity in any situation. (The good news is, these ancient techniques work equally well at any age.)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

MARIAM GATES is the bestselling author of Good Night Yoga and Good Morning Yoga(Sounds True, 2015 and 2016), and has a new book titled, Breathe with Me: Using Breath to Feel Strong, Calm, and Happy (Sounds True, January 2019). She holds a master’s degree in education from Harvard University, and through her books and Kid Power Yoga classes, is a well-known innovator of childhood yoga instruction. Mariam lives in Northern CA with her two children and husband, Rolf Gates. Visit kidpoweryoga.com.

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The Science Behind Exercise and Depression

From Time Ask anyone who’s ever felt better after a workout, and they’ll tell you that exercise and mental health are related. Science backs up that gut feeling. Many studies have found that physical activity is linked to a lower risk of developing depression, and better outcomes for people who have it.

But does exercise actually prevent depression, or are people who don’t have depression simply more likely to be active?

A new study, published in JAMA Psychiatry, sheds some light on that question. Using genetic data from more than 600,000 adults enrolled in multiple genomic association studies, researchers found “more evidence than ever before that physical activity does play an important, and likely causal, role in reducing risk for depression,” says Karmel Choi, a clinical and research fellow in psychiatric and neurodevelopmental genetics at Massachusetts General Hospital and a co-author of the study.

The researchers looked at one or more of several different measures: people’s genomes, their medical histories of depression and depressive symptoms and how much physical activity they got (as measured by wearable fitness trackers and self reports). Comparing this information, they identified several gene variants linked to a person’s likelihood to exercise, and others associated with a person’s likelihood of developing depression.

People who had genetic markers linked to a greater likelihood of exercising were less likely to develop depression, but people with markers of depression were not less likely to exercise. This finding, they say, suggests that exercise can protect against depression, but depression does not inherently make someone less likely to exercise.

“Physical activity is good for a lot of things,” says co-author Dr. Jordan Smoller, director of the Psychiatric and Neurodevelopmental Genetics Unit at Massachusetts General Hospital. “It may have benefits not only for all kinds of aspects of your health, but also, it looks like, your risk of developing depression.”

The new research is only the latest study to say that exercise may prevent depression. Here’s what else the science says about how exercise affects mental health.

Exercise may improve depression treatment

Exercise is not a cure for mental health issues, and depression itself can be an obstacle to getting enough physical activity. (Despite the findings of the JAMA study, plenty of anecdotal evidence suggests that many people with depression do find it difficult to exercise, for reasons including antidepressant side effects like fatigue and weight gain, and how difficult it can be to find the energy to exercise.)

But while exercise is not a perfect solution for depression, studies have shown that it can make a difference. One 2018 review of studies found that physical activity — specifically resistance training, like weight-lifting — can reduce symptoms of depression, perhaps even as effectively as conventional treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy and medication for some people. Other studies have found that virtually any type of workout, from cardio to yoga, can lessen depressive symptoms.

It’s still unclear how exercise may achieve these effects, but researchers have theories. Rigorous workouts, like weight-lifting and running, may increase blood flow to the brain, potentially altering its structure and cellular makeup. Exercise can also trigger the release of mood-boosting endorphins. Yoga’s emphasis on breath work and mindfulness may also play a part.

You don’t have to exercise a lot to see a difference

Research is finding that even small amounts of exercise improve both physical and mental health. “If instead of sitting down for 15 minutes you ran for 15 minutes, or if instead of sitting down for an hour you walked briskly for an hour, that’s the level of activity that might actually make a difference,” says Stoller, co-author of the new JAMA study.

Using data from more than 1.2 million U.S. adults, a large study from 2018 found that people could achieve better mental wellbeing by doing as little as two hours of exercise each week (about 20 minutes per day). It even said that doing too much exercise — more than six hours per week — may backfire psychologically. One study from 2017 came to an even more doable conclusion: that just an hour of exercise a week may be enough to prevent depression.

Your workout doesn’t have to be brutal

Finding the motivation to exercise can be easier if you expand the definition of what it means to be active.

Choi, the JAMA study co-author, says that even “things like taking the stairs, or walking to the store, or washing dishes, or putting away laundry” — which people might not view as exercise — “could add up together to have beneficial effects on depression.”

In a 2017 study, light exercise like walking was actually more beneficial to mental health than vigorous exercise. The recently updated federal physical activity guidelines also say that all types of movement can contribute to meaningful physical and mental health benefits, even if they’re accumulated in tiny chunks.

If getting to the gym feels like a herculean task, start small. Even a short walk can put you on the path to better mental health.

From Time

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Adult Children Of Alcoholics: Dealing With The Laundry List Of Dysfunction

When you grow up with alcoholism and addiction, family members have only one objective: keep the addiction secret at all costs. This sworn duty to lie, deny, and protect has 14 long-term affects. Many children of alcoholics bring these childhood behaviors into their adult relationships with a strange paradox. It’s almost impossible to relate their present day problems back to their past.

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of Adult Children Of Alcoholics

Written by Tony, A. in 1978, this timeless list best describes the issues many adult children of alcoholics face:

We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.We became addicted to excitement.We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.


How Do We Take Care Of The Dirty Laundry?

Denial runs deep. It’s almost always easier to minimize, rationalize, or excuse the root cause of our problems. But the truth behind most of our problems often lies somewhere in this list. Taking care of the dirty laundry involves three concise steps.

1. Drag The Entire Mess Out Into The Open

Addiction is a family disease that affects generations.  Working through the dirty laundry of addiction isn’t usually a healthy family activity because many of us are still sworn to secrecy.  Therefore, the best way to recover is to find a recovery program.  Many people find hope and healing in 12 Step programs like Al-Anon, ACA, Nar-Anon, CoDA and Celebrate Recovery. All of these programs are known for welcoming newcomers and showing them the ropes.

2. Sort The Mess Into Smaller Piles

Imagine collecting all of the clothes that a family of five has worn for the last 30 years and cramming them into one small washer? Wouldn’t it be lovely if all of those clothes would fit into one load?

Family dysfunction shapes every aspect of our lives. Critical thinking, problem solving, communication and decision making are all developed in the rickety scaffolding of a shaky foundation. Children’s emotional growth in some areas is often stunted while other areas develop too quickly.

Challenging these life-long habits takes small steps and lots of repetition. Which areas of your life is the most stressful right now? Finances, family life, work, health, relationships? Pick one or two key areas to start talking over with a trusted friend, sponsor, counselor, or accountability partner.

3. Soak, Spot Treat, and Salvage

Picture your favorite white shirt or dress. Now, let’s pretend your neighbor’s dog drug it out of your laundry basket through a pile of mud out in to the street. Then it got run over by a car. As you were reaching down to scoop it up, you accidentally spilled a sippy cup of grape juice and a chocolate mocha on the garment. Would all be lost? Would you love the item any less?

With enough time and special care, there’s an outside chance your favorite item might still be usable. It probably won’t be as perfect as it was in the store, but it can still be worth holding on to. Maybe you’ll be able to re-purpose at least part of the item and give it new life.

The same is true of complicated family relationships. Recovery isn’t a miracle cure, and sometimes it seems like reconciliation will NEVER happen, but don’t give up too soon.  By learning how to detach, set boundaries, and take care of themselves, many adult children can eventually forge a new relationship with their parents. The amount of time spent together might change drastically, as well as safe topics to discuss, but many can learn to salvage some small part of the relationship.

 

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It’s Not Too Late To Keep Your Resolutions (Or Even Start Over!)

We’re rapidly approaching the second month of 2019, so it’s the perfect time to ask: How is your resolve doing? Are the habit changes you have taken on starting to take hold? Or…not so much?

According to Inc.com, the most popular resolutions for 2019 are:

Diet or eat healthier
Exercise more
Lose weight
Save more and spend less
Learn a new skill or hobby
Quit smoking
Read more
Find another job
Drink less
Spend more time with friends

Many of the items on this year’s list were also on the 2018 list. So, why are we re-resolving to change the same habits year after year?

Apps And Tools Aren’t Enough

There’s no lack of information available on any of the resolutions on the list – there are books, apps, seminars and workshops, support groups, organizations (YMCA, health clubs, MOGs, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Curves, Consumer Credit Counseling), OTC and prescription medication (Chantix, Nicorette, Nicoderm, Hydroxycut, Garcinia Cambogia extract, Meratrim, Orlistat, lorcaserin, Contrave, Saxenda, phentermine) – there’s quite a collection of knowledge out there!

Yet even with all this knowledge available, our resolutions spin endlessly on the merry-go-round every year. And sometimes with determination… as in “THIS year I’m gonna lose weight” or “THIS is my year to quit smoking.” Why?

Here’s The Answer To The Burning Question

The average time for the accountability of a resolution is 6 weeks. The average time for habit change to take hold is 12 weeks. Herein lies the disparity … we give up before our transformation can become a habit. Knowing something doesn’t mean anything more than knowing it.

Knowledge is knowledge, it’s not habit change.

Transformation happens when we get out of our thoughts and into the present. Change is affected in the present moment – a choice to eat a banana instead of a cookie happens when the foods are in front of you and not in your thinking and planning of what you’ll do or eat later.

Resolutions Will Stop Failing When We Keep The Goal In Mind Longer

Perhaps mindfulness should be the goal. We can only focus on one thing at a time, practicing being mindful crowds out being mindless. Mindless eating, spending, drinking, or smoking can be eliminated if we resolve to be mindful, present and focused in the moment. Try it!

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When Parenting Causes Caregiver Stress

The Peace Corps was wrong. Parenting is the toughest job you’ll ever love.  Many of today’s parents are often more involved than ever. Even healthy parents, who aren’t affected by addiction and the horrible dance of enabling, get exhausted. Throw addiction into the mix, and it’s a miracle that we even get out of bed in the morning.

We prevent, advocate, and educate. Some of us are even getting seconds on parenting by raising grandkids. We work hard to do our best, but we crash even harder. When we crash, who’s left standing to pick us up?

Parenting Is Exhausting

When the kids are little, it’s exhausting. They never sleep. And they cry for any number of reasons. What worked to sooth them yesterday no longer works today.

When the kids are teens, it’s exhausting. They always sleep. And they cry for any number of reasons. What worked to sooth them yesterday no longer works today and you can feel them hating you from across the room.

When they are adults, they’re still your kids. They’re out there on their own, making their own choices and you have no control. Until they move back in with you. Then they’re in your house, still making their own choices and you don’t have as much control as you think.

In addition to caring for our children, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving, 44.4 Million Americans provide unpaid care for another adult. They found that one in three caregivers suffer from depression.

What Is Caregiver Stress?

Per Helpguide.org, most caregivers suffer from one or more of these symptoms:

Anxiety, depression, irritability
Feeling tired and run down
Difficulty sleeping
Overreacting to minor nuisances
New or worsening health problems
Trouble concentrating
Feeling increasingly resentful
Drinking, smoking, or eating more
Neglecting responsibilities
Cutting back on leisure activities

Operating under prolonged periods of intense stress puts you at risk for burnout. In recovery, we learn that accepting unacceptable behavior also leads to burnout.

Burnout is a normal response to the imbalance of giving too much of your assets: time, money, love, and energy to others and not enough to yourself.

You may be burnout if:

You have much less energy than you once had.
It seems like you catch every cold or flu that’s going around.
You’re constantly exhausted, even after sleeping or taking a break.
You neglect your own needs, either because you’re too busy or you don’t care anymore.
Your life revolves around caregiving, but it gives you little satisfaction.
You have trouble relaxing, even when help is available.
You’re increasingly impatient and irritable with the person you’re caring for.
You feel helpless and hopeless.

Relieving caregiver stress has one answer: Take a Break! We know we need to, but we refuse. Why?

Four Reasons Why We Settle For Stressed

We may check every box on the burnt-out list, yet many of us still won’t give up. Why? Perhaps one of these 4 reasons apply to you:

Martyrdom – A contemporary definition of martyrdom is, “A display of feigned or exaggerated suffering to obtain sympathy or admiration.” Sometimes the sympathy of exhaustedly caring for another person is the only attention we get.
Fear and Distrust – For adult children of alcoholics or survivors of child abuse, it is almost impossible to ask for help. We are afraid to trust anyone with our feelings, problems, and especially our children.
Addicted to Drama – Drama brings a surge of hormones to which our body can become addicted.
Shame – Raising a rebellious teen isn’t something everyone wants to talk about. Living with addiction is particularly isolating.

What Will Make Us Stop?

We are not machines. We’re people with limitations. We can either do the required preventative maintenance or our bodies will shut down.

That’s what happened to me. When I was 37, my doctor told me I had adrenal fatigue, and I scoffed. I thought it was some fru-fru diagnosis and continued charging through life. I didn’t slow down or ask for help. Nor did I hire a sitter so I could have a break from my small child. My husband and I didn’t go on date nights, and I didn’t take time for myself.

When I was 40, I was hit with excruciating abdominal pain and eventually ended up in the ER. My pain was caused by a large adrenal tumor! After a painful surgery and exhausting recovery, I was forced to stop.

Today, I am slowly getting better about taking time for myself. Recovery teaches me to live one day at a time and enjoy life. I now know many of my past behaviors were caused by my codependency. Sometimes, I still do too much, but when my body insists on a time out, I can embrace the break.

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Fried Food May Be Killing You, A New Study Says. Here Are The Worst Offenders

From Time:

It’s no secret that fried food isn’t good for you. But a new study published in The BMJ details exactly how eating these foods may affect your health over time — and spells out which kinds may be the worst for you.

“People know fried food may have adverse health outcomes, but there is very little scientific evidence to demonstrate what the long-term adverse outcomes are for eating fried foods,” says Dr. Wei Bao, an assistant professor of epidemiology at the University of Iowa College of Public Health and a co-author of the study. “In general, we found that fried food consumption is associated with overall mortality.”

The researchers looked at about 20 years’ worth of data for almost 107,000 older women in the U.S., ages 50-79. All of the women were part of the Women’s Health Initiative study, and they filled out one detailed questionnaire about their dietary habits in the 1990s. Their health was tracked by researchers until 2017, and during that time more than 31,500 people died.

Those who reported eating at least one serving of fried food per day had about an 8% higher chance of dying early, compared to women who said they did not eat any, according to the study. They also had a 8% higher chance of dying specifically from cardiovascular disease.

However, fried food consumption did not seem to correspond to a higher risk of dying from cancer, despite some past research that has connected the two. “We know diet is important for cancer prevention or cancer survival, but not all of the dietary components [seem to be equally important],” Bao says.

Fried chicken and fried fish were more strongly linked to early death than other fried foods, which the researchers grouped in a miscellaneous category including French fries, crackers, tortilla chips and snacks. The strength of the association may be because people simply consume more fried chicken or fish, Bao says, or because of differences in how those foods are prepared. For example, many restaurants reuse oil when they cook foods like fried chicken, which Bao says may increase the number of harmful byproducts transferred to the food. Meats also tend to be more deeply fried than many snack foods.

However, that finding (unfortunately) doesn’t absolve French fries. Since they were lumped into the miscellaneous group, the researchers weren’t able to look specifically at how French fries individually affected health — and it’s possible that their risks were obscured by comparably healthier foods in the “other” category, like crackers or fried plantains, Bao says. Past research has connected French fries to cancer and a higher mortality risk.

Still, Bao says his study is among the first to look at how eating any type of fried food affects mortality risk over time. The only other one he’s aware of, he says, was conducted in Spain in 2012, and did not find a correlation between fried foods and a higher death risk. This may be because more Spanish people prepare their food at home, rather than eating it in restaurants, and choose healthier frying oils, such as olive oil, Bao says.

In the new study, the researchers accounted for factors like medical history, demographics, smoking, drinking habits and overall diet quality, in an effort to isolate the effects of fried foods. But an observational study can a never prove cause and effect, and the authors note that it’s impossible to rule out the impact of other factors that affect health.

Another limitation of the study is that it only assessed dietary habits once, so it didn’t reflect how women may have changed their diets over time. Nonetheless, Bao says he believes that the findings are strong and likely apply to populations other than older women, even though the data did not specifically address other groups.

“We didn’t have any reason why the effects may differ by age, or even by gender,” Bao says. “I would suspect the association may be similar among younger women or even among men.”

Many other studies have linked fried foods to health issues including obesity, Type 2 diabetes and heart disease, but researchers estimate that nearly 40% of Americans eat fast food on any given day.

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This Is What It Means If A Messy Room Stresses You Out

From Men’s Health:

A psychologist explains the link between messiness and anxiety.

Many of us have started the year determined to be more organized: no more drawers full of plastic containers with missing lids, or lone socks. The decluttering craze is led by Japanese tidying aficionado Marie Kondo, author of a New York Times bestseller and host of the Netflix show “Tidying Up.” Charity groups such as St Vincent de Paul are reporting a 38 percent increase in donations, year over year, as we get rid of the clothes, books, and household items that don’t “spark joy” or have a place in our future.

And there is good reason to get on board, whether it’s via the KonMari method, or just having a good clean-out. Clutter can affect our anxiety levels, sleep, and ability to focus. It can also make us less productive, triggering coping and avoidance strategies that make us more likely to snack on junk and watch TV shows (including ones about other people decluttering their lives). My own research shows our physical environments significantly influence our cognition, emotions and subsequent behaviors, including our relationships with others.

Bursting cupboards and piles of paper stacked around the house may seem harmless enough. But research shows disorganization and clutter have a cumulative effect on our brains. Our brains like order, and constant visual reminders of disorganisation drain our cognitive resources, reducing our ability to focus. The visual distraction of clutter increases cognitive overload and can reduce our working memory.

In 2011, neuroscience researchers using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) and other physiological measurements found clearing clutter from the home and work environment resulted in a better ability to focus and process information, as well as increased productivity. Clutter can make us feel stressed, anxious and depressed. Research from the United States in 2009, for instance, found the levels of the stress hormone cortisol were higher in mothers whose home environment was cluttered.

A chronically cluttered home environment can lead to a constant low-grade fight or flight response, taxing our resources designed for survival. This response can trigger physical and psychological changes that affect how we fight bugs and digest food, as well as leaving us at greater risk of type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Clutter might also have implications for our relationships with those around us. A 2016 US study, for instance, found background clutter resulted in participants being less able to correctly interpret the emotional expressions on the faces of characters in a movie.

And surprisingly, it doesn’t go away when we finally get to bed. People who sleep in cluttered rooms are more likely to have sleep problems, including difficulty falling asleep and being disturbed during the night. Multiple studies have found a link between clutter and poor eating choices. Disorganized and messy environments led participants in one study to eat more snacks, eating twice as many cookies than participants in an organized kitchen environment.

Other research has shown that being in a messy room will make you twice as likely to eat a chocolate bar than an apple. Finally, people with extremely cluttered homes are 77 percent more likely to be overweight. Tidy homes have been found to be a predictor of physical health. Participants whose houses were cleaner were more active and had better physical health, according to another study.

Buying more and more things we think we need, and then not getting rid of them, is an actual disorder in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V). According to DSM-V, those with hoarding disorder compulsively acquire possessions on an ongoing basis and experience anxiety and mental anguish when they are thrown away.

A Yale study using fMRI showed that for people who have hoarding tendencies, discarding items can cause actual pain in regions of the brain associated with physical pain. Areas of the brain were activated that are also responsible for the pain you feel when slamming a finger in a door or burning your hand on the stove.

People who suspect they have hoarding disorder can take heart: cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be an effective treatment. Participants in Marie Kondo’s Netflix show Tidying Up report that her decluttering method changes their lives for the better. Indeed, her first book was called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

Research does indeed show cluttered home environments negatively influence the perception of our homes, and ultimately our satisfaction of life. The study authors note the strong effect is because we define “home” not just as a place to live, but as:

the broader constellation of experiences, meanings, and situations that shape and are actively shaped by a person in the creation of his or her lifeworld.

But it seems clutter isn’t always bad. One study showed messy desks can make us more creative. The findings suggested neat, ordered environments make us more likely to conform to expectations and play it safe, while messy ones move us to break with the norm and look at things in a new way.

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Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? Here’s What To Do

From Health.com:

Four years ago, Deborah J. Cohan went to her primary-care doctor with excruciating pain throughout her midsection. “I wasn’t able to stand up straight. Eating and going to the bathroom were uncomfortable,” Cohan, who lives in South Carolina, tells Health. She had a hunch it was gynecological, but her doctor dismissed the idea. Declaring it to be back pain, she prescribed Cohan muscle relaxants.

They didn’t work. Neither did over-the-counter pain relief, ice, heat, chiropractic care, or stretching.

A few days later, Cohan’s pain was so bad, she went to the ER. But instead of getting help, she only encountered more pushback.

The doctor on duty confidently announced that Cohan had uterine fibroids. When she pointed out that she didn’t have a uterus anymore—it had been removed in that same hospital the year before—“the doctor was adamant I was mistaken,” she remembers.

Not until Cohan’s ob-gyn came onto the scene was the right diagnosis finally made. Cohan’s ovaries had twisted and fallen from their normal position—a condition called ovarian torsion. It’s considered a medical emergency and, if left untreated, can be fatal.

After immediate surgery to remove both her ovaries, Cohan recuperated quickly. Still, “this experience confirmed what I’ve long believed,” she says. “Women need to embrace, trust, own, and protect their own bodies.”

In other words, doctors won’t always do that for you. In fact, your doctor might even try to gaslight you.

“Gaslighting” happens when one person tries to convince another to second-guess their instincts and doubt their perception that something is real. Medical gaslighting happens when health-care professionals downplay or blow off symptoms you know you’re feeling and instead try to convince you they’re caused by something else—or even that you’re imagining them.

A disconnect—or disrespect?

As the #MeToo movement continues to bring allegations of sexual harassment and sexual assault into the daylight, it’s illuminating another unsettling gender-based offense: how women’s health issues often go ignored, undertreated, or misdiagnosed by doctors.

“It’s a true phenomenon,” G. Thomas Ruiz, MD, lead ob-gyn at MemorialCare Orange Coast Medical Center in Fountain Valley, California, tells Health. “Gender bias is a harsh opinion as to why [it happens], but there’s some pretty good research to support that.”

Granted, some gynecological disorders, like endometriosis, are notoriously tricky to diagnose. But it’s not just women’s health issues that doctors tend to downplay.

For instance, women with heart disease are prescribed less medicine and offered surgery less often than men. Women are also less likely to get treatment for conditions ranging from strokes to knee pain, researchers reported in Critical Care Nurse. Go to the ER with severe stomach pain? You’ll wait 65 minutes to get help vs. the 49 minutes it takes for men to be offered pain relief, according to a study in Academic Emergency Medicine.

“Because of the ubiquity of the message—that pain is a normal part of womanhood or girlhood—we have a systemic, societal problem where we all, doctors included, aren’t good at sorting out the normal from the abnormal for women’s health,” Erin Jackson, a healthcare attorney and founder of Inspire Santé, a pelvic pain nonprofit organization, tells Health. “Women’s veracious complaints of symptoms or illness may be labeled as whiny, and we don’t trust women to be the experts in their bodies’ experiences and autonomy.”

‘Being told that I was fine was terrifying’

Jackson knows this firsthand. For 10 years, she was told by physicians that her “stabbing, burning, and tingling” pelvic pain was nothing to worry about. Despite severe cramps, vulvar swelling, and aches in her lower back, “I was told nothing was wrong or encouraged to seek psychiatric care,” she says. “Being told I was fine was terrifying.”

Desperate for answers, Jackson consulted with a “double digit” number of doctors. Many insisted she was perfectly healthy, assured her that her pain was “just bad periods,” or urged her to better manage her stress.

“I’ve never felt so scared as when I was in the ER and felt that, because the doctor wasn’t listening to me, the doctor couldn’t help me—but there was nowhere else to go,” Jackson says.

After finally finding a doctor who didn’t think her pain was all in her head and referred her to a pelvic floor physical therapist, she’s since become pain-free. But through her nonprofit, “I’ve heard from women whose experiences are so similar to my own that I could’ve written the story,” says Jackson.

Many, she says, are repeatedly told by their doctors that painful periods and sex are simply “normal.” “If you don’t speak up for yourself or how much pain you’re in, [your issue] may go overlooked,” Yvonne Bohn, MD, ob-gyn at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California, tells Health.

A new ad for Orilissa, the first ever FDA-approved drug for endometriosis pain, even plays on that theme. “Any pain?” a doctor asks a female patient who’s come in for a checkup. “Kinda,” the woman shrugs apologetically. It’s not until her inner voice comes to life and shouts at her, “Speak up!” that she finally does.

Get the care you need

Think you’re being gaslighted by your doctor? Here’s what to do.

Find a provider you bond with. “You shouldn’t be looking for someone you want to have drinks with. That isn’t the goal,” Dr. Bohn clarifies. “But you do want someone who is honest and direct” and truly listens to you when you speak.

Prioritize your concerns. “As physicians, we’re under a lot of pressure,” admits Dr. Bohn. “We have too many patients and not enough time.” If you come to an appointment with a list of 15 questions, your doctor may struggle to get to them all. Instead, focus on a few of your most urgent concerns. Many doctors can now weigh in on less important issues by email.

Advocate for yourself. “If you don’t believe the first opinion you get, get a second,” Dr. Ruiz advises. In some cases, you may need to insist on a consult with a women’s health professional.

And don’t necessarily steer clear of male doctors. “I know as many insensitive female ob-gyns as male ob-gyns,” acknowledges Dr. Ruiz. “Find a physician who listens to you and takes your complaints seriously.”

The post Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? Here’s What To Do appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.