Leslie Glass's Blog, page 277

Feeling Stuck Or Restless? Think How, Not What

From Psychology Today:

To get unstuck in your life, the key is not doing more, but doing different.

Sara has been feeling a bit bored with her life lately. The job is a job, her weekly routine is routine. She fantasizes about looking for a different job, going on some exotic vacation, changing her looks, maybe moving. Something’s gotta give.

Ben will admit that he’s having a midlife crisis. He feels trapped and restless. He’s got 20 good years left and he is sure he doesn’t want to keep doing for the next 20 what he’s been doing for the last.

We all have times when we have bored or trapped or restless, where the life we are living isn’t the life we want, where we’re going on autopilot, going through the motions but feeling unsatisfied. Our instincts are shake it up – change the job, the look, go on the that vacation, buy a boat, have a child. And often this helps for a while. But more often the underlying problem is not about changing the content of our lives — what we do on our job, how we spend our free time — but on the process, the way we run our lives overall. We’re stuck because we need to approach our lives from a different angle.

Content vs. process

The therapy world divides communication into content and process. Content is…what, facts, nouns: the topics discussed in the staff meeting, the back and forth in last night’s argument over how much we really spend on groceries. Process is how, action, verbs: Not the topics discussed in the meeting but how Jack always dominates it, making it unproductive. Not what we really spend on groceries, but the fact that whenever we talk about money it turns into an argument. A waterfall = content. The water is falling = process.

We’re primed to zero on content, especially when we get emotional. When the money argument cranks up, both partners instinctively start to stack up more content / information, to makes their cases: out come the text messages, the receipts, the checkbooks and credit card statements. Or when we worry about the sudden rash on our arms, we apt to go on the internet for 2 hours to track down the possible diagnosis, the cause, the treatment. Our emotional brains are telling us that if we only get the right content we’ll change the process and feel better: Our partner will finally realize we were right, our worry about the rash will go down. 

Dysfunctional process and mental health

What is at the core of many mental health issues is process not content: Sam’s generalized anxiety drifts towards whatever is the biggest worry of the day — his job, his health — but what doesn’t change is the worrying process itself, his conjuring up worst-case scenarios that drive his anxiety; Ellen may feel depressed because she feels trapped in her marriage, but it is not the content of her marriage that is the problem and more her response, her giving up and not doing anything to change anything that keeps her depressed; Carly’s anger is legendary, but while the content of her anger changes, the fact that she can’t regulate her emotions doesn’t; Will impulsiveness causes him to spend money, blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind, but what doesn’t change is the impulsiveness itself.

Paradigm shift

So, maybe it’s time to look at the dysfunctional process that keeps you from solving problems, making good decisions, feeling more empowered. Maybe it’s time to stop rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, doing more of the same, and instead make a paradigm shift in how you run your life. 

Here are some of the best places to start:

Focus on wants not shoulds

Often what drives developmental crises is the need to stop building your life on the rules / shoulds you have in your head and have been following for so long, and instead begin to build your life on what you want, those gut reactions. 

Learn to manage confrontation

If you are afraid of confrontation or the strong emotions of others, you are constantly biting your tongue, accommodating, walking on eggshells, putting others ahead of you. By learning to tolerate confrontation, you stop all this and being less afraid can start living the life you want.

Learn to regulate your emotions

This is Carly and Will and arguments about money. This is a primary skill that research shows is one of the keys to having a good life. Those who struggle to regulate their emotions — anger, anxiety, impulsiveness — have poor relationships, struggle in the workplace, derail themselves with poor decisions. 

Reset priorities

This is about stopping the autopilot and instead proactively stepping back and looking at the larger landscape of your everyday life. Here Ben decides not to just spend more time with family, but also consciously resets his priorities and begins to build into his life personal needs that have been ignored.

Learn to let go of the past

If you are ruminating about the past you are likely endlessly replaying scenes of regret and hurt in your mind, but the letting go is about stopping the replaying itself. The key here is actively taking steps to get closure and move forward — by sending an email to the other person, writing out your thoughts, putting into words what has not been said. It is also about actively building a future in spite of feeling pulled by the past. By shifting your focus the past becomes less powerful.

Resolve underlying issues that make problem-solving difficult

Here we are talking about all of the above — the problem with emotions, confrontation, priorities, shoulds instead of wants. This is also about chronic problems like unresolved trauma that cause you to not only to get triggered in the present, but leave you afraid of relationships and untrusting of others, or afraid to ask for help. 

This is also about untreated addictions that skew your life-focus, or about mental health issues like chronic depression or untreated AD/HD that biochemically keep your brain from functioning at its best. Here you look to therapy and / or medication to put the underlying dynamic to rest.

Next steps

When you look back on the last years of running your life, where do you get stuck? Are any of these problems and patterns keeping you from being successful? If one or two are, now is a good time to start taking steps to change your process. Don’t focus on the content — the specific argument, the past regret — but the bigger issue of how you deal with these situations.

And then take baby steps to change them — practicing regulating your emotions, getting closure about the past and moving forward, tackling those underlying issues. Focus on concrete behaviors and get help to provide the support and tools that you need to be successful.

Content is a moving target; process is where life lives.

The post Feeling Stuck Or Restless? Think How, Not What appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

4 Causes Of Damaging Shame

Some people grow up feeling good and strong, while others carry the burden of damaging shame that persists no matter how much love they receive or great their achievements later in life. There is a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt can be the motivator of change, taking responsibility, and making amends, but shame is always a damaging feeling that keeps us trapped in misery. Shame lies to us and tells us we are no good, terrible, horrible human beings, and we feel this to our core.

The first step to healing is understanding that shame comes from influences outside of us and is internalized as reality.

Damaging Shame Begins From Dysfunction

Shame is developed through a variety of ways. John Bradshaw, author of the recovery classic Healing The Shame That Binds You, and Fossum and Mason, authors of Facing Shame: Families in Recovery explain it this way.

We learn shame just as we learn guilt, but shame is the result destructive conditioning. Shame begins from relationships that are the most valuable to us and within the systems that are most important.

Four Causes Of Damaging Shame

1. Unhealthy family systems

The family is the most important aspect of growing up and becoming functional or dysfunctional. Extended family generations can be a source of shame.

For example, if one grew up in a family where there is poverty, or abuse, or perhaps, having multiple generations of family members who end up in prison, we learn shame by believing that we are a bad family and therefore, I am a bad child. Also, shame-based families have unhealthy coping skills and may be controlling, non-nurturing, poor communicators, arguing and fighting, and blame the child for all of the family issues. Also, shame-based children may have been abused – physically, sexually, emotionally, and/or spiritually – such trauma in and of itself is shaming as the child blames her/his/them self for the dysfunction and feels shame that this has happened. Being teased, humiliated, blamed, purposefully shamed, and told to keep secrets also leads to shame. Other shame comes from being abandoned; again the child feels she is so bad, that the parents want to have nothing to do with her.

2. Shame in the educational system

Shame can be developed through school with teachers, principals, and other personnel shaming students for who they are.

For example, the school system knows that Shannon’s mother is a drug addict and is currently in prison. She may have that pointed out to her, i.e., “You’re going to grow up just like your mom.” Similarly, a child may be told: “Why don’t you act like your siblings” or “You aren’t as smart as your brother.” Also, peers may shame the student; for example, “You smell” and call you “Smelly” or make fun of you because your dad has left home. They may know family history such as, “Your cousin committed suicide, why don’t you do the same thing?”

3. Shame in religious systems

Unfortunately, some religious institutions cultivate shame in its members. Having to believe a certain way, follow dogma, being told you were born in original sin, having a punishing/punitive god, and other issues can be shaming.

Other shaming results from religious beliefs may include shaming about who you are (i.e., GLBTQ, your situation (divorced, living outside of marriage) or actually excommunicating you because of who you are or what you’ve done. Still other issues include the focus on perfectionism and righteousness (as defined by a church), the church telling you they are the only belief system (Christian churches telling you that Muslims are heathens, violent, non-god like), focusing on literal interpretation of religious texts such as the Bible, or even getting into religious addictive behaviors.

4. Shame in being different

Being different can mean so many things. It can be how you look relative to the mainstream, or people around you. For example, do you have piercings, tattoos or pink hair in a conservative community?  It can mean having different culture from people around you (ie being in the minority). It can mean ethnic background that is not as respected as it should be for one reason or another. Your color of skin, belief system, religion/spirituality, sexual orientation, gender status, obesity, mental illness, physical disability can also be perceived as different from the norm and a cause for shame.

Within all systems there is an artificial norm projected, and those who fall outside of that norm are perceived and can be shamed as different.

All kinds of people live in every system, including families, schools, communities. Because everyone is different and equally valuable in his or her own unique way, there is no actual norm in humanity. Inclusiveness and acceptance is something that has to be taught in the same way intolerance is taught. Being different in closed societies (neighborhoods or region or family) or any of the systems above can bring about deep and lasting shame. Differences can set us up for being shamed and we internalize this shame instead of rejoicing about our differences.

Everyone Has Some Shame

No one has escaped feelings of shame. Parents or teachers may have called you stupid or hopeless. You may have experienced prejudice for one reason or another. Gay Pride, the “Me Too” movement are two examples of people using community acknowledgement to both heal from shame and lift the stigma.  Healing begins with your personal acknowledging when and how you’ve been shamed and how the experience has caused you harm. Know that in whatever way you have been shamed, you are not alone.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

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This Photo Of Ashley Graham In A Bikini Eating Cheetos Is The Most Relatable Thing Ever

From Health Magazine:

Name someone more body positive than Ashley Graham. Can’t think of anybody? Yeah, us either. She never fails to serve up self-love inspiration, and her latest Instagram post is the perfect example.

Graham shared a photo of herself munching on some Cheetos while at a bikini shoot. Guilt-free snacking in swimwear? She’s living the dream. “Itty bitty things for big things coming your way,” she captioned the shot.

At a recent event hosted by the New York Times called Reshaping Beauty, Graham said when she first started modeling, people constantly told her to lose weight. “I was trying to make business decisions not knowing anything, walking into this wild world of fashion where they’re telling me I’m too big. They’re telling me to not talk. They’re telling me that I’m just a clothes hanger and to just keep your mouth shut. That’s the epitome of everything I’m not,” she said.

As the first curvy model on the cover of Sports Illustrated in 2016, Graham has become household name. Sadly, people still try to “fix” her body by editing pictures of her. “This is the kind of conversation I’m still struggling to have on set: ‘You see those red stretch marks on the inside of my thigh? Leave those. Those are new and those are real, and we need to talk about those.’ People will take them out, but I’m not afraid to talk about it. I’m not afraid to show it on social media.”

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Marijuana for morning sickness? Not so fast

From Newsweek BY KASHMIRA GANDER Using cannabis while pregnant to ease morning sickness could damage the brain of a fetus, scientists who studied rats have warned.

Between 2002 and 2014, the rates of women using cannabis during pregnancy spiked by 62 percent in the U.S., and marijuana is the psychoactive drug used most commonly by pregnant women, according to the researchers at Auburn University, in Alabama. Expectant mothers turn to the drug because it can alleviate the symptoms of morning sickness.   

As more U.S. states move to legalize the drug and the stigma surrounding its use falls away, scientists wanted to investigate its potential harm to fetuses.

Past studies have indicated that coming into contact with cannabis in the womb could change how the brain’s networks develop, and could cause cognitive and behavioral problems in children “leading to a long-lasting effects on adult behavior,” the studies concluded.

In this new study, the researchers looked at how cannabis might affect the hippocampus: the part of the brain involved in memory and learning. They did this by exposing pregnant female rats to a synthetic chemical that acts similarly to cannabis at 2 milligrams/kilograms, until their young were born. The dose was comparable to an expectant mother using moderate to high amounts of cannabis. 

The brain connections in the baby rats exposed to synthetic cannabis in the womb were found to be reduced when compared with the rats that didn’t encounter the drug. The rats also underwent behavioral tests. 

A protein called neural cell adhesion molecule, which helps to maintain neural connections, was reduced in the cannabis-dosed rates. This could explain the observed learning and memory problems, the authors wrote. 

The team hopes the work could one day lead to treatments for children whose learning and memory has been damaged by marijuana use, boosting levels of NCAM.

Priyanka Das Pinky, a graduate student at Auburn University who co-authored the study, said in a statement: “Based on our research and the previous existing findings in the field, it can be said that using marijuana during pregnancy would not be a wise choice.

“However, it is also notable that the observed effect in the offspring can vary according to their age and according to the trimester during which they were exposed to the drug as well as dose and route of administration of the drug.”

The work will be presented at the American Society for Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics annual meeting during the 2019 Experimental Biology meeting. The work has therefore not been published in a peer-reviewed journal.

Pinky commented: “It is still very early to come up with a conclusion about the possible safe use of marijuana during pregnancy. More research is needed to evaluate the exact mechanism by which NCAM and/or its active form is modulating cellular effects while focusing on target-specific drug development for amelioration of the observed cognitive deficits.”

Ian Hamilton of the Department of Health Sciences at the University of York, U.K., who was not involved in the research, told Newsweek: “I am surprised to see the reported long-term impact on behavior and development this exposure to synthetic cannabis had.

“There are several potential limitations to this research that would need further exploration. First, this is an animal study: Although rats are often used in this type of investigation, we need to be careful in assuming these results would be mirrored in humans, particularly when it comes to behavioral outcomes which could be significantly different in humans, they may be worse or there might be no impact on behavior.”

Addressing drug use in pregnancy more broadly, he continued: “The safest option is for pregnant women to avoid all psychoactive drugs during pregnancy, including alcohol, which accounts for the greatest harm to unborn fetuses.

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Lena Dunham 1 year Sober

From People “I’ve done a lot of cool things in this life, but none has brought me the peace, joy and lasting connections that being part of a sober fellowship has,” said Lena Dunham

Lena Dunham is celebrating one year of sobriety.

The 32-year-old Girls creator and star revealed to her fans on Wednesday that although she “had an issue with drugs for a long time,” she is now 365 days sober.

“Today I’m in the miraculous position of being one year sober. I’ve done a lot of cool things in this life, but none has brought me the peace, joy and lasting connections that being part of a sober fellowship has (not even all girls camp. Sorry, Bunk Kingfisher.),” Dunham captioned a photo of herself giving a thumbs-up to the camera. 

“Life is full of problems, but the cool thing about this one is that there is a solution: in every city, in many countries, you can find a group of people who are working hard to live sober, accountable lives and want to support you on your quest to do the same,” she continued. 

Dunham, who previously admitted to using anti-anxiety medication Klonopin, said that she wasn’t aware of her dependency on “doctor prescribed” drugs while she was using.

“I didn’t know I had an issue with drugs for a long time: because they were doctor prescribed, because I was outwardly successful and not a wild in da club party chick. But wouldn’t you say that hurting people you love is an issue? Wouldn’t you say feeling lost and lonely much of the time is an issue? Wouldn’t you say wearing shorts to a movie premiere *is* an issue?” Dunham continued. 

And although Dunham is proud to celebrate her sobriety milestone, she admitted her world is not free of problems.

“Sobriety hasn’t fixed my world. Life is still challenging- that’s the nature of the game,” she wrote.

Instead, she’s embracing the ups and downs of life.

“But every day I am surprised by the richness and depth of, well, reality. I don’t need to escape this beautiful carnival. Instead, I’m on the ride,” said Dunham.Lena Dunham PRESLEY ANN/GETTY IMAGES

In conclusion, she encouraged others who might be struggling to seek help.

“Please remember you are never too far gone, too broken or too unique,” wrote Dunham. “There are people in plain sight waiting to help you. Let’s do this.”

Last fall, Dunham opened up about being six months sober — after quitting Klonopin, a type of Benzodiazepine used to treat symptoms of anxiety, panic disorders and seizures  — on an episode of Dax Shepard‘s podcast Armchair Expert.

“I’ve been sober for six months,” she said in October. “My particular passion was Klonopin.”

Dunham said she started taking the medication after her anxiety became so intense that it held her back from daily activities and hindered her work. “I was having crazy anxiety and having to show up for things that I didn’t feel equipped to show up for,” she explained. “But I know I need to do it, and when I take a Klonopin, I can do it.”R

She said the drug made her “feel like the person I was supposed to be.”

“It was like suddenly I felt like the part of me that I knew was there was freed up to do her thing,” she continued.

Over the years, Dunham said she started taking Klonopin more frequently. “It stopped being ‘I take one when I fly,’ to ‘I take one when I’m awake.’ “

“I didn’t have any trouble getting a doctor to tell me, ‘No you have serious anxiety issues, you should be taking this. This is how you should be existing,’ ” she said.

She said the dosage was increased after being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Later, Dunham said that while she’s had her “fair share of opioid experiences” due to her health issues, she didn’t realize just how hard it would be to quit.

“Nobody I know who are prescribed these medications is told, ‘By the way, when you try and get off this, it’s going to be like the most hellacious acid trip you’ve ever had where you’re f—– clutching the walls and the hair is blowing off your head and you can’t believe you found yourself in this situation,’ ” she said. “Now the literal smell of the inside of pill bottles makes me want to throw up.

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9 Embarrassing Questions You’ve Always Wanted To Ask A Therapist

From Time:

Therapy is a touchy subject. Lots of people think they’re probably fine but are not sure, while others want to talk to someone about their problems but don’t really know if therapy would work. We asked Lori Gottlieb, therapist and author of the new book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, to answer some common — and sometimes uncomfortable — questions about counseling.

Does everyone need therapy?

Lori Gottlieb: I don’t think everyone needs to do therapy. I think that pretty much everyone can benefit from therapy. For people who are motivated to change, are curious about themselves and maybe want to see what trips them up in ways that they don’t realize, I think it can be incredibly useful.

We change in relation to others. It’s very hard to change in isolation. In therapy you get that on steroids because the therapist is holding up a mirror to you and saying, “Look at your reflection. I want you to see the ways that you might be shooting yourself in the foot and ending up in the same place over and over.” You can’t do that if another person isn’t there to observe you and then to very gently help you see that observation.

Sometimes I’ll have some people do an exercise. They have to write down everything they say to themselves, the critical voice in their head. And even though they know that they can be critical, they don’t realize the extent of it. They’re embarrassed to read it back to me. The way that they talk to themselves—they’re like bullies. And I think therapy can help you become more aware of that and maybe see patterns in how you relate to other people that hold you back from having the kinds of relationships you want.

What should a person look for in a therapist?

LG: I think it depends what you feel like in the room with the person. Did you feel understood? Did you feel comfortable talking to this person? It’s all you want to know that first time.

Are some people beyond help?

LG: I think when people come to therapy, they have to realize that they’re going to have to see themselves in a way that they maybe prefer not to be seen. I can’t help people who aren’t curious about something that recurs in their lives. So I think that if you’re going to go into therapy, you have to know that no one is accusing you of anything. We’re just trying to help you see something so that we can help you feel better faster.

Say you couldn’t afford therapy. What would you advise?

LG: Go to a low-fee clinic because they have sliding scales and you’ll talk to people who are training to be therapists. It’s better than not doing anything.

Why can’t your spouse help you change?

LG: Because you don’t want to get a divorce! When you tell other people who are invested in you in that way that they need to make a change or that you notice something about them, you have an agenda. Part of your agenda is their well-being. But part of it is that this person is making your life difficult by what they’re doing, and so you want them to change partly for you.

People don’t want to change for somebody else. It has to be intrinsically motivated. In therapy, people know that the therapist’s agenda is not, “I want you to change for me, the therapist.” It’s, “I want you to see something about yourself, and it’s up to you if you change. I have no horse in this race.”

Could a parent do what a therapist does?

LG: When children are younger and they really trust your judgment, and if you do it in a loving way, not in a way that feels critical—”You’re always doing this”—but “I notice that you and Emma keep getting into arguments in school and what do you think that’s about?” you can help them see something.

Is there one thing that people could do to make themselves more mentally healthy without a therapist?

LG: The best tip that I can give is that they need to connect more in real life with people that they care about. Because so many people are feeling depression, anxiety, loneliness. Even when they’re happily married. Even when they have families or good friends. With their partners, they’re co-computing at night. The phones are always out. They don’t have just the face-to-face time. So go have coffee with a friend and don’t just “like” something of theirs on Facebook. Go have experiences with other people face-to-face where there are no screens, no phones, nothing pinging or vibrating.

Is it wrong to Google your ex?

LG: I love that you ask that, because a lot of people think that when you break up with someone, they’re sort of gone. And I think that every single person we are in relationship to in our lives lives within us in a way. I don’t mean that we dwell on them or even think about them all that often, but I think it’s very human to think about the people who were significant to us at a certain time in our lives.

When we’re Googling exes, there’s something nostalgic about it, kind of bringing back a time in our younger years. We don’t just live in a particular moment. We have all this history that comes with us. So yeah, I think there’s nothing wrong with being curious about exes.

But when people are looking because they don’t have enough of their own life, or they want to feel connected to this person even though there isn’t that connection anymore, or they wish they were in that person’s life, it’s not very healthy.

What is the best thing that you can do to help somebody who’s crying?

LG: The instinct is to make them stop. We feel uncomfortable because we feel helpless. We feel like they’re in distress, and the way of helping them is to get them to stop crying. Or to say something that will make them feel better.

But what they really need in that moment is someone to just sit there with them and meet them where they are. And where they are is they’re very distressed. Trying to give them a solution to their problem at that moment is not going to be that helpful. And it makes them feel incredibly isolated when you say it’s not really that bad. I’m hysterically crying, but it’s not really that bad?

People say this to their children all the time, but to the child, whatever they’re feeling right then really feels like that. Don’t try to talk people out of their feelings. Their feelings are their feelings. And it’s ok that they’re experiencing pain. Feelings are like the weather. They blow in, they blow out. If there’s a storm, there’s a storm. The storm’s not always going to be there. You know that in your head. They can’t see it right now, but let them be in the storm, sit in the storm with them, and weather the storm together.

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Wise Words Can Help Recovery

From Psychology Today:

Slogans and quotes can help counteract a negative mindset.

In twelve-step recovery groups slogans steer members toward serenity. “Just for Today” and “One Step at a Time” remind us to stay present. (Easier said than done, especially in the middle of a crisis.) Initially I found the slogans to be simplistic and even trite; however, during many years in the program they’ve helped pulled me through many challenging situations. They’ve also taught me to look for recovery ideas in many places. I’ve found several quotes and sayings that have served as anchors when I sink into despair, doubt my decisions, panicduring a crisis, wallow in self-pity, question my motivation, and beat myself up. Here are a few that speak to me.  

I believe that recovery begins with a willingness to change and an awareness of our attitudes and behaviors. According to the Dalai Lama, To be aware of a single shortcoming within yourself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else.

Another spiritual teacher, Pima Chodron, also focuses on self-awareness. Nothing ever goes away until it teachers us what we need to know.  Those of us whose loved ones abuse substances need to know a whole lot. Certainly, nothing in my life prepared me for the effects on family resulting from addiction. First and foremost, we need to learn how to keep our spoon in our own bowls and get out of our own way.

We also need to know that we aren’t perfect, and we make mistakes. A whole lot of them. The twelve-step slogan: Progress not perfection addresses this.  And author, Maya Angelou notes that defeat is a fact of life. You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.           

Even though we may experience many defeats, we need not feel defeated. One way to counteract defeat is to begin to trust yourself. In an amusing article on body image, Alice Suiffert writes: You have to constantly feed yourself supportive comments and thoughts  to combat the inevitable internal destructive comments that will surface. Don’t feed a cycle of self-doubt.  The wisdom and support of a recovery community can help counter that vicious cycle. The poet, Khali Gibran reminds us of this. Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. So don’t go it alone.Reach out to others. Keep the faith. It points toward serenity.

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What’s The Difference Between Therapy And Coaching?

From Psychology Today:

Let’s take life to the next level.

When people hear the word “Coaching” or “Life Coaching,” it may sound trendy, indulgent or unnecessary.  As a therapist, I have always seen the value in this form of care because it has been inevitably part of the work that I have done with clients through the years.  Most recently, Recovery Coaching has become a growing service that can provide important support for individuals who are struggling with addictive issues.  I have also worked and managed Recovery Coaches in past jobs.  Some individuals who are resistant to going into therapy may be more apt to engage in coaching because it could appear less intimidating, less hierarchical, and there may be less stigma associated with it.  My philosophyhas always been, “whatever gets you in the door” to getting the support that you need in life is effective.  Coaching could also be a stepping stone towards therapy, if it is needed, as individuals may become more comfortable talking and being vulnerable with another person.

What is the difference between therapy and coaching?  

Mental healthcounseling focuses on observing and diagnosing pathology, addressing past trauma, treating addiction, adjustment, mood, personality, behavior and learning disorders, identifying and resolving family systems issues.  Coaching relies on a level of client wellness and mental health symptom remission that allows for behavioral and goal-oriented action that is not rooted in the treatment of disorders.  Coaching can also be more directive and less neutral than some forms of therapy. 

As an Addiction Therapist, I have worked with clients who have extremely complicated mental health and addiction symptoms.  I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to use my personal and professional experience to support so many incredible clients. 

I am now seeing a need for Wellness Services for those who are stable in their mental health and addictive issues but who are looking to move forward in various areas of their lives.  So often in our society we seek medical care when we are feeling sick and not as much for preventative reasons or to better our wellness and performance. The same can be said about the mental health field.  Therapy is associated with having a “problem” and is not always attended nor appropriate for those who are wanting to excel and push themselves in particular life domains.  This is where coaching can be the right fit. 

Here is an example of how coaching could be appropriate: An individual has been in recovery from addiction and/or remission from a mental health issue and they are no longer in crisis or wanting to focus care on those issues.  They may even continue to see their therapist for maintenance in those areas.  However, they are feeling stuck professionally, they want to achieve better balance in various areas of their life and/or they would like support in being more organized in order to help them excel.

Recently, I have been following Rachel Hollis, author of Girl, Stop Apologizing and Girl, Wash your Face. I have appreciated her live morning Instagram “Start the Day” feeds and her message of empowerment and growth.  I realized that through the years, I have naturally done many of the visualizations and goals setting that she described and have often taken that for granted.  I also enjoying learning about new strategies for growth and change.  I want to be able to support others in taking their lives to the Next Level and not just helping people when they are in crisis.  So often we avoid getting support until we have an acute problem.  However, the coaching field is encouraging us to be proactive in our wellness, to maximize our potential and to take pride in bettering ourselves before we are in crisis.

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Adult Children Of Scoldaholics

From Psychology Today:

If your parents scolded you a lot, you may suffer long-term consequences.

If you find yourself prone to scold, lecture, sermonize, and preach at, rather than converse with people, it may be a residue of your childhoodexperience. People who have been scolded a lot will tend to scold.

Your parents and teachers may have had anxious, tough childhoods, perhaps anxious by nature, with fragile senses of self-worth and unresolved hypersensitivity. Some people’s parents grew up in poverty or under oppressive conditions with people scolding them relentlessly, venting their frustration at their children’s expense. Scolding has its place but is often just a way for someone fragile to act as though they’re strong, confident, and in charge.

People often say what they need to hear. Children are often forced to suffer sermons that their parents wished they had heeded in their youth, a father who wished he had buckled down earlier insisting with uncommon urgency that his children buckle down. It’s more fun for the father to posture like he was a master of that life lesson than to feel like he failed to learn it.

There are whole cultures in which scolding is considered a virtue, just as there are whole cultures in which spanking children is considered a virtue (current research suggests that it is not).

Raising a child is about getting them to fly free but also getting them to fly right. Parents and teachers, therefore, have reason to try hard to get kids to straighten up—reason enough that they can rationalize any preaching and scolding they want to do, saying, “It hurts me more than it hurts you” when it doesn’t—when it’s a self-calming projection that the parent or teacher imposes on the child.

We all have our coping strategies but also our noping strategies, our ways of saying “nope” to whatever is hard for us to cope with. Adults often regress to their parent’s noping strategies. However your parent said nope, that’s your home base, your way of expressing authority and taking control of the situation, especially when you feel like you’re losing control.

Being the adult child of a scoldaholic can cause you loads of trouble. Scolding is the slippery slope to “infallibility battles,” black and white debates in which one party can claim to be infallibly right about everything with everyone else proven completely wrong about everything. In infallibility battles, one false move will be taken as a total vindication for whomever you’re battling. The stakes get high and the capacity for insight and exploration disappears. Worse, no one can admit to making a mistake because if they did, they’d be in for an insufferable scolding.

The US seems to be slipping into a culture-wide infallibility battle, perpetrated by a party of people who were scolded and preached at in their youth and have discovered that if one scolds with full-bore confidence, one can prevail in all infallibility battles. Honor no longer has to be earned; it just goes to whoever scolds loudest and longest, their police siren blare drowning out all introspective recognition of their own fallibility. Express outraged scolding and you’ll enjoy all experience of your human imperfections will vaporize instantly. 

The shift toward scoldaholic, infallibility battles is especially toxic in a society like ours that must scramble to adapt to accelerating change. We need to be adaptive learners, capable of doubt, curiosity and exploratory debate, the very stuff that’s stifled by scolding and infallibility battles.

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Performance-enhancing drugs risk teen cocaine abuse and impair fertility

From Science Daily Athletes sometimes use anabolic steroids to boost performance. In addition to building muscle, performance-enhancing drugs have been found to affect mood and behavior, including risk-taking behavior. Previous research has shown that approximately one-third of young adults who use anabolic steroids also use cocaine. This rate is substantially higher than the roughly 5 percent of young adults who use cocaine but do not take anabolic steroids.

Although there appears to be a link between anabolic steroid use and the tendency to use other addiction-forming drugs in adults, it has not been well-studied in adolescents.

Researchers from the University of Puerto Rico studied female rats, half of which were exposed to nandrolone, one of the anabolic steroids most commonly used by young adults. After 10 days of steroid exposure, the animals were divided into four groups:

One group was exposed to nandrolone only.
One group was exposed to nandrolone and cocaine.
One group was exposed to cocaine only.
A control group was exposed to neither nandrolone nor cocaine.

The researchers observed that the group exposed to nandrolone showed increased sensitivity to cocaine — called locomotor sensitization — than the other groups. The researchers also saw a reduction in ovary weight and the development of ovarian cysts — which can compromise fertility — in the nandrolone groups. The animals exposed to cocaine alone did not show the same level of drug-induced locomotor sensitization.

Exposure to androgens during adolescence “modifies the brain circuitry that regulates addictive behaviors, increasing the psychoactive properties of cocaine,” the researchers wrote. In addition, anabolic steroids are also detrimental to the female reproductive system and may reduce fertility. A similar outcome in humans could significantly increase the risk of cocaine addiction and negatively affect fertility in teen athletes who use performance-enhancing steroids.

Story Source:

Materials provided by American Physiological Society. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

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