Leslie Glass's Blog, page 268

How To Help My Alcoholic

Can I help my alcoholic is one of the most asked questions on the Internet. But what about the term “alcoholic” itself? Addiction terminology is a sore subject these days. Many are offended by the word “Alcoholic.”  Let’s just say alcohol user in the second, third, or fourth stage of use. There are four stages of substance use, and it can be confusing to loved ones and family members, and even users themselves, how far down the slippery slope of addiction they really are. How to help is a complicated question to which everyone wants the answer.

Let’s Look At This Question As A Series Of 4 Pointers

What is the age of your alcoholic? If a minor, you have options for rehab and treatment that you can “impress” (read “force”) on your youngster. I use the term youngster as many alcoholics start very young; reference Drew Barrymore.
Why is this person drinking? Did they see others in their home and environment drinking? Did/does it look “cool” or the in-thing to do? Is it a family tradition?  Are they ill, depressed, in chronic pain or otherwise having issues in life that they trying to get away from? The answers here may help direct you towards treatment options and understanding of the person and how to further help them. Many soldiers (current and previous) suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and alcohol has usually been their primary way to dull the brain and keep the demons at bay.
You have to take care of yourself in order to be a reliable help to your alcoholic. Use Al-anon or any of the many resources and self-help groups that are available.
In the practice of medicine we have a saying that goes something like this: the patient is the one with the problem, they came to us for help. What that means is that you cannot take on their problem. Don’t become an enabler or co-dependent; that ultimately will not help them but could harm you.

Alcoholism Is One Of Many Specific Addictions.

The concerns and treatment for alcohol ARE basically the same as for any addiction. It takes a village to raise a child; similarly it takes a village to treat an active substance user. The village here consists of family, loved one, community treatment and support for the addict and his/her loved ones, and global understanding and support. In the end, each individual must take charge of his/her own survival because no one can help substance users unless they want the help. Consider the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”.

The post How To Help My Alcoholic appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Treating The Trauma Behind Addiction

From US News:

POLITICIANS, HEALTH care workers and others in recent years have called for a change in approach toward addiction, from condemning it as a lifestyle choice to treating it as a disease.

But as the opioid epidemic and other issues of substance misuse continue to wreak havoc in the United States, Joe Polish – a marketing entrepreneur recovering from multiple addictions himself – says he sees addiction instead as an attempt by people “to deal with pain.”

“If you want to understand why many people are addicts, even people that get, you know, hooked on drugs from pharmaceuticals, a lot of it can be traced back to childhood experiences and trauma – not all, but most of it,” says Polish, 51. 

The founder of addiction resource hub Genius Recovery and the entrepreneur-focused Genius Network says he hopes to change the global conversation around addiction to one that treats those suffering from it “with compassion instead of judgment.” He also aims to “find the best forms of treatment that have efficacy, and share those with the world in the form of education,” he says.

Polish spoke with U.S. News about his own addictions, the crucial factors that have led to his and others’ long-term recovery, and what he says is needed to diminish the deadly effects drugs are having on society today. The interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Everyone’s talking about addiction as a disease. What’s your take?

I think of addiction as anything that has a compulsivity attached to it, and doing something that you don’t want to do or that you do want to do that has negative consequences that you cannot stop on your own. And so I look at addiction in terms of not just drugs and alcohol, but also behaviors. My core addiction was not actually drugs. It was behavioral addiction – from sexual addiction to work addiction – as a coping mechanism. 

I also don’t believe addiction is a disease. I believe it’s a response to trauma. I believe addiction is a solution to pain. It is a way to scratch an itch, a way to deal with pain.

Could you tell me more about how your addictions developed?

Specifically with using, the first time I probably ever got introduced to drugs would have been marijuana, maybe when I was 14 years old. And 15, 16 is when I was introduced to speed, taking pills, snorting coke. Through the ages of 16 to 18, I was starting crystal meth and smoking pot almost every day, using different forms of speed, taking psychedelics. Eventually, it led to freebasing cocaine, and that’s when I became heavily, heavily addicted. In my worst state, I weighed 105 pounds from freebasing for a long period of time.

The setting is really critical. It’s not about the drugs – it’s about the mindset you’re in, the environment that you’re in, if you’re doing it for entertainment, if you’re doing it for therapeutic reasons. But I got really just strung out on drugs. I just wrecked my system.

How did you go from there to starting your recovery?

I went to New Mexico and left all my friends and relationships behind, simply because there’s not much I could functionally do in that environment.

I just got away from everything, every relationship, every access. I went and lived in a trailer with my father and got sober and ended up working. In a weird way, one of the jobs I ended up getting after being in New Mexico for a couple years was working in a mental hospital, and I would drive the addicts to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and Narcotics Anonymous meetings and Cocaine Anonymous meetings and stuff like that. And I got an introduction to 12-step groups, which I’ve done. I’ve been in recovery for 20-some-plus years. 

Stopping use and entering recovery aren’t necessarily easy decisions to make, especially given the power of addiction. How did you do it? 

I’m in a fortunate situation, which many people are not, as I know how to run companies and run businesses and bring in revenue. And so I have access to money that I create, and I’ve spent over half a million dollars on my own recovery. 

But there are four ways I’ve discovered that you get sober and stay sober. First is through community, such as joining a 12-step program or any sort of support groups that bring you around other people that have mutual suffering in a space of wanting to share, help and support each other. 

Then there’s biochemical means: When you introduce artificial, feel-good chemicals, your body shuts down its own production. It’s very hard for someone that is an addict to sleep, to focus, to function without being in a constant state of craving. But if you can reintroduce, rebuild their system, it helps them recover … through food and nutrition supplementation. 

Third is addressing trauma, which includes everything from different types of yoga, meditation and breathing to EMDR, somatic therapy, plant medicines and psychedelics – like Ibogaine or MDMA – done properly. (Editor’s note: Ibogaine and MDMA are both illegal in the U.S.) 

And finally, there’s changing your environment.

Tell me about Genius Recovery: Why did you decide to start this platform? 

Genius Recovery is an educational platform that lists meeting locations, help videos, different interviews we’ve put up with doctors and addicts, and links to all kinds of different podcasts. We have a Facebook community, and we have articles and all kinds of things that we have put out there. If someone’s an anti-12-step person, or if people have no money at all, they can at least find resources and they can watch videos and they can have links to podcasts.[ 

If someone just takes away the drugs or tries to give them something else without dealing with the underlying drivers of the pain and the causation of it, it’s going to be very short-lived. All you need to do is look at people’s lives – understand why they’re doing what they’re doing, and how they’ve got where they’ve got. It all makes sense, if people are willing to have that conversation. So the point behind Genius Recovery is to first put out this type of conversation and information and engage people with it, while we also are looking at what are the best forms of treatment that have efficacy.

My goal is to save lives and reduce human suffering.

What do you think is missing from the global conversation surrounding addiction?

I think the root of all addiction, including opioids, is trauma, and trauma causes pain, both perceived and real. Right now, all we have is pills that can fix the problem, and what we need is pain to be worked on at the real root of the trauma. We need a more holistic approach to pain.

When you go to a doctor, they don’t ask you, “How’s your relationship? How’s your children? How’s your job? How’s your sleep?” They give you a structural diagnosis for pain and opiates and other forms of medications, antidepressants. They’re very easy, quick fixes, but the problem is they’re not solving anything. 

We’re treating the wrong thing. The right thing is the trauma, the repressed emotion, the emotional turmoil.

The post Treating The Trauma Behind Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

I Traded The 12-Step Program For A Dog

By Tyler Watamanuk For The New York Times:

The bond with my Australian cattle dog has been the most effective way for me to stay sober.

Most nights, my dog River sleeps in my bed. He is a red heeler, although his speckled coat is closer to an auburn-bronze than any shade that could be earnestly called “red.” Before I fall asleep, he jumps onto the comforter and curls up into a furry crescent moon next to me, nuzzling his rust-colored snout into my chest and wedging himself somewhere in between my limbs and heart.

When he rests beside me, I can feel my heartbeat slow down ever so slightly, and a woozy solace unknots my restless brain. For the two years we lived on a noisy Brooklyn street, the harsh sounds of the big city outside my window even seemed to soften. His presence feels more comforting than the slow euphoria of hydrocodone or the dizzying blackout of too many whiskey sodas — feelings I was well acquainted with before I got sober and welcomed this dog into my life.

This calming effect felt unmistakable and tangible, like the feeling of walking barefoot on freshly cut grass. I thought I might be imagining it, so I eventually looked it up: According to Psychology Today, lying next to a dog’s rhythmic breathing can help lull you to sleep and also increase the flow of oxytocin, a hormone associated with affection and happiness. Speaking from experience, I believe both of these things to be true.

I got River when I was about six months sober and still sporadically attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. The program, full of kind souls and too-big personalities in equal measure, wasn’t for me. I found some aspects helpful, but it never fully clicked. Going to A.A. meetings and reading the Big Book is to learn a new vernacular, one that’s chock-full of clichéd slogans and coded religious themes. I also get anxious around new people and large groups; it was difficult for me to seek a sponsor or support circle outside of the weekly meetings.

I liked the feeling of togetherness, yet bristled at the program’s authoritative overtones. To belong to A.A. is to concede to this notion of singularity — everyone is the same and everyone’s addiction is the same — and to accept a higher power and follow each one of the 12 precise steps. As I struggled with these aspects of the process, I found myself wanting a different path to sobriety, one that was less prescriptive and felt more personal to me — I found all of that in River.

He’s over 3 years old now, and I’ve had him for two and a half of those years, which means he’s been with me about twice as long as he was without. I’ve lived much more of my 31 years without him, but he feels inseparable from my psyche. I worry about how attached I am to this dog, and worry if he is the pillar that props up my sobriety.

I don’t know the exact details of his life before me, other than that he was surrendered as a puppy to Gordon County Animal Shelter in the state of Georgia and that he made his way up to New York thanks to an organization called In Our Hands Rescue. No one I talked to on the day of the adoption seemed to know much about him, either. The photocopy I have of his shelter intake form lists his arrival reason as “unwanted.” That note appears next to a photo of him where you can clearly see his soft timid eyes and big goofy smile, the kind where his tongue is hanging out of his mouth like a cartoon dog lusting after a comically sized bone. How could anyone not want him?

Despite that smiling photo, I don’t think he had a great life back in rural Georgia. He’s very apprehensive around people, skittish around noises and movement and uncertain about things a dog shouldn’t question — which made living in one of the world’s busiest cities difficult. New York has been my home for the last nine years. Slowly, I felt myself starting to resent my city and neighborhood: the crackling skateboards and the loud people that ride them, the windows-down cars blasting music, the ambulances and sirens, the undisciplined kids who shout and run inches from him. These things all scare River and I grew to hate them.

For these reasons, I think my bond with my anxious dog grew fast and deep. I want to protect him from the things that make him uncomfortable in a way that I often don’t look out for myself. I’m too forgiving of his bad behaviors. However, I’m not sure if I would have two years of sobriety without his presence in my life. Some of the energy and love I give this dog could be invested in myself, but I’ve learned you can’t control unconditional love.

Over the years, I’ve tried many things to slow or stop my drinking. There have been phases of self-help books and rigorous exercise, early-morning meditation and smoldering sticks of palo santo, obsessions with buying houseplants and rearranging apartment décor. However, it was the bond with my Australian cattle dog that has been the most effective.

Quitting drinking made me restless, and a youthful herding dog that required a lot of my attention proved to be an unlikely remedy. (Seeing a therapist helped, too.) River subconsciously took on a new role in my life when I got sober: He gave me the structure that I had long failed to provide myself; he added a routine to my life and forced me to be present during days when I just wanted to float in space. He depends on me to take care of him, and I don’t want to let him down. On our morning and evening walks to the park, the fresh air felt cathartic in my lungs, much like the feeling I got from sitting on folding chairs in those meetings.

My dog has earned his spot in my bed and every ounce of my energy I’ve ever given him. He showed me that I could find a path to sobriety outside of A.A. and the Big Book. The root of my drinking, I believe, was a lifelong feeling of being an outsider — like no one understood or saw me and I was inadequate or insignificant. On the hardest days, he’s been an unmatched comfort to me, providing unrelenting love without hesitation or limit.

Some nights, I lay awake and think about the things I miss about drinking, allowing myself to feel the indescribable sense of loss that comes when an alcoholic gives up booze. However, when those thoughts jostle in my head, I can still feel River sleeping next to me, and I’m just happy that I’m no longer alone.

The post I Traded The 12-Step Program For A Dog appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

For Teens, Online Bullying Worsens Sleep And Depression

From Science Daily:

Teens who experience cyberbullying are more likely to suffer from poor sleep, which in turn raises levels of depression, found a University at Buffalo study.

Although research has examined the relationship between online bullying and depression, the UB study is one of few to explore the connection between cyber victimization and sleep quality.

The study surveyed more than 800 adolescents for sleep quality, cyber aggression and depression.

The research will be presented by Misol Kwon, first author and doctoral student in the UB School of Nursing, at SLEEP 2019, the 33rd annual meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies in San Antonio, Texas from June 8-12.

“Cyber victimization on the internet and social media is a unique form of peer victimization and an emerging mental health concern among teens who are digital natives,” said Kwon. “Understanding these associations supports the need to provide sleep hygiene education and risk prevention and interventions to mistreated kids who show signs and symptoms of depression.”

Nearly one third of teens have experienced symptoms of depression, which, in addition to changes in sleep pattern, include persistent irritability, anger and social withdrawal, according to the U.S. Office of Adolescent Health.

And nearly 15 percent of U.S. high school students report being bullied electronically, says Kwon. At severe levels, depression may lead to disrupted school performance, harmed relationships or suicide.

The risks of allowing depression to worsen highlight the need for researchers and clinicians to understand and target sleep quality and other risk factors that have the potential to exacerbate the disorder

The post For Teens, Online Bullying Worsens Sleep And Depression appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

‘Even Moderate Alcohol Consumption Increases Stroke Risk’

From Medical News Today:

Some research has suggested that drinking alcohol in moderation could have protective effects against stroke. However, a large cohort study in a Chinese population shows that this is not the case at all.

We know that alcohol consumption can impact our health in many ways, but some researchers have debated whether the amount and the frequency of consumption could have a bearing on whether drinking is better or worse for health.

Certain studies — such as one published in 2016 in the journal BMC Medicine — have even suggested that moderate alcohol consumption can have a protective effect against stroke.

However, other researchers have called such findings into question and decided to conduct their own investigation into this matter.

A new collaborative study — led by teams from Oxford University, in the United Kingdom, and Peking University, the Chinese Academy of Medical Sciences, and the Peking Union Medical College, in Beijing, China — now shows that moderate drinking not only does not protect against cardiovascular events, it actually increases the risk of stroke.

These findings, which appear in the journal The Lancet, are based on the analysis of data collected from over 500,000 people in China.

 
Why the focus on East Asian populations?

The researchers chose to focus on a Chinese population because numerous people of East Asian descent experience something called the “Asian flushing syndrome” — when they consume alcohol, their faces turn red (flushed) and assume a glow.

This, the authors explain in their paper, is because when people with this syndrome drink alcohol, their systems are unable to properly break down some of the components, due to certain genetic variants that are specific to these populations.

“The major clearance pathway for blood alcohol is that an alcohol dehydrogenase […] oxidizes it to acetaldehyde, which causes discomfort at sufficient concentrations,” the researchers write.

“An aldehyde dehydrogenase […] then detoxifies the acetaldehyde, oxidizing it to acetate, which does not cause discomfort,” they continue, explaining that “Fast clearance of alcohol or, particularly, slow breakdown of acetaldehyde can cause individuals to limit alcohol intake.”

While in people of European and African descent, the body breaks down acetaldehyde “quickly enough to maintain tolerably low concentrations in drinkers,” the authors explain, in populations from East Asia, this does not happen because of the presence of a certain variant of the ALDH2 gene called rs671.

A variant of the ADH1B gene, rs1229984, which is just as common among people of East Asian descent, actually increases blood alcohol clearance rates, thus increasing tolerance to alcohol.

Moreover, according to the study’s researchers, both of these genetic variants are associated with less alcohol consumption.

In the study, the researchers assessed information provided by 512,715 adults from China who enrolled in the China Kadoorie Biobank initiative, and their first step was to look at whether these participants had the rs671 or rs1229984 genetic variants.

As part of the China Kadoorie Biobank project, the participants also provided information regarding their drinking habits and agreed to provide health data over a follow-up period of 10 years.

Using all these data, the investigators who led the current study sought to find out what the relationship actually was between moderate alcohol intake and the risk of stroke.

“Using genetics is a novel way to assess the health effects of alcohol and to sort out whether moderate drinking really is protective or whether it’s slightly harmful,” says senior epidemiologist and lecturer Iona Millwood, who co-led the study. “Our genetic analyses have helped us understand the cause and effect relationships,” she observes.

Moderation does not protect against stroke

“In our population, men drink more than 20 times as much as women, so these two [genetic] variants have large absolute effects on alcohol intake only among men,” the researchers write in their paper.

Among women, fewer than 2 percent reported having any alcohol in a given week, and when they did drink, they reported a considerably lower intake than men. Thus, the scientists looked at women as a viable control group in this study.

When looking at the male population, they found that those with the two genetic variants — which were tied to lower alcohol intake — also had a lower risk of high blood pressure and stroke.

After performing comparisons, the researchers concluded that alcohol intake — even in moderation — can increase the risk of ischemic stroke by as much as 35 percent for every four extra alcoholic drinks per day (or 280 grams of alcohol per week). “There are no protective effects of moderate alcohol intake against stroke,” emphasizes co-senior author Prof. Zhengming Chen.

“Even moderate alcohol consumption increases the chances of having a stroke.”

Prof. Zhengming Chen

At the same time, he notes, “The findings for heart attack were less clear-cut, so we plan to collect more evidence.”

Although the researchers acknowledge that they could not reproduce this study with a cohort of European descent, since these populations do not typically have the two genetic variants, they nevertheless argue that the current findings are relevant to all populations.

“Stroke is a major cause of death and disability,” notes Prof. Liming Li, a co-senior author, who adds: “This large, collaborative study has shown that stroke rates are increased by alcohol. This should help inform personal choices and public health strategies.”

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The post ‘Even Moderate Alcohol Consumption Increases Stroke Risk’ appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

The 4 Types Of Doctors Visits You Should Make For A Long, Healthy Life

From Time:

Prevention is often called the best medicine — but research has shown that millions of Americans are not getting the preventive care they should to live long, healthy lives. Obstacles like inadequate access to care and financial barriers can keep people away from the doctor, but anxiety and feeling like care is unnecessary are also common deterrents.

“There are a lot of things that every person could do to stay healthy, and this could help people to feel better, improve their quality of life and help them to live longer,” says Dr. Alex Krist, a professor of family medicine at Virginia Commonwealth University and vice chair of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF), a panel of experts that sets a variety of preventive care recommendations for Americans. (See all of their recommendations here.)

While a person’s exact medical needs vary depending on their age, sex, lifestyle behaviors and family health history, Krist says there are four main kinds of preventive medicine that could help every American live their best, longest life.

Screenings

Screenings are an important but complicated area of preventive care. “What’s right for an individual person depends a little bit on their overall health and their condition. It’s not always as simple as, ‘At this age, do this test,’” Krist says. “Science is continually evolving, so we’re continually learning new things, and the guidelines and recommendations frequently change.”

Even though the USPSTF does not offer a specific recommendation on annual physicals or wellness visits, Krist says it can be useful to regularly visit a primary care provider or family medicine physician, who can assess your specific risk profile and run the appropriate tests or refer you to specialists who can. “Primary care is really the specialty of preventive care,” Krist says. And that specialty is an impactful one: A recent study published in JAMA found that for every additional 10 primary care physicians in a population of 100,000, the group’s life expectancy would increase by 51.5 days.

Most adults should be screened regularly for high blood pressure, depression, sexually transmitted infections, skin cancer and substance misuse, according to the USPSTF. Most other screenings are specialized depending on age, sex and individual risk factors.

And while many Americans are not up to date with their recommended screenings, Krist also says it’s important to avoid over-testing. Cervical cancer is a good example, he says. While the USPSTF recommends screenings every three to five years for most women, some patients want yearly tests — which may increase the risk of false diagnoses and over-treatment, he says. “In some cases, more is not better,” Krist says. “It’s about getting the right preventive care at the right time.” Here, too, your doctor can help you figure out what screenings you really need, and on what schedule.

Immunizations

Getting the appropriate vaccines is an effective and easy way to avoid contracting and spreading diseases, Krist says. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) maintains a detailed list of recommended vaccines by age, from birth through adulthood. While most are given in childhood and last for life, the CDC recommends the flu shot for almost every American each year. The human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, which was recently approved for adults as well as teenagers, can also help prevent cervical cancer, potentially prolonging your life.

Counseling

Any person with mental health concerns, or diagnosed conditions such as depression and anxiety, should see a professional. But counseling isn’t just therapy; talking with your primary care physician about lifestyle habits can have an impact on your overall health and longevity. “Four health behaviors probably account for about a third of excess premature deaths in America: not eating right, not exercising, smoking and unhealthy alcohol use,” Krist says.

Getting those habits under control, with help from a health care practitioner if necessary, can reduce your risk of conditions including obesity, depression, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer and premature death, research shows. One 2018 study even found that exercising can be enough to help people override a genetic risk of heart disease. A 2017 study also found that about half of cancer cases are attributable to controllable factors such as diet, exercise and alcohol consumption.

Preventive medications guidance

Depending on your specific health profile, your doctor may recommend certain medications to help prevent chronic diseases, Krist says. For example, doctors recommend that some older Americans take a daily aspirin to help prevent cardiovascular disease (although research in this area is evolving, and a daily aspirin does not appear to be safe for everyone). Some medications have also been found to reduce a woman’s risk of breast cancer.

Working with your doctor to address these four areas of preventive medicine can help you feel better now and put you on the path to longevity.

The post The 4 Types Of Doctors Visits You Should Make For A Long, Healthy Life appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

40 Male Celebrities Who Don’t Drink Alcohol

From Men’s Health:

Robert Downey Jr., Samuel L. Jackson, and Rob Lowe are among a large cast of A-listers who are committed to sobriety.

Some people abstain from alcohol because of serious addiction. Others do it because booze just doesn’t jive with their lifestyle. Whatever their reasons, these 40 notable men show that you don’t always need a drink to feel good and be the best at what you do.

Bradley Cooper

Cooper may be great at playing a drunk rocker, but in real life he’s a completely sober actor. Cooper put down drinking at 29 because he believed it to be affecting his work.

Robert Downey Jr.

Downey quit drinking in 2003 and, five years later, picked up the most lucrative role of his career as Tony Stark in the Avengers franchise.

Rob Lowe

Lowe put down the bottle for good 28 years ago (even if he doesn’t appear to have aged much since then). In an interview with Men’s Health, Lowe said exercise played a key role in his recovery.

Brad Pitt

Pitt once admitted that he couldn’t remember a day since college that he hadn’t been drinking. That’s all behind him now.

Dennis Rodman

Rodman is on the road to recovery once more after relapsing last year. He’s vowed to stay sober this year.

Russell Brand

The comedian credits the support of his 12-step program for helping him get clean 17 years ago.

Terry Crews

Crews jokes that he’s crazy enough sober as it is. He’s not risking drunk Terry.

Steve Austin

Stone Cold Steve gave up his signature beer chugging last year.

Zac Efron

Efron has said sobriety helped provide structure to his life and boosted his self confidence.

Dane Cook

The comedian says he abstains from alcohol as part of a healthy lifestyle.

Calvin Harris

The international superstar DJ admitted he would drink two bottles of whiskey a night. He decided to get sober in 2014.

Daniel Radcliffe

Radcliffe turned to alcohol to help manage fame. (He even admits to being drunk during the filming of Harry Potter). He has been sober now for 5 years.

Anthony Hopkins

Hopkins said he was hungover during much of his theatrical career and that, reflecting on his alcoholism, he’s still surprised he hadn’t died during those years.

Stephen King

The best-selling writer says that for much of his career the scariest monster was not being able to write sober. In sobriety, he has vanquished the monster.

Ben Affleck

Affleck has struggled with alcoholism for much of his life and has checked into rehab multiple times. He’s sober as of 2019.

Eric Clapton

The legendary musician chose sobriety after the death of his son in 1991.

Andy Murray

After a particularly bad bender as a teenager, Murray gave up alcohol, fearing it might jeopardize his tennis success.

Macklemore

Treated for alcohol and opioid addiction, the Seattle-based rapper is blunt about his reasons for sobriety: If he can’t keep it together, he says, he will lose everything.

Warren Buffett

The man worth over $80 billion makes all his cold hard cash without ever celebrating over a cold one.

Larry Ellison

Another sober billionaire is Ellison, the cofounder of Oracle Corporation. He says he avoids things that cloud his mind.

Kendrick Lamar

Lamar has rapped about his distaste for the substance and hip-hop’s celebration of it in “Swimming Pools (Drank).”

Gerard Butler

Butler has been sober now for over 20 years. Before then, he said, he would drink with a death wish.

Ewan McGregor

After drinking on set and feeling generally unhappy, McGregor quit in 2001. He hasn’t gone back.

Pharrell Williams

Williams says he’s been drunk a total of nine times in his life and that alcohol just isn’t for him.

Brett Favre

Though Favre admits to drinking excessively during the early part of his playing career, he has been sober since 1998.

Matthew Perry

Perry has been alcohol and opiate-free since 2001.

Tim McGraw

Before his last drink in 2008, McGraw was closer to the singer Bradley Cooper portrayed in A Star is Born than he may have liked.

Jim Carrey

Carrey turned away from alcohol and other drugs in order to be more present in the here and now. He admitted to using substances in the past to cope with depression.

Tyler, the Creator

The rapper doesn’t just keep away from booze, he also reportedly bans all alcohol and drugs from his studio.

Colin Farrell

After 12 years of sobriety, the actor checked himself into rehab last spring. Not because he started drinking again, but to guard against the possibility of relapse. Respect.

Chris Martin

Martin has said his band Coldplay struggled with alcohol issues in the past. Now he goes without liquor or coffee.

Samuel L. Jackson

When he was younger, Jackson says he would often get drunk or high. But he got tired of that lifestyle, and now he hasn’t touched a drink in more than two decades.

Joe Manganiello

Manganiello has said that if he hadn’t quit drinking 17 years ago he might now be dead. He credits sobriety with helping him become the man he always wanted to be.

50 Cent

50 may have his own champagne brand, but the rapper steers clear of alcohol himself.

Dax Shepard

Shepard is entering his 16th year of sobriety. He said for the first 12 years he would wake up every day and admit that he was an addict. Reminders helped him push on.

Keith Urban

Urban has spoken about his life before sobriety as a kind of enslavement. After an intervention in 2006, Urban has been alcohol free.

John Goodman

Goodman admits to being drunk during “The Big Lebowski,” breaking his rule of never drinking at work. He’s been sober now for nine years.

Alec Baldwin

Baldwin says he was fortunate to have tackle addiction when young. He has been sober since 1985.

James Franco

Though Franco was arrested for underage drinking, he was able to quit drinking by his late teen years

Eminem

Love him or hate him, you have to admit Marshall Mathers has had to battle a lot of demons. He declared himself 11 years sober last month.

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Top 5 Lessons From Mom

What are your lessons from mom? Not everybody has a great relationship with his/her mother. I have plenty of friends who are no longer on speaking terms with their moms for a variety of reasons. That’s heartbreaking for me because I’m fortunate to have a good relationship with my own mom. Over the years, I’ve picked up a few important lessons from her. In honor of Mother’s Day, here are the top five:

1. Respect

My first lesson from mom (and dad) taught me respect, so I grew up respecting them. It’s a two-way street, and I know I was fortunate to have had such trust and confidence from my mom. I was allowed to go out to friends’ houses and parties, and they knew I would be safe because they respected me. They let me have this responsibility and freedom because they trusted me to make safe and healthy decisions.

2. Self-Expression

My second lesson from mom was self expression is important. In my high school days, I was enamored with funky-colored hair. I was always too much of a chicken to actually bleach my hair, so my mom and I would color over my ginger-brown locks with streaks of semi-permanent blue dye. We’d spread sheets of newspaper over the kitchen tiles. Then we’d make a mess and spread blue all over my hair. sure we were getting just the right amount of blue in there. With her help and acceptance, I was able to have some fun and experiment with my appearance. I didn’t have to hide it or stress about negative opinions.

3. It’s Okay To Cry

My third lesson from mom was that it’s okay to have emotions. My mom is a very strong lady, but she can be a little emotional sometimes. I adore her for it. When Marley and Me came out in theaters, I told her not to go because she’d get fined for flooding the theater. I learned through her weeping at the drop of a hat that crying is fine and healthy. It’s okay to show emotions. We aren’t meant to be robots.

4. Don’t Lose The Kid Inside

My fourth lesson from mom is enjoy the fun and keep it going. When the holiday season swings around, my mom and I get pumped. From September until Boxing Day, our house is decorated for something. Halloween is a big deal in my house. Once mid-August rolls around, we’re counting down the days for the super store Spirit Halloween to open. This past October, we decided to make our own Halloween wreath together and it turned out pretty well. And at Christmas, we’re ready to dive into the several bins in the garage to deck the halls.

5. Unconditional Love

My fifth lesson from mom was that she could listen and make up when we disagreed. While I’ve never gotten into a great war with my mom, we’ve had our disagreements. But no matter what, we got over whatever wall was wedged between us. We always made up pretty quickly. She was, and is always there for me, whether it’s with a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or arms open and ready for a hug.

I don’t have those lessons at the front of my brain all day, every day because they’ve been ingrained in my mind. But I know they’re important, helpful tips for many others. Do you think any of these lessons can help you or someone you may know?

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Is Cannabis As Addictive As Opioids

From the Guardian The persistent belief that marijuana is psychologically but not physically addictive is a myth, experts say. As marijuana goes mainstream, there is a persistent belief that it’s not addictive. That is in part because addictive behavior emerges more slowly than with substances such as opioids – and cannabis withdrawal isn’t the living hell of getting off those drugs.

 Illustration: George Wylesol

But the truth of the matter is clear: “There is no debate that marijuana is both physiologically and psychologically addictive,” says Aaron Weiner, a psychologist and the director of addiction services at Linden Oaks Behavioral Health, a clinic in Illinois. Cannabis withdrawal, according to a 2004 study he cites, can lead to irritability, anxiety, negative mood, loss of appetite and impaired social functioning. Withdrawal symptoms tend to be more severe in heavier users, and have also been observed in non-human primates.

Drugs differ in their effects, but the symptoms of addiction are relatively consistent. Cannabis use can begin as a social activity and then “it becomes the way you relax and cope with your problems,” Weiner said. For problem users, it becomes more central to their lives and takes precedence over seeking fulfillment in work and relationships.

In almost all cases, the possible consequences of marijuana addiction aren’t viscerally awful like an opioid overdose or a tobacco-related illness. And compared with alcohol, by most accounts, marijuana use is less likely to precede a life shattering event like a car crash or physical violence.

Excessive cannabis use is often described in gentler terms, such as“psychologically but not physically addictive” or “habit forming”. But the drawbacks are real. They’re considered most severe for users under 25, since their brains are still developing. Studies have shown heavy teenage cannabis use can depress school performance and even lifetime earnings. It’s also during this period of life that the drug has been linked most closely to psychotic episodes.

To the marijuana industry’s credit, legalization in US states does not appear to have led to a jump in youth cannabis use. It has however led to significant increases in adult use, a trend all but certain to continue, as more states legalize the drug and it becomes more socially acceptable.

Still, cannabis is the second most common addiction Weiner treats, after alcohol. He estimates one in 10 adult cannabis users will become problem users. But compared with alcohol, the consequences of excessive adult cannabis use are less understood, especially since the cannabis products available today are far stronger than a few decades ago.

What’s clear is that a lot more people will spend a lot more of their time stoned. “We don’t need more stoned people,” Weiner said. “When you’re stoned you’re not at your best and anything that increases that behavior is not good.”

That’s the perspective of a public health professional. By the same logic, alcohol shouldn’t be commercially available either, but it is in much of the world. In one way or another scores of countries have weighed the drawbacks of legal alcohol and decided allowing it is better than the alternative. But no one yet knows the drawbacks of commercially available cannabis.

To Weiner the villain is the for-profit marijuana industry. Legalization has gained widespread support in the US thanks to a two-pronged PR strategy of promoting cannabis as a “medicine” and wellness product, even when the evidence of its benefits is anecdotal or non-existent, and trying to demolish the stigma of cannabis as a drug for losers. “Their goal is not public health, their goal is addiction,” Weiner says. “When I speak out against this topic it’s against my financial interest – which I can’t say for the people on the other side.”

As with any landmark new product – smartphones, cars, fossil fuels – the marijuana industry has the inherent advantage: once their downsides become apparent, it’s impossible to live without them.

Alex Halperin  @alexhalperin

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Why American Moms Are Seriously Struggling

From USA Today:

Analysis: Economic, cultural and technological changes have piled on new pressures for moms.

Mother’s Day brings syrupy ads and greeting card platitudes. Maybe flowers, jewelry, breakfast made by someone other than her.

But there’s dissonance between the ritual and the reality. 

We celebrate moms who work to meet society’s demands, who overextend to fill in the gaps, who never cease sacrificing for those they love. But is this the version of motherhood to revere? 

“This ideal of what it means to be a good mom is to put your child’s needs above your own. An ideal worker in the U.S. economy means being fully dedicated and committed with your undivided attention – that you can come in at a moment’s notice, that you don’t have anything that distracts. This doesn’t work if you have kids,” said Caitlyn Collins, a sociology professor at Washington University.

American mothers are struggling.  

Economic, cultural and even technological changes have dramatically altered the landscape of motherhood in recent decades, piling on new pressures and needs: 

In 1975, more than half of mothers stayed home with their kids. Today both parents work in 70% of families with children.Child care costs on average $12,350 to $13,900 a year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. In some cities, it’s double that.Dads are taking on more parenting responsibilities than ever, but surveys show it’s still unequal in more than half of households even when both parents work full-time. Nearly half of grandparents live more than five hours from their grandkids.Moms in 2016 spent 14 hours a week outside work on child care, up from 10 hours a week in 1965, according to the Pew Research Center.Social media is pervasive, and research shows mothers who frequently compare themselves to others on social media feel more depressed, less competent and less positive about their co-parenting relationships.

It’s no wonder moms are stressed, experts say. 

“People think motherhood is inherently overwhelming because we’ve made that idea seem natural,” said Virginia Rutter, a professor of sociology at Framingham State University in Massachusetts and author of “Families as They Really Are.” “We normalize the hardships of motherhood. … This is now what’s familiar.”

Combine a lack of public policy with a culture that bullies mothers for everything from breastfeeding in public to sleep training, and the generosity of a single holiday starts to pale. 

America the outlier

Experts say the United States has the most family-hostile public policy of any developed country, and Collins’ new research shows among Western industrialized nations, American mothers stand apart for their stress and feel the most acute work-family conflict. 

It starts the moment women become mothers. The U.S. is the only country in the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) not to offer paid leave on a national basis. 

Paid leave is available to 17% of U.S. workers through their employer, according to the U.S. Department of Labor.Unpaid leave is available under the federal Family Medical Leave Act for 59% of workers, but many moms, especially those of lower socioeconomic status, can’t afford to take it. The result is that nearly half of women in the U.S. take less than two months of maternity leave, and nearly one in four say they return to work within two weeks of giving birth, according to the National Partnership for Women and Families. 

Experts say returning to work so soon after having a baby is dangerous, jeopardizing a woman’s recovery and putting her at increased risk for depression. Studies show depressed mothers have a harder time caring for their babies, and children of depressed parents may suffer academically, are more likely to have behavioral issues, and are at higher risk of developing their own mental health problems.

Once women return to work full-time, most need childcare. Of the nations in the OECD, the U.S. is one of the five least affordable nations for child care. 

More than half of Americans live in neighborhoods classified as child care deserts, defined as “a ratio of more than three young children for every licensed child care slot,” according to a 2018 analysis from the left-leaning Center for American Progress.

Child care breakdowns often mean at least one parent has to miss work. Over a six-month period, 45% of parents miss work at least once because of a child care issue, according to the non-profit Child Care Aware of America. And when gaps in childcare exist, it’s moms who are most likely to bridge them: 75% of working moms stay home when a kid is too sick to go to school.

Dads are doing more, but moms still do the most

Despite dads spending more time on child care than they did a half-century ago, and 40% of moms being the breadwinner in their families, more than half of two-parent households where both parents work say moms do more to manage the day to day of their kids’ lives, according to Pew. 

“Even the most egalitarian couples, once they have kids, find it very different and difficult to have egalitarian division of labor,” Collins said. “Marriages turn more traditional. Yes, I think policies are part of it, but I also think it’s cultural attitudes about what men and women are good at and those deeply gendered aspects of who we think takes care of kids.” 

Same-sex couples report more equitable divisions of labor, but research shows that even in those relationships the higher earner tends to take on fewer household responsibilities once they become parents.

Gendered attitudes are also reflected in polling on public policy. Pew found 82% of Americans say mothers should have paid maternity leave, while only 69% support paid paternity leave. Those who support paid leave for both say mothers should receive more time off than fathers.

The gender pay gap also widens when women have kids. Women are paid less than men, even in the same jobs, according to Pew, and research shows the wage gap is worse for women with children who face a steep “mommy tax.” Motherhood is tied to a 4% decrease in earnings per child, while fatherhood is tied to a 6% increase, according to a 2014 study by University of Massachusetts-Amherst sociology professor Michelle Budig. The penalty for mothers is worse for low-income women who can least afford to pay it and is especially harmful to the one in four mothers who are raising children on their own. 

‘It takes a village’ … so where’s mine?

Even as fathers in two-parent households are more involved, families are often less so. The proverbial “village” it takes to raise a child feels increasingly rare. Forty-four percent of parents over 50 have grandchildren living more than five hours away, according to a 2012 study from AARP. Among U.S. grandparents who’ve helped their kids out with childcare in the past year, nearly three-in-four said they did so only occasionally, according to Pew.

“I grew up in my mother’s village with her parents, her sister and brother and all the extended family,” said Amber Aaron Mosley, 35, who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, 5-year-old son and 1-year-old daughter. “My mother’s family helped raise me. If she needed a break, her parents lived 15 minutes away, her siblings were 30 minutes away. I’m married and my husband and I are full-time entrepreneurs with two active children but no grandparents in the immediate area and no siblings to balance it out either. It’s been very overwhelming.” 

Even neighbors and other families seem less likely to offer support. Gone are the days of mothers keeping an eye on neighborhood kids from the porch. Those moms are working or driving children to activities or making dinner. And if children are seen playing unsupervised, it now might end with reporting their mother to police. 

More than a quarter of new mothers experience lonelinessafter giving birth to their first child, but researchers say cultural expectations make it difficult for new mothers to admit to anything but positive emotions, so the scale of the problem may be even larger. 

Mom shaming 

Some moms have turned to social media for community, and they have found it. Forty-five percent of mothers who use social media “strongly agree” they get support from friends on social networks.

Last month, a mother’s Facebook post went viral for its resonant depiction of the often conflicting advice moms receive, such as “Keep your mind on your work and not your tiny helpless baby” but “Enjoy your kids. THESE ARE THE GOOD TIMES.” 

But social media also creates new stresses. Mothers stumble more visibly, and the ostensible “togetherness” of some moms can make many of us feel we’re not doing it right. One study found mothers who post more on Facebook report more depressive symptoms after nine months of parenthood than other moms.

Mom-shaming may be nothing new – society has long sent messages about what it means to be an “ideal mother” – but the internet and social media have created new spaces for moms to suffer judgment.

Six in 10 mothers of young kids say they’ve been criticized about their parenting, according to a 2017 report from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health at the University of Michigan. 

Celebrities are no exception. Kylie Jenner was shamed for going to Coachella after Stormi was born, Olivia Wilde for kissing her son on the lips and Chrissy Teigen for holding Luna wrong. 

Mosley says that as a mother of color, she has felt a particular kind of scrutiny. 

“Sometimes we all have … complete fail moments in motherhood – oh my goodness I dropped the ball, I made a huge mistake – and sometimes there can be a feeling [as a mom of color] that we’re being judged for a lack of capability rather than just having a terrible moment,” she said.

Parent educator Janet Lansbury, host of the podcast “Unruffled” and author of “No Bad Kids,” says shame and pressure contribute to moms feeling more stressed these days.

“I’m finding a lot of perfectionism in young parents right now that comes from some of the ways that they were raised. They feel they have to be perfect parents and so sometimes they want every little detail spelled out for them,” she said. “I think there’s a lot of fear because of that.”

There is also fear due to the flood of health scares and negative news that comes through social media. Roughly 3 in 4 parents say school shootings or the possibility of one are a significant source of stress, according to the American Psychological Association’s 2018 Stress in America report. This was not true of previous generations.

What’s a mom to do?

Becoming a mother is an extraordinary gift, one that changes a woman in extraordinary ways. Some of those changes are welcome – the maddening love we feel for our kids. Others are more uncomfortable to navigate – the loss of identity, of the freedom to move through the world without the literal and metaphorical weight of our children.

Lansbury says part of rejecting society’s impossible expectations begins with reframing the way we think about what it means to be a mom.  

“If we’re feeling like we have to keep our child happy and fulfill their every desire and ride the waves of their emotions, all of those things are not going to allow us to have self-care,” she said. “So my focus with parents is helping them to see their child as a whole person, so you can be in an actual relationship with them where it’s not you just servicing them all the time.”

Sally Lipe, a mom of a 15- and 17-year-old from Columbia, South Carolina, says it’s something she wishes she would have realized when her daughters were young. 

“In hindsight, I should have made the kids do more for themselves. They could’ve started doing their own laundry. They could’ve been making their own lunches,” said Lipe, who worked part-time when her children were young and now works full-time as a human resources manager. “You get into a habit of doing things all the time.”

For working parents especially, Lansbury said it’s important to temper expectations.

“I think if parents could normalize what life actually looks like with these challenges then I think they’d be able to survive them better and actually have more genuine joy,” Lansbury said.

There are things individual moms can do to release themselves from expectations that are at best untenable, and at worst dangerous. But to change a system, Collins says mothers must recognize what they deserve – support, equity and gratitude that goes beyond a box of chocolates (even beyond that tender Mother’s Day card from your preschooler). 

What’s good for mom is good for …

Advocates for family-friendly policies say one of the biggest obstacles in enacting them is their incompatibility with American individualism, which says Americans are responsible for solving their own problems

“Somehow the shame moms feel when they’re facing adversity within their families makes them believe this is a problem they must own as individuals,” said Sarah Fleisch Fink, general counsel and director of workplace policy at the National Partnership for Women and Families. “They don’t see that these are problems all of us face regardless of race or ethnicity or socioeconomic status.”

Collins interviewed 32 American mothers for her new book, “Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving.” She says that during her conversations, moms would frequently burst into tears. So many of them felt they were failing.

“What I heard from working moms was this idea that when things were difficult, it was their own fault and they needed to try harder,” Collins said. “And if they did try harder … they could relieve the cascade of stress they were facing. They didn’t expect help from partners or their government, and when they did have equal division with a partner, or when they were allowed flexibility at work, women felt abundantly grateful. We don’t think of these things as rights or entitlements. We think of them as privileges, and when you think of something like parental leave as a privilege rather than as a right, it changes what you think you deserve.” 

The majority of paid-leave supporters across the political spectrum say paid time off should be provided by employers rather than the government. 

“A lot of people say, ‘I don’t want to pay for your kids.’ I’m confused by that,” Collins said. “We already know this is good for kids and families, good for businesses and the economy. The hurdle we face is people don’t want to pay into a system to support everyone. But we have a public education system for kids 5 to 18 that’s publicly funded. We’re already doing that for kids, raising them in some collective sense of knowledge and values.”

The U.S. Department of Labor said in a 2015 report that paid maternity leave would increase women’s participation in the workforce. The absence of such a policy, it said, costs the country more than $500 billion of additional economic activity per year. The Center for American Progress says nearly $29 billion in wages is lost when working families don’t have access to affordable childcare or paid family and medical leave.

A body of research has found paid leave and flexible workplace policies benefit employers because it allows them to recruit talent and then keep it, which reduces turnover. These policies have also been shown to make workers happier and more productive, according to a 2014 White House report.

A survey of 253 employers affected by California’s paid family leave found over 90% reported either no effect or a positive effect on productivity, profitability, turnover and morale.

Research also suggests expanding paid leave would reduce public assistance spending, according to a 2014 report by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research. 

“Women have been making things work a long time, but it takes a big toll,” said Melissa Boteach, vice president, income security & child care/early learning at the National Women’s Law Center. “Somehow everyone figures out how to make it work, but what is the cost of that? Not moving up in a job? Getting fired because you didn’t have paid leave? Not being able to get the degree you want because you couldn’t find stable childcare? When you add up the losses, the cost of inaction is higher than the cost of providing parents what they need.”

Where are the politicians?

The paid leave plan many Democrats support, reintroduced in February by 2020 presidential hopeful Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) and Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.), is called The FAMILY Act, which would create a national fund to provide workers with up to 12 weeks of partial income when they take time off for the birth or adoption of a child, their own serious health condition or one of a family member, or certain military caregiving. The proposal would be funded by employee and employer payroll contributions, averaging less than $2 a week for a typical worker. 

Every Congressional candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination is a co-sponsor of The FAMILY Act. When Beto O’Rourke was in the House, he was a co-sponsor, too, according to the women and families partnership group.  

Republicans have introduced their own proposals. During his State of the Union in February, President Donald Trump expressed support for paid family leave, which his daughter Ivanka Trump has long championed. His 2020 budget proposes providing paid leave to new mothers and fathers, including adoptive parents.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) and Rep. Ann Wagner (R-Mo.) proposed a family leave plan where new parents can pull from their Social Security benefits to take time off.

Advocates say they are encouraged more lawmakers on both sides of the aisle recognize the value of paid leave, though sorting through the details remains a challenge.

“There’s disagreement around what the policy looks like, what it contains and how it’s paid for, but it wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t have agreement on the existence of a problem. It was an integral part of the last election cycle and we expect it to be the same for the next one,” Fleisch Fink said. 

The issue of family and medical leave got its first hearing in the Democratic-controlled House Ways and Means Committee on Wednesday. Lawmakers from both parties expressed enthusiasm for acting.

“It’s critical that we find a way to do this and do it together,” said Rep. Vern Buchanan, R-Fla.

The NPWF’s annual report found significant variations in leave policies across the country and only a handful of states with paid family leave for private sector workers. Currently, California, New Jersey, Rhode Island, New York, Washington, D.C., and Massachusetts have all enacted paid family and medical leave programs. Of those seven, California, New Jersey, Rhode Island and New York plans are fully in place and paying benefits. 

Being a mother isn’t supposed to be easy. But it’s also not supposed to feel impossible. Motherhood involves sacrifice. It’s a complete reworking of our lives and our selves. But the research shows again and again that mothers are better parents and better workers when they have support. It’s time, advocates say, they come to expect it.  

“We should be outraged as a nation about this and we’re not,” Collins said. “We think this is inevitable. It’s going to take a revolution in terms of our cultural attitudes for women to get what they deserve. And everyone deserves more. All of you deserve support, not just those who can negotiate. All workers across the socioeconomic spectrum. Getting people fired up, getting them angry, getting people to realize that this truly is something they’re entitled to, is the only way things will ever change.”

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