Leslie Glass's Blog, page 245
August 31, 2019
How I Survived Wedding Season in My First Year of Sobriety
I learned this much at my first wedding reception. I was 6, and a flower girl in my cousin’s bridal party. It was 1996, and I heard songs like “Macarena” and Hootie & the Blowfish’s “Only Wanna Be With You” for the first time. I danced for hours in my pink floor-length dress, emerging sweaty and exuberant at the end of the night.
“I love weddings!” I screamed at my parents as they put me to bed.
Weddings are also an escape from reality, a few fairy-tale hours. As an anxious child, I loved to escape. I lost myself in stories and make believe, creating and retreating into universes that felt safer than my own.
This urge to escape had evolved into a complicated relationship with alcohol. I was a frequent drinker, wrecked by hangovers and anxiety in the days following a night out. So when I turned 28, in September 2017, I quit drinking with the help of a therapist. I worried about things like dating without alcohol and sharing my decision to get sober with friends and family. Soon enough the benefits outweighed the fears. I was sleeping better, experiencing less anxiety, and relishing hangover-free weekends. Still, I had seven weddings scheduled in the next 12 months, all without a plus-one.
For me, weddings had always provided a free pass to over drink. Open bars and Champagne toasts meant that even “normal” drinkers imbibed more than usual. I couldn’t imagine what a sober wedding would look like, or how it could possibly be fun.
My first sober wedding — a few weeks later, in November — was a black-tie affair in New York City. As I entered the hotel alone, I felt like a baby deer learning how to walk. I was genuinely looking forward to celebrating the bride and groom, but my sobriety felt like a shameful secret. At cocktail hour, I filled my hands with food; heaping plates of cheese and passed appetizers, anything to give me an excuse to apologetically shake my head when a server appeared at my elbow with a tray of Champagne glasses.
When the doors to dinner opened, I went straight to the bar purely out of habit. I had noticed that most of the drinks at cocktail hour were being served in tumblers, while a noticeably pregnant woman was sipping on a club soda out of a taller glass. “Club soda in a tumbler glass with lime, please.” The thought of anyone asking me why I wasn’t drinking was unfathomable. Faking I was drinking was better than risking someone asking me why I wasn’t.
A few months later, in January 2018, I flew to wedding No. 2. It was a destination wedding in Puerto Rico, where two college friends would exchange vows on the beach. This time, I decided to try a new approach to sober weddings: being the very best guest in attendance. I listened carefully to the vows, took my seat at the appropriate time for dinner, and laughed at the right moments during speeches. I danced with the bride, ate wedding cake and spontaneously jumped in the pool with other guests at the end of the night. As I drifted to sleep with damp hair and a full stomach, I felt proud of myself. I had been a fun wedding guest, even without alcohol, and surely that had to count for something.
The next morning, the bride confessed that she drank too many glasses of Champagne and her memory of the end of the night was a blur. She didn’t remember much from the dance floor, the cake, or the late-night swim. I was disappointed. I had been so focused on being a “good” wedding guest, but did it matter if the bride didn’t remember it? And was the point of weddings actually to please the bride and groom? I was unconvinced.Wedding No. 3 was another black-tie celebration in New York City. I was six months sober, wore a silver dress, and caffeinated beforehand to help me stay awake through the after-party. I watched the ceremony and felt genuinely happy for one of my closest friends. I also felt very single. After the ceremony ended, I ran into a friend of the groom with whom I had gone on an uneventful first date months earlier. We’ll call him Jake. I exchanged polite pleasantries with Jake before continuing into the cocktail hour.
The thought of anyone asking me why I wasn’t drinking was unfathomable. Faking I was drinking was better than risking someone asking me why I wasn’t.
An hour later, after spending some very intimate time on the dance floor with the bride’s younger cousin, Jake was at my table asking me to dance. In an alternate universe, I might have marched over to the bar with Jake after that first dance and engaged in an unspoken competition with his first dance partner to temporarily abate my feelings of loneliness. But as we danced, I felt uncomfortably aware of the reality of the situation. Fleeting attention from Jake wasn’t going to fill the larger romantic void in my life. I excused myself after the song ended and took refuge in the bathroom, my new safe haven at weddings. I looked at myself in the mirror, and knew I was deluding myself into thinking that validation from Jake would have any long-term impact.
Much like alcohol before it, it would only be a temporary fix. Luckily, when I got back from the bathroom Jake had already moved on and was back on the dance floor with his original partner. I ate cake with my friends and later fell asleep feeling relieved that I had successfully avoided waking up with an emotional or physical hangover the following morning.
The months between June and September are commonly referred to as wedding season, and my summer calendar matched the description. Weddings four through seven were packed into three months, in what ultimately became a sober-wedding boot camp. I put my new tools to the test: caffeinating before the ceremony and hiding out in the bathroom when I needed a few minutes to regroup or text a friend for support.
I also developed a new survival mechanism: Stick to the schedule. Unlike other parties, weddings provide a structured course of events that can be tremendously comforting when you feel out of place. There is a predetermined time for watching the ceremony, eating dinner, dancing, having your cake and going home. As I relaxed into this flow, I started to notice a few new things around me. It seemed like everyone was in their own world, experiencing their own versions of the night. I listened to a bridesmaid worry about the way her dress looked in photographs, while a sick guest downed cold medicine to get through the night.
This content was originally published here.
The post How I Survived Wedding Season in My First Year of Sobriety appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
PUDDLE OF MUDD Vocalist On His Sobriety: ‘It’s Been A Long Road, But It’s Well Worth It’
This content was originally published here.
The post PUDDLE OF MUDD Vocalist On His Sobriety: ‘It’s Been A Long Road, But It’s Well Worth It’ appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
August 29, 2019
Opinion | Ending the War on Drugs – The New York Times
Through LEAD, Jennings got medical care, clothing and housing. She also gained confidence in herself, people who cared for her and the idea that life could get better. “They’re some of the most caring people I’ve ever met,” she said of the counselors. “Whether you come in high or not, they always treat you with respect.” Now, she said, “I work to make them proud of me.”
Jennings remains a work in progress. She says she still sometimes uses cocaine, but less over time, and she adds that she’s no longer stealing. If she had been held in jail, she said, “it would have pissed me off, and I would have gotten high when I got out. I’d still be homeless, stealing for food and drug money.”
Prison, she says, just makes people more miserable and more dependent on drugs when they are released. “This bit about ‘I learned my lesson’ — no, it doesn’t work that way,” she said. “People are hurting inside. That’s why they’re using in the first place.”
The war on drugs began in 1971 out of a legitimate alarm about narcotics both in the United States and among U.S. troops in Vietnam. But the “war” approach locked up enormous numbers of people and devastated the family structure. Drug laws discriminated against African-Americans (possession of crack cocaine, disproportionately used by blacks, drew far harsher sentences than possession of the same quantity of powdered cocaine, more likely to be used by whites).
Yet locking up endless waves of users has had little deterrent effect, and overdose deaths have surged. The White House has estimated that the economic cost of the opioid crisis in the United States exceeds $500 billion a year, equivalent to about $4,000 per household. And that doesn’t even include cocaine, meth and other drug use.
While the U.S. doubled down on the criminal justice approach to drugs, Portugal took the opposite avenue, decriminalizing possession of all drugs in 2001. It was a gamble, but it succeeded. As I’ve reported, Portugal’s overdose deaths plunged. The upshot is that drug mortality rates in the United States are now about 50 times higher than in Portugal.
This content was originally published here.
The post Opinion | Ending the War on Drugs – The New York Times appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Here’s How To Cope With Impostor Syndrome
You probably know what it’s like to feel like an impostor. You just got hired for a terrific new job, and you end up telling yourself you got lucky. You’re throwing a huge party, but you’re certain the guests will know that you really have nothing interesting to say. You were chosen by the professor for an award, but you think they’ll take it away again when they find out you really aren’t qualified.
Alan Levine, Flickr.
Source: Creative Commons license Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0).
If you can relate to any of these examples, you might be experiencing a syndrome known as the impostor phenomenon. It describes a pattern of doubting your own successes, and harboring the chronic fear of being found out to be a total fraud, because you think you’re not as competent as you seem. This syndrome is widespread: according to a 2011 article in the Journal of Behavioral Sciences, about 70% of people will experience it at some point during their lives. It’s more common among those who are starting out on something new, like going to graduate school or taking on a new job. And it’s pernicious: because the fear of being found out is so much a part of impostor syndrome, hardly anyone talks about it, which makes it very hard to detect.
Impostor phenomenon (IP) was originally identified in the late 1970s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. At they time, they were writing about women in high-profile jobs, but they later recognized that IP was prevalent among the male population, as well. There are several main types of “impostors.” Perfectionists, for instance, set goals that are far too high to accomplish, and then when they can’t hit every target, they feel as if they’ve failed. IP is also found among people who consider themselves experts, and are desperately afraid of looking like they don’t know everything they claim to know. Other people can’t bear to ask for help, on any task, and when they realize they cannot accomplish something alone, they feel like phonies. Still other “impostors” have come to believe that they are naturally gifted, and that they should always be able to do well without exerting much effort. If one small task turns out to be out of reach, their sense of their own innate superiority can flip on its head, such that they feel like failures.
There’s no way to tell what kind of situation will inspire an impostor phenomenon reaction; sufferers may feel very competent in one area while doubting themselves severely in another. “Impostors” also tend to fall into vicious cycles of behavior. They may be paralyzed with fear over not being “good enough,” and thus they may excessively over-prepare. Think of the host who works for days in the kitchen to serve multiple, elaborate dishes at a dinner party because he or she believes that otherwise, the party will not be a success. Afterward, if the party goes well, the host may become convinced that the unnecessary effort has been essential, and may then continue to over-prepare for later events. IP can cause significant psychological difficulties like shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, heightened stress, or low self-esteem. And perhaps worst of all, it affects the impostor’s willingness to take chances, or to be optimistic about the future.
It’s not always easy to pin down what causes IP, or the perfectionistic tendencies it can inspire. Sufferers have difficulty internalizing their own accomplishments — but why? In some cases the phenomenon can be tied to the sufferer’s family of origin. An “impostor” might have grown up feeling as though high grades were essential to earning one’s parents’ love, or as if the parents would never be pleased no matter what one accomplished. Or perhaps the parents often praised their child for being “smart,” and thus unwittingly setting up a sense of absolutist meritocracy — the notion that the child was either smart or dumb, successful or failed, with nothing in between.
Importantly, though — according to the Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development — there is one factor that can reliably trigger impostor syndrome, and that is belonging to an under-represented minority group. Discrimination against such groups makes some people feel as though they are separate from those around them, and who may even harbor negative, stereotypical beliefs about their competence. Consider the experience of women in science, working amidst overwhelming numbers of men. Without the built-in comfort of looking and sounding like the typical person in the field, these women may feel as though they do not belong, as if they must work twice as hard to prove that they deserve the job they already have. Essentially, when you feel different from your peers — whether because of race, gender, sexual orientation or any other observable trait — you may feel like an impostor who will soon be found out.
If you feel this way — if you struggle to believe that you deserve everything you’ve accomplished — there are some tried-and-true ways to cope. First of all, you’ll need to start “watching yourself think,” and observing the ways your thoughts can turn against you. Identify the specific triggers to your impostor-like feelings. When you know what these are, start questioning them critically in your thoughts and challenging them in your behavior. Make written lists of the real things you’ve accomplished, as a reminder of your capabilities. In these lists, be honest with yourself about the things you do well, and of which you should feel proud, as well as the things you might have to work on a bit. (Which is fine; you’ll need to give yourself permission to be imperfect.) Perhaps, when consolidating your skills like this, you might think about sharing your expertise by teaching or mentoring someone else. You should also confide in someone you trust: a friend, a mentor, or a parent. You’ll most likely learn that you aren’t the only one who suffers from these feelings, and you might begin to understand that they are not only common, they’re normal.
When you take on a new project, don’t expect instant success. In fact, try to anticipate the opposite. Most first drafts aren’t very good; why should yours need to be perfect? And while you work, stop unnecessarily comparing yourself to others. It’s never good for you! If you believe other people are better than you, you’ll feel bad, but even if you tell yourself you’re better than they are, you’re still taking an invidious, unhealthy approach to that relationship. Remember that other people — even the non-impostors — are not smarter or more confident than you are. They are merely able to reframe problems in less negative, less absolute terms — as challenges, perhaps. They absorb criticism as suggestions about how they can change for the better. They also believe that it’s OK to ask for help when necessary.
In the end, if you’re compulsively doubting your successes, it may help a lot to remember that these feelings are universal. Everyone has a moment of doubt, every once in a while. It’s not possible to go through life without them. And it’s not a bad thing to realize that you don’t fully know what you’re doing, all of the time. Be reassured that it’s normal to go on learning and growing, throughout your life. As you do, you’ll also learn how to get through those moments without compromising your own confidence and effectiveness. “Good enough” is a very important idea; paradoxically, it’s often better than “perfect.”
This content was originally published here.
The post Here’s How To Cope With Impostor Syndrome appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Here’s How To Cope With Impostor Syndrome | Psychology Today
You probably know what it’s like to feel like an impostor. You just got hired for a terrific new job, and you end up telling yourself you got lucky. You’re throwing a huge party, but you’re certain the guests will know that you really have nothing interesting to say. You were chosen by the professor for an award, but you think they’ll take it away again when they find out you really aren’t qualified.
Alan Levine, Flickr.
Source: Creative Commons license Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0).
If you can relate to any of these examples, you might be experiencing a syndrome known as the impostor phenomenon. It describes a pattern of doubting your own successes, and harboring the chronic fear of being found out to be a total fraud, because you think you’re not as competent as you seem. This syndrome is widespread: according to a 2011 article in the Journal of Behavioral Sciences, about 70% of people will experience it at some point during their lives. It’s more common among those who are starting out on something new, like going to graduate school or taking on a new job. And it’s pernicious: because the fear of being found out is so much a part of impostor syndrome, hardly anyone talks about it, which makes it very hard to detect.
Impostor phenomenon (IP) was originally identified in the late 1970s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. At they time, they were writing about women in high-profile jobs, but they later recognized that IP was prevalent among the male population, as well. There are several main types of “impostors.” Perfectionists, for instance, set goals that are far too high to accomplish, and then when they can’t hit every target, they feel as if they’ve failed. IP is also found among people who consider themselves experts, and are desperately afraid of looking like they don’t know everything they claim to know. Other people can’t bear to ask for help, on any task, and when they realize they cannot accomplish something alone, they feel like phonies. Still other “impostors” have come to believe that they are naturally gifted, and that they should always be able to do well without exerting much effort. If one small task turns out to be out of reach, their sense of their own innate superiority can flip on its head, such that they feel like failures.
There’s no way to tell what kind of situation will inspire an impostor phenomenon reaction; sufferers may feel very competent in one area while doubting themselves severely in another. “Impostors” also tend to fall into vicious cycles of behavior. They may be paralyzed with fear over not being “good enough,” and thus they may excessively over-prepare. Think of the host who works for days in the kitchen to serve multiple, elaborate dishes at a dinner party because he or she believes that otherwise, the party will not be a success. Afterward, if the party goes well, the host may become convinced that the unnecessary effort has been essential, and may then continue to over-prepare for later events. IP can cause significant psychological difficulties like shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, heightened stress, or low self-esteem. And perhaps worst of all, it affects the impostor’s willingness to take chances, or to be optimistic about the future.
It’s not always easy to pin down what causes IP, or the perfectionistic tendencies it can inspire. Sufferers have difficulty internalizing their own accomplishments — but why? In some cases the phenomenon can be tied to the sufferer’s family of origin. An “impostor” might have grown up feeling as though high grades were essential to earning one’s parents’ love, or as if the parents would never be pleased no matter what one accomplished. Or perhaps the parents often praised their child for being “smart,” and thus unwittingly setting up a sense of absolutist meritocracy — the notion that the child was either smart or dumb, successful or failed, with nothing in between.
Importantly, though — according to the Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development — there is one factor that can reliably trigger impostor syndrome, and that is belonging to an under-represented minority group. Discrimination against such groups makes some people feel as though they are separate from those around them, and who may even harbor negative, stereotypical beliefs about their competence. Consider the experience of women in science, working amidst overwhelming numbers of men. Without the built-in comfort of looking and sounding like the typical person in the field, these women may feel as though they do not belong, as if they must work twice as hard to prove that they deserve the job they already have. Essentially, when you feel different from your peers — whether because of race, gender, sexual orientation or any other observable trait — you may feel like an impostor who will soon be found out.
If you feel this way — if you struggle to believe that you deserve everything you’ve accomplished — there are some tried-and-true ways to cope. First of all, you’ll need to start “watching yourself think,” and observing the ways your thoughts can turn against you. Identify the specific triggers to your impostor-like feelings. When you know what these are, start questioning them critically in your thoughts and challenging them in your behavior. Make written lists of the real things you’ve accomplished, as a reminder of your capabilities. In these lists, be honest with yourself about the things you do well, and of which you should feel proud, as well as the things you might have to work on a bit. (Which is fine; you’ll need to give yourself permission to be imperfect.) Perhaps, when consolidating your skills like this, you might think about sharing your expertise by teaching or mentoring someone else. You should also confide in someone you trust: a friend, a mentor, or a parent. You’ll most likely learn that you aren’t the only one who suffers from these feelings, and you might begin to understand that they are not only common, they’re normal.
When you take on a new project, don’t expect instant success. In fact, try to anticipate the opposite. Most first drafts aren’t very good; why should yours need to be perfect? And while you work, stop unnecessarily comparing yourself to others. It’s never good for you! If you believe other people are better than you, you’ll feel bad, but even if you tell yourself you’re better than they are, you’re still taking an invidious, unhealthy approach to that relationship. Remember that other people — even the non-impostors — are not smarter or more confident than you are. They are merely able to reframe problems in less negative, less absolute terms — as challenges, perhaps. They absorb criticism as suggestions about how they can change for the better. They also believe that it’s OK to ask for help when necessary.
In the end, if you’re compulsively doubting your successes, it may help a lot to remember that these feelings are universal. Everyone has a moment of doubt, every once in a while. It’s not possible to go through life without them. And it’s not a bad thing to realize that you don’t fully know what you’re doing, all of the time. Be reassured that it’s normal to go on learning and growing, throughout your life. As you do, you’ll also learn how to get through those moments without compromising your own confidence and effectiveness. “Good enough” is a very important idea; paradoxically, it’s often better than “perfect.”
This content was originally published here.
The post Here’s How To Cope With Impostor Syndrome | Psychology Today appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Health And Fitness Apps: 10 Of The Best To Keep You On Track
FitSense is a fitness app designed to help you succeed with your fitness and nutrition goals. There is a free version of the app available but all members at Gym Plus can use the premium version for free. Members can use the app to check the club schedule and book a class. It also includes personalised training and nutrition plans, designed by a trainer at your fitness assessment, to keep you motivated.
Furthermore, the FitSense app allows Gym Plus members to earn reward points every time they check in to the club or a class. They can then exchange these points for gym gear, healthy goodies or money off vouchers.
Gym Plus members can also sync the app with the professional and highly accurate Tanita scales in each club. Allowing them to measure, record and track their body composition. The scales measure five segmental body areas as well as overall:
Weight
Body fat %
Visceral fat
BMI
Metabolic age
Water retention %
2. MyFitness Pal
MyFitnessPal has been on the market for over 10 years now and is one of the leading health and fitness apps. Users can set diet and fitness goals and access the vast network of users for support and tips. The app has a database of over 6 million foods allowing users to log everything they eat. The handy barcode reader makes it very easy to scan foods, calculate and store caloric and nutritional information.
[Available Free iTunes App & Play stores]
3. LifeSum
Similar to MyFitnessPal, LifeSum is an app designed to help you reach your health and fitness goals and create healthier eating habits. The one advantage LifeSum has are its wide range of personalised diets and meals plans to suit any goal, food preference and taste. The recipes are tailored to the diet you choose or is recommended to you based on the quiz available to take. It also takes into consideration any food allergies you have.
[Available Free iTunes App & Play stores]
4. Couch To 5K
Have you always wanted to try running but don’t know where to begin? Or are returning to it after a long break? Then we would recommend starting with this free Couch to 5K app. The programme gets gradually more challenging over the eight weeks but you will be surprised how quickly you will be able to sustain longer run times. And at the end you will be well prepared to run your first 5K. [Available Free iTunes App & Play stores]
5. Strava
And if you want to track your progress with your couch to 5k or ready to take it to the next level, there’s Strava. If you are training for a marathon, race or competition Strava can help you track your fitness and record your progress. You can record routes, map your favourite trails and analyse your training with the stats. This free app allows you to train smarter, tacking distance, swim pace, cycle speed, elevation gained and calories burned. Compete against others in monthly challenges and find new trails with the world’s largest trail finder.
[Available Free iTunes App & Play stores]
6. FitBod Weight Lifting Trainer
Fitbod keeps your gym sessions fresh and fun by mixing up your workouts with new exercises and maximizing the use of your available equipment. This app has been developed by certified personal trainers to bring the best-practices of strength-training to the user.
Each user can tailor their workout programme to suit their individual goals, ability, experience and environment. It aims to deliver balanced workout routines that build in rest periods and avoids overworking muscles. There are a wide variety of exercises to choose from, which helps to strengthen your musculoskeletal system over time.
Furthermore, you can integrate it with Strava and FitBit. There is a monthly subscription fee for this one but you can try it out with a 7-day free trial.
7. HeadSpace
And let’s not forget about building in some rest to your health and fitness routine. If you are looking for something to help you relax, induce better sleep and focus more during the day, meditation may be the solution you are looking for. Meditation has been proven to increase blood flow to your brain, reduces the production of the stress hormone cortisol and lowers blood pressure and heart rate. It has also been proven to help the brain become better at receiving and processing new information, essentially allowing you to be more efficient at learning.
To help you with meditation, we recommend Headspace. It is one of the most well-known meditation apps on the market. And although this one isn’t free, it is well worth the monthly subscription fee. Headspace has hundreds of guided meditations, mini-meditations, sleep sounds, SOS medications for emergencies and even meditations for kids.
[Available For Monthly Subscription After Free Trial]
8. Yoga Studio
Similarly, yoga can help you live a healthier and happier lifestyle. It can help you develop better balance and endurance. As well as help you improve flexibility, strength and stamina. It has also been proven to boost energy levels and improve mood.
So if you are considering taking up yoga or if you’re an experienced yogi, we recommend Yoga Studio.
This app is a yoga and meditation app that features over 130 videos and meditations ranging from 5 to 60 minutes. The wide range available means you can always find a class that’s right for you. You can quickly search for classes based on the intensity level, ability and duration. Or you can browse the featured collections for inspiration.
[Available For Monthly Subscription After Free Trial]
9. Daily Water
If you struggle to stay hydrated or just need a reminder to drink your recommended daily intake of water, then DailyWater is for you. This handy app allows you to set your daily water intake goal and then log every ounce with just a tap. Proper hydration isn’t just about not being thirsty. There is a range of health benefits that come from consuming H2O – from better digestion, temperature regulation to fewer headaches and clearer skin. It can also help you perform better during your workout.
So this app is very useful as you can review your daily goals and chart your progress.
[Available Free on iTunes]
10. Daily Boost
And last but not least, if you need help clarifying your purpose, breaking through obstacles and staying motivated we recommend the Daily Boost podcast. This is the straight-talking coach you need to help you achieve your goals. A motivation podcast that is fresh, funny and personable. It’s packed full of motivation strategies and tips that are useful in all areas of life, not just your fitness.
The Daily Boost is available every Monday on iTunes, Spotify, Radio.com and others.
If you are ready to start your fitness journey or take it to the next level, why not try out Gym Plus for free with a one-day guest pass. You can download it for free HERE!
The post Health And Fitness Apps: 10 Of The Best To Keep You On Track appeared first on Gym Plus.
This content was originally published here.
The post Health And Fitness Apps: 10 Of The Best To Keep You On Track appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
11 Things People Don’t Realize You Are Doing Because Of Your Anxiety
Sometimes, anxiety can be so debilitating, that you can’t muster enough energy to go out. No matter how excited you were for the event beforehand, when the day actually comes and your anxiety is in full force, you say no. You don’t want to be a burden to anyone if you were to go, so the best choice for you is to not attend.
2. Obsess over things people normally would never think about twice.
You obsess over everything in your head. Most likely, the things you obsess about would never cross someone’s mind who doesn’t have anxiety. Maybe you obsess over a conversation you had last week, or the way your boss looked at you the other day. Maybe you obsess over the fact that your boyfriend hasn’t texted you in a day, and you worry if you said anything to upset him. Whatever it may be, it’s hard for people without anxiety to understand why you are so caught up in things that wouldn’t even matter to them.
3. Wake up early in the morning even when you’re tired.
Sleep is always an issue for you. It’s hard for you to get to sleep because you have so many things to digest and contemplate about the day you just had. Because your mind never seems to shut off, you never fail to wake up early with worries that have already entered your mind. You tend to wake up super early sometimes because you need to get going, and get everything done in a timely manner. Sleeping in is definitely a challenge for you because you can’t switch off your anxiety once you are already awake.
4. You constantly fear the worst scenario in every situation.
Before first dates, you are convinced it’s going to go terribly wrong. Before going on a trip, you envision everything falling apart. Before going on a road trip, you fear accidents. When you get sick, you get terrified that there’s something truly wrong with you. The list goes on and on, and it seems silly to others. But for you? It’s real fears. It’s real to you.
5. You replay conversations over and over in your head.
You try to avoid confrontation at all costs, because it causes your anxiety to get worse. When you have an argument or even a conversation that seems lovely to the other person, you continue to think about it after it’s said and done. You can never get it out of your head and you always think you said something wrong. It can really eat you up inside, and you always have to remind yourself that it’s just your anxiety talking, and everything is most likely fine.
6. You become more worried for yourself when people voice concern for you.
When people ask you if you are ok when you are having an anxiety attack, or when people come to you when you are way over your head with negative thoughts, it makes your anxiety worse. Of course they all mean well, but when others worry for you, it makes you think – “If they are worried, then I should worry even more about myself!”
7. You think it’s your fault when someone doesn’t reply right away.
Whether it’s your significant other, your best friend, or sister, you constantly get worked up when people don’t respond to you. People without anxiety would usually not pay it any mind, but for you it’s a huge deal. Usually when people don’t answer you or text you back, you think that it’s all of your fault. You always think that you did something wrong, when most likely, they are just terrible at communication.
8. You sometimes feel like you are having a breakdown every few days, when mention of the future is brought up.
The future is a huge trigger for you. You hate when people ask you what your plans are for the next five years, and it will cause you to retreat. Graduating from high school and college for most people is very exciting, but for you it can be incredibly daunting and scary. You hate when people talk about their own future because it makes you feel like you aren’t good enough.
9. You constantly compare your success to other people who are the same age as you.
You constantly see on Facebook that people your own age are getting their dream jobs, and it makes your head want to explode. You don’t want to compare yourself to others, but sometimes your anxiety gets the best of you and you can’t help it. You worry if you are ever going to measure up to them, and if your goals are ever going to come true.
10. You replay every mistake you make, and always beat yourself up over it.
Especially if you make a mistake at work, it can consume your thoughts and can ruin your day, or even week. You constantly strive to do the best that you can do, but when you accidentally send something that you shouldn’t, or when you do something you weren’t supposed to do in the office, you can get really down on yourself. Anxiety can truly be your worst enemy.
11. On some days you are too physically and mentally exhausted to get out of bed.
Some days, your anxiety can be so strong, that you truly feel unable to do anything but lie in bed and cry. At times, the world can be way too much for your mind to handle, and you’ll need to take a few days off and rest your mind and tired body. Anxiety can have a huge effect on our health, and it is not something to brush off to the side. It can be truly harmful, and a lot of people don’t understand the effects it can have on an individual. 
This content was originally published here.
The post 11 Things People Don’t Realize You Are Doing Because Of Your Anxiety appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Blowing Hot And Cold (The Psychology Behind The Dating Game)
Have you ever felt like the guy you are dating is taking you for a ride on an emotional roller coaster that doesn’t seem to stop? I bet you have. Because the dating scene has become filled with men who look at dating and relationships as a game; a game of blowing hot and cold, to be precise.
The blowing hot and cold psychology seems easy to detect when you are just a bystander. But when you are the one who is pulled into that emotional roller coaster, easy becomes difficult.
Because no matter how evident the red flags may be, you are unable to see them clearly or you feel so much that you are willing to look past all the signs of danger around you.
Sooner than you know, you find yourself stuck in limbo, and you can’t recall how all of that happened to you in the first place. You blame yourself for being a terrible judge of his personality, but the truth is that even the strongest and most careful ones get trapped in this cruel game.
The game of hot and cold is, without a doubt, one of the biggest modern weapons for playing with the human psyche and destroying the body, mind and soul! It is an endless chain of seduction, manipulation, retreat, and repetition of all of it again and again.
It is really hard to track those merciless players of the hot and cold game (if you’re not informed about the game) because they have perfected their moves to the extent of doing anything and everything for you—only if they see that you would fall for it.
They are capable of doing anything to win your trust and heart. And once they have gotten you, BOOM! They immediately switch their game and turn into a cold douchebag.
But, not all hope is lost. The good news is that those who engage in the hot and cold dating game have established a well-known pattern of hot-cold-hot and because of it, you are able to foresee their next move and target the douchebag faster. The pattern goes like this:
1. Blowing hot
He is the sweetest creature you have ever met. He is all over you. His texts are regular, and he never misses out on a chance to send you a kiss goodnight. He plans dates. He sweeps you off of your feet on the first date.
He seems kind and interested in everything you have to say. He has a sense of mystery attached to him that makes you want to get to know him better. You can imagine being in a long-term relationship with him because he is both an embodiment of a good man and best friend in one.
Sometimes you think your life is a dream because everything happened so fast. Before you met him, you didn’t have any hope that you’ll ever meet someone like him, but now it happened, and you couldn’t be happier. You even tell your friends and family about him, and you can’t wait for them to meet him—your special one.
You believe that there is no better man than him for you out there, and you forget all your past heartbreaks and casual hookups in a second. You believe that you have finally found him and that in no time, you’ll be happy and in a committed relationship.
You believe all this because he blows hot. He does everything you ask him to and more, and he does all of this because he wants you to think that he’s the perfect guy for you. He knows what women want and he can easily transform into anything you want him to be because his main goal is to trick you into his game of hot and cold.
2. Blowing cold
All of a sudden, he pulls away, he is indifferent, and his communication skills are minimal. He even disappears, and you can’t make sense of anything. Everything seemed great. You haven’t had an argument. You were convinced that he was relationship material because nothing was off.
And here you are, staring at the last text message he completely ignored or the one in which he broke a date at the last minute. His cold behavior is driving you crazy and makes you feel like a lunatic because you have no idea how to deal with it.
He becomes the only thing on your mind, and you can’t decipher whether he’s playing hard to get, keeping you at arm’s length or iss a narcissist in disguise. All of a sudden, your life is no longer the fairy tale it used to be. You start questioning all of his actions and words he ever said to you, and you simply don’t trust him anymore.
You even blame yourself for this although there is no valid reason for it. You know that you didn’t do anything wrong, and you still can’t help yourself but think that you must have done something wrong or that you’ve insulted him one way or another, and because of that, he simply got mad and ran away from you.
Even though you don’t know the real reason for his cold behavior, him disappearing from the face of the earth is a clear sign and the biggest red flag that something’s not right.
Since there is no way you can reach him, you finally make your peace that everything ended, and you wait for the inevitable breakup part because there is nothing you can do about it.
3. Blowing hot (again)
Then out of the blue, here he is again. He reappears and wants to come back into your life. He acts like nothing happened and continues to behave like everything is great between the two of you as if you’re on a date for the first time. If you play along, he will continue to text and ask you out when it best suits him.
If you ask him where he went off to, you will get a series of well-established excuses of how he just needed some space, how he was busy, how he had some personal things to deal with and didn’t want to get you in the middle of all of that. Whatever you choose to do, he will return to his cold mode again.
So you see, the blowing hot and cold pattern is highly predictable but the thing is, once you cross paths with someone who is an expert at this dating game, you will be hooked at stage one #blowinghot. He will awake feelings in you that are so strong that you will find yourself going against your better judgment.
The thing you have to realize is that he knows exactly what he is doing and that stage one is the most important one. He is love bombing you to keep you hooked. When a man engages in love bombing, he is openly showing his infatuation with you. He makes an actual effort to keep you happy, and he uses any means necessary.
It can be something as simple as sending good morning and goodnight texts, sweet, flattering words, paying attention to the little things or love paragraphs glued to your mirror or stuck in your car window.
The point is, he will go above and beyond to make you happy and make you fall for him hard—so hard you will be able to forgive the freezing cold period.
The essence of the blowing hot and cold psychology is to keep you interested, no matter what. He uses the good times to make up for all the bad ones. He uses games to keep you close but not too close.
He knows just the right amount to give you—enough to hold on to but never enough to feel safe and entirely loved. He always leaves you guessing and questioning his intentions.
He knows that no woman will put up with such poor behavior right from the start; that’s why this initial hot period is inevitable.
He is luring you in with the perfect beginning. His behavior is impeccable, and he treats you like you’ve always wanted to be treated, so you can’t help but interpret it as something that has the potential for greatness.
That’s why every time a cold period comes along again, you go back to that perfect beginning in your mind and you keep hoping that things are going to be great again. They won’t. This initial hot period and all the later hot periods are just a part of his game plan.
Things get worse and worse. And every time he comes back again, he is blowing hot, his excuses get better, his efforts become bigger, and he gets your hopes back up, just so he can bring them back down.
But blowing hot and cold psychology will exhaust even the most powerful feelings. Mixed signals and inconsistency will drain you of all your emotions and decrease your self-esteem, bit by bit.
You will try to make sense of things. You will yearn for some reasonable answers.
You want things to work so badly that you start believing in his lame excuses. But whatever you do, you go back to that never-ending emotional roller coaster and it’s only a matter of time before you will jump out of it.
If you still believe that there is the slightest chance of change, your best option is to confront him, speak openly and tell him to stop playing games, tell him that you are sick and tired of him blowing hot and cold and making a mess out of your emotions.
If he stops, there is still some hope. But nine times out of ten he won’t stop because deep down he really doesn’t want things to be different. He is comfortable with the way things are now.
He is fine with the way things are now. He has you close, but he is keeping his distance. His blowing hot and cold psychology came with your approval. You allowed him to come back into your life one time, and he now believes he can do it for as long as he wants.
The sad reality is that he probably can’t or won’t change. There is no goodness in him because he clearly lacks empathy. He doesn’t care about all the pain and suffering he is bringing into your life. He only cares about himself.
He will always blow hot cold to hide the fact that he is emotionally unavailable and totally unprepared to have or sustain a meaningful relationship. The blowing hot and cold psychology will always be his main game and even though deep down in his soul he knows that he’s just a waste of time, he will still not do anything about it.
A real relationship won’t involve a man who is blowing hot and cold. It will involve a man who won’t use mind games to keep you hooked, a man who is consistent and sure about you and his feelings toward you , not the one who gives you the cold shoulder on a regular basis. A man who is there to stay and try to see where things will go.
You have to leave that toxic situation because nobody can do it for you. You have to stop letting him into your life for your own sake, and admit to yourself that you deserve way more than an immature man who is just playing games with your feelings and wasting your time.
He likes having you around but only when it suits him. The moment something doesn’t, he will be out of there for as long as he wants. At the back of his mind, he will know that he has the option to come back; he will use the fact that you care about him. He will keep you on the bench till someone else to play with comes along.
Deny him that satisfaction. Don’t allow him to come and go from your life. Be a high value woman and always protect your heart. Don’t allow him to treat you like a toy—stop the game!
83shares
This content was originally published here.
The post Blowing Hot And Cold (The Psychology Behind The Dating Game) appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Can You Eat Yourself Happy?
“Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.”
– Robert Redford
Can food make you happy? (Excuse me while I lick the Cheeto-dust off my fingers.) Of course it can, especially in the short term. Have you ever rolled your eyes heavenward while demolishing a slice of cognac-soaked tiramisu? But these quickie bites may be our undoing. Poor diets mess with our gut which, amazingly, can lead to depression and anxiety.
After some fifty years of noshing deliciously processed treats, depression is now the number one cause of disability in the world. The standard American diet (SAD) is making us miserable.
How did we get here?
It started with an inadvertent experiment on the entire population of America – the result of a series of bad decisions that ultimately led to a tasty, but nutritionally empty diet. Perversely, we are busily exporting this epic gastronomic failure to the rest of the world.
The tragic tale began with some bad science in the 1960s that unfairly demonized fats. It quickly picked up steam with some lousy politics along the lines of “government doesn’t have the luxury of waiting for the science to come in.” (For some reason, that never turns out well.) Based on that lack of expertise, the government then published a food wheel that was created by the USDA with significant input from agribusiness. They used their impressive lobbying muscle to ensure that we ate lots and lots of refined grains. The food wheel was the precursor to the famous – and similarly flawed – food pyramid and it was a big hit with grain farmers.
Add to the mix some corporate greed by companies who figured out how to game the system to produce almost everything using government-subsidized grain – especially corn. That, almost inevitably, led to replacing fat with syrup and starch. That sounds like a conspiracy, except that it was all done in full view of the public. We lapped it up.
Mood starts in the gut
It is completely unintuitive, but it turns out that many of our mental issues start in the gut. Not all depression is gut-oriented, of course. Life can throw curveballs and mess with our minds – and there can be strictly medical reasons as well. But we’ve known for centuries that gut problems can lead to mental anguish, psychosis and anxiety. Surprisingly, it is only with the 21st century that we have really understood the beneficial aspects of our gut microbes. They form a key part of the gut-brain axis which is rapidly changing the way we look at how our emotions and behavior are regulated.
You’ve heard of probiotics, and perhaps prebiotics – food for probiotics. But have you heard of psychobiotics? These are probiotics and prebiotics that improve your mood. Psychobiotics include bacteria like those found in fermented foods including yogurt, kombucha, kefir, and kraut. Psychobiotics also include complex sugars called fiber. Beneficial bacteria simply love fiber. You know, that stuff we’ve been refining out of food for the last 50 years…
You should get at least 30 grams of fiber per day. Hah! Only one in 20 Americans can manage that. The rest of us are eating delicious white breads, soft cakes and other fiber-free foods starting with breakfast bagels and moving on to late-night ice cream. We eat like children, scarfing the yummy treats and promising to eat some broccoli tomorrow. It’s killing us. It’s making us diabetic, overweight, anxious and depressed. But it sure tastes good.
The most unusual organ
We all have around three pounds of microbes in our gut. I know, it makes me a little queasy too. Why do we tolerate this alien invasion? It’s simple: We have no choice. Microbes are going to follow the food, no matter what we do. We have, over the millennia, arrived at a truce. The good microbes will keep out the pathogens, and in return we will feed them a continuous buffet.
The microbes in your gut act as the royal guards of immunity. Before your immune system knows that pathogens are even in the neighborhood, your gut microbes are already fighting back. Most pathogens are destroyed quickly with no fuss, because you have 100 trillion microbial bouncers in your gut, ready to deal with unlucky intruders.
But if you don’t feed your guardian microbes properly, they won’t be able to mount an effective counter attack. If pathogens are able to gain a foothold, they can disturb the lining of your gut. That lining is one cell thick, a ridiculously thin barrier against troublemakers. Pathogens can burrow and dig into this lining, allowing toxins or bacteria to leak into your bloodstream. Your heart obligingly pumps those potential poisons to every organ in your body, including your brain.
The root of all evil
Scientists now believe that almost all inflammatory diseases start in the gut, including diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and mental issues like depression and anxiety. Beneficial bacteria in your gut are therefore of utmost importance to your overall health and mood.
Psychobiotic bacteria even produce neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, two popular targets of antidepressants. So while those short-term fast foods can provide a jolt of joy, the long-term effect is a rotten set of microbes in your gut, unable to defend against the bad guys, and ineffective at lifting your mood.
What to do?
Step number one is modifying your diet to support your psychobiotic microbes. Here is a food pyramid that shows what you should really be eating.
The foods at the bottom are the ones to concentrate on. This is a lot like the Mediterranean diet, heavy on veggies, with some seafood to add healthy omega-3 oils to your diet.
Along with the pyramid, here are some more tips to grow a healthy set of gut microbes.
Stop eating sugar. Sugary foods feed pathogenic bacteria. Sugar is added to so many processed foods, it can be hard to escape. So check those labels. Better yet, cook your own food so you know what you’re eating.
Eat high-fiber veggies. These include foods like asparagus, leeks, artichokes, and garlic. The fiber in these foods will pass through your small intestines intact and make it to the colon to feed your healthy microbes. Grains are great if they are whole grains, and you can tolerate them. But refined grains are not much better than sugar.
Eat fermented foods. This is a great way to add some good bacteria to your diet. Most of these microbes will not stick around in your gut, but they will alter the environment for the better as they pass through. That means you should make this a daily routine. Excellent choices: yogurt, kefir, kombucha, and kraut.
Eat some fish. Omega-3 oils, found in fish like salmon, reduce inflammation and keep your body from going overboard and attacking your own tissues. If you’re a vegetarian or vegan, look to foods like walnuts to get your omega-3.
Try prebiotics. If you can’t get enough fiber from veggies, try topping off with prebiotic supplements. These are complex sugars called oligosaccharides (OS) in various flavors like GOS, FOS, XOS, and others. For mood, GOS has shown the best results. Also in this group is resistant starch. You can convert ordinary carbs to resistant starch by cooling them. Thus, cold potato salad is healthier for you than a hot potato.
Although we don’t know exactly why, exercise also helps your gut microbes. If you can follow these tips, your gut can change quickly: In as little as a week or two, you should notice an effect.
It won’t just be a better mood; you will radiate a healthy glow as your entire body recovers from the effects of processed foods. Give it a try! It can put a long-lasting smile on your face.
This content was originally published here.
by_scott_andersonThe post Can You Eat Yourself Happy? appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Can You Eat Yourself Happy? | Psychology Today
“Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.”
– Robert Redford
Can food make you happy? (Excuse me while I lick the Cheeto-dust off my fingers.) Of course it can, especially in the short term. Have you ever rolled your eyes heavenward while demolishing a slice of cognac-soaked tiramisu? But these quickie bites may be our undoing. Poor diets mess with our gut which, amazingly, can lead to depression and anxiety.
After some fifty years of noshing deliciously processed treats, depression is now the number one cause of disability in the world. The standard American diet (SAD) is making us miserable.
How did we get here?
It started with an inadvertent experiment on the entire population of America – the result of a series of bad decisions that ultimately led to a tasty, but nutritionally empty diet. Perversely, we are busily exporting this epic gastronomic failure to the rest of the world.
The tragic tale began with some bad science in the 1960s that unfairly demonized fats. It quickly picked up steam with some lousy politics along the lines of “government doesn’t have the luxury of waiting for the science to come in.” (For some reason, that never turns out well.) Based on that lack of expertise, the government then published a food wheel that was created by the USDA with significant input from agribusiness. They used their impressive lobbying muscle to ensure that we ate lots and lots of refined grains. The food wheel was the precursor to the famous – and similarly flawed – food pyramid and it was a big hit with grain farmers.
Add to the mix some corporate greed by companies who figured out how to game the system to produce almost everything using government-subsidized grain – especially corn. That, almost inevitably, led to replacing fat with syrup and starch. That sounds like a conspiracy, except that it was all done in full view of the public. We lapped it up.
Mood starts in the gut
It is completely unintuitive, but it turns out that many of our mental issues start in the gut. Not all depression is gut-oriented, of course. Life can throw curveballs and mess with our minds – and there can be strictly medical reasons as well. But we’ve known for centuries that gut problems can lead to mental anguish, psychosis and anxiety. Surprisingly, it is only with the 21st century that we have really understood the beneficial aspects of our gut microbes. They form a key part of the gut-brain axis which is rapidly changing the way we look at how our emotions and behavior are regulated.
You’ve heard of probiotics, and perhaps prebiotics – food for probiotics. But have you heard of psychobiotics? These are probiotics and prebiotics that improve your mood. Psychobiotics include bacteria like those found in fermented foods including yogurt, kombucha, kefir, and kraut. Psychobiotics also include complex sugars called fiber. Beneficial bacteria simply love fiber. You know, that stuff we’ve been refining out of food for the last 50 years…
You should get at least 30 grams of fiber per day. Hah! Only one in 20 Americans can manage that. The rest of us are eating delicious white breads, soft cakes and other fiber-free foods starting with breakfast bagels and moving on to late-night ice cream. We eat like children, scarfing the yummy treats and promising to eat some broccoli tomorrow. It’s killing us. It’s making us diabetic, overweight, anxious and depressed. But it sure tastes good.
The most unusual organ
We all have around three pounds of microbes in our gut. I know, it makes me a little queasy too. Why do we tolerate this alien invasion? It’s simple: We have no choice. Microbes are going to follow the food, no matter what we do. We have, over the millennia, arrived at a truce. The good microbes will keep out the pathogens, and in return we will feed them a continuous buffet.
The microbes in your gut act as the royal guards of immunity. Before your immune system knows that pathogens are even in the neighborhood, your gut microbes are already fighting back. Most pathogens are destroyed quickly with no fuss, because you have 100 trillion microbial bouncers in your gut, ready to deal with unlucky intruders.
But if you don’t feed your guardian microbes properly, they won’t be able to mount an effective counter attack. If pathogens are able to gain a foothold, they can disturb the lining of your gut. That lining is one cell thick, a ridiculously thin barrier against troublemakers. Pathogens can burrow and dig into this lining, allowing toxins or bacteria to leak into your bloodstream. Your heart obligingly pumps those potential poisons to every organ in your body, including your brain.
The root of all evil
Scientists now believe that almost all inflammatory diseases start in the gut, including diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and mental issues like depression and anxiety. Beneficial bacteria in your gut are therefore of utmost importance to your overall health and mood.
Psychobiotic bacteria even produce neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, two popular targets of antidepressants. So while those short-term fast foods can provide a jolt of joy, the long-term effect is a rotten set of microbes in your gut, unable to defend against the bad guys, and ineffective at lifting your mood.
What to do?
Step number one is modifying your diet to support your psychobiotic microbes. Here is a food pyramid that shows what you should really be eating.
Foods for Good Mood
Source: Scott Anderson/National Geographic
The foods at the bottom are the ones to concentrate on. This is a lot like the Mediterranean diet, heavy on veggies, with some seafood to add healthy omega-3 oils to your diet. Along with the pyramid, here are some more tips to grow a healthy set of gut microbes.
Although we don’t know exactly why, exercise also helps your gut microbes. If you can follow these tips, your gut can change quickly: In as little as a week or two, you should notice an effect. It won’t just be a better mood, you will radiate a healthy glow as your entire body recovers from the effects of processed foods. Give it a try! It can put a long-lasting smile on your face.
This content was originally published here.
The post Can You Eat Yourself Happy? | Psychology Today appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
