Yu-Han Chao's Blog

MAGIC: a children's book by Zoe Chao-Juarez & Yu-Han Chao

Now Available on Amazon.com!
Do you have a cat friend in your life? Maybe one with "black cat energy" who comes and goes as it pleases? 
When Zoe was 11 we started a story about our cat friend, Magic, and at 12, Zoe has now published her first children's book. Magic. is now available in hard copy print (English only) and ebook (bilingual Chinese + English) on Amazon.
Magic is a real cat. He hangs out with us and the neighbors (who named him). While friendly, Magic definitely knows what he wants or doesn't want. Like a man with commitmentphobia, he will come into your house but you have to leave the door open or he will freak out. Once he followed me through the garage door into the house looking for Zoe while she was at school, didn't find her, and ten minutes later I figured he was gone already and went to close the garage door. A black blob dashed across the living room, scrambling for the exit. Not sure what kind of childhood trauma he has, but this cat will never become a house cat. He does love Zoe and my dad, though.
Zoe & Magic
Magic & my dad. Note the open sliding door.
Please support Zoe and Magic's first book! Reviews are much appreciated! Zoe hopes people will buy her book and is super psyched there're 4 reviews on Goodreads.

Buy Zoe's book here:
Magic. ebook (Chinese + English)
Magic. hard copy print book (English)

Conflict Management Styles

It may be interesting to look at the Hofstede Cultural Dimensions and see if your family's culture comes from a more collectivistic (displaying concern for others) or individualistic (focusing on concern for self) background.


I wasn't excited to see that Taiwan was on the far collectivist side, but can't say that I'm surprised. It does explain a couple of things in my life.

In every workplace (and family), there are differing opinions and potential for conflict. The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument describes conflict management styles ranging from competing, collaborating, compromising, to avoiding and accommodating. The more assertive one is, they are more likely to compete, and the more cooperative and less assertive one is, they tend towards accommodating.

Studies also show, unsurprisingly, that women prioritize relationships over agenda and are more likely to be cooperative, whereas men prioritize their agenda over relationships (Steen & Shinkai, 2020).

The Dutch Test for Conflict Handling minces fewer words and uses more direct terms of Forcing, Problem Solving, Avoiding, and Yielding, highlighting that those who "force" others display the most concern for self versus concern for others, whereas those who have more concern for others over themselves, tend to "yield."



What is the biggest issue here? When there is a mismatch, often culturally, personality-wise, or even gender-based, between assertiveness and cooperativeness or concern for self v. concern for others. How can we compromise or problem solve in these situations? Or do we? Once again, this may happen at work or at home, and unfortunately, America is a country where the squeaky wheel gets the WD40 all day and all night, and those who have the most concern for themselves rather than others (even their own family or children), who force others, often get their way, or at least assume they always will.

References:

Sinskey, J. L., Chang, J. M., Shibata, G. S., Infosino, A. J., & Rouine-Rapp, K. (2019). Applying onflict management strategies to the pediatric operating room. Anesthesia & Analgesia, 129(4), 1109–1117.

Steen, A., & Shinkai, K. (2020). Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill. International Journal of Women’s Dermatology.

DM = Diabetes

According to the UCLA Center for Health Policy Research, patients with diabetes account for one in three hospitalizations in California, and according to Merced Sunstar, the percentage is even higher at nearly 36% in Merced County. Diabetes is the seventh leading cause of death in Merced County, with a death rate of 29%, higher than both state (20.7%) and national (21.3%) death rates, according to the Merced County Department of Public Health.Diabetes is an endocrine disorder that involves high blood sugar levels related to damaged pancreas cells or insulin resistance (insulin allows body cells to make use of sugar). Long-term, uncontrolled high blood sugar causes damage to small blood vessels in nerves and end organs such as eyes and kidneys, leading to diabetic complications of blindness, kidney disease, and nerve damage, and is often related to serious infections and the need for amputations.Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween, and apparently 4th of July are all sweets-heavy holidays that often send waves of diabetic patients to the hospital with extemely high blood sugars high enough to change their mental status and potentially endanger their lives. Diabetic ketoacidosis patients can arrive at the emergency room in states ranging from drowsy, happy-drunk, mean-drunk, confused, violent, to nonresponsive. For some patients, this is their first diagnosis of diabetes.

The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends that men and women over the age of 35 with risk factors such as high blood presssure or high body mass index (overweight) receive blood sugar testing for early diagnosis and treatment of diabetes. Well-managed diabetes does not have to drastically affect one's quality of life, though it is admittedly a hassle to poke one's fingers to check blood sugar and administer insulin with syringes 3-4 times a day. Some type II diabetics may be able to manage their blood sugar through oral medication, dietary changes and physical activity, but monitoring blood sugar is always a good way to protect oneself from ending up in the hospital or experiencing serious complications such as blindness, kidney failure or amputation.

High sugar levels can damage blood vessels just like high blood pressure can, and because blood vessels are everywhere in our bodies, feeding our brains to our toes, we need them to be healthy and not damaged in ways that may lead to a stroke, heart attack, or pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lungs). 
So even if you feel fine, go to your primary for checkups that include checking fasting blood sugar (not eating breakfast until your blood is drawn) to make sure you get the care you need and don't end up happy-drunk, mean-drunk or comatose at our emergency department after too many fourth of July cookies or Halloween candies!

Grandma

My grandmother in Taipei recently passed away. Here's a picture of three generations of women on my mother's side. I'm the girl in red and the only one living. I asked my daughter if she remembered her great grandma, to which she responded no. Story time.

My grandma, Miss Lin/Mrs. Chen, was an educated woman, a schoolteacher, a loving mother of four, and grandmother of eight. The loving mother part was her downfall, because after the death of her only son, my uncle, her favorite child and a successful doctor, she was never the same.

After moving from the U.S. back to Taiwan in fourth grade, I spent a school year with my schoolteacher grandparents in southern Taiwan since I could barely read and write Chinese. Grandma was strict. I had to do endless practice test papers under her tutorlage, and she threw away my favorite blanket, which I had slept with as far back as I remember. She was tough, except when it came to memories of her son. When I came home from school with a shameful 90% test paper for her to sign, she would break down and sob, "Your uncle always got 100%." I finally came home with a 100% test, and she still broke down and sobbed, "Your uncle always got 100%." My Grandpa had to hide all pictures of my uncle in the house, lest Grandma find one and break down. 

Other memories of Grandma include her assigning me the very serious task of watching the fish on the dinner table every night, to make sure stray cats didn't come take the fish before humans sat down to eat. Thinking back, I'm not sure why we didn't just close the sliding doors. When my grandparents moved to Taipei, she walked me to the bus stop every morning, laboriously, with her Parkinson's shuffle. Later she returned home to chase my youngest brother around the apartment all morning with a glass of milk, making sure he got his calcium.

The Parkinson's got worse. Her medications gave her side effects ranging from tremors, involatary movements to auditory and visual hallucinations. Eventually she moved to the Taiwanese version of a Skilled Nursing Facility, living on a feeding tube and no longer interacting with others in a meaningful way, but still visited by loving family almost every day.

Maybe there's no moral to her story, but it's remniscient of my mother's--that long term sadness/unhappiness can manifest as physical illness, taking away the last bit of quality of life unclaimed by the sadness in the first place. Also, some things, like the death of a loved one, we never get over. We just learn to live with it, carry on, even though it's always there, the sadness, just eventually no longer overwhelming or all-encompassing.

D = Dense

A mammogram is an X-ray of the breasts, complete with a dose of radiation exposure, boob-squishing plates on an impressively 360-degree-rotating machine and front-opening gown with no sleeves. Mammograms are currently recommended for women age 40 & up, or earlier for those with findings such as lumps, breast changes, family history, history of breast cancer, or BRCA1/BRCA2 genes.

I turned 40 last year, and after many reminders from my primary and much procrastination, finally got my first mammogram. In Imaging, a nice technician regaled me with stories of another facility popping someone's breast implant during the same procedure I was undergoing (presumably to make me feel better about clearly not having implants). She also informed me I was very dense, or at least my boobs were. The ultrasound impression confirmed that on a scale of A to D, A being mostly fatty tissue and D being almost all "dense" tissue, I scored a D, the first D I ever received in my life, and the first D ever associated with my bust.

The nice technician had squished something of an "architectural distortion" into my white-out mammogram, which they couldn't make out anything from anyway, so a few days later I received a somewhat pushy followup call that informed me I HAD to return for a second mammogram and ultrasound of both breasts. I groggily agreed to an appointment, having been woken up while trying to sleep between back-to-back night shifts. A week after that I received an official-looking, aggressive letter that I thought was going to say, "You are being sued" in English and Spanish on the top. The letter stated that some states (e.g. California) required a patient be notified by certified mail of abnormal mammogram results and be scheduled for followup within 30 days, because, well, everything causes cancer in California and I had not been sufficiently intimidated by the handkerchief gown, the squishing, distortion, aggressive followup-appointment-scheduler, and legal-looking envelope.

Last week I got the second mammogram, from a decidedly less gentle technician with popsicles for fingers, who then sent me to another room for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech arrived with a healthcare-student-looking person whom she said would be "standing in" during my ultrasound (a statement informing me that this person would simply be there, instead of asking for my consent). 

"You guys have the staff for chaperones?" I deliberately asked. 

"No, she's a student," the technician finally admitted.

I was a student not that long ago, too, so I didn't object, but I did briefly imagine a bunch of sonography students debriefing later and discussing all my mammillary abnormalities during an animated post-conference, and I could already see the student busily filling out clinical paperwork/homework about my freakish, very-dense breasts later that night.

The techs were kind enough to send results to the radiologist right away, so ten minutes later, they returned and told me the radiologist said, "Everything looks great," and I can go home. I wasn't sure if that meant the images were high definition with excellent 3D visual detail, therefore great; or the stupid breasts looked cancer-free, therefore great; or if it was just some kind of borderline-inappropriate, general, compliment coming from a heterosexual male radiologist, but I accepted the words at face value because it was past lunchtime and I wanted to go home and sleep before my shift.

A few days later I accessed my official ultrasound results online. The ultrasound was "negative," which in healthcare is generally good, as in, "I just got tested and am covid negative." It also said regular follow-up will be due in December 2022. Good grief, am I to go through all of the above every year (or every two years after 55) until I finally kick the bucket?

Booster

Got GlaxoSmithKline flu shot on my left deltoid, Pfizer covid booster on my right yesterday, and so far the main complaints are one arm about to fall off (guess which?) and insomnia.

The administering nurse told me others said the flu shot caused more soreness, so I got the booster on my right/dominant side. Right now, the flu shot soreness is tolerable, while the Pfizer side feels like something is actively chewing it off. Grateful for no fever chills anaphylaxis (life-threatening allergic reaction), however.

It took me awhile to decide to get the booster, up to the second the nurse injected me, as I felt the jab of a cold needle and thought, "well, too late to change my mind now." Initially, I wanted to hold out for a better booster, maybe the 2022 edition accounting for new variants. My previous two doses were enough to not land me in our own ICU, but ultimately with flu season coming, if there was anything I could do to not become patient zero somewhere or at least do no harm to immunocompromised or unvaccinated people, I should probably bite the bullet/booster.

After all, we all need a boost, booster, or shot these days, literal or metaphorical. It's been a long two years, the elderly and children especially have suffered, a lot of people (such as those children's caregivers) have died, and most of us could use more happiness, good news, a raise (gas prices & inflation though!)...a booster of some sort. 

The FDA approved a 30 mcg booster of the Pfizer shot that's 30% as strong as the previous two doses of 100 mcg each, while Moderna can be chased by a half-dose 50 mcg booster (previous doses were 100 mcg each). Hopefully smaller doses mean fewer side effects.

People should make their own decision regarding vaccinations (and boosters) for them and their kids based on individual and familial risk tolerance, though some agencies and organizations are making those decisions for them, which may save their lives, but there's no way to know unless alternate universes are a thing, where there's a Control You and Experimental You who live life exactly the same with the only variable being covid vaccination. Most of us can probably think of at least one person we know who would still be alive if there had been a vaccine mandate, however.

From what we're seeing in the hospital, vaccination, whether it's J&J, Pfizer or Moderna, makes the difference between a) a covid+ grandma chilling on room air or b) an unvaccinated, previously healthy dad kept alive (barely) by a ventilator pushing 100% oxygen hard and fast into his scrub-daddy lungs, whose cardiovascular system needs continuous IV medication to halfheartedly pump blood and whose kidneys filter nothing and necessitate daily dialysis. Did I mention the pain/discomfort of illness and interventions require continuous opioid pain medication and sedative-hypnotics or he would not be able to bear another minute of it all? A tracheostomy (hole in the throat), PEG tube (feeding tube surgically inserted into the stomach) and living out the remainder of life in a long term care hospital is the happy ending here--only it isn't, really.

My arm's off, but my lungs, kidneys and conscience are okay.

Squid Games

1. The Rose of Sharon has Bloomed

World’s biggest pistachiocreepy giant doll with machine gunwho knew the happiness/open-heart fruit,kai sing guo, blooms on trees?Blood everywherenatural and artificial selection at work (Is it natural selection if we warn them and they won’t listen?)
2. Triangle / Circle / Star / UmbrellaAre the cute alpacas decorated with pom pomsgoing to be sacrificed, the child inquires.To Yahweh by Abraham or Allah by Ibrahim(everyone knows they are the same, right?)But cross / Virgin Mary / star  obviously the same God and that never stopped the killingred suits black masks / circle / triangle / squareblack box tied with red ribbonno mother to bring you an umbrellaif good rain starts to fall
3. Tug of WarWho would have thought misogyny & ageisminformed a simple game?Snow or sand, freeze or burnSnow-colored lizards, even stowaway spiders albino. White man in white shirt drove white car to White Sandsmask on, blending in so he can watch the survival gameSunbursts over metal plankswalk off the plank or get pulled offthe rope of life guillotined in two
 

4. MarblesHave you lost them? That’s okay, as long as you don’t lose them allGo to the ER for these warning signs:inability to breathe, confusionfacial droop / arm drift / speech difficulty = time to call 911.Metal dog barks at the moon in New Mexicoland of clay, aquamarine blue and hanging dried chilieslike garlic against vampireswarding off so many the towns deserted.Did you know there’s a ghost town in New Mexico called Corona?(going to leave that one alone)How about some holy water from El Santuario de Chimayo?
5. Glass BridgeLeft or right, glass might shatterCRISIS HOTLINE: There is hope, make the call (PUSH TO CALL)The bridge sells iridescent stonesexamine the light.Scrub Daddy rocks smilecarved with needle, not glacier
6. Squid GameWhy squid?Why not House, Triangle / Square, or Calamari?Independence Pass allows you to use both feetNational Geographic Series with moody sky and impossible dunes (re)directing the windVail vale and villagepurest of kitchens with mountain fishrock bullet came from nowhere no such thing as a free pass homesomething has to giveglass, cash or life

 

Things People Say

Do you realize your name rhymes with Wuhan?

(You don’t say)

There’s no way I’ll ever remember your name. 

It’s too hard.

Why do all the diseases come from China?

What nationality are you?

(Taiwan)

How’s the weather in Thailand?

You’re so tiny and cute.

What are you doing after work?

Just give me your number. I won’t tell.

Your English is so good.

When did you come to America?

What does your name mean, in your Native Language?

(Why does my name have to mean anything for you?)

Take off your mask. 

I want to see your face.

How old are you, really?

 

You Asian woman really like to take care of your men, don’t you?

I know you all like to keep your men clean.

Nurse! Sponge bath!

More 

ice,

please.

Bring me a sandwich.

What took you so long? Did you go to China to get it?

Asian women are so beautiful. And gracious. I went to Thailand, and the women there are so friendly, so grateful. They love Americans there.

You’re not from that WOO-HAN place, are you?

Lokahi = harmony & balance

Kahuna Nui Hale Kealohalani Makua  – “Love all you see, including yourself.” --Hale Makua

The “I” expands in the sky

too miniscule for singularity

collective consciousness the okina within molecules

            Cartesian after all

If you dream it

flight is possible

            after a couple covid tests

a dozen shades of turquoise and blue

wake up with clouds behind you

breakfast on the lanai in Lana’i

 

You are not alone

the statues

            they are watching

the pale one with stretched face

dark one on chunky horse

colony of cutter treehuggers

bright red O’Keeffe orchid on green lawn

Hermes with gunshot wound, front entry, side exit

            they move when you’re not looking

            closer

the bird with a bad leg

limps leisurely about the grounds

            kapu

 

Meditation deck before lotus pond

Aham Brahmasmi

            unless leg falls asleep

Rainbows from evenings, mornings, afternoons

to license plates & fallen leaves

 

Manele Bay

red sand black rocks indigo water

legends and folktales:

sea chamber to leave your lover

who can’t swim

cliff to take her, too

wall of seashells

 

Ironed ti leaves

blossoms braided by

girls in black pearls

from only school on island

 

Departure leis

two passengers on plane

twenty people in elevator

              no masks

beachfront hotels with sand beaches

that stand in pools

tourist bus outside temple

coconuts hairy or green

(Are we still allowed to say Chinaman’s hat?)

 

The universe a ball

double rainbows on fire

sunset to end all sunsets

haloed silhouettes

Hawaiian girl and Totoro

somewhere over the rainbow

            we fly

 

Mauka

Diamond Head with overwhelming head count

dark tunnel no air no masks

file of prisoners heading towards summit

cane, unvaccinated children and all

 

Makai

Conditions must be perfect

for the blowhole to blow

for ancestors to subsist on shellfish and plants

in coastal caves of Africa

red dust restaurant with oyster shells

            bibs

unsolicited advice

 

Farewell rainbow in light rain

Sun Yat-sen at airport

in permanent meditation by pavilion

Guardian spirit Honu

Hawaiian girl with hibiscus

waiting to 

take 

off

NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month

Whatever age you are, preteen or pushing 100, if you've ever felt like you have a book in you, NaNoWriMo Camp may be your chance to jumpstart your writing career! (And it's free!)

Traditionally, National Novel Writing Month is November. My first NaNoWriMo was 2006, when I was a creative writing student at Penn State. Between classes and grading and actual writing, I obsessively calculated how many words I would have to write each day to make the goal of 50k words in November. I was worrying about word count and trying to figure out what happens next in my book while eating turkey at a Thanksgiving party at my professor's house. Over various years of NaNoWriMo, I have written literary fiction, a martial arts novel, a chick lit novel (Bridget Zo's Diary!), dystopian fiction, and various mysteries. Some years I just edit a manuscript, including one year it was a story collection called SEX & TAIPEI CITY, now out with Red Hen Press.

NaNoWriMo is always free, and the good news is there are several NaNoWriMo events a year, including July being NaNoWriMo Camp. (Thank you, Sharon, for encouraging me to do the event this year!) It's a great idea for creative-minded young writers (entire high school classes do this together) to have a productive summer vacation. You can set your own goal, which can be writing, editing, and any number of words. The 50k word count is simply the minimum word count for what qualifies as a novel, but any writing is progress, or you can just mostly work on plot/planning (which may be what I do this July).

Where do you begin? You can start with a story idea, main character, then build that into a premise. My premise this time, for a novel-in-progress tentatively titled INTENSIVE, is this: A young ICU nurse with a dark past wants to redeem herself by helping others, but finds herself fighting death daily in an unraveling civilization with drug-resistant superbugs, epidemics, and scarce resources.*

The NaNoWriMo website (www.nanowrimo.org) offers a wealth of resources for new or seasoned writers. For instance, it has tools to help you develop your story idea, characters, build a world, construct plot, and more. The plotting part has always been a challenge for me. Thankfully, the NaNoWriMo website has resources such as The Plot Rollercoaster, 9 Step Plot Dot, or the Save the Cat Beatsheet, just to name a few, to help one achieve optimal plot structure. I've learned the hard way by writing several manuscripts the "seat of pants" way and winding up having to completely rewrite/replot--I believe planning plots and even scenes beforehand is the smart thing to do. It doesn't have to be a Hero/Heroine's Journey but the book needs a damn plot.

Once you finish your book, NaNoWriMo shares advice about how to find an agent or publisher, or alternatively, since life is short, it's easy to self publish through Amazon (Print on Demand as well as Kindle) these days as well.

Who wants to join me in writing/plotting this summer? Sign up any time for free at nanowrimo.org!

*This is pure distopian fiction. Our resources are not scarce, N95 masks are one-time use, and nobody said anything about covid. Also, I'm not young so that ICU nurse ain't me!