Rolland Sarver's Blog: Celebrate your Value - Posts Tagged "self-hate"

The Apostle Paul said, “No one yet hated their own body”. Oh, yeah?

Have you ever hated your own body? Maybe.

I have talked with people who were a mess of emotions and histories who seemed to deplore their body. Seeking to be released from it, they cut it, or sought to destroy it in some way or another. My question is: did they hate the body? Or did they not understand their value? You can be imprisoned in such anguish and emotional pain, that any next step or other option seems impossible. Bitterness and anger toward our own self can be a comfort zone. As a result, we can’t even imagine any other way to be. Our negative self-image becomes a defense mechanism. For instance, we could demean ourselves as a preemptive strike. Striking before someone else gets the chance. “Ah, ha, I got me before you got me!”

Was Paul referring to the physical body? After all, we feed and wash the body, and nurse the body when sick. So, what’s up with hating the body? Maybe it’s what’s in the body we can be so hateful toward. People who cut themselves are clearly harming the body, yet they don’t hate the arm or wrist. It’s something within they lash out at or hate or at least are frustrated with.
Maybe you have serious regrets about some choices in the past. Everyday a gray cloud covers your sky, keeping the sun from view. Is something gnawing at you? Something you feel can't be shared. A weight, literally crushing you, slowly but surely. This will lead to self-loathing and anger, directed inwardly. Don't go down with the ship! You may or may not be hurting yourself physically, but without a doubt, you are destroying yourself psychologically. I implore you, take steps toward freedom that comes from seeing your worth and value.

Share your story of truth.

Our youngest, the seven-year-old, had a secret to share. It was heavy on her heart. She had taken a shower and somehow cut her finger. We thought it was a razor, but she denied this when questioned. Claimed the sharp edge on the drain was the culprit. A few days later she fessed up to the truth, indeed it had been a razor cut. She was so relieved to feel heard by her mother. Afterwards she said to her mom, "It feels so good to tell the truth". I think we can all relate to this message and the peace that comes after we open our hearts. Bless the children and please find someone you can confide in if you have something weighing heavy on your heart and soul.

Don't wait for tomorrow. If your body and mind have been subjected to abuse, the steady message you have received sounds something like this: "You are a loser, lazy, dirty, revolting and worthless." This message is far too easy to believe. There might even be lots of evidence to support such labels. Just because you get knocked to the mat doesn’t mean you need to stay on the mat! These negative messages have become your comfort zone, in a twisted way it feels good and feels true. I promise, you weren't born to stay on the mat or even be in the ring. You can come up swinging but if you stay angry and frustrated, this will only keep you in the ring. Everywhere you show up will be a boxing ring.
Anger and frustration may serve you well at some point. Anger, for example, can be the catalyst which propels you forward, perhaps helping you draw a line in the sand. Anger and frustration will not change other people. You can waste staggering amounts of energy trying to change someone else.

Hate and anger... grrrr. Love is where it's at!

Hate and anger are both formidable opponents. Don’t be intimidated, they are powerful yet have a great weakness. All the anger and hate in the whole world can only destroy. It can never help or heal. Love on the other hand, is bristling with both power and might, one of the strongest substances known to man or woman. Only a half-ounce of love can dissolve mountains of hate and dissipate truckloads of anger. Only love has the capacity to heal and give hope. Love is alive and giving, it brings life to everything it touches. The spirit of love will never die or be extinguished. Hate brings death to everything it touches, it has only one destination which is the grave.