Angel Ackerman's Blog, page 10

The Rejected Planner Series

The Teenager proposed celebrating Yule this year, and including Christmas as part of that. As we are beyond broke, and participating in Amazon’s Vine Review program we both had no money for or need of stuff.

The season has been full of ups and downs, some lovely moments with the Teen and some interesting kerfuffles because we’re spending a lot of time in the house. It’s been two years since my father died and I can’t help but feel rejected by my family.

But I’m surrounded by good friends and my community at Parisian Phoenix, and I have made strong connections in 2023, even with the loss of my job at Stitch Fix leading to some relationships dissolving there as well.

But over the last few days, inspired by my dear blind friend Nancy Scott, I did a six or seven part series on TikTok exploring the planners and journals I have accumulated with the best intentions for 2024. And today I finished that series and combined them all on YouTube.

If any of you watch all 40-minutes of this, you’re insane.

Please, as always, consider buying books or simply reviewing books by your favorite “small” author. Keep us going– emotionally or financially.

The chiropractor, the dentist & the OVR counselor

Greetings, my dear readers.

Today I had a lovely day with the chiropractor, then the dentist (then an iced coffee at Panera) and email exchanges with my OVR counselor.

So this will be a discussion of health, disability and my job search. I’m at the midpoint of my unemployment benefits and I’m freaking out a little.

Let’s back up…

I have only been visiting my beloved chiropractor (who used to be a physical therapist) Nicole Jenson of Back in Line Chiropractic and Wellness Center every three weeks or so, in part because without the physical labor of my warehouse job and without any complications in my gait I have not needed her. (And that’s kind of great because I also have terrible health insurance right now and no job.)

But today I went to see her, and she was very relieved to hear that my condition has been good and I have not had a fall since Sept. 30. And this was my second visit in a row with no symptoms to report. She was also very impressed with my progress with my fitness and strength coach Andrew at Apex Training. He has been pushing me hard with the weights and the core exercises all because of some pre-New Year’s resolutions we made at the gym.

Get weight under 150 (oh, how I was so close and failed so hard. I got down to 156 and stress ate my way to a new high)Bench press 100 pounds (and I’m at 95 with more than a week to go)Squat 150 pounds (Andrew sneaked this one in, and I have no idea if I’m near it)Plank for 2 minutes (personal best currently at 1:10)

A dear friend pointed out that some of my exercise-induced asthma symptoms might actually be connected to caffeine intake, and Nicole definitely concurred that I needed to watch that also because of my balance issues.

And I’m still doing really well with balance and walking thanks to Andrew’s “lead with the knees” guidance.

After leaving Nicole’s, I headed to my six-month check up at the dentist. My dentist recently sold her practice– and she’s been my dentist for almost 35 years– but luckily the new dentist seems personable, smart and efficient. The staff complimented me on taking care of my beautiful teeth, to which I laughed and said, “really, let’s thank genetics because my dental habits are not what they once were.”

Then, at 1 p.m., I grabbed a KIND breakfast bar out of my bag for breakfast and headed through the Panera drive-through for an iced coffee. They offered a $3 per month subscription to their unlimited sip club for three months, and I love Panera’s iced coffee. So I treated myself. I had a meeting at Panera with the Echo City Team on Friday and I subscribed Friday a.m. I have since gone two more times.

By the time I got home, I had an email waiting from my OVR counselor. I decided that since I have some disability-related concerns about finding the right job for my next move, I would apply for assistance from the Office of Vocational Rehab. That way, the state knows I am doing everything I can to find a job. I spoke with my counselor on the phone yesterday, and had her chuckling. She said I am not her typical client, and in a way, it sounded like she was intrigued by seeing what she could do for me.

I compiled all the initial paperwork, and gave her another round today based on her subsequent requests. She’s had some interesting ideas on what her office might be able to do.

Then tonight at the gym, I was doing dumbbell rows with a 40-pound dumbbell and doing incline presses with a 35-pound dumbbell in each hand.

Road Trip! (Off to Brooklyn)

Last week, I had the opportunity to head out to Brooklyn and I had a great time– it was a fact-finding mission for someone I guess I can call a new client (since I’ve written 7,000 words on the project so far). I probably haven’t set foot in New York City for a decade, which is hard to believe but true. Most of my metropolitan travel these days takes me to Washington, D.C., and not to the Big Apple.

The trip in took 90 minutes, the trip out took three hours. Luckily, the company was good. I took about 25 pages of notes that day and got to talk with people who reminded me of some of the bright spots of my childhood. Italian food will do that.

I wanted to take a minute to share my from-the-car (and edited) photography.

It’s budget grocery shopping day!

I’ll be posting videos about my shopping if that is more your jam (food pun intended) so once I get this typed, I’ll start working on editing that footage.

For those of you who don’t normally read these posts or are new here: I’m a former journalist and the founder of Parisian Phoenix Publishing. I lost my full-time job in September, when Stitch Fix closed their Bethlehem (Pa.) warehouse. I’m hoping this might give me the chance to transition into at least part-time focus on my publishing company and its editorial services.

If you ever wanted to work with me, now is the time to pitch your project ideas. I’ve gone on a lot of interviews, and I high percentage of those led to second interviews. But none have led to a job. And I’m wondering if maybe it’s because I’m not looking for jobs in the word-related fields. I’ve been on social media marketing job interviews and business-related job interviews but none that speak directly to my deepest talents.

So, the publishing company is keeping me afloat– because unemployment compensation payments literally pay for the mortgage and the car insurance for the teen and I. My thermostat is set on 60. And we’re delaying a lot of things. But thanks to places like the Grocery Outlet and Dollar Tree we still have access to food.

I write these posts in part because I used to have a food blog where I chronicled cooking and shopping on a budget. (angelfoodcooking.blogspot.com) But I have had people tell me that I need to share some of these “tricks” because not everyone knows how to grocery shop on a budget. My daughter literally hands me her debit card and a list.

But if I had to tell you my #1 trick for saving money on food and household goods, it would be to know what you pay for things. It sounds lame, but the reality is if you don’t pay attention to what things “normally” cost you, you won’t know if something is a good deal. #2 would be to know the sale cycles. Target, CVS, and the major grocery stores all have sale cycles. Don’t feel pressured to buy something now because it’s “on sale.” That sale will be back, sometimes in as little as a month. Retailers want you to see the sale price and have an impulsive reaction to buy that product because it’s “such a good deal.” But the deal will return, just be patient and keep your eyes open.

#3. This is the one I used today. I set my expectations and my budget before I set foot in the store. I counted my money. I decided I had $20 for each store. In Grocery Outlet, I only considered items around $2.50 (or less). I really wanted the $8 gigantic bag of shredded cheese that would last a month, but that’s almost 1/3 of my budget. So I got the $2 8-ounce bag of shredded cheddar instead. The Teenager wanted chicken, but that also would have been about $8 and more chicken than I really need to survive. And right now we’re in survival mode.

Now, onto the purchases:

First, Grocery Outlet. I checked the app for any coupons. None available. I read the daily email sent out from them every day, because I’m a junkie. We’re going to build our meals based on what I find, and fill out gaps from products at the Dollar Tree in the same plaza.

Hunts Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes, big can. So big I may have to open it, use it, and freeze what’s left. Two cans at 2/$1.00.Polar canned crab meat. It was between this and a jar of asparagus. I have some egg roll wrappers in the freezer. OR I have rice noodles in the pantry. $2.99. Kale, fresh, big bag, organic. $1.99Veggieful plant-based frozen pepperoni pizza pockets, two servings, $1.49Green Giant frozen sweet peas in light butter sauce. I suspect I may use this as a sauce for a pasta or rice dish. $0.99Half & half, quart, $2.49 2% milk, half gallon, $2.128 ounces shredded sharp cheddar, $1.992 packs of 93% lean grass-fed, organic ground beef, $2.99 each

Now, over to the Dollar Tree:

2.75 liters of generic diet cola (which even though this soda is on the shelf and not cold it rang up as taxable vs. non-taxable. In Pennsylvania, food is technically NOT taxable unless it is considered take-out, so cold, cooler beverages are usually taxed.)4 pack of cans of generic cotton candy soda for the teen (again, rang up as taxable, sigh). I wanted to get sparkling water but I can’t buy all the beverages for only me.Almost 15 ounce can of Del Monte creamed corn. Every time we want to make corn bake, we never have creamed corn so I try to keep it in the pantry. It’s also a great way to thicken or even extend soups.About 4 ounces canned chickenAbout 5 ounces canned chicken and gravyTuna in waterEnglish muffins10 flour tortillasOlive oil and oregano crackers5 ounces of guacamole flavored tortilla chips12 ounces dry lentils5 ounces sunflower kernelsalmost 3 ounces wasabi peas3 ounces Sunmaid raisins12 ounces frozen stir fry vegetables (peppers, snow peas and broccoli)hot dogs

I forgot my darn gnocchi from Dollar Tree. Those are so good.

All things fitness, mobility and service dog

The last week or so I feel like my strength in the gym (Apex Training) has been dead on– the lifts have come easily and even as my feet/lower body doesn’t cooperate, I seem to get the job done without compromising my other body parts. Andrew, my fitness trainer and strength coach, has been a wonderful support and motivator as life has gotten dramatic and hectic for both of us.

Today I lifted a new PR on bench press– I am up to 80 pounds! As for flexibility and core strength, from my angle it fluctuates every day but Andrew points out a lot of his observations which suggest I am improving more than I might realize. I have noticed that I stumble less, even as my toes drag and my balance falters, knock on wood I have not fallen since Sept. 30.

I have gained back all of the weight I lost, between gin sours and peanut m&m’s and all sorts of chips from the Dollar Tree. And too much pizza! Even with The Teenager home after having her wisdom teeth plus a back molar removed, I’m still eating too much junk– milkshakes, cheese curds, the Wawa chicken fingers and french fries, Macs received for free with minimum purchase of a Diet Coke for me and a Sprite for the Teen all in the name of surgery recovery.

Meanwhile, I can see my muscles gain definition so I know if I’d stop putting junk in my body ALL THE TIME, I could really lean out and have great tone. But the immediate satisfaction of treats and savory, salty foods steals my discipline and knowledge every time.

As if that alone weren’t enough to kick my ass back where it needs to be, I’m starting to believe that the occasional out-of-breath episodes I’m having are symptoms of exercise-induced asthma. My allergies have been bad. The weight doesn’t help. And I noticed more and more that it comes on all of a sudden, even when I’m walking on a flat surface setting my own pace and not with anyone else, and I cannot get air into my lungs until I repeatedly take breaths through my nose and get a breath deep into my chest.

Today, it happened at the gym. I have never had anything like this happen at the gym. I was doing sets of 25 crunches on the exercise ball and really had trouble catching my breath at the end of the set. And I love those crunches! I normally knock them out like a beast!

Light Mobility Service Dog Update

Yesterday I was scheduled to meet with my caseworker at Susquehanna Service Dogs on Zoom. She asked if we could please reschedule for today and as I kept the end of the week open not knowing how the Teen would do with surgery, it worked out fine.

Today the Teen, myself and the caseworker met to discuss what my dog might be trained to do as a task for me, any concerns I might have, and some more updates about my lifestyle. The number one goal I have for this endeavor is to be able to go on walks by myself without fear. I miss my days of going for a 4-mile walk in the morning. I want that piece of mind. The other tasks that I asked for are help retrieving things from the ground when I can’t bend, carrying items I might have in my hand if I find myself struggling for balance, and getting a first aid kit if I need one.

The Monday errands on a budget

So, The Teenager’s (now College Student’s) car won’t start and today I needed my car for a 10 a.m. chiropractor appointment. I’ve noticed over the last couple days some of my random hip/leg issues have stopped causing discomfort so that is awesome. The chiropractor is less than a block from The Teenager’s college campus, so I headed out a little early and did the last touches on this week’s Parisian Phoenix Substack newsletter. Are you interested in my little publishing company’s newsletter? If so, click here. Today I talked a bit about technology and privacy.

The Teenager’s first class was at nine, and my appointment was at ten, so that left me the dilemma of how to organize my day into pieces that fit our combined schedule. I completed the computer work I wanted to finish before 9:30 and I even got to watch the street sweeper comb the neighborhood. I read some of Stephanie Parents gothic D/s (of the impact play, not the sexual kind) mystery in the reception area. I found my favorite passage of the book so far:

“The trouble with this sort of exorcism was that when it ended, when Jack stopped spanking her, nothing had changed. She hadn’t split open, and nothing had spilled out from inside of her…”

The Briars, Chapter Nine (Claire)

I left the chiropractor at about 10:15 a.m., and I needed to use the restroom. I also thought I could swing out to the Forks Township Dollar Tree because I need some items, and I’m trying to stock my kitchen on an extreme budget. I have $74 left in my wallet in cash, and anything in my checkbook is for the bills these days.

It’s free coffee with any purchase Monday at Dunkin, but I wasn’t in the mood for iced coffee and that particular Dunkin requires a key for the bathroom. I usually get three munchkins for $1.29 and feed them to the dog. But today, I opted for a Diet Coke from McDonalds. I could just go in the backdoor and use the restroom and leave, but I try not to be that person.

I opened my app and ordered a large Diet Coke for $1.49 plus tax and redeemed some of my reward points from those previous Diet Cokes for a hashbrown. Then I used my “Apple Cash” to pay the $1.58. I didn’t realize that I’ve never stepped inside that McDonald’s– it’s all reclaimed wood with a stone look and oversized cushioned stools at the table.

I headed over to the next plaza to visit The Dollar Tree and discovered they don’t have refrigerated cases. Perhaps because it’s so close to a Giant Food Store and/or because it’s a more upscale neighborhood. I spent $13.08 from my cash and got some staples, some candy and the cornerstone of one meal.

Guacamole Flavored Tortilla ChipsPotato GnocchiHunts Garlic and Herb Sauce 10 flour tortillaSandwich slice picklesSelf rising white corn meal blend on clearance for 50 centsYoohoo for The Teenager to surprise herCanned PeasCanned Diced PotatoesBlack LicoriceWallably Hot Cinnamon Licorice

(Which reminds me that I made the turkey hot dogs I bought at Dollar Tree last week. Eight hot dogs for $1.25. I fried them in the skillet until they were crisp and seasoned them with garlic pepper, crushed red pepper and smoked paprika. Even the Teenager had to say, “How did you manage to make these taste so good?”)

From there, back to campus to retrieve the Teen. We also stopped at CVS for our medicine ($1). The Teenager made wanting eyes at the Jelly Belly Candy Canes that I thought were $3.99. I picked them up because I had a $3 off coupon I knew would expire before we set foot in CVS again. It turned out they were $5.19! For candy canes! But after my coupons, they were $1.96.

Then we came home and I opened the package from Amazon, of my own books from my own publishing house because Amazon has them on sale so cheap right now I can get them cheaper from there versus shipped from the distributor.

I cleaned up the kitchen, tried to declutter, and then ate the rest of the hot dogs for lunch. After some correspondence with friends, I came out to the sunporch to finish my Diet Coke and let the dog enjoy the porchy porch.

Haunted

The holiday season is never easy for me. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. Thanksgiving is a holiday that celebrates killing the indigenous population and stealing their land (which land rights causes fights still going on throughout the world today, so we’re not the only ones.) As if gluttony and genocide don’t have enough of a greedy flair, we slide right from Thanksgiving into Black Friday, which in my generation has gotten extreme and then scaled back again.

Christmas is a joke here in the United States. I don’t think the average person really stops to reflect upon what their own Christian values mean, if they are Christian. Santa bringing children the latest commercial toys is just another way to fuel our consumer-mindset and make those who have less feel like less. If you want to celebrate the birth of Christ, in a festival stolen from the pagans, maybe we could focus on Christ instead of the fat man in the red suit.

And then we make hopeful resolutions and head into the new year– which happens to be a cold, dark time.

On Monday, I was on my way to the gym. And I noticed a squirrel rustling in the bushes from the corner of my eye. And something looked wrong. I got closer, which terrified the squirrel, but I stood still so he stood still. And we looked at each other.

At first I thought he was covered in paint, but then I saw puffiness to the whole mess. It looked like he had gotten into some sort of wet spray foam. I wanted to help him, but I had no idea what to do. And even now, my soul hurts for this squirrel as I wonder: Did he end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and his squirrel curiosity did him in? Or did some person do this to him? Did some person get mad, toss him in a bucket, and spray it with foam?

I don’t know.

I don’t know what happened to that squirrel, but I’ve done a lot of thinking during the last two-plus months since I lost my job and found myself in one of the strangest job markets I ever landed in… I might even be a little scared. I’m nervous about aging. I’m nervous about the college student’s bills (now her car won’t start). I’m nervous about the cost to heat my house and what happens if I don’t find a job or more clients soon.

And yet I keep thinking about that squirrel.

A friend of mine broke his leg on Sunday and ended up in surgery and spending his Thanksgiving in the hospital. Yet, he still sounds strong and brave and contemplative. And maybe that’s the only way we get through this days– staying strong, and brave, and contemplative.

I’ve done a lot of eating my feelings lately, and gained back the almost ten pounds I’d lost. But I keep gaining strength at the gym, so that’s a plus. This week, The Teenager who will be twenty in a few months will have a second attempt at dental surgery, and I hope this time it’s a success.

I signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year, and the goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. I’ve written almost 31,000 with five days left in the month. But I’ve gotten to chapter 17 of my fifth novel, Absolution, so regardless of the word count I call that success. And I might just make that deadline. But if not, it’s okay.

As most of you know, I foster cats. As my health and financial issues mount, and my “political” disagreements with the group fester, I have pulled away from taking new cats. I just can’t do it. I have one foster left– one I was tricked into taking– and that little guy is easygoing but so nervous he acts like I’m going to kill him.

There were 29 cats we helped in the last three years. Compared to some in the group, that’s a low number, but as a single mom in a small home in town, that was a lot. Especially when the rescue’s own financial issues couldn’t allow them consistency in certain aspects of foster. But they do their damn best to do best by the cats.

So we are happy to announce that the rescue has offered to let The Teenager adopt Touch of Grey, the most challenging rescue we had, and the Teenager accepted. This makes me happy because Touch has truly become a member of the family and has started acting like a happy house cat.

I may not have been able to help the squirrel, but I helped those 29 cats. And not a day goes by that I don’t wonder how some of them are doing… like Georgie, my Khloe princess, three-legged Louise, lunatic kitten Eminem, cuddly Slim Shady, shy Minerva, I could list all of them… The adoption is the easy part. The hard part is when the adoption updates fall away, and you don’t get any more texts about how they are doing.

Pregaming Thanksgiving

If you miss my ridiculous banter, you may want to visit ParisianPhoenix.com because most of my activities now relate to the publishing company because I’m trying to develop enough business to make a living now that Stitch Fix has closed its Bethlehem warehouse.

Speaking of Stitch Fix, one of my friends who has gotten fixes religiously since I started with the company got an email today that whatever warehouse shipped her fix instead of ours did not scan the package as it left the facility so neither Stitch Fix nor the carrier has a record of it. Therefore, if she does not receive a fix today or tomorrow, she is to let them know as then they have reason to believe it is lost.

Yup. Did I ever mention that we were the most efficient, safest working warehouse in the network?

Random Cat Photo:
Touch of Gray

Anyway, back to my day. I started my day assisting the Teenager with course registration at her college. She is studying BS psychology and had a good plan. She had courses and backup courses and I planned on catching up with my NaNoWriMo word count (if you don’t know what NaNo is or you have opinions about the NaNo controversary, my take is here) before meeting Nan and a poet friend.

She could not get into ANY of her classes, nor ANY of her backups, nor ANY classes at all in her department. With my help, we found Intro to Women’s/Gender/Sexuality studies, Theory of Religion and Intro to Sociology. She’s also hoping– but probably doesn’t have a chance–to get into astronomy. The professor was on of her pet-sitting clients.

With this new course load, I think she should apply for an interdisciplinary major of her own design, the new BA in Cult Leadership.

I managed to pull 500 words for my novel before heading out to get Nan.

I decided to give Nan her “Christmas present” early. I put that in quotes because I would have gotten it for her regardless of the season. It kept popping up on the available Amazon Vine items that I can review. If you’ve heard about Nan enough, I probably don’t have to tell you she LOVES NASA. She has followed the space program since before man landed on the moon.

Nan won’t go out for the day if there’s a NASA event going on. She has cable simply so she can watch NASA TV.

I got her a decorative desk piece that has an astronaut on the moon with some sort of moon lander or rover. And the space suit has a ledge where you can place your cell phone and the lander thing is a pencil can. The most impractical gift for a blind person. It’s a sculpture you can’t see, with features for items you don’t use.

I’m relieved to say– she loved it. She loves that she can put her two pens that she keeps for sighted friends on her desk. She loves that the sculpture has enough detail that she can look at it. And she loves that for the first time, she has something space-themed she can display.

We took it up to her room and arranged it on her desk and headed to our appointment. We had made arrangements to meet a new friend, we’ll call her the Italian Poet. We were workshopping some of her poems.

Now here’s some motivation/inertia for you: If you write, paint, photograph, whatever, you must find others who share your artistic sensibilities and draw from their energy. Sometimes you share feedback, sometimes you seek inspiration together. Sometimes you learn, sometimes you teach. But the union of people in a space can build spirits and keep you going.

And after Italian Poet encouraged me to pursue my educational goals and I prodded her to finish her Ph.D., Nan and I embarked on our annual tradition: Gobbler bowls at Wawa.

We live a simple existence. Then we taste-tested a peppermint watermelon sparkling water. Nan did not approve. I did. But, as Nan says, I do seek out the weird stuff.

The Teenager used Nan and I for a photography project.

I went to the gym for leg day where I squat 120 pounds on the barbell for eight solid reps. Definitely liking that!’

When survival means blending the personal and the professional

This week I have been laid off for two months. It’s hard to believe how the time slips by so quickly. I look at my calendar, perplexed at how it can always be so full and wondering if it will ever yield anything of note. And perhaps it doesn’t even matter.

I haven’t offered much in the way of personal blogging recently. I have been piecing together clients, hustling to make a buck, volunteering and showing up more than I should in order that I might build relationships that go somewhere. I hope some of the ties I have forged in the last eight weeks will create the kind of ties that yield interpersonal rewards even if they don’t present professional ones. Because in the end, if you foster the personal relationships, people trust you with their business.

But I realized yesterday, that I spend probably 8-12 hours a day reading, writing and/or editing and my poor brain never gets a break. So, I called Southern Candy and invited her over. She brought our favorite doughnuts (ours meaning she, myself, and The Teenager; flavor, sour cream) and despite the fact that I had a discount milkshake from Sheetz for lunch, I had a dougnut for dinner.

It looks like I gained back every ounce of weight I had lost since the gym initiated its Christmas resolutions challenge. With about eight weeks to go, my hopes of reaching my goal had dwindled thanks to free Big Macs and too much Dollar Tree snack products.

My mobility has been rocky. When my gait is stable, my pain seems high. When I’m not in pain, I tend to fall. Since I’m unemployed, I applied for medical assistance and if approved, maybe I could do some physical therapy. I can always use physical therapy.

As if reading my mind, I received an email today from my caseworker at Susquehanna Service Dogs about creating my Personal Placement Plan or my P3. I scheduled that Zoom meeting for the end of the month and have to say it’s exciting to think about what my service dog might be able to do.

It’s also interesting to see how different people react to a lay-off. I’ve had people seem as if there’s something wrong with me that I haven’t found a new job yet. I’ve had friends and clients ask if The Teenager and I are financially okay. And I’ve heard some interesting news that some people think they know and influence my financial affairs even though they haven’t spoken to me since before the lay-off.

The holidays are coming up, with Thanksgiving kicking off the season next week, and with so many family members who seem to have disappeared, including my mother and stepmother who don’t reach out to me anymore and I don’t understand why, I’ll be trying to create my own traditions and my own sense of what I want my life to be. But sometimes, and lately more often than usual, I miss my family.

Podcast Workshop with GLVWG

Yesterday I presented a workshop at the Greater Lehigh Writers Group on the use of podcasts to research, improve and market your writing (at least, that was the morning program) and how to be a good interview guest, whether you are working with journalists or podcasters.

It was a super fun day with my partner-in-crime William D. Prystauk, who wrote The Kink Noir series and the new horror novel The Hanging Girl.

I wasn’t sure if my audience would embrace the idea of using podcasts as a source of inspiration and information, but they did. And we had a fun time writing materials and doing mock podcast interviews.

I received a few thank you emails after the presentation and that meant a lot to me. The day went very quickly!

I share snippets of the information I provided in the sessions in the Greater Valley Writers Group newsletter column I write every other month.