Mia Sivan's Blog, page 6

I'm Pissed Off My thoughts on international women's day 2023

I often mention here that I used to be an investment manager. The asset management industry heavily relies on key performance indicators (KPIs) to measure success. Performance is everything, and numerous studies show that mixed-gender teams perform best of all. This is a well-paying profession, open to anyone with the right education. So, one would expect an equal ratio of men and women, right?

Wrong.

Today is international women's day and this blog, folks, is a rant.

Let's go back to 2005. I was invited to a conference for asset managers in the UK.

I came down from London with a lady friend from Russell Investments. The conference was held in the heart of Hampshire (not far from Jane Austen's House), in a country hotel. In the evening all the attendees were invited to a banquet in a grand hall, filled with round tables, each seating ten. I reached my allotted spot, but my friend was nowhere near me. I wondered why they didn't sit us together.

Looking around, I understood immediately. Spending the day with my female friend I hadn't noticed that the overall ratio of men to women was more than ten to one. The organizers didn't want tables with just men, but there were so few of us that they ‘peppered’ us around. Every table had just one woman in it, some had none.

That was 18 years ago. One would expect progress, right?

Wrong.

According to a recent study, although as many women as men join the industry, they are not promoted to managerial positions. Only 12% of mutual funds have at least one woman on their management team.

Why is that?

First and foremost, the people deciding on the promotions are men, and 70% of men will promote a man rather than a woman. And get that, if you have only one woman on a selection panel, it doesn't do the job. It reduces the chances of another woman being hired. You need more than one.

Another reason: this industry is all about swagger. You radiate confidence, and you’re awarded. Studies show that women are more likely to be interrupted and talked over when pitching ideas and strategies. Women are not accorded the same authority as men. Studies have also shown that when a woman and a man speak for the same amount of time, the woman is perceived to have spoken 30% more.

Damned if you’re too quiet, damned if you talk.

What can be done, you may ask.

Within the asset management industry, it is mainly about wanting to have gender parity. To work actively to have women in your team. To Judge according to competence, not confidence, because women don't promote themselves as well as men.

For me, it is talking about it and writing about it in my books. Raising the issue, and not just during women's international day.

Thank you for sticking this long!

Yours,

Mia

A belated valentine blog

I’m often asked whether I do research before writing steamy scenes.

The answer is of course I do. I read fiction books, visit websites, and attend webinars.

Exploring themes of relationship and sex, I came across a fiery Israeli woman, Limor Bendel, who is a couples' coach and a sexual mentor. Her website is awesome, but it's all in Hebrew. So as a belated Valentine's Day gift, I translated and I'm sharing a few of her pro tips for a better sex life.

First of all, Limor says, sex is all about asking for what you want. Since we’re often too busy or shy, she suggests preparing Ask or Wish cards (like Get out of jail cards, but in a good way) in advance, then using them with our partner.

Here is a sample selection of WISH cards you can use to spice up your sex life:

His Wish card:

I’d love to get a text message from you during the day telling me how much you want me.

Her Wish Card:

Freeze orange juice cubes (or any other flavor), and take it with you to the bedroom. When we make love, roll the frozen cube around my nipple and then lick it with your warm tongue.

His:

When we make love tonight, tell me what you like. I’m open to any fantasy you might suggest.

Hers:

I'd love it if you pick a sexy song, called me during the day, and played it for me. Then whisper in my ear how you're going to spoil me tonight.

His/Hers:

Bring a cup of warm mint tea to our bedroom tonight. When we make love, sip it, and then go down on me with your hot mouth.

Yours,

Mia

I'm dropping the F bomb

On the first day of my first job as an investment manager, my then-boss asked me what I thought an investment manager’s non-negotiable values were? What were his duties?

Perform better than the markets, I answered.

Wrong.

Beat the competition.

Wrong.

Before I made a total ass of myself, my boss told me to think ethics, not investment decisions.

My three duties were: Skill, Prudence, and Loyalty.

I was required by law to make skilled, informed decisions (as in, read the damn prospectus and understand it before investing). To act with caution, i.e., prudence, in the best interest of my investors (my loyalty belongs to my investors, not to the firm).

When I decided to become an author, I made a very different, very personal list - my non-negotiables as an author. My duties to my readers.

These are my non-negotiables, and I'll always try to uphold them in my writings:

I strive to be a feminist . Yes, folks, I dropped the f-word. I want to empower women through my books. The city of Tel Aviv will be part of my plots. I want readers to feel that reading one of my books is like taking a mini-trip through its streets and culture. Last, but certainly not least, I want to write steamy . Heart rates should climb, breaths should shorten. Ladies, I want you to be wet. Gents, get semi-hard. Read my scenes and go have passionate sex with your partner. Then I’d feel I’ve done my duty.

My Favorite Book

Do you have a favorite book?

Shogun, by James Clavell, perhaps? Or maybe Pride and Prejudice? Lord of the Rings, surely.

As much as I love these books and many others, there is one I like above all.

My favorite book is not known for its literary quality. On the contrary: it is often criticized for its poorly developed characters and its romanticization of an abusive relationship. Critics have disparagingly called it: “mommy porn".

Yet, this book has had a cultural impact that many Pulitzer and Nobel prize winners could never lay claim to.

I’m talking, of course, about Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James.

Several confessions:

I have only ever read the first book and never made it past page 5 of book 2.

Hate me if you will, but I find Anastasia and Christian insufferable.

Having written a BDSM novel, I can say with certainty that Fifty portrays a problematic picture of dominance and submission.

Despite all of the above, I still f*cking love it.

Because Fifty, sneakily but very convincingly, has single-handedly changed the publishing industry.

E.L. James has self-published her novel as an e-book, because Fifty’s content was considered too risqué for traditional bookstores. But all the ‘mommies’ wanted their ‘porn’- so they bought it as an e-book. It helped to popularize the digital format among readers. It demonstrated the potential for e-books to become a major player in the publishing industry. It brought 'racy' literature into the mainstream.

Fifty has made the path to becoming a self-published author a much easier one.

So my hat is forever off to E. L. James - thank you, thank you, thank you from all of us steamy independent writers.

A funny thing happened with ChatGpt

Have you heard of the new chatbot, ChatGpt (Generative Pre-trained Transformer)?

It was launched just a couple of months ago and it has gone viral. I've been using it on and off, mainly instead of Googling. It is generally agreed that despite its great capabilities, its style is flat and dry, and it 'lacks emotions'.

On this last, I beg to differ, as the following anecdote will show.

Every Sunday I post on Instagram a different book dedication. The author's dedication is the first thing a reader sees when opening a physical copy. It is usually an expression of gratitude from the writer to a person who's very important to them. Reading these dedications and understanding the context behind them can make for great posts.

This week, I chose the following dedication:

"To Her, Hand in Hand we come Christopher Robin and I To lay this book in your lap. Say you’re surprised? Say you like it? Say it’s just what you wanted? Because it’s yours - Because we love you".

Beautiful, isn't it?

I had an educated guess that this heart-wrenching cry for love and attention, which opens “Winnie the Pooh”, is dedicated to Dorothy "Daphne" de Sélincourt, who was Christopher Robin’s mother and Milne’s wife.

Still, I asked ChatGpt who "Her" was, and the answer I received was:

The dedication in the first book of the Winnie-the-Pooh stories, which was published in 1926, reads: "To Christopher Robin, who has been the chief author of all these stories." Christopher Robin was the son of A. A. Milne, and the character of Christopher Robin in the stories is based on him. So the dedication is to Christopher Robin, not to someone named "Her."

A little bit snarky, are we?

Since I have the physical copy in my library (click here for photographic evidence), I know the great all-knowing deep learning AI is wrong (yes, what you're hearing is a definite note of gloating).

And not only was it wrong, but its tone was also aggrieved! From this day onwards, I don't want to hear people say that ChatGPT lacks emotions. The thingy definitely has feelings. Also, it is as fallible as humans, who are the real brains behind everything.

A little further reading about the AI that everyone is equal parts scared of and excited about: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/05/te...

Recharging through Reading

On the last post of the year, it’s a perfect time to pause, reflect and be grateful. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you being part of my world and I wish all of us a safe, healthy, and amazing 2023.

So, being in a reflective mood, I'm sharing with you a couple of reads that are a way for me to recharge my mental batteries and think differently about the world.

The first source comes from Nick Cave's newsletter and website, The Red Hand Files.

Nick Cave is an Australian singer-songwriter best known as the frontman of the rock band Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. In The Red Hand Files, anyone can ask Cave anything, with zero filters between the artist and the world. He's been asked about his thoughts on religion, is it better to stay quiet or to speak one's mind, and, one of the best ones: has he ever met Nicholas Cage.

https://www.theredhandfiles.com/have-you-ever-met-nicolas-cage/

The other nonfiction short reading I like to indulge in is an intellectual source called The Marginalian (previously known as Brain Pickings).

Maria Popova writes thought-provoking articles about a wide range of subjects, including literature, philosophy, and science. I've included a link to an article about Margaret Wise Brown, a children's books author. Despite not being familiar with Brown, I enjoyed reading and learning about her.

“She was unapologetically strange: She swam naked in the cold ocean, put a door in her house that opened out into a plunging cliff, and bought all of a flower vendor’s bouquets when she received her first paycheck for a book”.

https://www.themarginalian.org/2022/12/12/the-important-thing-about-margaret-wise-brown

I want to be like Jason Statham (Or: How I sat to write you a free holiday story)

I reached a very definite conclusion - I want to be like Jason Statham.

The other evening, while the England-France World Cup match was at halftime, I idly clicked the remote and landed on a 2008 movie - Death Race - on the action movies channel.

I had two reactions:

1. It’s a Jason Statham movie - how come I haven't seen it before?

2. I dropped the match, and watched it instead.

If a movie has Jason starring in it - I just want to see it - no questions asked.

Am I looking for beefier roles for women, a morality tale about global warming, or a discussion about the rise of the Alt-Right?

No, people, I do not. Not from my man Jason. I expect, and get tough, no-nonsense, nonstop, unapologetic fast-action films with a good plot, and intelligent acting. He delivers every time.

That’s my goal - to be like Jason Statham.

It's the simplest, easiest thing to do, right? Stick to what you know how to do, and do it well.

Readers should see the name Mia Sivan on a book cover and say:

"Neat! I’m going to get… "

Wait - what are they going to get?

I’m a newbie writer. I’m still unsure of my identity and what I bring to the table. I have only one book out, and I'm struggling to finish the second (the second book crisis is not a myth, folks).

Should I have steamy sex scenes in all my stories? Are all the books to be set in Tel Aviv? Do I write only about financial scams? Does everyone need to have a big cock?

You see the kind of questions I wrestle with.

Yet, for the coming holidays, I wanted the satisfaction of having another story out there for my readers. I sat and wrote a bit of (hot) fluff. Without worrying too much about “my identity” or “my voice”. Aiming only for pure fun in writing and hopefully in reading.

I hope you enjoy this short erotic story, which is set in Tel Aviv during the Hanukkah holiday. It has no financial scam in it, but plenty of family drama (and sex).

Ari and Iris have the perfect marriage. He likes to watch her with other men.

She loves to take part.

Now, she wants to become exclusively his. But she fears that on her own, she wouldn't be enough.

She plans a special decadent evening for them both, hoping it would be the perfect birthday celebration, yet dreading it will serve as the grand finale.

What's my Kink

What's my kink? Do you know yours?

Asking what’s my kink isn't the same as asking what's my fantasy (we'll get to that later), but it's the same thing as asking what is my norm.

And norms change. From person to person, and from country to country.

For example, I once read a romance where the man was scandalized because the woman wanted doggie-style sex. He thought her kinky. What a stiff! (no pun intended). That position is truly mundane and to have it depicted as kinky was weird. At least for me.

In my short story 'After the Honeymoon' (free for all my email subscribers, right here), the husband realizes he has a kink: he enjoys watching another man (or better yet, men) ‘do’ his wife - he is a voyeur.

He is ashamed of his own kinky fantasies. He needs to undergo therapy in order to accept his desires. He eventually talks it out with the one person who can realize them for him - his wife.

Kinks are those fantasies that stray from the norm. Spicy books are a significant source of education to get an idea of the wide, wide world out there, and should be read often (no hidden motive here...). Seriously, though, moving from reading to realizing is the real challenge. Like the husband from my story, it requires a willing partner (or partners) and the courage to open up to them.

Open communication is not just a part of a healthy sex life, it’s the most important part of it. I find it very sexy when my heroes speak frankly to each other - so I insert good communication into my stories (frank discourse between partners is a fantasy, but it isn't a kink - see the difference?)

So what’s my kink?

In my books and stories, I get to imagine and ‘live’ many kinks. Some I try for real, others - not so much. I get ideas from the vast and growing array of sex toys for singles and couples, and from books I read. I keep an open mind.

My one guiding principle is that everything has to be consensual - always.

Other than that - bring it on!

The Real Story behind my Next Book

I’m at the editing stage of my second book, which will be out in early 2023.

It took me a while to write this one as I had a hard time deciding on my subplot - the financial scam/mystery. I wanted to keep it simple while still using a real-life story about people I know.

I ended up using the story of Eli, a guy who I used to know very well.

Eli and I worked very closely together. It was years ago and I was pregnant with my first child. He was twenty years my senior, had three daughters of his own which he liked to talk about, and he was nice and supportive. He was well-liked, always helping out and making jokes. Occasionally, he would cut corners (like punching in and then going out on errands) with a shrug and a smile. He liked to say “yihye beseder”, a phrase in Israel that means “it’ll be ok”, things will work themselves out. And they usually did.

I would never have guessed that he would end up on trial for market manipulation.

Fast forward twenty years, Eli is near retirement, working in a brokerage firm, executing trading orders.

Among the firm’s clients was a huge real estate company called Melisron. Google it, and you’ll see that it has a market value of 12 billion shekels (about $3.4 billion).

Melisron’s CFO poured over 20 million shekels into affiliated accounts and ordered Eli to buy a series of bonds for which the company planned a secondary offering. Buying the bonds would boost their price, meaning the offering would start from a better starting point.

There was no way either Eli or the CFO could have pretended that what they were doing was legit : This was a classic example of market manipulation – arranging to boost the price of a security by artificial demand.

Eli's “no worries” attitude got the better of him. He used the 20 mil to buy the bond.

Naturally, the bond price went up, which was what the CFO wanted in the first place.

I know Eli. He wasn’t a criminal. He did it because his job was to broker deals and make money for the firm, and also because he wanted to retain his client, keep him happy; and he believed in yihye beseder.

The Israeli Securities Authority had an easy time nailing the culprits once it got suspicious, since all phone calls to the firm were recorded.

Eli and the CFO were both tried and found guilty.

The judge was lenient with my friend. While the CFO was sentenced to a year in jail, Eli got three months of community work. The judge was careful to point out that brokers are supposed to follow and execute the orders of their clients to the letter, but added: “even when receiving a direct order, if it’s clearly unlawful, a broker should refuse to execute it”.

Thank you for reading all the way through. If you are interested in joining my ARC team, please mail me back to miasivanauthor@miasivan.com.

Once my book is ready – you’ll read it first (for free). All I ask in return is that you review it – on Amazon, or on your Goodreads account.

Food in My Books

A couple of posts ago, I lauded intimate scenes in romance novels, and (https://www.miasivan.com/post/why-do-we-need-sex-scenes) argued they serve an even more important function than fight scenes in action novels.

Now I want to talk to you about food in romance novels.

I love reading about food in other writers’ books, and it is great fun writing it. I don’t aim to portray ‘traditional’ Israeli or Middle Eastern food, like falafel or hummus. I don’t particularly like hummus, plus you really don’t want to be in the same room with me after I’ve had some…

Rather, I try to use food to convey an ambience or send a message. In my book “Crunching her Numbers”, Slava is hopelessly in love with Kelly, an older, wealthier woman. He bakes her beer bread, so when she comes in and smells it, her place will feel like home — their home.

In a (real- life) Farsi restaurant, in Tel Aviv’s Levinsky market, Kelly shares a stuffed vegetable platter with her boss. He tells her about an investigation being carried by the Israel Securities Authority - an investigation she was secretly told about and asked to assist in, a short while before. She can hardly keep from spewing rice all over him.

In my upcoming novel (out in early 2023), the heroine, Tamar, usually eats fast food. It’s cheaper and this way she gets to use the rest of her lunch money to buy groceries. When she is invited by the hero’s mother to a fancy restaurant (I’ve based this restaurant’s menu on a real Tel Aviv gourmet restaurant), she balks at the prices.

Tamar much prefers it when she and her best friend eat Arayes, fried quarter pittas stuffed with meat, which you can top with tomato salad and tahini.

I hope I didn't make you too hungry.

see you next blog.