Mark DeJesus's Blog, page 119

5 Instant Things You Can Do When You Feel Down

Everybody faces times when they are discouraged, down or struggling with hopelessness. We all know that being in that kind of state is not helpful. Remaining in a mindset that is “down” for long periods of time can lead us into more permanent states of depression and can bread all sorts of health issues.

I personally know the world of discouragement and seasons of feeling down. Odds are you do too. You may be having your own tough day or what seems like a tough year. Throughout every tough season of discouragement, I have sought to go deeper in understanding what it takes to shake off the heaviness of down times.

In the past, it took me forever to get out of a funk. I felt like I was stuck forever. But then over time, as God began to reveal to me the spiritual battle surrounding my life, I learned some simple tools to unwind myself quicker from despair.

Changing Your “State”

Sometimes you need to reposition your state of mind, so you can find solutions and answers for the situations that want to drive you to down places. I find when I am in a place of discouragement, I am far from being able to come up with solutions or find hope for taking the next step. Sometimes, just adjusting my emotional state into a more healthy position makes all the difference. I may not solve the problem or change the circumstance, but I put myself into a place where I can grow, see hope and perceive solutions.

With that in mind, here are three things you need to do to turn around a potential debilitating emotional state of discouragement and into a better state of mind.

1. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be in a better state of mind?”

This question can seem so basic, but it really hits to the core of our problem. Quite often discouragement can train us to become comfortable with being down all the time. It even affects people right down to their personality. Ever notice some people just live our of a temperament of heaviness? They wear it like a favorite suit!

We have to ask ourselves, “Do I want to be in a better state of mind?” If the answer is yes, then you know that you are personally responsible for the attitude that you carry and the direction you are headed. We can only blame our emotional state on our circumstances for so long. At some point, we must take responsibility and chose to begin our walk out of discouragement—whatever it takes.

You are personally responsible for the attitude that you carry and the direction you are headed
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Self-pity trains us to think that we are stuck and a victim of our circumstances. It teaches us to stay our comfy cozy hell of despair and sorrow. God comes with hope, but we have to decide if we are willing to listen and respond to hope’s call that we can change. You may not be able to change your circumstance. You cannot change other people. But you can change your state of mind, by first making a decision to change your attitude. The choice is yours. Don’t let the enemy take your power of decision away from you.

Self-pity trains us to think that we are stuck and a victim of our circumstances.
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2. Focus your attention on thanksgiving.

Nothing changes the atmosphere within us like thanksgiving. It is impossible to be deeply discouraged and truly grateful at the same time. Thanksgiving drives all kinds of discouragement and despair away, because it focuses our attention on goodness. God’s intent for thanksgiving is that it would remind us of His goodness. This helps us to remain centered, knowing that God is in control and we can rest on His nature in the midst of our situations. 

Nothing changes the atmosphere within us like thanksgiving.
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We often mistakenly focus on circumstances changing, but God is always focused on us changing. Thanksgiving positions us to have an authority over the problem, so that we can see how we can grow. It also positions us to find possibilities. When we are in discouragement, we can’t see or hear solutions.

We often focus on circumstances changing, but God is always focused on us changing.
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This can be accessed immediately. Start by thanking God out loud for anything, even the breath you breathe; the fact that you woke up today. Thank Him for relationships, family, etc. Get your mind centered on what God IS doing, not on what you are tempted to think He is not doing.

3. Get moving.

Most of the time we need to get a new position physically so that we have a reference for our spirituality to shift. If you are sitting, stand up. Every notice that your posture often correlates to what your emotional state is? Discouragement wants you to lay down on the couch in a posture of defeat, so that you do not become empowered to see your life through hope and expectancy.

Exercise is great for this, but it can even be simply getting up and going for a walk. I often will stand up and start moving back and forth in a room, simply to shift myself out of a defeated posture and into a posture that triggers my mind and spirit to access my victorious position in God. Your body will not do it for you.

So what physical pattern do you fall into? Do you slouch on the couch, watch TV and fall into the discouragement? Notice how you don’t really feel any better doing that. Why not shift your posture and take charge of your state of mind? You’ll have to make the decision to break the patterns you fall into in order to move into a more empowering emotional state.

4. Speak out words of empowerment.

This is one of my favorite tools, because I have talked myself out of discouragement thousands of times. Words are so powerful, and you must understand that you are talking to yourself all the time in your mind. This is what is often called “self-talk.” Its the perceptions, beliefs and attitudes to dwell on about your life constantly.

If you don’t take charge of your thoughts, the enemy will do it for you. So you have to be aggressive when it comes to what you are thinking on. Speaking life to yourself out loud will yank you off the train of destructive thinking you are on. 

If you don’t take charge of your thoughts, the enemy will do it for you.
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When you begin speaking out loud, you set in motion what you are going to dwell on. Quite often you can break the pattern of repetitious thoughts of discouragement by talking out loud what you want to think on.

When I speak words of encouragement to myself, I train my body to focus on thoughts that are good and helpful for me.

5. Begin to look outward.

A major trap with discouragement is that we begin to go inward. We turn our eyes off the world and onto ourselves, creating a deep cycle of self-focus. Unfortunately, this inward focus actually leads us into self-centered and selfish living. The discouragement of the enemy is not only meant to hold you back, but to keep you from your impact on others.

Often the solution to feeling down is go help someone else.
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Notice your first temptation when you are discouraged is to shut down from helping others. We think that because of our poor emotional state, we are of no use to others. Yet quite often, I find I need to get my eyes off of myself and go help someone else. In doing so, I get better perspective of my circumstances and I lessen the obsession about my problems. Sometimes in going through trials, helping others is a great combination for our own healing.

How can we do this, I can start by praying for someone, anyone other than myself. I can be mindful of someone who needs help.

I am reminded of Jesus’ words in the book of John:

Do you not say, “There are still four months and then comes the harvest ’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest! (John 4:35 NKJV)

Notice the verse says, lift UP your eyes. Discouragement makes your eyes go down or look inward. God says, “Lift them up. Look up. Get your head up. You’ve got a job to do!”

So next time you hit a moment of discouragement, apply these 3 things to change your emotional state. See the difference it makes!

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#067: What is God’s Order for the Home? [Podcast]

On this week’s episode, we want to help paint a picture of what order and peace can look like in the home. With so many families struggling with chaos, dysfunction and rebellion, we want to talk about God’s design for the home and what it can look like. Today’s episode will set the stage for future episodes on this subject. We also discuss extraterrestrial life and how to live in a way that is not easily offended.

Q&A on Extraterrestrial Life

If God created the entire universe, is it safe to assume he also created all extra terrestrial life?

Q&A on How to Keep From Being Offended

Offenses are so hard to be dealt with, especially the unexpected ones. I struggle with the ones I did not see coming over my blind spot. What do you do when those come your way? How do you prepare to deal with those? The element of surprise can catch us off guard and the results can be at times devastating. 

Feature Presentation: What is God’s Order for the Home?

Today we establish what living in God’s order looks like, as well as our own personal struggles to manifest this. Join us in learning to overcome and see God’s way manifest in our households!

(1 Corinthians 14:33 NKJV) For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…

(1 Corinthians 11:3 NKJV) But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Listen in using SoundCloud or the Player at the Bottom:

Question: What areas regarding God’s home would you like to be discussed in upcoming episodes?

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10 Ways to Make the Best of a New Church Experience

If you find yourself in a new church for various reasons; maybe you moved to a new location, you had to leave a previous fellowship or you have been out of church for a while; there are some great mindsets that can help you make the best of your journey in a new church fellowship.

I have watched this transition from various perspectives. Whether it has been in the position of being a staff member, a lead pastor or in helping a local church, there are many things I have observed in over 20 years of experience.

Listed here are ten helpful tips I have found to make your new church experience the best it can be, no matter the situation.

1. Recognize No Church is Perfect

You would think this goes without saying, but we have to recognize that no church has it all together, no matter what is projected from the stage. Everyone is battling something or going through something challenging. Every church has its strengths and weaknesses. No church is going to have all the programs, ministries or emphasizes that you want.

In addition, you have to remember the people in the church are not perfect. Sometimes it can be easy to say that “church people are hypocrites” as an easy cop out for ever having to be a part of a church body. Usually it comes from a place of hurt more than anything else. Give those in the church, including leaders, the grace to work out their journey and growth, just as you need that.

2. Give it Time

One of the key things I tell people is to give it time. Take your time getting to know people and the vision of the house. It takes a while to develop a new friendship, so why don’t we apply this to our new church?

Take some time to especially understand the heartbeat of what God has called this fellowship to be. Does that DNA line up with your heart? Is God calling you to plant here?

As you get to know people, don’t expect to have ten years worth of relational connection in 2 weeks. Give God time to build those relationships.

3. Don’t Try to Change the Church

One of the dangerous things I have observed numerous times is when people come into a church with the mission of changing the church and especially the pastor. So many people will talk to me about their church, with this subtle mission they have of trying to change or influence their pastor to “correct” something in him. They want to influence his decisions and change the way he sees things to match the way they perceive life, the Bible and church ministry. This is not a healthy motivation when entering a church. In fact, it is very manipulative. Our heart’s motive should be that of blessing and adding value to the atmosphere of the body. Don’t try to change anyone. Just simply be available and let God show you His heart for that church body.

4. Find Out the Special Call on that House

I have a personal conviction that every fellowship has a unique reason they have been set in the community. Yes, there are the overall directives from Scripture for the church in general. But I believe there are some unique things each fellowship brings as a contribution to the body of Christ and also to that specific area. Take some time to tune into what that might be.

Every church has strengths that line up with its calling and no local church is strong in everything. The biggest mistake churches make is they try to be like other churches or get as many programs going as possible, without thinking through specifically why God has placed them where they are. Yes it is there to reach people, evangelize and make disciples, but what does that look like for this house?

Sometimes we criticize a church for what they don’t have, when in fact, what you are criticizing is not a part of that church’s core calling in its identity and strength. Could it be there are churches set in certain regions for a specific purpose? Find out what that is.

5. Don’t Make Quick Evaluations

Ive seen more people make this error–they jump to a conclusion too soon. They either say, “This is the best church ever!” or they judge the church negatively too quickly. In taking your time, don’t come to conclusions too quick, but give God a chance to work the process of our new season.

Some look for that instant, “this is home” thought in their heart from God. Don’t put that much pressure for that to happen. I find that people who have that experience don’t automatically produce consistent fruit.

6. Beware of Past Church Hurts

I believe its the number one destructive influence in churches today. The hurts that have gone unresolved from your last church will likely be your radar in this new place. You will look for those dysfunctional patterns, even if they are not even there.

The hurts that have not been resolved from your last relationship will likely be your radar in this…
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When people transition into the church I lead, I prefer to walk through that process slowly; where they work through it with their old church and walk away with honor, so as to bring the least amount of baggage into our fellowship and to leave as little damage in the previous place as possible. Now this does not always happen, but it’s worth the effort on my part to encourage this process. I know what’s it’s like to have people leave suddenly, without healthy transition. So I would never want to influence a situation that does not honor the previous church.

7. Don’t Leave Burned Bridges from Past Church Relationships

As best you know how to do, don’t leave things unresolved from your last church experience. What needs to heal? What relationships need to be addressed? Are there people you need to forgive? Unhealed wounds from the past will creep up in this present environment at some point, so you mind as well deal with it now.

8. At Some Point, Make Your Decision Known

Don’t sit in limbo forever. At the right timing, its important that you make your decision to plant yourself in the church known. But make sure you don’t say it until you are ready to back it up with action. Don’t say you are “all in” until you are ready to show with action that you mean that. Its important to take your time, but at some point a decision needs to be made.

At some point, make all your commitments known.
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Once the decision is made, know there will be things you’ll need to work through, but that is the process God is bringing us all into–becoming one as Jesus and the Father are one. But remember, its your covenant commitment that will make the biggest difference in the life of your church. Once you are “all in,” the rest is details. I have this saying which I believe fits so well. The best church in the world is the one you are married to. Break through the uncommitted culture of today and be one that commits all the way.

The best church in the world is the one you are married to.
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9. Become Someone Who Adds to the Life of the Church

Don’t be someone who just sucks off the fumes of the church’s people and resources. Don’t just take up a seat. Find ways to contribute with time, financially and relationally. The question to ask is: “How can I best flow from my gifting in this church environment?”

10. Be Willing to Work Through Any Issues

Issues will arise, so be ready before they come up to work through them. Make a decision now that you will choose to grow in everything, versus running away or adding to the problem. The day that every church members gets that their role is important, they will see negative issues as a way to grow in relationship more than anything else.

What’s the best way to work through tough issues? Let God work on your heart. Most of the time, we think the problem is everyone else, so we shut down relationships or move away in fear. But quite often the struggles we face with people are our greatest discipleship opportunities to grow into a new level of maturity.

The relational struggles we face are our greatest discipleship opportunities to grow.
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#066: What to do When You Feel Ignored [Podcast]

Do you walk in a room and feel like no one knows your there?  

Have you been with someone for hours and they never ask about your life?

Have you been in a meeting or at work and no one asks for your input?

Have you had a major event happen in your life and no one even asks or acknowledges it?

Do you call someone, text them and/or email them and they don’t respond?

Todays episode will hit all these areas and more, getting to the reason why we often feel this way and what to do about it.  We’ll be honest about our own struggles with feeling ignored and what we have done about it.  We’ll illuminate rejection buttons that we all have, all our insecurities, and shine a light on where we need to be perfected in knowing who we are. We are going to talk about what to do when you are being ignored or feel like you are being ignored?

We will cover in this episode:

To become more aware if you are ignoring others.
What to do when you are feeling ignored.
What influences us feeling ignored.
Practical steps to get free from the pain.

Question: What parts of this discussion helped you in your journey? (use the comment section below) 

 

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Top Reasons Christians Get Taken Out

I watch it all the time. Well meaning believers getting “taken out.” They served for 20 years, then all of a sudden they are checked out and want nothing to do with building the church or serving people any more. They don’t even seem to carry a love for God. They wear that burned out look in their eyes. A deep cynicism and hardness shrouds their words and perceptions. What happened?

What does it mean to get “taken out?” It really speaks to getting out of the growth curve that God has you and on and out of the assignment He has put over your life. When we stop pressing in, believing and growing in overcoming, the temptation to take the easy road of complacency is so near. In addition, most people who get take out often express a fatigue of helping people and dealing with all the “stuff” that comes with that.

We’ve all been tempted. I have been tempted. In fact, I get tempted all the time. If you are not tempted, then you may have already been taken out.

Anyone who steps out into uncharted territory and plows new ground gets tempted to just bail and do something without the the daily resistance. I have watched too many friends get taken out. I grieve seeing them step off their potential. They take an easier route. They leave the church. Their marriage falls apart. They get deeply hurt and never recover. Afairs take place. Their sanity breaks down. Or they just simply check out emotionally and spiritually.

So what happens along the way that leads to this?

Of course this kind of issue never happens overnight. There are snares along the way that entrap believers, but take time to actually have a full effect. They appear as speed bumps, but if these deadly traps are ignored, they paralyze us later on in life.

Here are some of the things that work to take us out over the long haul.

1. We actually get weary in doing good.

This first one may come as a surprise, but one of the greatest ways the enemy gets to us in simply by wearing us out. In Daniel 7:25, it is said that the enemy persecutes or wears down the saints. Quite often the biggest snare is that people get burned out doing good stuff–loving on people, helping those in need, teaching and going out of their way to serve.

One of the greatest ways the enemy gets to us in simply by wearing us out.
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The command in Scripture tells us to not be weary in well doing, for in due season … This means that a growing patience is needed in the journey. But how easy it is to lose focus on the prize, disconnecting to the reason we began this journey to begin with. We lose connection with the “why” we chose to follow Christ. Maybe our “why” was not a good one to begin with.

Losing hope is a big contributor to this. When hope is waning, we lose passion and our vision becomes blurry. I myself have experience deep times of disorientation and confusion over where I am and where I am going.

2. The journey gets “too hard”

I get concerned that we often present a life in Christ as something that will take all your problems aways and be an easy life. We portray a Gospel that has all the sacrifice eliminated from it. Our modern soul winning techniques remove the “all in” call that Jesus brought.

Whenever He would speak to someone about following Him, He always brought a strong demand–”sell everything you have, let the dead bury the dead, leave father and mother”–to shake off the hindering attachments that could derail their commitment down the road.

Today, Christianity can be very lazy in America. We want maximum miracles with minimum effort. We even gravitate towards teaching that seems to convey a life of absolute blessing without much effort on our part. So when the battle gets intense and certain things don’t change easily, too many get taken out and go into a neutral posture spiritually. They still go to church, pay their taxes and pray over their meals. But inside, they are checked out from overcoming.

American Christianity wants maximum miracles with minimum effort.
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3. We lose who we are.

A classic mistake we can make is when we get so lost in a role or mission, that we lose our identity into it. Men usually do this as they soak who they are into their work. Women often get trapped into having no identity other than being a mom. This can be so easy to occur, because if we do not have a solid identity in our hearts to begin with, it is very easy to immerse ourselves into a vocation, position or role.

Problem is, when that “role” ends, we lose the job or our kids grow up and are out of the house, we have nothing to fall on, so we begin to crumble internally. Our whole sense of well being was not in who we are as God’s son or daughter, but was instead hard wired to that role.

4. The people we help bite back.

One day God spoke to my heart about helping people. The thought came to my heart, “Are you willing to help people that will bite you back?” This was a very sobering question, because one of the most challenging things about helping people is that those with hurt will often hurt back, often and hard! People have certain expectations of what you need to be for them. If those standards are not met, the fury of offense comes out and they lash out of their hurt. Quite often, they are projecting their hurt from the past on you.

To those who serve people, are you willing to help people that will at times bite you back?
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5. A relationship takes us out.

This can be a huge trap for single people. In over 20 years of ministry, I find this can be the top thing that will sidewind a work of God in a single person’s life. Just when a they becomes on fire for God, suddenly a person of the opposite sex who does not have that same spiritual fire comes into the picture. The surrendered believer becomes quickly seduced into being tied to someone that does not fuel their walk with God, and sidelines their progress.

Sometimes all it takes is a family member. Its important to know that sometimes satan will simply use a family member and our ties to them as a bridge to pull us back into toxic ways. I watch people who make full decisions to serve God with a greater tenacity and surrender. Then suddenly, a family member starts increasing their interaction and influence. The person then becomes swarmed by the fumes in the family that do not encourage the ways of God. Very quickly the old patterns kick back in.

6. We get offended.

It’s quite simple: if we are easily offended, we are destined to get taken out. That is why everyone has to work on this issue to grow to the next level. I am concerned that our politically correct culture is affecting the “all in” call that Jesus brought, causing us to give a lukewarm invitation to the Kingdom of God. I find this produces believers that cannot handle being offended well. They often go quickly into bitterness and anger, without doing proper conflict resolution. The unity of the body suffers and eventually the offended heart will grow cold and hard.

It’s quite simple: if we are easily offended, we are destined to get taken out.
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7. We get disappointed.

When I sit down with people who have checked out and somehow got taken out in their journey, usually there is some major disappointment in their life they have not handled well. They prayed for someone to get healed and that person died. They took a major risk and it didn’t not pan out anywhere near where they expected it to. They stepped out and people abandoned them.

All of us experience those disappointments. They challenge us to the core, tempting us to bail out and leave what God puts on our hearts to pursue. These disappointments cause us to silently feed an anger with God, feeling like He left us hanging. What we do with these disappointments will make or break the giants that press into victory and those that fall to the wayside.

The danger of getting “taken out” is that our hearts get hard. Once we flip the switch in our hearts to the “off” position, it can be very hard to flip it back effectively.

8. We lose the simplicity of love relationship with God.

Every the we do needs to stem from a love relationship with Father in our lives. But many get deterred into a complex lifestyle, where they are bombarded with demands, pressures and distractions that keep them from the simplicity of love relationship.

Jesus simplified it. Love God. Love yourself. Love your neighbor. Everything hangs on this.

Sometimes we compromise, so our passion for God wanes. Most of the time, we just get so busy that we forget our first love. We often just get too busy to see the value of investing in day to day love relationship, where we learn to be still and let God refresh us.

Sometimes all the enemy needs to do to take us out is to blur our lens of love relationship with God. And the call to bring us back is the same as the church of Ephesus. Get back to your first love.

Question: Which reason in this list sticks out the most to you? What reason would you add to this list? 

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#065: What To Do When You’re Overwhelmed [Podcast]

Todays show is on a topic that we can call specifically relate to, because it deals with feeling overwhelmed. We all go through seasons or continual seasons where we feel stressed, overburdened and overwhelmed. We are going to address the subject of being overwhelmed and burnt out, while sharing our own journey in overcoming.

We are going to look at,

What causes feelings of being overwhelmed?
What does being overwhelmed do to us?
What do we need to stop doing?
And what do we need to be doing to keep the monster of “overwhelmed” off our backs?

Question: What things were helpful in this episode about feeling overwhelmed?

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6 Kinds of Daily Thoughts that Will Improve Your Health

You are what you think. The Bible teaches that as we think, so are we. Our bodies are responders to the kind of thinking that takes place within us.

Negative, toxic, doubting, unbelieving, hopeless, fear-based and unloving ways of thinking are detrimental to your health and sanity. But God has created our bodies to thrive in amazing vitality and wholeness when our lives are built upon ways of thinking that add life to your temple.

Quite often, the condition of our health can be traced back to the quality of our thought life; not just the thoughts we present to people, but what we really think within ourselves, about our life, God and others.

The solution is not only to removing toxic thinking, but filling your life immediately with thoughts that produce life and health.

The following are 6 kinds of thoughts that can add life and health to your body. You can start activating them today.

Just like physical exercise, these thoughts need be practiced every day. They may not come natural to your patterns, but they are natural to who God says that you are.

1. Gratitude

Start every morning off with gratitude. Before your feet hit the floor, take a deep breath and begin to thank God for all that He is, all that He has done and and all that He is doing. Begin to look at your life through the lens of appreciation, for this will form your expectation throughout the day.

When you are grateful, you are less prone to be stressed and angry; two toxic mindsets that are harmful to your health.

2. Forgiveness

All day long, forgiveness needs to become a way of living. You will be bombarded all throughout your daily interactions to become more embittered at people and life. Jesus spoke of forgiving seventy times seventy, meaning you will constantly need to forgive and carry the power of grace in your life.

The moment we let the trap of being offended gain a foot hold, a seed of bitterness creeps in and sets up shop to defile you. Bitterness, unforgiveness and anger are major disease causers, because your body was created to live in love, grace and forgiveness.

Every day, let go of those who have hurt you and wronged you. In fact, before you go to sleep at night, just release all the people in your life that could potentially be instruments of bitterness in your life. Your body will thank you for it.

3. Thoughts that Promote Self-Nurture

You cannot wait for other to affirm you for you to come to peace and self-love.

Our bodies need to be nurtured, and you can do this by how you speak and think to yourself.

I encourage people to do a very simple declaration over their life and health. It is very simple. It says,

“God loves me.

I love myself.

I love my life.

I have what it takes to overcome.”

Sometimes I repeat it until it sticks.

This simple phrasing helps us focus our attention on what matters; God’s love for me and His flow in my life to help me overcome. It stirs up gratitude in my heart. It focused my attention to His love, so that loving relationship becomes a priority throughout the day.

To nurture myself, I must say “yes” to God’s love for me and accept it into my being. So many people, including myself, can often be so unkind to ourselves. One day I felt God speaking to my heart, saying, “The thoughts you allow in your mind about yourself are so harsh and abusive, you may want to call family protective services. You are being trained to be abusive to yourself.”

Wow did that open up some revelation in my heart! I was not being a good friend to me. Satan had trained me to be an enemy to myself in my thoughts. To reverse this, I began to look at myself like I would look at someone else; thinking, “What does this person need in love to break forward?” It’s sometimes easy to see that for someone and give that out, but often hard to see that towards ourselves, where it is so desperately needed.

So I decided every day to only allow thoughts about me that are based on love. The Bible says that love is patient and kind, so I decided to welcome thoughts that are kind towards me and thoughts that promote patience towards me in my journey. What a new way to think, but one that has been so refreshing and freeing!

4. Face Your Fears

Every day, do something that scares you.

Step into something that you have been avoiding. Face something that has been tormenting you and crush it.

Facing our fears is so good for our bodies, because our physiology has a stress response built in. So many spend their lives avoiding anything that activates their stress response, thinking that’s the answer. When in fact, stress can be good for you. It challenges you to grow, rise to the occasion and develop a sense of faith you did not carry before. Certainly, chronic stress and anxiety is not good. But why not turn the tables on your fears and get excited about the new challenge ahead of you, which will cause you to grow!

Don’t try to live in a cocoon, get out there and face your fears!

5. Process Your Grief

Every day you have disappointments, loses and unexpected pains that comes your way. Its important to put into your daily regiment, times where you process those things out with God. Take some time to cry, mourn and cast your cares upon God.

Keeping that stuff pent up or ignoring it all the time is deadly to your health and well being. At some point, you will snap and explode if those areas are not addressed. I have ministered to hundreds of people that have never simply grieved.

Go ahead and mourn; grieve the losses of your life and disappointments. Then get back in the game and love on others.

6. Thoughts that Lead You to Love on Someone

Every day of your life, give who you are to someone and love them.  Take some time to love someone that even stretches your ability to love. Find someone who you can give of yourself in time, finances or energy and bless them.

Selfishness and being self-consumed are not good for your overall health and they keep us in isolation. Get out there and help someone. Put yourself in a position where you are able to get out of your battles and help those who are struggling in their own life.

Above all, let’s make it our aim to develop a new training to think in ways that are helpful to our overall health and wholeness. The Bible has been speaking to this for centuries.

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2 NKJV

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8 NKJV

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#064: How to be Thankful in the Midst of Challenges [Podcast]

Today’s episode addresses a question that was submitted on accessing the power thanksgiving. But how do we walk in thanksgiving while in the midst of challenging circumstances and facing a world that seems more and more hostile? Listen in as we uncover our own struggles while laying out some great ways we can harness the power of thanksgiving, no matter what. Be empowered to be thankful regardless of where you are. See the power of what happens in your life!

Our second question on the show addresses how we as Christians should position ourselves towards Israel.

Today’s episodes topics stem from questions that were submitted:

First question on thanksgiving comes from Davide Colletta from North Carolina
Second question was submitted by Adam Brown from East Hartford, Connecticut.

Question: How do you find this episode to be helpful in your own journey? (use the comment section below) 

 

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12 Ways You Can Hurt Your Church

What’s the best church in your area? The answer is actually quite simple.

The best church in the world is the one God plants you in to be fruitful in. Over the 20 years that I have been involved in pastoring, helping churches and carrying leadership responsibilities, I have noticed some clear things that help contribute the church and some very clear things that do erode the church’s potential.

Although this list could include so much more than what I have here, the following are some key mindsets and behaviors that hurt the life of the church.

The best church in the world is the one God plants you in to be fruitful in.
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1. Don’t see your importance and value in the body.

This one is of top priority, because it is critical that each person see their value and importance. They also need to understand their value is directly connected to the rest of the family. I think many problems in the church come down to people not seeing themselves as a value to the body of Christ. So when they don’t grow, they don’t see it as a big deal. When they arrive late, they don’t think it affects anyone. When you don’t see value in yourself, you lose sight of how your life affects everyone else.

In helping people, I notice everyone has little traps in thought that end up “taking them out.” The attacks often happen at critical times, usually when its time to gather as a church family. This is when people get taken out the most. When their value in who they are is needed, something comes up and they lose sight of it quickly. They get derailed over and over again, simply because they do not see themselves as important in the body of Christ.

When you see your value, then you see the importance of bringing your full self to the church.

Many problems in the church come down to people not seeing themselves as a value.
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2. Don’t come.

When problems arise, isolate in them. Instead of pressing in further with God and those in the body, allow those problems to take you out. We must be ever so aware of how our challenges will seek to take us off of our assignment. Sometimes the battle is just in whether or not you will show up. It seems like today, people will let anything, from the weather or a bad mood keep them from gathering with brother and sisters.

If you do come, make sure it’s late.

I find that in many churches, so many powerful things happen from beginning to end. Many people arrive late because of their own bad habits, while others skip the time set aside for worship. They see that as unecasary warm up songs and they just come to hear the message. Yet they miss out, because from start to finish the Spirit of God needs to weave the work of God into the midst. When we come late, we end up having to play “catch up” to what the Spirit is doing.

3. Find fault with everything.

This is the world of a critical spirit. Its like Statler and Waldorf on the Muppet Show, finding a way to criticize and mock many of the things that take place. When sit “in the seat of the scornful” (Psalm 1:1) we position ourselves into a dangerous arena, no matter how right we think we are. Fault finders can always SPOT a problem, but they never SOLVE a problem. They are definitely church killers.

Fault finders can always SPOT a problem, but they never SOLVE a problem.
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4. Never accept responsibility to change.

To ruin the health of the church, place all the responsibility for your growth on the church and everyone else. This is detrimental, because only you can take responsibility for your growth.

Only you can take responsibility for your own growth.
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5. Never take ownership for the life of the church.

Many people have a “renters” mentality when it comes to church; so they take no ownership in what happens. If the church is struggling, they shake their head, but go home and live life as though nothing happened. They do not have a vested spiritual investment in the body. Those who breathe life into the church take ownership for their part to help solve problems and be a part of the solution.

Problem with many in the church is they are renters, not owners.
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When you rent an apartment, if something breaks, you call the landlord to fix it. Since you don’t own it, you have no obligation to fix it. There are too many people renting pews (and some pulpits).

6. Don’t work on your issues.

Over time, if we don’t deal with our lives, it creates a drag in the flow of the church moving forward. This doesnt mean we have to be perfect. It just means that we should not be coasting–but day by day, we are letting God work on our lives. This will show and enhance the life of the body. When we dont, other people end up carrying extra burdens.

7. Get caught up in toxic communication.

I almost made this number one, because a lack of healthy communication destroys so many churches. What is being said is off, or what is being heard is off. Maybe both are off. That is why I so passionately teach on the rejection spirit, because this stronghold interferes with communication being effective and clear.

8. Develop a bad attitude towards leadership.

Most people leave churches over an issue with leadership. They do not like the style, personality, relational approach or even perceived doctrinal positions of people in leadership. Leadership can certain have its flaws and errors, but we tend to quickly blame people in authority, coming out of our unhealed wounds.

Our culture today has many issues with authority. As soon as a leader rubs us the wrong way, we withdraw and find another group to connect with. We havent been trained to honor authority and to work through issues.

9. Never serve.

It’s far easier to criticize than to mobilize. As Seth Godin says, “No one has ever built a statue to a critic.” If we want to make a difference, we have to accept the responsibility to lead — whether formally or informally.

Leadership is not about position; it’s about influence. Everyone in the body needs to see the power of their influence and use it to edify the body. A congregation full of followers is on life support and is getting ready to die.

10. Get mad if you’re not appointed to a position.

Your insecurities will rise up to take you out at some point, even training you to be hurt because you are not being “used enough.”

The Bible teaches that our gift will make room for us. Many people bypass the blessing of God, because they feel they should be given a role, often sooner than God’s timing.

11. Hold back on your giving to the Lord.

No matter what your position on money, it takes finances to run the church and also to provide resource those the church is impacting. It doesnt matter if your church meets in a giant building or in your home, generosity increases the influence of the church in the region and beyond.

12. Don’t reach out to others or nonbelievers.

It’s time we move from building church transfers to reaching people for the Gospel and walking with them into the life of our church. This is not your pastors burden, but the calling of everyone in the body.

Question: Which of the 12 here is the most deadly to you? What do you feel is something that hurts the church that is not mentioned here? 

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#063: How to Find and Keep a Good Spouse [Podcast]

In today’s episode, we are going to address the second most important decision of your life. Next to what your relationship with God is, your second most important decision is who you end up marrying. Whether you are single and looking to get married or you have already been married for years, this episode will encourage you to find and keep a good marriage.

We also want to talk about the qualities of a good spouse, not just what you look for, but who you become as a spouse.

For today’s show, Mark & Melissa address the following areas:

How do you deal with the picky problems that people have in relationships?
Mark shares his story of relationship struggles.
Melissa walks through how she was able to overcome relationship issues.
What advice would you give single people?
What are good mindsets to cultivate when it comes to having a great marriage?

Question: Which areas of our discussion were helpful? What questions did it bring up? (Use the comment section at the bottom of the page.) 

Recommended Resource:

 

 

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