Mark DeJesus's Blog, page 112

#097: Questions on Old Age, Salvation and Dating Struggles [Podcast]

For the next few weeks, we are taking questions from our audience. On this week’s episode, we tackle a variety of questions, addressing old age in the Old Testament, trust and commitment issues, intimacy struggles and a question on coming to God in His love or in fear.

To submit your own questions, to Ask Mark on our web site.

Charity Spicer asks a question about Noah and old age.
We receive a question about young people, relationship, trust issues and more.
James Staskelunas asks a question about the love of God and fear when it comes to salvation.

Listen in and let the show touch your heart!

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms

 

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The Challenge of Living Bitter Free

 

When I wrote the book Bitter Free in 2015, it was not from a place of theory or book knowledge. Little did I know in 2004 when I went all in for personal healing and transformation, that I would be challenged to the core relationaly. When Jesus said in the last days hatred would increase, betrayal would abound and the love of many would grow cold, He was not kidding.

I took a step out to risk it all for helping people heal and walk with an overcomers heart and rise to walk in relationship transformation. Somewhat naive to the condition of people’s hearts, I thought, “Who wouldn’t want to experience greater freedom and healing and in their life?”

Boy was I in for a rude awakening.

The realization of how much the enemy owned people’s thought and choices was overwhelming. Not only was there so much destruction in people’s lives, their ammunition would come firing at me. Whether it was direct fire or collateral damage, the explosions of bondage sought to defile me into a sea of bitterness.

I experienced more relational hurt than I ever did in the decades before I went “all in” for the overcoming life. I was challenged to the core. I felt the sting of betrayal from friends, neighbors and those that I was simply trying to help.

The abandonment came from those who said they would help, but would walk away so easily offended. If I had a nickel for the people who would pledge one day “I am all in,” only to never be seen again… So many would pledge support in words, only to disappear in action.

PS, if you think I am talking about you, relax. I don’t broadcast these issues or wear the pain on my Facebook page. Most people are not even aware of how their actions affected me and many others. Even when I tried to talk with them about it, the conversation would go sour. Too often people that hurt others are really just thinking of themselves. So many simply got knotted up in their own problems and personal brokenness, they had no time to see outside that.

God spoke to my heart in this season. I felt Him saying, “Are you willing to love people and equip them for healing, even if many reject you or hurt you back in response?” This was a tough question to answer, but one I was willing to face. I can’t say I lived in it fully every day. I was still so shocked at how much believers were owned by the enemy.

I found myself receiving better responses from non-church people than those who called themselves followers of Christ. I would correspond with those who talked like they were comrades but would ignore my own season of hardship. I learned the hard way that most people get so lost in their problems that they become terrible friends. I would send emails for help and connection, only to get crickets. Something was really wrong!

It was in this time that living bitter free became formed in me through experiencing a lot of pain. I had a choice. Either the arrows that came at me would inject deep bitterness, or I would have to grow to a level I never walked in before.

The pages of that book became my own personal strategy to walk free in the midst of darkness. Besides what is in the book, here are some things I have had to learn to lot let the enemy get the best of me in trying situations with people.

1. Many people just wont run with you.

You cannot take that personally. A lot of times it has nothing to do with you, but their own brokenness and focus on themselves.

2. Many do not want to deal with their issues.

They would rather remain in status quo of comfortability than face their pain and brokenness to go to the next level.

3. Its easier to blame than take responsibility.

It is so much easier to blame my marriage struggles on my wife, ministry struggles on other people or limitations on what other people have or have not done. I ran into many who would rather blame their last pastor than deal with their own offended life. It is a lot harder to let God look at my heart and challenge me to go to the next level.

4. I can ignore the pain or face it and deal with it.

I was one who shoved a lot of things down in the past. I would rather avoid the pain and move on than face what hurt and wounded me.

5. Healthy conflict resolution is really only for the overcomer.

I believe one of the opposites of an overcomer is a coward. One of the signs of a coward is they run from any confrontation or hard relational issue.

I always wondered why in the book of Revelation, “cowards” were listed with the sexually immoral, murders and other sins. Yet I have learned that cowards create severe damage in organizations and families, because they never deal with issues in relationships. They can often be the most dangerous people in a group. They take the road of least resistance while the enemy devours their church, family and coworkers. They often allow more damage by their passivity than those who offensively destroy relationships.

6. What offends you and tempts you to be bitter reveals where you need to grow.

We love to blame other people for our problems. I know pastors who would love to do ministry, just without any people. Sometimes I don’t blame them. Yet we have to make the decision to grow in how we approach relationship and where we need love, grace and forgiveness to have a greater work in our lives.

7. The enemy is using more and more people to spread toxicity, so we must keep a spiritual lens on.

We also cannot hide and isolate. Creating a log cabin in the woods away from humanity may sound nice, but it does nothing to lay an imprint of the Kingdom in people’s hearts. You cannot make a difference for God if you don’t know how to do relationships. I don’t care how spiritual you think you are.

8. Sometimes your anger is actually connected to something God is feeling over the land.

I had a dear friend in ministry point this out to me as I grieved over what I saw in the church and in our generation. I was working hard to rid myself of this frustration, when this friend said to me, “I think you are feeling the ache of God over the land.” When I noticed that, it caused me to immediately be more moved with compassion to make a difference, rather than sit in bitterness.

9. What I am able to handle now will determine my level of operation in the future.

I have a choice. Do I want to remain stuck here, or do I want to grow? Will I wait for people to change or will I make the decision today to change and grow to the level of my walk? That choice is always mine.

10. I cannot carry the sin of others into my own being.

Releasing and forgiving other people really helps me not to take their sin issues into my own life. Bitterness is the enemy’s way of spreading the defilement of sin in the lives of everyone. It stops dead in its tracks when we forbid other people’s negative choices to affect our being.

11. As I forgive others, I must also forgive and release myself.

I have learned that being kind and gracious to myself is a gift to my health and wholeness. The junk of others can often cause me to be hard on myself. I would often think I was the problem or things we always my fault. This was a terrible trap, until I saw the enemy’s plan in this area. Being kind to myself, staying out of guilt and not listening to accusation, helped me to remain free of any shrapnel the enemy used through others to contaminate me.

Living bitter free is a choice, but who wants to join me as an overcomer to live in greater freedom?

The post The Challenge of Living Bitter Free appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

#096: Getting To The Root of The Problem [Podcast]

On this week’s episode, we want to get to a major reason we don’t see change and transformation in our lives. We often wear ourselves out and live in constant frustration because of it. We try to overcome so many battles, but we never get to the root reason why this battle is even here.

We love helping people get to the root of their struggles so we can stop just clipping away at the branches, but cut the root right out.

Jesus said in Luke 3:9 “And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees.” That is what we want to help you with.

So in this episode we want to hit our most passionate subject which is to getting to the root behind what keeps us bound and living in a lack of wholeness.

In this episode we address:

The two top reasons why we never get to the root issue of our battle.
What does it mean to live in ignorance?
What signs show that we are living in denial?
What are some examples of getting to the root cause? Of relationship struggles? Mental battles? Physical diseases?
What are some key questions to ask when moving forward?

Recommended Resources:

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms









Have Questions? Send them to Us!

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8 Things You Need to Know About the Season You Are In

I remember back in the years of 2007–2009, running into many people who shared what they thought I should do and where I was headed. I would hear so many words spoken regarding how amazing those years were going to be; that they would unveil tremendous fulfillment and breakthrough. These things were said to me and they were often preached in church.

This was wonderful and I fully agree with the motives in those words spoken. Yet at the same time, I was frustrated, because those 3 years were the absolute hardest years of my life.

Looking back, no one ever sat down with me to talk about the realities of the season I was in; new marriage, child on the way, no stable income, completely new course of ministry, starting new friends, shaking off the toxicity of old relationships and more.

There are very few mentors out there that can recognize a season someone is in and maneuver through it effectively. We have a lot of people that can tell you how to go from “a to z”, but very little about how to walk in “b to y.”

Something’s missing when we do not carry the wisdom to recognize the season that a person is in.

There are themes that God is working on in the body of Christ as a whole, but at the same each individual person has to connect to the unique season God has them in. If you don’t, then you will jump into principles out of context, get easily discourage and lose the value of what God is doing in your particular season.

So here are some things I have learned, that have not only brought me great peace, but also set me up for tremendous seasons of growth.

1. Everyone is in their own unique season.

We need to be aware of the season we are in and relate to others out their season. When we do so, we align ourselves with God’s heart over that person. I had many great prophets speak to my life, all speaking powerful things over me. Yet it was a little known prophet who never met me and said in 2008, “Mark, its just not time yet.” It was the most empowering thing I could have heard, because I had so much piled up in my heart to release, but was frustrated that the opportunities were not showing up.

What’s going on God? Is there something wrong with me? Something I am missing? Please show me! Yet it is the recognition of seasons I am in that help me to gain the greatest fruitfulness in my life. So many people are waiting for the next chapter of their life, while they scorn what’s in front of them, thereby sabotaging the next stage.

I recommend you get into the Bible and find the person who you connect to the most. Find the one that matches the season you are in the most. Put yourself in their story. Extract every bit of revelation you can from their life.

Maybe you connect to doing right but getting the short end of the stick, like Joseph. Maybe you are afraid to step out like Gideon. Maybe your mouth keeps getting you into trouble like Peter did. Find the connection and stay there until you become one with what they carried.

2. Do not compare your season with any other human being.

This will kill the vision of God over your life. Comparison is a deadly trap that will lures us into enemy thinking. All it takes if for you to compare your family or marriage to someone else’s and you will be hating on yourself, your wife and situation. I have talked to scores of pastors who fall into depression, simply because they see another church growing, while they themselves can’t get any movement going. A neighboring business is flourishing while you can’t seem to even get by.

To fathers and mothers, do not despise the seasons of parenting you are in, where you may not be able to give out as much as a single person or someone who’s kids are all grown up. You will lose the value of what you can pour into your children in the formidable years of their life. The number one regret of parents with grown children that I hear is, “I wish I was more present when they were younger.” They missed the season God had them in by being ambitious about something shiny they wanted.

3. You need to connect to the theme that God is working on in this season of your life.

Comparison is a joy stealer and it will distract you from remaining focused on what God is doing in YOUR life. It is my conviction that God has a theme He is working in every believer’s life. Give me 20 minutes and I can help you pull it out. It’s really not that hard. It can often be boiled down to one or two sentences.

The more we pour into that theme, the greater growth and fruit we see. When we compare ourselves to others or focus fully on someone else’s theme, we lose traction and get burned out. One person may be learning to walk in stillness and peace, while another is learning to break out of passivity and aggressively step out. Some are in planning stages while others are in the implementation stage.

4. Don’t be Lured into Thinking Someone Else Has it All Together

With the rise of online platforms and social media, it’s a greater common problem today to think that others are doing so well while we are doing so terribly. We compare our backstage with someone else’s front stage life.

I run into so many people that are blessed by my pictures and posts of my marriage and family. They compliment our investment in the home, which is awesome. But underneath their words is a self-rejecting mindset that says, “I wish my family was like theirs and it’s not.” They don’t realize the struggles, agony and battles we have. They have a perception that Melissa and I don’t argue, our kids don’t get rebellious and we have perfectly smooth days.

We have to end the lure of comparison by remembering, no one has it all together and no one is without tremendous battles. No matter what people of any position present, behind the scenes there are deep battles, struggles and broken areas that challenge them to the core. I am not saying everyone’s life is a mess. Well….maybe. My point is that we all have issues. Stop thinking someone else doesn’t or you’ll make the mistake thinking that if you had someone else’s husband, parents or financial status, you would be so much better.

5. Get happy about the season you are.

Besides comparison, the greatest mistake you can make about the season you are in is to loathe it. To hate on where you are at is to hate on your life. One of my morning declarations states, “I love my life.” Every day I want to create an imprint in my heart to love where I am as I walk forward.

Loving where you are doesn’t mean you want to remain stagnant. It means you focus on what you grateful for and appreciate each stage of your life. If you do not love where you are, don’t think for one second love will just show up the moment your circumstances change. This is why people who gain fame and fortune overnight are some of the most miserable people.

6. Respect the season other people are in.

If you don’t, then you’ll push someone into something that is not in their timing. Pastors, don’t push someone into a ministry role that goes against the season they are in, just because you need to fill a position. Friends, don’t give advice to someone without recognizing the season they are in.

Years ago I was helping a pastor make some healthy steps towards change during a difficult season of his life. Because I recognized he was struggling with depression, I gave him coaching and steps that honored what he is working through, while giving him strategy that could take him from where he was, to where he needed to be. When you recognize where someone is at, you position yourself to be the greatest encourager and it stops you from rushing other people to get somewhere out of timing.

Sometimes when we get a breakthrough revelation, we immediately share it with as many people as we can. We then shakes our heads, wondering why other people are not getting it like we are. That’s because at the stage they are presently in, they are not processing things as you are. This is where patience comes into play.

7. Patience is always needed.

I believe patience is the greatest key when it comes to addressing the season you are in. Without it, we miss one of the greatest pillars of love. Patience gives us the ability to firmly and calmly walk through the season of our life and gain the greatest amount of growth from it. In fact, the book of James says that when patience has its work in our life, we become complete, lacking nothing. Wow! I want that!

In a world that thrives off of quick changes and fast results, we must remain grounded in the Kingdom of God’s timeline, which works methodically, yet also on a different timeline. We love to read the “and suddenlies” of the Bible, but we neglect to see the decades of patient living that led to those moments.

If you add patience to the narrative of your life, you remove a yoke of pressure and begin to accelerate your ability to learn and grow by paying attention to what is in front of you. Do not gaze out the window while neglecting what you need to address inside right now.

8. I can’t shorten a slow season, but I can prolong it.

Everyone has slow seasons and more accelerated seasons. During the drier ones, sometimes called wilderness experiences, we begin to doubt and allow stress to come upon our hearts. We make the mistake of trying escape the current season as quickly as possible, while ignoring the lessons we need to gain.

I watch people go around the same mountain thousands of times without stopping to notice they are falling into the same dysfunctional patterns. Many times, we don’t move into the next season until we address our hangups the current season exposes. So instead of asking, “why am I here?” begin asking, “What can I learn and overcome right now?” This changes the focus, turning you from a victim posture to an overcomer’s heart.

Where do you need to be more aware of the season of life you are in? What about in others?

The post 8 Things You Need to Know About the Season You Are In appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

#095: Are You Equipped for War? [Podcast]

On this week’s episode, we discuss one of the critical blocks to making any changes or breaking free into new patterns. This area takes people out without them even realizing it. We want to address the spiritual resistance that occurs whenever we decide to make any change in life.

Do you find that when you are in a place of taking steps into new things, you get confronted with major obstacles? When people step into new territory, they are often not ready to face the resistance that arises. Do we even know what that resistance is?

We want to talk about the war that goes on around us, how to see it, how to process it and how to defeat it!

In this episode, we discuss:

What the spiritual resistance is.
What we need to do about the war waging over our lives.
Getting a better picture of our battles
Learning to develop a spiritual fitness to overcome the resistance against us.

Resources Recommended:

Starting a New Season Off Differently – Free Teaching
The Final Quest by Rick Joyner 
Loving Yourself Freely Seminar
Do I Really Love Myself – Melissa DeJesus
6 Steps to Making New Friends – Mark DeJesus Guest Post on Patheos
Exposing the Rejection Mindset – Audio Book

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms

 

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Two Great Reasons Why You May Not Be Seeing Fruit in Your Life

We are designed to produce fruit in our life, manifesting the ways of God through changed lives and relationships that display His ways. Yet there is nothing more discouraging than feeling like your life is not producing any fruit. If we are honest, a lot of accusation and condemnation can pummel the mind, keeping us wondering whether our life even makes a difference.

Although I never try to answer questions with pat answers, I do think there are two critical things to keep in mind if you honestly feel that you are not seeing the fruit that you believe God can manifest in your life.

1. Your investment needs more time.

In the natural, we all understand when you plant a seed in the ground, it is utterly foolish to expect fruit the next morning. But we tend to treat our spiritual life like the fruit should show right away.

It doesn’t work that way in the natural, nor does it in the spiritual. Seeds need to grow into plants. Then plants over time begin to blossom and produce fruit. A lot of time and care go into the full process.

There are seasons of growing a harvest and you need to know what season of life are you in. If you are an overcoming believer, odds are you are planting seeds everywhere. You would never drop a seed in the ground and expect to eat fruit the next day. But we tend to do this with our spiritual life.

The quick results mindset of today does not fit into the Kingdom of God. Most major changes often work through a lifetime of investment. Even bigger changes can take generations to take place. So we must keep the bigger picture in mind of what we are contending for, long term.

We also need to find who we are in the process of what God is doing. If we connect to our role effectively, the overall work that God is doing will increase in effectiveness.

There is no overnight success, no matter what people may think. Those who appear to manifest overnight success have years of investment and faithfulness that brought about the fruit. It appears to others than fruit just appeared overnight. Yet behind the scenes, there was a lot of prayer, contending, disappointment and tenacity involved.

Fruitfulness takes steady perseverance, the ability to hang in there when everyone around you has quit. It also takes resilience, the ability to bounce back from falling down or being hurt.

The most fruitful people learn to live as overcomers. They don’t let life push them back from their potential. They keep the big picture in mind and they daily invest into that larger vision.

I have a hunch that you may just need to stay it and not quit. Millions start strong. A minuscule amount of people remain to see it through.

2. You are being pruned.

As pruning helps a tree in the natural, so does it in the spiritual. Our Father in heaven is the vinedresser, who loves us deeply. He cares for us so much that He prunes off areas that are not who God made us to be. He also prunes off areas that can be hinderances to us producing the maximum amount of fruit over the long term.

Most believers hate pruning, but it doesn’t need to be a dreaded process. The reason the pruning process is so painful for people for some, is because the areas God is pruning have become so much a part of their life, that living without these areas becomes painful.

Its hard when God starts causing us to face our fears rather than running from them. We get pruned when God wants us to stop blaming other people and grow up into greater maturity. Pruning gets hard when we have to let go of our addictions as comforts for our life. The anger’s gotta go. The false coping has gotta go. The pity parties have to stop.

God is so loving. He knows exactly how to prune us, because He is the perfect vinedresser. He doesn’t condemn us, use guilt or accuse us into conformity. He knows in the beauty of love how to address the areas of our life that will hurt us in the long run. But most avoid this process at all costs.

A lot of our coping patterns and reliances become idols. We focus on them so much we cannot see God in our situations. We lean on them for life, but they are killing us in the long run. Our self-loathing, fears, unworthiness and addictions, to name some, seem to serve us, but are destroying our fruitfulness.

Pruning only works well if you get to the root of that particular branch. Otherwise it just grows back. So many waste their time trying to clip the ends of the branches, when God needs to get to a deeper root system. When we hit the root system, we address the areas that get to the heart. It exposes what we live by to cope, heal and function. Our Father wants us firmly rooted in Christ and established in the love relationships He has for us as the perfect Dad. Everything else is a cheap imitation.

The issues that God did not create us with all need to eventually die and burn away. As a planting of God, we must know there are areas of our life that are not in alignment with who God made us to be. The pruning addresses this.

During pruning seasons, things seems slow and fruit doesn’t seem to be popping everyone. But just wait. If you let the process of transformation have its effect, you will have more fruit than you will know what to do with!

Many people try to avoid or medicate away their pruning process. Instead of letting a loving Father teach them into the next stage of breakthrough. We wander around the mountain over and over.

Why avoid it, when amazing fruitfulness is right around the corner?

The post Two Great Reasons Why You May Not Be Seeing Fruit in Your Life appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

Live One Day Event – Loving Yourself Freely 02.28.16

One Day Seminar: February 28, 2016 6PM – 9 PM
LIVE IN PERSON in Manchester, Connecticut & LIVE ONLINE
A one day seminar on learning to love yourself as God loves you!
Awaken Your Heart
Receive Love from God
Love Yourself as God Loves You
Transform Your Relationships!

One of the biggest struggles over our generation is the inability to love ourselves. Our daily lives are filled with unloving tendencies that do not allow us to walk in loving our neighbor as ourself. Thus we are unable to sense God’s love for us on a daily basis and we struggle to love others freely.

We struggle to like what we see in the mirror.

Our thoughts about ourselves are not kind and we struggle to love others to our fullest potential.

Are you able to love yourself?

As I work on my next book, addressing the topic of loving yourself powerfully, I want to host a one day seminar, to help address the unloving strongholds that keep you from being able to love yourself as God designed you to.

Many people are walking around with hearts that are unable to give and receive love. They are bound in fear and uncomfortability regarding true love. Their hearts battle shame, self-hate, insecurity, low self-worth and a low self-esteem.

In this one day seminar, I will address the following:

What is self-love and what does it look like?
Understand spiritual heart conditions that keep us from letting God and others love us.
Identify the unloving strongholds that keep us from being able to be loved and to love ourselves freely.
Break free of the assault against yourself.

In this seminar I will also walk you through tried and proven habits you can practice immediately to begin loving yourself and freeing up who you are as God’s child to love others powerfully!

I am opening limited seating to only 15 people in person. I will use this opportunity to help answer questions and equip people on how to walk in healthy self-love. Those who cannot make it in person can register for online viewing. Online viewing capacity is unlimited.

The post Live One Day Event – Loving Yourself Freely 02.28.16 appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

#094: You Know What You Need To Do But Don’t Do It [Podcast]

In this week’s episode, we want to address the struggle of knowing what you need to do but not doing it. This is something that is really holding people back in their journey. It can also frustrates those who are not believers, watching those who believe not doing what they know to do. We can claim we know things, but we are not actually living them out. We then manifest a lack of change. We want to break this pattern down and help people to manifest more fruit and freedom in our lives. How can we break this problem of having knowledge with no application?

The following things are addressed in this episode:

The consequences of knowing but not doing.
How do we really begin to take the next step and make change?
How do we get over knowing what we need to do but not doing it?

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms

Recommended Free Resource:

 

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Letting God Love You As His Creation [Video]

For those of you that wrote, asking for the complete message, here it is on video!

I am passionate about helping people gain an amazement for God by seeing how beautifully He is involved in our creation, identity and destiny.

Do you know you need to have a great relationship with yourself? Do you have the ability to truly love yourself as God loves you? Do you know how to really walk in the love that Jesus spoke of, so you can love your neighbor “as yourself.”

In this critical teaching, I uncover the importance of being able to love and accept yourself. I also exposes the war over being able to truly live and accept this.

Pay special attention as I speak to your conception and even pray to the issues that may have surrounded your birth that God wants to heal.

Learn what it means to love who God made you to be and stop being an enemy to yourself!

Scriptures:

Matthew 22

Psalm 139

Watch Video: 

The PBS Nova Special I Referenced is Linked Below:

PBS Life’s Greatest Miracle (Watch Online) 

What I speak about begins around 24 minutes.

What I mentioned in the teaching is referenced approximately around 27:40.

 

 

 

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#093: Awakening Your Disconnected Heart [Podcast]

On this week’s show, We want to share and help people understand why we are lacking desire, motivation ad passion.. Do you have a history of heart break, have you said vows like “i will never feel like that again” or had a recognition of how your generations process pain and you are manifesting the same way of ignoring the pain, or have you developed a lack of connection in your heart. We see this as a pandemic issue in society and how it relates to relationships with ourselves, family and others, tragedies we see in the news and how people are processing through life. So if you can relate to times of numbness, disconnect, lack of heart passion today is for you!

On this show we cover:

Why living from the heart is so important.
What happens when we ignore the life of the heart.
Why processing pain is important to keeping the heart healthy.
What does it mean to process pain?
What are 4 unhealthy heart patterns that contribute to heart & passion struggles?

Recommended Free Resource:

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms

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