Mark DeJesus's Blog, page 111

How to Leave a Church Well

In the years I worked in pastoral ministry, I was very familiar in processing the departure of people from the church from various roles, as a staff pastor and also as a lead pastor. I found that most of the time this played out in a rather unpleasant way. Rarely was it ever a good experience for both sides. This is sad, because it shouldn’t be that way.

The facts is, relationship seasons shift and change. If we keep the bigger picture of what God is doing in mind, someone leaving a church can and should be a great experience of them moving on to new things, not bitter departures or dysfunctional cut offs.

If the church learns how to do healthy relationship, then someone moving on and leaving shouldn’t be a purely negative experience. Christians ought to be experts on how to process through these kind of transitions, rather than producing the devastation we often witness.

I have never understood pastors trying to convince someone to stay in a church. In my pastoral work, I never wanted to pressure anyone to be in the church and stay if they did not want to or did not enjoy it. It goes against basic relationship principles. It’s like having a meeting to convince someone as to why they should be your friend. It’s absurd.

But of course, too many times the motives of keeping the business machine running drives everything. There can be a pull to keep people because of what they can do for the church or the finances they contribute. This often takes us off the big picture of what God is doing in the Kingdom, versus our own kingdoms that we like to build.

If a church is really a healthy, biblical and apostolic-minded place, then people should be leaving all the time. The goal should be sending not keeping and hoarding. We often claim we want to get back to a biblical church reference. If this is true, we need to learn how to equip people, with the understanding they may and should go to another location or emphasis in their journey. Apostle means “one who is sent” which means churches should be sending centers, not sitting centers.

The goal of a biblical church should be sending, not hoarding.
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This is a prime reason I believe people leaving a church hurts. They have extended their stay and have been mentored in their full calling, which may involve moving on from that particular church fellowship. Churches can’t think about this, because they are too busy building giant organizations that cannot handle these kind of changes. Therefore, people often plateau and relational issues stir up.

Which is the second reason why church transitions are so challenging–people have not dealt with their spiritual junk. Satan loves getting into the mix and causing rifts in leadership and the people who are a part of the fellowship. Too many relational problems go on and on with not even a thought that the accuser is in the midst.

Walking through someone leaving the church takes a healthy church leadership and a culture that understands how to process through these transitions in a healthy manner. I have been on both sides of the equation, experiencing both good and horrible experiences with leaving a church. In over 20 years of working in ministry and helping people, here are some things I have found helpful when walking through departing a church.

1. Work Out Your Relationship Filter

Satan gets into the minds of people way to easily today. It is so important that we check our own motives and perceived hurts before making decisions. Beware of creating perceptions about other people and judging the hearts and motives of others. Too often, we come out of a place of hurt more than anything else.

You can’t go wrong when you ask God to check your heart more than trying to judge what everyone else is thinking. When we fall into a “us against them” mentality in relationships, I find that people can posture themselves as martyrs, where everyone is against them. I have found that adjusting our personal filter is so critical to maneuver through relational health.

2. Work Out Relationship Issues as Best You Can

Many often leave a church or organization because dealing with people gets hard. The truth is, relationships are hard work and sometimes we bail out just when in reality, the relationship could go to a new level.

Satan is a divider. He loves to create arguments and battles that get us lost in arguments rather than the big picture. People become focused on winning an argument more than growing in loving relationship. We get off track and lose focus of what God is seeking to do, while becoming immersed in periphery issues.

If you are deciding to leave, make sure it’s based on a good decision and not on something that can be worked out relationally. You rarely hear a church departure story where the person says, “Yeah I had some issues I didn’t deal with that were a part of the problem.” It is usually the other people that are 100% accused of blame. We’re all prone to being deceived, so being self-discerning of where we might be contributing to the problem may be helpful.

3. Stop Trying to Change Your Pastor

If I had a nickel….for every time I witness someone trying to change their pastor.

More often than not, I will have conversations with people who talk about what their pastor needs and how they are hoping he will “get it.” They send him links to videos, slip books on his desk and push to have certain speakers come in.

This is often driven by good intentions, but its filled with manipulation and control. It’s unhealthy and out of order to try and change anyone, let alone our pastors and leaders. The best thing to do is to be a supportive presence and to pray for for them. If you get to the boiling point in the vision and direction of the church, have a healthy sit down conversation.

4. Have Honest But Loving Conversations

An honest conversation can be had without being accusing and condemning. Most of the time people enter into these meetings throwing spears, without having a listening ear. I advise people that they need to walk into these meetings with 100% listening ears, with a motive to understand, not just get your point across.

I am amazed at how people can leave churches without having some good conversations. One of the reasons people leaving a church is so hard on leadership is that it often comes out of the blue. Things seems to be going fine until suddenly someone leaves without much communication. Suddenly, it dawns on the pastor that there wasn’t an honest relationship all this time.

If someone meets out of the blue with a pastor, announcing they are leaving, with no history of honest conversation, they often hide the real reason they are leaving. When I was a lead pastor, at first I would confront this, often to find myself thrusted in exhausting arguments. I learned quickly to not waste energy trying to heal with someone who had no intention of working through issues.

Usually a relationship needs to go to the next level by becoming more honest. When making an invitation for honest communication, you wil find few that take the invite. Often the hard and honest conversations give the relationships the opportunity to go to the next level, even if it means the relationship has to move on from its current form.

5. Have Communication in Person

This would seem obvious, but it has to be mentioned, because it is not followed. Too often, the departure is announced quickly and suddenly, so as to avoid any awkward conversations. Your departure doesn’t mean you have to burn bridges emotionally, but we do that when we leave without healthy interaction.

I know some churches can act like the mafia; once you leave or consider leaving, you are treated as an immediate outsider or even a traitor from then on. That just shows they are not Kingdom minded. But it is still worth it on your end to have an honest face to face conversation. Do your best to communicate, so that even if you leave, you can go with a clean heart.

I’ve watched people leave churches without having healthy conversations and talking through any issues. It damaged the leadership team who had invested years into their family and life. In my pastoring, some would leave with an email….no meeting in person and no helpful conversation. I have watched many leave without saying anything, with little regard for how their actions effect others.

6. Work on yourself because you will carry personal problems into the next church.

To this day, people think there is a perfect church out there somewhere. News flash: everybody’s broken to some degree, no matter how shiny the exterior is. In addition, every church has its strengths and weaknesses.

People have their growth to do, including those in leadership. If we’d stop putting people into such pressure cookers of judgment and evaluation, the church could grow in a lot more health and power. Too many church cultures put more pressure on their pastors and church leaders to be something for them personally.

So the first solution is to always work on yourself. Let people experience a growing and maturing “you.” Every organization will be blessed by a person who grows to handle relationships in a more mature manner.

But understand, leaving a church doesn’t solve your own toxic issues. Whatever toxicity you have will follow you into the next church. So catch the pattern, if you continually see problems in everyone around you, then recognize the things in you that may be the common thread.

7. Don’t stay somewhere you are disgruntled in.

Either work it out or leave with peace. There is nothing worse than having a member of the body who does not want to be there. I have heard countless stories of people moaning and complaining about their church. Yet they do nothing to help.

Then there are those who are in dead or toxic environments that stay because that is all they know. They feel guilty for leaving, meanwhile their spiritual growth is stagnant. I have witnessed more situations like this than I could ever keep track of, where people plateau spiritually, but refuse to consider they may need to change their environment.

It saddens me to watch families stay in a spiritually dead environment, solely for the sake of their kids attending Sunday school or because they like the friendships. I encourage families to make their decision on a church based on the leading of God but also through the vision of their home. Once the vision of your home is settled, then where and how you plant yourself will come out of that.

8. Go blessed.

If you have done everything you can to have proper communication and realize its time to go, then leave blessed. Ask for the pastor’s blessing. If he doesn’t give it, shake the dust off your feet.

Don’t take people with you. There is no need to create a rift. I left a church I was on staff years ago to pursue an entirely different calling. I know for a fact that I did not take one single person with me.

Respect the church’s position as you move on. Don’t get entangled in their drama or listen to gossip about what is still going on at the old place. If they welcome communication, give it. If it’s not, then move on with a good heart.

Focus more on where you are going, rather than what you are leaving, even if the future is unclear. People like to make it more about why you are leaving, but let God make it about the great future ahead.

You may need time to heal in the transition. Don’t feel you need to make a drastic decision about the next step, but engage blessing on your way. Do relationships right and let God lead you into the next chapter with peace.

Let God be your guide as you move on… “you shall go out with joy and be led forth in peace.” (Isaiah 55:12)

The post How to Leave a Church Well appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

7 Common Roadblocks to a Life of Rest

We want rest, but we often get held back by some subtle obstacles every day. Here is what I find keeps us from entering into rest on a daily basis.

1. A Hard Heart.

If you feel the Father leading and guiding you, incline your ear to Him. Be willing to face new  areas He may be leading you toward. Is He asking you to face a certain fear or rejection issue? Allow Him to touch your heart at a deeper level. Keep a soft heart before  God is a key to rest.

Allow God to focus on who are, rather than always asking Him about where you are going. People who live in rest focus more on identity and relationship than destination.

2. Unbelief

A heart of unbelief deters the ways of God and gives the enemy’s camp a field day. If you  struggle with seeing an optimistic future with God in it, unbelief is there. Unbelief involves an unwillingness to be convinced.

Unbelief prevents you from walking in what God has for you and  shrouds you in fear and heaviness. It gives a death-blow to hope and is a block to rest (Hebrews 3:12).

3. Not Hanging Around Rest Filled People

To live in rest, you need to find people who manifest that or who are headed there. Get around them and let who they are rub off on you. Many times, we just need to be reminded about our place in rest.

One component to tackling unbelief is being in intimate friendships with others in the body, where we can speak into each others’ lives, exhorting one another daily (Hebrews  3:13). We are children of God with the power of God residing inside of us. He loves us dearly and fiercely and we have all of God’s backing, at  all times. Sometimes we just need to be reminded! Resist the temptation to isolate and ask God to show you one or two people to open up to.  

4. Non-Stop Living

Daily exhorting one another can help to snap us out of negative  spirals and to see the good hope and future God has for us. As  believers under the New Covenant, one of our highest aims is to be  abiding in God’s ongoing presence, His rest and His love even amidst stressful situations. In order to do this, we must begin to make a  conscious and consistent effort to stop, slow down, and take a moment to  meditate on God.

When the enemy wants to take us down with drivenness  and striving, we must cultivate the opposite spirit by intentionally  slowing down, inviting God into our present situation, and meditating on  what He is saying to us for that particular moment. The Word says it is not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit (Zech 4:6). A great place to  start is meditating on God’s love for you and your love for Him. Practice taking your peace.

5. Too Many Agendas

I find that when I live in the true rest of God, there are a couple priorities that God wants me to focus on. I can immediately tell I am living out of rest when my to do list and agenda piles up sky high. Sometimes I can let achieving goals get the best of me and there is little time for margin.

I have had to learn to stick with the few priorities that heaven has over my life. Those areas will produce the most fruit. The other stuff will be just hay a stubble. I’ve have also learned to love the down times, the stillness and times of the day where there is no agenda but to be in relationship and rest in that.

6. Forgetting What God is Saying

We so easily forget what’s true and important. We leak all the time. I know I do.

The reason that regular meditation on God’s Word is so important is because we need daily reminders to enter into belief that leads us into rest.

Spending regular time remembering God’s Word is crucial, since the Holy Spirit will bring the Word to remembrance; guiding you in your present situations.

God is not interested in doing everything for us, but in partnering with us.  Give up striving or passivity and instead take a time-out to come into agreement with what God is saying for your situation. Then yield to  it. You’ll manifest a steady, sound-minded power that will blow the world away!

7. Impatience

Similarly, we must be patient and gentle with ourselves as  we journey into rest. Be gracious to yourself. Rejoice in even a few  moments of rest initially, knowing that you are on your way to entire  days of rest! Be quick to forgive yourself when you fall out of rest and get back in!

The post 7 Common Roadblocks to a Life of Rest appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

Two Roads that Keep us From Living in Rest

We all long for rest. Peace. A calm within the storm, a slowing down of the all-too-frantic pace of life driven by deadlines and pressure. We look forward to the end of the day to rest. We get excited about vacation time, where we can finally land into some rest.

But guess, what, it never happens!

It seems the hardest thing for people to do today is rest. Why would something so refreshing be so difficult for people to enter into?

What is Divine Rest?

From God’s perspective, there is a rest available for us to live in every day, all day long. The rest of God is not a vacation or an escape, it actually involves the ability to face your life with a peace, confidence and full tank of resources to overcome the obstacles of the day.

For most today, rest means collapsing after a long and hard day. Yet they don’t find rest, because they’ve been ignoring the rest available to them all day long. Culturally, rest often means escape; running to a serene location while avoiding uncomfortable circumstances.

Yet divine rest from God is not a geographic location or an escape, but a confident condition of the heart and mind. Walking in rest is the most powerful position a believer can stand in—giving you the ability to face everything that opposes you and stand when everything is screaming to panic.

Divine rest from God is not a geographic location or an escape, but a confident condition of the…
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When the enemy tells you to run, rest helps you to stand. In fact, some of the most powerful spiritual warfare actually comes from a place of rest. Yet this rest is not just something we ask for in the moment of crisis, it is something to be exercised daily so we are ready to stand in the day of resistance.

The fact is, true rest is simply a muscle that has not been exercised. We’ve been trained to live very frantic lives, while begging for rest when our unwise living piles up to our necks. Now, more than ever, we need to jump into the rest available to us.

Rest Available to You

You must know, there remains therefore a rest for the people of God. (Hebrews 4:9 NKJV)

One of the most counter cultural mindsets believers should carry today is rest. But for most, it seems to be the greatest challenge. If you are up for the challenge, I encourage you to read Hebrews 3-4 every day for 30 days, to renew your life in the ways of God’s rest.

The Kingdom of God manifests itself most through believers who operate in rest…true rest.
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When do you read about Jesus frantically rushing around, stressed-out and exhausted under the pressures of life? He perfectly manifested God’s nature, but He was never swayed by the pressures in the world. Jesus was able to speak life into death, because of the rest He lived from. He spoke peace to the storm, because He carried the peace of rest within. He heard the Father’s voice from a place of rest He cultivated and guarded daily.

But Jesus, You don’t understand my world? Really? What would your life be like if everyone you touched got healed and delivered? Wouldn’t that create an insane demand on your life? Yet every day, you read in the Gospels Jesus living by the peace and cadence of heaven through each interaction. That’s the life of rest.

A Rest to Give

It’s hard for others to be drawn to the truth you have to offer if you’re life does not manifest rest. It doesn’t mean your life looks easy or your circumstances always work out. It has little to do with that, but more to do with the condition of your heart through circumstances.

It’s hard for others to be drawn to the truth you have to offer if you’re life does not manifest…
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Kingdom rest is not defined by placid external circumstances nor does not have its most powerful work when everything is going smoothly. Divine rest is the divine atmosphere of internal calm amidst the stormy seas that meet us head-on in our daily life. It is in this place of external turbulence that God wants to  teach us to maintain peace and rest inside.

It is in this place that we can truly shine and make a difference in those around us. While the world is scrambling for any semblance of sanity during perilous times, this is actually our moment to rise and shine. While people crumble in fear, we need to be equipped in rest to stand, ready.

While the world is scrambling for any semblance of sanity during perilous times, this is actually…
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Road #1: Striving and Drivenness

For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His. (Hebrews 4:10 NKJV)

One of the subtle traps modern people fall into is the habit of chronic busyness and drivenness. We don’t fall asleep at night, we collapse into our beds, from a day living outside of rest. We get so used to constant busy living that we get addicted to the buzz of constant activity. We want rest, but we resist living in it, because rest involves a much slower pace of life that we typically allow.

Drivenness puts pressure on us, causing us to feel like we have to make everything happen. This starts off as an admirable trait. Hard work and diligence are a part of life. But people who fall into drivenness come into an agreement with a subtle thought that the pressures of life rest on their own shoulders.

The problem is, when results happen, the work done by our own hands needs to be maintained by our own hands. Therefore, we have to work with our own efforts to preserve what our hands did. When fruit manifests from rest, we can have a peace knowing that the God who released grace will continue to do so.

To enter into true rest, we have to daily renounce our driven lifestyles, for they drain us of energy more than refresh. Driven people end up burning out constantly and losing their energy. They lack refreshment because they ignore the need to release pressure and make regular times throughout the day to remain grounded in rest.

Road #2: Passivity

Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest (Hebrews 4:11 NKJV)

Don’t mistake it. Rest is not lazy or passive. Rest is a very active position. In fact, people who live in rest can actually are incredibly diligent. Rest manifests a confidence by which our efforts are fueled by the faith we have in God. Drivenness puts trust in our own energy and strength. Rest places a complete trust and confidence in God’s ability to work in and through us—where the fruit that manifests points back unmistakingly to the power of God.

Living in the rest of God is not lazy or passive, but very active, because belief is active.
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Rest is not sitting on the couch. Many people claim they are living in rest when in reality, they live very passive lives. They avoid hard conversations and escape talking about tough issues.

People who live in true rest do no avoid or hide. They know how to face circumstances confidently, while helping others to enter into that same rest. Show me a person who is living in true rest and I will show you someone who has effectively faced the issues of their life.

Many say, I am waiting on God. when in reality, they are justifying their passivity. Husbands can spiritualize their passive posture in their homes with just trust in God. I find many leaders can spiritualize their problems away, when the situation could be solved if they simply faced their fears and dealt with the situation. You may be waiting on God, but quite often, God is waiting on you to step out in faith.

You may be waiting on God, but God is probably waiting on you to step out in faith.
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Question: Which road do you find yourself going down, keeping you from rest? 

The post Two Roads that Keep us From Living in Rest appeared first on Mark DeJesus | Transformed You.

Do You Have a Critical Spirit?

A critical spirit can be easy to see in others, yet operate undetected in ourselves. Everyone has to confront how they will deal with the temptations to live in a critical mindset.

There can be nothing more draining than someone with a critical spirit, but when you’re used to feeding it, breaking free can be challenging. So many live in criticism so much, it feels good to them. I have observed that breaking free can be like a drug addict journey; criticism becomes a drug.

In his book, Possessing Joy, Steve Backlund defines a critical spirit as an obsessive attitude of disapproval and finding fault. I find that people who live in a lot of negativity very easily lean into a critical spirit’s voice. The temptation becomes strong for those who have not develop a strong compass for hope and goodness. Criticism is actually easy to do, especially because negativity is easy to find. It takes a real overcomer to habitually look beyond criticism and become a hope infuser.

Discerning a Critical Spirit

Here are some signs that people operate with a critical spirit:

In general, they have a negative lens on life. They might deny it in themselves, but everyone else can see it. They move to the negative side very easily.
They have a hard time focusing on loving relationship, without always addressing the negative about someone or something.
When they talk about a person or situation, they focus on the negative with little helpful solutions.
Their focus is on flaws.
They complain a lot.
They don’t know how to live without complaining about something.
They’re always upset about something.
Regarding people who are succeeding or doing well, the critical spirit shows up to find something wrong with them to focus on.
They spend most of their communication focusing on what they are against, but very little time highlighting the good they are for.
They are rarely pleased.

What Fuels a Critical Spirit?

Insecurity: Quite often, criticism flows through people who are not very secure in how they see themselves. We often see others through how we see ourselves. Therefore, we project the toxicity onto others that we actually carry in ourselves.
Self-Accusation: Criticism is fueled by an accusing spirit, especially in the words we speak. Being critical of others helps us to avoid dealing with ourselves; keeping us from confronting the issues of our own heart.
Bitterness: Criticism gains momentum in people that have unresolved bitterness and unforgiveness issues in their life. They have unhealed disappoints that seep into their perspective.
Comparison/Competition: When we are insecure about who we are and where we are, criticizing others is an easy manifestation. We often criticize those who threaten our insecurity and lack of growth.
Perfectionism: Those with a critical spirit are hard to please and are never satisfied. This makes relationship with them a miserable experience. Very little life and hope flows from them.
Joylessness: You cannot be critical and filled with joy at the same time. It’s helpful to look at problems, but with the mindset of finding hope and solutions. There’s nothing more draining to joy than someone who finds fault in something.

Letting Go of Criticism

For those who want to make a change, letting go of a critical spirit can actually be scary. Some even think if they don’t criticize people, then bad behavior or wrong things will continue. When the facts are, the more you highlight the negative, the more it will grow. That’s why we often fail to get free. We focus on it so much that we give it power.

Steps to Getting Free:

Participate in a Negativity Fast. There’s nothing more effective in breaking our negative patterns than doing a negativity fast. It can one of the most challenging habits to apply, but one of the most freeing when it becomes a part of our life.
Get Accountable: Tell someone who loves you and can hold you accountable about your desire to change. Give them permission to call you out when you are in that rut, so you can catch yourself in the act. This can be humbling, but it will get to the heart of change in your life.
Get Around Hope-Filled People: This can be rare to find, but its worth the search. Find people that know how to find hope in the midst of challenging circumstances. Hang out with them. Learn from them. Glean form their perspective.
Confront Poor Self-Image: break agreement with the negative ways you see yourself. We flow in grace way more effectively when we process it for ourselves authentically. The next time you criticize someone, think, is this really my issue I am throwing at them?
Break Agreement with Criticism: Make a decision today that you will no longer allow criticism to be a part of your lens on life. Start declaring that you will look for hope in all things!

Question: What are some helpful ways you have found to overcome a critical spirit?

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3 Myths That Keep People From Breaking Through

Many times we need to make small tweaks to make big changes. The adjustment is almost always in our thinking. Our thoughts produce our beliefs and perspectives by which we view our life, struggles and future. In working with helping people for decades, I have noticed some things people believe that keep them trapped and limited in their breakthroughs.

Unfortunately, many of these beliefs are not strongly rooted for transformation, and keep people in a false sense of peace. They are actually myths, false beliefs that hinder our breakthrough but are often widely held. We often hold on to these myths, simply because they are widely held, not because they are actually producing fruit in our lives.

I have found these common myths that hold believers back from breaking through in the healing and freedom journey.

1. Everything that Happens is God’s Will

This one by far gets people all stirred up, because Christianity for so long has attributed everything that happens to either God authoring or allowing. Either way, we see Him as a God who watches destruction happen in people’s lives and does nothing to help, but sadistically observes it all happening. Many people even see their disease, dysfunctional upbringing or limitations as all part of God’s great plan for them.

When people tell me everything is God’s will, I remind them of 2 Peter 3:9, which says, not willing that any should perish. I ask the person, is it God’s will for anyone to perish? Of course not. Do people perish? All the time.

We actually don’t realize how much is put in our hands to either obey or disobey the ways of God in this world. When people ask, how could God allow starving people to die, the real question is, how could man allow starving people to die. We often take away our responsibility and simply blame God.

We also have very little room in our spiritual view for warfare. Many Christians fail to see how the enemy seeks to steal, kill and destroy. He gets away with destruction every day. Meanwhile, people either blame God or say He watched and allowed it. We have been bewitched in our spiritual lens and we lose our fight to press in for winning.

2. I Have Done Everything. Now God Needs to Do Something.

At some point in our journey, we fall into the exhaustion of overcoming and we feel we’ve hit a limit. In our frustration, we say, ok God, you need to do something now! We feel that we’ve hit our limit, when in fact, God wants to stretch us to a new level of endurance and relentlessness. We think we have come to our end, when God is actually ready to help us go to the next level.

But often our call for God to just do something, reveals our dysfunctional relationship with Him. We want Him to rescue us, instead of believing in His power within us and rescuing ourselves out. We fail to see that His ability and power is available in us. We need to come into agreement with that and go to the next level.

Otherwise we can often take the posture of self-pity with God–waiting for Him to do something rather than continuing to overcome and grow.

3. God is All I Need.

We sing songs about this, but it can be taken to a place of isolation. God is the core of what you need, but you need human relationship. In my work with mental illness, one of the key components that breads deep struggles of the mind is isolation. Relational interaction is one of God’s tools to help us walk in sanity and peace. We need people around us who can encourage us into healthy thinking and healthy choices.

I find the more that people isolated themselves from authority figures and mature people, the more they can open themselves up for insanity. We are wired and designed for relationship. It’s not just a conveneince. Our wholeness depends on it. That is why we should never stop the pursuit of quality relationships, no matter how hard it gets.

Question: What myths do you find keep people from breaking through?

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#100: Redefining Success

In this week’s episode, we celebrate our 100th episode with some fun and special “guests” that celebrated this milestone with us.

Thank you for your continued support to this show and the message God has put in our lives!

This Week’s Topic: Redefining Success

We live in a culture that loves the look and feel of success. We follow success at any cost. We usually follow success in the areas that seem most appealing, having money, resources, influence, fame, notoriety….But what is success to begin with? Are we making success something it is not supposed to be?

On this show, we talk about the following things:

What is the definition of success?
What is the Bible’s definition of success?
Are our expectations of success actually flawed?
What kind of struggles are involved today in the subject of success?
What do you do with a prophetic word you don’t feel has come to pass?
Do you see yourself as successful?

Join us and let us know your thoughts in the comment section at the bottom of this page.

Listen by Using the Player Below or with the Following Platforms

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How to Grow in Discernment

Discernment is a word that gets thrown around a lot, but are we accurately discerning what we need to? True discernment is an incredibly valuable tool in the body of Christ. But it seems that for every person who has discernment in one direction, you will find another who feels they have the spot on perspective in a completely different direction. Read Christian articles online and you will find opposing views on any issue. One group can speak about something God is doing while another can claim a work of the devil is at work.

It would seem that now more than ever, we need to grow to operate in greater accuracy regarding discernment. Our times dictate a need for greater clarity regarding what God is doing and expose that which is keeping people bound.

Some see discernment as simply telling the difference between what is true and error. Although this is true, we can also find that one of the gifts in 1 Corinthians is discerning of spirits. Discernment actually has a to do with knowing the source of thoughts that are influencing a person, group or region.

Discernment helps us to grow in knowing when God is at work and when the enemy can get involved to releasing interference, division or error. I find the easiest definition for discernment is knowing the source of thought behind that which is manifesting.

Walking in discernment needs to add value and help to the body, but too many people who say they have great discernment are not very helpful with their “gift.” They can tend to do more destruction than edification. When people tell me they have amazing discernment, I get the awkward chills, because most likely this means they tell everyone what is wrong with them.

I certainly haven’t arrived in this arena, but I have had to learn to grow in discernment, especially because what I do involves helping people get to the bottom of what they battle.

I have found the following tips to be very helpful in cleaning up our discernment and walking with greater clarity.

1. Don’t Assume You Know Everyone’s Motives

The first mistake I have observed is assuming someone knows the intents and motives of others. In addition, they often lean towards assuming a motive that is evil. Too many judge themselves by their great intensions and others by their worst possible ones. How quickly we can paint a negative picture of what someone else was intending to do.

I developed a rule that I will not assume to know someone’s motives unless they express it to me directly. This keep me in a safe place of sanity, where I don’t jump to a negative slant unnecessarily. This can allow me to come under suspicion or criticism very easily. I have to dismiss the idea that I know someone’s heart and motives.

2. Be Sober About Checking Your Own Issues

Those who are superb at operating in discernment live a lifestyle of working out their own issues effectively with God. If we don’t, then what we call discernment is actually a projection of our own hurt, weaknesses and pessimistic perspectives.

If believers would truly check themselves about their own sin issues and struggles, we would be…
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Unfortunately, we too often “discern” something in someone, when in reality it stems from our own junk. If someone sees lust on everyone they talk to, they may simply be projecting their own struggle. If everyone we “discern” is jezebellic, then it actually may be our own struggle. I really think if believers would truly check themselves about their own sin issues and struggles, we would be much wiser in our discernment of others.

We too often “discern” something in someone, when in reality it stems from our own junk.
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3. Grow Up in Your Own Maturity

One of the signs of maturity is not how long you have been a believer, but how effectively you have worked out your own issues. Hebrews tells us that mature people have by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:14) Reason of use….means they spend a lot of time letting God reveal in their heart ways of thinking that are based on lies and deception.

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. 13 For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Hebrews 5:12-14 NKJVS

The disappointment in Hebrews 5:12 is still alive today. Many people should actually be teachers today, but are not. We have a church culture that is forced to continually feed people milk. They have not moved into the meat stage of maturity, simply because they have not worked out the issues that God has right in front of their face. If we’d be aggressive towards removing the hindering mindsets that keep us from living as effective teachers and leaders, the meat would come and we’d be able to minister to our world with a higher accuracy.

4. Keep a Humble Posture

If you walk around telling people, “I have great discernment,” you don’t get it. Those who actually possess a well exercised ability to discern know how to use it with meekness and humility.

I am amazed how quickly we body slam others in the name of “discernment.” We quickly toss down the reputation of another, forgetting we ourselves could easily end up in the same bondage.

Its amazing how quickly we body slam others in the name of “discernment.”

It is important that if you discern something in someone, to maintain a humble posture. First by realizing you could just as easily have the same struggle. Second, you respond with sobriety, not with a quick word or thoughtless response–but with a humble heart of love.

Galatians 6:1 gives us the goal of those who are struggling with a sin—restoration. Your heart is not punishment, but restoration of the person’s life. Discernment is only helpful here if you have a meek heart, which involves strength and power under control. I find that meekness comes best when you are reminded that anyone’s struggle could be your own. If we don’t, we ourselves could become prey to the very thing we judge someone else of.

I find that meekness comes best when you are reminded that anyone’s struggle could be your own.
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When someone bashes another person for a sin issue they struggle with, I cringe. Because I don’t wanna see that same battle now infiltrate their own life.

5. Nothing is more important than love.

If you don’t have a sacrificial love that seeks for the absolute best in someone else, don’t bother sharing what you are sensing. I have watched hundreds of well-meaning discernment shared outside the parameters of love; only to watch people’s lives become destroyed even further.

There is nothing greater than love. But when it comes to sharing insights we have, we too often make what we sense or see the highest priority. If you don’t have love but you feel you have discernment, put the discernment away. Get in the closet and ask God to give you a undying love for that person. Until your heart is filled with a love perspective, do everyone a favor and keep your thoughts to yourself. There’s nothing more damaging than a word given without love. The greatest is love. Any spiritual word given outside the possession of love is heretical. When love is present, our focus is on the power of a growing relationship, not on being right or trying to be someone’s Holy Spirit.

Any spiritual word given outside the possession of love is heretical.
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6. Become more self-aware.

This may surprise you, but one of the greatest ways you can walk in powerful discernment regarding yourself and your world is actually to improve your self-awareness. Masses of people walk around having no idea how they are coming across or effecting others. Most are too scared to let them know of these patterns, so they live for decades having no idea of the dysfunction that is flowing through them.

I find that in helping people, many are not able to even identify what they are feeling. It may seem obvious to me, but they are still unaware. If you have trouble identifying emotions, you’ll have trouble growing in discernment.

Counselors and psychologists today actually months of appointments helping people identify their feelings. I rub shoulders with therapists and even attend training events, to gain a pulse of they are facing. Most of it comes down to the fact that people have not been trained to identify their feelings and emotions. No wonder believers in the church struggle to walk in discernment.

7. Learn to sit on something before just sharing everything.

Early on in ministry, when I discerned something in a person or church, my first response was I had to tell them. A urgency drove me to communicate what I sensed as soon as possible. Growing through immature seasons taught me to sit on those things before just spewing them out.

Over time, my discernment was either corrected or steered into a greater perspective I did not initially see. Thank God I did share everything I sensed, for it would have unnecessarily damaged someone or a situation.

If true discernment comes to you regarding someone, the best thing to do is sit on it. The next is for you to pray for that person. Pray they be blessed and God would work powerfully in their heart. Let God be the one who changes people.

My goal is be a part of the solution and I have found the best way to to do that is to learn to walk in loving relationship with people. Then be available if the door opens to be a help. Otherwise, I learn to mind my own business. Too many people damage churches because they wear a superhero cape and try to fix everyone in the body.

I sit down with people in personal ministry/coaching sessions for the purpose of helping them break through. Quite often, I can discern many things off the jump while we talk. I could immediately create a list of things they need to deal with. That’s not the point. I need to patiently wait on God and learn to process the journey with the person in relationship.

8. Check your discernment with someone in legitimate authority.

Next to love, this may be the most important. There exists a mass of wandering prophets, claiming they have the monopoly of what God is doing. Yet they never connect themselves to someone of maturity and legitimate authority who can help check what they are sensing. Legitimate authority means someone who is not self-appointed.

I have watched more people fall into mental insanity, simply because they did not live in the safety of council from mature leaders in ministry. They wander on their own, often feeling misunderstood. Yet without proper healing, they find themselves in an isolation of insanity. Their once sharp discernment will become a bitter pool of bondage; for themselves and all who come into their lives.

9. Make the big picture a priority.

Is what you are sensing that important? Sometimes we can get so lost in the agenda we see, that we think this is the most important subject on the planet. Be sure that what you sense and see about the church and the world also falls into the perspective of the big picture.

Sometimes people discern something and they make it the most important subject in the church. It becomes a distracting argument that produces little edification of the body.

Because of this, we often take ourselves too seriously. We make the subject we are addressing more important than everyone else’s. Sometimes it can do us good to sit back and relax a little.

I know what you see is important, but chill out. You and I are not Jesus. We’re His vessels and God’s children, learning to grow day by day. Be patient with yourself and others.

10. Talk about everyone through the lens of grace.

If you see everyone through the lens of their sin issues, you won’t be able to see people with the eyes of Christ. Every perspective and interaction needs to be filled with the power of grace. When we do this, our words empower people to get free of their struggles, not keep them bound in them.

When grace is present, our words act as salt to people. (Colossians 4:6). Salt is a preserver, so words seasoned with salt help to preserve the righteousness of God in people. Words that lack salt actually drive people away from the power that the righteousness of Christ posses. Believers always need to be reminded of who they are in Christ as the focus of the conversation.

Growing in discernment is highly improved when we learned to talk about people from a perspective of grace. Can we talk about another person as though they are right in the room? Can we keep a redemptive perspective on others who have battles?

Growing in discernment is highly improved when we learned to talk about people from a perspective…
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It’s not that hard to tell someone what they struggle with. It’s an entirely different thing to put those struggles in the right context. It takes a discerning person to get to the root of what the struggle is, but do you know how to speak into something with salt; seasoning everything you’re saying? If not, then take some more time to grow in loving and gracious relationship.

 

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#099: Questions on Dead People, Lying, the Flesh, A Scattered Mind, Marriage and People Who Don’t Believe Like You

Today we tackle some more tough questions on our 3rd week of Questions and Answers. We have thoroughly enjoyed addressing the issues of your heart and questions you have about the Bible, transformation and overcoming.

Enjoy and get ready for next week….our 100th episode!

Here are this week’s questions:

Praying for Dead Relatives : Do you think people can still get “saved” and accept Jesus as Savior after they die ….. Is there still a chance for people to go to Heaven ..those who passed away not knowing Christ while on earth … Because the final judgement and Christ’s second coming has not happened yet. I’m often think of my grandma who passed away 8 years ago who was not saved … I’m wondering if she can continue her journey of finding the Lord wherever she is right now? Or is she straight to Hell?

Question on Sin Nature and the Flesh I have questions regarding what Jesus and Paul speak about in the New Testament regarding the flesh and the sin nature such as Matt 26:41, Rom 7:18 and Gal 5:16-25. If you could explain more to me about this pertaining to overcoming strongholds, sin issues etc. How does this apply to Spirit, soul and body? Thank you hope it’s clear what I’m asking.

Question on Lying and Liars –  why do people lie and continue to keep lying?

I know some do it hide things they have done wrong, or even justify what they are doing,  or feel they don’t want to say anything to hurt the other person.
what spiritual stronghold is going on to keep that person from being honest? Is it shame ,  insecurity ? hurt, ? etc
how can someone say they love you, but then lie over and over and hide things?
what is the need they have inside that makes them lie ?   such as lying about other relationships they have secretly?
how do we overcome lying in our own lives?

How to Be Effective Around Those Who Do Not Believe Like You Do?**Hi Mark and Melissa. Could you please shed some light on what is happening here and how to be free of it? Whenever my husband and I socialize together, nearly everyone else is an unbeliever. They are so full of outward joy and happiness (with or without drink) and I feel like the odd one out and have great difficulty in appearing relaxed and showing that I am having a good time. I know ‘there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit’; but I still feel like all eyes are watching me and that I’m not allowed to enjoy myself because of who I am. I am aware that this is back to front thinking. I (and any others at the gathering who are believers of who I am unaware) am the one who should be so joyous knowing all that I do about Jesus and my eternal future. Joy just struggles to manifest. I have been a Christian for over 20 years; but am only now just beginning to understand who I am in Christ. Another thing is that I won’t allow myself to read outside of my lane as you mentioned in a previous podcast (no 75) as it doesn’t feel right to do so and yet for all that I’ve read re our precious Lord, it’s been just that. Reading and not drinking in and being restored. Sorry for the long message. Will things turnaround and then I’ll feel more ‘natural’ when socializing the more I learn about who I am in Christ and/or is there possibly another reason keeping me from being me? Thank you and God bless you both and your wonderful ministry.

Regarding A Scattered Mind –  I see a total day and night difference in me now both in autism and Aspergers, after you prayed for my autism and Aspergers. I Keep going. I am proof God heals. I Never would have guessed it would happened to me. My Question is I need more help when I try to sit and wait on God and everything in My Mind Goes in a million e places especially cause of the Autism. But I want to Get a Prayer life and learn to Spend Time with God, but hat is Hard to Learn To Be Content in Him and Keep Him on My mind when I’m at work or just going about my Business…

Dealing with an Unbelieving Spouse: How does one deal with this with an unbelieving spouse? Especially in regards to the podcast where you discuss your spouse being your second Holy Spirit?

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What is an Overcomer?

The word overcomer is an end times word, emphasized in the book of Revelation and some other passages in the New Testament. It carries a key description for what is needed to finish strong. Overcomers carry a victorious heart regardless of intense resistance that comes against them.

In modern living, we are able to have many things without much effort or waiting. We can become conditioned to expecting great results with great ease. It can be so subtle for us to apply that to our walk with God.

In the God’s Kingdom, anything of value He deposits in our life often gets challenged. Those treasures we gain are worth contending for. The very resistance that comes to steal is our training ground to galvanize us to new levels of maturity and effectiveness. Overcomers move past the comfort stage and into a “whatever is needed to win” kind of mindset.

Challenging Complacency

Those with overcoming hearts challenge complacency. Neutrality and passivity get shaken to the core around overcoming spirits. Those who are not “all in” back away in the presence of overcomers. People admire the breakthrough overcomers bring to the table, but they neglect to understand the price involved with it.

People admire the breakthrough overcomers bring to the table, but they neglect to understand the…
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Because people are satisfied with complacency, many live decades without much change. Families stay the same. Churches remain stagnant. Businesses only go so far. Very little risk is taken and soon people are lulled into living like drones. This will never change until someone decides to live as an overcomer.

A Daily Testimony

If your personal testimony is only what God did 10 years ago, then something is wrong. A divine shift needs to occur, because God is working every day in the lives of overcomers.  But the only way this can happen is to go “all in” towards the battle that wages. We cannot watch the battle on the sidelines and expect to taste of the spoils of victory. We are either engaged in fighting the good fight or we are being taken out. There is no middle option. If you feel no resistance in your life, you may be headed in the wrong direction.

If your personal testimony is only what God did 10 years ago, then something is wrong.
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Let it All Be Shaken

When we enter into the overcomers arena, we allow everything that can be shaken to be shaken. We are no longer afraid of preserving our reputations, possessions or coping mechanisms. How we think and act all get put to the grid of Kingdom living relationships. Its not easy all the time, but its the adventure we were made for.

When we enter into the overcomers arena, we allow everything that can be shaken to be shaken.
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The moment that you make a decision to pursue breakthrough or deal with issues that have not been addressed, get ready for resistance to rise up against you and push against your forward progress. How we respond to this separates those who just want to play Christianity action figures and those who want to actually be history makers.

Overcome Defined

In the Greek context of the New Testament, the word overcome is the word nikao, which is 3528 in the Strong’s concordance. This words speaks of prevailing, being victorious, conquering, overcoming and getting the victory.

Some other meanings the the English word overcome can have: 

to defeat (someone or something)
to successfully deal with or gain control of (something difficult)
to affect (someone) very strongly or severely
to get the better of
to overwhelm

A true overcomer is one who is willing to do whatever it takes to see what Jesus paid for manifest ed on this planet to the fullest. They carry a mindset to defeat anything that resists the work of God in their life. Their perspective is not for a quick spark, but for a blazing fire to the very end. They carry a relentless endurance. They just refuse to quit. 

A true overcomer is one who is willing to do whatever it takes to see what Jesus paid for manifest…
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The themes of an overcomer say things like:

I will defeat that which resists the work of God.
I will win.
Instead of being overwhelmed, I will overwhelm any enemy.
I am not just a conqueror. I am more than a conqueror.
I was made for victory. 

Overcoming all comes down to what people do with the resistance they face in their lives. Overcomers see resistance as opportunities to grow in what they can handle. They engage resistance as an athlete engages going to the gym; it is their daily workout to stretch and enhance their spiritual muscles.

Those who are not overcomers run from resistance or fall in defeat. True overcomers run to resistance, for they see the victory on the others side to those who stay in the game.

Who or What are You Overcoming?

So the question starts to become, exactly who or what is it that I am overcoming? Some would think they are resisting themselves, that their enemy is their own self. Others see everyone around them as the problem. They see others as being a part of the resistance against them. Maybe its a mother in law, a person at work or a former friend. We could go down an entire list, but those people are not who you are overcoming.

The resistance you feel inside of you is what you are overcoming. Those pulls you feel to go back to comfortability. The draw towards an easier way. A nudge towards dysfunctional, yet familiar relationship patterns. The wall that rises up every time you want to make a step into a direction of healing and wholeness.  If you have every tried to walk in greater maturity or new direction, then you have met the resistance. Anyone who has ever stepped out into a new venture has immediately met the resistance.

The resistance is not you, nor is it a human being. The resistance is satan and his army of evil spirits that come against you. The resist any fruitful work of God in your life and they seek to contain the overcomer from ever rising up inside of you.

The moment you make a decision to get free and live a greater life, the resistance intensifies, to immediately discourage you and push you back to status quo. Most people are not prepared or equipped to handle the resistance that comes against them. So very few actually break free into the greater things available to them.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

The moment you make a decision to get free and live a greater life, the resistance intensifies, to…
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Satan seeks to do three main things: steal, kill and destroy. He knows what will discourage people and take them out. He uses what worked in previous generations to keep family lines in defeated living.

Do Not Be Ignorant of the Battle

Those who do not live as overcomers do not have a personal reality of the enemy’s resistance in their life. They chalk it up to life not being fair or their own inabilities. We can easily forget who is behind the scenes, resisting the work of God from flourishing in our life. If we don’t have a spiritual lens to our struggles and battles, overcoming is nearly impossible.

If we don’t have a spiritual lens to our struggles and battles, overcoming is nearly impossible.
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The writings of Scripture give us a spiritual battleground lens to carry as overcomers. When we do, we carry a sobriety regarding the battles and struggles we face on a daily basis.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9

The writings of Scripture give us a spiritual battleground lens to carry as overcomers.
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How does the enemy do this?

It all happens through thoughts.

With continual thoughts, feeling and emotions bombarding us on a daily basis, the goal is that you and will not pursue the fullest identity and destiny available to you in Christ Jesus. We must discern his ways and not be ignorant of the strategic attacks that come to derail the purposes of God.

This is what separates the overcomers from those who wants to coast in ease and complacency.

Question is, will you be an overcomer?

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#098: Questions on Marijuana, Acid Reflux, Seeing What the Fathers Sees and Getting Mad at the Enemy [Podcast]

In this week’s episode, we cover a variety of topics, from acid reflux healing and what does it mean to see what the Father sees?

As you listen to this episode, you may think of other questions you may have that you would like answered. Consider asking them in our Ask Mark page.

We cover the following questions in this week’s episode:

How can I experience healing from acid reflux?
As marijuana is becoming more legalized, how should Christians address this issue? Is it ok for believers to smoke weed?
Getting Mad at the Enemy: In episode #78  really spoke to me Mark. You’re saying that we really have to get angry with the enemy. I understand this; but I’m not a verbally loud yelling sort of person, it doesn’t feel right, silly I know; but it doesn’t feel Christian. Any thoughts?
Jesus Only Did What the Father Doing: You have shared on a podcast that Jon and I were listening too that “Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing”. Can you explain this in a more practical way. Even in discussing all the ways I hear or perceive from the Lord, it doesn’t give me an understanding in “Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing.” I get it, but it is a mystery. What is the revelation and application of this scripture?

Listen today and send us your feedback!

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