Tori Ross's Blog, page 9

Freebies for June!

It’s that time of the month. Want some freebies to read this month? I’ve teamed up with other BookFunnel authors and bring you some shorts AND full-length books in the list!

Click here!

Happy Reading.

The Great Exodus from Kindle Unlimited

If you’re a Kindle Unlimited reader or just follow the reading community, you may have noticed something happening in the last few months.

Maybe your favorite author’s new book isn’t in Kindle Unlimited like it always has been. Maybe you were hoping to re-read one of your favorites and it suddenly isn’t in Kindle Unlimited.

What’s happening?

In short…a lot.

Here’s what’s going on. I’m about to cram a lot of author/reader/TikTok/Amazon drama into one post.

Book Service Wars:

Before we dive deep into this, you should know that Kobo Plus, a similar but more affordable subscription service, became available to North American readers in late April. Before that, it was only available in other international locations. Kobo Plus does not require authors to be exclusive to that platform AND pays authors for time read. In comparison, authors on KU get paid per page read. Kobo authors can also sell on Amazon, Apple, and Barnes and Noble. In short, Kindle Unlimited just got some competition that makes it very attractive for authors to use their service. (More on Kobo plus later.) This had US authors raising their eyebrows and thinking, “I can have my book in a subscription service AND be able to have it in eBook other places?”

The Amazon Empire Strikes Back

Earlier this year, a handful of KU authors were terminated because their books were found on piracy sites and KU requires exclusivity for eBooks. Let’s talk about that for a second. Piracy is not something most authors actively go for. If someone strips the ePub file of a book and puts it on a piracy site for free, it’s not usually the author’s fault. We like this thing called money and want to be paid for our work. However, the powers that be at Amazon decided that authors with pirated books were violating the exclusivity clause and terminated their accounts.

People got MAD. Even though this was a handful of accounts, and we probably don’t know the whole story about what really prompted the bans, people were pissed off. Like…I don’t know what the sci-fi or thriller community was doing, but I haven’t seen authors and supportive readers this pissed since the great Tik Tok return scandal of 2022.

Readers found out authors were being done wrong over the piracy issue, and authors got mad that other authors were done wrong. We could empathize. Some authors pay services to issue takedown notices in violation of copyright. Other authors do it themselves and spend time fighting piracy when they should be writing. Other authors throw up their hands at the endless game of Whack-A-Mole, which is what fighting piracy is. I vacillate between takedown notices and refusing to play Whack-A-Mole. I’ll issue a couple of takedown notices for blatant things. I’ll even fill out a form with Google if I’m bored. I choose to spend my time on other things, though. I only do this if I’m procrastinating editing or doing the laundry. If you issue a takedown notice, that same stolen file appears on another site, usually associated with the first pirate site, a day later.

People were angry, so a petition was created, and A LOT of people canceled their subscriptions to “stick it to Amazon.”

How does KU work? The money readers pay for subscriptions goes into a big pot. Your $10 a month (now $12) and everyone else’s is the pot decides how much money will get divided up every month between the authors/books on KU. In January, the payout for authors in KU was hovering around less than half a penny a page with monthly fluctuations.

With the April update. It became .004 cents per page read.

You read that right.

If an author has a 200-page book, they’d get paid $0.80 for you to do a full read.

With how much work that goes into writing, editing, cover design, etc. of a book, that’s less than sweatshop wages. With editing and cover design running up to hundreds and even thousands of dollars. That’s just not feasible for many authors. I assume you like to get paid for your job. I assume you get angry when your pay goes down or people try to get out of paying for your work entirely. (Which is what piracy is. Stop supporting pirate sites.)

When people pulled their subscriptions from Amazon, Amazon didn’t pull its hair in anguish. Angry readers didn’t stick anything to Amazon. The Amazon empire simply shrugged and reduced the pot.

In their defense, Amazon is a business. If they have a loss, the cut has to come from somewhere. But when readers boycott Amazon, it hurts the author. It does not hurt the mega corporation that answers to shareholders.

There have been a lot of money for soccer cleats, dance lessons, electric bill payments, and car payments lost from Amazon over the last few months.

In short, it was a nice thought that the readers wanted to help us, but it hurt us to the point that many authors threw up their hands and said they’d risk going wide.

If you think Amazon is only hurting the authors here, they’re also raising their prices for readers. A subscription that was $9.99 is now going up to $11.99. Sure, it’s $2 a month in the grand scheme of things. With inflation, everything else is going up, and Amazon does have to pay authors. But when readers are already hearing whispers about Kobo Plus being cheaper, about their favorite authors being banned, and hearing that their favorite authors are taking royalty hits, a price raise doesn’t impress anyone. If they would have done this in January, nobody would have blinked. But they did it during a Kobo Plus drop and amid author outrage.

Revenge of the Author

And here we are. Romance authors, and I’m not sure of other genres, are running out of Kindle Unlimited like Forrest Gump.

Many of us are done. Finished. We’ve seen our fellow authors pole-axed through no fault of their own. We’ve seen our royalties diminish enough to where it hurts, and we are fighting mad at the large-ness of Amazon and how little they seem to care about their authors. If they didn’t require exclusivity, it wouldn’t be so terrible. But some authors are starting to feel trapped. It’s terrifying when your livelihood depends on a scammer NOT stripping your ePub file and putting it on a pirate site. It’s terrible when a big chunk of your income relies on Amazon not having a bad month.

I have four pen names. One romance. Three erotica. I’m going to leave my erotica pen names in Kindle Unlimited. Why? Even though I’m mad about low royalties, it just makes business sense because that niche and genre do well there, and it’s what my readers expect at this point. I’ve also checked around and erotica is pirated less than mainstream genres, so I don’t have as much to worry about when it comes to a ban.

My romance will be moved immediately because it doesn’t do shit no matter where I put it. Ha! Take that Amazon! (The only exception is that All I Wank for Christmas will be in KU for one run. It’s because it’s on pre-order, and I have already marked the box for KU before this hubbub shitshow all started. I asked to be let out of KU enrollment and was denied. Apologies to my wide readers, but my hands are tied with Amazon. It will go wide after the initial three-month KU contract and will be under pre-sale in Smashwords and Buy Me a Coffee before release.)

Are other authors staying? Some are. Some do well in KU and some authors are too ingrained and do earn a good amount of money. The big fish even make Kindle Unlimited bonuses the way some of us get Kindle Vella bonuses. Amazon throws money at some people. Those authors aren’t leaving.

Other authors will go wide for a couple months and come back when they aren’t angry. The pendulum swings.

Other authors AREN’T leaving simply because going “wide” on all major retailers can hurt their bottom line more than the KU royalty hit, at least at first. Promoting to all major retailers when most books are purchased through Amazon requires different marketing and time to get rolling. KU authors have allied with other KU authors for newsletter swaps and social media mentions. To pivot to wide release means you have to pivot your readers to get in the habit of paying for books and you need to find readers that don’t have Kindle Unlimited. That means new alliances with wide authors. More social media featuring wide books so those authors and PAs will feature yours. I deleted several group promos in Bookfunnel that I had for the end of the year. Why? They were KU group promos. I need wide group promos now. I’ve had to stop myself from posting links to Amazon and post to Books2Read, a service where you can find a book and click on the store link you want, Amazon included. I’m in the process of changing my existing links on my website. I’ve had to redo my marketing to figure out how to market at Eden books (paid newsletter spots this summer) or how to promo at Kobo (applying for promos, which I’ve never had to do.) I’m going to use paid promo newsletters that allow me to enter more than just links to Amazon so that buyers can access my books via Apple and Barnes and Noble. Hell, all of this will be done after the switch is complete since I’m choosing not to market heavily until I can direct my readers to one way of reading.

Social media is even different. KU authors do well on Tik Tok. Wide authors should target Facebook readers, in my opinion. Instagram seems to hover over both types of reader. But yeah, I’m dialing back on Tik Tok because it’s KU heavy. I’ll still post, but I’m certainly not going to use marketing dollars to boost over there.

Don’t believe me that it takes a different mindset? Take a look at the testimonies on the Facebook group Wide for the Win, and you’ll hear how wide is lucrative when you invest time and start advertising with “wide” thinking. It can be done, but it often takes months to get going at wide retailers. Look at it this way…would you be able to quit your job and earn peanuts for six months as you got going in a new job? Some authors can’t do that. I can only afford to do it because I’m keeping my lucrative erotica catalog in KU as I switch over and get started in romance wide.

All authors need to start thinking about what is best for their bottom line. If it’s staying – stay. In fact, with several leaving, that may raise the pot for people that stick it out. (But a lot of that will depend on how many subscribers stay with the price change.)

With all that’s going on, more and more authors are rolling the dice and moving on. From what I’ve seen on Facebook book forums, readers are looking for options, either out of want to support authors or grumbling about the price hike. At least…they are now. This could all blow over by next month. I also have a feeling that the extra $2 a month for a subscription is worth it to most KU readers that can read a book a day.

A New Hope:

To make this work, wide authors that were incensed and betrayed enough to leave now have to roll up their sleeves and do more than simply pull away from KU and stomp off mad. It’s the stereotypical publishing world equivalent of taking your ball and going home. If we do that, we better be prepared to play with some new kids or be fine by ourselves.

I’m convinced this will take a collective effort across indies and people that support them.

Authors and small publishers need to educate their readers on other options now and promote more affordable options that don’t require exclusive rights to their work. Authors will have to take to their own newsletters and social media and direct their readers to other CONVENIENT and AFFORDABLE options. Those are musts. Our readers want convenience and affordability, and we should want that for them. Amazon made it very easy for them to find a book at the click of a button and have an all-you-can-read buffet at their fingertips. If we don’t make it easy for readers, they won’t follow.

What are the options?

We all know about Apple and Barnes and Noble, but here are a few you may not think about.

Libby or Hoopla: If authors are “wide,” that means their work is more than likely available to be purchased by library systems. Want to help out an author? Recommend their book as a purchase at your local library. If the book sells enough, is a bestseller, or enough people suggest it, libraries will buy it for the online collection or even a paperback or hardback for their shelves. Most libraries have a “Suggest a Purchase” button on their website. And yes, there is something called library pricing that hovers about 3x more than regular eBook pricing for Libby. A library pays more for the book so they can check it out over and over. We absolutely get paid. When you request our book to your library, you are supporting us. Hoopla is different, and I think my dashboard says I get something like $0.26 a checkout over there. That may seem small, but I don’t have to be exclusive.

Eden Books: One romance option is Eden Books. Click here to go there. This online bookstore started in 2019 and was started because K Webster had a book banned on Amazon. If you’re mad at Amazon or want to make a point, why don’t you do it and help a female-owned small business at the same time? You can get romance, women’s fiction, and a lot of the “good” kind of erotica you can usually only find over on Smashwords.

Smashwords: Let’s talk about Smashwords for a second. That’s another fine option since authors can do early access to books for loyal readers and they often run sales and coupons exclusive to Smashwords. It’s super easy to download, and you can pay through PayPal. I like this site and will often offer coupons on stuff over there. (The Swingyards has been there for over a year.) If a favorite author is wide, they are probably there. Watch for coupons or their semi-annual sales. I always drop the price of my books to 50% off during their July and holiday season sales.

Kobo: But the ultimate revenge may be Kobo Plus because it really couldn’t have dropped in the US at a better time. As I mentioned, it’s an all-you-can read buffet like Kindle Unlimited BUT it’s also cheaper. You get 30 days free (like KU) and then get all you can read for only $7.99 a month. You can get an endless buffet of audio for $7.99. But get this: You can get BOTH endless books and audio for $9.99, essentially the same price for KU (the old price) but you get audio too. No pricey extra Audible subscription that allows you one credit a month. For audio listeners that don’t have audio through a library, it’s heaven. Click here to be taken to Kobo Plus. I implore readers to get the free trial first to see if the books in Kobo are of interest. I really hope people don’t pull the trigger and leave KU for Kobo Plus if the authors and books they read don’t exist in Kobo. Some authors even say they would love their readers to have KU for the Kindle Unlimited authors AND a subscription to Kobo Plus to get the wide authors. It would cost $20 a month to have almost every published book at your fingertips.

Tech considerations – If you read on a phone, Android device that isn’t a Kindle, or an iPad, you’re fine. Just download the Kobo app. If you read on a Kindle, you may have issues downloading from Kobo or not be able to access it at all. Hey, their device, their rules. Kobo does make its own device similar to Kindle, so that’s also an option if you end up liking Kobo and are looking for a device specific to reading.

If authors going wide can take on educating how other platforms can be cheaper or even as easy as Amazon makes buying books, we just may have a shot and make Amazon at least scratch their heads and wonder if they should maybe extend an olive branch to authors and stop requiring draconian exclusivity. That will be good for all authors, even KU authors. Even though I’m moving wide with romance, I still have my erotica in KU. Also, I want my romance KU friends to not have to lose sleep over the fear that they’ll get their account banned because of piracy. At the very least, Amazon can program their bots to recognize a pirate site when they see it. Even if something does get flagged, it would be helpful if the human customer service reps could recognize the mistake and restore accounts. I had an author friend get a book banned after she updated something on it, and the bots flagged it because it had been pirated and was what Amazon considered “freely available elsewhere.” She got the book reinstated, but it took her five days of lost royalties and sleepless nights. We shouldn’t have to undergo this.

Will Amazon ever really hurt over the (mostly) indie author exodus from KU? Honestly, I think Kindle Unlimited has been a loss leader for them for a long time, so I don’t know if it will ever actually hurt them and make them cry in their soup. If it does hurt a twinge, they are big enough to shrug and pour another brandy over cigars safe in their Amazon Death Star. They simply may not care. Bezos, God love the man, always prioritized the book business. Books were important to him because that’s how he started Amazon. With the new leadership, we don’t know if books are really the priority.

But let’s just say there comes a time when Amazon does care and wants these authors and their readers back?

That’s easy. They need to get rid of the draconian exclusivity requirement, especially if their bots can’t even recognize when a book has been pirated. A little human common sense could go a long way.

Oh, and The Flower Festival Fling is now on all major retailers. Click here to read it on Kobo Plus and here to grab it on Eden Books. Winning the Witch, Rocks, and The Cuffing Season Contract will soon join them, so catch them in KU now if you’re interested.

Happy reading…however you do it.

Book Suggestions for the Weekend

Memorial Day Edition – Click on a book’s picture for link!

It’s a long weekend for my American friends. Time to kick back with a good book. I don’t know about you, but my weather here will be close to perfect for the first swim of the year. Enjoy with something to read while you take those first steps into the public pee…er, pool.

As a side note – If you’re looking for a podcast to enjoy over the holiday weekend, Sitting Here Reading Corn with Tori Ross now has four episodes. Check it out on Spotify here or click on logo below.

Books on Sale for the Weekend

#1- A series for 99 cents!!!! Those titles, yo…Dick Slip, Nip Slip, and Beaver Blunder. Don’t tell me ya’ll aren’t a little curious.

#2- Speaking of 99 cents. Need a little MMF in your life?

#3- Need a little swinging in your life? My book, The Caretaker, is on sale until the end of the month.

Books you can Pre-order for the Summer

#1- Book five of a series BUT can be read as a standalone. Coming June Sports romance? Yes, please!

#2- This one is also a series and can be read as a standalone.

#3- This book drops June 13. It’s a hilarious, side-splitting rom/com with steam!

Happy Reading!!! Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.

Episodes 1 and 2 of Turkey in Tennessee

Turkey in Tennessee, book 5 of The Traveling Calvert Sisters, is now available on Kindle Vella. Episodes will be released 2x a week until complete.

Don’t worry. It’ll be a book just in time for fall and Thanksgiving! Kindle Vella allows me to release the book chapter by chapter as I write it.

The first 3 episodes of any Kindle Vella are always free. Click here to read or on the official cover for release later this fall below.

Blurb- Peyton Calvert has never really fit in. Content to work at Chili Shack and stay close to home with her tight-knit family, she’s always been happy slacking her way through life.
When a coworker, Avery, asks Peyton to go home with her for Thanksgiving to help deal with her own difficult family, Peyton accepts. But dealing with Avery’s uptight, all-business brother, Prescott, is harder than Peyton imagined.

Episodes 1 and 2 (The first chapter of the book):

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a shitty attitude, young lady?” the man in front of me asks, pointing a finger in my face. He holds up his container of chili and flings some of the rust-colored fluid off the rim at me. A drop hits my cheek, and I think of saving it for a later snack, but that would be weird. I’m certainly not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me wipe it off my face now.

The man’s nostrils flare over his graying mustache, and I’m so stoned I can’t look away from his nose. My eyes widen, and I stare at the tiny nose hairs moving with the man’s breath. In. Out. In. Out. They’re like leaves blowing in the wind. Fascinating. When I finally blink and look away from his nostrils, I look around for my coworkers. I must have lost track of time because my coworkers seem to be standing in different spots than they were when the conversation started. Inhaling, complete calm comes over me. It’s just another angry customer, angry at me about something I didn’t do.

I shrug. “My mother says that at least three times a day.”

“Well, she’s right. Your attitude sucks.”

I tilt my head to the side and squint, trying to recognize the man. “Do you know Dottie Calvert? Are you friends with her from bowling league?”

“I don’t know your damn mother, but if she’s anything like you, she’s an incompetent piece of crap that screwed up my order. I said no beans. No beans, dammit!”

When dealing with angry customers, I’ve found it’s best not to show signs of fear. They’re like bees, and I’m convinced they can smell your pit sweat. I pull out the cash to cover the man’s chili from the register and hand it to him with a smile, holding out my other hand for him to hand me the chili with the offending beans.

He takes the money but doesn’t otherwise move. He’s frozen in anger and breathing heavy. I hope he’s not having some kind of heart issue.

I should do something to help. He’ll probably ask to talk to Rex next. “I apologize about the beans. My goal is to make your chili experience a pleasant one. But if it can’t be pleasant, we’d love to hear about it.” I reach under the counter and pull out a stack of white paper. “Would you like to fill out a survey about your experience today?”

“Fuck you!” he yells, tossing the leaking Styrofoam container near my head. I don’t duck or move, and I’m mildly surprised that a man that looks like he was athletic in his youth has such bad aim. The container wizzes so close to my ear that I smell the extra hot sauce the man requested as an add on.

The Styrofoam container explodes against the wall behind me, and orange chili slides down the menu board. Somewhere across the restaurant, my coworker on cleaning duty breathes out something that sounds like, “She didn’t even flinch. Balls as big as canons on that crazy bitch.”

That’s me.  I’m just chill as fuck, and not much rattles me. Never has. I have eight siblings for Christ’s sake.

“Your entire generation is an embarrassment to the human race,” the man grunts, gritting his teeth. I stare at his mustache, watching it twitch and wondering if his teeth will break.

“That’s ridiculous, sir. You couldn’t have possibly met everyone in my generation.” I chuckle and wave the next person in line forward. They step around the man like they can’t be fucked with this guy either. A woman around my age with a nose ring looks up at the menu board and then looks at the man like he needs to stand aside so she can order. Like he’s a shit stain on her day.

God bless the good customers.

“This is the last time I come here, young lady,” he says, backing away from the counter and inching toward the door. He’s obviously one that will yell right before he leaves so he can have the last word. “All my friends will hear of this!”

He slams out the door, and the bell that jingles when a customer comes in falls to the floor, rolling under the tray cleanup station. I watch the bell roll until it’s out of sight and lament that Rex will probably make me get a broom and see if I can fish it out from under the trash cans later.

If I remember.

I paste a calm smile on my face and adjust my red Chili Shack visor over my long, dirty blond hair. “Hi. Welcome to Chili Shack. How can I pleasure you today?”

Avery, my coworker and crowned work spouse, snickers from somewhere behind me. She laughs every time I ask someone how I can pleasure them. It’s my own brand of greeting, meant to troll the pearl clutchers of Alton that come in with their husbands. Rex told me I need to say something like, “I aim to please,” when someone tells me thank you. I put my own spin on it, though, preferring to offer to pleasure them up front. Rex has never complained, but it makes Avery laugh when she comes close enough to the registers to hear it.

I flip her off behind my back. It’s her fault for the bad customer anyway. I love her to death, but she’s from a wealthy family down south. This is her first job, and I can’t think of one thing she hasn’t fucked up, including dishes. Who fucks up dishes? She fucked up that guy’s order, but it wasn’t the first time. I once had to use an EpiPen to save a customer that’s allergic to onions because she put onions in his order.

It’s beside the point to question why someone that’s allergic to onions would come to a chili place. As my mother would say, Avery couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel.

She grabs my middle finger and playfully twists it as she walks by. It’s kind of our thing.

I take the nice woman’s order and smile that the long lunch hour is over, and I can finally go into the kitchen and grab some cornbread and bean-filled chili for my lunch. As soon as I get back there, Avery laughs. “You still have chili on your face from that guy.”

“He had a soft arm, huh? I guess I have to go clean that up,” I mumble, grabbing a few paper towels and wiping my entire face, not just the chili. It gets hot in here, and I always sweat under my visor.

While I wipe, I check out my friend. Something’s off with her today. Even though she’s obnoxious, she’s not as obnoxious as usual. We usually sing and laugh our way through the shift. There’s been no singing today and very little laughter. For the first time since shift started, I notice bags under her eyes. She didn’t put makeup on today, and that’s saying something for a girl that once won a Little Miss Tennessee pageant at the state fair.

I throw the paper towel in the trash and walk over to Avery. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” she asks, but she doesn’t meet my eyes.

“You’ve been weird since shift started. Is it something with school?”

Avery shrugs. It’s usually something with school. She got a scholarship to nearby Southern Illinois University in Edwardsville, but her parents wanted her to go somewhere more prominent. Avery, always the rebel of her family, wanted to be out from under their thumb and make her own way.

As Avery describes it, they’re your typical wealthy family where appearances count every Friday night at the country club. She always wanted away from them to make her own decisions. When she told her father she was coming to Illinois for a full scholarship, he cut her off because it wasn’t Harvard, Stanford, or even Ole Miss. When she told her mother she was going to a school without an Omega chapter, she cut Avery off.

Her parents much prefer her older brother. Prescott sounds like he wears a cardigan tied around his neck and shined loafers. She’s always said he’s a kiss ass and likes to do things like count his allowance over and over and watch financial news shows. While she wanted to stream podcasts on romance books and punk bands, he chose hedge fund and market shows.

Guess which sibling her parents sided with.

If Avery is telling the truth, and I have no reason to doubt she is, her parents disapprove of every step she takes. That’s how Avery ended up with the job at Chili Shack and a full scholarship she desperately clings to. She’s responsible at school. Hell, she’s more responsible than I was during my short stint at the local junior college. I quit, and I’ve been floundering, ever since. By floundering, I mean I’m twenty-three and still live in my childhood bedroom at my parents’ house, have no degree, work at a chili place, and smoke more weed than I should.

“Not a school thing. It’s family.”

“What’d they do this time?” I ask, spooning myself a cup of vegetarian chili and waving the steam away. “Report your car stolen?”

“Not yet,” she laughs. “But only because I bought my Honda myself. Dad wanted to buy the BMW, but I knew he’d hold it over me or, you know, report it stolen.”

She takes her phone out of her standard Chili Shack apron and taps something before turning it to show me. “Mom texted and wants me to come home for Thanksgiving. It’s the first holiday they invited me home for since I left for school last year.”

Avery went home with me for Thanksgiving dinner last year during her freshman year. Even though she’s a few years younger than me, I couldn’t just leave her to the dorm food with the international students that don’t go home for the holidays. My mother would also kill me if I let a friend be alone for a major holiday. Sure, I was worried about what Avery would think of my very large and extremely loud family gathered around an old dining room table and then playing a game of touch football in the yard before ending the day with rousing games of Clue. But Avery smiled and laughed through it until even my dad, an old grouch if I ever saw one, liked her. She ate four slices of my mother’s pumpkin pie and asked for the recipe to the cranberry conserve.

“Are you going to go?” I ask, blowing on my food. “You can always come home with me again. Mom would love to host you. Regi’s bringing Craig, and Samantha’s bringing Cooper. We’ll have more people for football.” I get my fingers out and count. “Actually, we won’t. Cora’s staying in Seattle with Eric’s family, and Ava’s going to the Arctic Circle or some shit. See? We need you for touch football.”

She looks at her phone. “I feel like this could be the point when I work things out with them, you know? But I can’t go by myself, and Drew’s going home to New Mexico. We’ve only been together a couple months, and I don’t think he’d even go if I asked. It’s too soon.”

She sits on a nearby stool and takes her visor off, shaking out her dark hair. I cringe and eye the nearby chili pots. All we need is a bunch of hair in them and more pissed off customers. “Is there a friend you can go with? Someone else alone for the holidays? What happened to that girl from Dubai that is stuck on campus for holidays?”

Avery squints. “I adore her, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I nod, chewing the inside of my cheek and trying to focus on the problem at hand. It’s hard when you smoked up out back by the trash bins before your shift. “I guess I could come with you. That is, unless they’ll think we’re like together or something…” I trail off and smile at the thought of Avery’s conservative parents being horrified by the suggestion their daughter may be a lesbian. “But that could be fun, too. We could really play into that.”

“My parents would close the door in our faces, and then we’d be stuck in the middle of Tennessee.”

“How far are they from Nashville?” I ask, suddenly wondering if I’ll finally be able to go out in Nashville. I’ve heard it’s fun. Surely, Avery can find a fake ID so she can go with me.

“An hour. But my dad likes the quiet of being in the boonies and has seventy head of cattle.”

“Head of what?”

“Cows. You know…beef.”

“Your parents don’t strike me as farmers.”

“I’d classify them more as pretentious ranchers that just want to stick it to the vegans.”

I tap my foot on the floor and ponder the opportunity. I don’t get out much. My family never traveled because of the monetary problem of taking eleven people on vacation. Road trips were out due to bathroom logistics. I never even saw an airport until we dropped Cora off for her trip to Hawaii. This could be an opportunity to visit a new place. Be a tourist. Have a fun night out in Nashville. I could learn how to milk a steer or something.

“Is a steer a male or a female?” I ask, completely off topic. I don’t blink at the stupidity of my question. Avery’s used to me asking ridiculous questions when I’m high, so she doesn’t judge.

“Male.”

“Well, that leaves milking one out,” I mumble under my breath.

“Will you go with me?” Avery asks. She bounces on her toes a little and claps her hands quietly, a smile on her face. “It would solve the problem of going alone, and as long as you don’t tell them you’re a pescatarian and don’t smoke up in the house, you’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, Avery. I don’t even think weed is legal in Tennessee. I should stay in Illinois.”

“Can’t you not smoke up for a long weekend? Please!” she begs.

I tap my toe and look around the kitchen. I give the front of house a quick glance to make sure there isn’t a line out the door and think. Points for Nashville and trying something new. What do I have to lose? A couple of shifts here? There are worse things in life. I take a deep breath and pinch my nose. “My mother will be peeved I’m not at home for Thanksgiving, but I’ll come with you,” I say, holding up my hand. “Just don’t make me jerk off a steer.”

Podcast Guests Coming Soon

Now that 2 episodes of Sitting Here Reading Corn with Tori Ross are up and running on Spotify here, I thought I’d give you an idea of who I have coming on the show later this year. I’m super excited and almost completely booked for the entire year. Thank you to all the authors that agreed to be put on the spot and read their “corn.” This is not an exhaustive list since I have a few authors that don’t want to read their own corn and will have Chrissy, my old co-host from The Smutty Book Lady and Friends, read their work.

Happy reading!

Guest Blog by Janelle Parmer

In the spirit of guest blogs, Janelle Parmer kindly offered to write a guest post for me. Today’s post goes along with what Stephen King calls “murder your darlings” in writing. AKA- Don’t be afraid to delete what won’t work to the reader, even if the author loves it.

To catch her writing, check out her Amazon page on the book cover below.

Delete is Not Always a Bad Word by Janelle Parmer

Often times, us authors get so engrossed in our story that we may not realize we write ourselves into a corner. I have done this before myself and instead of deleting like I should have, I kept trying to make the stuff I wrote “fit in” with my story.

For example, in my first book, The Other Side of the Ledge, the first chapter had been written a very long time ago. I mostly write in chronological order of events, but in this book, I have chapters jump back and forth in between timelines. Once I was about halfway done with The Other Side of the Ledge, it felt the first chapter did not flow with the rest of the book anymore.

I tweaked it, deleted a few sentences, and replaced them with other non-sensical word choices in hopes of making it click with the rest of the book. Nope. It still did not work. I spent more time trying to “fix” my first chapter than I did writing multiple chapters combined. After pacing the floor a million times, and trying to come up with some fabulous idea to save chapter one, I finally came to the conclusion that I just needed to hit that dreaded “delete” button.

I had this ridiculous apprehension about deleting the entire chapter and starting over, but it ended up being a great decision and chapter one is actually one of my favorite chapters in the entire book. So my advice is, don’t think of the delete button as a bad word, sometimes it may just save your book, and your sanity, in the long run. 

About Janelle:

Janelle Parmer grew up in Southern California. She earned a paralegal certificate, a Bachelor of Arts degree in English, and an MBA. Janelle has spent most of her career working in private law firms and published her first book, The Other Side of the Ledge, in 2020. The Other Side of the Ledge won the bronze medal for Best Adult Fiction E-Book in the 2022 Independent Publisher Book Awards, and was a Finalist in the Women’s Fiction category of The Independent Author Network Book of the Year Awards. Janelle’s debut novel was also a Finalist in the Chick Lit Fiction Category of the 2021 Next Generation Indie Book Awards. Her second book, Chasing Calla Lilies, was released in 2021.

Janelle will donate a percentage of her annual book earnings to institutions that promote/provide mental health services and organizations that assist victims of bullying.

Vote for All I Wank for Christmas!

It has been brought to my attention that All I Wank for Christmas has been listed in the November 2023 Most Anticipated Romance Releases list on Goodreads.

If you’re a Goodreads user, head out there to give it an upvote here.

New Podcast Announcement

I’ve started a new podcast called Sitting Here, Reading Corn with Tori Ross. (Corn being the socially acceptable code for “porn” on social media.)

As it turns out, there is nothing socially acceptable about this podcast because it was rejected from Amazon podcasts for being too dirty.

No matter.

Links below or click on picture above to be taken to Spotify.

I’ve kicked this idea around for a few months, so this is what you’re going to get:

-No scripts. This is completely raw. We read smut and go off on tangents.

-We read segments of our work that are “spicy” and add commentary. What we were thinking? Could you really stick that there without an ER visit?

-Chrissy, my old co-host from The Smutty Book Lady and Friends, will be back for a few episodes!!! There are some episodes where we will be reading my friends’ work because they’re too shy to come on and read it themselves. Chrissy is done with school and has volunteered to help!

The first guest was Samantha Baca! It’s poetic justice since she was my last guest on The Smutty Book Lady and Friends. Other guests signed on already (in addition to Samantha to come back) are Kelly Kay, Christian Pan, Nova Flynn, Elle Berlin, Sionna Trenz, Tori Alvarez, and the “always welcome on my show” Evie Alexander. I’ve also already talked to erotica authors, and they have agreed to let Chrissy read their work since they don’t want to come on and read it themselves.

So…buckle up and send the minors out of the room!

Spotify- Click here

iHeart Radio – Click here

Podbean – Click here

Podchaser – Click here

Other channels coming soon. Google and Apple both take days or even weeks to approve.

The Caretaker is 99 Cents ALL MONTH!

Want to read the first thing I ever published?

I really wish I would have written this under a pen name, but it is what it is. It’s so filthy that my husband still randomly looks at me, laughs, and says, “I can’t believe Kyle March actually ate that popsicle.”

Get yours for 99 cents all May! It’s available on all major retailers AND Radish Fiction.

Apple Link: https://books.apple.com/us/book/x/id6442944103

Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/2940165867330

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1150410

Scribd: https://www.scribd.com/search?query=9781005203245&language=0

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Caretaker-Tori-Ross-ebook/dp/B09DLC56PM

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/Search?Query=9781005203245

(This should be in Kobo plus, if you read through there. However, many readers have reported glitches with Kobo Plus since it went to the US. I’m curious about this, so drop me an email at smuttybooklady@gmail.com or an Instagram DM if you have an issue.)

Happy Reading!

Guest Blog by S.V. Brosius

One thing I’ve loved doing a few times with other authors is guest blogging. It’s nice to write something on my mind and have them put it on their blogs or website. So, I decided to try something new and open my blog to other authors every now and then.

This guest blog is written by S.V. Brosius, and she discusses her joy of cooking and how it can enhance writing.

S.V. Brosius:

Food is powerful. It’s merely sustenance for some. A heavenly experience for others. An aphrodisiac. A guilty pleasure. A friend. It brings people together for parties and celebrations as decorated centerpieces or main meals of the day. The many hours spent creating a wedding cake is enough to elevate bakers to a superhero status. Or the pit masters who smoke and season their meats to perfection. 

Food also has the power to offend. The audacity of a sirloin steak touching mashed potatoes is enough to earn a wrinkled nose and “ew” exclamation from my daughter. No foods are allowed to touch on her plate. Or, the sad look of lettuce that has sat in the refrigerator too long, with wilted leaves and brown spots all over. Then, there are those times when you follow a recipe to the letter, but somehow it comes out of the oven a gooey mess and not like the pretty picture you see in the book.

I love creating stories and I love to create in the kitchen. I have written a few of my own recipes and plan to create a cookbook someday. Whether it’s baking apple pies from the Amish cookbook I have to making green beans the Julia Child way…I love serving delicious food as much as I love eating it.

I’ve had my share of epic fails, like the sad puddle of a pecan pie gone wrong or the extra salty baked chicken. Oops!

Do I incorporate food into my stories? Yep! In The Darkness of Day, there is an intimate little cooking lesson that results in…and the special dinner where he…well, you’ll have to read it to find out!

I recently read Head Over Heels in Hawaii and developed a sudden craving for coconut and pineapple! There’s nothing like fresh grilled pineapple alongside a juicy chicken breast. A pina colada would be the perfect piece de resistance for this fantasy tropical meal! Summer is almost here, so the grill is about to get some action.

You can find Darkness of the Day on Amazon by clicking here.

The Darkness of Day Blurb: Nothing extraordinary ever happened to Clarabella Moore…until the night a vampire came to her rescue. But Chasis was no ordinary vampire. A member of the Brotherhood of Sacred Light, Chasis has a duty to protect Clarabella. However, his infatuation awakens her to danger and a world of not only vampires, but other supernatural beings as well. Suddenly, Clarabella’s world is anything but dull.

But when a mysterious villain threatens to expose the Brotherhood’s most prized secret, Clarabella has no choice but to go along for the ride and experience the romance she has always wanted with the hero of her dreams.

A world where her sexual desires come to life and her faith is put to the test.