Tori Ross's Blog, page 15

The Swingyards

The Swingyards is now available on Inkitt, and you can read it here or click on the picture below. The first part, The Caretaker has been lingering on Amazon like a fart while I tried to figure out what I wanted to do with it to continue the story.

I really regret not writing this under a pen name because this is sheer porn. I’m not going to lie. People I’ve known in real life have found it, read it and immediately asked if I am a swinger. (I’m vanilla. I just write about some shit.)

Back story on The Caretaker- It started with porch drinking with two of my neighbors. As I said, I don’t swing, but my actual neighborhood is a swinger hotspot. (My neighbors get a tickle that I write these.) One of my neighbors said I should write a series about a neighborhood of swingers.

So I did.

I wrote The Caretaker (35k) words in 10 days this past July. Granted, my kids ate poptarts, and I had no idea what day it was during those 10 days, but it went live on Vella on launch day, where it did well. I got 2 launch bonuses from Amazon and was crowned as a favorite several times.

However, Vella cheesed me off with their lack of searchability, people not being able to read them on their actual kindles and a lack of any promotion of the platform. It also seemed to welcome established authors with open arms and eschew indie authors. I don’t know if you’ll have noticed, but I’m not Hugh Howey.

The Substitute, part 2 of The Swingyards, now has 3 episodes on Inkitt. You have to bypass The Caretaker first to get to it. I’ll be releasing an episode/chapter every few days through February. (Or at least once a week.)

Check it out and leave a comment, review or whatever you’d like to leave on the story. I’d love to hear from you, either here or on Inkitt.

Jensen City Heroes Book 3 Prologue

Ahhhh….my loyal blog subscribers. Only you will see this (unless someone randomly comes out to my blog.)

For your reading pleasure- I give you the prologue below. Ever wonder what the hell happened to Patty, Linus and Bennett at the end of Thirst?

Here you go… The prologue to Darkness…coming Jan 20, 2022. (Cover coming soon.)

Prologue

Random Hired Thug

“Which one is he?” I ask my partner, Cheecho, outside of Dr. Morris’s bedroom door. Moaning, grunting and the sound of a headboard rhythmically hitting the wall float out to the hallway where we stand in horrified silence. “I don’t know what he looks like.”

“What do you mean? It’s the guy fucking the lady in there,” Cheecho whispers back to me, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“No, asshole. You don’t understand,” I say as I stick my head back through the doorframe and bring it back as fast as I can. “There are two guys fucking that lady in there.”

It takes a moment for him to comprehend what I’m saying, and he smiles when it finally clicks. I don’t think Cheecho is the most intelligent hired thug in the world, but I think he understands the dynamics of a threesome. It would seem that our target not only has a woman in his bed, but another dude. “Lucky gal,” is all Cheecho says under his breath.

This job has sucked from the beginning. Some old guy found us in a bar and handed over a wad of cash. No details. No names. No info to go on to identify him nor anything about why he wanted this Dr. Morris guy. We just got an address and a time and date. I don’t see why anyone would want to kidnap him. According to the news, Dr. Morris is a genius that worked with some hot chick to get Jensen City out of the worst water crisis since it’s been a city.

Hell, I’m inclined to just leave the guy to his threesome. I’ve been enjoying longer showers and actual tap water the last few days, so I don’t see why I have to be the one to shoot a tranquilizer dart at the guy and drag him out to our van like he’s the title character of Weekend at Bernie’s. The guy’s having a threesome for fuck’s sake. I know I’d be pissed if I was getting off and got kidnapped right in the middle of it.

Money is money, though. We were paid a lot for this. I really don’t know Cheecho except that he’s dating my cousin and has a history just as questionable as my own. He has teardrops tattooed on his scarred face, and I really don’t know if I want to know how he got them, the scars or the tattoos. He’s missing a couple of bottom teeth and has a gold tooth for one of his two front teeth. That tells me he either has some experience in a fight or played hockey. I’m willing to bet it’s the former.

“How are we going to do this?” I ask, adjusting the black beanie hat on my head to cover more of my forehead.

“We’ll hit the guy closest to the door with the dart first because he’s the closest threat to us. Then, we hit the second guy.”

“What about the woman? We only have two tranquilizer darts. We weren’t exactly prepared for a porn movie going on in there. She’ll see us.”

Cheecho looks around the hallway like an answer is magically written on Dr. Morris’s wall or something. “He’s got a balcony, right? Does she look suicidal to you?”

I look at him, annoyed. “I can’t really tell with some guy’s dick in her mouth, but she sure is moaning like she’s not offing herself any time soon.”

“I was being sarcastic, moron. We’re going to drop her off the balcony.”

“No fucking way, man! She’s an innocent person caught up in this, and we were hired to kidnap a dude. I didn’t sign up to kill some bitch because she’s getting spit roasted at a bad time.”

“What do you want to do with her, Einstein?”

I look around the hallway like I’m looking for an answer on his hallway walls now, too. What do we do with the woman? Hell, what do we do with the other guy? Oh, shit.

“Fuck! I just thought of something,” I say, and the look of horror on my face must be contagious because Cheecho grimaces. “Which guy is Dr. Morris?”

Cheecho’s eyes widen. Neither of us were given a picture of Dr. Morris. We were just told to kidnap the guy at this address and bring him to another address. I have no idea which guy is which in there.

I stand with my back against the wall trying to remember what Dr. Morris looked like from the news. The water power woman talked to the press. He hasn’t. I can’t remember what he looks like from the press video at the reservoir. A guy like me doesn’t exactly sit around looking at everyone who appears on the news so that I can remember them later. Hell, I noticed the hot woman, but I don’t go around looking at guys.

“Shit,” Cheecho utters. “Here’s what we’ll do. We’ll knock them both out and then knock out the bitch with the butt of the tranquilizer gun. You do that. Hit her hard enough to knock her the fuck out long enough for us to get both the guys out.”

“Why do I have to do it?”

“You’re the one that wants to save her life, hero. You can knock her the fuck out or I can drop her off the balcony. Your choice.”

“What are we going to say to the boss when we have two guys instead of just Dr. Morris?”

“That’s his fucking problem for not giving us a picture to work with. We’ll deliver Dr. Morris as promised and get our other half of the money.”

Looking around the doorframe again, I notice we have another problem. “Have you seen these guys?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look!” I whisper and point to the bedroom. “They don’t exactly look like they couch surf and eat candy bars all day.”

Cheecho peeks around the frame and brings his head back quickly, trying not to be noticed. Something tells me that he needn’t bother. We could set off a bomb, and they wouldn’t notice it. The threesome is focused on what’s going on in there and has no idea there are two kidnappers in the hallway trying to figure out how to handle busting up a menage.

Cheecho blows out a deep breath because I know he saw what I saw when I first looked around the frame. I could only see the guy closest to the door from the back. However, I saw enough. He has a bare ass that looks like it was chiseled from concrete and muscular thighs the woman grips and rubs. I can’t see her face, but it’s obvious that she has his dick in her mouth, moaning around it. His hair is curly and neither short nor long, and his back muscles indicate he lifts. He also has full-sleeve arm tattoos and looks like he’s halfway between six and seven feet tall. I’m not looking forward to tangling with him if we miss with the tranquilizer dart.

The other guy is just as naked and just as fit. The guy with dark, wavy hair has a little stubble on his face and pecs you could use to cut diamonds. As the woman sucks his friend’s dick, this guy fucks the woman from behind, causing her to moan the name Linus as his hips slam into her ass.

But who’s Linus? Is Dr. Morris the same person as Linus? Dammit, if she could moan “Dr. Morris” we may be able to pin it down better.

“Alright, let’s just get this over with and make this up as we go along,” Cheecho says, getting into position to jump around the doorframe and hit the guy closest to us with a tranquilizer. “On three.”

Cheecho holds up his fingers and counts down. When his third finger goes up, we both jump around the corner without the group on the bed even noticing. It isn’t until Cheecho shoots his tranquilizer dart into the big guy closest to the door that the other guy notices us. Cocking his head to the side and squinting, the guy only has a second to realize someone else is standing in his bedroom before my tranquilizer hits him in the forearm.

As soon as it hits his forearm, he starts to get out of the bed. He tries, but his eyes glass over a second later, and he slumps on the woman on the bed who is now looking around at the guys like she’s not sure what happened.

In fact, she’s so confused that she doesn’t even look at us at first. She simply shakes the big guy like he fell asleep and looks back at the other guy, confused as to why he passed out on her ass. Eventually, she sees the dart sticking out of the big guy’s arm and tentatively reaches out like she’s unsure what it is that’s sticking out of his skin.

It’s only when we take a few more steps into the room that she sees us and lets out a blood-curdling scream. Rushing over to her, I slam the butt of my tranquilizer gun into the side of her face, but she stays awake, putting her hand up to her cheek like she doesn’t understand. Hell, I almost feel sorry for her as I bring the butt of the tranquilizer gun down again, this time on the back of her head.

That does the trick, and she slumps over the side of the bed with a grunt. Cheecho is already moving the guys into a different position on the bed and standing over them like he’s not sure what to do with them now that they’re out for the count.

“How long do think we have for the tranquilizers?” I ask.

“They are pretty high dose, but about an hour max. Maybe less for the big guy. We should probably move him first. I didn’t expect a fucking giant. We also need to hurry in case the bitch wakes up. I’m not hitting her with the tranquilizer gun, so the bitch better hope she stays out for more than a few minutes.”

“Alright. Let’s get a move on. Let’s take the big guy out first. What are we going to do about clothes?”

“I don’t have time to play dress up. Look for their underwear. We’ll put them in their underwear and shuffle them out the service elevator. The van is right by the door. It should be fine.”

I hastily look around the floor to find some underwear. I find the woman’s lacy black thong on the floor but can’t locate any male underwear. Cheecho has better luck. “Here’s a black pair. Throw this on the big guy,” he directs as he throws the pair of boxer briefs at my face.

“Gross, dude. Don’t throw his underwear at my face.”

I start to pull the underwear over the big guy’s legs, sliding it up quickly. I don’t even check to see if I get it on backwards or correctly in the dim light. I hear Cheecho mutter something about finding another pair on the floor, and he starts to put that underwear on the other guy.

As soon as they’re both covered with underwear, Cheecho comes to my side, and we both grab an arm of the big guy. Lifting him off of the bed, he grunts, causing us to freeze in fear that he’s waking up. We look at each other with wide eyes and give the big guy a moment to see if he’s waking up.

“Fucking hurry,” Cheecho whispers as we lift the guy off of the bed and begin to drag him out of the room.

He’s heavy as fuck, and we struggle to drag him down the hall and out of the apartment. Cheecho falls in the kitchen before we even reach the door, and I almost drop the big guy face-first into the kitchen counter. It probably looks like a comedy of errors since the guy we’re dragging out is taller than me by a few inches and taller than Cheecho by about a foot.

Cheecho eventually regains his footing, and we head out of the apartment, looking both ways as we walk into the public hallway and head for the service elevator. It’s the middle of the night, so we don’t have to contend with any nosy neighbors. Thankfully, there are only three other apartments on his floor, and none of them are particularly interested in what’s happening. It makes me wonder how often Dr. Morris makes a woman scream in his bedroom. Moaning and screaming may just be business as usual in this guy’s apartment.

We get the big guy down the service elevator and hoist him into the van. It doesn’t have any windows, and it’s a rusty older model. We quickly duct tape the big guys’ hands and mouth, just in case he wakes up, and we put a potato sack over his head for good measure.

After we get the big guy loaded, we quietly head back up for the other guy and cross our fingers he and the woman are still out for the count. Luckily, both are still unconscious when we trapse back into the bedroom to repeat the process with the other guy. Before we leave with the other guy, we look through everyone’s pants pockets and take phones, wallets and anything else of use we can find. We find the woman’s purse and rifle through her wallet, taking the money and credit cards belonging to a woman named Patty Lowell. Guilt punches me in the stomach. She’s a pretty woman and didn’t deserve this. Seeing her name printed on the cards and pocketing her cash feels more violating than hitting her in the face. It makes her real.

“Come on! Let’s get the fuck out of here and drop these guys at the rendezvous point before they wake up,” Cheecho whispers to me as he wipes down anything we may have touched, making sure there are no prints left behind.

We turn the lock on the door before we leave just in case someone else tries to come over to Dr. Morris’s apartment at this hour. Hell, he may have arranged for a full-on orgy. Closing the door, we casually walk to the service elevator and out to the van, ready to deliver our cargo to the boss and get the rest of the cash we deserve.

What I’m Reading and Doing- November Edition

Thirst is up and rolling. Thank you everyone for making my second release in as many months an awesome month! If you haven’t read it, grab it here. Please leave a review on Amazon or on my Goodreads page here when you are done! I’d love to hear your honest thoughts. As I said in my last blog, this is literally my favorite thing I’ve ever written, and I still have a writing hangover from Remi and Zeke, so much so that it took me 6 weeks to get into book 3’s couple. You do not need to read Arson to understand Thirst. I think you can catch up. However, Arson is permanently 99 cents!

Book Three is jussssstttt about done. BTW- Book three is Bennett’s story. I have a few more chapters to write. Then, I have to do something I call “punch ups” to it where I go back and add more details so it’s not a “blank room” experience. I do a read through to make sure I don’t have any plot mistakes. I’ll then get it edited, format it and load it in to Amazon for a January release. (Probably late January with ARCs available for my ARC team in early January or late December.)

This has taken a little more time than Thirst because Darkness (book 3’s title) is very dark. (That’s not really why it’s named Darkness, though.) I wrote a scene the other day that made me cry literally all day, and then cry off and on as I tweaked it even more over the last few days. I didn’t cry because I did something really bad to a character, I cried because what I wrote hurts my favorite character so deeply. It was a very weird experience hurting that person so badly.

People are going to either understand that this had to happen for the plot in book 4 (final book) or ya’ll are going to hate me and throw the book across the room. I am well aware that’s the case, and I accept your wrath. Just know that it put me into a mild depression to write it.

Stay tuned for the Book 3 prologue to learn a little more about what happened with Bennett, Patty and Linus in Linus’s apartment after Archie and Darby’s wedding. It will only be on this blog soon.

Unfortunately, since we are getting deep into the plot by book 3, you really do need to at least read Thirst to understand what’s going on in Darkness.

What else?

Arson was the Sunday Snippet on That’s What I’m Talking About Blog! Check it out here. A big thanks to Jen at twimom227.com for including me!

I’ve also been hard at work continuing The Swingyards over on Inkitt. I have Part 2, The Substitute, just about done. The Caretaker, part 1, starts rolling out 11/29 when it comes off of KU. Part 2 will start rolling out (I have them scheduled in the system) by the end of December. Watch my social media for info on when Part 2 is up if you’ve read part 1.

What did I read in November from the Indie World?

I don’t give out spoilers in my “what I read” section.

Book– Cyok

Author– Holly Hanzo

First off, an apology. I read this last month and spaced on putting it in my “what I read” blog for last month. Sorry, Holly. It was not at all intentional. This is fun book that takes us out of the world for a few hours. I called it alien sex candy on my Instagram page when I posted about it.

Grab this book if you like alien romance. (AKA Ice Planet Barbarians.) This is first in a series. She has a Christmas book that goes along with it…just sayin’.

Book– The Ruins

Author– Torri Heat

This book is a fun book about a demon, also known as a “watcher” of dreams, that finds out a woman can see him in her dreams. They meet up. There’s some steam. Shenanigans ensue.

There is a lot of action here (3 fight scenes in a book just over 100 pages) as well as about 3 sex scenes. So, if you like books with non-stop action and sex, check it out. She’ll also be on The Smutty Book Lady and Friends as my December guest! I can’t wait to talk dark/paranormal romance with her!

Book – The Layover

Author: Joseph Hagen

This author is not my usual pick and he’s not a romance writer, but he’s in my new writing group that I adore, and I wanted to try to read some of the other members’ writings. He’s also the only other person in my writing group that I’ve met that has books out, besides me. So, I’ve been reading his work. (Insert plug for joining an in-person writing group. I love talking to other writers face-to-face instead of on social media. It’s honestly become my favorite night of the week.) Anyway, this is a short about strangers caught in an airport on a layover. He has some other stuff out that I plan on reading, and I’ll be reading that over the next few months.

Book– Hearts Unmasked

Author– Janine O’Neil

This author excels at detail to the point that I’m kind of jealous. She did such a great job explaining the surroundings, the characters and even the superhero outfits. This is a little over 100 pages and just a lot of fun if you like superhero romance. As a podcaster, there are a few books that I read and I’m like, “I want this author on my show.” Janine is one of them. I want to have a conversation about superhero romance on my show SO BAD because not many people want to talk to me about it! I contacted her, and she accepted. Look for her on The Smutty Book Lady and Friends podcast in January!

Comment below if you’ve read any of the above books! I’d love to hear from you.

Thirst is Now Available!

Thirst is now available on Kindle and KU. You can also get a print copy on print-on-demand from Amazon. However, please note that print times are running a bit slower these days. Click here for a copy, and be sure to leave me a review! Also, if you haven’t read Arson yet, grab it for only $0.99 here. (It is not necessary to read Arson first.)

Stay tuned for the prologue to book 3….coming soon ONLY on this blog.

What I’m Up To and What I’ve Been Reading

First, thank you so much to those of you that left reviews on Amazon for Arson. I really appreciate it! If you’ve read Arson and haven’t left an honest review yet, click here to leave me a review. It doesn’t have to be long. Heck, they let you just give it a star rating, but ratings and reviews help authors immensely. Not only do they help us write better stories, but they also help our sales on Amazon. So, thank you.

Jensen City Book 2 (Thirst) hits on 11/11/21, and I am ready for it. I really love Thirst, and I hope you will, too! It’s my favorite thing I’ve written so far, and it flew onto the page. If you’re a blogger and would like an ARC, click here.

Book 3 is my current WIP, but I am struggling with it. I fell in absolute love with Remi and Zeke’s relationship in Thirst so much that I’m having a hard time relating to my main characters in the third book. I think this is one of the downsides of rapid write/release. I still talk to Zeke and Remi in my head. The main characters in book 3 have very different personalities. Also, a certain chemistry professor keeps popping into my head, and I’m like, “Simmer down, dude. Your story is last.”

Instead of my usual 4k words a day, I’ve been plugging along at 1k words a day that I have to force. I signed up for NaNoWriMo in November and hope to crank it up at that time. I’m taking the last week of October to meditate on my characters for the third book, and I hope that works so that I can get into their heads.

Look for book 3 in late January/early February. However, look for its prologue here on my blog in the next month. The prologue is super fun and explains a little of what happens in the epilogue at the end of Thirst that we don’t see.

Coming Soon!

-My Kindle Unlimited contract for The Caretaker (which is the first part of The Swingyards) will expire 11/28. As of 11/29, The Swingyards will be on Inkitt, and I’ll continue the story there. The first few episodes will be The Caretaker. Season 2 of the story will be up in December and will FINALLY show us what Barb Watson is getting up to now that Bill left town after spitroasting Eryl with Kyle. Watch my social media and blog to get the next part of the story. The Caretaker will stay on Kindle for 99 cents or on paperback for a limited time. However, Inkitt is free!!

-I’ve taken a break from podcasting to write and release. My co-host, Chrissy, also had a huge life change happen and hasn’t been able to join me. I start podcasting again in November with Evie Alexander as my guest on The Smutty Book Lady and Friends. Look for that link around 11/7 on my blog or subscribe to the podcast on Spotify here.

Books I’ve Read Lately and Loved!!

So what have I read lately from the Indie world? (I don’t give any plot points away in my reviews.)

Author: Garry Michael

Published: 08/22/21

I mentioned Garry’s Break Point the last time that I wrote a “What I read” blog. I enjoyed that book so much that I picked up his sophomore effort and read through it in about a day and a half.

There’s a lot of angst and heavy issues in this book, but it was such a powerful romance between the mains. I continue to enjoy his work and hope he never stops writing. Pick it up on Kindle or Kindle Unlimited!

Author: Addison Laine

Published: May 27, 2021

Addison Laine is a new-to-me author, and there’s not much chatter about this on Goodreads or Amazon.

Story on this. I woke up at about 4 am because I couldn’t sleep and had already read 10 percent of this book. I finished the entire book between 4 am and when I had to get my kids to school at 9 am. It sucked me in after the initial character and world building introductions.

This book was a fun find, and I loved the characters of Wren and Eden. I liked how Eden didn’t take any of his shit and Wren was such an alpharoll by the end. If you read my blog, you know that I like cozy mysteries in addition to romance books. This book had elements of mystery, suspense, thriller etc. wrapped up in romance. I’ll definitely be picking up the sequel because Wren’s brother, Hunter, comes across as sexy AF in this book. Although, I really want Ash’s story since Ash’s backstory is just heart-breaking.

What I plan on reading from the Indie World in November:

Drop a comment below and let me know what you’re reading. If you’ve read any of the above, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

All Things Jensen City Book Two!

Book 2 of Jensen City Heroes.

Release Date: 11/11/21 Preorder available! Click on picture of cover below to be taken to a pre-order link. Or click here.

Ya’ll, I can’t wait for you to get to know Remi better!!! Don’t get me wrong, Arson will always be my first book baby, but this book…this book is my Empire Strikes Back effort of the series. I hope you’ll love her as much as I love her.

And damn, did I fall in love with that man of hers along the way.

Blurb:

Zeke Lightfoot is the new Jensen City fire chief and a damn good one. He may be young for a fire chief, but he’s a good leader and is always in charge. The only exception is that he likes to be dominated by beautiful women in his off time.

One night, he goes to a secret club known only to the city elite by invitation only. While there, he’s humiliated and punished in the best possible way. The woman he meets there, his new dom, is gorgeous and mysterious. Who is the woman behind the mask she uses to keep her identity a secret?

Remi Young has a boring day job but an exciting and secret night gig. She’s also having a rough time since falling into a puddle while helping her friends. With her new ability to control water haunting most of her thoughts, Remi welcomes the distraction of a new sub at her night job. He’s gorgeous and everything she wants in a partner outside of work. Unfortunately, he’s off-limits per the club rules.

When Remi walks into her friends’ engagement party and sees her new sub sitting with her best friend’s fiancé, sparks fly. Should she tell her secrets to Zeke? Would it be more of a shock to her new sub if she tells him that she can move water at her whim or that she’s the secret sub that’s infiltrated his dreams?

Cover:

Chapter 1!- Only available on this blog post. Shhhhhh. (There is a prologue, but it basically catches you up on what happened in Arson from Remi’s POV.)

Chapter One

Zeke

“What are you into?” the woman at the cash register asks.

The amusing fact that there’s even a cash register at a secret sex club isn’t lost on me. It’s not like I’m buying a garden hose or tacos since I’m buying sex. Do I get a receipt? I inwardly chuckle to myself while I appreciate the beautiful blond woman’s ample breasts protruding out of her tank top.

“What’s on the menu? I’m a first-timer.”

“Ah. A club virgin. Well, we have your standard pay to play. We have an offering for a threesome that’s pretty popular with men of your status,” she says while ticking each item off on a finger. “We have quickie blowjobs for the no-fuss man on the go, we have a dom on-site and we have a massage with happy ending offering.”

“I’m sorry. Can you back up to the dom offering?”

The woman smiles a toothy grin, and I notice a gap between her teeth. She winks at me and wiggles her shoulders as if she knows exactly what kind of rough kinky shit I like.

She wouldn’t be wrong. It’s my dark secret. I love being dominated. Maybe it’s unmasculine because women have looked at me as if they feel sorry for me. For this reason, I don’t tell just anyone. OK, I tell the hookers, but only because I have to tell them so they can fuck me the way I like.

I’m not proud of it. By it, I mean the hookers. However, when I’ve told past girlfriends what I wanted in bed, they ran for the hills as soon as I asked them to flog me while pulling my hair. I’d love to experiment within the confines of a loving relationship, but it never ends well when I tell them. If you think finding a vanilla relationship is hard, try having a kink. Most women want me to dominate them. I comply to give them what they physically need, and I have no problem playing switch. However, when it’s my turn, I get squeamish looks and judgmental goodbyes. Hence, the hookers.

That’s how I ended up here. I’m the fire chief of Jensen City and the youngest person to hold that honor at the age of thirty-six. I now have powerful friends in government that include aldermen, the heads of the city utilities, the chief of police and the mayor.

Even so, it was a surprise to get an anonymous letter at the admin building last week. It was the kind of invitation that looks like a serial killer made it. It didn’t have a signed name or return address, and it was fashioned with block letters. The only information on it was the address and directions to go to the bar and give the password to the bartender. The envelope only said that the information in the envelope is confidential. Apparently, this is where the men of Jensen City’s elite get their dicks sucked and get anything else they desire.

“How much for the dom and what are the rules?”

“Five hundred,” she says, and a whistle escapes my lips. “She’s a damn good dom. I’ve never given a refund and most come back.”

“Does she finish the job, or does she just get me going?” I ask and feel my cheeks redden.

“She always makes sure you finish, but it’s up to her what she allows. She doesn’t usually fuck or blow her clients. She’s in charge and runs a tight ship no matter how much you beg,” she says with a wink. “And you will beg.”

I reach into my pocket and give her the entire wad of bills I pulled from the ATM. I wasn’t expecting to spend five hundred dollars at the club and grimace at the thought of paying to be humiliated. However, if the dom is as good as she says, it should be worth it.

“Come with me,” she says after putting the cash in a drawer and writing the transaction into some type of ledger.

I follow behind her down a long hallway. You’d think this would be some sort of strip club vibe or feel, but it’s not. It’s a back area at the Jensen City Golf Club. I guess someone knows where their clientele frequents. The men can golf all day, have dinner, move to the bar and give the bartender the secret password. The men are then led to what normal society believes is a service hallway. It’s a service hallway alright.

The woman leads me to a room with dim lighting like a massage parlor. She hands me a soft, white robe and stares at me without blinking for a few moments. I’m unsure if she wants me to get undressed in front of her or turn around, so I just stand there looking at her in confusion.

“What’s this for?” I ask, unsure why she’s just staring at me.

“It’s only if you want it to start. She’ll take it off. Most men just get naked or in their underwear, though. It’s your choice. We want you to feel comfortable.”

We stare at each other for a few seconds. “Uh, are you going to leave so that I can get undressed?”

“I can, but I have to come back to secure you to the wall,” she says, gesturing to a wall with adjustable restraint sliders built on a shelf-like structure.

“Never mind,” I say and unbuckle my jeans and slide them down.

The cold air hits me as I step out of my pants even though I keep my underwear on. I grab the hem of my t-shirt and pull it over my head, and the woman gives my chest and ab muscles an unprofessional smirk.

“Are you checking me out?” I ask.

“Sorry,” she says and clears her throat. “Most men that run the government of Jensen City aren’t so…healthy.”

“Where should I stand?” I ask, trying to break the spell of this woman looking at me like I’m a steak dinner.

“Go over to the restraint area and face the wall,” she says nodding again to the concrete wall that looks like it belongs in a real dungeon instead of a sex dungeon. “I’ll secure your arms.”

“I face the wall?”

“Yes. Mistress likes to make an entrance when you can’t see her. She likes to smell your unease,” she says, waggling her fingers and sounding like she’s a ghoul in a horror movie.

I trudge over to the wall, and the woman walks over and lifts my right arm. Using a leather cuff like you’d see in a horror film about an insane asylum, she buckles my wrist into the rack and makes sure it’s not too uncomfortable for me. She walks over to my other arm and does the same.

My arms are now suspended in the straps, and my nose is touching the grey cement block wall. My arms aren’t comfortable, but they’re not really supposed to be comfortable. I paid a lot of money to make sure this isn’t a day at a spa. Nerves cause my stomach to churn uneasily, and I start to regret that I stopped at Archie and Bennett’s station for burrito night before coming here.

“She’ll be in when she feels like it,” the woman says as she walks through the door and closes it gently.

I wait silently for about ten minutes as my arms just hang by the wall. I’m so bored looking at the cement wall, I can scream, but part of me wonders if this is part of the torture. I take deep breaths, but they don’t do anything to calm me. The deep breaths also make me smell the sterile air that smells like someone has bleached the room since the last client. At least the place is clean.

I start humming an old country tune from the nineties to myself to pass the time and wish I could turn my wrist to look at my watch. I can’t tell how much time passes and the silence is deafening. I even try to listen for activities in rooms nearby. I half-expect to hear moans from the blowjobs down the hall, but the rooms must be soundproofed. My stomach bunches even more, and I make a deal with myself that if she’s not in here in what I think is five more minutes, I’m going to yell to be unhooked and ask for a refund.

The door creaks open before I can call to get out of my restraints. I’m facing forward and cant’s see anything, but I hear a soft female gasp as the dom comes into the room. The click-clack of her heels stops suddenly. I don’t know why she gasps, but I flex my ass cheeks in the hopes that she just likes the view of my naked back. I regret not taking my underwear off for her to see my naked ass.

After a few seconds, a whisper that sounds like honey escapes her lips. “Are you comfortable to start?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I answer. I know to be respectful.

“I like your respect, and you will refer to me as mistress from now on.”

“Yes, mistress.”

“Before I start, do you have any limits, injuries or fears I should know?”

“No, mistress.”

“What is your safe word if I go too far?”

Oh shit. What the hell do I use as my safe word? Why can’t I think of any words? Quick, I need to think of something I’ll remember in the heat of the moment!

“Uh, cream pie,” I say and cringe. Really? Why the hell did Bennett’s favorite phrase just come out of my mouth?

I swear that I hear the woman stifle a chuckle, but she regains her composure and disguises the laugh with a cough. I don’t know why, but the sound of that chuckle soothes me, and I instantly want to please her.

“Cream pie it is,” she replies, and I hear the smile in her voice. That makes me smile even though my nose is pressed against the wall.

“Is this your first time being dominated?” she asks.

“Professionally, yes. Privately, no. I’ll need a lot of instruction, mistress.”

I feel her approach my back. Pressing against me, she wraps her arms around my waist. I feel leather at my back as if she’s wearing it. I get a hint of lavender, but it soon passes out of my mind as she grabs a hunk of my hair and pulls my head back to get close to my ear. My cock instantly becomes erect at the feel of her controlling my head.

“You are in my service. You relinquish all control of your body for my pleasure. In return, you will trust that I will give you your own pleasure. Do you understand?”

“Yes, mistress,” I whisper, and she releases my hair.

Behind me, she pulls my underwear down so that I’m naked in front of her. I hear her hiss, and she drags her fingers across my ass.

“Such a tight little ass,” she says in a playful voice and spanks it lightly, the sound of her hand meeting my flesh echoing through the room. “It’s mine now, and I can’t wait to have fun with it.”

She leaves the back of me, and I immediately miss her body on mine. I feel my entire body tighten in anticipation of what she’s going to do to me first. I hear a drawer open from somewhere across the room, and she turns on a lamp that casts a small glow. She turns off the main overhead light, and we’re left with dim light like a romantic restaurant would have.

Without any warning or words of instruction, I feel a leather item slap against my buttocks causing me to grunt. “Shit!” I grunt to the wall in front of me as only the restraints keep me from hitting it with my face.

That spank was hard, but it was also blissful. The sharp pain on my ass cheeks moves to my balls as they tighten in anticipation of more spanking.

“Mmm,” she purrs behind me. “I love the way your ass reddens for me.”

She plants another spank on my ass, and I now recognize that feeling as a leather riding crop. Before I can recover from that blow, another blow lands across the back of my thighs, and I moan with the sheer perfection of it. Fuck, this is exactly what I wanted. The fact that I can’t see what she’s doing and don’t know what to expect or when to expect it makes this hotter than I could ever imagine.

Over the next few minutes, she relentlessly spanks me with the riding crop and periodically uses a salve to massage the pain from my ass cheeks and the back of my thighs. The cream instantly cools the heat coursing up and down my legs, and I feel like ramming my dick into the cement wall because I’m so aroused. It’s torture not being able to touch myself. Her hands on my back or thighs as she massages the pain away are exquisite.   

I don’t have to wait long for more torture. She puts the salve on the back of my thighs and then reaches around to my dick. She smooths the cooling lotion up and down my shaft and jerks me a few times to tease me as the cool tingling shoots straight thru my balls and all the way up to my neck. I throw my head back and hiss at her touch. “Yes, mistress. Fuck, yes.”

“Your pleasure makes me happy,” she whispers. “Let’s see how you do with more pain, though, shall we?”

Her perfect grip on my cock releases, and I hear a whimper escape my throat. I miss her touch and twist my arms in the restraints in a fruitless effort to touch my own dick. An odd mixture of frustration and pleasure twists in my stomach as I hear her open the drawer again.

I hear her high heels stalk over to me, and I feel an immediate pain flood my back as a flogger with several extensions, or tentacles, lashes across my back. I arch my back as the pain rockets through my body, and I cry out for her. The cry could be taken by most people as a request to stop. For me, it’s a request to keep going. I can’t form words right now.

She whips me again and again across my back until I’m panting and whimpering like a small child. She comes over, yet again, to apply the salve to my back, and I smile as she works the peppermint-smelling lotion into my skin. I’m enjoying the sensation so much, that I barely notice she’s unhooking my hands.

My hands come clear of the restraints, but I stand against the wall until I’m told what to do. “Turn to face your mistress,” she demands in a murmur as I rub my wrists.

I slowly turn to her, unsure of what I’ll see. I halfway expect a massive woman taller than Bennett with a square jaw holding a whip. What I see surprises me, though, because I have to look down to look into her face.

In front of me, is a woman of average height. That’s all I can really see of her, though. Her eyes under her mask are so rimmed with eyeliner, I am unsure how to describe them except to notice that they’re brown. She’s wearing all leather, including a leather corset, that pushes her breasts up. Given that it’s probably some kind of special design bra technology, I don’t think I could even guess at her cup size.

She wears bright red lipstick on full lips, but there’s nothing unusual about their shape. She’s also wearing thigh-high leather boots with high heels. I couldn’t even guess at her shoe size. She’s everything you’d imagine a dominatrix in an identity-hiding mask to be.

She sees me taking in her body as I look up and down her length. “You will avert your eyes from your mistress until you’re told to admire me.”

“Yes, mistress,” I reply and look to the floor and the tips of her boots.

She reaches down to my cock and jerks me a few times, and I feel the tingling on my dick again. The feeling causes me to smile, and I see her cock her face to the side as if studying my smile.

“Enough of this. Sit on the bench over in the corner,” she instructs and points to a bench to sit on with a bar to lean over.

I walk to the bench to sit on the hard metal, and I lean forward over the bar so that my back is fully exposed to whatever she wants to do to it.

“There are several other fun ways to play with you, as I’m sure you know. However, I need to gauge how much you can take and experiment with you before I completely own every single inch of your body. Do you understand?”

“Yes, mistress,” I reply.

I hear her flick a lighter, and trepidation causes me to wince. I’ve never done anything with fire before. As a fireman, I have a healthy respect for fire and have never thought to use it for sexual pleasure. I needn’t worry though. It’s not the fire or flame I need to worry about.

I feel heat drip onto my back and realize that she’s dripping hot wax from a candle or other item that melts onto my back. “Oh, fuck yes, mistress,” I cry out even though I haven’t been told to speak.

“Your mistress wishes for you to please yourself as I test your pain tolerance.”

She doesn’t need to tell me twice. I reach down to my cock and start jerking myself off while wax relentlessly falls on my back. The pain is cooking the skin on my back, but I’m reasonably sure there won’t be any scars or marks left after initial redness. I can even feel the wax running down to the crack of my ass before cooling and drying. When a drop reaches my asshole before cooling, I clench my ass cheeks in appreciation of the pain.

“Moan for me when you come. Tell your mistress what you like.”

The words come out of me in a whimper before I can even think. “Mistress, let me please you. Let me eat your pussy.”

She’s silent for a second and then lashes me with the flogger straight across my back. “I didn’t give you permission to ask to taste me. Speak only when you are spoken to.”

She flogs me several more times and then continues with the melted wax. I keep pumping my cock in my fist as the wax continues to drip into the crack of my ass. However, cleaning that up later is the furthest thing from my mind even as she aims the wax more toward my ass. Some of it drips all the way to my balls.

I’m the worst submissive ever as I rock against the bar at my chest and pump my cock into my fist. I’m moaning for myself, and my balls tighten with my load. Heat surrounds my entire dick area, and I can still feel the tingling of the lotion she used on my cock. However, I know enough not to come until she gives me permission.

She must read my mind. “Do not come until your mistress tells you to come,” she demands, grasping my hair and pulling my head back.

“Yes, mistress,” I whisper and back off my ministrations so that I won’t come as fast.

She makes me wait for ten minutes of relentless heat on my back alternating with massage. At least, I think it’s ten minutes. I’m rocking on the bar at my chest the entire time, and she whips, flogs and waxes me the entire time until I can only moan.

Finally, she dips her mouth near my ear and tells me the sweetest words I’ve ever heard. “Come for me. Come for your mistress, now.”

Her words push me over the edge and the tension in my stomach vibrates as the familiar ball clenching blurs my vision. I jack myself faster and push myself over the edge while I imagine tasting her pussy. It’s all I can think about, and I wonder if it would taste like the peppermint salve since that’s the smell stuck in my nose.

Come drips from my cock as tears well in my eyes from the exquisite pain that sears up and down my body as I come for her. She grabs the back of my head and flogs me lightly during my orgasm in encouragement.  Her face is still next to my ear, and I expect her to whisper something tawdry to me. I’m waiting for her words with anticipation when she simply presses a small, warm kiss to my ear lobe. It’s such a small move, but it makes me want to bend her over the table and fuck her until she feels this good.

“You’ve pleased your mistress today,” she whispers next to my ear and releases my hair, causing me to grunt. “If you return, we’ll push further, and you’ll please me again.”

“Yes, mistress,” I say with a strangled voice as she sashays from the room. Her hips sway seductively, and she still holds the flogger in her hand as she walks out the door without a backward glance.

Signed Book Giveaway!

Now that Arson is live on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited, I’m giving away TWO signed copies of Arson.

How do you enter?

Subscribe to my blog by Oct 4. All blog subscribers are automatically entered.

Rules!! – Must be in the domestic US. Books will be shipped media mail. You will be notified via email if you win.

Don’t worry other country friends. I’ll be giving away an ebook soon, too!

I only blog a handful of times a month, (about 2x a month here lately)usually just to give an update on other amazing books I’m reading and what I’m getting done work-wise. Don’t worry. You won’t be inundated with a bunch of posts.

Doings 9/21

WIP updates and what I’m up to.

Jensen City Heroes! –Arson comes out in less than two weeks, but I haven’t had much time to think about it because I’m DEEP into Book 2.

Basically, you won’t have long to wait at all for Book 2 of Jensen City Heroes. I’m thinking late November/early December, but that’s dependent on me getting it done in mid-October vs late October. I’m about 70% done. Either way, it’s coming.

I can hear a lot of people out there, “Why, Tori, are you not all over social media promoting Arson?”

I’ve meditated and researched this until it’s like beating a dead horse. Know what I’ve learned from seasoned authors and experts waaaayyyy smarter than me?

I’m better off writing my next book and getting some stuff queued up for Inkitt later this year than sitting around on social media in the time I am not working my day job or playing Uber mom. In fact, I’ve tried to back off of social media and am seriously considering deleting a couple of accounts. (I’m looking at you, Twitter. I’m sure all of my 39 followers would be very upset.)

Sure, I post a few things a week on Instagram (my preferred platform) to promote my work or someone else’s work. Yes, it’s been a great way to get ARC readers to read and review on release day. I’ve made some great connections over there.

However, constant self-promotion makes me want to douche.

I’ve thought about it and will let my ARCs do what they’re going to do at this point. I’m going to give you book 2 soon. Book 3 is already in outline. I have had so much more time to sit down and WRITE. Having more books out in a series will help me do price promotions on the first books to help bring visibility.

Ya’ll, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not JK Rowling. My first book doesn’t need to sell so well in release week that I quit my day job and don’t have to worry about retirement. I feel like this is a marathon, not a sprint, and I really admire a lot of authors that post every so often and interact with people when they schedule actual social media time. They have great control, and I need to be better about it.

I have a story or two in me that I’m putting out into the universe. At this point, I’m at peace, and I hand Arson over to the universe. I hope you all enjoy it. You may not, but I’m also at peace with that.

The Caretaker/Swingyards Series

This fucking thing. The Caretaker, the first part of a series I’ve created called The Swingyards, is the bane of my existence because I have gone back and forth with what the hell I’m going to do with it. It was on Kindle Vella for the Kindle Vella launch. I have since put it on KU and Kindle for $0.99.

I emailed Amazon and asked them to take the Kindle Vella down. Their TOS state that the Vella has to stay up for 60 days after we request removal. I understood that when I sent the email. They emailed me back and said that because I haven’t had very many readers for the last month (partly because it’s now on KU) they would take it down in 72 hours.

It’s down now, but how bad do you have to suck to have Amazon bend their draconian TOS rules? I pretty much walked around like a failure for four days. I was so upset by it that I didn’t even tell my husband.

THEN, those fools over at Amazon emailed me today saying I got a bonus for the month of August. I went out to the forums thinking everyone must have got a pity bonus, but it wasn’t the case.

I give up trying to figure that algorithm out. Basically, they said I sucked so bad that I could get out of my contract. Then they gave me a bonus.

Anyway, The Caretaker will stay on KU until my KU contract is up in November. At that time, it will go on Inkitt as a story that will be continued with the next installment. It will be titled “The Swingyards” so that the story won’t be broken into books. I may also make a few tweaks. Stay tuned on that. I thought about continuing the story on Vella, but the platform has issues that need to be solved before I want to continue with it. For one, since it’s called “Kindle Vella” I will not use it again until I don’t have to explain to people that they can’t read it on their actual Kindles.

Why Inkitt? It’s erotica and Inkitt does pretty well with erotic content. (This also may be why Amazon let me out early. Maybe they don’t like erotica cluttering up their new toy.) It’s a German company, and I can probably get more visibility than being buried behind the Amazon mature content filter forever.

I really love this story. It’s a story about a neighborhood full of swingers with strong personalities. I think it will do the best in a serialized format, and I really want to keep working on it.

So, that’s my work in a nutshell this month. Author friends, feel free to comment below and link to what you’ve been working on.

What I Read in August

I usually read about 100 books a year, but have stalled out as I get Arson ready to be born into the world and also work on the sequel. I haven’t read as much as I usually do, especially for a summer month when I usually sit on the porch and read for hours. Sadly, any reading I do is for about ten minutes at night before passing out. The only exception to that is when I’m sitting in a parking lot waiting for piano lessons or karate to be done. But, here are my August reads. (Not all of them are romance.)

#1- My own book, Arson….425 times

Author: moi

Published: Sept. 28, 2021

I read a meme on Instagram that said, “Write what you want to read because you’re going to have to read it hundreds of times” or something like that. That isn’t a joke. Literally.

I spent most of August reading my own book. Formatting was a bear to the point that my ARC still has some line wrap errors. (Thankfully, the wraps and indents are all great in Kindle and print, so this is just in my ARC.) I finally just said to hell with it after going through my book line by line about 4 times looking at the indention formatting.

Then, I sent ARCs out, and someone found mistakes editing missed. (Thank you, Evie Alexander.) Editing always misses something. In fact, I just found something editing missed in a Jennifer McMahon book, and my book of the month books always have a couple of typos in the book. It happens, but I ended up going through the book again. This time, I used a highlighter on one of my proof copies from Amazon to save my eyes from going through the source file. AGAIN.

I read it in August. A LOT.

I also learned A LOT. For example, if I make enough money on this book, I’ll use a professional formatter next time. I’m a one woman band at this point.

#2- Break Point

Author : Garry Michael

Published: March 21, 2021

MM Romance

I’m so late to the cool kids table on this one. This came out in March, and I haven’t read it until now….something I feel extra shitty about since Garry Michael is notoriously one of the sweetest and most giving indie authors on Instagram. I almost feel like all of the other Instragram Indies are over there…

He’s the Betty White of Instagram, and you’re a shitty person if you don’t like him. So, I’ve been meaning to give his books a chance.

I’m about 6 months too late on this one since he already has a new release out called All the Cuts and Scars We Hide. I plan on picking that one up, too, because I really enjoyed this one. It’s a sweet romance surrounding tennis sensation Travis and his ex-boyfriend, Ash.

I loved the characters so much, and Garry did a wicked great job of making his characters feel and making us fall love in with them.

#3- The Vessel-

Author– Selena Moore

Published – August 26, 2021

Selena Moore’s newest release is a sci-fi/dystopian breeding novella with a few gangbangs and adult lactation scenes thrown in.

When I read Cum Inside, her erotic short, I sent her my review that said to pull more out of those sex scenes. (BTW- check that short for a sweet, sexy romance.)

Well, she pulled more out of the sex scenes.

I like it when authors push the envelope a bit. I get tired of the same old shit/different day. Selena took the envelope, threw it across the room frisbee style and then kicked out the front door.

There were a few scenes that weren’t for me, and this erotica won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Oddly, the scenes not for me were mostly because I don’t understand the science of the year 5000-something. I’m a science nerd, though, and would have loved to hear more about the technology of the time.

For example, when Marcus gives her a pregnancy blood test the night after a gang bang…that’s some hella science, because it usually takes at least 10 days for your body to make enough hormones to show a pregnancy. But, I pushed it aside because they didn’t even have the capability to pee on a stick 100 years ago, so the year 5000 may have the good shit.

If you want to try something new and aren’t a pearl clutcher, check it out!

#4- The Heart Principle

Author: Helen Hoang

Published: August 31, 2021 (I got this at the beginning of the month because it was a BOTM selection.)

If you’ve read The Kiss Quotient and The Bride Test, this is book 3 in the series. It follows Quan, whom you should already love if you’ve read the other books.

You do not need to read the others first, but it helps!!!

As a side note, I love her writing, and this book is meta as fuck. The author even admits in bonus info at the end that it’s meta AF. As an author, I can see the violin block issues that our FMC experiences.

#5- Afterparties

Author: Anthony Veasna So

Published: August 3, 2021

I also got this from BOTM as an add on, but this was a slog for me. It’s a book of short stories centering around the people in his family and neighborhood growing up amongst his elders which are mostly refugees from the Kmer Rouge. I enjoyed a few of the stories, but some took awhile to get through.

Sadly, this is published posthumously since the author died in December of 2020.

What did you read this month? Drop a comment! Have you read any of the above? I’d love to hear about it.

An Awkward Book Fair

Before anyone notices it and comments, yes, I have a series cozy mystery addiction in addition to skeezy romance books. You caught me. When Vivien Chien followed me back on Instagram, I almost wet my pants because she’s my favorite cozy author.

Anywho, my county library has a huge book sale every year that lasts three days and covers a convention center/concert arena floor. I usually have my “Friends of the Library” card up to date so that I can get early access, but had to settle for late access this year since I’m a horrible author/reviewer and totally forgot to support my local library. I also volunteer in most years, and didn’t this year. That’s another demerit in my local library support record.

In addition to not having early access, my husband was out of town and I had no sitter for a very surly child that I had to take with me. I’m talking crying, complaining and asking me when we can leave when we approached the first table. I took her away from sniper training (aka videogames that are probably age-inappropriate but we’re hoping for an e-sports scholarship someday) and you’d think I had asked her to eat poop. Damn me for making her leave the house.

We approached the paperback romance table, and I was so tired of the complaining, I asked her to help me find some books. So, my nine-year-old started looking through the romance books and pulling them out.

One of the volunteers looked at me about the time that I said, “No, that’s too clean for mommy. I need cheesy or dirty stuff.”

Let’s just say that I was happy to see that my kid looked very confused.

The volunteer working that table came over and pointed out that I was the inspirational/Christian romance section, which prompted a response of a grimace and, “Oh Dear Jesus. No!”

So we moved to the section with the dirty or cheesy stuff. Thankfully, displeased child decided she’d had enough bullshit and didn’t even help me, deciding to just stand by me rolling her eyes. At least she wasn’t looking at the covers in this section, which made me feel like a marginally better parent than my own mother who hid her smut-coverd books in the bathroom cabinet right by the maxi pads where no male and no female that wasn’t of menses age could find them. Then, displeased child started asking (repeatedly) when we were leaving. Have you ever tried to immerse yourself in finding books with a displeased child with you?

At that point, the only thing I could really do to keep her from complaining was bribe her with Chic-Fil-A if I could look for a measly fifteen minutes. Apparently, anti-gay chicken sandwiches resulting in guilt so bad that I donate an equal amount of money to The Trevor Project every time I go through the drive-thru was the only way to appease her.

With a new countdown started and fifteen minutes to search an entire convention center for books I want to read, I started to sweat like I was on Supermarket Sweep. However, I started for find some books such as…

I even found some Ashlyn Chase. I’ve heard good things about her work, and I write paranormal romance. I should probably read more of my own genre. Anyone read her?

The volunteer at the cheesy smut table came over and asked if she could help me. (Not going to lie..when I volunteer at the sale next year, I’m going to ask for that job.) I said that write a blog and review romance books. (Yes, I know I haven’t blogged for awhile. I’ve been trying to get Arson ready for launch.) I told her I didn’t need any help, though, and I’d just look around.

About that time, a woman approached the volunteer looking for LGBTQ romance books. I let them have a conversation for a bit, and the volunteer told her she hadn’t seen any. The woman’s face kind of fell, and I heard her sound disappointed. The volunteer told the woman that she’d look in the boxes that hadn’t been put out yet, but these were donations by people in the county and we probably just didn’t get a lot donated.

This woman’s face was so sad, that I left Gollum and marched over to at total stranger to talk to her about LGBTQ romance books…like one does in a predominantly red state.

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear. What kind of books do you like?”

Woman: cricket face and her eyes got really round.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew I had crossed some sort of line. I felt it was akin to going up to someone at Dairy Queen and asking their favorite genre of porn.

I decided to just go balls deep and keep going, though, because I feel it’s important to commit after you start something. “Do you like mm, ff or are you into some bisexual menage?” (Don’t worry, Gollum was about 20 feet behind me at the fantasy/sci-fi table looking at something else at this point.)

Woman: “Well, I like mm.”

Me: “Oh, hell, I got you. These are the authors that write mm if you want to look for them.”

I then proceeded to give her a complete listing of mm authors that may be on the table because they’re mainstream. Then, I gave her a complete list of indie authors on Amazon as she got her phone out and furiously typed as she nodded.

Now folks, she could have been typing the names I gave her, or she could have been FB messaging a friend that was back at the paperback fiction table to come save her from the crazy lady at the paranormal romance table. It’s kind of a crap shoot. I like to think it was the former, and I helped her find new authors.

She thanked me. I told her good luck and found Gollum to get in the tally line.

Then, I learned something. Even if you have a perfectly pleasant conversation with someone about what kind of trash they read, after you leave the conversation and stand in line near them, you avoid eye contact.

It’s kind of like that time I saw my gynecologist at the soda station at Taco Bell and couldn’t say hi because she’s seen my vagina. I think I mumbled something like, “You like Dr. Pepper” and walked away.

She got in line two people behind me, and I haven’t faced forward that quickly and averted my eyes that quickly since Tom Lutes farted behind me in the third grade line for the drinking fountain.

Moral of the story, if you recommend cheesy romance books and learn what kind of genre people read to get off, make sure you’re far away from them in the tally line.

Next year, I’ll be sure that my husband can watch the kids while I volunteer at the pnr table. Then, I can have all the conversations about threesomes, blue alien dicks and milking farm erotica that I want without having to stand in the tally line with the people buying the dinosaur erotica.

If you’ve read any of the books I got from the book fair, comment and let me know your thoughts.