Mary-Frances O'Connor

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Mary-Frances O'Connor

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Born
in Boulder, CO, The United States
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Member Since
December 2019


Mary-Frances O'Connor is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss, and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab in investigating the effects of grief on the brain and the body.
O’Connor earned a doctorate from the University of Arizona in 2004 and completed a fellowship at UCLA. Following a faculty appointment at UCLA Cousins Center for Psychoneuroimmunology, she returned to the University of Arizona in 2012.
Her work has been published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, and Psychological Science, and featured in Newsweek, New York Times, and Washington Post.
Having grown up in Montana, she now lives in sunny Tucson, Arizona.
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Mary-Frances O'Connor When I talk to students or clinicians or even people sitting next to me on a plane, I find they have burning questions about grief. They ask: Is grief…moreWhen I talk to students or clinicians or even people sitting next to me on a plane, I find they have burning questions about grief. They ask: Is grief the same as depression? When people do not show their grief, is it because they are in denial? Is losing a child worse than losing a spouse? Then, very often, they ask me this type of question: I know someone whose mom/brother/best friend/husband died, and after six weeks/four months/eighteen months/ten years, they still feel grief. Is this normal?

After many years, it dawned on me that the assumptions behind people’s questions demonstrate that grief researchers have not been very successful at broadcasting what they have learned. That is what motivated me to write this book. I am steeped in what psychologist and grief researcher George Bonanno termed the new science of bereavement. The type of grief that I focus on in this book applies to those who have lost a spouse, a child, a best friend, or anyone with whom they are close. I also explore other losses, such as the loss of a job, or the pain we feel when a celebrity whom we admire greatly and have never met dies. I offer thoughts for those of us who are adjacent to someone who is grieving, to help us understand what is happening for them. This is not a book of practical advice, and yet many who have read it tell me they learned things they can apply to their own unique experience of loss. https://www.sciencefriday.com/article...(less)
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Metaphors We Live By
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The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
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Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
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“In humans as well, it is because your loved one existed that certain neurons fire together and certain proteins are folded in your brain in particular ways. It is because your loved one lived, and because you loved each other, that means when the person is no longer in the outer world, they still physically exist—in the wiring of the neurons of your brain.”
Mary-Frances O'Connor, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

“Grief is a heart-wrenchingly painful problem for the brain to solve, and grieving necessitates learning to live in the world with the absence of someone you love deeply, who is ingrained in your understanding of the world. This means that for the brain, your loved one is simultaneously gone and also everlasting, and you are walking through two worlds at the same time. You are navigating your life despite the fact that they have been stolen from you, a premise that makes no sense, and that is both confusing and upsetting.”
Mary-Frances O'Connor, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

“A key problem in grief is that there is a mismatch between the virtual map we always use to find our loved ones, and the reality, after they die, that they can no longer be found in the dimensions of space and time.”
Mary-Frances O'Connor, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

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