Anne Poirier's Blog, page 4

Self-Acceptance IS Possible!

From the book :The Body Joyful by Anne Poirier:

“I stand naked in front of the full-length mirror in the dressing room.  Something familiar bubbles up from the knot in my stomach. Captain Criticism and her team begin to rally. The shame-storm and judgment jury are gathered in the corner of my brain. They know exactly where to look and what to say to make sure they are heard…loud and clear by me.”  …..

Your turn… Imagine standing in front of a full-length mirror.

Also naked. You have been asked to gaze at yourself for two minutes.   Take a quick inventory of the feelings that come up by this suggestion. Did you feel curious, anxious, or afraid? Interested, hesitant or horrified? Willing or unwilling? Or did you reject the whole idea as something you would absolutely never do? Imagining the experience gives you an indication of your current level of self-acceptance and body acceptance; actually doing it will tell you even more.

 Self-Acceptance is an action…

It is something we do, not just something we feel. To say “I value myself” is an act of self-affirmation that provides a base from which self-esteem develops.

When we practice self-acceptance we don’t have to condone or even like everything about ourselves. In fact, it’s almost certain that we won’t. What it does mean is that we recognize and accept our thoughts, our actions, our emotions, our bodies, — everything about us, as ours. Ours in this current moment, at this current time.

“But I don’t want to be insecure (or afraid or judgmental or angry or fat or old or alcoholic or any of a dozen other things),” someone might say. “If I accept that about myself, it means I am waving the white flag, saying out loud that I don’t want to change. Or I won’t change.”     Here’s the paradox:

         Without acceptance of what is, it is impossible to change.

When we deny any part of ourselves, we name that part alien, wrong or outside. To say, “I don’t want to be _________, therefore I won’t accept that I am,” is self-rejection, the opposite of self-acceptance. To say, “I don’t want to be ________, but I am, and I am willing to accept it and then move forward and decide what I want to do from there.” is the kind of self-acceptance that gives birth to transformation.

Healing and growth can enter only when awareness and acceptance open the door. According to Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, “Nothing does so much for an individual’s self-esteem as becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of the self.”

Here’s another exercise: Try on any emotion that is difficult to face — insecurity, jealousy, anger, fear. Try it on as if it were a sweater or a pair of shoes. Breathe into it and focus on it; feel your feelings. Just your physical feelings, try to stay out of the stories in your head, they are not part of the sweater!  Notice how, as you accept and experience it, the feeling begins to melt away.

If you are resisting — tightening your muscles or holding your breath — try to accept and allow your resistance. If you deny the resistance, it will only gain in strength. But, like the feelings themselves, if you embrace the resistance, it will dissipate too.

Acceptance of both the negative and positive

It’s not only negative feelings or thoughts we sometimes don’t accept; we refuse our positive sides, too. In fact, some of our bright side can seem more frightening than our dark side. What a loss to refuse to accept our excitement or joy, our sensuality or our beauty. How sad to be frightened of our brilliance, our ambition or our dreams.

It has been said that the greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our greatness.

At its very center, self-acceptance is what keeps us alive. It is the strength that keeps us moving; it is what gives us the courage to finally say “No!” or “Yes!” It is the hand that reaches out for help.

To be self-accepting is to be for yourself, not against yourself. It is the birthright of you as an individual and every human being as well. Interested in support around self-acceptance and feeling comfortable and confident in your body?  Join The Body Joyful Revolution private Facebook page.  A safe space where we share exclusive tips, tools and strategies to accept yourself as you are…today.  Can’t wait to see you there!

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How to make your dreams come true…Create Your Destination Postcard!

2020 has thrown us all some curve balls, thus I am reposting this from last year at this time.  

I am reposting because we all deserve a re-due!  2020 turned out to be a crazy year all around.  So, let’s all do this again.  Things have changed.  We have all had the opportunity to take a step back and look at our lives from a different perspective.  What did you learn about you last year?  About what is important to you?  Why not take that information and put it to good use! 

What is in your year-end letter?

An old client of mine used to send out a wonderful year-end holiday letter. It would always contain the adventures of her four-footed friends Timber and Josie, herself, and the states that she and her husband had “knocked off” their list.  

You see, after they had achieved the goal of climbing all of New Hampshire’s “4,000 footers”, they became antsy for another goal—one that involved the two of them and would be exciting and enjoyable to accomplish.

They decided it would be a fun and interesting way to see the country if they set a goal to visit and spend at least one night in each of the 50 states. They posted up a map of the United States in their den and the fun began. 

I always loved to receive this letter to see how their goal and vision was being lived, what states they had pinned, and what adventures they had in each state.

As we start this brand-new year, we tend to think about what it might contain, asking the question…I wonder how this year will go down?

How to make your dreams come true this year.

Do you realize that you have more power than you think over your own 2021 destiny and how you’ll make your dreams come true?

You can influence your 2021 more than you think. 

Your challenge:

We call it creating your own “Destination Postcard”. It can also be framed as your own year-end holiday letter. It’s a way to share with yourself how you want to feel, what you want to do, and what changes you want to make this coming year. 

As you know from our last blog, I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, yet I am a fan of the power of thought and visualization.

That’s one reason I’m also a fan of journaling. Here are some of the other benefits of journaling. 

Are you willing to take a few minutes to “see and feel” YOUR 2021? To actually visualize what it will feel and look like when you sit back with a cup of coffee on December 31, 2021 and reminisce about your past year?

It’s so easy for our days to slip by.  Do you ever wonder where a week or month went as you pause long enough to think back? Isn’t it true that more often than not, you can’t even remember what you’ve done? Especially this past year? 

Without taking time to form intentions and think about what you want to do, feel, or experience, the likelihood of you doing, feeling, or experiencing anything at all disappear. 

An exercise in vision.

An exercise I do a lot is one involving talking out events, in present tense, that have yet to come. I talk about how a future event turned out, with embodied excitement and joy. It has helped me release any stress about an upcoming situation and enter it with calmness and confidence.  

How to start.I remember how…I remember when…It was so exciting to…It felt so amazing to…

Here is an example of what I think about as I contemplate the end of 2021.

“I remember my book launch going so amazing!  It sold over 1,000 copies in the first week.  Over the past few months we have topped 5,000.  I am so happy the book is impacting others lives.  Because of getting the contract, I started a private facebook community in November with 35 members which has grown this year to over 3,000 members!  My days are filled with coaching, writing my next book, walking the beach and creating video series! “

Or maybe something like this….

“It has felt so amazing to really start changing the way I see myself this year. I have finally stopped beating myself up and have been accepting and actually appreciative of who I am! It has been the best year, I am treating myself better, enjoying more dancing and hiking, eating new and interesting foods that feel and taste good, and doing things I would not have dared to do before…I have so much more energy and confidence. It has been an amazing year.”

Speaking of treating yourself better, here are 3 of my favorite healthy habits for improving your relationship with yourself.

What would you like to do, feel, or experience this year? 

Take some time this week to sit down and write yourself an end-of-year holiday letter or destination postcard, outlining how you made your dreams come true. Write it as if you are dictating on December 31, 2021. Read it often, post it somewhere, or send it to yourself every month.  

I can’t wait to hear how your 2021 was. Mine has been fantastic. 

Want to be part of a community making their dreams come true too?  Click here to join the Body Joyful Revolution!  A community of women, regardless of weight, size or shape empowering other women to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies! 

 

The post How to make your dreams come true…Create Your Destination Postcard! appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Say NO to Resolutions!

Every January 1, it’s the same thing. “This year my resolutions are…(fill in the blank).”  It is always seemed to be the same thing for me, over and over again.  Lose weight, stop binging, exercise more…

Needless to say, nothing ever worked.  If they had, I wouldn’t have to keep making the same resolutions over and over again. So, a couple of years ago, I shifted my perspective around “New Year’s Resolutions”. 

I began to think back on my year to see what I learned about myself, what I want to shift, or what I want to release instead. (Check out the top 10 year-end questions blog here). What thoughts, behaviors, or activities have moved me away from being happy, joyful, and content? 

Did you know that over 85% of the population fail their New Year’s resolutions within the first 5 weeks of the new year? With this in mind, release-O-lutions were born.  

What is a Release-O-Lution?

It’s the process of letting go of something in your life that clutters it up, frustrates you, brings you down, puts you in a shameful or blameful place, depresses you, makes you anxious, etc.

Things you might release include:    

Regrets: I should have…If I only…Why didn’t I just…I wish I had…Physical items that promote feelings of failure, sadness, anxiety:That pair of jeans in your closet, that don’t fit. A shirt that you wore when you weighed less.The old box of  “when I lose the weight” clothes.A case of Slim-Fast in your basement.A shelf of diet books in your living room.The scale in your bathroom that has the power to tell you how to feel about yourself.Assumptions: I am not smart (or thin, successful, happy) enough.No one likes me.I don’t have what it takes.I am always messing up.I can’t do anything right.It doesn’t matter anyway.I am not good enough.

Start with one thing.  Release just one assuming thought, one physical item, or one regret.  

This is about taking a stand and making a hard choice. “I choose to not let what others think about me define who I am or bring me down”  or  “I choose to forgive myself for making that mistake last year” (or 10 years ago!)

My experience with Release-O-Lutions.

This last year I decided to finally let go of the “should have’s” I have continued to think about in regards to certain conversations I regreted.  Every time I thought about them, my mind would go back to “Why did I say that? Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut? Why didn’t I say this instead, why am I so stupid”.  I would re-live the experience, the emotions and the feelings.  

I paid the price of regret and sadness when it happened, yet each time I thought about it, I would paid  the price of pain, sadness, frustration and disappointment with myself over and over again

This negative self-talk is something a lot of us face. Here are 3 tips for more positive self-talk.

Enough was enough. The thoughts were keeping me stuck in the past.  It was time to look at what I had control over and what I didn’t.  I took responsibility for myself and my actions and stepped forward in my truth.

Do I mess up sometimes? Yes.   Does beating myself up over my mistakes serve me? No.

The assumptions and self-deprecating thoughts lowered my self-esteem, my self-worth, and my value. 

Choosing a new path.

I made the choice to change, take responsibility for my mistakes, and move on.  

How long do you want to hold onto things in your closet that make you feel unworthy or thoughts about yourself that hold you back and label you as unworthy? 

Releasing is a proactive choice about becoming aware of how your thoughts or your physical environment (like the clothes in your closet) make you feel about yourself, and then making a choice: To hold on or let go.  

What will you be releasing in 2021 to find more joy, happiness, and contentment in your life?

Would you like company on your journey?  Join the Body Joyful Revolution!  A community of women empowering women to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies and their decisions.  There are exclusive tips and resources there too, to help you on your journey. Join us in the Body Joyful Revolution Here

Updated blog post from 12/21/2019

 

 

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2020’s Top 10 Year-End Questions!

This year has brought many surprises and many shifts in the way we do things.  Different opportunities, new activities and new skills were forced upon us. So, as the year speeds to its end, it becomes a good time to begin to mentally prepare for next year, with a whole new perspective.

You may have done this last year, and realized things didn’t quite go as planned. Yet, with the circumstances, why not take a few moments to look back on what you did accomplish this year?

 

Some questions to ask yourself: What have I accomplished this year? Be specific. Write it all down. Then, schedule some time to celebrate this!

 

What have I learned this year? What skills did you pick up? What did you learn about yourself? What emotional lessons may you have moved through?

 

What got in my way? Think about both external things (like Covid) and also internal things (maybe procrastination or self-belief) This what you get to work on next year if you choose. Be honest and specific if it was your own self that got in the way.

 

Who contributed to my successes?  Who helped support you when you lost your job, or you’re your child moved back in with you? What can you do to recognize, celebrate and appreciate these members of your personal or professional team?

 

What mistakes did I make, and what did I learn from them? I do this every year. I used to beat myself up around them, now, I celebrate them. Making mistakes always teaches me something and helps me grow. Writing these down helps strengthen the lesson learned.

 

Where my actions and my work consistent with my values? Do you even know what your values are? Did they change this year? This might be a great time to re-evaluate what your values are.  This past year has certainly shifted my own values. GO HERE for a place to start. How will you make sure to work and live within your values this next year?

 

Where did I not take responsibility? Taking a look back on your year to see what you wished you had done differently allows us perspective. It is easier to see our mistakes with a little distance from the actual events. By taking responisbility from our own actions, we can then forgive ourselves (or others), and learn from them.

 

How did my performance rate? At home? At work? With my self-care? Give yourself a letter grade or a 1-10 score. What would you like to change for next year?

 

What do I need to let go of? Forgive yourself, forgive others, and release the things you have no control over. Unloading this helps you walk into this new year lighter, and with a different perspective.

 

What was missing for me this year? What would you like to make sure you do, feel, have, or experience next year? How might you make sure to incorporate them into next year?

 

Supporting your 2021

Stay tuned to our next couple blogs that will support you to make next year one to look forward too.

Are you part of the Body Joyful Revolution yet?  Join a community of women who are comfortable and confident in their bodies and who celebrate and support one another.   Click here to join!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Silent night…Five ways to take a pause (during the holidays & beyond)

 “What is this life if, full of care,  We have no time to stand and stare.”    —W. H. Davies

You wake up in the morning and off you go.  Shower, breakfast, walk the dog, get dressed, feed kids, answer emails, make appointments, do errands, go to work…The list of to-dos is endless. A moment of time for yourself becomes a bonus, and extra, a lucky break.  Then when you get it, you feel guilty, or have no idea what to do with it!

 

Your doctors appointment just got cancelled last minute…

Congratulations! You are the winner of one unexpected free hour!

What will you do with your winnings?

Answer your email? Return to the project you were working on before you had to leave? Pay bills? Return phone calls?

Ever consider doing nothing?

 

If you’re like many of us today, the thought of doing absolutely nothing for an entire hour seems as wasteful as throwing a week’s worth of groceries out with the garbage. Indeed, free time with nothing to do can generate near panic among some of us who are overloaded and time starved.

 

The Need for Pause

“We seem to have a complex about busyness in our culture,” says Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul. “Most of us do have time in our days that we could devote to simple relaxation, but we convince ourselves that we don’t.”

And yet, the harder we push, the more we need to replenish ourselves. As Stephan Rechtschaffen, author of Timeshifting, says, “Each of us needs some time that is strictly and entirely our own, and we should experience it daily.”

The importance of this downtime, of pausing, cannot be overstated. It is essential self-care. We see more clearly, we hear more keenly, we’re more inspired, we discover what makes us feel alive.

On some level, we know this already. But claiming time to ourselves, time that is often labeled “unproductive” and sticking to it can be difficult.  It feels foreign. Yet, it is important to to establish formal boundaries around our idle time to ensure that we, ourselves—honor this time.

 

5 Ways to take a PAUSE

 

Make a date with yourself. Read a book, take a nature walk, watch a movie, take a nap. Get to know types of things you enjoy.Stand firm. Learn how to say “no” to co-workers, children, a spouse or a friend. Honor yourself and your quiet time.It helps to fill your cup so you can be more present with them later.Be clear about your needs. It’s not, “I need more time to myself.” It’s more like, “I’m willing to spend 20 minutes by myself in the morning before everyone gets up. It is important to my well-being”Be on the lookout for stolen moments. The canceled dental appointment to sit on a park bench watching pigeons.Practice doing nothing. “Doing nothing” is an art, and like all art it takes practice. The more you do it the easier it gets.

 

How we define idle time varies person to person. For example, for one person, gardening may be meditative downtime, whereas for another, it is one baking a nice dessert for the family.  The woods are a great place to stroll through for one person, an opportunity to be in and with nature: for another, it’s a great place for an “podcast” walk.

Our idle time should be like a beautiful flower: it has no purpose. It’s just there. And yet, it refreshes us and reminds us of nature’s glory.

 

Do something that has no purpose other than joy. Take a half-hour a day to surprise and delight yourself. Keep it simple and keep it consistent. If your idle time becomes a “program,” or becomes progress toward some productive goal, begin again.

It’s stunning, how simple it really is.

Join us for Treat Yourself Tuesday’s over at the Body Joyful Revolution (a private FaceBook page) , where we stress the importance of self care, pausing and living in the moment.  See you there!

 

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Why I’m done with Diet-Culture and you can be too.

The entry stories into Diet-Culture are endless…

“I was 10-years-old when my mother dragged me into my first Weight Watchers meeting”

“My brother had cheese sandwiches and cookies for lunch, while I was given carrots and celery.”

“The doctor told my mother I needed to lose 20 pounds when I was 12.”

“I have always been ashamed of my body, so dieting is just what I do.”

Our beliefs about what we look like, our weight, size and shape start young.  The messages come from well-meaning parents, physician shaming and childhood nicknames . They are then followed by media messages from money hungry diet culture, media airbrushing and photo shopping and our own internal drive to fit in and belong with others.  These types of messages drive us to never feel quite good enough.

The beliefs that lead to Diet-Culture

For me, there were two distinct beliefs I grew up with:

One: I was bigger than the other kids, thus the size of my body was wrong.

Two: If I lost weight and looked like everyone else, I would be happy. My life would be better.

These beliefs drove me into decades of comparing, criticizing, and judging myself. Leading to  hundreds of diet attempts and hours and hours of exercise, all trying to change and alter my body into something it was not.

I was not alone.  As a matter of fact, eight out of ten 17-year-old girls are unhappy and feel shame around their bodies!  So, what do they do?  They search for a solution. One that will “fix” them ie: a diet to try and make them feel better about themselves.  And if the research also tells us that 91% of middle-aged women have “I hate my body” moments every day, that means we live decades beating ourselves up physically by dieting and emotionally by degrading self-talk.  I have clients in their 80’s who have been on an endless pursuit to lose weight and change the way they look for over 60 years. Isn’t it time to call a truce?

At war with our bodies

It seems as though we have been pitted in a war against ourselves and our bodies.  Diet culture, BMI recommendations and society’s thin ideal has surrounded and suffocated us. It is time for us to come up for air, take a new breath, think differently and change the trajectory of our next generation.

What would it have felt and been like if we were surrounded by women and men who embraced their bodies? People of all different sizes, shapes and weights, who were comfortable and confident in their bodies? Who accepted and embraced their differences and uniqueness?

I would love us to find out, because the way we have been living hasn’t been working out.  There is proof all around us by the amount of body shaming, bullying, weight stigmatization, disordered eating and eating disorders that are reported every day.

Time to be done with Diet-Culture!

My own decades of self-destruction has led me to say Enough is Enough!  It was time to step up and take a stand.  So, I have created The Body Joyful Revolution…a community of women who want to step up too.

At the Body Joyful Revolution, we empower women, regardless of weight, size and shape to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies; So that they can inspire other women and girls to do the same.  This is a community of women who have said ENOUGH, and are standing together to change diet culture, reject society’s thin idea, reduce body shaming, bullying, weight stigmatization, disordered eating and help prevent deadly eating disorders.

The goal is for our kids and grandkids, mothers, nephews, nieces, friends or colleagues to understand, embrace, and respect their individuality and uniqueness. When we feel good about ourselves, we feel confident to be ourselves.  This blesses the world with our own unique one-of-a-kind gifs and talents.

We can make a difference by embracing our differences, accepting ourselves and celebrating one another. If you are ready to step into yourself join the Body Joyful Revolution today, or schedule a free Body Joyful Breakthrough session here.

 

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