Anne Poirier's Blog, page 3

Ask yourself these top 10 Year End Questions!

This year has brought many surprises and many shifts in the way we do things.  Different problems, along with some new opportunities. We had to find ways to navigate this new normal.

Another year is in the book, one that has been interesting for us all to learn from.  So, as the year speeds to its end, it is a good time to begin mentally prepare for next year, with a whole new perspective. (that’s what we do all the time at shaping perspectives!)

You may have done this last year, and realized things didn’t quite go as planned. Yet, with the circumstances, why not take a few moments to look back on what your year looked like…

2021’s top 10 year end questions! What have I accomplished this year? Be specific. Write it all down. Then, schedule some time to celebrate this!

 

What have I learned this year? What skills did you pick up? What did you learn about yourself? What emotional lessons may you have moved through?

 

What got in my way? Think about both external things (like environment, new regulation, ect) and also internal things (maybe procrastination, perfectionism, or self sabotage) This what you get to work on next year if you choose. Be honest and specific if it was your own self that got in the way.

 

Who contributed to my successes?  Who helped support you when you lost your job, got ill, or you’re your child moved back in with you? What can you do to recognize, celebrate and appreciate these members of your personal or professional team?

 

What mistakes did I make, and what did I learn from them? I do this every year. I used to beat myself up around them, now, I celebrate them. Making mistakes always teaches me something and helps me grow. Writing these down helps strengthen the lesson learned.

 

Were my actions and my work consistent with my values? Do you even know what your values are? Did they change this year? This might be a great time to re-evaluate what your values are.  (Get the Body Joyful-it’s a great place to start!) How will you make sure to work and live within your values this coming year?

 

Where did I not take responsibility? Taking a look back on your year allows you to see what you might have done differently.  It allows us perspective. It is easier to see our mistakes with a little distance from the actual events. By taking responsibility for our own actions, we can then forgive ourselves (or others), and move on.

 

How did my performance rate? At home? At work? With my self-care? Give yourself a letter grade or a 1-10 score. What would you like to change for next year?

 

What do I need to let go of? Forgive yourself, forgive others, and release the things you have no control over. Unloading this helps you walk into this new year lighter, and with a different perspective.

 

Was anything missing for me this year? What would you like to make sure you do, feel, have, or experience next year? How might you make sure to incorporate them into next year?

 

Supporting your 2022

Stay tuned to our next couple blogs that will support you to make next year one to look forward too.

Are you part of the Body Joyful Revolution yet?  Join a community of women who are comfortable and confident in their bodies and who celebrate and support one another.   Click here to join!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The post Ask yourself these top 10 Year End Questions! appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

What is The Body Joyful Revolution?

What type of conversations go on inside your head?  Self-criticism?  Judgment of others?  Fear of failure?  Worry about what others are thinking about you?  You rock?  You got this?

How much time does your self-talk consume?  And is more of it positive or negative?

Believe it or not, research tells us that more than 80% of our self-talk is negative, AND 80-90% of that negative self-talk is repeated day after day.

What about you?  There have been studies that tell us 97% of women have an “I hate my body moment” day after day.  This leads to shame, self-criticism, doubt, guilt, comparison to others and more.

After decades of this kind of self-degrading talk, I finally chose NOT to live my life that way.

Over the last 7 years I have worked with and had conversations with hundreds of women who also have lived within the confines of their own heads. Imprisoned by their own thoughts.   Never feeling good enough, thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough etc.

And due to this,

We blame our bodies. 

The don’t look like they should. “If only I was thinner/smaller, had bigger/smaller boobs, had longer/thicker hair…then I would be happy, then I would be accepted, then I would be enough.”

These conversations and coaching sessions made me sad, angry and frustrated.  Why is it that we put ourselves, or others put us on diets at 10 years old?  Why do our mothers or fathers sent us away to “fat camp” for the summer, worried about how we appeared to others…or about our “health”?   Why do we continue to beat ourselves up for not “measuring up?”

It is because we have bought into a belief, that living in a smaller body would make us accepted, loved, enough, or “right”

 

Change the Conversation

It’s time to CHANGE THIS CONVERSATION.  Both with ourselves and others.  It is for this reason I wrote the book The Body Joyful, My journey from self-loathing to self-acceptance.  It was time to share my story, because the truth is, I kept hearing some rendition of this same story from hundreds of women. I wasn’t alone, and neither were they.

Healing yourself comes from validating your own stories and beliefs and then giving yourself permission to shift and change them.  In turn you begin to see yourself from a different perspective.

 

This is why I created…

The Body Joyful Revolution.  

The Body Joyful Revolution is a safe, non-judgmental gathering place for women of all sizes, shapes and weights, who are ready to get off the dieting band wagon, reject society’s thin ideal, reduce their degrading negative self-talk, and release their struggle with weight, food and body image.

It is a space where women want to learn to feel competent and comfortable in their bodies, and then empower and inspire other women and girls to do the same.  We are generational change agents, stepping out of society’s norm and standing strong in ourselves…as we are, while respecting and honoring our ‘here and now’ bodies.

Our mission is to

reject society’s thin idealsay NO to diets, (and not buy in anymore!)reduce bullying, weight stigmatization and body shaming,help prevent disordered eating and deadly eating disorders.

 

Becoming a different kind of role model

After decades of diets and hundreds of years we, as a collective, have spent trying to change our bodies to fit in, It is time to stop.  It is time NOW to change this conversation around food, eating, weight, and body.

The Body Joyful Revolution exists so that

five-year old’s aren’t being called fat and kindergarteneight-year old’s aren’t going on a diet (or put on a diet)we’re not spending 60- 70- 80 years worried about our weightdegrading ourselvesgoing on and off dietspunishing ourselves

By becoming a different type of role model for our next generation, we can actually change our family’s legacies. Dieting and poor body image have been traveling down through family lines for long enough!  Enough is enough!

And we need YOU

Are you ready to help us?  GO here and request to join (yes, of course it is free!)

 

Here’s how you start

Once you request to join, we’ll admit you in!  Next…

Post an Intro of yourself, so we can get to know a little about you. Something simple, like where you’re from. And one thing that you’d like us to know about you.Make sure to download the Body Joyful Womenfesto, Roadmap and the 5 secrets to food freedom and body confidence without dieting & restriction.After that go explore our feed! There are lots of great conversations and posts to read.

Whenever you are comfortable, feel free to comment on others posts, share an Aha, or post something that resonates with you and is part of our mission.  (Just remember to follow our guidelines)

I look forward to supporting you in this journey and looking forward to getting to know you.  Walk with a group of women who can make an impact in this world in a way that makes a difference.

Welcome to the Body Joyful Revolution Community.

Let’s make a difference.

See you in there and check back often to see what’s new.

The post What is The Body Joyful Revolution? appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Surprising Places & Ways to Find Self-Care this Holiday Season

 “What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.”  —W. H. Davies

Believe it or not the holidays are just around the corner.  That means, much like the Halloween witch or goblin, fear is lurking.  Many people get anxious and fearful this time of year.  Worried about parties, gifts, finances, food, family gatherings and “making sure everything is perfect”. I know all too well; I was one of them.

There is another thing lurking…added stress.  Great, after a year and a half of full-on covid and political stress, we now get to add this! (Insert sarcastic tone here).

Stress kicks in

The time between Halloween and the New Year has always increased personal stress. So, with that said, this year…it has never been more important to plan your own self-care or “down time”

On a “normal” day, this is the usual scenario: the alarm goes off in the morning and off you go.  Shower, breakfast, walk the dog, get dressed, feed kids, make lunches, answer emails, make appointments, do errands, go to work…The list of to-dos and chores are endless.

As soon as the holidays hit though, we add: conversations with family, get togethers, shopping for gifts, planning meals, prepping, and cooking meals, cleaning homes “to be seen by in-laws” and parties…to plan, take kids too, go to yourself, cook for, clean for, decorate for, buy clothes for, etc.

Just writing this all makes me anxious and stressed!  It is no wonder we are all exhausted by the time New Year’s rolls around, and I, for one, am usually in bed by 9am.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  The Holidays can be enjoyed, by making sure you are:

 

Taking care of yourself.

Taking a moment for yourself can make a world of difference.  But usually, finding this moment becomes more of a wish than an actual event.

AND even then, when you get it? …You feel guilty about doing something for yourself “because your list is so long” OR “I should be doing ….” OR You have no idea what to do with it, because “your list is so long”

 

Finding borrowed time…

Your appointment/meeting/conference call/kids’ volleyball game/zoom just got cancelled last minute…

Congratulations! You have now become the winner of one unexpected free hour!

What will you do with this windfall of TIME?

Answer your email? Go shopping for gifts?  Plan out that party? Return to the project you were working on before you had to leave? Pay bills? Return phone calls?

Never, do we consider doing nothing or engaging in self-care.  And why not? Because our society has told us that is lazy, selfish and unproductive.

What if I told you, that this found hour (or 30 minutes) can have way more physical and emotional benefits than most anything?  Well, it can. (more about the benefits HERE)  Taking that found hour for yourself, can fill your cup for another day, another challenge, another trauma, another success….

 

Self-care & downtime reduce stress

It will reduce stress, increase your immune system, increase your mood, focus and productivity for the next few hours!

If you’re like many of us today, the thought of doing absolutely nothing for an entire hour seems as wasteful as throwing a week’s worth of groceries out with the garbage. Indeed, free time with nothing to do can generate near panic among some of us who are overloaded and time starved.

“We seem to have a complex about busyness in our culture,” says Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul. “Most of us do have time in our days that we could devote to simple relaxation, but we convince ourselves that we don’t.”  Yet, during this time of year, taking a moment for ourselves can impact everyone around you.

It’s interesting, the harder we push, the more we tend to push.  And in reality, the more we push, the more we need to replenish ourselves. As Stephan Rechtschaffen, author of Timeshifting, says, “Each of us needs some time that is strictly and entirely our own, and we should experience it daily.”

 

The importance of this downtime…

…Should not be overstated. It is essential self-care. If we take it, we see more clearly, we hear more keenly, we’re more inspired, and we can discover what makes us feel alive.

On some level, we know this already. But claiming time for ourselves, is often labeled “unproductive”. It feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even foreign.

It is time to establish formal boundaries around your idle time, found time or self-care time to ensure that you honor it.

 

Found Time = Self-Care TimeHave a “self-date” jar or list. Read a book, take a nature walk, watch a movie, take a nap. Get to know types of things you enjoy.  Schedule it on your calendar and stand firm. Learn how to say “no” to co-workers, children, a spouse, or a friend. Honor yourself and your quiet time.  It helps to fill your cup so you can be more present with them later.Be on the lookout for stolen moments. Like the canceled dental appointment to sit on a park bench watching pigeons.Practice doing nothing. “Doing nothing” is an art, and like all art it takes practice. The more you do it the easier it gets.Step out on your porch/deck/front step and take 6 deep breaths (research shows this helps shift you into a more relaxed state)

How we define this idle time (found time, self-care time) varies from person to person. For example, for one person, gardening may be meditative downtime, whereas for another, it is one baking a nice dessert for the family.

 

You do You.

What feels good to you (for ideas check out creating a self-care toolbox)

The woods or the beach are a great place to stroll through. It is an opportunity to be in and with nature: for another, it’s a great place for an “podcast” walk.

Do something that has no purpose today other than JOY. Take a half-hour a day to surprise and delight yourself. Keep it simple and keep it consistent. If your idle time becomes a “program,” It will become a benefit to all those around you.

It’s stunning, how simple it really is.

“Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.” ― Pema Chodron

Click here for a complimentary conversation to learn more about ways to implement self-care and decrease stress.  

 

 

The post Surprising Places & Ways to Find Self-Care this Holiday Season appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

The difference between Body Neutrality & Body Positivity

How do you feel about your body?

Did you feel about your body when you were a kid?  Is it different than it is today?

If you fall in the norm, you don’t like your body all that much.  Most women don’t. (75% of women don’t want to leave their home due to how they feel in their body!)

And it is no wonder, when you are faced day after day with the same voices in your head, degrading or shaming you as you get dressed, or look at yourself in the mirror.  This is what is happening in our culture today.

Society has pushed a body ideal down our throats.  The only way to be successful, accepted and loved is if you look a certain way.  With that said, the messages we get are to either fit into society’s ideal image or to embrace and love the body you have.

 

So, what do we do if we don’t like either option?

Fitting into society’s thin ideal means dieting, deprivation and restriction that fails 95% of the time!  That does not seem like a good choice. (read why here)

And yet, for many loving our bodies seems unrealistic, far-fetched, ridiculous and even impossible.

 

Enter Body Neutrality…

Body Neutrality lies in the middle of what I call the Body Image continuum.

On one end is body hatred and body dislike and on the other end is body acceptance and body love.  Body neutrality is in the middle. It’s about seeing our bodies as neither positive or negative. It is much more feasible to step into a neutral space of your body, when you have spent much of your life hating it.

Body Neutrality is a resting place on the way up this continuum towards body acceptance, body positivity and body love and it’s a healthier space to be in over body dislike and body hatred.  It also feels more achievable for many people than body acceptance, positivity, or love.

This resting place turns down the volume of both our internal voices (telling us we need to change our bodies) and society’s external voices of looking a certain way, and turns up the volume of listening to, and trusting ourselves and our bodies.

It is a shift in the way we see ourselves.

 

Good Gift/Bad Gift analogy

When I talk to clients about moving towards this space of body neutrality, I use this analogy:

When we receive a great gift from a friend or loved one, we tend to take really good care of it, we treasure it.  When we receive a bad gift from a friend or loved one, it tends to end up in the back corner of our closet, re-gifted or maybe even donated.

The way we treat our bodies is similar.  We tend to treat ourselves (both in our self-talk and in our behavior) the same way we feel about ourselves.  If I like myself, I will treat myself with more kindness, compassion, and respect.  If I hate myself, I will continue to beat myself up with negative self-talk and possibly punish myself with restriction, binging, over-exercising, or more…

Body Neutrality- How to taking a few steps up the body confidence continuumFocus on what your body can do, rather than what it looks likeThink about your body as being the vehicle you get to experience life inPractice self-compassion

Click here more information on Body Neutrality

 

What about Body Positivity?

Body Positivity is a social movement focused on acceptance of all bodies, regardless of size, shape or weight…that also challenges today’s beauty standards.  It was developed to encourage people to love their bodies, while also showing more diverse images of women’s bodies in the media.

It gave permission for women to realize they have the right to think positively in their bodies, regardless of size, shape, or weight. This movement is important, due to the fact that it fights against ‘societies thin ideal’.

When you feel comfortable and confident in your body, you have the ability to say: Yes, I can…I can talk positive to myself, I can love my body, just as I am. Period. End of story”

Body Positivity falls on the Body acceptance and body confidence side of the body image continuum. (opposite body hatred and body dislike)

So how about you? Where do you fall on the body image continuum?

No matter where you fall, taking steps up this continuum will lead to …

Increased self-esteem and self-respectMore positive attitudeCompassionate and kind self talkMore confidence in selfLess stress and anxietyLess comparison of othersLess shame, guilt or judgmentDecreased depression and addictive behaviors

 

The way you see yourself impacts your overall quality of life.

With that said, what is your next step? Is it away from body hatred and towards body neutrality?  Or is it slowly away from body neutrality towards body appreciation and body acceptance?

Self and body acceptance is possible.  It does not come overnight.  It takes patience, practice, curiosity and compassion.  And IT IS POSSIBLE (click here for more on self-acceptance).

If you are ready to take your next step up the body image continuum and would like a roadmap to navigate your way.  Schedule a complimentary chat with me and I will help get you started.

 

The post The difference between Body Neutrality & Body Positivity appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?

“I have been buying into the diet industry my whole life and then I became part of the problem,” Valerie Bertinelli recently stated in an interview shortly after she was trolled on twitter about her new book “Enough Already”.  I must agree, many of us have been buying into the diet industry and diet culture for years who feel the same way.  As a matter of fact, we are applauding her openness and honesty.

‘Enough already’ are the exactly words I said to myself 6 years ago as I sat in a hospital bed, waiting for a surgery that was supposed to put my body back together after decades of my own physical abuse. I had had enough trying to fit into society’s ideal image. Enough dieting, enough over exercising and enough beating myself up.

To tell the truth, I know how Valerie feels.  I was part of the problem too.  I believe many of us are, and we don’t even realize it.

 

Falling Victim to Society’s Thin Ideal

 

Here are a few examples of falling victim to diet culture and ‘societies thin ideal.’

Telling someone “how great they look, have you lost weight?” Or, being told how “wonderful  you look” after losing weight (on purpose, or due to stress, medication, illness etc.)Calling yourself names (negative, degrading body talk) because your body doesn’t look like it “should”Commenting: ‘that person over there shouldn’t be eating that’ or ‘she should not be wearing that outfit’ or ‘she/he/they would be so pretty if she/he/they just lost some weight”

How about you?  Have you been affected by diet culture or ‘societies thin ideal?’

Society’s Thin Ideal

Society has suffocated this country with images of how we ‘should look.’ The medical profession followed by categorizing people with a single number-the BMI (a completely false formula for health).  We can’t escape it. Images of air-brushed models… touched up selfies, and photo-shopped images are everywhere.  From the grocery store line, to multi-media platforms. Unattainable images (for the majority of people) of body size, weight and shape are plastered for all to see, and see, and see again.

This has created a huge problem in our country.Studies show that 91% of women have an “I hate my body” moment every day.The average woman diets, restriction and deprives herself 17 or more years of her life.The rate of children under 12 hospitalized for an eating disorder (due to trying to fit a certain image) rose 119% in less than a decade.Women punish themselves with hours of exercise trying to ‘burn off’ dinner.All of this and more, all in the name of trying to fit in to what society has deemed acceptable.

We have been told for decades (which results in what we believe) that the only way we can ‘be happy’ is if we are “thin” or in a smaller body.  The only way we can ‘accept ourselves’ is if we have a certain BMI or weigh a certain amount.  And the only way we can be successful in career, or relationships is if our pant size is X.  Valerie’s right…

 

ENOUGH ALREADY.

Having experienced and recovered from an eating disorder and years of compulsive exercise, yo-yo dieting and negative body image, I know first-hand how negatively this impacts us.  Not only our bodies, but also our self-esteem, self-confidence, our relationships and society as a whole.

I made a conscious choice to reject diet culture and societies than ideal.  Cold turkey. I no longer wanted to contribute to the problem.

 

The ProblemGirls as young as six are afraid of being fat.94% of teenage girls have been bullied and shamed.There has been a significant increase in teenage eating disordersMore and more women experience anxiety, shame, guilt and depression due to negative body image.

All of this, in combination with my own disordered relationship with food and body is why I finally said ENOUGH.  I made a clean (and difficult, uncomfortable) break from diet culture. It was only when I made this decision, that I able to become part of the solution.

In addition to all of this, believe it or not, there is good news!Actually, it’s great news!YOU can be part of the solution too, just like Pinterest, Valerie and many others.

 

The Body Joyful Revolution

The Body Joyful Revolution was formed for just this reason.  To be part of the solution.  It is a community and global movement that welcomes women of all sizes, shapes and weights to: Say NO to Diets, Reject Societies Thin Ideal and Heal from Diet Culture.

This revolution applauds and welcomes Pinterest, Valerie and other celebrities into our community. And we would like to invite you to be part of the solution too.

I invite you to join the Body Joyful for Revolution today and help us reduce body shaming, bullying, weight stigmatization and disordered eating

 

 

Start Here:Say no to diets restriction and buying into societies than ideal once and for all.Change the conversation when it comes to weight size shape and body image.Support and encourage other social platforms to adopt a policy like Pinterest.Educate your family, friends, colleagues. educational institutions and community leaders about the dangers of Diet Culture and buying into Society’s thin ideal.Reach out to leaders, like myself and ask for help. It is out there.Pre-order my debut book The Body Joyful – My journey from self-loathing to self-acceptance.  In it I share my story and lay out a road map to joy, body confidence and self-acceptance… regardless of one’s size, shape or weight.

 

Join the Body Joyful Revolution Community.Invite your friends to join too!   Together we can make a difference.

 

 

The post Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution? appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Pinterest Bans Weight Loss Language and Imagery to Champion Body Neutrality and Acceptance

As a pioneer of the Body Neutrality movement since 2015, leader of Body Joyful Revolution and author of the Body Joyful book, I congratulate and welcome Pinterest to the Body Joyful Revolution.

This is a BIG deal.

 

Pinterest has put its foot down and has BANNED WEIGHT LOSS LANGUAGE AND IMAGERY ADS from its profile.

This step is brave, because the diet industry is a 72 Billion dollar a year industry.

The Body Joyful Revolution…

Is a community and global movement that welcomes and teaches women of all shapes, sizes and weights to stop dieting, reject society’s thin ideal and heal from diet culture applauds this decision. So, welcome them with open arms.

The Body Joyful Revolution encourages women to embrace their weight, size and shape and feel more comfortable and confident in their bodies. They begin to eat intuitively and prioritize self-care thus are able to create healthy boundaries.  Side effects of this way of thinking include: self-acceptance, more joy, and improved health.  Most importantly though, they rediscover a new and improved relationship with both food and body.

Having experienced and recovered from an eating disorder, I know personally how negatively it impacts you, your family and society.  I made it my mission to reduce body shamming, weight stigmatization, bullying and eating disorders and prevent life-threatening eating disorders.

My own recovery journey

…led me to become eating disorders specialist, intuitive eating counselor and body confidence coach. Needless to say, I was particularly thrilled to see Pinterest develop its new policy with guidance from the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). NEDA supports individuals and families affected by eating disorders, and serves as a catalyst for prevention, cures and access to quality care.

And with eating disorders, bullying and body shamming on the rise (even more so this past year through the pandemic)  this step by Pinterest should help decrease this dangerous trend.

 

Pinterest’s head of policy stated:

“The change in policy was designed to prioritize users “emotional and mental health and wellbeing, especially those users who are directly impacted by eating disorders or diet culture or body shaming”.

Body-shamming statistics indicate that “94 percent of teenage girls have been body shamed.”  This means MOST of our girls are being body shamed. When someone becomes a bullying target due to weight or looks, teasing develops into a negative body image.  “Individuals who have low self-esteem, perfectionism or anxiety issues are often generically predestinated to developing an eating disorder.”  Body shaming and bullying are also associated with poor health because they can lead to dire physical and mental health problems.

Mental health professionals state that this is an unacceptable form of bullying. This is especially pertinent now given the statistics:

During the pandemic NEDA reported increases as high as 70% to 80% to its helpline. It is estimated that more than 30 million people in the U.S. suffer from an eating disorder.According to the National Eating Disorder Coalition “the rate of children under the age of 12 being admitted to a hospital for an eating disorder rose 119% in less than a decade. Various news outlets in Canada, United Kingdom and the USA have highlighted how eating disorder cases have risen in children and teens during the pandemicCommon sense media wrote “80% of 10-year old girls have been on a diet and 50% of girls want thinner bodies.”Medical Daily reports woman spend an average of 17 years of their life dieting

Those are the statistics, but they don’t have to be the final word on this issue.

 

Pinterest has taken a bold step towards addressing these challenges by joining the Body Joyful Revolution.  

 

We all play a role, and now it’s time to be part of the solution by:

Encouraging all social media sites and corporations to adopt similar policies.Supporting organizations such as NEDA and the important work they do, whether that’s through donations, volunteering or spreading their message.Educating local institutions and leadership, as well as our friends, neighbors and family on how to talk and advocate on this topic.Reaching out to leaders like myself, to ask for help. These issues are bigger than anyone of us and the solutions lay in our collective effort.

 

Wont you join us in our mission and help be part of the solution? Click here to ask to join.

And help us as we empower our next generation to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies, regardless of size shape and weight, so they know their true value and worth and can impact this world by sharing their own unique gifts and talents.

 

Ask to Join the Body Joyful Revolution today

The post Pinterest Bans Weight Loss Language and Imagery to Champion Body Neutrality and Acceptance appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

5 Steps to Body and Food Freedom this Summer

For way too many years, body and food freedom was a concept I had never considered.

Thoughts of food, calories, weight, and body image occupied my brain. Over 90% of my day was spent counting, calculating, comparing, and criticizing. I was adding up calories, points, carbs, or fat grams. I was comparing my body to everyone I saw–criticizing it as I compared. Full of harsh words and self-judgment.

No wonder I wasn’t happy. It’s no wonder I said no to going out with friends, missing out on experiences and memories. And no wonder I was always mad at the scale and the mirror.

This year I think it is even worse for most.  Coming out of over a year of uncertainty, stress, and isolation. Diets and plans have come out swinging, vying for your money and trust.  Pick me, I can make your life better. It takes a hold of the brain and the negative feelings, comparisons, and judgments come flooding into your brain.

Summer is meant to be enjoyed

The thing is…life is too short! And as we head into this summer, isn’t it time we pause long enough to enjoy it?  Isn’t that what summers are all about? Summers are for going to cookouts, celebrations, beaches, and boardwalks. They certainly aren’t meant to be spent at home beating yourself up or kicking the scale. They are not to be spent throwing clothes on the floor and staring longingly into the refrigerator.

Are you tired of always thinking about what you should and shouldn’t be eating? What others are going to think about how you look? Comparing yourself to everyone else? (who is not you by the way).

If so, July is the perfect time to claim your Body and Food Freedom!

5 steps to body and food freedom

Here are a few ways to get you started.

1. Begin by throwing away your scale

Let go of all the numbers. Release the counting of calories, points, steps, or carbs. Dismiss BMI and weight “recommendations”

You are much more than a number on a scale or a chart.

Think for a moment about what 10 words/traits/qualities your friends would use to share why they like you. (Really, think about this).

Did you do it? If so…look at your list.

Is there anything there about your weight or your BMI score? Probably not. That is because they like you for many other reasons… Your worthiness, your humor, your impact. Your value has nothing to do with the size or shape of your body. Unfortunately, the connection to weight and value starts early. How early? Listen in to find out here.

 

2. Listen to what your body tells you.

Tune into your hunger and fullness cues.

When you are hungry, eat! AND eat the foods that you like and that make you feel good. When you are feeling full, stop eating. There will be an opportunity to eat again. When you are eating, and you don’t like the food? Stop eating.

Sounds easy right? Well, it can be. AND it can be extremely difficult. Tuning into what the body is telling you takes patience and practice. Start by pausing and tuning into your BODY…not the stories your mind has memorized.

If you know certain foods don’t make you feel good, know you have a choice to eat it and feel crappy. OR choose not to eat it, because you don’t want to feel crappy. You get to make a choice. As you begin to trust your body, it will start to tell you what it needs. Paying attention to it is the key. This is all part of intuitive eating.

 

3. Embrace the thought that there are no good and bad foods.

Begin to release the shame and guilt that comes after eating either certain foods or amounts of food.

Whenever shame and guilt follow eating, you are becoming a bully to yourself. This puts you in a position where you are both the bully and the bullied. This will increase your stress putting you into the fight/flight/freeze response.

Result?

You either eat more, beat yourself up more, or go searching for the next diet. AND Diets don’t work! 95% fail…read more here. In actuality,  this stress from the guilt and shame is more damaging to your health than the food you ate!

 

4. Clean up your social media feeds.

If you spend time scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, be aware of how it makes you feel. When you see things that make you feel bad about yourself, your weight, or your body, take notice. If they elicit negative self-talk, think about deleting them.

What is happening here is that you are comparing yourself to people who are not you. You compare your unique genetic gene pool, to others who are genetically different. You compare your life experiences to those whose are different.

How valid are these comparisons?

You end up giving a tremendous amount of power to people you are very different from you.

All of this ends up throwing you into #3’s fight/flight/freeze cycle. Moving you further and further away from any sort of peace or body and food freedom. Comparing yourself to others will only lead you down a path of never feeling good enough.

Read more on how to stop comparing yourself to others here.

 

5. Practice self-compassion and self-kindness.

This is one of the hardest, scariest, and most unfamiliar things to do.

We are taught to be hard on ourselves. That is what motivates us, supposedly. Unfortunately, the majority of the time this works the opposite way. Whenever we beat ourselves up…we fall back into #3 (shame, guilt, and beating ourselves up) ONCE AGAIN! This just adds controllable internal stress to our bodies.

Negative self-talk is one of the biggest contributors to added internal stress. Don’t you think we have enough external stress in our world today to deal with? Why would we make the choice to add some of our own to the mix?

By practicing self-compassion and self-kindness, we automatically begin to relax. We connect to our parasympathetic (rest and relaxation) nervous system. This allows us the time and space we need to breathe and connect with our frontal cortex. When we do this, we are capable of making more supportive and healthier decisions.

Upgrade your self-talk here.

You deserve body and food freedom. You are allowed freedom. And you have a choice to step into freedom.

Are you a member of the Body Joyful Revolution yet?

Click here to ask to join.  It is FREE! Don’t miss out on all the free resources, support, encouragement and inspiration to help you gain food freedom and body confidence once and for all!

Or sign up for a free Body Joyful Breakthrough session HERE…You are worth it.

If you enjoyed this article, you won’t want to miss these either:

Is Your Relationship With Food Keeping You Stuck?
Tips for Intuitive Eating
How Saying “Thank You” Can Impact Your Weight

 

 

The post 5 Steps to Body and Food Freedom this Summer appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

How to Heal Self Hatred

Self Hatred is such a harsh phrase, and yet, something all too familiar. 

What is the first thing you say to yourself in the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror? Is it something kind and compassionate? Or something negative and judgmental.

I know for me, most mornings I would degrade, criticize or making fun of my self. It was common place, and that harsh voice tended to stay with me all day. As a matter of fact, research tells us that when we start our day with compassion and gratitude, we will find it more throughout our day. If we start it with judgment and criticism, we will find more of that throughout our day. We are actually programming ourselves to look for it.

Our Inner Critic

These inner critics of ours are common and unfortunate constant in our inner lives. This internalized voice assumes the tone, words and language of our mothers, fathers, siblings, teachers, coaches, religion and society. No matter what we do or where you go, there it is. Doubting or damning us of our choices and decisions.

What I know to be true, is that for many people, “critic” is much too mild a word. The voice they hear is relentless, a vicious screaming that cripples and controls. They might call their voice the “Self-Hater” or the “Killer Critic.”

Not everyone hears self-hatred as a voice in their heads. Sometimes, it’s a way of being, an identity, that manifests in myriad forms.

Sabotaging healthy relationships or good jobsAttempting to prove worthiness by being perfect or through high achievement.Being drawn again and again into abusive situations.Where Does the Critic or Self-Hater Come From?

 

A Protector

In Embracing Your Inner Critic, Hal and Sidra Stone tell us our voice protects us.  It protects us from the pain and shame of always being found “less than.”  This voice develops within us “that echoes the concerns of our parents, our church or other people who were important to us in our early years.” That voice criticizes us before anyone else can.

“You can’t hurt me with your words, because I have said much worse to myself”

Punishment

Cheri Huber, author of There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate, sees the culprit in child-rearing practices based on punishment. These practices, she says, teach us that we need to be punished in order to be good. Because we believe that punishment is the path to goodness, we continue to do it to ourselves as adults.

Thus, the harsh words, self-sabotage or destructive behaviors.

Internalized Shame

Internalized shame from having been molested, neglected or abused as a child can create the most vicious forms of self-hatred. June was molested by her father and lived constantly with a voice in her head that told her, she was as unworthy of life.

She used to silence that voice with alcohol and drugs. “Only when I was high,” she says, “did I have any peace.”

 

 

Quieting the Voice

Understanding where the Critic originates is helpful, but then you have to ask, how can I get this voice to leave me alone? Many who have tried to argue or fight with or ignore it would attest to the futility of those tactics. Here, instead, are a few strategies that have helped me and my clients.

Meditation. In There Is Nothing Wrong with You and its follow-up When You’re Falling, Huber lays out a process in which you learn to listen to and then disbelieve the voice. It is to in fact, unlearn the lie that something is wrong with you. When Tammy started listening with detachment, she was shocked to discover that her crushing voice thought it was helping her.  That voice was trying to help her become a better person by screaming her “flaws.”

Listen to positive self talk.Since our inner critics come from the words and phrases of our surroundings as children, why not shift our surroundings? Research has shown we can help ourselves begin to replace this inner voice by having positive words and phrases repeated in the background of our day to day experience. For a great resource and free 30 day trial of Self Talk Plus: Click here

 

Added Healing

Therapy. Skilled facilitation can be crucial for healing the childhood traumas that often give rise to the Self-Hater. June went on an antidepressant and started therapy. She found relief and detachment from the voice and realized that her self-hating voice jump-started the depression and addictions. Through therapy, she’s gradually coming to accept herself just as she is. He still hears the voice, but it doesn’t drive her to drugs or alcohol anymore. She has developed a practice of deep, slow breathing and self compassion.

Understanding the Message Underneath. Hal and Sidra Stone recommend dialoguing with your Inner Critic.  You can do this with a therapist or in your journal,  This helps you understand what it is trying to communicate. Kathy tried this approach in her journal, writing out each of their parts, as though they were having a conversation. She discovered the voice that always called her stupid was afraid that if she made a mistake she would lose her job. She still hears the voice, but now considers it a call for help.  Now she responds with compassion and curiosity. When it starts calling her names, she asks what it is afraid of.  By doing this, she defuses its previous power over her and sometimes gaining useful information.

The goal in these strategies is not to silence the Critic or Self-Hater, but to re-frame, shift and transform it by disbelieving its slander, facing the traumas that empower it and understanding what it really fears, as well as the needs from which it may spring. You may never silence the voice completely, but it is possible to lessen its impact and tone to find relief and healing.  Ready to tame your inner critic?  Schedule a free mindset upgrade call. 

The post How to Heal Self Hatred appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

Open a Box of Valentine Inspiration

On Valentine’s day in 2nd grade, my pink heart envelope made from construction paper was half full so I glanced over at the girls to my right and saw that theirs were overflowing. When Valentines day is around the corner, I begin to remember my Valentines past.  How about you? Do you have any memories from elementary school that come up this time of year?

I do.  One of the ones that shows up every year is that elusive box of Sweethearts candies? Those the little heart candies that had messages on them. Words and phrases like: True Love, Be Mine, Hug Me, or Ooh La La.

When I see them in the drug store even now, I cringe and think NO THANK YOU, because the feeling is familiar and is leftover from elementary school.  So, as I approach 60, I think it is time to create a some new memories of Valentines day.  Ones that celebrates me, my body, my experiences and my personality.

What if you could create your own personal box of Sweethearts? 

What would YOUR personalized box of Sweethearts say? Are there words you wished you saw on those little hearts?  Think about what words you might write on your little hearts. Words that would lift your spirits, boost your self- esteem and make you smile!

What if opened a box full of words that made you sit up tall and take notice? A box created by you, for you.  From your authentic and personal uniqueness?

Every heart you pull out has a word on it about you.  The words are of all the traits and qualities you tend to lose sight of in your day to day. The ones that are forgotten, because you are too busy blaming, shaming or criticizing yourself. This is a box you can open whenever you notice yourself in need of a lift!

So today, I challenge you to build yourself a box of confidence, box of self-compassion, box of inspiration and a box of self-discovery. All you need is a pen and paper (some note cards or even little construction paper hearts!)  And…follow the steps below.

 

STEP 1: IDENTIFY WORDS THAT RESONATE WITH YOU and who you are to your friends and family

Take a deep breath and look at some of the words below. Look at the words with non-judgmental curiosity. Read the list, and circle or write down all the words that resonate with you and any other words that make you smile, or help you feel good or feel right for you. Don’t question, just write.

CompassionateCaringCapableTrustworthy-honestFunny-humorousArtistic-creative-musicalStrongEnergetic-activeJoyful-happyGutsy-brave-courageousObservantSensitiveIntuitiveKind-caring-empatheticSmart-brilliantReliable-dependableCuriousFriendly-considerateDetermined-drivenGoofy-fun-childlike-sillyOpen-mindedLoving-nurturingFairloyalSTEP 2: SELECT THE WORDS And VISUALIZE 

Now, look at the list of words you circled or wrote down. Choose a set of 11 words that resonate with you. Take these 11 words and write them out on notecards (or hearts) and create yourself a box of you. Or, if you would like, create yourself a vision board with your words.

STEP 3: REVISIT often

Place the vision board or box in a place where you see it every day. Open this box when you need a lift. Read the words out loud and give yourself permission to let the words soak into your body, heart and mind.

This activity, practiced daily can change the way you think and feel about yourself. It is a tangible act to help you learn that you matter.

“We nurture and care for the things we love and feel connected to. We neglect and destroy the things we do not.” –Unknown

Share your hearts with us!

Join the Body Joyful RevolutionCommunity, where we all are becoming more and more comfortable and confident in our bodies…regardless of size, shape or weight.

The post Open a Box of Valentine Inspiration appeared first on Shaping Perspectives.

How to Practice Acceptance

Last week we talked about how self-acceptance is possible.  In today’s blog we talk about the overall practice of acceptance.  As we learn to allow and acknowledge different things about ourselves, we learn to be more accepting.

 

 

Acceptance is an action,

It is something we do, not just something we feel. It is also a practice, much like yoga or meditation. The more we do it, the easier it becomes. And because some days accepting ourselves (or others) can feel  harder than others, so we get to keep practicing!  This practice of acceptance leads us to being more accepting ourselves and those around us.

Acceptance: the agreement with a belief, idea or opinion, and, or the willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation or idea.

This world is filled with differences, just like us. We all live with different experiences, different families, different schools, neighborhoods, countries, languages and more.  We all have different bodies, different genes, different likes and dislikes, so learning to accept these differences allows for greater peace and contentment.

 

Practicing Acceptance

Here are few ways to think about practicing acceptance and yes, some may feel uncomfortable at first. Trying something new tends to be. Just be curious and compassionate to all yourself as you start this new practice.

Difficult emotions. When anger, fear or jealousy arises, bring your attention to it. Breathe into it and notice where you feel it in your body. Allowing our self to shift our attention to the body detaches us from all the stories in our head connected to the emotion.  Give yourself permission to feel the emotion within the body only.  As you do, notice how the feelings may begin to subside.

 

Resistance. When you resist something, your muscles tighten, your jaw may clench or you may hold your breath. Resistance is normal, practice allowing it to be okay. Take a few deep breaths. Accept that the resistance is there (staying non-judgmental) and as you continue to breath notice how your resistance slowly subsides.

 

Your body. Stand naked or in just your underwear in front of a full-length mirror and notice your feelings. If you never would do something like that, notice and accept that too. Our bodies are all different and one thing is for sure, our bodies are always changing. They looked different ten years ago and will look different ten years from now.  Learning to appreciate our bodies opens the door for acceptance. Our bodies are our own unique homes we live in. Since we cant move out, why not accept and appreciate it? For more on this check out this blog on self-acceptance

 

Life conditions. Describe an area of your life that you wish were different and allow your feelings to arise. How would you wish it to be different? How can you look at this area of your life from a different perspective?  We tend to see things in only one way.  What are two or three more other ways you can look at this?  Shifting the way you see something shifts the way you feel about it.  Explore at least three other alternatives  of what you are thinking about through writing or talking it through with someone you trust.

 

Opinions. Write about a current situation about which you have strong feelings. We all see situations through our own experiences. It is no wonder a room full of people can watch a movie or attend an event and have completely different opinions. Know that it is okay to disagree with friends, family and organizations. When I finally realized that I ‘could agree to disagree’ with someone, I was able to listen, express, share and communicate in a way that was calm, confident and considerate. This practice allows us to respond rather than react.

 

Remember, acceptance is an action.

It is something do.  How would it feel to accept all of you?  Your emotions, opinions, your resistance, your life and your body?  Acceptance offers peace and ease.  It also increases confidence, connection and contentment.

If you want to join a private, empowering community of women who accept each other, regardless of weight, size and shape. And are practicing the act of self-acceptance every day,  ask to join the Body Joyful Revolution.  

 

 

 

 

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