Andrew Moore's Blog, page 94
March 8, 2023
The Cost of Innovation
The problem with stagnationcore is that embracing it violates the very principles of stagnation that undergird it. By problem, of course, I mean "artistic frisson."
March 6, 2023
The Newest Science Fiction Subgenre
It's the future, but everything's the same. I call it stagnationcore. Get in on the ground floor!
March 5, 2023
The Danger of Prophecy
The heroes burst through the portal leading to the inner sanctum, but too late. The ritual to restore the Betrayed God Chozka had been completed. "Now is the time for my vengeance against those who turned against me." The pillar of whirling darkness resolved into a form indescribable in human speech.
"They're all dead though," the heroes said.
"Yeah, that's true," agreed the dark priests. "It's been a long time."
"Oh." The power of the god that made all tremble retracted. "It gratifies me to hear that. Now is the time for me again to bless this planet and all its living creatures. What are the best oracles nowadays?"
One of the dark priests pointed at the heroes. "There's a prophecy from a thousand years ago predicting these meddlers. That's the last one we have."
"How negligent. Now is the time for me to start up a new location. You're all hired."
Thus were oracular pronouncements returned to the world, and everyone made so much money they no longer wanted to destroy all humanity or break into houses to open treasure chests. Moreover, the god remembered to use some of that money to hire security in case anyone got mad about the predictions the way they did millennia earlier.
Finis
"They're all dead though," the heroes said.
"Yeah, that's true," agreed the dark priests. "It's been a long time."
"Oh." The power of the god that made all tremble retracted. "It gratifies me to hear that. Now is the time for me again to bless this planet and all its living creatures. What are the best oracles nowadays?"
One of the dark priests pointed at the heroes. "There's a prophecy from a thousand years ago predicting these meddlers. That's the last one we have."
"How negligent. Now is the time for me to start up a new location. You're all hired."
Thus were oracular pronouncements returned to the world, and everyone made so much money they no longer wanted to destroy all humanity or break into houses to open treasure chests. Moreover, the god remembered to use some of that money to hire security in case anyone got mad about the predictions the way they did millennia earlier.
Finis
March 4, 2023
Be Careful With Names
Watch out for how your readers will interpret names. For instance, if your character Mandy Core doesn't turn into either a manticore or a giant space complex the heroic spaceship has to destroy, people will be disappointed. To fix this, have one of those two things happen.
March 3, 2023
Addendum
And make sure they take their shoes off frequently for cultural reasons! Or never wear them at all! Aaaaaaaahhh!
March 2, 2023
Attracting a Wider Audience
Be sure to describe the feet of all the characters in your story. Don't ask why. Just do it.
March 1, 2023
Innovation Station
Number your chapters backwards so the story counts down to the conclusion. This might not work very well if the last chapter is a summing up, what happened after kind of thing, though there's always Chapter 0 for those instances.
February 27, 2023
Subversion in Fantasy Settings
Everyone knows from that Yello song that the sun is even more beautiful than the moon, so suppose . . . What do you mean you've never heard any of the lyrics in that song besides "Oh yeah" and "Chikka chikka?" But, but, but, my fantasy idea!
I hope you all enjoyed that skit. The point is that in many cases, what you're trying to subverted has only ever been verted for some people in the first place. That means you have to proclaim how subversive it is if you want people to understand what a genius you are. Better yet, get other people to hammer that point for you. I can't tell you how often I've heard A Song of Ice and Fire praised for having the guts to kill characters unlike old fantasy; it's similar to the number of dead characters in older fantasy. Everything is marketing, and marketing doesn't make any sense.
I hope you all enjoyed that skit. The point is that in many cases, what you're trying to subverted has only ever been verted for some people in the first place. That means you have to proclaim how subversive it is if you want people to understand what a genius you are. Better yet, get other people to hammer that point for you. I can't tell you how often I've heard A Song of Ice and Fire praised for having the guts to kill characters unlike old fantasy; it's similar to the number of dead characters in older fantasy. Everything is marketing, and marketing doesn't make any sense.
February 26, 2023
Dragon Logistics
The general inspected the preparations and found them to be proceeding in good order. The palisade was up, the tents would soon join it, and the dragons were hauling in the engines required for the siege.
"General, I'm puzzled. Why do we have dragons do manual labor? Couldn't they take down the walls themselves?"
These brats from the elite families always asked dumb questions like that. So far the general had managed to preserve his patience in every such instance, which was the reason he had been able to become a general. "Yes. Then they claim the city for themselves. As it is, they don't even know what we're going to do with that mangonel, for instance." He pointed at a dragon who deposited that engine, accepted a copper bracelet as payment, and flew off.
"I get it now. That's why we have them digging the latrine, right?"
At least the brat was impressed with his own powers of extrapolation. The general was not. "Yes. They're excellent at it. Far better than my men."
"OK. I guess they're excellent doctors, too." The twerp looked at a dragon wearing a white coat who was struggling to set a bone without killing its owner.
"They're terrible at it, but you can't just look at that. A human would be much better, but that same human will be even more useful in the siege compared to a dragon. Something can be at a disadvantage in itself but still result in an advantage when you compare the optimum use for whatever is superior to it." Did the elites not teach their children economics? The general worried about the future of the country even if the siege were successful.
Finis
"General, I'm puzzled. Why do we have dragons do manual labor? Couldn't they take down the walls themselves?"
These brats from the elite families always asked dumb questions like that. So far the general had managed to preserve his patience in every such instance, which was the reason he had been able to become a general. "Yes. Then they claim the city for themselves. As it is, they don't even know what we're going to do with that mangonel, for instance." He pointed at a dragon who deposited that engine, accepted a copper bracelet as payment, and flew off.
"I get it now. That's why we have them digging the latrine, right?"
At least the brat was impressed with his own powers of extrapolation. The general was not. "Yes. They're excellent at it. Far better than my men."
"OK. I guess they're excellent doctors, too." The twerp looked at a dragon wearing a white coat who was struggling to set a bone without killing its owner.
"They're terrible at it, but you can't just look at that. A human would be much better, but that same human will be even more useful in the siege compared to a dragon. Something can be at a disadvantage in itself but still result in an advantage when you compare the optimum use for whatever is superior to it." Did the elites not teach their children economics? The general worried about the future of the country even if the siege were successful.
Finis
February 25, 2023
Addendum
Of course it's going to be the same guy in all of them. He's the best. Why would you want the second-best on your audiobook?
