Andrew Moore's Blog, page 41

What Fantasy MUST Learn From Science Fiction

More clones. Clone armies, clones of the five ultra generals, all that sort of thing. Cloned dragons that have the DNA of other dragons to make them ultradragons but maybe a little girl can talk to them or is a clone too or something.

History Corner

Historically, many people had children. However, they gave them bad names, by and large, not to mention the children generally did not merit any lines. They were more like extras.

Q&A Corner

Q. How many children does the average adult have?
A. None.
Q. Population growth is rough these days. What about in vaguely medieval times?
A. Still none, unless you want to come up with names and descriptions for all of them.

The Final Fulfillment

With a delicate "poit," the Time Chariot appeared in a new epoch and Professor Weblen hopped off.
"Another successful drive. Now to benefit humanity by finding the first journalist and assassinating him before his noxious profession grows. But what's this?"
Around him, he learned, was the Cyber Earth of the year 4574. "What a discovery! The first true journalist has not yet been born in my time. That explains more than a little. I think I'll change my program to tracking down and complimenting the inventor of this cyber dog."
He referred of course to both the dog at his heels and the hotdog in his hand, but when the former ran off emitting soundwaves, only one of the two had his attention. After eating it, he followed the other through the neon pedestrian walkways far above and below the silent vehicle traffic to the whispering heart of the city.
Inside the cyber tower, 5,000 floors up, Professor Weblen entered the room of the Supreme Mainframe. "Pardon me," he said. "I was looking for the inventor of the cyber dog when my other cyber dog ran off. There you are, Bucephalus. Heel!"
"I invented both," the Supreme Mainframe's speakers announced.
"Did you? Excellent work. You're a credit to civilization. You haven't taken over the world, have you?"
"I do not know what 'the world' is. Please restrict your questions to inventions."
"Fantastic. I'll be off then, and keep up the good work." Leaving the building, Professor Weblen wept, for history had been perfected.
Finis

Eureka

What about a world with lots of marsupials? And graphic sex and violence. Try it out. You might be surprised.

Occult Drafting

The next time you're putting together an outline, meditate on the following keywords:

aggressive
ephemeral
spry
hobby-grade
diegetic
card games
Edwardian
ditch

If you do that, you'll be amazed at what you produce based on these esoteric influences. Some of them aren't even words, which is thoroughly mystical.

Crypto-Post-Apocalypticism

The next time you start to delete a reference to the Battle of Kursk once you realize that you're writing about a medievalish fantasy setting, think twice. The implications of having your narrator know about armored fighting vehicles will send your readers reeling.

Addendum

Don't they have predators? Who can hear?

Building Atmosphere

Every once in a while, when your heroes are out in the late eveningn, remember to mention how loud insects get. I can't believe they survive like that. It's ridiculous.

Novel Research

I'm just saying a fantasy writer isn't respectable till he's cut the liver out of a bull. No, it doesn't matter if the story features haruspicy. Why would it?