Andrew Moore's Blog, page 15

The Curse of Traditional Knowledge

These days, if you ever say "larboard," people will presume you have a speech impediment. That can be handy sometimes, but be honest: You sometimes think those dullards need to be controlled by someone like you, don't you? Then, when you search for rebuttals, you realize there are none. Well, that's all true, but it's not as if you can do anything about it. Not till you level up a few times at least.

Cyclical Trends in Science Fiction

I used to think all science fiction of a certain age suffered from not having the internet in it, but now I think we might get tired of it pretty soon, what with all the bots and the viruses and the fetish-dodging and so forth.

Enigmas in Play

In a fantasy world somewhere, people are playing a board game. One of the pieces is a car. Nobody recognizes it as such. That's just what the piece looks like.

Addender

Gothic can just be kothic. We don't need to get complicated here.

Addendum

Wait, no, that's what you call quinine. How about the Ankwin style? That'll do it.

How to Discuss Architecture in Fantasy

Everybody only cares about Queen Anne, and if your setting has a Queen Anne, people probably built different stuff during her reign. What to do? Give it a fun fantasy label such as qui'nan. Blam!

Fearsome in Its Parts

A terrible creature ravaged the lands all around. All who saw it gave this description:
"The beast has the head of a dragon, the body of a wyrm, and the hindquarters of a drake!"
The greatest slayers of monsters converged on the kingdom and assayed to strike down the creature in response to the king's pleas (to say nothing of the rewards he promised). The search demanded skill and the battle unflagging courage, but they killed their quarry and presented it to the king before all his people, who objected.
"That is a fearsome creature, certainly, but it has the body of a drake."
"Does it?" the hunters wondered.
"It does," all agreed.
Confused but moved by kindliness and integrity, the slayers sallied forth again and brought down a beast that had the head of a drake, and one with the hindquarters of a dragon, and one that was a wyrm all the way through.
"I am beginning to question," one among them opined when away from the capital, "whether we are not being deceived."
"I have had the same thought," another concurred. "Looking at him, the king's body is not immune to weaponry, and while I have said nothing about it before now, I . . . What is that?"
They saw in flight far off a creature that was obvious in having the head of a dragon, the body of a wyrm, and the hindquarters of a drake, so much so that they marveled they had ever made any mistake about it. Soon they freed the kingdom from its worry.
Finis

Monster Q&A Corner

Q. Why are centaurs partly human?
A. The human ones killed all the goblin ones. Don't feel too bad for them, though. They took out the lizard ones first.
Q. Why are manticores seldom depicted with human faces?
A. Because it looks dumb. God Emperor of Dune is a similar case.
Q. Aren't most manticores in fiction really just chimeras?
A. Hold on, let's not pass over "in fiction." Or "really." Tell us what you know.
Q. Gotta go!

On Colors

Doesn't chartreuse sound like it should be some type of pink? Be honest.

Addendum

Or is the counterweight somewhere else, such as the caboose or the calves? I'm no Linnaeustician, but thinking about it logically, they probably produce gold internally that either rests in deposits or circulates constantly while the unicorn is alive. Now that we have the theory, empiricism informs us of our next step.