Andrew Moore's Blog, page 144
October 10, 2021
The Death of Fashion
Fashion has a graveyard? They told me good fashion has an expiration date but bad fashion lives forever, but residents of Highgreen say that isn't so. The tale they tell is that a tombstone there changes its inscription without human agency to the next fad to die. Unbelievable? I went to check it out anyway, because while I don't always believe it, Calp the fashion investigator always solves it!
Highgreen has been higher and greener, according to the fellows whose hats at least looked to have been founding members of the community. A village was built atop a hill long ago, but it grew like the size of collars in the last three years so that now it covers a few hills and all the lands between. I suggested they call it Lowbrown instead after the color of the bricks used in later developments. They told me it usually took about thirty years of living there to start making that joke, and then we were friends. We exchanged the gift of knowledge, from them the location of the famous tombstone and from me some tips they swore to implement if they ever wanted to recreate a scene from the infernal depths. Sounds like a hell of a weekend to me!
I won't tell you their names because I'm the jealous type when it comes to friendship, but I will tell you about the path to the tombstone. Once it was outside of town if my information was correct. These days it's on the edge of a park where rich children walk their nannies and young men without invitations display their plumage. Bushes obscure the small tomb from common view, which increases the treasure tingles but compels me to say this here: When your old friend Calp dies, make sure everybody knows!
I brushed aside the foliage and stepped in, and there I found true horror. The name on the tombstone was "Shoes with False Toes That Make the Wearer Appear Hooved." Those are my favorite! Or they were. Anyone who tries to claim I ever liked them is in for a one, and a two, and a quick apology over my shoulder as I run as fast as I can, which will be faster without these hoof shoes. That confirmed the message, but was it from beyond? There was only one way to find out. I stayed in Highgreen for a week, reading reviewers turning against hooves and trading jaw bombs with my new friends. That was when you could see me, but I was still around when you couldn't, keeping an eye on the tombstone. A waste of time and money? My boss thought so. That the pursuit of truth is always rewarded is the only excuse I can offer.
One day I saw from my arboreal perch a man creep in with tools and intent. I watched him resurface the tombstone, take a break, eat a nice meal, read a slim volume of poetry, and start etching a new name.
"I have you now!" I yelled as I scrambled down the tree, and if you take nothing else from this article, I can tell you it was an easier task without my favorite shoes than with.
"So you have," he said, and nearly startled me all the way back up. Who was it but the legendary Mayor Tneln! I only knew him as the mayor of fashion, but it turned out he was the mayor of Highgreen as well. He had retired from the criticism racket to leave it to a younger set, but did that stop him from making a pronouncement or two from the impenetrable anonymity of a supernatural occurrence when the cat scratched his spine? Not a chance!
I can't blame him, but I sure can expose him, because I solved it again. Till next time, leave the lowest button alone. I will, and I'm Calp, the fashion investigator.
Finis
Highgreen has been higher and greener, according to the fellows whose hats at least looked to have been founding members of the community. A village was built atop a hill long ago, but it grew like the size of collars in the last three years so that now it covers a few hills and all the lands between. I suggested they call it Lowbrown instead after the color of the bricks used in later developments. They told me it usually took about thirty years of living there to start making that joke, and then we were friends. We exchanged the gift of knowledge, from them the location of the famous tombstone and from me some tips they swore to implement if they ever wanted to recreate a scene from the infernal depths. Sounds like a hell of a weekend to me!
I won't tell you their names because I'm the jealous type when it comes to friendship, but I will tell you about the path to the tombstone. Once it was outside of town if my information was correct. These days it's on the edge of a park where rich children walk their nannies and young men without invitations display their plumage. Bushes obscure the small tomb from common view, which increases the treasure tingles but compels me to say this here: When your old friend Calp dies, make sure everybody knows!
I brushed aside the foliage and stepped in, and there I found true horror. The name on the tombstone was "Shoes with False Toes That Make the Wearer Appear Hooved." Those are my favorite! Or they were. Anyone who tries to claim I ever liked them is in for a one, and a two, and a quick apology over my shoulder as I run as fast as I can, which will be faster without these hoof shoes. That confirmed the message, but was it from beyond? There was only one way to find out. I stayed in Highgreen for a week, reading reviewers turning against hooves and trading jaw bombs with my new friends. That was when you could see me, but I was still around when you couldn't, keeping an eye on the tombstone. A waste of time and money? My boss thought so. That the pursuit of truth is always rewarded is the only excuse I can offer.
One day I saw from my arboreal perch a man creep in with tools and intent. I watched him resurface the tombstone, take a break, eat a nice meal, read a slim volume of poetry, and start etching a new name.
"I have you now!" I yelled as I scrambled down the tree, and if you take nothing else from this article, I can tell you it was an easier task without my favorite shoes than with.
"So you have," he said, and nearly startled me all the way back up. Who was it but the legendary Mayor Tneln! I only knew him as the mayor of fashion, but it turned out he was the mayor of Highgreen as well. He had retired from the criticism racket to leave it to a younger set, but did that stop him from making a pronouncement or two from the impenetrable anonymity of a supernatural occurrence when the cat scratched his spine? Not a chance!
I can't blame him, but I sure can expose him, because I solved it again. Till next time, leave the lowest button alone. I will, and I'm Calp, the fashion investigator.
Finis
October 9, 2021
Mythological Q&A
Q. Would setting the story of the Argo in space make it more exciting?
A. No. Cut that out.
A. No. Cut that out.
October 8, 2021
Euphony
Argo is a boring name for a ship, too. They should have named it Essex or Iowa.
Just Between Us
Not to ruffle any feathers, but isn't the voyage of the Argo pretty boring? The Argonauts mostly don't do anything, especially in Colchis. Medea can solve any problem with no effort whatsoever.
October 6, 2021
The Death of Science Fiction
Aang but no Jimmy Neutron. We don't believe in the future anymore.
A Lament for the Old Days
Keyblades? Opening the doors of the heart? What about real blades and opening up the non-metaphorical heart? And why do those shoes have to be so big? Bunions?
October 5, 2021
The State of Society
Why are all these people smashing their brothers when they should be reading fantasy and science fiction? I just don't get it!
October 4, 2021
The Qualifications of Monarchy
"Once, the country suffered defeat in the north, in the south, the west, and on the sea. The people wondered, what was the reason for their ceaseless defeats? Was it their courage that was lacking? The quality of their arms? The favor of the gods?
"'The difference is this,' one of the captains of the people told them. 'Our neighbors select a single head for their body, a man surpassing the rest in excellence who prepares them in peace and manages them in war. They call these men kings. We can never overcome them as long as our captains dispute with one another and follow various counsels.'
"The people went to the richest man among them, and therefore the wisest, and asked for his help. 'Choose for us a man to prepare us in peace and manage us in war. Raise up a king, so we will lose no more. You would be our choice were you not so old, but point out who is second-best.' The rich man thought and pondered and considered, and at last he chose a man.
"The people were puzzled when he told them his choice. 'That man cannot be said to surpass the rest in excellence. He cannot be called second-best. Why have you chosen for us this man who is not tall, not rich, not handsome, not witty, not brave, and not charming? What makes this man a king?'
"The rich man told them, 'Your king will hold all power in his hands. He will collect revenues such as no one of you could earn. His relatives will rise to high positions, however little they deserve it. You will bow to him and flatter him and follow his commands. And you say he should be better than you as well? Nonsense! Envy would destroy you as surely as our enemies. I give you this man that you might look down on him whom you raise up. In no other way will you be able to bear his rule.'
"The people did as he said and reversed their fortunes. They defeated all their neighbors and extracted tribute from them. All their affairs prospered. From that time we learned always to revere the authority of the king if not his person and never, ever think of rebelling no matter how weak or incompetent he appears. Then least of all."
"Wow, thanks for the story, Mr. Royal Archivist! And thanks to the king for being the king even though he's terrible at it! Long live the king!"
"It was my pleasure, kids. I'll pass your kind wishes on to my uncle the next time I see him."
Finis
"'The difference is this,' one of the captains of the people told them. 'Our neighbors select a single head for their body, a man surpassing the rest in excellence who prepares them in peace and manages them in war. They call these men kings. We can never overcome them as long as our captains dispute with one another and follow various counsels.'
"The people went to the richest man among them, and therefore the wisest, and asked for his help. 'Choose for us a man to prepare us in peace and manage us in war. Raise up a king, so we will lose no more. You would be our choice were you not so old, but point out who is second-best.' The rich man thought and pondered and considered, and at last he chose a man.
"The people were puzzled when he told them his choice. 'That man cannot be said to surpass the rest in excellence. He cannot be called second-best. Why have you chosen for us this man who is not tall, not rich, not handsome, not witty, not brave, and not charming? What makes this man a king?'
"The rich man told them, 'Your king will hold all power in his hands. He will collect revenues such as no one of you could earn. His relatives will rise to high positions, however little they deserve it. You will bow to him and flatter him and follow his commands. And you say he should be better than you as well? Nonsense! Envy would destroy you as surely as our enemies. I give you this man that you might look down on him whom you raise up. In no other way will you be able to bear his rule.'
"The people did as he said and reversed their fortunes. They defeated all their neighbors and extracted tribute from them. All their affairs prospered. From that time we learned always to revere the authority of the king if not his person and never, ever think of rebelling no matter how weak or incompetent he appears. Then least of all."
"Wow, thanks for the story, Mr. Royal Archivist! And thanks to the king for being the king even though he's terrible at it! Long live the king!"
"It was my pleasure, kids. I'll pass your kind wishes on to my uncle the next time I see him."
Finis
October 2, 2021
Addendum
I don't get the title though. Dawn isn't even that cool a word. Susurrus of Ys.
October 1, 2021
Thoughts on Ys IV Dawn of Ys
Spoilers!
Not only is Dawn of Ys better than Mask of the Sun, it's better than the earlier and the next Ys game to the extent that I start to wonder if maybe Falcom stunk.
HP regeneration is too slow for the higher levels. MP regeneration is too slow, but only if you make multiple stops with Warp. Warp should be free.
It's a bit of a problem that in boss fights you don't know if you can or cannot use magic before you go in them. Still, it isn't as bad as it could be since dying puts you right outside and skips the cutscene.
Putting a generic evil dude in at the end makes your story better? Strange but true. The motivations of the villains are clearer in this than in Mask of the Sun because of it.
Exciting music, wild bosses, reasonably personable characters even if Karna doesn't really do anything in either version, dungeon variety (straightforward or twisty, plain or puzzley, dense or sparse enemies, flat or vertical). The experience gives a real sense of adventure.
There's a sense of place, too. It still has inexplicable dungeon layouts, but the way dungeons relate such as the one becoming a tower later, as well as the relative sanity of the evil empire's castle make you feel like you're going places instead of running on a treadmill while a fire background and an ice background are rotated behind you.
Freeze magic doesn't really have much of a purpose. Half the spells don't, really. You only use Shield when the boss is immune to magic, and Seeker simply replaces the mask.
what do the Ruby and Necklace do? Two shops sell those. One's a secret shop. And the other gems. What's the deal?
Ys IV Dawn of Ys is a fantastic game. I give it my Ysiest rating: Ten Dogis through ten walls.
Not only is Dawn of Ys better than Mask of the Sun, it's better than the earlier and the next Ys game to the extent that I start to wonder if maybe Falcom stunk.
HP regeneration is too slow for the higher levels. MP regeneration is too slow, but only if you make multiple stops with Warp. Warp should be free.
It's a bit of a problem that in boss fights you don't know if you can or cannot use magic before you go in them. Still, it isn't as bad as it could be since dying puts you right outside and skips the cutscene.
Putting a generic evil dude in at the end makes your story better? Strange but true. The motivations of the villains are clearer in this than in Mask of the Sun because of it.
Exciting music, wild bosses, reasonably personable characters even if Karna doesn't really do anything in either version, dungeon variety (straightforward or twisty, plain or puzzley, dense or sparse enemies, flat or vertical). The experience gives a real sense of adventure.
There's a sense of place, too. It still has inexplicable dungeon layouts, but the way dungeons relate such as the one becoming a tower later, as well as the relative sanity of the evil empire's castle make you feel like you're going places instead of running on a treadmill while a fire background and an ice background are rotated behind you.
Freeze magic doesn't really have much of a purpose. Half the spells don't, really. You only use Shield when the boss is immune to magic, and Seeker simply replaces the mask.
what do the Ruby and Necklace do? Two shops sell those. One's a secret shop. And the other gems. What's the deal?
Ys IV Dawn of Ys is a fantastic game. I give it my Ysiest rating: Ten Dogis through ten walls.
