Andrew Moore's Blog, page 107
October 24, 2022
An Exalted Lineage
"'For a small fee, our experts will tell you if the bloodline of any dragons, elementals, or deified heroes runs through your veins.' A small fee to start with, and another, and another, and another! Haven't you had enough?"
The representative smiled. "Why, sir, this is simply a second service we offer. You are perfectly free not to take advantage of it, of course. Our inclination is toward the unrestricted circulation of information, but we understand some of our customers lean toward privacy."
"Right. I like privacy. That's the sole reason I don't want to have you bruit the bloodline your experts claim to have detected." "'Claim to?' Sir, if you wish to consult another service, I'm sure their experts will support . . ."
"I do love paying two scandal-mongers, but I'm cutting back on my decadence."
"To tell the truth, sir, I'm envious. If only I were descended from the deified hero Povennius."
"I'm sure you'd enjoy it."
"The one who, at the battle of Ledaliae, famously . . ."
"I know what he did! Everyone knows what he did! Here's your money!"
"Thank you, sir. I look forward to continuing this conversation next month."
Finis
The representative smiled. "Why, sir, this is simply a second service we offer. You are perfectly free not to take advantage of it, of course. Our inclination is toward the unrestricted circulation of information, but we understand some of our customers lean toward privacy."
"Right. I like privacy. That's the sole reason I don't want to have you bruit the bloodline your experts claim to have detected." "'Claim to?' Sir, if you wish to consult another service, I'm sure their experts will support . . ."
"I do love paying two scandal-mongers, but I'm cutting back on my decadence."
"To tell the truth, sir, I'm envious. If only I were descended from the deified hero Povennius."
"I'm sure you'd enjoy it."
"The one who, at the battle of Ledaliae, famously . . ."
"I know what he did! Everyone knows what he did! Here's your money!"
"Thank you, sir. I look forward to continuing this conversation next month."
Finis
October 23, 2022
Worldbuilding Reminder
Don't forget the graffiti! Setting and genre don't matter here. Just put it in.
October 22, 2022
Great Opportunities
If you're remaking Resident Evil games, make sure to put dinosaurs in it, or else people will expect you to remake the Dino Crisis series someday. Nobody wants that.
October 21, 2022
Addendum
"I can't wait for our technicians to replicate the ancient technology so archeology can be cool again." - Archeologist who will never be cool.
October 20, 2022
Fantasy Archeology
Suppose there's some precursor civilization that left artifacts of irreplaceable might. Would that make archeology a higher or lower status occupation? Probably lower. Nothing's cruder than practicality.
October 19, 2022
Top 5 Jobs Better Than Master of an Arcane Technique
5. Bodyguard
4. Circus performer
3. Captain of the royal guard
2. Fist King
1. Rough and tumble archeologist
4. Circus performer
3. Captain of the royal guard
2. Fist King
1. Rough and tumble archeologist
October 17, 2022
Speaking of Successors
Have you ever seen a story where somebody's mad about being passed over for succession by the master and thought that dude had a point? But then again, it's often unclear why people want to succeed in the first place. The master never seems to be having a fun time. Get off that mountain and become a bodyguard or something.
October 16, 2022
What Life Is Worth
The man walked into the hall, uninvited, unforeseen, and unchallenged by the servants who fled his terrible look and angry blade. He walked toward Froeri son of Oesti and said this. "I am Naul son of Naud. I say that you killed that man my father. What do you say then?"
Froeri, when he spoke, was never judged poor at it. He spoke then in this way. "I admit that I did, that you are his son, and that I owe a price. Here is my offer." He emptied the cup before him, and a large cup it was. He reached behind his seat then into a chest and filled that cup up, three handfuls it took till gold spilled from it. "Well?"
Naul stepped forward to accept the weregild, but Froeri drew it back. "But wait." The master of the hall gestured, and the servants carried in a great board that when set on its side became a wall that had three closed doors in it, too small for men. Froeri grabbed two more cups and filled the both of them with what he took from a different chest, which was copper. He went behind the little wall with it between him and the man Naul. After some little time, he came out again.
"Whether I owe the bigger price or the smaller, we will decide this way. Do you pick which door to open, and that cup behind it is yours."
Naul thought on that and prayed to the gods that favored his family and the laws. "That," he said, and pointed to the middle door. A servant, one who had run and became after that eager to please his master, walked toward it, but stopped when Froeri held up his hand. "First, open that one." The servant did as he bade. The leftmost door had behind it a copper-bearing cup. "See that? Now I give you this choice. Either order the creature to open the middle door, or else change your mind and your luck by picking the right instead."
Again Naul prayed, that time to whatever gods of wisdom and cunning he knew, and this was his answer. "Why not kill you and take all three?"
"The rightmost one."
Naul nodded and took the greater price alone.
"None of these men like sport and wit," Froeri complained.
"You did kill all their fathers."
"Who spoke just now? Where is the villain?" That, he never learned.
Finis
Froeri, when he spoke, was never judged poor at it. He spoke then in this way. "I admit that I did, that you are his son, and that I owe a price. Here is my offer." He emptied the cup before him, and a large cup it was. He reached behind his seat then into a chest and filled that cup up, three handfuls it took till gold spilled from it. "Well?"
Naul stepped forward to accept the weregild, but Froeri drew it back. "But wait." The master of the hall gestured, and the servants carried in a great board that when set on its side became a wall that had three closed doors in it, too small for men. Froeri grabbed two more cups and filled the both of them with what he took from a different chest, which was copper. He went behind the little wall with it between him and the man Naul. After some little time, he came out again.
"Whether I owe the bigger price or the smaller, we will decide this way. Do you pick which door to open, and that cup behind it is yours."
Naul thought on that and prayed to the gods that favored his family and the laws. "That," he said, and pointed to the middle door. A servant, one who had run and became after that eager to please his master, walked toward it, but stopped when Froeri held up his hand. "First, open that one." The servant did as he bade. The leftmost door had behind it a copper-bearing cup. "See that? Now I give you this choice. Either order the creature to open the middle door, or else change your mind and your luck by picking the right instead."
Again Naul prayed, that time to whatever gods of wisdom and cunning he knew, and this was his answer. "Why not kill you and take all three?"
"The rightmost one."
Naul nodded and took the greater price alone.
"None of these men like sport and wit," Froeri complained.
"You did kill all their fathers."
"Who spoke just now? Where is the villain?" That, he never learned.
Finis
October 15, 2022
As to the Adaptation
The proper genre for a Licence to Kill videogame is a rail shooter.
October 14, 2022
James Bond Power Ranking
Now that everybody's watched every single James Bond movie, it's time to get together and disagree about them. Here we go!
1. The Living Daylights
2. Goldfinger
3. Tomorrow Never Dies
4. Never Say Never Again
5. The Spy Who Loved Me
6. Goldeneye
7. Dr. No
8. You Only Live Twice
9. For Your Eyes Only
10. Moonraker
11. From Russia With Love
12. The Man with the Golden Gun
13. The World Is Not Enough
14. Licence to Kill
15. Casino Royale (1954)
16. Diamonds Are Forever
17. Thunderball
18. A View to a Kill
19. Die Another Day
20. Casino Royale (2006)
21. Octopussy
22. Live and Let Die
23. No Time to Die
24. Quantum of Solace
25. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
26. Casino Royale (1967)
27. Spectre
So what can we learn from this exercise? Nothing. No two people have the same list anyway. Or if they do, one was sent to replace the other as part of some plot. So that's the one thing to take away. Invite your friends to make their lists, and if any is the same, well, most likely you're a deep-cover agent brainwashed to forget that till the trigger phrase is said.
1. The Living Daylights
2. Goldfinger
3. Tomorrow Never Dies
4. Never Say Never Again
5. The Spy Who Loved Me
6. Goldeneye
7. Dr. No
8. You Only Live Twice
9. For Your Eyes Only
10. Moonraker
11. From Russia With Love
12. The Man with the Golden Gun
13. The World Is Not Enough
14. Licence to Kill
15. Casino Royale (1954)
16. Diamonds Are Forever
17. Thunderball
18. A View to a Kill
19. Die Another Day
20. Casino Royale (2006)
21. Octopussy
22. Live and Let Die
23. No Time to Die
24. Quantum of Solace
25. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
26. Casino Royale (1967)
27. Spectre
So what can we learn from this exercise? Nothing. No two people have the same list anyway. Or if they do, one was sent to replace the other as part of some plot. So that's the one thing to take away. Invite your friends to make their lists, and if any is the same, well, most likely you're a deep-cover agent brainwashed to forget that till the trigger phrase is said.
