Sian Vidak's Blog
March 11, 2021
International Women’s Day
Celebrating International Women’s Day seemed so poignant this year, as it was the anniversary of my Grandmother's death.
I was brought up with a family of strong women, I have no doubt their influence has shaped me as a mother, a wife, and a daughter. They all had their own stories, their demons, and their achievements; these combined make them courageous, special, and loved by me.
When I say I “have nine children, and they're home educated”, I get looks of, “What?” Usually followed by a torrent of praise, and the questions, “How do you do it? I can't cope with x amount of children.” Or, “Wow! You must be like superwoman."
I'm just living my life, to the best of my ability, and as sensitively as I can, in this ever-changing world, learning a little more day by day; raising another generation to be custodians of this Earth. I learnt very early on, we are all on borrowed time, tomorrow isn't promised.
I also learned, a long time ago, as I decided to break the status quo, refusing to fit in anyone else’s ideologies, other than my own, that womanhood comes in many guises; that without respecting a person's life choices, and learning about their journey, asking questions to understand, and being accepting of diversity, then we cannot actually thrive as woman. If we do not have mutual respect for one another, how can we expect to grow, to expand?
My Nanny was just amazing, kind and loving. She was so talented at embroidery, and I miss her cooking very much. Her roasts, my oh my. We would bicker over her pasties, as we all wanted more. I learnt so much from her, she was fierce, and never afraid. I also saw her become a shell, something I never understood until I became a mother. I watched her lose part of her being when, as a 70-something, she watched her son die. She is iconic in our family. Knowing of the strong woman who raised her, I'm not surprised.
My Aunty Lorraine: anyone who knows her, knows exactly what a whirlwind she is, that she has this ferocity and love like no other. She's had rubbish times, like most people, but she gets back up, dusts herself off, and starts again. She is a survivor. She doesn't tolerate fools, and will never hold back. All out honesty, she never beats around the bush, as she shouts LOUDLY. She'll do anything for anybody, and has accomplished so much in the local community, that she makes me proud.
She has always been part of my day to day life, helping raise me (that's why I'm loud), and she's been there to help raise every one of my children. They are so very lucky to have Aunty. This last year we have all felt someone missing and it was her.
My daughters: four determined, unique, individuals; just ask their brothers how forthright and fierce they are. They are growing up into beautiful, independent, young women, and the little two have incredible examples in their bigger sisters. You drive me scatty, give me sleepless nights, but most of all you make me proud, every single day. God help any man who is honoured to be part of your life, with the strong characters you all are, and with the influences you have guiding you.
I'm so very privileged to have these women in my life, and so overwhelmed, in the most positive way, to be the mother of four girls.
There is one special woman in my life, who, in the last year, has most definitely transformed into a beautiful soul, on their journey of self discovery. She's like a butterfly who's been set free. Kay, I am so privileged you have let me be part of your adventure, and I adore how brave you are. Every day I feel we grow a little more together, and I stand by you with love and admiration.
For the women before me, the women who stand with me, and the next generation of women.
I was brought up with a family of strong women, I have no doubt their influence has shaped me as a mother, a wife, and a daughter. They all had their own stories, their demons, and their achievements; these combined make them courageous, special, and loved by me.
When I say I “have nine children, and they're home educated”, I get looks of, “What?” Usually followed by a torrent of praise, and the questions, “How do you do it? I can't cope with x amount of children.” Or, “Wow! You must be like superwoman."
I'm just living my life, to the best of my ability, and as sensitively as I can, in this ever-changing world, learning a little more day by day; raising another generation to be custodians of this Earth. I learnt very early on, we are all on borrowed time, tomorrow isn't promised.
I also learned, a long time ago, as I decided to break the status quo, refusing to fit in anyone else’s ideologies, other than my own, that womanhood comes in many guises; that without respecting a person's life choices, and learning about their journey, asking questions to understand, and being accepting of diversity, then we cannot actually thrive as woman. If we do not have mutual respect for one another, how can we expect to grow, to expand?
My Nanny was just amazing, kind and loving. She was so talented at embroidery, and I miss her cooking very much. Her roasts, my oh my. We would bicker over her pasties, as we all wanted more. I learnt so much from her, she was fierce, and never afraid. I also saw her become a shell, something I never understood until I became a mother. I watched her lose part of her being when, as a 70-something, she watched her son die. She is iconic in our family. Knowing of the strong woman who raised her, I'm not surprised.
My Aunty Lorraine: anyone who knows her, knows exactly what a whirlwind she is, that she has this ferocity and love like no other. She's had rubbish times, like most people, but she gets back up, dusts herself off, and starts again. She is a survivor. She doesn't tolerate fools, and will never hold back. All out honesty, she never beats around the bush, as she shouts LOUDLY. She'll do anything for anybody, and has accomplished so much in the local community, that she makes me proud.
She has always been part of my day to day life, helping raise me (that's why I'm loud), and she's been there to help raise every one of my children. They are so very lucky to have Aunty. This last year we have all felt someone missing and it was her.
My daughters: four determined, unique, individuals; just ask their brothers how forthright and fierce they are. They are growing up into beautiful, independent, young women, and the little two have incredible examples in their bigger sisters. You drive me scatty, give me sleepless nights, but most of all you make me proud, every single day. God help any man who is honoured to be part of your life, with the strong characters you all are, and with the influences you have guiding you.
I'm so very privileged to have these women in my life, and so overwhelmed, in the most positive way, to be the mother of four girls.
There is one special woman in my life, who, in the last year, has most definitely transformed into a beautiful soul, on their journey of self discovery. She's like a butterfly who's been set free. Kay, I am so privileged you have let me be part of your adventure, and I adore how brave you are. Every day I feel we grow a little more together, and I stand by you with love and admiration.
For the women before me, the women who stand with me, and the next generation of women.
March 2, 2021
Ohana
Being a parent isn’t easy. Where’s the manual…? It’s a hard and thankless task, but the most rewarding too. Then you decide to marry a man and take on his two children, who live with you both… and then you decide to add a few more, just for the love of it. Some days, I desperately wish I could reset, like Buzz Lightyear, and find Spanish mode, that looks like so much fun. Escapism!
Would I truly change a minute of it? Hell NO. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worthy. It wouldn’t be a privilege or honour, because I wouldn’t fully understand the meaning, the good, the bad, and all that’s in between. Some days break you, others build you. With your own children, you grow together from the beginning; step-children are pre-evolved, but they offer something completely different. It’s a different type of heartache, and worry, with the sleepless nights. It’s a different challenge, slowly as the barriers come down, and you build those bonds, those foundations, you can nurture something spectacular. You learn to love, you choose to love, and that makes it even more extraordinary.
Below, are two homages I pay, to the shy little boy I met nearly a decade ago, as he transforms into a courageous young man this week:
~~~~~
Stefan and I are thrilled to announce, our eldest has passed out of AFC Harrogate. He is now progressing his career in the British Army.
Tomas, I may not be you biological mother, but I am so proud to be your mum right now! It has been an absolute honour and privilege to be on this journey with you. From the first day at the Army Careers Office, the Assessment Centre at Pirbright, to getting the call of acceptance.
Leaving you behind, at AFC Harrogate last year, was so very... everything! At barely 16 yrs old, you had this immense courage to go and capture your future, and we stand here today, celebrating everything YOU have worked so hard for.
You're an amazing big brother, and shining example. Always know you will have a home and your family here, waiting for you, with unconditional love and support.
I can't describe what the 18.02.2021 has meant. You have grown so much from that shy little boy I once met, you're a million miles away from there now, as you return home a man.
We may not be able to celebrate as we planned, with the golden oldies, but know the "fab 4" have been behind you every step of the way, always wanting to know how you are, and what you're up to. They've been cheering you on from the start, as have all our close family.
We are so very proud of you, that you are willing to give up "normality", making a sacrifice, so that your friends and family can sleep safely at night.
Always be as courageous as you are right now.
With love now and forever.
Mum and Dad.
-X-
~~~~~
Well, it's been a journey so far... From cadet to Private Vidak. Oh my boy! Though you're not a boy any longer, it's so hard to believe we have a grown up son! When I met you, many, many, years ago, as little boy, I chose to love you, and you made it pretty easy, most of the time. It hasn't been a walk in the park; it's been bloody hard work some days. We've had days where we would barely say two words to each other. It's hard enough being a parent, but being a step-parent is even harder. There's no manual!
But those days are behind us. Now I have sleepless nights because of the job you do, and the dread of how much money you want next. I know the journey ahead won’t be easy at times, but something I learned very early on this road... it's family all the way. It's standing in the freezing cold, all of us together, watching a parade. Taking those family trips to Bovington. And the random visits I arrange... tea and biscuits. Everything is Family! Sorry, you're stuck with us! Now, as I hear you shout "Lizard" at your siblings, for the umpteenth time today, it makes me smile. It's family, it's us.
I'm so proud of everything you've become! Thank you for letting me be your mum. It's been a privilege and honour so far, and will continue to be. I don't think I can ever stop telling the world right now... The poor lady in Tesco got her ear chewed off on Tuesday.
~~~~~
It’s simple, “Ohana”.
Would I truly change a minute of it? Hell NO. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worthy. It wouldn’t be a privilege or honour, because I wouldn’t fully understand the meaning, the good, the bad, and all that’s in between. Some days break you, others build you. With your own children, you grow together from the beginning; step-children are pre-evolved, but they offer something completely different. It’s a different type of heartache, and worry, with the sleepless nights. It’s a different challenge, slowly as the barriers come down, and you build those bonds, those foundations, you can nurture something spectacular. You learn to love, you choose to love, and that makes it even more extraordinary.
Below, are two homages I pay, to the shy little boy I met nearly a decade ago, as he transforms into a courageous young man this week:
~~~~~
Stefan and I are thrilled to announce, our eldest has passed out of AFC Harrogate. He is now progressing his career in the British Army.
Tomas, I may not be you biological mother, but I am so proud to be your mum right now! It has been an absolute honour and privilege to be on this journey with you. From the first day at the Army Careers Office, the Assessment Centre at Pirbright, to getting the call of acceptance.
Leaving you behind, at AFC Harrogate last year, was so very... everything! At barely 16 yrs old, you had this immense courage to go and capture your future, and we stand here today, celebrating everything YOU have worked so hard for.
You're an amazing big brother, and shining example. Always know you will have a home and your family here, waiting for you, with unconditional love and support.
I can't describe what the 18.02.2021 has meant. You have grown so much from that shy little boy I once met, you're a million miles away from there now, as you return home a man.
We may not be able to celebrate as we planned, with the golden oldies, but know the "fab 4" have been behind you every step of the way, always wanting to know how you are, and what you're up to. They've been cheering you on from the start, as have all our close family.
We are so very proud of you, that you are willing to give up "normality", making a sacrifice, so that your friends and family can sleep safely at night.
Always be as courageous as you are right now.
With love now and forever.
Mum and Dad.
-X-
~~~~~
Well, it's been a journey so far... From cadet to Private Vidak. Oh my boy! Though you're not a boy any longer, it's so hard to believe we have a grown up son! When I met you, many, many, years ago, as little boy, I chose to love you, and you made it pretty easy, most of the time. It hasn't been a walk in the park; it's been bloody hard work some days. We've had days where we would barely say two words to each other. It's hard enough being a parent, but being a step-parent is even harder. There's no manual!
But those days are behind us. Now I have sleepless nights because of the job you do, and the dread of how much money you want next. I know the journey ahead won’t be easy at times, but something I learned very early on this road... it's family all the way. It's standing in the freezing cold, all of us together, watching a parade. Taking those family trips to Bovington. And the random visits I arrange... tea and biscuits. Everything is Family! Sorry, you're stuck with us! Now, as I hear you shout "Lizard" at your siblings, for the umpteenth time today, it makes me smile. It's family, it's us.
I'm so proud of everything you've become! Thank you for letting me be your mum. It's been a privilege and honour so far, and will continue to be. I don't think I can ever stop telling the world right now... The poor lady in Tesco got her ear chewed off on Tuesday.
~~~~~
It’s simple, “Ohana”.
February 15, 2021
Releasing a debut novel in lockdown… how typically me!
2020/2021; well, what a year that was. I was very blessed to be surrounded by all the usual chaos, and incredibly fortunate that our day-to-day didn’t really get turned upside-down. I feel blessed that life could continue, and we managed not to be derailed. With so many children, you learn to adapt and survive with no notice, that’s us, just carrying on.
Don’t get me wrong. I had many negative days, and plenty of tantrums. There he was, just listening, saying nothing, lovingly stood by the kettle, because a good brew solves everything. I’m not an easy person to live with, highly strung, eccentric in my desires and needs, overly creative, and overly emotional. He is, luckily for me, a very forgiving husband.
Launching a book in lockdown has been really hard, it’s also been hugely positive, as I’ve met new people, and made new connections. I’ve felt like a bad mum, like I haven’t been there for the children, or I’ve been neglecting them, and their immediate environment. It’s all for them, and a better future; I have to take that with me on the rough days. Again, luckily for me, they’re a forgiving type, nothing a cwtch and story can’t solve. It’s been a journey for me, it’s been an adventure for them; and now they’re cheering me on with the second book. How lucky am I, to have such supportive children? Even as I type, I am reminded how fortunate I am, as my adult child bought me this laptop; I had been typing on a knackered old number, I guess he saw the potential. They make me so proud and scared, in equal measure, to be their mum.
I’m very close to my parents and my aunty, they are a massive part of my day-to-day life, and, as much as they drive me scatty, I miss them. I miss the fact that my parents weren’t able to be part of this adventure, as they rolled their eyes, in the usual despair they have for me, and the look of, ‘What are you doing now?’ They found out about the book literally as it launched, because they aren’t on social media, they missed the lead up, and, as much as my aunty could narrate what was going on, there was just such a lack of involvement. The lack of physical contact, to sit and show them, just being with them in the same room, a good brew, and cake. It’s been slightly heartbreaking, I’m an emotional sort, and my family is everything, being an only child kind of made me a particular type of irrational.
I’ve had fantastic reviews and great support; I have been embraced into old school societies, and made great new connections, connections that will, one day, get affirmed, when we get to be ‘normal’ once more. I have nine amazing achievements in my life, they make me a woman, a wife, a mother. It’s been a hard journey to get to today. There’s been plenty of heartache, plenty of times I’ve been unfair, and more occasions than I care to admit, that I’ve disappointed my family. But, to hear my dad say he’s proud of me, for the first time in, what feels like, many, many long years, makes me feel like his daughter once more.
Don’t get me wrong. I had many negative days, and plenty of tantrums. There he was, just listening, saying nothing, lovingly stood by the kettle, because a good brew solves everything. I’m not an easy person to live with, highly strung, eccentric in my desires and needs, overly creative, and overly emotional. He is, luckily for me, a very forgiving husband.
Launching a book in lockdown has been really hard, it’s also been hugely positive, as I’ve met new people, and made new connections. I’ve felt like a bad mum, like I haven’t been there for the children, or I’ve been neglecting them, and their immediate environment. It’s all for them, and a better future; I have to take that with me on the rough days. Again, luckily for me, they’re a forgiving type, nothing a cwtch and story can’t solve. It’s been a journey for me, it’s been an adventure for them; and now they’re cheering me on with the second book. How lucky am I, to have such supportive children? Even as I type, I am reminded how fortunate I am, as my adult child bought me this laptop; I had been typing on a knackered old number, I guess he saw the potential. They make me so proud and scared, in equal measure, to be their mum.
I’m very close to my parents and my aunty, they are a massive part of my day-to-day life, and, as much as they drive me scatty, I miss them. I miss the fact that my parents weren’t able to be part of this adventure, as they rolled their eyes, in the usual despair they have for me, and the look of, ‘What are you doing now?’ They found out about the book literally as it launched, because they aren’t on social media, they missed the lead up, and, as much as my aunty could narrate what was going on, there was just such a lack of involvement. The lack of physical contact, to sit and show them, just being with them in the same room, a good brew, and cake. It’s been slightly heartbreaking, I’m an emotional sort, and my family is everything, being an only child kind of made me a particular type of irrational.
I’ve had fantastic reviews and great support; I have been embraced into old school societies, and made great new connections, connections that will, one day, get affirmed, when we get to be ‘normal’ once more. I have nine amazing achievements in my life, they make me a woman, a wife, a mother. It’s been a hard journey to get to today. There’s been plenty of heartache, plenty of times I’ve been unfair, and more occasions than I care to admit, that I’ve disappointed my family. But, to hear my dad say he’s proud of me, for the first time in, what feels like, many, many long years, makes me feel like his daughter once more.
