Jamie Iredell's Blog, page 11

wivesfulfill an important role in most societies by telli...

wivesfulfill an important role in most societies by tellingtheir husbands that they are babies.

writing on the wall, Thelilts along, a feminine hand. Eve...

writing on the wall, Thelilts along, a feminine hand. Every e curls like a tongue,the word tongue, in fact, tastes the wall. The wall tastesthe girl’s hand. The hand, sweat-salted from wheelchairpushing,grease-grimed from bridging glasses to hernose’s bridge (that part of her nose was flat, just like abridge, which makes this cliché an apt metaphor) wasa road to her mind. Her eyes were holes that sucked inthe world’s light, the light mother-darkened by a motherwith a voice as rough as the wall.

Yerba Buenians are an extinct race that met disasterafter...

Yerba Buenians are an extinct race that met disasterafter filling in the primary cove upon which theirmodest settlement was initially built with their mostlyunused names. Yerba Buena refers to the Anglicizationof the original settlement’s native name of Hierva Buena Que Rica en la Boca de Las Mujeras Bellisimas de España Vieja; however, the original meaning of this name has beenlost to history, much like the Yerba Buenians themselves.Yerba Buenians were known as a wild and rambunctioustribe, having strung numerous of their settlement’shighest officials by their necks from the edifices of theadministrative and religious centers. For example, theirfounder, José Joaquín de la Santísima Trinidad Moraga,and the party’s original leader, Juan Bautista de AnzaBezerra Nieto, were usurped by the insurrectionist JuanRamirez Tuaca Guadalupita de Rosa de Santa María dela Revolución de Los Angeles del Rio de la Amazonianoscon la Leche Sabrosa y Dulce y la Café Muy Dudo. OtherYerba Buenians, such as Rosa Miguelita Carmela de laAscención de la Vírgen de Guadalupe que Regresa delCorazon de Tu Madre Quando Ella Tiene la CochinitaSucia y Lavale en El Rio Pequeño, enjoyed their purchasedsalmon from Vancouverians who had established traderelations prior to the country’s disappearance. At theheight of a large migratory invasion of Americans, theYerba Buenians’ population skyrocketed, causing thephone book to expand exponentially by the length of itspages, thus Yerba Buena Cove was filled with a billionseemingly unnecessary names. As a result, Yerba Buenianculture fizzled and sputtered in collusion with their newmigratory neighbors, and was subsumed completely by thetime the town and its inhabitants’ names were changed.They became San Franciscans (see San Franciscans, pg.105).

zimbabweansIt has been well documented that Doris Lessing...

zimbabweansIt has been well documented that Doris Lessing is a bigfan of Zimbabweans, and that the cultural, political,and geographic details of these people and their regionhave filled her works with pizzazz. In fact, it is safe to referto Lessing’s work as stylized. Even William Zinser hasproclaimed to be a devout follower of Lessing’s writings.They are good writings. They are Lessing’s writings.In just one of Lessing’s writings the Zimbabweans aretreated ever so harshly under the stark racial divide—driven like a constant zephyr across the sub-Saharanplains—between the natives and their Anglo-colonialoverseers. But, never mind Lessing, let us get to theactual Zimbabweans. Zimbabweans are a generous andintelligent people with an intricate culture that has existedsince what an American college freshman would call “thedawn of time.” By this, said college freshman means, sincethe beginning of human history, since humans are theorganisms that invented the concept of time, as well asmetaphors for describing such abstract phenomena, suchas “dawn.” Ancient Zimbabweans were adept architectsof ziggurats. Like above-mentioned college freshmen,whose concepts of closure often involve the walking intometaphorical depictions of our planet’s rotation in itsinfinite journeying round our star, Zimbabweans will befound walking as silhouette into sunset.

Ze-end (zē ĕnd): an efficient Teutonic buzzreplaces the e...

Ze-end (zē ĕnd): an efficient Teutonic buzzreplaces the effete th of the English; otherwise thepronunciation is much the same. To pronounce it withthe proper authority one must smoke a cigarette at thesame time, holding it in the peculiar underhand fashionof pre-1945 Germany—or pre-1989 East Germany—asif a needle to be precisely inserted into a vein, and notcasually hooking it between the index and middleknuckles à la Humphrey Bogart. Ideally, black should alsobe worn along with highly polished thigh-high leatherboots. The monocle is optional. “The end” (thē ĕnd),without an accent, when announcing the conclusion ofa story, but more commonly (thə ĕnd) with the schwae so faintly pronounced, the two words frequently elide(thĕnd), the speaker typically having been so fatigued bythe misguided euphoria of the beginning and the longcomplex confusion of the middle to expend any efforton the extra syllable. Songs with this title never makesense. Those who pen the lyrics to such songs are moreappropriately posted on the posters of teenage girls’bed and dorm rooms. The idea of an end precludes thatof a beginning. The universe defies this supposition.As we have learned, the beginning was a donut. Theend, therefore, is spaghetti. Westerns of that variety,anyhow: windswept plains and rolling tumbleweeds, abe-holstered thigh and cowboy-capped noggin, scragglycheeks. It is noon, and the sun is high, so we shall say highnoon. An American saunters along the wooden sidewalk.Click clack goes a bullet chambered. Wait, maybe the endis a kiss, lips parted drawing near, the outline of bodiesmaking even a heart silhouette in the beach sunset. Backit up and the men part yet again, distance themselvesfrom one the other, a wave of goodbye. Perhaps the endcontains explosions (see Action Film, The pg. 2), thespace cruiser scuttling away with a roar of inexplicableengines somehow captured from the reader’s (viewer’s?)point of view in space’s vacuum. The explosion, likewisea tremendous candle snuffing, a sneeze, an ejaculation,molecules and dust spread only to coalesce with gravityover what the documentary narrators call millennia,though it’s more like billenia, and yet another star willburst forth. In the end, the heroine survives the slasher’sonslaught, knives dripping and ripping air, gunfire, rollersrolling their lights across suburban house frames, sirenslike sirens of a Greek epic lulling the stupefied to whatseems to spell safety. But the whale will ram the whaler,the lovers’ forebemoanéd moan silenced with a poisonedkiss, but that slow-boy-grown-to-a-slow-man-child’s ragebellows from the carriage round Jefferson’s Confederatemonument, and don’t you know that god is pooh bear?And the end should’ve ended just after we said all rightthen we’ll go to hell. Or when that bullet passed throughLenny’s cerebral cortex; when Rosasharn offers herstillborn’s milk to the starving, when the flood watersrecede; when they nailed up the man who invented thechurch; when the great rich guy floats in his estate’s ownpool; when the dueling swords end their play and makeamends before poison overtakes and Norway invades;when the dragon’s dead like the aging hero; when thosewho were not the one dead turned to their affairs;when Anna throws herself under the train; when, like aZimbabwean, we saunter off, sunset-bound.

Narrative Magazine (again)

Nothing new, since everyone complains about Narrative Magazine. Just got a new spam email from them. Of course, like everyone else, I've "unsubscribed" from their email list probably five times. Unlike Matthew Simmons, I have not made an extra effort to filter out their emails, but that doesn't seem to work anyway.

Here are a few word combinations that I want to show up in Google searches, because they do not appear to thus far: "Narrative Magazine is the literary world's bunghole"; "Narrative Magazine is to white patriarchal institutionalism as wife beaters and Camaros are to white patriarchal institutionalism"; and "Narrative Magazine dogshit teabag."

What's up with the scumbagery with that rag? I admit, I've submitted there, although I don't think I've done so since they instituted the $20 submission fee, but maybe I'm wrong about that. It doesn't really matter. I decided a long time ago that I was not interested in reading Narrative Magazine or submitting to it--and not only because of the $20 fee (although that's the biggest reason). The other reason is that they represent a conservative, realist, boring aesthetic, and they probably would never publish anything I write anyway because I don't write that shit.

I kinda feel bad about saying this, because some good friends have published there, but if they had ever published anything of mine, I'd be embarrassed because of the onslaught of spam and the shit-talking that reasonable writers engage in about the magazine. I wouldn't even put it in my bio, and if I had published there I'd request that they delete whatever it was from their site.

Anyway, rant over. "Narrative Magazine kills babies in double rainbow pony land gangbang penetration mint ice cream the supreme court smurfs daryl hannah"

Sometimes You're Up Late, Which Isn't Really Late At All, It's Just That You Have a Kid

And you're sitting there, thinking, I've worked so hard, continuously, for all these years, and what do I have to show for it? This lousy kid. No, not really, although that would be funny.  That is, it would be funny/sad if that's what I really thought and felt.

I'm more like in this space where I'm working on all these book-length projects, which take years to finish. And I don't really have stuff that works well for magazines (although I have started a couple/few short stories and hope to have those finished before 2015), and I feel--well--out of the loop. I know that this is a lame thing to think and/or feel, but I guess I can't help it.

I got tired of writing essays to publish in magazines, so I'm not really doing that anymore, although I do have an idea for a good one if I can ever get the chance to finish reading the book that's associated with the piece, which is difficult, because I teach, and so I focus a lot on what I'm teaching by rereading texts. And that, also--all those essays I've written--are ready to go in a book that Future Tense Books will publish this fall. I know I sound like an ingrate piece of shit little kid.

Still, it's nice to have people reading you and talking about you on social media and whatnot. And I guess that's what I'm missing, and I'm trying to figure out why I ought to care about that, or if I ought to, or if it even matters at all.

On the one hand, it's nice when people are talking about you. It's energizing. You feel compelled to work. You move into stardom in the literary world, which means that, like, 50 people whom you do not know are aware--vaguely--of your name and with whom those syllables might coincide.

On the other hand, seems like people these days have the shortest memories on record, or they would if I could remember what kind of memories people in the past had. Shit, I can barely remember who won the Super Bowl, and I watched the fucker. It took me all of ten minutes to remind myself that my own hometown team, the SF Giants, won the World Series just last October. So the fact that people might not be talking about me now, doesn't really mean anything, because in order to keep up the constant in-the-press kind of work one needs not have a family, because it's impossible to manage the twain.

On the other hand, I know I could work just a little harder, make just a few more things work, get just a few more things out there, sleep just an hour less every night, and it would work wonders. I might have a more-than-once-a-month-blog-post-month. Or, I might finish one of my insufferable short stories and send it off to get rejected by Ploughshares. Maybe I'd finish this ever elusive, but oh-so-interesting essay to which I allude that requires certain somniferous reading. And these things, surely, people would talk about.

On the other hand, they never do. You try your hardest, you know that you write well, but it just never grasps the zeitgeist by the horns. The zeitgeist's horns are a cliche. And, since grabbing them is likewise predictable, it's no wonder you both succeed and fail at the same time, cliche using/busting man.

On the other hand, if all you do is pay attention, and work at the pace that you can work, and make sure that the work is good, that it does not in any way resemble you, but is inextricably you, and so lives as its own thing, no matter how idiosyncratic your vision, and no matter how "popular," or "unpopular" it might be in this zeitgeist, maybe then you'll finish your work, and keep working, and you'll stop worrying your head over such frivolity, and maybe you'll start really really writing well.

I did not go to AWP this year. That is the Association of...

I did not go to AWP this year. That is the Association of Writers and Writing Programs' annual conference. It's like a literature trade show. It's the first time I have not gone in many years. I didn't go because my next book will not be out until the fall, and I wasn't on any panels, and I wasn't scheduled to give any readings, and I figured that what I'd do would be hanging out with writers in bars and restaurants, and I thought I could do that with spending the money to fly to Boston and stay in a hotel. And that's pretty much what I did. I hung out with my friends Blake and Molly and I hung out with my family. I would've enjoyed myself at AWP, but there are so many people--so many friends--that you never get the chance to spend quality time with any of them, really. Certainly not those people you don't get to see all that often. You see them for five minutes here and there, maybe have a beer, then you're off to do something else, to see someone else, and most of the time you're doing this with the people who are closest to you already--the writers from your own hometown. Or at least, that's what usually happens to me. I was going to stay with two of my writer buddies from Atlanta. I figured I could just hang with those guys here in town, instead of flying somewhere to do the same thing. And it snowed a lot in Boston (where the conference was this year), and I got to avoid that. I don't have any problems with AWP at all. It's fun. A lot of fun. It can be inspiring, intimidating, awesome, blinding. But it's best, I think, when you've got a good reason to be there. I didn't have a reason this year. All my friends have been talking about the conference on Facebook, and I kind of feel like I'm missing out. But then I don't feel like I'm missing out. I got a lot of writing done last week, and I wouldn't have done a damn thing had I gone to AWP. Feels like there are always a lot of naysayers about the conference, and I'm not gonna be one of those. But I will say that it was nice not going this year. I don't even know why I'm writing about this. Who cares? I saw a motorcycle accident today. It looked like the rider was okay. His helmet sat on the sidewalk and he did not appear to have any visible injuries. At least I think that was him talking to the cops on the side of the road. There was an ambulance there, so I suppose the rider could've been inside the ambulance. Why does one not call a motorcycle rider a "driver"? Does one not drive a motorcycle? Why does one ride a motorcycle instead? The answer to that question is the same as the answer to any question concerning my absence from AWP.

I Don't Know Why this Seems Relevant to Repost Here, but Why Not, Even Though There's Some Recycle/Revised Material; I Guess That Is The Writing Process At Work Yay

1) YOUR FIRST COLLEGE LITERARY MAGAZINE PUBLICATION
• Pretty much no one outside of your peers published in or producing the magazine will have any idea what you’re talking about when you say you have an essay published in COLLEGE MAGAZINE TITLE HERE. Don't let this frustrate you.
• Your family members, well-meaning though they may be, will no doubt not understand the hard work that went into the essay this magazine’s publishing, and they will likewise not understand how publishing at a college works and this will frustrate you. Try not to let it frustrate you.
• Be excited! You should be proud: For example, In 2009 there were 1,052,803 books published in the United States. At least 2/3 of those were self-published. That means that 694,850 books were produced under contract with independent small and university presses, and with the traditional large publishing conglomerates. Although there are factors I’m not accounting for, the primary of which would be that we’re not talking about publishing books but in a college magazine, but nonetheless a magazine edited by a competent staff, these figures mean that less than one-half of one percent of the American population—in fact .02%--published in the traditional sense—that is, with a literary editor—in 2009. Comparatively, there is a .2% chance that a current high school football player will make it to the NFL. Thus, to extrapolate, you are one of the rare people to beat the odds. Any person in the U.S. is 1000 times more likely to make it into the NFL than to publish anything via an editorial staff. But, keep in mind that no one realizes this. So, stay humble.
2) I’M GONNA MAKE THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY INTERESTED IN PURSUING THE WRITING LIFE.
• That might change, and that’s not a big deal. The numbers above support the fact that most people are not writers.
• But maybe for right now that’s how you’re thinking of yourself. It’s a good and fun place to be. You’re excited about learning, you’re expressing yourself, someone—however few they may seem to you now or in the future—also deemed your expression valuable. That means you have what’s called an audience. Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.” You are officially “living.”
• If you fancy yourself continuing in this mode of expression, grow an unhealthy appetite for all things literature: be ravenous. Devour literary work of the highest order. Seek out those works that have been praised and lambasted. Calculate how much reading you can do in a given period of time, on average--say pages read in one hour. That'll let you know what you can do, so that when you calculate how much time you have for reading in a given day, break it up accordingly. Say, for example, if you’re able to squeeze out only one hour a day for reading, and you know you can readily get through 20 pages during that time, make 20 pages a day your reading goal. Never not read. In fact, I recommend reading three or four books at any one time. There should be a book you’re reading before you go to bed at night; a book you keep in the bathroom (I know this is crude, but let’s face it: it’s true that this occurs, and if you’re going to use that time wisely, you might as well be reading books that matter, but, because of the brevity of each bathroom visit, poetry, and flash fiction/nonfiction are most conducive to this time-space); a book to read while you’re working out (should your mode of workout allow for reading); and a book to read at random moments throughout the day when you can steal time for such reading. If you do not read, there’s no reason you should write. After all, who the heck will waste his time reading you, if you remain ignorant of literature’s great work come before you?
• Write constantly. Write about three times more than you read. Write something—anything—every day. Exercises are great, but don’t let them be only exercises. Think of everything you write as having potential for greatness. Take your art seriously. But don’t just draft. Drafting, of course, is exciting because it’s always something new. You must get compulsory about your writing. Rewrite, set a writing project aside for a day, a week, a month, whatever’s necessary for you to forget about it so that when you go back to it you can see it with fresh eyes, and in the meantime begin new projects, and so work in this way, in continuous cycle, always producing.
3) DON’T BE MAD AT YOURSELF IF YOU CHOOSE OTHER OCCUPATIONS/MODES OF EXPRESSION/LIFESTYLE
• No regrets. There are a thousand things more worthwhile than pursuing the writing life. Think of medical doctors and nurses—those wonderful souls—engaged in the futile pursuit of an end to human pain, suffering, and death. Despite the only knowledge into which probability does not factor—that we will all of us die—these professionals march on, determined in their fight against the inevitable. If that isn’t poetry, I don’t know what is. Find that thing that is your genius and should that be your compulsion, I say do not let any odds, any one, or any thing stand in the way of that pursuit.
• You are young and at the beginning of a college career. There is so much out there to explore. Never stop exploring. Cultivate a thirst for knowledge, a desire to know, always ask why. Writing is but one mode of exploration. Other explorers of our universe are engineers, or mathematicians, or chefs, or small business owners and entrepreneurs, or lawyers, or anthropologists. Each of these occupations is valuable, is a “life of the mind,” is creative.
4) SOME OF YOU MAY CHOOSE TO CONTINUE WRITING AND I SAY TO DO IT FOR YOURSELF, ON YOUR OWN TERMS. BE YOU, BE THE WRITER YOU ENVISION YOURSELF TO BE. BE SELF-RELIANT.
• Writing and literature teachers/professors are wonderful people for those who know how to learn from them. A good professor ought to acknowledge how a student’s working to be himself, and encourage and aid that student to reach the height of his potential. You’ll know a poor teacher/professor when he steers you towards being like him, and not being like you.
• Good writing and the singular writers who produce it is almost entirely about the idiosyncrasy of that person’s individual vision. You always need readers, and you need to think about them, but be yourself, so long as you can know who that self is.
• This last point is in many ways the whole point of life, in that you are and will remain in a constant exploration of your self until your death. Embrace that.
5) BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE-MENTIONED, TRY TO AVOID AS MUCH AS YOU CAN OF OUR CONTEMPORARY CULTURE’S DRUDGERY.
• Popular culture is a poor substitute for GREAT WORKS OF ART primarily because of that word, popular. It relies on the least common denominator. And if relatively recent history has taught us anything, such as in the cases of Nazi Germany, or Pol Pot’s Cambodia, or Justin Bieber’s Justin Bieber, just because something’s popular, doesn’t necessarily make it good.
• Television, for example, is cheap, poorly written and produced and, for the most part, poorly acted. The same goes for most movies. Because you either already recognize this or will likely soon be able to, you'll stop watching a lot of television and film. The good side is that you'll be surprised how much time this frees up. Most Americans watch a minimum of one hour of television per day, and many watch much more than that. The absence of television alone frees up so much time for other, more valuable, exploration.
• Remember: no one's superhuman. Maybe I'm a bit of a workaholic. But everyone needs to take breaks. My comments about TV and film above don't mean that I don't watch any of it. There are exceptions to the rule that it's all no good. There are some great shows and movies out there. Critically, you'll see which ones will benefit you, or those that you find interesting, and you'll naturally gravitate towards them.
• Have fun. One of the greatest things you can aspire to in life is to pursue something that brings you joy. All other things follow, provided you’re not an alcoholic or other addict. If you can’t help yourself but read and write, or taste good food and cook it, or admire awe-inspiring cars and the inner working of the engines that power them, you will follow that thing you love and you will be successful. This is what is meant by “genius,” that this is who you are, who you were born to be. So be it.

Figued I'd Repost This Here Why Not

This was written in response to a student asking for advice: Some tips on how to handle the workload/graduate school:

1) Calculate how much reading you can do in a given period of time, on average--say pages read in one hour. That'll let you know what you can do, so that when you see on the syllabus how much reading you have for a class session, and how many hours you have to get it done, break it up accordingly. Say, for example, if you have 100 pages to read and five days to read it, you can finish it reasonably by reading 20 pages a day.

2) Don't let long-term assignments wait. For example, you know you have two essays to write for our class, the first of which has specific instructions which are already available to you, and the draft of which you know is due on 1/28. Don't wait until 1/27 to start writing. You should already be working on that essay.

Additionally, here are some thoughts, in general, about graduate school and choosing to become a writer:

Most people don't go to graduate school, and part of the reason for that is that graduate school is hard work. You're preparing to earn an MFA in writing and, presumably, this will prepare you to have a professional life that involves some aspect of the writing world. That means that you're going to be busy--for the rest of your life. I think a lot of people don't realize or understand this. A commitment to the writing life involves a number of sacrifices, for lack of a better word. For one, you'll never read things the same way you did before. For example, you will likely begin to see that the joy and wonder with which you once dove into a novel will dissipate because, as a writer, you'll begin reading like a writer: looking carefully at aspects of another writer's craft, seeing the mechanics of a story. It's impossible, once you've learned to read this way, to go back to just "liking a novel." That's right: no more summertime beach reads. This is great, because as a writer you'll always be working whenever you read; unfortunately, you do lose the wonder you once experienced that made you an avid reader in the first place. As your critical acumen develops you'll likely find that you have little patience for elements of contemporary popular culture. Television, for example, is cheap, poorly written and produced and, for the most part, poorly acted. The same goes for most movies. Because you'll likely soon be able to see this you'll stop watching a lot of television and film. The good side of this is that you'll be surprised how much time this frees up. Most Americans watch a minimum of one hour of television per day, and many watch much more than that. Depending on what I'm reading, I can get through about 50 pages of reading in one hour. So, that much work is lost if I spend that time watching television. Lastly, as you develop a thirst for all things writing, it will be so pervasive in your mind that you'll be thinking about it constantly. To this end, this is how you develop your ideas, and, if you're like me, it's how a lot of your writing will get done. I do a ton of writing in my head (seriously, thinking out actual sentences) when I'm walking or jogging, when I'm lying in bed trying to get to sleep at night, or when I wake up in the morning, when I'm taking a shower, while I'm driving, and when I'm sitting at traffic lights or stop signs. In other words, I'm hardly ever not working. Some probably think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but it's how I'm able to be so productive.

So, to sum up and itemize some suggestions for getting work done:

* No idle time. Be thinking about what you're reading and writing even when not sitting at your desk or with a book in your hands.
* Take advantage of modern technology for your thoughts. I take a lot of notes and do a good portion of writing by using the voice recorder and Notes app on my phone. I do this when I'm driving, or walking somewhere, sometimes even when I'm hanging out with my family and friends and an idea strikes me.
* Get rid of your television, or at least get rid of cable. This might be a tough one, but trust me; you'll get so much more work done if you cut out TV.
* I assume that you have a dayjob. Depending on what it is you do, make use of downtime at work to get schoolwork/writing/reading done. When I was an undergrad I worked at The Men's Wearhouse selling suits. There was a lot of downtime, just sitting around waiting for customers. Often, instead of talking with my coworkers, I read and wrote. Didn't make me all that popular, but I got a lot of work done that way.
* Steal time. This is an unfortunate fact of the writing life: some of the time that you would normally devote to being a better parent/significant other/friend/relative/employee you'll steal away to devote to your reading and writing. Sometimes that's the only way you can get the work done. It kind of sucks, but it's true. Often on weekends when I want to be spending time with my daughter I'm working instead, and that's a sacrifice I choose.

Also, remember: no one's a superhuman. Maybe I'm a bit of a workaholic. But everyone needs to take breaks. My comments about TV and film above don't mean that I don't watch any of it. There are exceptions to the rule that it's all no good. There are some great shows and movies out there. Critically, you'll see which ones will benefit your own work, or those that you find interesting, and you'll naturally gravitate towards them. But even when you have this downtime, in a certain sense you're still working, still taking things in to see how they might benefit your own work.

I hope this diatribe helps. Let me know if you have any questions.

And I love her response, which was:

Thanks for sharing the tips. I never thought about calculating reading time. That will surely help. I just started looking at assignment deadlines to better plan. (I have already been making notes in anticipation for the essay!)

I am really excited and am learning that there will be countless sacrifices to make. I keep a pen and pad handy for all the "head notes" I think of, but the recorder will be great since I'm in the car a lot. I truly don't want my time at *UNIVERSITY NAME INSERTED HERE* to be in vain. I appreciate your willingness to challenge me to think critically and to learn to write well!

P.S. At least I've gotten the TV-watching ban down pat; I haven't even had mine plugged up for over a year and got rid of cable years ago!

Love me some students like this one.