Vivienne Diane Neal's Blog, page 13

Dating Expert Shares the 'Brutal Truth' About Single Parents in the Dating World: 'Stop Doing This Now'

A datingexpert has shared the 'brutal truth' about single parents in the dating world -and why you should never let someone use their kids as an 'excuse' to avoidspending time with you.

 

Professionalmatchmaker and relationship expert Louanne Ward, from Perth, Australia said, 'Everyone knowsthat anyone who has kids will always put them first, but if someone truly caresabout you, then they will also make time for you in a dating capacity. Do notallow somebody to use their kids as an excuse to breadcrumb you,' Louanne saidin a clip on Instagram.

Photo by VanessaLoring

Breadcrumbingis a behaviour in which one partner gives the other partner just enough energy,time, attention, affection, and affirmation to provide some of the elements ofbeing in a romantic relationship, but never quite enough.

 

Louanneexplained that single parents who do not really want to date and instead wantto use their children as excuses commonly use breadcrumbing as a tactic.

 Photo by Monstera

'Anylogical person knows when they're dating a single parent - whether it's asingle mum or a single dad - that parental obligations come first,' she said.

 

'So ifyou're dating someone and they keep saying to you, "Oh, my kids comefirst", then know that this is very much a convenient excuse for them tobreadcrumb you with a legitimate reason to do just that'. 

 

Louanneexplained that 'nobody' is going to say that their 'mummy or daddy life' comesbefore their kids and they will 'drop everything to be at your beck and call'.

 

Photo by RODNAEProductions 

But ifsomeone feels the repeated need to 'continuously tell you or point out to youthat their kids come first', they are using their kids as an excuse tohave 'everything their own way rather than put in the required amount of effortto date someone'.

 

Louanne said'it doesn't add up because once children have been dropped to school or put tobed, it's perfectly easy to 'pick up the phone and call that person you'redating'.

 

'Someonewill always find room to connect with you even if they cannot go out on datesevery second night [if they like you],' she said, and will put in the adequateamount of time and effort required - whether they have or haven't got kids'.

 

She saidit is simply a 'dating tactic' single parents use to excuse their badbehaviour.

 

Louanneconcluded: 'Dating is a two-way street; having children may make it harder foryou but don't expect others to accept your crumbs. You have to put in equaleffort in other ways'. 

 

Previously,Louanne revealed the one mistake single women make is ditching a man because hewants to help fix their problems rather than just listen to them. 

 

Shesaid she thinks it is a 'massive red flag' if a man does not offer to helphis girlfriend, wife, or the woman he is dating with their problems.

 

Photo by TracyLe Blanc 

SimpleWays to Upgrade Your Dating Profile

1. Usephotos representing who you truly are, not who you are trying to be.

2.Embrace your personality. If you attempt to play it safe, people will be unsureabout how original and fun you will be in real life.

3. Makeyour profile a unique story, not a shopping list. Nobody really cares that youlove cats, red wine, and walks on the beach.

4. Writea profile that is honest, from the heart, and shows your personality.

####

Source: Louanne Ward

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Celebrating Juneteenth Day in Costa Rica - Vegan Cook’In

We thought we would share this video with you on this special holiday -Juneteenth Day, not just celebrated in the United States but worldwide.

Have a Safe and Joyous

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Financial Planning Before Marriage by Vivienne Diane Neal

Photo by RODNAEProductions

If you were hit hard financially by COVID-19in 2020, many experts recommend knowing the status of your finances before yousay, “I do.” Even though the pandemic is supposed to be winding down, many arestill recovering from the pandemic hit with soaring prices of food, gas, andrent. There is merit to knowing where you stand with your money. Romancewithout finance is a nuance and the number one fight among couples. Before youtake that big step, each person should always have his or her financial stateof affairs in order. 

Before committing to marriage, if you have abig credit card debt, need your salary to pay for costs, or borrow one loan topay another, give yourself a moment to think it over. Money dilemmas will notdisappear after the marriage. If you do not resolve money problems first, thecash flow troubles will only get worst. 

This does not mean money problems will notdevelop. As newlyweds, you want to start out with a fresh slate. The lastthing you want is to go into a marriage with accumulated debts from your singledays or end up being responsible for someone else’s bad arrears, which can puta strain on the relationship. If you are a saver and plan to marry someone whois a major spender, you will want to protect your assets, especially if youhave minor children.

Whether your income is low, medium, or high,the best defense for reducing money quandaries is to manage your money wisely,right from the start. If your money troubles have gotten out of control and youcannot see your way out of a financial mess, you and your future spouse maywant to meet with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). 

You can verify a financial planner and getinformation on how to manage your money by visiting https://www.letsmakeaplan.org - Whilethese qualifications do not guarantee that someone is indeed working in yourinterest, they show a certain level of education and skill.

Managingyour money sensibly begins at an early age. It is never too late to oversee your finances. After saying, “I Do,” you and your spouse will not end upworking hard for your money. Instead, your money will work hard for you.

Summertime - the livin’ is easy and online dating can be too!

The sun is shining; birds; are chirping; bees are buzzing, and the airconditioning is on — summer is here.

Photo by UrielMont at Pexels 

In the world of dating, summer is usually associated with casual flings,while relationships go hand in hand with winter months. After all, the monthsof October through February have even earned the name of “cuffing season.” However,I would argue that June, July, and August are great months to be single,especially if you are looking for a serious relationship.

 

When the online dating website and app Zoosk analyzed data from their 40million users, they found that more people resubscribed in August than duringany other time during the year and that August is the second most active monthof the year for women, just behind October. They also found July is a “peaktime for people trying online dating for the first time,” meaning new peoplethat might be a connection for you.

 

There are a few practical reasons why single people are more active ondating sites in the summer. First, people tend to be generally happier thisseason than the rest of the year, which is a great starting point to any dateor conversation. Who would not be happier when an outing does not requirelayers upon layers of clothing or the risk of a blizzard canceling your plans?

 

People might also have extra time to devote to dating with some time offfrom work or school, plus extended weekends thanks to holidays like MemorialDay, Fourth of July, and Labor Day. A Sunday night date suddenly becomessomething to look forward to instead of a chore, as it might be during otherparts of the year.

 

And while there are always great date ideas year-round, the possibilitiesfor activities in the summer are seemingly endless — like checking out anoutdoor winery, going for a walk along the beach (ice cream optional butencouraged), or wandering around a local fair. Even if you and your date do notexactly hit it off, it is hard to have a truly terrible time when you are enjoyingthe outdoors.

 

Therefore, you are in a great mood; you have some time in your schedule, andyou have exciting ideas in mind — what should you do now to ensure a successfulsummer of matchmaking.

Well, you might want to think about giving your dating profile a miniseasonal makeover with updated photos, perhaps with a few cute shots. Remember, sunglasses are great, but potentialmatches do want to see your eyes in your photos. Prop them up on your head likea headband for an instantly casual snap that shows off your face! You may alsowant to include a little message bait with one of your goals for the season.Try something like, “summer goal: Fly a kite or catch a fish; does anyone havetips?” or “Who wants to join me in finally crossing skydiving off my bucketlist?”

 

Summer is a wonderful time to reset and relax, especially when you get tospend time doing the things you enjoy with friends and family. Moreover, witheveryone waking up each morning with an extra boost (thank you, vitamin D … andvaccines); it is also an excellent time to hit the dating scene.

 

About The Author - Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge,where she helps others navigate the often-intimidating world of online datingand is available for speaking engagements, media requests, and interviews.

How to Spot Dating Scams on Social Media by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All 

I often receive friend requests on social media. Their reasons forreaching out to me are sometimes questionable. By nature, I am suspicious when the individual says, “I attempted to send you a friend request because Ifind you very interesting and we seem to have so much in common, but I hadtrouble doing so. Would you message me and accept my friendship?” Then there isthe one who pretends to want to be your friend, who will have images of theirchildren but neglect to give any further details about themselves. I guess youare supposed to be a psychic. Many times, they claim to be a divorcee or widowersearching for love, romance, or a lifetime partner. In most cases, these peopleare con artists seeking your cash.

Photo by AnnaTarazevich

Romance scams are more common than you think. Even if you do notuse dating apps, a con artist can still target you. The Better Business Bureau Scam Tracker isgetting reports from individuals conned through social media. There are signsthat will aid you in spotting a fake romance before getting in too deep.

How The Fraud Works

You arescrolling through Instagram or Facebook when you get a direct message from a useryou do not know. If you reply, the conversation will start innocently enough.At first, the scammer will claim to share your interests and likely have asocial media account reflecting that. For example, if you post photos of yourpets, they may claim to be a fellow animal lover. If you share pictures of yourchildren, the scammer may pretend to be a fellow single parent.

Photo by MichaelBurrows

The scammer will quickly profess his love for you without evermeeting you in person. However, something is off! Dramatic emergency crops up whenever you plan to meet. For example, your love interest suddenlyneeds financial support for their sick child. Fortunately, you can help bywiring funds or sending prepaid gift cards.

One social media user told BBB.org/ScamTracker about theirexperience: "He sent me a DM through my Instagram account and instantlystarted love bombing me. He promised me we would spend our lives togetherforever, and he would marry me. l planned to move to New York to live with him. Then an emergency struck, andhe needed my help to get home from Barbados.He claimed he was a successful businessperson and a millionaire, so he wouldpay me back when he returned to the States. It never happened. Every time hewas supposed to come to see me, another emergency would happen, and he neededmore money from me."

Unfortunately, if you send money to the scammer, it will be gone forgood. The person you fell in love with does not exist. To make matters worse,con artists will repeat the emergency scenarios until you realize the fraud orrun out of money, whichever comes first.

Photo by Pixabay

How to Avoid Dating Scams

Know thesigns of romance swindles. Romance swindles often start with someone whoseems too perfect and immediately falls in love with you. The individual may bein a hurry to create a future together, but hesitant to meet you in person. Theperson will probably tell you they are overseas or in the military and oftentalk about the importance of trust to gain yours, and may share sad stories topull on your heartstrings before asking you for money. Any of these tactics isa big red flag. If you notice similarities with someone who has messaged you onsocial media, think twice about your relationship.

Neversend money or personal information to someone you have not met. Refrainfrom giving a stranger your credit card or bank account information. Do notwire money to or share the PIN of a gift card with someone you have never met.An online "friend" might not even really exist!  In addition, never provide your credit score.

Ask manyquestions. When you meet someone online, ask them specific questions aboutthe details in their profile and pay close attention to their answers. If theylie, keeping their story straight will be challenging.

Do someresearch. Do a reverse image lookup of a person's profile picture to seeif it appears elsewhere on the internet. Scammers often use the same stolenphotos to create fake profiles. You can also search their name, email, andphone number to see if you find anything fishy.

You cando a background check by going to TruthFinder

BBB Scam Tracker is a free tool thatanyone can use to report suspected fraud. Your reports warn others so they canavoid similar cons.

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People Share Their Worst First Date by Miss Know It All

Miss Know It All

We asked folksto share their worst first date. Some will have you rolling on the floorlaughing, while others will leave you gasping.

 

My date was 40minutes late, so I left. Much later, I get a bunch of texts and posts about howI was a horrible person and a slut for not waiting for him.

 

I went to gopick her up and while chatting at her place we ended up staying just talkingfor about 50 minutes. I actually need 50 minutes because I timed it. Sheliterally spoke for 48 minutes straight about her mental illnesses, herex-boyfriend, family drama, falling out with her friends, and everything that wasgoing wrong with her life she shared with me. Mind you, this was the first timeshe and I met in person.

 Photo by TerricksNoah

I met thisgirl. She was a local in our town. I decided why not she is cute so I will talkto her. From the moment, I started talking to her, she was rude and had ageneral distaste for men. I stopped talking to her, and then it was like a splitpersonality. She would then be nice and say sorry for how she acted, well a bitof back and forth of this and she wore me down. I am the one that agreed to a"date" just to shut her up. It was the most awkward "date"because I was just waiting for her to explode. We only talked for a few hoursand then I was like, "well this was nice, but I have to get up early forwork tomorrow. Maybe we can do this again." Therefore, I left. The nextmorning there was an explosion with her calling me every name in the book andbeing very insulting as if she had a genuine hate of men. I blocked her andnever felt better. LOL

 

One time, after a date, rather than a kiss or a hug, a manshook my hand. It was very sad and limp.

 Photo by cottonbrostudio

I do not know if this counts since it was hours after ourdate, but the man I went on a date with got a little too intoxicated and woundup falling asleep during intercourse. I mean DURING intercourse. 

 

Met a man at the bar, knew he was older but was not sure howmuch older. We wound up hitting it off, and I went home with him. He had toldme his kids were home but sleeping soundly. Turns out, he had several kids, hisoldest being 19 (I was 21 at the time). Long story short, I went to highschool with two of his kids. I literally snuck out of his window in case theyrecognized me.

 Photo by TerricksNoah

Woke up at a man’s house and he offered me a shirt (so niceright? Chivalry is not dead… so I thought.) Anyway, he was in his closet forlike 10 minutes. I was as confused, as to why he was taking so long to pick out ashirt. That is when he turned to me and said, “I just can’t find a shirt thatscreams, ‘See you never.’” I have never been so humbled.

 

After what I thought was a lovely date, I dropped him off athis house. He got out of my car, turned around, and threw a whole ass PhillyCheesesteak and a large Dr. Pepper at my face through the window. Turns out, hewas on drugs. I sent him to rehab. There was no second date. 

Having Insurance When You Get Married

Photo by Monstera

That big dayhas finally arrived. You are marrying the love of your life and ready topronounce those vows: to have and to hold each other in sickness and in healthtil death do us part.

Yet, how many couplesthink about having enough insurance while planning their wedding and includingthe right kind and the right amount of insurance that will help protect theirfinances from lawsuits and accidents?

Following are some steps to take as a married couple:

If you and your spousecount on each other’s earnings to support your standard of living, you bothneed life insurance that will keep the other financially afloat if somethinghappens. A life insurance payment can pay for funeral costs, rent or mortgage,household bills, and debts. It can also help pay for childcare and college forchildren and can leave a legacy for those you love.

Your employer might offersupplemental life insurance as an employee benefit. However, the amount ofcoverage you get through a group insurance plan might not be enough. Inaddition, you may not keep that coverage if you leave the job. That is why youshould get an individual life insurance policy.

There are two main typesof life insurance: term and permanent. Term life insurance lasts for a certainnumber of years, such as 10, 15, 20, or 30. Permanent life insurance lasts for alifetime and, therefore, is more expensive than term life.

A term life insurancepolicy can be ideal for a young couple because it is affordable, says SharifMuhammad, a licensed insurance agent, Certified Financial Planner, and owner ofUnlimited Financial Services. The policy’s term should be long enough to coverthe needs of children—such as the years until they graduate college. Search fora policy that offers the option to convert to permanent coverage “so you havethe option if you want to maintain the policy after the term runs its course,”states Muhammad.

You can shop for lifeinsurance policies online, including options for getting instant lifeinsurance. However, consider working with an independent insurance agent whocan help you determine how much coverage you need and will shop around for youto find the best policy for your needs.

Photo by MikhailNilov

How to Save on Life Insurance

Life insurance is a lotcheaper than you think. A survey by LIMRA and Life Happens found that half ofthe respondents thought a $250,000 term life policy for a healthy 30-year-oldwould cost $500 or more a year. However, the average cost of such a policy isonly about $160 a year, or about $13 a month. Your age, health, policy type,and amount of coverage you want will affect the price you pay for lifeinsurance.

“The younger andhealthier you are when you get coverage, the more affordable it is,” says AmyShepard, a Certified Financial Planner with Sensible Money. She suggests it canbe worth it to pay a little more for a policy with a bigger benefit now inorder to ensure the payout will be enough to cover any future expenses youmight have, such as a house with a mortgage or children. You could also buymore life insurance in the future, but you will pay rates based on your olderage and any health problems that develop in the interim.

Why You Need Disability Insurance

According to the SocialSecurity Administration, over one in four of today’s 20-year-olds will becomedisabled before reaching age 67. If you become part of that statistic andcannot work because of a disability, you and your spouse would likely feel thefinancial pinch from the loss of your income.

Workers’ compensationinsurance will pay only if the injury or illness is work-related. It may bechallenging to qualify for Social Security disability benefits, and the averagepayout is just $1,236 a month. That is why it is important to have disabilityinsurance to fill the gap. Think of it as a protection for your paycheckbecause it will replace a percentage of your income if an illness or injuryleaves you unable to work, temporarily or permanently. You can use disabilityinsurance to replace income during maternity leave, Shepard says.

How to Get Disability Insurance

If employed, you can getdisability coverage through a group plan at work. A survey by the Society forHuman Resource Management found that 71% of employers offer long-termdisability insurance and 61% offer short-term disability insurance. Typically,group disability coverage will replace up to 60% of income, Shepard says. Thedrawback to relying on group coverage is that you cannot keep it if you leaveyour job. “I think it’s always a great idea to take advantage of group coverageif you have it and supplement it with a private policy,” Shepard says. Thatway, you will still have coverage regardless of your employment situation.

If you already have groupdisability insurance, the amount of individual coverage you can get is limited.Shepard recommends working with an independent insurance agent to coordinateindividual coverage with any group coverage.

How to Save Money on Disability Insurance

Getting disabilityinsurance through a group plan at work is usually the most affordable optionand the easiest. If your employer has a group disability insurance plan offeredto all employees at no cost, you will automatically qualify for coveragewithout having to answer questions about your health or having to take anymedical tests, according to Life Happens.

Photo by KampusProduction

Individual disabilityinsurance can be more expensive because your age and health can affect thecost. You can save money by getting disability insurance while you are youngand healthy, Muhammad says. 

You also can keep downthe cost of disability insurance by opting for long-term coverage rather thanshort-term coverage, Shepard says. It is more important to have a policy thatwill protect you for a significant period, and you can rely on an emergencyfund (if you have one) to replace your income if you have a short-termdisability.

See if any professionalorganizations you might belong to offer a group policy for long-term disabilityinsurance. As long as you maintain your membership, group coverage willprobably be more affordable than individual coverage.

Health Insurance - Coordinate Coverage with Your Spouse

You can typically changeyour health insurance plan through work (for group coverage) or through thehealth insurance marketplace (for individual coverage) once a year during openenrollment. However, marriage is one of the life events that allow you tochange your coverage outside of open enrollment.

If you or your spousedoes not already have health insurance, you may get coverage now through one orthe other’s plan. If you both have coverage, it’s a good time to review yourplans to see if you should maintain separate policies or get joint coverage,says DeDe Jones, a Certified Financial Planner and managing director ofInnovative Financial.

You might find that, forexample, you can get better, more affordable coverage by switching to yourspouse’s health insurance plan.

Photo by LeelooThefirst

How to Save on Health Insurance

A common way to lower thecost of health insurance is to opt for a plan with a high deductible. Premiumson high-deductible plans are lower because you have to pay more out of pocketuntil coverage kicks in. This type of plan can make sense for healthy, youngadults who do not take many or any prescription drugs and do not requirefrequent trips to the doctor. However, you should not bet on your good healthto help you avoid paying for the deductible. If your employer offers a healthsavings account along with a high-deductible health plan, set aside money inthat account to cover your deductible and other out-of-pocket medical costs.

If you cannot afford tomax out your health savings account or cover the cost of your deductible, ahigh-deductible plan might not be the best way for you to save money on healthinsurance, Muhammad says.

Alert Your Auto Insurer to Your New Status

Let your auto insuranceagent know that you have gotten married. Other household members are requiredto be on your policy if they are licensed drivers, even if they do not driveyour car regularly.

If you and your spouseeach have a car and coverage through separate insurers, it usually makes senseto choose one company and buy one policy. You will get a discount for insuringmore than one vehicle, plus additional savings if you also buy your homeowner’sor renter’s insurance from that company.

How to Save on Auto Insurance

Even if your insureroffers a discount for insuring two vehicles, it can pay to shop around forlower rates with other insurers. Muhammad says that he and his wife reshoptheir insurance every two years to ensure they get the best deal. Ifyou are happy with your current insurer, ask about other auto insurancediscounts that you might qualify for. For example, you might save money bypaying your bill annually rather than monthly.

To soften the blow ofmaking a lump-sum car insurance payment, Shepard recommends setting aside moneyeach month in a savings account to have enough to pay the bill when it’s due.Also, ask about increasing your deductible to lower your premium.

Photo by JuniorKarrick DJIKOUNOU Homeowners' or Renters' Insurance 

Make sure you have enoughcoverage. Now that you are married, you might have more belongings in yourhousehold. So make sure you have enough homeowners or renters coverage toreplace those belongings in case of a major disaster like a fire, tornado, orhurricane.

To figure out how muchcoverage you need, start by doing a home inventory. Go room to room and make alist of your belongings and, if possible, their estimated cost. An easy way todo an inventory is to take photos or videos of your entire home, including theinside of closets, drawers, and storage spaces. There are also home inventorymobile apps such as MyStuff and Nest Egg.

If you have an “actualcash value” policy, the payout you would get would cover the cost of yourbelongings minus depreciation of their current value. It is better to get apolicy with replacement cost coverage. This will cost more, but it will cover replacing your items.

If you have expensiveitems such as wedding rings, artwork, or collectibles, you might need to add afloater or rider to your policy to provide additional coverage for those items.Call your insurance agent to discuss your coverage needs now that you aremarried.

Photo by WallaceAraujo

How to Save on Homeowners Insurance

Shop around to find thebest homeowners insurance by getting quotes from at least three insurers, orwork with an independent agent who can do the shopping for you.

Ask about multi-policydiscounts. You can save money if you have more than one type of policy, such asa homeowner and auto insurance, with an insurer. You can lower your premium byraising your deductible. Adding safety features such as an alarm system andsmoke alarms can lead to discounts.

Keep in mind as you lookfor ways to save money on all of your insurance policies that it is importantnot to skimp on coverage just to save money.

“Shorting yourself oninsurance is a fool’s endeavor,” Jones says. Paying for good insurance can seemunnecessary if you never make a claim. However, insurance is for the disastersin life, so you do not have to gut your savings or lose your home or vehiclewithout a financial safety net.