Namita Das's Blog, page 76

Desert Flower by Waris Dirie

From working at Mcdonald’s to becoming a well-known model, Waris didn’t have anything easy. I live in Uganda and I have heard and seen the issues African women face. Reading Waris’s journey has left me dumbstruck.

Female genital mutilation is a major concern in most African areas. Its brave of the author to speak about it and spread awareness about the atrocities little girls have to go through. It still shudders me to think how with zero medical care such incisions are done on young girls.

Waris’s story is truly inspiring.

could literally imagine the couple riding horses.

I am sure to check out more books written by Leena.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Hardcover and Paperback.

Some notes from the book –

-Life there was very hard; we needed all our strength just to survive and being negative sapped our vital energy.
-Waris means desert flower. The desert flower blooms in a barren environment where few living things can survive.
-The prevailing wisdom in Somalia is that there are bad things between a girl’s legs, parts of our bodies that we’re born with, yet are unclean. These things need to be removed—the clitoris, labia minora, and most of the labia majora are cut off, then the wound is stitched shut, leaving only a scar where our genitals had been. But the actual details of the ritual cutting are left a mystery—it’s never explained to the girls. You just know that something special is going to happen to you when your time comes.
-Virgins are a hot commodity in the African marriage market, one of the largest unspoken reasons for the practice of female circumcision. My father could expect a high price for beautiful virgin daughters but had little hope of unloading one who had been soiled by having sex with another man.
-Female circumcision, or as it is more aptly referred to today, female genital mutilation (FGM), occurs predominantly in twenty-eight countries in Africa.
-I learned that happiness is not what you have, because I never had anything, and I was so happy.
-It’s when you don’t have something that you appreciate it, and since we had nothing, we appreciated everything.
-The most valuable asset in life—other than life itself—is health. But people ruin their precious health worrying about all kinds of pointless little irritations—“Oh, here comes that bill, and another bill, and bills flying in from every direction, and…oh, how am I going to pay them all?” The United States is the wealthiest country in the world, yet everybody feels poor.
-These tribal wars, like the practice of circumcision, are brought about by the ego, selfishness, and aggression of men. I hate to say that, but it’s true. Both acts stem from their obsession with their territory—their possessions—and women fall into that category both culturally and legally.
-I feel that God made my body perfect the way I was born. Then man robbed me, took away my power, and left me a cripple. My womanhood was stolen. If God had wanted those body parts missing, why did he create them?

A Mother – as cunning as a jackal?

My parents always told me that I represent my name very well. Namita means humble and I always loved these good girl compliments. Lately, I discovered my name also means Jackal or Hyena; and I thought – no way, I am not cunning. Then I started to read about this species. I found that these animals are clever. They are sneaky but skilled. They are small but smart. Yet they are portrayed as cunning. I realized a common thing between these animals and a mother. Whenever a new mother(small animal), finds a way around parenting (smart work); it gets hard for older generations(big animals) to accept it. Some say that she is lazy and taking the easy way out, cheating the child with lousy parenting, some say it’s not the right way (even if the professionals recommend it), and some might just call her ignorant, disobeying and rude. While all this time, the mother (small animal) was working on clever sustainability, especially if she is a single mother or living in a nuclear setup. Despite giving their 100%, it’s tough for the mothers to change the perception of society. Mothers then get two choices – either keep proving to society that they are genuine and sharp. Or stay unaffected by being called names and continue the brilliant work until these remarks won’t make any sense. Because one day, the grown child will speak for themselves, that they have the best mother in the world.

Let me know how you feel about this.

If you are interested to hear more on this topic, click on the podcast link below –

https://anchor.fm/s/52852260/podcast/rss

Who is better? Stay-at-home Mom or Working Mom

When Kuku was first diagnosed with speech and language delay, everyone from close friends to family, blamed me for leaving a 6-month-old with a babysitter. I was deemed selfish to have put my career over my son. When I quit my job, I was told I am not doing justice with my qualifications. Some even said it’s so enjoyable sitting at home and lazing around the whole day. I have had it both and trust me, none of them is as it seems. It’s not easy. Please, I just have to say, stop these unsolicited remarks. A woman’s life does not end after she has a baby. Of course, she gets into a new role, of a mother but that’s a part of her life. AND, it’s her choice how she wants to lead it. A mom is always a mom; be it inside or outside the house. She is doing her best for her kid. Stop judging a mother. PLEASE!

If you are interested to hear more, click on the podcast link below –

https://anchor.fm/namita-das8

Parents and Emotional Availability

‘Enjoy till it lasts’ – my mom would say, whenever I cribbed about lack of privacy after Kuku came into my life. As Kuku is growing, I can sense his urge to be independent. Although I try to help (which ideally I shouldn’t for his benefit), there are a few things he insists on doing himself. Gradually he will be a grown-up man and would not need me for anything, still, I will always be available for him – emotionally.

There is one thing I missed from my parents in my growing years, i.e. emotional support. I took decisions under pressure and failed. Did succeed in a few yet was unhappy at the end of the day. I felt hopeless and depressed. I only wanted to be understood by my parents but they had their prejudices about how one should only make society approved life choices and always succeed in them. I do not blame them for the attitude, because they had grown up with this mental conditioning. That failure is unacceptable at any stage of life. It’s difficult to change one’s mindset after a certain time, and for a child (read – an adult) trying to condition his/her parents mentally. Unimaginable for our generation, at least in the circle of people I know.

I want to break this stigma around failure. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if one fails. Failure is a part of our life and we learn from failures. I want Kuku to make choices and fail, rather than lead a life pressurized by societal norms. I won’t tell him how to live his life but would support and guide him with my life experiences. He may take my advice or leave it, again his choice. 

What do you think about this approach?

If you are interested to hear more, click on the podcast link below –

Parents and Emotional Availability

For other episodes click below –

https://anchor.fm/namita-das8

Non-parenting Vs Parenting

When I did not have Kuku, I had truckloads of opinions about how a parent should ideally raise a child. Admitting guilty, I have raised eyebrows and twitched my nose at moms when the kids won’t stop screaming or had a temper tantrum in a public place. Thankfully I never went and deliberately said anything to anyone. It would have been so wrong. 

The non-parent in me always believed that a parent is a boss in a parent-child relationship. But now I know, it’s the other way round. 

So whenever a non-parent tries to lecture me about parenting, I have a huge urge like Rachel who once said, ‘No Uterus, No Opinion’ (FRIENDS S8E14). Similarly, my quote to non-parents is ‘No kids, No opinion’. 

It’s so easy to keep talking but get into the crazy pool of parenting struggles. You won’t know until you have stepped into it. So please put your advice where it belongs, in the trash. 

All kids are different and they grow at their own pace, and so do the mothers. They have found their own ways and techniques of dealing with things. 

It might be a case that you don’t have your own child but have a ‘lot’ of experience around kids and you genuinely want to share your experience. Please do, we mothers are always open to learning from experience but kindly refrain from imposing your thoughts or pointing out mistakes in our methods. It’s just inappropriate. 

There is a thin line between sharing experience and imposing. Let’s stay within our boundaries and help each other out without bragging about our methods or demeaning another mother’s approach. 

Women are not born mothers. A mother is born the day the child takes birth. She learns with the child and creates that way of life for the family. 

Share in comments if you have ever faced this situation and how you dealt with it? Let’s discuss. 

A Backpack of Memories

A backpack is not just loaded with travel equipment; it is loaded with a dose of adrenaline, a thirst for adventure, a search for serenity, and maddening courage. Such are the stories in here – stories of identities lost and souls found – in the most beautiful corners of the globe. From the whiff of the culture of Banaras to the majestic glory of the Taj, from the richness of Scotland to the hidden wonders of north-eastern India, and from the serene life in the mountains of Uttarakhand to fighting the climate in Leh, experience the world from the eyes of these backpackers.

Read how travelling alone for the first time gave birth to courage, how an impulsive decision led to a memorable trip, and how the world despite being so huge is actually a small place. Thirty stories, each with a power to leave you in its own sweet trance.
Are you ready to be left spellbound?

Book details –
Editor : Uma Bokil
Publisher : Inkfeathers Publishing (14 March 2022)
Language : English
ISBN-10 : 9390882265
ISBN-13 : 978-9390882267

Dead Man Talking

No one escapes
from life alive.

– Michael Chrichton

Book details –
Publisher : Ukiyoto Publishing (26 October 2021)
Language : English
ISBN-10 : 9354906656
ISBN-13 : 978-9354906657

A Bittersweet Reprieve by Leena Varghese

If you are a Mills and Boon fan, sure you are going to love this.

What is true love? It is depicted in the way Tej and Megha’s relationship matures. This story clearly conveys that relationships get stronger with communication.

I firmly believe the key to a stronger bond is sharing exactly what is in your mind. Because the more you strangle your feelings inside the worse you are doing to your relations. Throughout the book, my mind kept screaming ‘Talk, you two, please’.

My favourite scene from the story is the horse ride. The language is so apt that, I could literally imagine the couple riding horses.

I am sure to check out more books written by Leena.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition.

4.50 from Paddington by Agatha Christie

I felt it was dragged for no reason. There were too many characters to add to the distraction.

The story was slow. You may also scroll through a few pages in between to skip through the drama and still you wouldn’t have missed much. The ending was slightly unexpected and was stagy for the way it unfolded. A few details were unrelated and seemed added to lengthen the investigation.

One time read if you like drama and long conversations.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Audiobook, Hardcover, Paperback and Mass Market Paperback.

Under the Mistletoe & Other Stories by Manali Desai

A book filled with feel-good stories. A collection of emotions ranging from humour, drama, grief blend into memories, childhood trauma, long-distance relationship. If it were not a book, then it was a bouquet of fresh, warm flowers.

My personal favourite story is At the stroke of midnight, a full-on happy drama. Secret Santa was the funniest of the lot.

Touch Me Not had strong emotions. No girl in this world has not been molested or touched inappropriately aware. This story depicts what a girl goes through in her life, how such events impact the tender mind. Quite relatable.

I was looking for more in The War Within and Naughty or Nice.

Overall, it is a good read. I would recommend it to be on your bookshelf to be picked up whenever you are looking for feel-good content. Read anyone out of it, certainly, it will uplift your mood.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition.