Namita Das's Blog, page 73

The Best Advice You Could Ever Get About Punishments V/S Reinforcements

If you are upset about your child’s behaviour, your first reaction would be to punish the child. Obviously, you want them to stop behaving the way they are. Punishment is a method used to decrease or eliminate undesired or unacceptable behaviour. That sounds like a fair point. But what is your reaction – when they are behaving in a desired and acceptable manner? No reaction or simply unnoticed – almost every time.

Ignoring a child is fruitful only when you wish to stop the behaviours that they might be using to get your attention, e.g., throwing tantrums, or interrupting your conversations and work. But again, why is the child using these methods to get your attention. Because not noticing the child’s good behaviour and always only reacting to their bad ones makes them feel that’s the only way to the parent’s/caregiver’s attention. So, technically, we adults are increasing their bad behaviour.

Well, what can be done then? You don’t want them to behave badly but you can’t ignore them.

So, what is the right way to punish them? Let’s find out.

There are two types of punishment –

❖ Positive Punishment
➢ Do or add something unpleasant to the situation to decrease behaviour.
➢ E.g., scolding, extra chores, forcing them to do things they dislike, etc.

❖ Negative Punishment
➢ Take away something pleasant to decrease the behaviour.
➢ E.g., Take away their favourite toy, remove screentime, etc.

It works most of the time but it will also accompany another tantrum followed by extra work and patience required on your end. To avoid this chaotic situation, alternatively, you may try reinforcements. Unlike punishments, reinforcements help increase the desired behaviour and similar to them there are two types of it.

❖ Positive Reinforcement
➢ Doing something pleasant to increase good behaviour.
➢ E.g., Praising, extra screentime/playtime, rewards (to be used wisely)

❖ Negative Reinforcement
➢ Adding something unpleasant to increase good behaviour.
➢ E.g., Adding pressure to perform well.

There is a thin line difference between Positive Punishment and Negative Reinforcement. In Positive Punishment, the child has to face an unpleasant situation after an unacceptable behaviour while in Negative Reinforcement, the child is already facing or may face a displeasing consequence that they can avoid by displaying good behaviour. In other words, it’s enforcement (unlikable) on the child until you get the desired results.

Let’s take a scenario – You want your child to finish their homework, but they are busy playing a video game and just disinterested in the task.

What are the ways can you handle this situation?

❖ Positive Punishment – Scold them, “Why can’t to finish your homework? How many reminders do you need? Shut your game down and pick your book.”
➢ Result – The child would toss the pencil away, throw a tantrum, and might as well talk back or shut down to your yelling.

❖ Negative Punishment – Make it unpleasant for them, “I am taking away your video game because you are not finishing your homework.”
➢ Result – The video game is already gone, and so are the chances of finishing the homework. Unpleasant for them or unpleasant for you?
❖ Negative Reinforcement – Try to come up with a midway solution, if it’s a 2-page homework, then maybe ask them, “Finish one page of homework and then you may go may play your video games”. Or “Finish your homework, until then I will pause your game, you can restart after the work is done.”
➢ Result – This time probably, your child will half-heartedly finish the work. But the chances of increasing the desired behaviour rise.

❖ Positive Reinforcement – “I see you are playing the video game now but that will leave you less time to finish your homework. Won’t it be better if you finish your homework first then you can take the rest of your time to play the game freely.”
➢ Result – Helps the child think and analyse the situation. There are no threats, no scolding but a peaceful scene. Both your child and you come to an amicable resolution. Also, this method will have long-term benefits since the child will start analysing future situations and have better decision-making skills.

To sum it up –

Positive Reinforcement helps your child relate their activities to the consequence. It would mostly tend towards a desirable outcome for both the child as well as the parent. It also means associating good behaviour with rewards. Intangible rewards are gratifying and influence the mind for a longer period compared to tangible ones. For e.g., getting praised or extra playtime will always feel good since that is what a child wants regularly. But when we try to replace these with tangible rewards like stars or coupons or candies, it becomes less interesting after a certain time. Also, candies are unhealthy.

While having said that, Positive Punishment is a common and first sought-out method because it’s easy for the brain to work up when you are annoyed. Parenting can be frustrating and we parents are normal humans who can get irritated running behind a tiny human. But, remember to take a deep breath every time your brain pushes you to yell at the child. Take a few seconds to imagine the scenario, is it going to help you? If not, then again take a deep breath and think what can be the best way to deal with it. Without engaging your mind in the thoughts that make you angry, think of a conflict-free way to manage the situation.

The 5 Self-Love Languages Your Child Should Know

American author and radio talk show host, Gary Demonte Chapman outlined five general ways that couples express love, in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”

This book states the five love languages are –

Words of affirmation.Quality time.Physical touch.Acts of service.Receiving gifts.

These love languages don’t seem to be limited to only romantic connections but can be applied to any relationship universally. Although displayed in diverse ways in different relationships, ultimately it works the same way.

Every person feels valued and loved in a way they like. Some might appreciate a return of gesture in some material form or favour while for others a simple thank-you note will suffice. As we spent time with people, we will master this art of loving and pleasing others. But in this whole process, we sometimes forget to love ourselves. Don’t we?

We teach our kids good behaviour, and discipline, as well as stress moral values from time to time. But lessons on self-love are rare and limited.

Parents are constantly worried about their child’s behaviour in public because they feel that the child’s social conduct is a reflection of their parenting. Thus, increasing the stress on superficial presentation to come across as the finest to others – the best version whom everyone would love. But shouldn’t we all learn to love ourselves first? As the saying goes – you cannot pour from an empty cup. Similarly, if you don’t love yourself truly and don’t appreciate yourself, how are you supposed to do it to others.

So, here are the five love languages that you can teach your child to start with self-love. Also, identify what is their love language and use it to strengthen your bond with them.

Words of affirmation. –Tell your child to look into the mirror and speak these to themselves. – “I am successful.”, “I am confident.” “I am powerful.” “I am strong.” “I am getting better and better every day.”, “All I need is within me right now.” “I wake up motivated.” “I am an unstoppable force of nature.”

This will help them to appreciate themselves. Repeating positive self-affirmations is the language you use to communicate with your mind. The boost of self-confidence that comes after, is like a refuel you need just when you are about to run out of your own batteries.

You may use positive and motivating words for your child to encourage them in your daily interactions as well. Listen actively when you do so. Also, remember to praise their efforts whenever it needs recognition.

Quality time. – Spending quality time with yourself isn’t an easy task. The brain is always working on some mental notes, to-dos, past incidents, etc. The same goes for your child’s mind.

To help relax, ask your child to practice meditation. If your child is fidgety and it is hard for them to sit and relax in a place, teach methods like self-talk or journalling. Get a diary/planner with preset questions like – “how was the day?”, “How is the current mood?”, “what was good during the day?”, “what made you feel confident?” Make it a habit to write in this diary regularly. This will help them to self-reflect as well as to strategize improvement plans.

Having one-to-one uninterrupted conversations with your child will give them the quality time they need from their parents. You can also have special moments with them like long walks. Just be aware to stay distraction-free when you are spending quality time with them. Also do not go for very long without any one-to-ones with them.

Physical touch. – Hugging someone for twenty seconds releases the bonding hormone oxytocin, also known as the “feel good” hormone. Oxytocin helps boost the immune system, improve mood and reduce stress. Ask your child to hug their favourite person for twenty seconds, be it mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, their pet, their best friends or their favourite soft toy.

You can also make it a daily practice to have a cuddle time with your child before bed or if your child is older then a twenty seconds hug ritual before bed.

Important note – Physical touch is a critical topic to be discussed. Your child should be made aware of good touch and bad touch so that they do not misunderstand and accept bad touch as a love language. Have this talk during your one-to-one with the child.

Acts of service. – It feels good when you do something good for others. If your child is older, encourage them to volunteer for social service activities. It helps create a feeling of relatedness in the community as well as gives a purpose and sense of fulfilment. For the younger ones, letting them help with household chores is an option.

As a parent, if you see your child loaded and overwhelmed with tasks, offer to help them. Let them know you are available not just emotionally but also ready to lend help to lighten their burden. Don’t stuff them with tasks and ignore them.

Receiving gifts. – Well, this is a debatable topic but gifts need not be materialistic all the time. Making yourself a priority is the biggest gift one can give themselves. Making sacrifices and compromises is a part and parcel of life but let your child know that they should always put their needs first. Unless they are considerate about their own needs, one cannot expect them to be understanding of others’ expectations. Unmet needs lead to a dissatisfied life which will hamper their daily social life.

Having said that, when they show mindfulness and give you the gift of their time and efforts, remember to express gratitude. Also, do not forget special occasions like birthdays or to celebrate small achievements.

Sad Cypress by Agatha Christie

This is my first Poirot book and I am a bit disappointed considering all the good words I have heard about the series.

The book is in 3 three parts, the first part is where the murder happens, the second is the investigation where Poirot enters, third is all court drama. The first part felt dragged into too many unnecessary conversations. I was going to stop reading it after a point since it felt like going nowhere but I kept going (all because of the praises I heard). I am glad I continued, second part gets interesting when Poirot comes in and the courtroom drama was engaging and kept me hooked.

I didn’t see it coming, I couldn’t have guessed the murderer but I am not convinced by the reasoning given behind the deed. I can’t say more without giving spoilers and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone.

Read it once for sure, and skim through the first part if you are not interested in a family drama.

Some quotes from the book –

‘The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask.’ ‘And underneath?’ ‘Underneath is the primitive human man or woman.’Old sins have long shadows, as they say! But I’m not one to talk, and I shan’t say another word.’‘But she is in her grave, and oh, The difference to me!’‘Ah, but life is like that! It does not permit you to arrange and order it as you will. It will not permit you to escape emotion, to live by the intellect and by reason! You cannot say, “I will feel so much and no more.” Life, Mr Welman, whatever else it is, is not reasonable!’When you’re in the middle of a nightmare something ordinary is the only hope. Anyway, ordinary things are the best, I’ve always thought so.’She condemned herself—because she judged herself by a more exacting standard than ordinary humanity applies!’‘Can you not accept facts? She loved Roderick Welman. What of it? With you, she can be happy…’

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Audiobook, Hardcover and Paperback.

6 Little Tips to Raise an Active Listener

Ever wondered why your child never responds instantly and positively when you ask them. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You keep calling their name, repeat your instructions and even end up yelling at them but these little monsters don’t budge. And, you wonder again, what is their problem?

Let’s take a moment here. Do you really think it is their problem? Or, is it something we parents and elders are doing wrong?

Imagine a scenario. You are comfortably sitting on your couch browsing through your phone, and suddenly someone screams and passes on some instructions. How did you feel? Did you want to get up and finish the chore at that moment or you were ok to let it go for some time? Again after a few minutes, you hear a loud shriek of instruction. Irritating, right?

Now, imagine someone standing in front of your face while you are still on that couch, and this person is repeating some instructions in a shrill voice. Did you really feel obliged to do it? I know you didn’t. You may get up huffing and sighing and work your way through half-heartedly and get the job done. Just to get rid of this annoying person.

This is just one instance but this is what happens to the kids all throughout the day. We, especially moms are constantly telling them what to do, what not to do, when to eat, how much to eat, switch off the phone, go and study, clean your room, brush your teeth and so on and on. No one likes to take instructions all the time, and the tiny brains of the little ones find it hard to grasp the continuous flurry of demands. They feel and sometimes also say it – Mom, give it a rest. I am sure you don’t like hearing that.

Well, here are six little tips that we can apply in our daily routine and help ease it out for our little ones as well as us. It will be a day to celebrate when none of you is either yelling or frustrated. 

Read on for some quick and easy steps to raise an active listener.

Listen, actively and give your full attention. – When your child speaks to you listen attentively. Give a nod to what they say, even try to summarise and clarify that you understand them correctly. If they are feeling sad or angry or happy or excited, teach them to label their emotions. Also, accept their emotions, kids tend to get overwhelmed easily. Don’t just dismiss their feelings because they are small. Place a hand on their shoulder or hold hands, this helps them feel a connection. Maintain eye contact when you communicate, that helps them feel safe and understood. And, remember while you are up to it bend down or squat to their level, mind it it’s a good exercise for your core too. Two birds in a shot.Ask permission, don’t interrupt. – As I said, in the scenario above, no one likes to be interrupted. So do the kids. If they are busy doing something even if it means watching TV or playing games, say – ‘Excuse me, I need a moment for…..’ Ask for their permission, this sets the tone in place that there is going to be a two-way conversation and not a one-way forceful flow of instructions to do some chore that the child was already avoiding.Be less demanding. – Forcing instructions comes across as very demanding of you and they start feeling out of control. Instead speak in a way where they feel they are in control of things. For e.g., instead of asking them to stop the game right away and finish their homework, say – if you finish your homework now you will have extra free time afterward to play the game.Read to them and read with them. – Reading with your child is one of the best and simplest activities that help build a bond with them. It also helps improve their vocabulary which will enhance their communication and expression. Although simple this might seem tedious, especially for non-reader parents. If you are in this zone then implementing a reading schedule may become a hectic job. Come on how are you going to convince someone to do something you yourself aren’t keen on. But kids need to read, it is essential for their growth. In such a case, you may start by letting your child browse through the book as per their delight. While they do so just sit next to them and flip pages of any book that pleases you. It builds an impression of reading and might help develop curiosity in the child. While your child is developing their reading skills, who knows you may turn into a reader too.Never speak in front of them as if they don’t understand. – Kids stay with you 24/7 unless you are working from the office or they are going to school. Obviously, they start understanding your gestures, expressions, and words. Even if they don’t use the same language as you, they already know what is going on. On the other hand, sometimes we adults gradually fail to realize that the child has grown enough to grasp everything and we just go on blabbering amongst ourselves as if they don’t exist. Try to look at your child like another person in the room. Don’t discuss anything unpleasant that you need to discuss especially ‘them’. Wouldn’t you be careful if that topic included your colleague or relative? Would you speak about them in front of them or stay mindful of who all might be listening to you?Give Simple and Small instructions. – I have done this mistake numerous times in the past and I have already learned a lesson in communication from my child. If you give too many instructions to anyone who is not noting them down, they are going to forget a few of them by the time you are at your last sentence. So, do the kids. If you tell them, go and finish your homework, and while you are in your room clean the mess before you go to bed. Er! I myself would be exhausted breaking down this complex instruction. Instead, break it down to your kid. One thing at a time. Prioritize what you need first, homework or clean room, and request your child accordingly.

Bonus Tip: Praise when they listen actively. – Lastly, whenever they listen and pay attention, praise them. Praise is one of the best positive reinforcements that you can offer to a child. That leaves them boosted and encourages good behavior. Also, isn’t that what you wanted since the start, now that you have started getting it, acknowledge and celebrate. It is your achievement too.

Rumours Of Spring by Farah Bashir

This is one of the most disturbing reads I have had in the recent past.

Having grown up in a free environment with friends and family, celebrating festivals, we were able to go to school every day, meet people, live and laugh. But when I read this book from a Kashmiri teenage girl’s perspective, I shuddered. There are people in one part of my country living such a hopeless life fearing that today might be their last day on the earth. Afraid their family members who left for a menial chore may or may not come back. Dreadful indeed.

In places, it felt biased but there is no denying that civil people are suffering in Kashmir. Reading this book, your heart will go out to all those innocent beings whose only wish is to live a peaceful life, eat freely, roam around as they please, and not survive in fear. They have no other agenda, they just want to live but all they find is depression and hopelessness.

We are all aware of mental health issues and working to address them but this one provoked me to think. People like Farah and her family have been dealing with trauma and anxiety for a long time but working on their mental health issues might be the last topic one would talk on. The hair-pulling part wrenched my gut and I just wanted to hug that young girl. more without giving spoilers, so go read it.

Some quotes from the book –

To expect change in the season in a month’s time felt less like a reality but more like rumours of spring.One day, she said that wanwun belonged to the funerals of young men now rather than to the weddings.The marching seeped into our silences, punctuated our conversations with pauses, which, in turn, jumbled our thoughts and our language.Who knew they would eventually become landmarks and become a part of our addresses: ‘the house next to the small bunker’, ‘the lane before the large bunker’!That wasn’t surprising, because living in a conflict zone had taught us that the broken stayed broken for a long time.IT IS FASCINATING HOW FAST people adapt to their new circumstances. It’s as if the old ones never existed.Doctors diagnosed the condition as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, like they did for everyone else. Mir, a friend of mine, once joked that the acronym’s expansion needed a revision in Kashmir. It should have stood for Perennially Traumatic Stress Disorder, he said.Though the writing in Urdu looked appealing and calligraphic, it also meant wrapping notebooks with unending deaths, killings, arrests and protests printed on those broadsheets.The newsprint smiles on the faces of the models in the advertisements made me wonder if I would be a different person altogether had I grown up away from a conflict zone, outside of a disputed territory.Our lives were controlled from elsewhere and the dreams that we dreamt were always at the mercy of someone else, someone occupying us, ruling us.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Audiobook, Hardcover and Paperback.

Rock Paper Scissors by Alice Feeney

Has it ever happened that you are reading a book and question yourself- why why why, and then you suddenly realise – that’s why. To the point that you have to close the book and the whole story starts replaying in front of you and you scratch your head thinking what you have been reading till now was not what it is. I know I blabbered but if it makes any sense, pick up this book.

Amelia and Adam have issues in their marriage and Amelia thinks a weekend getaway might help fix them. She has won the weekend trip from a work raffle and they visit only to find out it is an old chapel. The journey doesn’t start as well as one can imagine for a romantic getaway, eerie noises, terrifying eyes watching you, a power cut, unexpected snowfall, and car tyres getting stashed.

It’s a perfect recipe for a horror-thriller book but then twists occur and it unravels the truth. Only one of the two will go back home, who would that be?

In the initial chapters, it seems that both Amelia and Adam have their secrets and both of them are out to get each other. But what comes later will blow your mind away. The only thing that felt out of place was October’s character. Her whole existence in this story feels irrelevant. Kind of a filler to make the reader dislike one or the other character but unnecessary.

Overall, one of the best mystery thrillers I have read in a long time. I rarely enjoy books with multiple POVs but this is an exception. I can’t say more without giving spoilers, so go read it.

Some quotes from the book –

To have wasted so much of our lives by not really living them makes me feel so sad.All people are addicts, and all addicts desire the same thing: an escape from reality.Believing in someone is one of the greatest gifts you can give them, it’s free and the results can be priceless.Some people say that marriage is like wine and gets better with age, but I guess it all depends on the grapes.Affection is like playing the piano and you can forget how to do it without practice.Enjoy the stories of other people’s lives, but don’t forget to live your own.Life is like a game where pawns can become queens, but not everyone knows how to play. Some people stay pawns their whole lives because they never learned to make the right moves.The reason why a person lies is almost always more interesting than the lie itself.atelophobia noun the fear of not doing something right or the fear of not being good enough. An extreme anxiety of failure to achieve perfection.monachopsis noun the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place. Unable to recognise your intended habitat, never feeling as though you are at home.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition and Paperback.

Paper Moon by Rehana Munir

If you have ever dreamt of owning a bookstore or a book cafe in Mumbai, this book is for you.

Fiza’s transition from being a usual college-goer to a successful businesswoman is smooth. Still, at the same time, you will also experience all the background struggle she goes through, from setting up the store to getting book cataloged, hiring employees, etc.

Not all is business in this world, but not everything is out of a dream. The best trait I loved about Fiza was that she has been coping with a breakup, working her way out of a dysfunctional family, yet superficially is a strong-headed mature lady with a heart of gold. There are bigger confusions in every person’s life, but what is important is how they hold themselves together and walk ahead.

I haven’t been to London and Edinburgh, but Bombay and books are my love, and this story of Fiza revolving around these two things has taken my heart away. The depictions of Bombay, London, and Edinburgh, are a plus. If you immerse yourself in the plot, you will be taken on an idyllic tour to the places of love.

It is slow in some places, but you will love it if you are a romanticist.

Some beautiful quotes from the book –

romantic declarations were a strict no-no, unless they were wry or ironic, and this one was decidedly cheesy.To Dhruv, the future was to be invented. She, on the other hand, thought of the future as something to respond to.Noor, for all her complexity, had simple tastes. Chaat and ganne ka ras. Paan and gajra. Rajnigandha and Bata. She was both easy and impossible to please. It was all about the moment.But a second later, she found books entering the trolley of their own will, as if commanded by a Hogwarts spell. Virginia Woolf, Iris Murdoch, Muriel Spark – the holy trio were some of the first to jump in. Milan Kundera followed Amitav Ghosh, Dostoevsky chased Mario Vargas Llosa in some kind of mad hatter’s literary tea party. Nick Hornby and Sue Townsend added some laughs. Darwin and Nietzsche kept the rest in check. Rumi’s loftiness, Calvino’s bizarreness, Arundhati’s Royness – things were getting along nicely when Fiza realized this had to end.She was still an avowed existentialist, but one who was compelled to believe in uplifting twists of fate.Woh log bahut khush-qismat thay Jo ishq ko kaam samajhte thay Ya kaam se aashiqui karte thay‘Second-hand books are wild books, homeless books; they have come together in vast flocks of variegated feather, and have a charm which the domesticated volumes of the library lack,’“People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.” Iris Murdoch,’two travellers lost in a colourful maze of a million love stories going this way and that at that very moment.One’s prime is elusive. You little girls, when you grow up, must be on the alert to recognise your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur. You must then live it to the full.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Audiobook, Paperback, and Audio CD.

Mindful Musings & Peaceful Ponderings by Manali Desai

There are 50 freestyle poems, each having a distinct flavour.

It has something to offer to everyone. The variation of emotions flowing in the poems is relatable. The best part of this book is the writing style. It doesn’t go with lines ending with rhyming words, yet it sounds musical. The illustrations at the start of each poem are the showstopper. It sets the mood of the reader and makes the reading more relevant.

Do read. Take your time and savour the assortment of flavours it presents.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition.

It’s Time!

My babysitter has been complaining for the last few weeks. “The auto-lock on the door has become faulty. Please fix it. It’s a risk for your child.”

The door opens on its own, she said. I kept asking her to check and recheck if she had tightly shut the door. The other day, she said she remembered bolting the door with the key, yet it opened. I kept hedging. It may be the wind forcing the door open, or maybe the woman’s age is catching up.

Today, I have a day off. The worst part of being a working mom is being unable to spend enough time with my only son. At the same time, not getting sufficient rest because of my hectic schedule and demanding job. Yet, life goes on.

Since I was home, my babysitter got this opportunity to call it a day earlier than usual. Even I wanted some quality time with my three-year-old. It works for me.

After lunch, she left for the day. I shut the door and picked up my son for a quick afternoon nap.

Singing a lullaby and patting him to sleep, I don’t recall when I dozed off. I was startled awake by a giggling sound. I sat up straight on my bed, it was late afternoon in the month of May, and I still felt chilly. I couldn’t interpret for a couple of minutes where I was. My hair was standing erect on my hands and legs. I rubbed them hard to generate some heat, yet it was freezing.

I looked around, realising that my son was not on the bed beside me. I heard the chuckles again. Rubbing my body to feel the warmth, I wrapped myself with a shawl and walked out of the bedroom. My son was playing there, giggling and making noises. It was a cute scene; this is what I have been missing while at work. I watched him pretend to play with his kitchen set, making snacks and pouring a cup of tea for himself. How I adored him!

I was still standing there when I saw his face drop. He said. “Bye.”

I walked up to him smiling and asked, “Who are you saying bye to? A friend?”

“No, Mommy, that’s not my friend.” He turned around and looked at the door, which suddenly pushed open. “Bye, Nani, come again tomorrow.” He looked at me curiously. “Mommy, say bye to Nani. She is waving at you.” He pointed towards the door.

Shivers ran down my spine. My mother passed away a month ago. The doctors declared her dead that dreaded day around 4 in the evening. I looked at the wall clock, and it struck four gongs.

Ordeal by Innocence by Agatha Christie

A murder case has to be reopened, but the accused murderer, Jacko, is dead. He died while serving in prison. The prime witness Dr Calgary returns after a year of the murder (for medical reasons, he wasn’t found during the trial) and testifies that Jacko was telling the truth. Jacko was indeed with Dr Calgary during the suspected murder time. Jacko gets a posthumous free pardon. Now the question is, if Jacko isn’t the murderer of Rachel Argyle, his mother, then who is?

If you read the starting chapters carefully, a clear hint has been thrown as to who the real murderer is. I somehow had already guessed it. The plot was exciting, but the dialogues and conversations were repetitive and went on and on in circles. At a point, I felt will we never get to the end. Also, Dr Calgary solves the case in the end, but he isn’t really the detective. He does his part detecting, but it wasn’t as engaging as Phillip did. The sad part is that he got less time in the book, I expected him to be the main character going around looking for clues, but that part was given to Philip.

It is a good read if you have the patience to go through the same thing repeatedly.

Some nice quotes from the book –

“Nothing is ever settled until–”’ ‘“Until it is settled right,”’ Miss Vaughan finished for him. ‘Kipling.’It’s not the guilty who matter. It’s the innocent.’‘Justice is, after all, in the hands of men, and men are fallible.’We rehearse a thing beforehand in our own minds, it doesn’t matter what it is, consultation with another practitioner, proposal of marriage to a young lady, talk with your boy before going back to school–when the thing comes off, it never goes as you thought it would. You’ve thought it out, you see; all the things that you are going to say and you’ve usually made up your mind what the answers are going to be. And, of course, that’s what throws you off every time. The answers never are what you think they will be.isn’t it the Chinese who held that beneficence is to be accounted a sin rather than a virtue?The thing she didn’t give them and that they needed, was a little plain, honest-to-goodness neglect.‘Someone was guilty–and got away with it. But the others were innocent–and didn’t get away with anything.’Devotion was all very well when you could get away from it for nine or ten hours of the day. It was a nice thing to come home to. But now he was lapped round with it; watched over, cared for, cherished. It made one yearn for a little wholesome neglect…One had, in fact, to find ways to escape.She’s the age when women go slightly off their rocker in one way or another.Venus toute entière à sa proie attaché… And that Mary he did not love.

Available on Amazon Kindle Edition, Audiobook, Hardcover and Paperback.