Soutam Banerjee's Blog
November 9, 2020
Spill the Beans
Whenever I think about you, I start talking to my coffee mug as it is a gateway to my amalgamated emotions whenever something pulls me down. The froth over my cup of coffee feels dead inside when the bubbles leave them midway and settle down a bit. It frightens me a lot whether you will end up being that superficial and leave my hands during the high tides and lofty rides. I feel sorry for those coffee beans which have travelled so far just to immerse me in its nutty and smoky aroma coupled with its inherent bitterness. I wonder whether our toxic togetherness will end up creating enough bitter memories to sustain for a lifetime. As and when I reach the bottom of my cup of cappuccino, I realise that a milky lump of sugar has cascaded along the walls and precipitated itself for quite some time. I start thinking about the juncture of the tunnel when my soul was searching for you but you already were on the other side beyond my horizon.
P.S - My coffee mug never betrays me in those disconsolate dark phases of my life...
P.S - My coffee mug never betrays me in those disconsolate dark phases of my life...
The Mystery Woman
An insomniac mind with a blatant soul enters my ruptured world one day... My crimson red scars, the grey heart and those trembling knees could not resonate with her oozing elegance. The heart smiled at this coincidence and asked, "Who's there??" ... To my surprise, nobody answered. The anxiety went a notch higher when a lean silhouette could be seen at the other end.. With kohl around her lash lines, blood red matte lipstick, a neckpiece resting swiftly on her invisible collar bones, a taffy pink top resembling the chubby cheeks of a schoolgirl, unkempt fuzzy hair, earrings like the mist droplets on a winter morning and a giggle as turbulent as the ripples in the ocean; she enters this mysterious dungeon. The wicked mind was sceptical, but the foolish heart whispered in my ears ...."Let the thoughts travel, let the feelings flourish, let the confusions sail, let the disturbances settle, let the hopes prevail and let the ....... prosper" As soon as I was going to tap her from the back, she just dwindled away like those fireflies in the dark...☹️☹️☹️
When the brain shuts off
When the brain shuts off its occipital lobe making us numb when the happy hormones take a detour when the heart stops aching anymore when the smiles can't cover up the scars inside you when the eyes do the talking when the city lights can't hide the darkness inside when the separations become a timeless phenomenon when the silence takes over the goodbyes when the autumn seems far away when the dawn seems like a nightmare when the lilacs seem colorless; and when the memories get engraved on the canvas eternally... 😞😞😞
P.S - The mist might condense on the periphery for the time being, but the droplets never die inside... 🙃🙃🙃
P.S - The mist might condense on the periphery for the time being, but the droplets never die inside... 🙃🙃🙃
The WOMAN - The First Sight
August 2012. Sorry, I am bad at remembering dates. From my mom’s birthday to those historical events in the school textbooks, they never had the privilege to find a place in my memory storage close to 2.5 petabytes. But, little did I know, the day was going to be engraved on my neural networks for years to come. It was an usual day for a final year engineering undergraduate as the lecture rooms were running empty whereas the canteens were running short of tables and cigarettes. Those were the days when Monday Blues would be attending the 8 am lectures and the Friday Fantasies would be checking out the fresher girls at the college canteen beating the nicotine ash and smoke in the air.
She was pretty new to the college and just like any other goodlooking fresher, she turned out to be the coffee table gossip too soon. Although she might have heard a lot about the college since her dad was an alumnus of the same, still I had a feeling you ought to miss the soul of a college unless you experience the extravaganza on your own. The college is like a living entity made up of flesh and blood which undergoes metamorphosis with time to keep the campus alive. She used to walk down from the girl’s hostel towards the administrative building everyday; crossing the university canteen with the enthusiasm to be a part of that legacy amalgamated with the fear of being ragged by the seniors.
Scorching summer heat, the humidity levels soaring too high to test the perseverance level of Kolkata, and the bleak placement season knocking impatiently on the door. The “Majestic August” was showing its true colours finally. Amidst all these events which were pulling me down, procrastinating the practical submissions a bit more helped me rejuvenate a bit. One fine afternoon, when I decided to break the monotony by attending the sleep inducing afternoon lectures, the defining moment came to sweep me off my feet.
A girl with a cute pixie haircut without any other accoutrements, messy buns of hair, the geeky spectacles flaunting a retro look, tangerine floral top and a faded blue denim, the eyes dreaming of making it big one day and that aura of freshness and spirituality radiating from her. I saw her for the first time. At that moment, I felt like being in the seventh heaven with the exalted angels around me. The charismatic vibes emanating from her made me stare at her long enough like an idiotic senior. Like any other engineering college, a pretty girl roaming around is no less than a Daffodil blooming in the summers; an abstraction far away from the actualities.
For a second, I thought of walking up to her, introducing myself and slipping in some cheesy one liners. Before I could fall into the vicious trap of this creepy act, I saw her being surrounded by few of my batchmates. The harassment went on for some time, and she felt quite desolated at the end just like the shedded leaves in the Autumnal Agony. I felt like intervening in their so called funny introductory session; rescuing the damsel in distress from her sufferings like a caring senior but the over burdening peer pressure made me refrain myself from being her saviour. Finally, when my fellow batchmates let her walk away, somehow I felt relieved within as if an innocent bird has been set free from the shackles of confinement in which she had been put into by some inhumane creatures since ages.
“Disgusted, detested and disturbed” said the look on her face, as this was not the college she used to fancy about from the bedtime lullabies she had been listening to since her childhood. It was painful for me to leave her in such a helpless situation. The heart cried out loud to console her, but the mind had an obscurity for the same. My voice was not vehement enough to oppose such a shameless act. Although it can not be termed as our first encounter in a literal sense, still the sweet-and-sour memory of seeing her for the very first time will remain with me forever as she rushed away to her hostel with that feeling of resentment against everyone. At times, I begin to mull over the various possibilities that would arise if I had intervened and stood by her on that day. But, as they say, few stories are meant to unravel themselves in the most mystical way on their own.
She was pretty new to the college and just like any other goodlooking fresher, she turned out to be the coffee table gossip too soon. Although she might have heard a lot about the college since her dad was an alumnus of the same, still I had a feeling you ought to miss the soul of a college unless you experience the extravaganza on your own. The college is like a living entity made up of flesh and blood which undergoes metamorphosis with time to keep the campus alive. She used to walk down from the girl’s hostel towards the administrative building everyday; crossing the university canteen with the enthusiasm to be a part of that legacy amalgamated with the fear of being ragged by the seniors.
Scorching summer heat, the humidity levels soaring too high to test the perseverance level of Kolkata, and the bleak placement season knocking impatiently on the door. The “Majestic August” was showing its true colours finally. Amidst all these events which were pulling me down, procrastinating the practical submissions a bit more helped me rejuvenate a bit. One fine afternoon, when I decided to break the monotony by attending the sleep inducing afternoon lectures, the defining moment came to sweep me off my feet.
A girl with a cute pixie haircut without any other accoutrements, messy buns of hair, the geeky spectacles flaunting a retro look, tangerine floral top and a faded blue denim, the eyes dreaming of making it big one day and that aura of freshness and spirituality radiating from her. I saw her for the first time. At that moment, I felt like being in the seventh heaven with the exalted angels around me. The charismatic vibes emanating from her made me stare at her long enough like an idiotic senior. Like any other engineering college, a pretty girl roaming around is no less than a Daffodil blooming in the summers; an abstraction far away from the actualities.
For a second, I thought of walking up to her, introducing myself and slipping in some cheesy one liners. Before I could fall into the vicious trap of this creepy act, I saw her being surrounded by few of my batchmates. The harassment went on for some time, and she felt quite desolated at the end just like the shedded leaves in the Autumnal Agony. I felt like intervening in their so called funny introductory session; rescuing the damsel in distress from her sufferings like a caring senior but the over burdening peer pressure made me refrain myself from being her saviour. Finally, when my fellow batchmates let her walk away, somehow I felt relieved within as if an innocent bird has been set free from the shackles of confinement in which she had been put into by some inhumane creatures since ages.
“Disgusted, detested and disturbed” said the look on her face, as this was not the college she used to fancy about from the bedtime lullabies she had been listening to since her childhood. It was painful for me to leave her in such a helpless situation. The heart cried out loud to console her, but the mind had an obscurity for the same. My voice was not vehement enough to oppose such a shameless act. Although it can not be termed as our first encounter in a literal sense, still the sweet-and-sour memory of seeing her for the very first time will remain with me forever as she rushed away to her hostel with that feeling of resentment against everyone. At times, I begin to mull over the various possibilities that would arise if I had intervened and stood by her on that day. But, as they say, few stories are meant to unravel themselves in the most mystical way on their own.
The Woman - The First Call
November, 2015. This story spans through a phase of three long years, which started somewhere in the late summer of 2012 as an euphoric sensation of “love at first sight” and somehow culminates in the Autumn of 2015 over our first phone call. Lets roll back to the first part of the story where I saw her for the first time. As she walked away from the scene with sheer hatred in her heart against everyone, I headed for my lectures with a sense of grief and a short-lived sense of infatuation in my heart for her. Back then, I brushed it off as an irregular cardiac rhythm owing to those four years of excessive caffeine and nicotine consumption. To my surprise, the ephemeral sensation stayed longer than usual compared to my old school crushes just like the summer solstice that year.
Attending the afternoon lectures became an integral part of my itinerary with a desire of bumping into her somewhere someday. Even a lean silhouette of her against the dimming sky would breathe hope in my heart, but the Almighty had some other plans. Pretty soon, the optimism turned into a state of despair, the infatuation turned into some sort of obsession, the inquisitiveness turned into shameless stalking; and I murdered my conscience to dig up some of her details from those fellow classmates only who harassed her in the first place. For all those college romances which remains confined in the tightly woven cocoons of rejections forever, Mark Zuckerberg came to their rescue with a phenomenon known as Facebook. It was meant to connect with our loved ones but it largely turned into a medium for us to release our psychological inhibitions. I succumbed to my impulses and sent her a friend request. “…………. accepted your friend request” read my notification tab the very next day. I felt a certain rush of dopamine, “butterflies in my stomach” was not just another idiom in the English Dictionary for me anymore.
With each passing day, as the conversation thread was getting longer, I felt like moving an inch closer to her heart. Although my presence on her Facebook profile was not even making an iota of difference in her life, still the pop-up of our chat-box created a saccharine world of its own for me. She was an ambivert, lying somewhere between the two extreme poles of human behaviour. A sense of abhorrence for selfies and display pics, profound love for Animes and Age of Empires, confidence with a hint of arrogance, a closed book with many intertwined layers underneath and an unresolved mystery. Over a period of one year or so, even though the tab “acquaintances with her” was checkboxed in the reel life, but I was miles away from being one in the real life. While I was busy in tieing the loose ends of our story, never did I realise that the thread itself was loosening up. The college was coming to an end. Like any other 21 year old millennial, those four years would be etched in my heart forever. When I looked back at the things which I missed out while hopping on to the next phase of my life, the hesitation to ask her out even once in those three years kept haunting me in dark distressing nights.
The exchage of pleasantries with crests and troughs of blatant flirtations went on between us for a prolonged period of two years. Seasons passed by, and she was in her final year toiling hard for her placements. Her hard work paid off when she got placed at “Tata Steel”, which was an alluring dreamworld for me once upon a time. I really used to connect with its tagline “where values are stronger than steel”, since it pushed me to run the extra mile no matter what lies ahead. But, her life was nothing less than a prolonged episode of Dungeons and Dragons where the twists and turns were a never ending saga. Since her dad was an ex-employee of the same organisation she was placed at, few of her batchmates were emphatic about an angle of nepotism. Brushing aside all those accusations, she chose to muffle those voices with her actions rather than appeasing them with words. She read Tagore a lot, and thus she imbibed “Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high” in her life too.
While dealing with such pessimistic characters around her, she was oblivious to her silent well wisher miles away from her. When life was giving her lemons, I thought of offering her a lemonade. Going against my primary instincts, I took the leap of faith and called her up for the first time ever. As the call got connected; the fingers were twitching, the eyelids were fluttering, the anxiety was settling, and my voice was trembling.
Me: “Hey, how have you been?” (I missed you a lot, the heart murmured)
She: Umm, hi… That’s quite a surprise. You have never called before or you? (an ethereal voice answered from the other end)
Me: Umm no, I just thought of checking up on you.. (I wish I could be your companion in these tough times, hold your hands and stride along together to the unknown)
She: Ya, few odd things are going on in my life. The placement, then the rumours and all. I told you, right… Just making me a bit stronger hopefully. Otherwise, times are good lately. The semesters got over… (a sigh of relief)
Me: Oops sorry, I know it is a bit too late but congratulations on getting placed amigo. You would be living my dream (I know there had been many congratulatory calls but I sincerely hope its a special one for you) …….
……. And, regarding all those rumours; just believe in yourself, stand straight, put up a smile and rise like a phoenix from the ashes of your dead insecurities. Remember, the fog might seem to be dense enough but that only justifies the solace in the Spring ahead.
She: Hey, thanks a lot. It made me feel really good. The words had a healing effect… (Little did she know, her well being had been an inseparable part of my morning prayers)
Me: blush blush (a lifetime passed in that heartbeat)… Well, you still seem to hate getting clicked, right? The same profile picture over the last few years on Facebook… (the backdrop of Ganges, her geeky glasses, her Allen Solly purplish blue tee, leaning against a wall with a wildstyle graffiti on it and her expressions while faking a candid; the photo receptors did not miss a single detail….)
She: Yeah, it seems like that. I can’t get along with the camera ever. Call me absurd but this won’t change… (an array of her perfect imperfections)
Me: Hey, a quick update. You know, I have been watching Naruto lately. I quite like the first few episodes… (venturing out into that alien world was a pathetic and painful experience…)
She: Oh, nice. You seem to be catching up… Btw, I have been following your movie reviews. Good job, man… Listen, I am getting late for my lectures and the professor hates me for coming late. I need to go now. I will call you up…. (What would have happened if the professor scolded her one more time for coming late? I didn’t want this to end too soon…)
Me: Yeah, no issues. Even, I have a job to attend too… Will catch up soon… (the heart failed to overrun the mind yet again, and ended up making an excuse)
She disconnected the call, and it displayed “Last call duration- 9 mins and 42 secs” on the screen. The call might be a short one, but it was long enough to have a feeling as if her voice was reverberating around. A voice inside me popped up “the ship has not sailed yet, the water is not turbulent yet and the story is not over yet………”
Attending the afternoon lectures became an integral part of my itinerary with a desire of bumping into her somewhere someday. Even a lean silhouette of her against the dimming sky would breathe hope in my heart, but the Almighty had some other plans. Pretty soon, the optimism turned into a state of despair, the infatuation turned into some sort of obsession, the inquisitiveness turned into shameless stalking; and I murdered my conscience to dig up some of her details from those fellow classmates only who harassed her in the first place. For all those college romances which remains confined in the tightly woven cocoons of rejections forever, Mark Zuckerberg came to their rescue with a phenomenon known as Facebook. It was meant to connect with our loved ones but it largely turned into a medium for us to release our psychological inhibitions. I succumbed to my impulses and sent her a friend request. “…………. accepted your friend request” read my notification tab the very next day. I felt a certain rush of dopamine, “butterflies in my stomach” was not just another idiom in the English Dictionary for me anymore.
With each passing day, as the conversation thread was getting longer, I felt like moving an inch closer to her heart. Although my presence on her Facebook profile was not even making an iota of difference in her life, still the pop-up of our chat-box created a saccharine world of its own for me. She was an ambivert, lying somewhere between the two extreme poles of human behaviour. A sense of abhorrence for selfies and display pics, profound love for Animes and Age of Empires, confidence with a hint of arrogance, a closed book with many intertwined layers underneath and an unresolved mystery. Over a period of one year or so, even though the tab “acquaintances with her” was checkboxed in the reel life, but I was miles away from being one in the real life. While I was busy in tieing the loose ends of our story, never did I realise that the thread itself was loosening up. The college was coming to an end. Like any other 21 year old millennial, those four years would be etched in my heart forever. When I looked back at the things which I missed out while hopping on to the next phase of my life, the hesitation to ask her out even once in those three years kept haunting me in dark distressing nights.
The exchage of pleasantries with crests and troughs of blatant flirtations went on between us for a prolonged period of two years. Seasons passed by, and she was in her final year toiling hard for her placements. Her hard work paid off when she got placed at “Tata Steel”, which was an alluring dreamworld for me once upon a time. I really used to connect with its tagline “where values are stronger than steel”, since it pushed me to run the extra mile no matter what lies ahead. But, her life was nothing less than a prolonged episode of Dungeons and Dragons where the twists and turns were a never ending saga. Since her dad was an ex-employee of the same organisation she was placed at, few of her batchmates were emphatic about an angle of nepotism. Brushing aside all those accusations, she chose to muffle those voices with her actions rather than appeasing them with words. She read Tagore a lot, and thus she imbibed “Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high” in her life too.
While dealing with such pessimistic characters around her, she was oblivious to her silent well wisher miles away from her. When life was giving her lemons, I thought of offering her a lemonade. Going against my primary instincts, I took the leap of faith and called her up for the first time ever. As the call got connected; the fingers were twitching, the eyelids were fluttering, the anxiety was settling, and my voice was trembling.
Me: “Hey, how have you been?” (I missed you a lot, the heart murmured)
She: Umm, hi… That’s quite a surprise. You have never called before or you? (an ethereal voice answered from the other end)
Me: Umm no, I just thought of checking up on you.. (I wish I could be your companion in these tough times, hold your hands and stride along together to the unknown)
She: Ya, few odd things are going on in my life. The placement, then the rumours and all. I told you, right… Just making me a bit stronger hopefully. Otherwise, times are good lately. The semesters got over… (a sigh of relief)
Me: Oops sorry, I know it is a bit too late but congratulations on getting placed amigo. You would be living my dream (I know there had been many congratulatory calls but I sincerely hope its a special one for you) …….
……. And, regarding all those rumours; just believe in yourself, stand straight, put up a smile and rise like a phoenix from the ashes of your dead insecurities. Remember, the fog might seem to be dense enough but that only justifies the solace in the Spring ahead.
She: Hey, thanks a lot. It made me feel really good. The words had a healing effect… (Little did she know, her well being had been an inseparable part of my morning prayers)
Me: blush blush (a lifetime passed in that heartbeat)… Well, you still seem to hate getting clicked, right? The same profile picture over the last few years on Facebook… (the backdrop of Ganges, her geeky glasses, her Allen Solly purplish blue tee, leaning against a wall with a wildstyle graffiti on it and her expressions while faking a candid; the photo receptors did not miss a single detail….)
She: Yeah, it seems like that. I can’t get along with the camera ever. Call me absurd but this won’t change… (an array of her perfect imperfections)
Me: Hey, a quick update. You know, I have been watching Naruto lately. I quite like the first few episodes… (venturing out into that alien world was a pathetic and painful experience…)
She: Oh, nice. You seem to be catching up… Btw, I have been following your movie reviews. Good job, man… Listen, I am getting late for my lectures and the professor hates me for coming late. I need to go now. I will call you up…. (What would have happened if the professor scolded her one more time for coming late? I didn’t want this to end too soon…)
Me: Yeah, no issues. Even, I have a job to attend too… Will catch up soon… (the heart failed to overrun the mind yet again, and ended up making an excuse)
She disconnected the call, and it displayed “Last call duration- 9 mins and 42 secs” on the screen. The call might be a short one, but it was long enough to have a feeling as if her voice was reverberating around. A voice inside me popped up “the ship has not sailed yet, the water is not turbulent yet and the story is not over yet………”
The WOMAN - The First Date
July 2016. The story sets in somewhere around the onset of monsoons in the year 2016. Her college was getting over, and she was about to step into the corporate rat-race out there barefooted which entangles us in the shackles of those cubicles, a pointless pursuit. Responsibilities were new, friends were few, the heart cried and the emotions inside her died. Putting up a fake smile, she learned to embrace this new phase of her life in no time. After our first phone call, the hazy mist settled down and the sunnier side came up. The transition from “reel life acquaintances” to “real-life friends” was taking place in the backdrop of our lives. In my mind, exchanging our Whatsapp numbers marked a new beginning, and the one-sided love climbed up a notch higher in the world of endless hope. Things were getting tough at her workplace, and she sought solace in those endearing chats and our long phone calls at the end of the day.
Although this was uncharted territory for me, walking across those lanes was pure bliss. The mushrooming intimacy between us agitated my feelings for her, and my heart won the long lost battle against the inferiority it was hiding within itself. The things which I considered to be cheesy and gooey once, somehow found a niche of its own in my life. Waiting for a text from her after a gruesome day at work to ring the bells in my heart, giving up on my sleep just for a phone call, helping her to make prudent decisions in life standing by her side, mentoring her on the office project to ease off her struggles as much as possible, crafting handmade cards on her birthday pouring my heart out, watching “P.S. I Love you” and “The Notebook” when I missed her terribly, blushing involuntarily whenever her name flashed on the pop-up window, getting acquainted with her mannerisms totally; the experiences were fresh and fragile.
The careless and cocky 16-year old me kept smirking at this mawkish and mushy 24-year old version of myself incessantly. The silences in our conversations never uttered a word about us, but my overburdening hopes were shameless enough in dreaming a future with her. As placid as the waters of a small lake; she used to tolerate my long Facebook posts dedicated to her, my profound love for those cheesy one-liners, my hatred for animes, and most of my nuances while keeping her composure. Days and months passed in between, but things between us were moving at the pace of larvae coming out of its cocoon. Suddenly, the events took a sweet turn when the universe conspired in its own way to place us in the same geographical coordinates yet again. Mumbai, the city of dreams, did not fail to live up to its name one more time. I waited pretty long to make the first call, but the veteran heart was getting restless to grab the irresistible opportunity this time.
It was the 14th of March in the year 2017; when I asked her out for the first time. She went blank for a moment, but said “Yes” to my proposal with a disclaimer “But, this is not a date right”. The hearing receptors were well-calibrated to filter out the disclaimer part. For a first date in the city of dreams, Marine Drive had to be the inevitable choice. Though Google Maps displayed the destination was 35 kilometers away from my place, but it felt like lightyears away this time. Even in that commotion across the streets of the city which never sleeps, numerous emotions were rattling through my mind as in what to say when I come across her. Finally, the ride to my dreamland ended but my eyes could not locate her in that hustle and bustle. The moment came which I had been waiting for the last four years when she tapped me from the back and said “Hey, I’m here stupid…”
It felt as if the cool breeze blowing across the 3.6-kilometer long Promenade touched the warmth of her cheeks and whispered in my ears “This is your moment. Go, live it”. The benumbed senses were gobbling up my discernment. She looked much different from the last time I had seen her back in college. For her love of chocolates, I brought her a Dairy Milk Silk but the rising anxiety and the soaring humidity levels melted a portion of it on my way. The cars honking, the hawkers shouting at the top of their lungs, the couples cuddling each other at the lover’s point, the policemen patroling around; everything felt so diminutive and lifeless that day. While she was talking about her experiences in the last few days, I kept staring at her reminiscing about the first time when I saw her. The experience was so cathartic, and the ripples in my heart were more chaotic compared to the ones in the Arabian Sea waves battering across the tetrapod boulders placed over there. I had been to Marine Drive umpteen times in the last two years, but the Queen’s Necklace never felt so mesmerizing ever before.
I was in a fuss over the best rooftop cafe and bar in South Bombay, but Zomato came to my rescue in selecting one. We headed over to “The Dome, Intercontinental”, an exotic open-air restaurant overlooking the Arabian Sea. The pantheon style dome, the panoramic view of the Queen’s Necklace from the whiskey lounge, the mouth-watering kebab platter, the timeless favorite “Long Island Iced Tea”, while I was looking at her across the table and foolishly assuming it to be our first date; the night could not be intoxicating enough. With my glassy eyes and a slurred speech, I asked her “What does this mean to you? Do we have any future?” Amidst the clinking noise of the cutlery, she answered “Umm, I have not thought about it yet. I need some time. So, I am not sure about our future either. Let keep things simple as of now..” Those words left the heart teary-eyed, but somehow the lofty hopes kept the romance starry-eyed.
She had a flight to board the next morning, so we called it a night. I am pathetic at goodbyes, but taking a stroll with her to the hotel where she was staying felt like a good one. Just before I was leaving, she said “See you soon hopefully” and my dying dreams could see the love blooming far away. Her abhorrence of selfies did not change over time, so I could not capture us in a frame. Boarding the cab back home was quite an inexplicable phenomenon. The defining moments in the last few hours were naive and unadulterated, but the excruciating pain of leaving her seasoned them enough to become eternal, immortal, and perpetual. On reaching home, I had a realization that memories can’t be cherished for a lifetime until they leave you in a state of trance with a saddening footnote. I was not sure about when I would see her again, but little did I know that my stars won’t get lucky too soon.
Although this was uncharted territory for me, walking across those lanes was pure bliss. The mushrooming intimacy between us agitated my feelings for her, and my heart won the long lost battle against the inferiority it was hiding within itself. The things which I considered to be cheesy and gooey once, somehow found a niche of its own in my life. Waiting for a text from her after a gruesome day at work to ring the bells in my heart, giving up on my sleep just for a phone call, helping her to make prudent decisions in life standing by her side, mentoring her on the office project to ease off her struggles as much as possible, crafting handmade cards on her birthday pouring my heart out, watching “P.S. I Love you” and “The Notebook” when I missed her terribly, blushing involuntarily whenever her name flashed on the pop-up window, getting acquainted with her mannerisms totally; the experiences were fresh and fragile.
The careless and cocky 16-year old me kept smirking at this mawkish and mushy 24-year old version of myself incessantly. The silences in our conversations never uttered a word about us, but my overburdening hopes were shameless enough in dreaming a future with her. As placid as the waters of a small lake; she used to tolerate my long Facebook posts dedicated to her, my profound love for those cheesy one-liners, my hatred for animes, and most of my nuances while keeping her composure. Days and months passed in between, but things between us were moving at the pace of larvae coming out of its cocoon. Suddenly, the events took a sweet turn when the universe conspired in its own way to place us in the same geographical coordinates yet again. Mumbai, the city of dreams, did not fail to live up to its name one more time. I waited pretty long to make the first call, but the veteran heart was getting restless to grab the irresistible opportunity this time.
It was the 14th of March in the year 2017; when I asked her out for the first time. She went blank for a moment, but said “Yes” to my proposal with a disclaimer “But, this is not a date right”. The hearing receptors were well-calibrated to filter out the disclaimer part. For a first date in the city of dreams, Marine Drive had to be the inevitable choice. Though Google Maps displayed the destination was 35 kilometers away from my place, but it felt like lightyears away this time. Even in that commotion across the streets of the city which never sleeps, numerous emotions were rattling through my mind as in what to say when I come across her. Finally, the ride to my dreamland ended but my eyes could not locate her in that hustle and bustle. The moment came which I had been waiting for the last four years when she tapped me from the back and said “Hey, I’m here stupid…”
It felt as if the cool breeze blowing across the 3.6-kilometer long Promenade touched the warmth of her cheeks and whispered in my ears “This is your moment. Go, live it”. The benumbed senses were gobbling up my discernment. She looked much different from the last time I had seen her back in college. For her love of chocolates, I brought her a Dairy Milk Silk but the rising anxiety and the soaring humidity levels melted a portion of it on my way. The cars honking, the hawkers shouting at the top of their lungs, the couples cuddling each other at the lover’s point, the policemen patroling around; everything felt so diminutive and lifeless that day. While she was talking about her experiences in the last few days, I kept staring at her reminiscing about the first time when I saw her. The experience was so cathartic, and the ripples in my heart were more chaotic compared to the ones in the Arabian Sea waves battering across the tetrapod boulders placed over there. I had been to Marine Drive umpteen times in the last two years, but the Queen’s Necklace never felt so mesmerizing ever before.
I was in a fuss over the best rooftop cafe and bar in South Bombay, but Zomato came to my rescue in selecting one. We headed over to “The Dome, Intercontinental”, an exotic open-air restaurant overlooking the Arabian Sea. The pantheon style dome, the panoramic view of the Queen’s Necklace from the whiskey lounge, the mouth-watering kebab platter, the timeless favorite “Long Island Iced Tea”, while I was looking at her across the table and foolishly assuming it to be our first date; the night could not be intoxicating enough. With my glassy eyes and a slurred speech, I asked her “What does this mean to you? Do we have any future?” Amidst the clinking noise of the cutlery, she answered “Umm, I have not thought about it yet. I need some time. So, I am not sure about our future either. Let keep things simple as of now..” Those words left the heart teary-eyed, but somehow the lofty hopes kept the romance starry-eyed.
She had a flight to board the next morning, so we called it a night. I am pathetic at goodbyes, but taking a stroll with her to the hotel where she was staying felt like a good one. Just before I was leaving, she said “See you soon hopefully” and my dying dreams could see the love blooming far away. Her abhorrence of selfies did not change over time, so I could not capture us in a frame. Boarding the cab back home was quite an inexplicable phenomenon. The defining moments in the last few hours were naive and unadulterated, but the excruciating pain of leaving her seasoned them enough to become eternal, immortal, and perpetual. On reaching home, I had a realization that memories can’t be cherished for a lifetime until they leave you in a state of trance with a saddening footnote. I was not sure about when I would see her again, but little did I know that my stars won’t get lucky too soon.
The WOMAN - The First Date
July 2016. The story sets in somewhere around the onset of monsoons in the year 2016. Her college was getting over, and she was about to step into the corporate rat-race out there barefooted which entangles us in the shackles of those cubicles, a pointless pursuit. Responsibilities were new, friends were few, the heart cried and the emotions inside her died. Putting up a fake smile, she learned to embrace this new phase of her life in no time. After our first phone call, the hazy mist settled down and the sunnier side came up. The transition from “reel life acquaintances” to “real-life friends” was taking place in the backdrop of our lives. In my mind, exchanging our Whatsapp numbers marked a new beginning, and the one-sided love climbed up a notch higher in the world of endless hope. Things were getting tough at her workplace, and she sought solace in those endearing chats and our long phone calls at the end of the day.
Although this was uncharted territory for me, walking across those lanes was pure bliss. The mushrooming intimacy between us agitated my feelings for her, and my heart won the long lost battle against the inferiority it was hiding within itself. The things which I considered to be cheesy and gooey once, somehow found a niche of its own in my life. Waiting for a text from her after a gruesome day at work to ring the bells in my heart, giving up on my sleep just for a phone call, helping her to make prudent decisions in life standing by her side, mentoring her on the office project to ease off her struggles as much as possible, crafting handmade cards on her birthday pouring my heart out, watching “P.S. I Love you” and “The Notebook” when I missed her terribly, blushing involuntarily whenever her name flashed on the pop-up window, getting acquainted with her mannerisms totally; the experiences were fresh and fragile.
The careless and cocky 16-year old me kept smirking at this mawkish and mushy 24-year old version of myself incessantly. The silences in our conversations never uttered a word about us, but my overburdening hopes were shameless enough in dreaming a future with her. As placid as the waters of a small lake; she used to tolerate my long Facebook posts dedicated to her, my profound love for those cheesy one-liners, my hatred for animes, and most of my nuances while keeping her composure. Days and months passed in between, but things between us were moving at the pace of larvae coming out of its cocoon. Suddenly, the events took a sweet turn when the universe conspired in its own way to place us in the same geographical coordinates yet again. Mumbai, the city of dreams, did not fail to live up to its name one more time. I waited pretty long to make the first call, but the veteran heart was getting restless to grab the irresistible opportunity this time.
It was the 14th of March in the year 2017; when I asked her out for the first time. She went blank for a moment, but said “Yes” to my proposal with a disclaimer “But, this is not a date right”. The hearing receptors were well-calibrated to filter out the disclaimer part. For a first date in the city of dreams, Marine Drive had to be the inevitable choice. Though Google Maps displayed the destination was 35 kilometers away from my place, but it felt like lightyears away this time. Even in that commotion across the streets of the city which never sleeps, numerous emotions were rattling through my mind as in what to say when I come across her. Finally, the ride to my dreamland ended but my eyes could not locate her in that hustle and bustle. The moment came which I had been waiting for the last four years when she tapped me from the back and said “Hey, I’m here stupid…”
It felt as if the cool breeze blowing across the 3.6-kilometer long Promenade touched the warmth of her cheeks and whispered in my ears “This is your moment. Go, live it”. The benumbed senses were gobbling up my discernment. She looked much different from the last time I had seen her back in college. For her love of chocolates, I brought her a Dairy Milk Silk but the rising anxiety and the soaring humidity levels melted a portion of it on my way. The cars honking, the hawkers shouting at the top of their lungs, the couples cuddling each other at the lover’s point, the policemen patroling around; everything felt so diminutive and lifeless that day. While she was talking about her experiences in the last few days, I kept staring at her reminiscing about the first time when I saw her. The experience was so cathartic, and the ripples in my heart were more chaotic compared to the ones in the Arabian Sea waves battering across the tetrapod boulders placed over there. I had been to Marine Drive umpteen times in the last two years, but the Queen’s Necklace never felt so mesmerizing ever before.
I was in a fuss over the best rooftop cafe and bar in South Bombay, but Zomato came to my rescue in selecting one. We headed over to “The Dome, Intercontinental”, an exotic open-air restaurant overlooking the Arabian Sea. The pantheon style dome, the panoramic view of the Queen’s Necklace from the whiskey lounge, the mouth-watering kebab platter, the timeless favorite “Long Island Iced Tea”, while I was looking at her across the table and foolishly assuming it to be our first date; the night could not be intoxicating enough. With my glassy eyes and a slurred speech, I asked her “What does this mean to you? Do we have any future?” Amidst the clinking noise of the cutlery, she answered “Umm, I have not thought about it yet. I need some time. So, I am not sure about our future either. Let keep things simple as of now..” Those words left the heart teary-eyed, but somehow the lofty hopes kept the romance starry-eyed.
She had a flight to board the next morning, so we called it a night. I am pathetic at goodbyes, but taking a stroll with her to the hotel where she was staying felt like a good one. Just before I was leaving, she said “See you soon hopefully” and my dying dreams could see the love blooming far away. Her abhorrence of selfies did not change over time, so I could not capture us in a frame. Boarding the cab back home was quite an inexplicable phenomenon. The defining moments in the last few hours were naive and unadulterated, but the excruciating pain of leaving her seasoned them enough to become eternal, immortal, and perpetual. On reaching home, I had a realization that memories can’t be cherished for a lifetime until they leave you in a state of trance with a saddening footnote. I was not sure about when I would see her again, but little did I know that my stars won’t get lucky too soon.
Although this was uncharted territory for me, walking across those lanes was pure bliss. The mushrooming intimacy between us agitated my feelings for her, and my heart won the long lost battle against the inferiority it was hiding within itself. The things which I considered to be cheesy and gooey once, somehow found a niche of its own in my life. Waiting for a text from her after a gruesome day at work to ring the bells in my heart, giving up on my sleep just for a phone call, helping her to make prudent decisions in life standing by her side, mentoring her on the office project to ease off her struggles as much as possible, crafting handmade cards on her birthday pouring my heart out, watching “P.S. I Love you” and “The Notebook” when I missed her terribly, blushing involuntarily whenever her name flashed on the pop-up window, getting acquainted with her mannerisms totally; the experiences were fresh and fragile.
The careless and cocky 16-year old me kept smirking at this mawkish and mushy 24-year old version of myself incessantly. The silences in our conversations never uttered a word about us, but my overburdening hopes were shameless enough in dreaming a future with her. As placid as the waters of a small lake; she used to tolerate my long Facebook posts dedicated to her, my profound love for those cheesy one-liners, my hatred for animes, and most of my nuances while keeping her composure. Days and months passed in between, but things between us were moving at the pace of larvae coming out of its cocoon. Suddenly, the events took a sweet turn when the universe conspired in its own way to place us in the same geographical coordinates yet again. Mumbai, the city of dreams, did not fail to live up to its name one more time. I waited pretty long to make the first call, but the veteran heart was getting restless to grab the irresistible opportunity this time.
It was the 14th of March in the year 2017; when I asked her out for the first time. She went blank for a moment, but said “Yes” to my proposal with a disclaimer “But, this is not a date right”. The hearing receptors were well-calibrated to filter out the disclaimer part. For a first date in the city of dreams, Marine Drive had to be the inevitable choice. Though Google Maps displayed the destination was 35 kilometers away from my place, but it felt like lightyears away this time. Even in that commotion across the streets of the city which never sleeps, numerous emotions were rattling through my mind as in what to say when I come across her. Finally, the ride to my dreamland ended but my eyes could not locate her in that hustle and bustle. The moment came which I had been waiting for the last four years when she tapped me from the back and said “Hey, I’m here stupid…”
It felt as if the cool breeze blowing across the 3.6-kilometer long Promenade touched the warmth of her cheeks and whispered in my ears “This is your moment. Go, live it”. The benumbed senses were gobbling up my discernment. She looked much different from the last time I had seen her back in college. For her love of chocolates, I brought her a Dairy Milk Silk but the rising anxiety and the soaring humidity levels melted a portion of it on my way. The cars honking, the hawkers shouting at the top of their lungs, the couples cuddling each other at the lover’s point, the policemen patroling around; everything felt so diminutive and lifeless that day. While she was talking about her experiences in the last few days, I kept staring at her reminiscing about the first time when I saw her. The experience was so cathartic, and the ripples in my heart were more chaotic compared to the ones in the Arabian Sea waves battering across the tetrapod boulders placed over there. I had been to Marine Drive umpteen times in the last two years, but the Queen’s Necklace never felt so mesmerizing ever before.
I was in a fuss over the best rooftop cafe and bar in South Bombay, but Zomato came to my rescue in selecting one. We headed over to “The Dome, Intercontinental”, an exotic open-air restaurant overlooking the Arabian Sea. The pantheon style dome, the panoramic view of the Queen’s Necklace from the whiskey lounge, the mouth-watering kebab platter, the timeless favorite “Long Island Iced Tea”, while I was looking at her across the table and foolishly assuming it to be our first date; the night could not be intoxicating enough. With my glassy eyes and a slurred speech, I asked her “What does this mean to you? Do we have any future?” Amidst the clinking noise of the cutlery, she answered “Umm, I have not thought about it yet. I need some time. So, I am not sure about our future either. Let keep things simple as of now..” Those words left the heart teary-eyed, but somehow the lofty hopes kept the romance starry-eyed.
She had a flight to board the next morning, so we called it a night. I am pathetic at goodbyes, but taking a stroll with her to the hotel where she was staying felt like a good one. Just before I was leaving, she said “See you soon hopefully” and my dying dreams could see the love blooming far away. Her abhorrence of selfies did not change over time, so I could not capture us in a frame. Boarding the cab back home was quite an inexplicable phenomenon. The defining moments in the last few hours were naive and unadulterated, but the excruciating pain of leaving her seasoned them enough to become eternal, immortal, and perpetual. On reaching home, I had a realization that memories can’t be cherished for a lifetime until they leave you in a state of trance with a saddening footnote. I was not sure about when I would see her again, but little did I know that my stars won’t get lucky too soon.
